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beg1984

Thinking I Might Start Seeing A Therapist Again... There Are Some Things I Have Not Mentioned Yet

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I stopped seeing the therapist quite a while back... been doing quite well for some time with no meds... but there are some things that bother me...

While I am diagnosed with Bipolar, I think there might me more the matter with me...

Please note some of this stuff is weird and might not be something you really want to read... just a warning

this is why:

I chew and eat nails (both toes) and fingers), because they have to be smooth and even, this usually causes me to end up biting into the skin on my fingers, they are very messed up... normally this causes me to bleed and lots of pain, as a result I have lost some feeling in my finger tips, not all, but some

I pick, chew, bite and rip at scabs, I do this because I need my skin to be smooth, and eat them

if I am bleeding I suck the blood

I pop any and all acne, and if it's on my arms I will bite it if I can not get it with my fingers, then I eat the puss

I like to use the bathroom in odd places

I HAVE to pop any and all blisters, by biting them, drink the puss and eat the skin

if I have any dead skin I have to rip it off and eat it

I pick my nose and eat it (leads to many nose bleeds)

for some reason, I get caught up in almost any conspiracy that I hear or read about

I think that the telephone system might be evil or something, not sure how to explain it, but I get the idea that something is inside of it... even though I know that this is not the case, it's just some weird thought that has been in the back of my head for a long long time

when I fall asleep I can look and the clock (let say it is 9:30pm) and I can have a full dream (I can read, smell, hear, taste, touch, etc) and then wake back up after what seems like a few hours and realize I have been asleep only a few minutes (says 9:45pm)

I have terrifying nightmares

I believe that my dreams are prophetic

sometimes very graphic and violent ideas and situations play out in my mind... I never act on these, but they are there, they have haunted me for many many years

I also feel that many people are plotting against me at anytime

when I am feeling very insecure I will sometimes put on a diaper and use it, I find it comforting (I think this might be the weirdest of them all)

I have not mentioned these things to a therapist because I fear what might happen if I do

what actions can I expect the therapist to take if I drop all this info on her all at one time?

Edited by beg1984

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Hi beg1984

I definitely would discuss these all with a therapist. They could be a sign of many things. I am not a professional, but there is a lot of paranoia, obsessive behavior and parallel thinking, which can actually stem across a whole range of diagnoses besides Bipolar. By talking to a therapist, they will get to the bottom of these thoughts and help you take the right steps to get you on the right track.

Trace

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Hi beg1984

I definitely would discuss these all with a therapist. They could be a sign of many things.

what is parallel thinking

yeah... it should make for an interesting conversation if nothing else... the interesting part is that all these things have not really got in the way of my day to day life, and no one knows

how ever I think its a good thing that I do not think that any of this stuff is normal... that i realize it's all a problem and that it does not affect my day to day interactions with other people...

a few examples:

the thing with the phone system... while it is in the back of me mind... I know that its just an odd thought and not real, even though I do not believe this thought, I have it none the less

the diaper thing, I don't do it n public, in fact its something I rarely do, but from time to time, if I am really very insecure, I might do this, once or twice a year, when I am home alone, again not something that is normal, but also not getting in the way of my normal interactions with other people

the skin picking thing... I have learned that it is not a socially acceptable thing to do, so as a result I do it when no one is around, or I go to the restroom

Edited by beg1984

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First off, I would like to give you kudos for being able to be so honest. I have to tell you that you and I share a number of similarities, that when I read your post got me thinking," huh. . ." (about myself).

I would definitely look into talking to someone, but the right person,-not necessarily just anyone.

Because I am not nearly as brave as you I will only go so far as to mention the phone thing from my perspective. . . I won't use a phone to talk on unless I HAVE to. In fact I have a cell phone but if you were to ask anyone who even remotely knows me they will be the first to say that I am nearly completely unreachable by phone. Texting is a different story; I have no trouble with that. I don't actually have a specific thought of something in particular "in the phone system" per say, but I honestly do get anxious when I think about using the phone. . .

Anyway, this is not supposed to be about me. I hope you are able to find someone who can help you. :-)

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Hi beg1984,

I don't think they will judge you, they definitely shouldn't be.

A therapist will generally try to understand why you feel what you feel, or do what you do, and then discuss or challenge those actions, and try to help you understand it yourself.

I definitely think you should tell a professional, because they could be the result of other underlying causes that may be able to be treated successfully.

Start with a therapist if you need to, but it may also be worth discussing this with a pdoc as well. And, if like me, you have a LOT of trouble remembering and talking about things like this to someone, write it down and just give the paper to them.

What I always did was write down what I wanted to say on my computer, print it out, fold it up so I don't see what is on it, the hand the crumpled white square to the therapist/doctor to open and read through. It really helped me get over the issues with opening up.

Best wishes

Hircon

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Hi beg1984

They can only do anything to you if you are a danger to yourself or others. I know it is scary to tell these things, but they can help you if you mention them.

Trace

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I definitely would encourage seeing a therapist. I finally started seeing a therapist again after about 8 years and it has been the most helpful thing I've ever had in my life. Just being able to tell another person the stuff that's been bugging and chewing us up inside all our lives is such a relief. I always wished I knew someone that I could ask any question and get an honest, objective and non-judgmental feedback and not worry about that person thinking I'm a total whack job and go gossiping to other people in my life the stuff we talked about, and for me having a therapist is the only thing that fits that description. My therapist told me that therapy is kind of like a practice session in a safe setting so I can deal with real life better and more smoothly.

For me it feels like therapy has been more helpful than all the medication I've been on for the past decade.

Edited by lithium_trip

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Hi beg1984,

I would advise as the others have to start back seeing a therapist. There are some deep-seated reasons for your behavior and I'm sure seeing a therapist can help you get to the bottom of it. I so hope that you get help soon.

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