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googoogagao6o7

A Young Mom Seeking Support....

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I am a 23 year old married women. Mom of a 2 year old baby girl.

I am at a lost. I have so much that's wrong with me, that I don't know where to even start..

I've been married to my husband for now almost 5 years. I married young.

When my daughter came along (not a planned pregnancy) I was shocked. I found out I was pregnant in the emergency room where I ended up after a car accident. That's when my motherly nature kicked in I guess.. I was just glad my unborn child wasn't hurt. I was thankful. When I started having cravings and bad morning sickness, I then realized this was all reality. I've had thoughts about ******* myself when my husband was at work. I've had very disturbing thoughts about how I would end my life. Every time I am a second close to hurting myself, the image of a unborn child in my stomach just kept interrupting me. I've had tough pregnancy without any emotional support. I had trouble calling my unborn child my baby. I've always referred as the unborn child.. which is oddly wrong supposedly.. ..

oh I failed to mention my family members reaction when they found out I was pregnant. Although, I was married and settled with a wonderful man, it was stil my priority to finish college and obtain some sort of degree. My mom (single, bitter, crazy) had told me to get an abortion. She said a child would will ruin my life. Ever since then, I've had distanced myself from my mother. I've always known she was a bad person, but that incident had clearly told me, that she has been nothing, seriously nothing but negativity in my life. So I ditched her bye bye and started concentrating my life as myself.

My daughter finally came in to my real world. She was born after a long painful 25 hour labor. I've put all my troubles behind and got busy being sleep deprived and eating. I've packed on good amount of weight since then. Which I am still not able to loose..

I want to say.. it was around when my daughter was 18 months or so.. I've started having another set of disturbing thoughts.. I was so scared that my daughter would get hurt.. I was scared of her being kidnapped when I am asleep. I've had far more disturbing thoughts but I would never dare to share that with anybody,..

another dreadful few months passes without any notice..

I've had a suicide attempt when my daughter was asleep in her room. I've reached out for desperate help and a friend of mine came to stop me.

My husband was aware of all this. But he thinks I am crazy and I choose to be this way.

Lately, I've been so easily irritated. Seeing piled up dishes makes me so mad. everytime I see the house messy, I hear my husband saying " this is your job, and my job is to work and make money".. which he has said in the past when we were arguing. I pack his lunch everyday and the fact that it's "my job" to do so.. makes me feel so useless. I want to throw a plate across the kitchen.

I want to just seriously yell out " **** you **** you" to whom ever passes by. I am just so angry at my life and don't want to feel this way anymore...

I just needed somewhere to vent all this.. thanks for reading and any advice will be greatly appreciated..

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:welcomeani: to DF, googoogaga0607,

It's so difficult when we receive no support from our family members. It was good that you have distanced yourself from the negative impact your mother has on you. You can consider DF as part of your support system.

You sound like you may have postpartum depression. Have you spoken with your doctor about how you've been feeling? It would be a good step towards helping yourself.

We don't choose to have depression. For some, there's a familial predisposition, for others it's a series of life events. You can come and talk with us and be understood. We will never judge you or turn you away.

Sheepwoman

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Hi Googoogagao6o7,

Its very unfortunate that you and your daughter don't have the support of your mother. But based on what you've shared your've taken the right step of distanting yourself from that type of negativity. Sometimes the ones we may need the most can be our greatest obstacle.

I agree with Sheepwoman that you appear to be exhibiting signs fo postpartum depression. I can see why it is so diffucult to manage a household and be a wife and mother. I believe you are in desperate need of professional help. So for the sake of you and your family please seek additional help. When you do I think you will be able to cope better and the symptoms will subside. I wish you wellness and happiness.

Oh, don't forget you always have listeners and supporters at DF. So continue to share and vent out. Lets us continue to know how you are doing.

Lindahurt

Edited by lindahurt

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I recognize your symptoms as postpartum depression because I had it too. I can relate to your fears and you have an illness, but it is treatable and it is critical you get treated. You can't bond correctly with your daughter without removing your depression. If you need to get help with medication, but don't tell your husband until you get better, if he isn't going to be supportive. Life is worth so much more than what you are experiencing. Isn't it worth it to yourself, husband and your child to get some help? Your OB dr. or your general dr. can get you started. No one wants to feel as bad as you are feeling, but you can and will get better if you can reach out and ask for help.

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