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sgcray

I Messed Up My Life And Career

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Hi, I just messed up my whole life and career in the last 1 year.

Well, from the start, I got my first job when I was 24. It paid well enough. And I was really excited about it. And after 1and a half years there, I quit that place in anger cos after working very hard I did not get any pay hike. I liked the people there, apart from the bosses. It turned out to be a really stupid decision.

I joined another company in a different line of work, at the same salary. It seemed like a much better company to start off with, but the work there was very monotonous. It just got to me, and I thought about going back to my old company. d*** why? But it took like 10 months to get back. Thats a lot of time.

And now that I am back, I dont like it here either, cos all the people with me have moved ahead in life, to bigger better things. And I feel all left behind.

I cant work here, I am having anxiety attacks at work. When I hear about those people it gives me nightmares at night. I failed my life at 27. And now I just cant go back to the last company I left either, cos I messed up things with them.

I cant find another job, cos my resume is all messed up. And my family thinks I am stupid doing all this. Maybe I am. I am going into a really bad depression.

I also broke off my engagement during the year. I am trusted by no one anymore. Life sucks. I am thinking about committing suicide all the time. My salary is still the same as it was 2 years back. And I am stuck at places I didnt wanna be. I wanna quit my job and get some time off. But my parents wont understand this, and I cant quit cos of social pressures. And I am worried I wont find another job. But that place is ******* me now. Please help me....

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Hi sgcray ans Welcome to DF,

You should go and see your Doctor and talk to him about how you are feeling and your suicidal thoughts as you may well be suffering from depression and this needs to be treated urgently before you deteriorate further.

I think it is time for you to sit back and take stock of your total situation. You are still a young man and really have plenty of time to catch up professionally and even decide on a different career path.

You do need to take it easy, and calmly sit own with a pen and paper and decide what it is you really want to do with the rest of your life. I think the stress you are putting yourself under is causing your mental health problems.

As I said earlier there is plenty of time to make new career and personal decision on where you want to go with your life and career.

Best Wishes

Jim Bow

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Hello, just wanted to chime in with Jim Bow that I agree with his suggestion. See a doctor because it sounds like you have let depression get a hold of you. It sounds like you are obsessing with making a mistake in life and you are soooo young, you have lots of job opportunities ahead of you and heck, you even have a job right now. In this day and age thats an achievement in itself with the way the economy is going.

Everyone makes mistakes in life, its part of the process of learning and we never stop making mistakes either, we just get a little wiser with age. You never know where you will be 1, 2, or 5 years from now. Heck, you may even be opening your own company up. You cannot judge your self-worth against others. You just need to learn to keep a high self-esteem and do your best a work and rewards will follow. In five years from now you could be soooo far ahead of your other friends just because situations change, bosses change, opportunities will arise and you may be more qualified etc. etc.. Just do you best and understand that job and pay are not the end all and be all of life. Success is measured in many different ways, like finding a good spouse, being in better health through maintaining a better diet and excersize, etc. etc... You cant measure your worth by $'s.... thats a mistake alot of people make. Perhaps you should also seek a good therapist to talk about self-esteem issues. An anti-depressant can only do so much, establishing a high self esteem and a happy support system is equally

important in my opinion...

Good Luck, seek both medical assistance and talk therapy to overcome these issues of making a mistake. We all have....

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I just wanna say that I know things might change in the future, but I am just so stuck at the moment with my past mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes but not as big as my mistakes. And I have had people come up to me and ridiculing me for my decisions.

I am having anxiety attacks, and I wake up at night gasping for air, with sweat all over my face. I feel helpless and completely broken inside. Even at workplace I sometimes break down, and start to have anxiety attacks.

Is my life all over?

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I deal with exactly the same thing as part of my depression - a belief that I made a mistake in the past that will prevent me from being happy ever again.

In fact, if you look on DF, you'll find a large number of posts from people who believe that past mistakes will prevent them from being happy.

If you read Eckhart Tolle's book "A New Earth" (which I heartily recommend), he talks about how the story of everybody who comes to him for guidance could be titled "Why I Can't Be Happy Now".

This is not to discount the pain you're in - I'm in it too.

It's more to say that we all make these "mistakes" - and the thing is, we have to learn how to deal with them - which involves accepting that the world is the way it is, and starting from there - rather than wishing something was different. Which is ridiculously painful. But it's the only way forward.

One other thought - cognitive behaviour therapy talks about challenging negative thinking patterns with more realistic, objective thoughts. You say lots of people haven't made mistakes as big as yours. You didn't **** anybody; you haven't committed any other crime, far as I know; you don't have kids you don't want; you aren't in so much debt that you can't possibly get out of it. Etc.

Again, I'm not trying to minimise your pain - the level of pain has nothing to do, in my experience, with the size of the "mistake". But it is good to keep in one part of your mind a sense of objectivity, as much as possible.

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I just wanna say that I know things might change in the future, but I am just so stuck at the moment with my past mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes but not as big as my mistakes. And I have had people come up to me and ridiculing me for my decisions.

I am having anxiety attacks, and I wake up at night gasping for air, with sweat all over my face. I feel helpless and completely broken inside. Even at workplace I sometimes break down, and start to have anxiety attacks.

Is my life all over?

Hello, just wanted you to know that we have *all* made really really big mistakes in our past. I know you may think yours is worse than everyone elses but its not true, its depression whispering bad things in your ear. You have a longggg way to go in life, like I said in 10 years from now you may be running your own company and even employing some of your past co-workers. You just never know. And people that ridicule you for your decisions are what I classify as "low self-esteem people that feel they need to boost their esteem at the expense of others - they are in effect social vampires - avoid them like the plague, what goes around comes around and their time is coming"

Thats a mild way to put it as I actually toned down what I really want to say about people like that. Avoid them like the plague, they take pleasure from others mistakes, again social vampires that suck your self-esteem away...

And no your life is not over, how about its just started? You can look at the glass as half-empty or as half full. Please see your doctor as I think you may need some medical assistance to pull out of this funk and/or therapy to re-establish self esteem...

Good Luck and keep us posted... and please dont be so hard on yourself.... you have got to get over that mindset....

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It's actually not getting better by the day. It's getting worse.

I feel like quitting this job immediately. I could sit at home and search a job. But I am scared that I might not find a job soon enough. And I might have to settle for something less.

I know it would be stupid, but its really painful to walk into this office everyday. Memories of the lost paradise haunt me everyday. I see people on seats that arent there anymore. I hear people laughing at me. What a fool he is. I need a break from all this. I won't get a leave cos I just joined back.

I could do a restart with life, it would be my 3rd restart in a way. I have messed up the previous two. Maybe I'm just always trying to run. Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and sorry I could not travel both. But I have tried to travel both roads, and now I am sitting in between the crossroads, pondering over time lost, and people who are way ahead on either road, who stuck to 1 road. Either road I go on, would hurt me a lot, cos I would be re doing that road. So, I was like thinking of going down a 3rd road, and not look at either of the other 2 roads ever. Not be in contact with any of those people. My life would fail then, and I would cut off from the rest of the world.

Why did I make those horrible decisions. Why didnt anyone try to guide me through my decisions.

I never thought any of this would ever happen to me, I always did quite well with life. I was always well liked. I was destined for something great. And now, I am pondering over whether I would survive this mess. And whether the sky will ever be bright. And yes it might be bright in 2 years from now. But 2 years is a lot of time. Each day feels like an eternity right now. I just count down time at work. Then count down days. Then count down weekends. I am just loosing control of my life right now.

People who made wiser choices. People who didnt walk off the negotiation table with nothing. People who acted with their head rather than their heart.

WHy couldn't I be one of them? I resent everything now. Am I going to die at 27 too? I predicted that a few years earlier. And now we're almost there, just 4 months to go....

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Hi sgcray

We are all human, we all make mistakes and often we will take the wrong path. This is what helps us to grow and learn. I know that right now you are stuck, trapped and just don't know which way to turn. You can't forget the mistakes that you made. Perhaps those mistakes will lead you on the right road. Sometimes we have to get lost before we can be found and take the wrong road in order to find the right road. That is certainly true in my life.

There is a right road for you, you just have to find it. Have you considered writing a list of all the options you can think of?

Trace

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Hi Sgcray

After reading your post it seems that you are really in pain. I have made wrong decisions in life that resulted in financial losts, friends and low self-esteem. I too wish I had listen to those trying to give me sound advice. I spent a lot of time in treatment for severe depression triggered by these consequences. Eventually, I was able to pick up the pieces and move on. To help me through the process I started seeing a therapist along with taking medications. I had to go this rough because I started feeling like it was the end of the world for me. It was very difficult but things got better. Its not going to be easy but hang in there. Hopefully you can get someone to help you sort things out.

Edited by lindahurt

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Well I messed up even more. This year is a killer.

I got a wonderful opportunity to fix everything, and I was in such a bad mental state that I screwed it up badly. I was just so paralysed with indecision that I let the opportunity go. And when it went away, I finally realized how stupid I was to let it go. And now I feel so bad again.

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Well I messed up even more. This year is a killer.

I got a wonderful opportunity to fix everything, and I was in such a bad mental state that I screwed it up badly. I was just so paralysed with indecision that I let the opportunity go. And when it went away, I finally realized how stupid I was to let it go. And now I feel so bad again.

Hi Sgcray

I just want to remind you that you are not alone. Many of us have had light experiences. Even though you missed out on some wonderful opportunities, its not the end for you. Others will come. I've had those moments where I felt *Stupid* was written on my forehead. I just through away money on foolishness. But with the help of others I became a better manager of my funds.

Let this be another learning experience and don't let other opportunities pass you by. Best wishes for the future.

Lindahurt

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Hi ((((((((sgcray))))))))

You are not in a good space at the moment. I know it may not seem this way right now, but more opportunities will come your way. Perhaps this is a time, where you can learn to understand yourself a little more and heal a little. If you are feeling better then decisions will be easier to make. When you are in the grips of depression decisions are almost impossible to make.

Trace

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Hello Sgcray,

I know exactly how you are feeling right now, because I have been feeling this way for the past six or seven months. Logic says that you should be thankful to have a job, that something better will come in time, to be patient and that it will all get better.

But then the depression chimes in to let you know that by the time things get better, it may be too late. It tells you that, so what, you may have a job, it is one that you hate and everyone is laughing and talking about the dumb choices you have made. It tells you that maybe an opportunity may come along in six months, but that is way too long to wait and your current misery won't let you have patience.

I am stuck in a job where my boss and I were best friends and then he turned on me and now I am an outsider. He turned all my co-workers against me and I know for a fact that they send emails ridiculing me and talking badly about me. Everyday that I walk in here feels like someone is hitting me in the chest with a sledgehammer. I too have had anxiety attacks at work and i get frustrated, angry and hopeless. I have had some really dark days in the past few months. I have had to get increases in my depression meds and started taking meds for the anxiety attacks. That "new" job or opportunity seems so far away and I have made some poor choices.

But you know what, as bad as it all seems and as much as we want to just jump from a skyscraper, we have to take a step back. Try to remember all the bad experiences you have been through in life. They may have been bad, but they have passed. Each time you go through one, it feels that its worst than the last, but deep down, when you get past all the things that I have mentioned, this too will pass. Living the day to day like this seems impossible, I know, I feel that way.

I acknowledge my mistakes and my bad thoughts, I don't pretend that they don't happen, but I try to remember that it will all pass, just like everything bad to this point. You may need to try and do things that will keep your mind busy. I know that I don't like doing anything at all when I feel this way, but I force myself to do things. I do home improvement projects in my house, I take walks or play with my daughter. At the beginning it looks like a mountain, but once you force yourself to start doing something and get your mind occupied, you start to feel better. I think about what I am doing after work, when I am at work. I look forward to the weekend when I am not here. It is really tough, but don't give up, I haven't.

Things seems hopeless and impossible, it will all change, but you need to work on that change yourself. No one owes us nothing in this life, we have to take care of ourselves, even when we have family and friends. I always remember a line from a tv show. One character told the other that suffered from depression, "you have to be a better friend to yourself".

Hang in there and I hope this can give you some perspective and help a little. Take care.

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It's been 4 months now... Its not working out.... I messed up so many opportunities in indecision. I have to act! Now! I have to quit this job, but I cant find the courage to do so.... I feel like my attitude and my current mental state will not make it feasible for me to work anywhere...

I am making horrible mistakes and turning my life into a nightmare... Destroying all credibility.... destroying all chances of getting anywhere.... How do I start afresh.... Pls let me get out of this....

I am not working at my current job... just surfing websites all day... they might terminate me.....

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Hi sgcray

I am sorry that it is not working out. Your health is more important, as you will not be able to function properly if you are not mentally well. If this job is causing you so much distress it may be an idea to look at your options.

Trace

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For what it's worth, I've experienced the same sort of thing with my depression - a kind of dark wanderlust.

It was a regular cycle for me - especially in my 20's. I would feel malcontent with my life. Sometimes I would focus on not having a girlfriend. Sometimes I'd focus on my job, or where I live. Whatever it was, I just felt that my life just wasn't working out, and I needed to take some drastic action to change things, at any cost. I'd end up destroying relationships, changing jobs, and moving to new cities. About every 2 years. Eventually I'd end up being just as unhappy as I was before, in my old situation.

Medication helped for me. But really the big thing was having enough experience with my own patterns to recognize when these urges were coming from the depression. I still sometimes feel that way today, but it's not as big of a deal for me.

I know that I haven't given you any useful advice to work with. But I hope it gives you some peace of mind to hear that others have experienced what you are now, and have made it through it.

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That's exactly sort of what I have done.... and now I paused for a month or two...

First i thought the job was a problem so I changed my job. The new job turned out worse, so I came back to the old job. Now I am stuck in further distress cos I didnt pay attention to the monetary and work part, and i am stuck like 2 years back where I was. And now another job change needs to happen.

But here is the paradox now. I know a job switch wont help me mentally, but it would put me in a better financial and career position. But if the switch turns out wrong it could do more harm to me mentally. But if I stay here in this job, its hurting me financially and in my career for the next 1-2 years as well. And I am not mentally tuned in to work here. They are tolerating me cos of the good things I did in the past. So its a real catch 22 situation. My co-workers hate me here, cos they think I am just lazing around and not working. And my immediate boss is a little compassionate towards me, but at the end of the day he wants to get the work done, and has asked me to take a final call on what I wanna do. The new job people might not understand my mental state right now. And I dont really know what career path I want to head on to. But the longer I stay here, the more difficult it becomes to change career paths as well.. Gosh thats such a tight decision to make.

What if this job switch turns out all wrong as well?

What if where I am currently will give me mental peace and not so much work stress?

What if I need to throw myself into deep waters and test myself again? (I failed once)

I always thought I was going to do something special in life, something different from the masses. But here I am, stuck, worse than those so called "masses"

I have stopped smiling. I dont have my afternoon lunch usually. And the best part of the day is 7pm to 7am, when I am at home, sleeping or watching tv.....

What a mess I have created.... My parents dont understand... Lost all my friends.... :(

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Hi sgcray

The problem with what if's is that they are something that we can never answer. All that happens if you think what if... is that it keeps going round and round in your mind and the answer will never come.

You have a tough decision, but listen to your instinct. Write down a list of all the pro's and con's of each choice and that may help you to make a decision.

Trace

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I know... 2010 was a disastrous year for me too. My job gets the worse out of me and i took time to leave but i feel that last year is catching up with me. I thought that im getting better but it turns out that im having the same problems. Now im filled with anxiety and having panic attacks. I really dont know what i am doing and im confused whether i want to continue working there and self distract or quit my job and wallow. Im sure you feel that same way. i would say right now that im a mess, really. I have a very bad start and i wish to stop it. I just dont know how. Everytime my phone vibrates, i feel jumpy and jittery. My head is going to explode from all this worries. I want to have peace of mind. I want to have a safe and sound mind. Any advises?

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Yeah thats sort of like how I feel...

But just lately... in the last 2-3 days the feeling of inevitability is sinking it. This is as worse as it can get.... I can only go up from here not down. I am probably not going to make a big success out of my life (actually not big bucks), but I might just try to fix other aspects of my life...

I decided not to take the job available cos I had new information that the job really sucked... though it paid well...

I think I am reaching a zen like state, where nothing that happens really matters....

But then ofcourse reality rushes in, and gives me panic attacks....

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Yeah thats sort of like how I feel...

But just lately... in the last 2-3 days the feeling of inevitability is sinking it. This is as worse as it can get.... I can only go up from here not down. I am probably not going to make a big success out of my life (actually not big bucks), but I might just try to fix other aspects of my life...

I decided not to take the job available cos I had new information that the job really sucked... though it paid well...

I think I am reaching a zen like state, where nothing that happens really matters....

But then ofcourse reality rushes in, and gives me panic attacks....

me too. I was like jumping every time i hear my phone beeps or rings. I feel that the people are talking about me and begun to feel paranoia. I cant get out of the house. I cant do the things i usually do. I want to change my life and i want to have a sound mind. Hope we can get through this.

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I was just writing for a long time today... whatever was in my head, and this is what part of what I wrote :

Life as we know it, is quite straight forward when we are born. You learn to speak, walk, eat etc. You start your education in a school. Then you branch off to a particular stream, mostly determined by your family, or your marks. Then that naturally takes you to college, and perhaps a professional degree. The first job is usually not that hard to get. And then you make friends at work, and start going through the daily grind. A voice inside you tells you that this isn

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Then you branch off to a particular stream, mostly determined by your family, or your marks.

Hi Sgray

This line in particular stands out from your previous post. This is so common, people follow a path that is dictated to them by others or circumstance. I believe that we should follow our passions, whatever you really love, that is what makes work worthwhile, it is something that will make you happy and in turn make others happy. Many people do what they have to because that is what should be done (so many say), but what about what you want to do.

Think about all the chefs out there, they need passion to cook, if they did not have passion, no matter how well they cook, their food would not taste good. Imagine if they had a passion for cooking and decided that because family tells them they should go and get a degree in law or accounting or something else or the other. They would be miserable and the world would be missing a few great chefs.

There is a career in everything, what ever your passion is there is a career that will enable you to follow your passion.

The thing is after all these years to remember what it is that you may have once been passionate about.

Trace

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I was just writing for a long time today... whatever was in my head, and this is what part of what I wrote :

Life as we know it, is quite straight forward when we are born. You learn to speak, walk, eat etc. You start your education in a school. Then you branch off to a particular stream, mostly determined by your family, or your marks. Then that naturally takes you to college, and perhaps a professional degree. The first job is usually not that hard to get. And then you make friends at work, and start going through the daily grind. A voice inside you tells you that this isn't what I was meant to do in life, considering most jobs these days are suitable even for chimpanzees, unless you turned out to be a scientist or a scholar. And maybe you had dreams of becoming an astronaut, but here you are, punching numbers in a excel file, which pays you gloriously for your mental pain. And you go about spending that money, with friends, with family. You probably fall in love and get married. And run the race harder to climb up the ladder, and to earn more money, and to give your kids a better life. And then you keep climbing the ladder, earning more money, working harder, loosing hair, adding flab. And then your kids grow up, and find that they don't really understand what you are doing for them. And maybe you married the wrong person, and now both of you live your quiet lives under the same roof, without really caring much about each other. And then one late night, you switch on the TV, and see Neil Armstrong on the moon (or Mexico). How you would have loved to be there, and not go to your cubicle each morning. But time has passed, life is complicated, dreams were never meant to be fulfilled you were told once early in life. We all have to make compromises with life, that's how it's always been. And you look out the window, and go through the could have and should have in life. That trip to Egypt still looks so far away, as the EMI of the house and car never seems to end. And even if you do make it to Egypt, it's not what you really imagined. It's filled with too many people, and you can't get a quiet talk with the Sphinx. The planet is brimming with people, and you can't really afford to slack off, as the line seems to be getting longer, and the grind seems to be getting harder and harder to bear. Then you watch your loved ones pass away, your parents, that little caring umbrella is gone. But you were never nice to them, as they never really understood your dreams, and you never really understood theirs. And slowly all life becomes is about getting to that weekend, and hoping it lasts forever. Which obviously it won't, and the grind keeps going on and on, and there is no way to escape it, until we die. Is this what my life will become? Is this what I would have got from life for all my efforts put in?

Hey man. I know how you feel I have struggled a lot with work because of anger issues caused by my depression. Turns out I was in the wrong industry. I needed to be in a calm place, (I used to work in bars, lots of drunk, violent situations) so I changed careers totally.

I am retraining as a game designer, and I just turned 30! Trust me, the days of companies always wanting younger people is dying because experience + energy will always win the day. You're easily young enough to get into something else.

It also sounds a lot like you got into a line of work that your parents wanted you to get into. This is a really common reason for depression - trying to be someone you're not. Not to sound harsh, but if this is the situation with your folks, you need to do what makes YOU happy, and if they don't like it, tough.

I have a great technique I use that is an alternative to meds when I'm feeling bad: YouTube. Yep. Thats right. I search YouTube for the funniest videos I can find. I spend a good 1-2 hours just laughing. Laughter is one of the best ways to lift your mood.

I mean, its pretty hard to feel down when you're laughing so hard is feels like your side will split, right? Give it a try and let me know how it works. Does wonders for me, at least temporarily.

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You know I realized something even more deeply though provoking and confusing today. Not that I hadn't heard those words before but its like a moment when you realize, that ah this is what they mean by this.

Sorry if it doesnt relate to what this site is about, but I believe it could be the origin of it.

I think the problem here of depression, and more so in today's world, is cos of Consumerism. From the day we are born, it is drilled into us, as to the things that will make up happy in life. These must be attained in life, or ur a wreck in life. A good education, a well paying job, a status in society, marriage and several other things.

So, its like we are constantly working hours in a job we hate, just to get the things that we may not even want. But who really dictates that?

It's like if I choose to be happy with less, then I could be happy. But this wasnt what was drilled into my head from the day I was born.

Consumerism is eating the planet. We are getting distant from the things we should be caring about. And its all about getting things we could do without. If everyone's time here is limited, then why are we all going thru this routine each day, hurting other people in the process. And why does the world have to engage in consumerism, where rubbish is creating further rubbish. Its like, do any other office clerical jobs add anything of value to anyone. Does anyone really care about all that paperwork being done, and for whom are we doing it.

Its like we are all zombies in this world, not knowing why we must exist.

I dont know it either. But its like I being waken up from a dream, and I dont know what to do with it. Should I just go back to sleep again into that world and run my race till I die, or what?

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