Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Michelle4871

Co-Dependancy

Recommended Posts

Since my original post, things are looking up. I have started a low-sugar diet, which is already making me feel better. No processed foods or hidden sugar. I have made a pledge to myself to reduce my alcohol intake and I have spoken to my mum to tell her how I feel about her being too close. I have also asked my ex to have dinner with me on my birthday this month, and he has agreed. All in all, I am feeling fab. I will not get carried away about getting back with my ex, but I am looking forward to a nice meal and some good company. Thanks all x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Since my original post, things are looking up. I have started a low-sugar diet, which is already making me feel better. No processed foods or hidden sugar. I have made a pledge to myself to reduce my alcohol intake and I have spoken to my mum to tell her how I feel about her being too close. I have also asked my ex to have dinner with me on my birthday this month, and he has agreed. All in all, I am feeling fab. I will not get carried away about getting back with my ex, but I am looking forward to a nice meal and some good company. Thanks all x

Glad to hear that you are doing better Claire !!! Bravo on standing on your own two feet & sharing with your mom as to how you feel. Also, glad to hear that the ex was open to having dinner with you for your birthday....guarded optimism is ok. CD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Since my original post, things are looking up. I have started a low-sugar diet, which is already making me feel better. No processed foods or hidden sugar. I have made a pledge to myself to reduce my alcohol intake and I have spoken to my mum to tell her how I feel about her being too close. I have also asked my ex to have dinner with me on my birthday this month, and he has agreed. All in all, I am feeling fab. I will not get carried away about getting back with my ex, but I am looking forward to a nice meal and some good company. Thanks all x

Hey Claire...How are you doing? Have you and ex had that dinner? If so, how'd it go?

Here is a CoDA reading that really resonated with me & parallels my situation w/ wifey:

CLOCKS DON'T TICK BACKWARDS

CAN'T RECAPTURE WHAT WE NEVER HAD, OR HOPED TO FIND

IF WE HAD ONLY KNOWN BEFORE

THAT IT WOULD BE TOO LATE BY THE TIME WE BOTH FOUND OUT....

I hope you are well....let me know how you are - CD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I used to go to meetings for Codependence. They were helpful.. in case anyone would be interested in googling it (or getting support from their site) its called CODA (CoDependants Anonymous)

Hey jennifer....I've been to est. 6 meetings so far....I must admit, it was a "tad" odd at first, but I've grown accustomed already to the sharing and no Cross-Talk (though it did take me extreme effort to NOT to chime-in as if it were a regular discussion).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just attended my first CoDA meeting last night. Small group of 9 people. i will have to see where it leads.

Fides,

Glad to hear that you've attended one....it's really odd at first, but even after only 6 or so meetings, I've gotten to look forward to the comraderie that we share in my group....BTW, my group is as few as 3, all the way up to 10 (depending on the weather, work, etc)....stick with it. I hope it heps you! CD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was in a toxic relationship and I felt addicted to it. I felt the need for validation all the time and my partner at the time simply exacerbated the problem. I never thought I could cope when he called things off. I felt so awful. I battled through it, and have now met a lovely new partner who speaks his mind, loves me to pieces and hugs me really tight whenever I wobble. It has worked for me even tough I never thought I could remove myself from a toxic relationship.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just attended my first CoDA meeting last night. Small group of 9 people. i will have to see where it leads.

Fides,

Glad to hear that you've attended one....it's really odd at first, but even after only 6 or so meetings, I've gotten to look forward to the comraderie that we share in my group....BTW, my group is as few as 3, all the way up to 10 (depending on the weather, work, etc)....stick with it. I hope it heps you! CD

it was interesting. i wish there was a little more talk between the members. We did chat a little afterwards but i did not feel like i got the chance to tell it like it is for me and then have people respond. I will go to a few more meetings

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was in a toxic relationship and I felt addicted to it. I felt the need for validation all the time and my partner at the time simply exacerbated the problem. I never thought I could cope when he called things off. I felt so awful. I battled through it, and have now met a lovely new partner who speaks his mind, loves me to pieces and hugs me really tight whenever I wobble. It has worked for me even tough I never thought I could remove myself from a toxic relationship.

i am glad you got things straight. I hope to do the same with what i am going through.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i will give the meeting another try this week. See if it is any better. i would like more back and forth between us all, but maybe that is not how the meetings go?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've learned from a friend who's been attending these meetings for years now that they all have different "formulas". She showed me a leaflet with a listing of all the different places they have meetings in the area (I'm near a major city, so there's two or three dozen places) and how each one works. Some have readings, some have discussions, there's like 5-6 different formulas.

Edited by lonesoul

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've learned from a friend who's been attending these meetings for years now that they all have different "formulas". She showed me a leaflet with a listing of all the different places they have meetings in the area (I'm near a major city, so there's two or three dozen places) and how each one works. Some have readings, some have discussions, there's like 5-6 different formulas.

I chatted with a woman from the group over the phone and picked her brain. She has attended different ones that were of a different format. So I will go tomorrow. Then check out other avenues.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i have been horribly co-dependant on friends, family, strangers and lovers. 2 years ago before i broke my wrist after 3 years of a relationship. I was on my feet, working, got my driving lsence and feeling great about my life. My girl was co-dependant on me (body isuues, polysystic overies, skin problems and many mad issues like not eating in front of people) I broke y wrist andhave been through 3 operations and am still in recovery. In these 2 years she has made me feel useless, immasculated, lazy, aand basically always resented me for being crippled, and gave me ultimatums to work, get married, pay for holidays. The roles reversed, she started to work, grew confident, got friends finally and then decided to do everything to ruin me while i giving me hope after every viile thing she did to me (telling me she had only lived with me to get lifts and convenience for work, talking to other guys, being confused by new guys and outright asking me if she could meet them to see how she felt, making me move into a place with her to dump me on the 3rd night, staying with me for 3 weeks of me trying, and trying to push my confusion, lack of trust and anger aside to be told nothing changed but we could live in the house in seperate rooms for rent reasons. All while i was in pain, on meds, fresh out of a cast a 3rd tiime from my ulna being shortened and metal plates screwed to my arm, but i stopped being angry, i tried to understand why she did things and blamed myself and my arm and clung to a sinking ship andwanted to fixx things that were far broken.

I left the house, i have tried to make progress, and i am proud i have not completely fallen to pieces and my brain tries to tell my heart that i'm better out of it. but last night she text and phoned, i finally replied to say i was busy as i am trying to not let her do anything to my head (but there are possesssions and finances to sort) she text to pick up my phone, it'll take 2-3 mins

Like a fool i did, she used a story of a reptile she knows i hated i had to leave behind was not well (i got 3 of the large colection even though for 2 years i fed, pampered, cleaned and cared for them) do't believe her story, she was druk, with friends, the phone was passed round and i was told i was useless and what i did will haunt me it lost me my partner.

Now i feel any progress i made this week is completely undone, maybe i am worse than i have been. i feel so down. why psychologically do that, dump them let them leave, then continue to mess with me :'(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i have been horribly co-dependant on friends, family, strangers and lovers. 2 years ago before i broke my wrist after 3 years of a relationship. I was on my feet, working, got my driving llsence and feeling great about my life. My girl was co-dependant on me (body issues, polysystic overies, skin problems and many mad issues like not eating in front of people) I broke y wrist and have been through 3 operations and am still in recovery. In these 2 years she has made me feel useless, imasculated, lazy, aand basically always resented me for being crippled, and gave me ultimatums to work, get married, pay for holidays. The roles reversed, she started to work, grew confident, got friends finally and then decided to do everything to ruin me while i giving me hope after every viile thing she did to me (telling me she had only lived with me to get lifts and convenience for work, talking to other guys, being confused by new guys and outright asking me if she could meet them to see how she felt, making me move into a place with her to dump me on the 3rd night, staying with me for 3 weeks of me trying, and trying to push my confusion, lack of trust and anger aside to be told nothing changed but we could live in the house in seperate rooms for rent reasons. All while i was in pain, on meds, fresh out of a cast a 3rd tiime from my ulna being shortened and metal plates screwed to my arm, but i stopped being angry, i tried to understand why she did things and blamed myself and my arm and clung to a sinking ship andwanted to fixx things that were far broken.

I left the house, i have tried to make progress, and i am proud i have not completely fallen to pieces and my brain tries to tell my heart that i'm better out of it. but last night she text and phoned, i finally replied to say i was busy as i am trying to not let her do anything to my head (but there are possesssions and finances to sort) she text to pick up my phone, it'll take 2-3 mins

Like a fool i did, she used a story of a reptile she knows i hated i had to leave behind was not well (i got 3 of the large colection even though for 2 years i fed, pampered, cleaned and cared for them) do't believe her story, she was druk, with friends, the phone was passed round and i was told i was useless and what i did will haunt me it lost me my partner.

Now i feel any progress i made this week is completely undone, maybe i am worse than i have been. i feel so down. why psychologically do that, dump them let them leave, then continue to mess with me :'(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i have been horribly co-dependant on friends, family, strangers and lovers. 2 years ago before i broke my wrist after 3 years of a relationship. I was on my feet, working, got my driving llsence and feeling great about my life. My girl was co-dependant on me (body issues, polysystic overies, skin problems and many mad issues like not eating in front of people) I broke y wrist and have been through 3 operations and am still in recovery. In these 2 years she has made me feel useless, imasculated, lazy, aand basically always resented me for being crippled, and gave me ultimatums to work, get married, pay for holidays. The roles reversed, she started to work, grew confident, got friends finally and then decided to do everything to ruin me while i giving me hope after every viile thing she did to me (telling me she had only lived with me to get lifts and convenience for work, talking to other guys, being confused by new guys and outright asking me if she could meet them to see how she felt, making me move into a place with her to dump me on the 3rd night, staying with me for 3 weeks of me trying, and trying to push my confusion, lack of trust and anger aside to be told nothing changed but we could live in the house in seperate rooms for rent reasons. All while i was in pain, on meds, fresh out of a cast a 3rd tiime from my ulna being shortened and metal plates screwed to my arm, but i stopped being angry, i tried to understand why she did things and blamed myself and my arm and clung to a sinking ship andwanted to fixx things that were far broken.

I left the house, i have tried to make progress, and i am proud i have not completely fallen to pieces and my brain tries to tell my heart that i'm better out of it. but last night she text and phoned, i finally replied to say i was busy as i am trying to not let her do anything to my head (but there are possesssions and finances to sort) she text to pick up my phone, it'll take 2-3 mins

Like a fool i did, she used a story of a reptile she knows i hated i had to leave behind was not well (i got 3 of the large colection even though for 2 years i fed, pampered, cleaned and cared for them) do't believe her story, she was druk, with friends, the phone was passed round and i was told i was useless and what i did will haunt me how it lost me my partner. was it jsut to kick me and to demonstrate she is happy and having fun? never was good at childish mind games :(

Now i feel any progress i made this week is completely undone, maybe i am worse than i have been. i feel so down. why psychologically do that, dump them let them leave, then continue to mess with me :'(

Edited by Used To Be Me

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

UndeRtOnEs, Sorry for the issues that you've gone thru. You need to remember that you cannot own and control another's words and actions. All you can do is focus on being the best you that you can be. To me, it sounds like she is a pretty individual, who is needing the approval of her friends to validate her. The voices in your head will try to tell you that you need to listen and respond to her words and actions, but I'd recommend going off the grid when it comes to her.... tough to do I know, but without that drama, you will find the peace of mind and soul that you deserve. Try CoDA for support...I'm attending weekly meetings and fond the camaraderie comforting!

I wish you well - CD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I see now i used to be very codependant on others, then dated someone codependant when i was more together but the dynamic worked, and that i became codependant on someone who didn't have the emotional tools or care after i broke myself, and it became very toxic.

Trying to move forward to find my identity again, my next step in a career (used to be a builder and film-maker, those are a bit hard when you now have one arm in a lot of pain) I had psychiatry yesterday, i talked for 3 hours (!!!) and my poor dad had to wait, thought i really had gone on that long :P but i am getting a support worker and she hopes they can have me in training for something soon :)

Today i have the energy and will to get out of bed, the last 3 days have been sunny and today is usual england grey :P but still don't have much to do :( or that i want or can do. But its a good step forwards. I really have learnt that i can't expect emotional support from people so selfish, self destructive, stubborn and emotionally crippled to help me feel better :)

i do recommend the book codependant no more (i almost believed its repeated publishing in this thread was a publisher pushing sales) but it is a fascinating read :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Would you say that people that have been in co dependant relationships always end up in one of these kinds of relationships?

I am very new to all of this and only my third meeting. My reason for going to the meetings is to break the co dependent patterns I have so I don't fall into it again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Fides,

lad to hear that you've been keeping up with the CoDA group....you'll find that there is an ebb & flow to the meetings, and sometimes they will appear to offer you nothing new, yet other times walk away amazed at the revelations you've witnessed by hearing others' anecdotal stories of their journey to wellness. Stick with it as long as you feel comfortable doing-so... I'm gald and proud for you ! CD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...