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Living With Mania Is Hard At Times


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I admit, I like my mania at times, like today I was a multi tasking fool. And I got a lot done. But just below the surface I was hoping somebody would get in my face or do something so I could have a confrontation. I don't start fights, but I don't often back down, and that's not a good trait for a 41 year old man. I have to give Geodon another 2-3 weeks, most days I feel real good on it.

I realize I am not my best keeper either. I like the pump I feel from caffeine and suggery foods, I never realized that much until I real thought about what I now know is mania.

Can anyone tell me what they think of Risperedol? My pdoc said that is next if Geodon doesn't work. Sometimes I am a bit depressed too but I am afraid after the mania I feel from just Celexa 10 mg to go back on any AD/mood combo.

If someone is taking a mood stabilizer and AD would like to give their personal experience I am all ears?

Maybe I am just more self aware now that I am officially diagnosed Bipolar 1? I don't know.

Maybe I should take up combat sports. I have never been that violent, but at times I have a lot of rage, just below the surface.

I am hoping therapy works, but frankly I went and didn't get any therapy, just intake questions, it was a first visit.

I am going to work out and redirect this anger. Thanks for listening and look forward to some constructive feedback.

Peace and good kharma to all.

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I know how you feel about feeling a little rage just underneath when manic. I have felt that but didn't realize how bad it was until confronted with something and overreacted like getting upset with someone in the car for jumping infront of me. I gave them an ugly look and didn't like myself at all. I felt like saying much more and it surprised me by the way I felt. I really depend on my mood stabilizer to work and they do, but sometimes my pdoc has to increase it. I'm currently on 5 meds of which two are trazadone and trileptal which are good for me. And I take clonazepam for anxiety as well. But it is good that you are seeking positive outlets to help deal with yours. My doctor told me to cut back on the caffeine and I have. I only have one cup of coffee and I don't have it everyday which has make a big difference in me being more calm. I will admit it feels great to have a lot of energy but I can't deal with the increase anxiety and irritable feelings that come with it.

Lindahurt

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I know how you feel about feeling a little rage just underneath when manic. I have felt that but didn't realize how bad it was until confronted with something and overreacted like getting upset with someone in the car for jumping infront of me. I gave them an ugly look and didn't like myself at all. I felt like saying much more and it surprised me by the way I felt. I really depend on my mood stabilizer to work and they do, but sometimes my pdoc has to increase it. I'm currently on 5 meds of which two are trazadone and trileptal which are good for me. And I take clonazepam for anxiety as well. But it is good that you are seeking positive outlets to help deal with yours. My doctor told me to cut back on the caffeine and I have. I only have one cup of coffee and I don't have it everyday which has make a big difference in me being more calm. I will admit it feels great to have a lot of energy but I can't deal with the increase anxiety and irritable feelings that come with it.

Lindahurt

Thanks for being a great moderator, all of you at DF.

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I know how you feel about feeling a little rage just underneath when manic. I have felt that but didn't realize how bad it was until confronted with something and overreacted like getting upset with someone in the car for jumping infront of me. I gave them an ugly look and didn't like myself at all. I felt like saying much more and it surprised me by the way I felt. I really depend on my mood stabilizer to work and they do, but sometimes my pdoc has to increase it. I'm currently on 5 meds of which two are trazadone and trileptal which are good for me. And I take clonazepam for anxiety as well. But it is good that you are seeking positive outlets to help deal with yours. My doctor told me to cut back on the caffeine and I have. I only have one cup of coffee and I don't have it everyday which has make a big difference in me being more calm. I will admit it feels great to have a lot of energy but I can't deal with the increase anxiety and irritable feelings that come with it.

Lindahurt

Thanks for being a great moderator, all of you at DF.

We are apreciate your support Danielsaun. You are too kind.

Lindahurt

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Danialsaun,

For 35 years that simmering rage in the background got me into a lot of trouble and fired many times. The strange thing is that I looked for a confrontation and they invigorated me and I always got such a rush from them so I never backed down because I wrongly thought I was right and justified every time.

In 1998 I had 6 months of continuous job problems I caused myself and I cracked and quit and walked out. That was when I was diagnosed with bipolar and 6 months later became ultradian, manic and depressed 8 times a day. Now I don't get manic anymore, I get psychotic and have no idea what I am doing and I never see the pure rage. The 6 months of extreme stress caused a permanent worsening of my bipolar. This is why I love depression, because I know I'm not manic. Stress makes bipolar way worse and when we cause it, well that is very self-destructive. Nether Geodon nor Risperedol nor 12 other meds did anything for me. I take only lithium, for the last 20 years and it works better than all the rest,, for me, but I am far from 'cured' and have not been able to work for 22 years now.

Don

Edited by misskitka
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Danialsaun,

For 35 years that simmering rage in the background got me into a lot of trouble and fired many times. The strange thing is that I looked for a confrontation and they invigorated me and I always got such a rush from them so I never backed down because I wrongly thought I was right and justified every time.

In 1998 I had 6 months of continuous job problems I caused myself and I cracked and quit and walked out. That was when I was diagnosed with bipolar and 6 months later became ultradian, manic and depressed 8 times a day. Now I don't get manic anymore, I get psychotic and have no idea what I am doing and I never see the pure rage. The 6 months of extreme stress caused a permanent worsening of my bipolar. This is why I love depression, because I know I'm not manic. Stress makes bipolar way worse and when we cause it, well that is very self-destructive. Nether Geodon nor Risperedol nor 12 other meds did anything for me. I take only lithium, for the last 20 years and it works better than all the rest,, for me, but I am far from 'cured' and have not been able to work for 22 years now.

Don

Thanks for sharing that.

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Danialsaun,

For 35 years that simmering rage in the background got me into a lot of trouble and fired many times. The strange thing is that I looked for a confrontation and they invigorated me and I always got such a rush from them so I never backed down because I wrongly thought I was right and justified every time.

In 1998 I had 6 months of continuous job problems I caused myself and I cracked and quit and walked out. That was when I was diagnosed with bipolar and 6 months later became ultradian, manic and depressed 8 times a day. Now I don't get manic anymore, I get psychotic and have no idea what I am doing and I never see the pure rage. The 6 months of extreme stress caused a permanent worsening of my bipolar. This is why I love depression, because I know I'm not manic. Stress makes bipolar way worse and when we cause it, well that is very self-destructive. Nether Geodon nor Risperedol nor 12 other meds did anything for me. I take only lithium, for the last 20 years and it works better than all the rest,, for me, but I am far from 'cured' and have not been able to work for 22 years now.

Don

I was thinking about your posts Don, and meds in general and here are my thoughts. Since being on Geodon, 2 x 20 mg daily, for 3 weeks, my rage is almost gone and so is my compulsive eating as well as some of my paranoid thoughts, that's great because I am borderline obese. But my insomnia is increasing, and I already take ambien 10 mg, and 3 melatonin for sleep. I am waking at 3 AM or 4 today. Yes I could cut back on the caffeine but I drank sometimes even more before and had less insomnia. I don't know if its just that I am more aware of my mania now, or I am having some negative side effects from Geodon? A couple of times I had to work out so hard to dissipate the mania, I look possessed with energy, not good.

Please feel free to edit it considered inappropriate..........I am close to going back to self medicating with illegal drug, it really helped my racing thoughts and insomnia and had a lot less side effects than any of the FDA drugs. And I was highly functional, A and B's in college smoking, but corp. world doesn't like that and either does my wife. I live in Colorado so I can get s script pretty easy. I want to do the right thing though.

The Geodon doesn't deal with my panic attacks that well, but my gawd after reading about benzodiazapine issues I don't want none of that! illegal drug has less side effects than Xanax or Lorazapman. I missed one Geodon and the next one I took I was hallucinating last weekend. I was very strange. I felt like I had heavy glasses on my face but there was nothing there, like a halo around the eyes, very strange, but subsided the next day once back on regular Geodon meds twice daily. I missed my meds once because I wanted to see what would happen if I had an alcoholic drink with Geodon since I have a huge family wedding to go to and I want to have some social drinks. I felt so sick the next day Geo and alcohol don't mix well at all and I missed one dose, because of feeling very sick.

The best thing to come out of this is awareness and new motivation to work out and meditate to help with my BP1, anxiety, and related eating issues. I guess I am fortunate I don't have compulsive spending or sex addict, but I have all of the rest of BP1 symptoms.

Thanks for listening and look forward to any constructive feedback.

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Danielsaun,

Geodon seemed to help really well for a few months but after 4 months or so I was back where I started.. As far as changes in sleep patterns, it could be you are mood cycling and are overall somewhat more manic right now so not sleeping much. I have hourly patterns on top of daily patterns on top of monthly patterns and I get overwhelmed by it so try to deal with things on an hourly basis.

I self medicated for 35 years before I was diagnosed. It kept me calm and in control as well as any mood stabilizer does today. These days smoking just drains all my energy away, maybe because I am much older now and not 'cool' anymore ha ha!!.

Don

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Danielsaun,

Geodon seemed to help really well for a few months but after 4 months or so I was back where I started.. As far as changes in sleep patterns, it could be you are mood cycling and are overall somewhat more manic right now so not sleeping much. I have hourly patterns on top of daily patterns on top of monthly patterns and I get overwhelmed by it so try to deal with things on an hourly basis.

I self medicated for 35 years before I was diagnosed. It kept me calm and in control as well as any mood stabilizer does today. These days smoking just drains all my energy away, maybe because I am much older now and not 'cool' anymore ha ha!!.

Don

I quite smoking 13 years ago, it just got out of hand. But the side effects were less, residual anyway. I like the tired feel. Stopped my racing thoughts and alleviated my insomnia. Its my drug of choice.

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ijust do not like when i am manic, i had a hypomania before and just i hate the status, now a mania i just i feel like ok but i start to feel bad because am doing too many things and can not stop of do those things,

i just do not enjoy my manias when had one.

best regards

Francisco

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Just a note on the Geodon (and everyone reacts different, just my personal experience) it GAVE me panic attacks. I was having panic from the moment I awoke to the moment I went to bed. I had no idea a med I was taking would be the cause. Until they took me off- omg what a difference.. Just throwing it out there.

best wishes

b

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wow strange you say that about your rage, im like that too. I'll think im fine then one little thing anoys me or someone starts talking to me and im so irrated and filled with rage. Im newly diagnosed bipolar II. So its interesting to see all the symptoms I have are the same as other people.

I take 100mg of Lamitcal and 37.5mg of effexor. 1mg Clonazapam when needed and 7.5mg zopiclone for sleep. They work ok together but its to soon to tell really what effect it has on me. Depression seems to have lifted and manic eposides are minamal, But jezz my anxiety is high, and i have insomnia. Bugger it. I have appt with pdoc on wednesday. my first one, im pretty excited. hopfully my medication will be looked at properly

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Risperdol and Geodon did not work for me. But that doesn't mean it won't work for you. I also am on lithium and lexapro so and AD/mood stabilizer but that is changing this week, he will start taking me off of the lexapro and start me on another mood stabilizer because my depression is so bad. I ended up in the ER yesterday because of SI.

I get hypomanic, I'm bipolar II, and I love when I'm hypomanic although it doesn't love me. I end up spending a lot of money, talking a lot, racing around the house, the I start getting irritable and angry. So that's no good either.

Michele

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I decided to wean myself off of Geodon, my insomnia is getting worse. After the initial honeymoon phase, when all you see are the positives, I noticed sometimes it seemed like my manic episodes were worse and my insomnia became worse. I did something not smart though. I stopped my evening dose and was up until 6 AM even after taking multiple sleeping pills. Note to self, wean off by stop morning dose not evening, LOL !

I am debating stop meds, vs. asking for a switch to Depakote or Risperdol. I am not sure what to do. Right now I am feeling hypomanic and I like it, after 4 hours of sleep!

Edited by danielsaun
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My mania served me today. I just did 2 days worth of cleaning in less than 1 . I am going to do some more reading as I believe I induced it today with an excess of caffeine. I do realize if my wife, whom is controlling like me, was to change my trajectory today there could have been a blow up. I made up my mind and got it done. Now I can relax, kinda, LOL. I am going to ask for Ativan or Xanax next week at pdoc. If I am going to endorse trying meds why not try to strive for anxiety less living. I have been a worry wort since I was a young teen. Sometimes it serves me, I would make a great disaster planner. But then I can't sleep without horse tranquilizers, J/K. Seriously though I had to take 100 mg of Trazodone, 10 mg of ambien, and 9 mg of melatonin. That's a ridiculous amount of drugs to fall asleep for 7 hours. I wouldn't push the button, as Stephen asked, it serves me well at times.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I can relate. My mania comes out either rage (without an AD) or euphoria (with an AD). For the past three weeks, I have been nothing but irritated and having explosions of rage. I am currently on 150mg of Lamictal tapering up to 200mg. I also have been taking Ativan 1mg twice a day for my anxiety that seems to be kicked into high gear recently. I loved taking Paxil, because it calmed my anxiety and made me feel really good. But the racing thoughts, hyperness, fast talking, risky behavior, etc. was self-destructive. Not to mention the rollercoaster of rapid cycling moods. One minute I would be happy, bubbly and chatty, and within seconds I would be a bubblering mess. I thought I was going mad!

Depression for me is not a fun ride either. I can get suicidal or engage in cutting myself if under a lot of stress. I have been hospitalized once already for being a danger to myself and others. I feel worthless, unmotivated, and hopeless underneath that cloud.

If given the choice between depression or mania, I would choose being stable. I would love to be stable someday...

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I know how you feel - none of my friends have ever seen me angry and think of me as a quiet and peaceful person, but sometimes, inside, I just want to stab or punch one of them or something.

Once, I started a fight with my entire class and didn't back down until I got my way, after an hour of arguing. Just because I knew I was right and they were wrong. The argument was about a minor detail in our play that didn't really matter at all.

But likewise with depression, yesterday I was really close to cutting myself due to all the stress in my life, but I didn't have the energy to do so...

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