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Feeling Amazingly Ugly Again...........


uglyduck

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I have always reminded myself that judging on looks shows what a narrow minded person you are. But right now, despite the constant reminding, I'm sitting here crying my eyes out whenever this feeling overwhelms me. the feeling of not having the courage to go out. I don't want people to see me in this state. I'm just too ugly. That's what I thought...How short sighted and pathetic could I be?

I've been seriously considering jaw surgery and braces to correct my face. You might think this will be a total waste of money, but it is not. It helps to build confidence, it helps to bulid self image. These things can come as priceless. But being in a family who considers plastic surgery taboo (even braces are no-no) I can't currently, I'm yet to be independent. I'm studying in a university now, and after the degree, I still have 3 more years to pursue another professional qualification to work. But now I'm at my limit, and I don't think I can go any further like this. This depressive mindset is so stressful and distracting. It's either to fix what's inside me for now (hard way), or to take the easy yet risky way out and fix what's outside.

Sigh, thank you so much for listening, I feel a little better now...*sniff... will go get ready for a day out...*takes a deep breath

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I have always reminded myself that judging on looks shows what a narrow minded person you are. But right now, despite the constant reminding, I'm sitting here crying my eyes out whenever this feeling overwhelms me. the feeling of not having the courage to go out. I don't want people to see me in this state. I'm just too ugly. That's what I thought...How short sighted and pathetic could I be?

I've been seriously considering jaw surgery and braces to correct my face. You might think this will be a total waste of money, but it is not. It helps to build confidence, it helps to bulid self image. These things can come as priceless. But being in a family who considers plastic surgery taboo (even braces are no-no) I can't currently, I'm yet to be independent. I'm studying in a university now, and after the degree, I still have 3 more years to pursue another professional qualification to work. But now I'm at my limit, and I don't think I can go any further like this. This depressive mindset is so stressful and distracting. It's either to fix what's inside me for now (hard way), or to take the easy yet risky way out and fix what's outside.

Sigh, thank you so much for listening, I feel a little better now...*sniff... will go get ready for a day out...*takes a deep breath

See some of my other posts for what I'm going through, but I'll give you a rundown here. I'm recently divorced, and trying desperately to get my ex-wife back. We're still close, she considers us best friends, we even live together, and we still have a sexual relationship. She says she loves me, and, if she ever gets her issues worked out, she might even want to be together again one day as husband and wife. So I try to do everything I can to show her how much I love and care about her. I might be naive and ignorant, but, right now, I don't really care. But, due to the situation, I'm suffering from extreme depression and anxiety. I don't know if she's ever going to figure out what she wants. What's worse, is that she gets in these moods where she wants me to go away and never come back. She later apologizes, and blames her outbursts on stress, which I know she is under alot lately, but I'm growing tired of what feels to me to be head games. With that being said. It's been said that 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'. When me and my ex first met, neither one of us were fat, but not skinny either. We were 'healthy looking' as I call it. Right now, she is close to 300 lbs. (she says, she doesn't look close to it), and very self conscious about her appearance. However, not once did I ever notice that she gained any weight. I don't know if it's due to the 'love is blind' deal, or what, but I just never noticed. She actually had a portfolio made before we had met for her to be a model. Now, I've seen some of those pictures, and they're great. However, she's just as beautiful to me now as she ever has been. I don't care if she is over-weight, I didn't notice it happen anyway. I think she's gorgeous, and I tell her so, all the time, but especially when she's down on herself. I understand that most people want to be happy with the way they look, physically, and, to some extent, it can help with self-esteem. You have to be happy with you, whether this is something physical, or mental, or emotional, or whatever. But, do realize, that beauty is only skin deep, and it's what's in the heart that counts. I know you've probably heard those cliches a million times, but I've found them to be true. I'm not even close to being handsome, by any stretch of the imagination. But my ex still thinks I'm the hottest thing since sliced bread. And that's all that matters to me. I'm fine with the way I look, for the most part (I was on meth for awhile, and my teeth have suffered some damage due to what's called 'meth mouth'), but other than that, I'm pretty ok with myself, looks-wise, anyway. I don't know if this helped you any, but I hope I did do some good.

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ConfusedDuck

First problem, you need to stop calling yourself ugly. There was a time in my late teens and early 20's that I had myself convinced that I was horribly ugly. There is a condition called Body Dismorphic Disorder that could apply here. Looking back, that was dumb of me. A couple of girls even said I was gorgeous. I was too messed up in the head to believe it. As mentioned, self esteem is the biggest issue you need to deal with. My wife keeps complaining about her nose and wants it changed. I don't get it....looks fine to me. You should see a counselor to find out if you just need help with self esteem. Maybe you can also get some objective opinions on what you perceive as a flaw in your appearance. You most likely are blowing it way out of proportion if it exists at all. Just think of Michael Jackson; he was a good looking guy who had his looks destroyed because of some imagined flaw.

Steve

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Hello, Just wanted to chime in that I agree with you 100% on the braces. You need to look out for yourself and having a nice smile and teeth properly aligned is not only a good way to remove a barrier to your self esteem but it is also *healthy* to have your teeth in proper condition. I would say go in asap and start the process, even having the process started will make you feel better that things are on the mend. I had braces also and its something you will never regret doing and to heck with what your family thinks, you need to look out for number one which is yourself.

As for the jaw surgery, I would suggest waiting until *after* your teeth are aligned properly because this will change your facial features and you may find that once your teeth are aligned that your facial structure isnt so bad after all. If you feel you *must* have this surgery, well wait until after school so it doesnt interfer, and then if you want it, go for it! But dont let it interfer with college, it can wait until your schooling is done in my opinion, but again, you must decide what you want for yourself, not us.

In all cases, I agree that a beautiful smile can really change your life around as far as self esteem is concerned. This is *my* personal opinion, but I say go for it asap, it wont interfer with anything in your life as I was in college and saw *lots* of students wearing braces!!!!!!!!!

Edited by BetterOff
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Hi ,

I don't know if your opinion of yourself is based on past issues that have focused on your appearance or you have a correctable flaw.

Everyone want to look good and that is great, but do get a professional opinion and see a cosmetic specialist for their insight.

It this is really causing you major problems about yourself esteem then you can have corrective surgery done as this will only enhance your overall appearance.

Do ask your Doctor for some advice as he will know what specialists are around with good reputations. Also try and find ways to enhance your appearance with natural produces on the market, it is amazing what well applied cosmetics can do for people when expertly applied.

Best Wishes

Jim Bow

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Hi, I've just got back from muggin at the library :). Thank you so much everyone!

I know my problem seems pretty petty... and I'm simply overwhelmed by your responses. They mean alot to me. Thanks so much!

Taking your advice, I've decided to get some professional help. These 'attacks' have been occurring more frequently lately and I realize I just can't cope with this alone. When I'm alone with my own devises, or whenever I'm dressing up for an outing, I plunge into this emotional labyrinth and it takes a deal to clear up my head and to continue with what I'm suppose to do. ><

Dear jimbow15,

Thank you so much for your advice! I'll keep them in mind and my list to do. And yes it has to do with my past experience (with verbal abuse) and a correctable flaw (my beaver teeth!), but I'd rather spare you the details there :x.. And thanks once again :)

Dear Betteroff,

Exactly! I saw loads of mates wearing braces! I just can't understand my folks. Whenever I brought the topic out, they'd be going in typical chinese manner "what for do? when you old... all your teeth will fall..----" and it can go on forever. But I don't like to push the matter any further because I know they've done alot for me when they really don't owe me anything. But it's just so easy for me to put the blame on my old folks (occasionally and guiltily I do) when it's actually me who can make the change. Anyways, I'm taking your advice and am going for it. But that could mean my part-time savings would prob be a goner in no time :x. I'll figure up some ways. Thanks for your reply Betteroff :)

Dear Steveab63,

Thank you for your advice and the info :). And I know what you mean. I do have friends telling me I look fine the way I am, and I know generally, the people I'm around with don't judge another base on looks but on personality. But it just seems so hard to change this irrationality in me (of thinking that people will look down on me), it's as if it's out of my control. But I'll do my best!

Dear mattncneal31,

((hugs)) Thank you. You really did help knock me to my senses. And you're a beautiful man. What you said was very beautiful and meaningful, and I couldn't agree with it more. I'll be keeping them in mind! And I really do hope the best for you and your ex-wife. Please stay well.

Dear violet31,

Thanks your concern Violet :), and the good tips. You're right, it has something to do with my self esteem. But I always have two sides conflicting, at times I can be confident, but there are often things that somehow just deflate my ego balloon and reduced me back to inferior me. I'll be considering a therapist session. and yoga is a really good idea since I've been having some foot problems lately (couldn't jog for months :(...).

Thanks everyone :)

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