Jump to content

Am I A Bad Mom


Recommended Posts

I have three children and am married. My husband lost his job and now we have no insurance. Which means no medicine for me. I feel like such a bad mom. I cry all the time argue with my husband yell at my kids. I feel ******* myself sometimes or running away. I love my family I just feel like I am losing it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi (((((((((((mommymadness))))))))))))

You are not a bad Mom at all. I can see by your post that you love your family very much, but you are suffering.

I don't know which country you are in, but there may be a free mental health clinic near you. Also take a look in The benefits room here.

Trace

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I live in liberty county tx i applied for an indigent health care program but was denied my husband made fifty dollars too much he got laid off from a good job and we lost our coverage and now is workin construction that has no health care i am hurting very bad and love my kids so much i dont want them scarred because me my illness i have who i am when i am not on my medicine soone days i just want to disappear they deserve to have a better mom i make everyone around me miserable i just cant take this anymore

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi mommymadness

None of this is your fault at all. I notice you have Bipolar? That is really not easy without meds. There must be a way that you can get some meds. Please can you have a look in the Benefits Room here, you may find some information.

Trace

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Hello,

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I have thought for the past almost 2 years that I was a bad mom. I've probably been bipolar since I was in 11th grade, so maybe 17 years old, and I was sent to a hospital by my school to get checked out in the mental health unit and my mom ripped me out saying that I was fine, there was nothing wrong with me. I was just diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 2 months ago. I'm married and have 2 kids now, so I've been undiagnosed for several years. My oldest daughter is almost 2 and I feel like all I do is yell at her for the stupidest little things; deep down I know it's really stupid, but it's almost as if I can't help it. There are days where I feel like my precious little girl HATES me because mommy is in a monster of a mood. I'm still new to this, but I think that I'm going through a manic phase when I feel like that. When I'm in a depressive state, I just don't want to do anything with her, I don't want to play, laugh, anything. She's too young to explain anything to and I just feel like crap. I also have 4 month old, so it's tough. I am currently trying to get meds figured out, but we are in the beginning stages. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone even though it may feel like you are. I'm sorry I don't have any advice on the whole unemployment thing or how to get your meds covered.

**Thunderella

Link to comment
Share on other sites

*hug!*

If you were truly a bad mother, you would not have been asking yourself that question. People struggle sometimes. Life can get us down and we can get ill. We can feel that we are not coping, we can misdirect our frustration and anger on those in the family that doesn`t deserve it. We can make mistakes. But the "bad" parents are those who when things get difficult and they make mistakes, don`t question themselves, who don`t want to accept that the situation is less than ideal, that won`t see that they could be better, who are don`t care about their children. It sounds to me, that you are struggling, with the situation, with the depression and the fact that you are without important medication and experiencing a crisis in your husband losing his job. But it is also apparent that you do care, and that you are not happy with the situation the way it is. You care about your family! The problems does not have to be permanent. You can work through this together as a family. Be open and communicative with your children. Let them know that though you yell sometimes, you love them. Don`t punish yourself or put yourself down, focus on healing and coping through this crisis. Children need love, support and safety. If they know that you do love them, and that it`s not their fault that things aren`t easy, then they will understand. Children are so much more understanding than we give them credit for. Keep the faith in yourself, your family and love your children. Hang on in there. You deserve kindness and love too!

ChrystalR

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 5 months later...
  • 2 years later...

It's not your fault, but yes, yes you are. My mom constantly asks me if she is a bad mom, she has depression. When your parent cries, yells and argues constantly wishing they could run away... I don't know what planet the other people here are living on, but no that's not what every child dreams of in a parent.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

of course it is not what every child dreams of in a parent...but there are many things that a child would not wish for.

To tell someone who is suffering with an illness that is beyond their control that they are a bad parent is incredibly insensitive.

I'm sorry that children have to suffer, but I'm also sorry for the parents that have to suffer, and I am one of them- if there was anything in the world that I could do so my kids didn't have to live with my illness I would and I am sure that mommymadness is doing her absolute best given her circumstances.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wish I knew what to tell you in regards to your medication issues. I could go off on a "that's what's wrong with this country rant" but that won't accomplish anything. I can only suggest that you make your voice heard, for yourself and your family. If you have a trusted doctor or psychiatrist, reach out to them.



But I wanted you to know that as for your feelings about being a bad mom, I can completely relate. I can't tell you how many times I've called my husband in tears and said that I shouldn't be home with the kids because I feel like it's not healthy for any of us. I hate myself every time I lose my temper and scream at my tiny little children. I know it's not what I want to be doing, but time and time again I find myself doing just that. One of my biggest fears is that they will grow up and look back on me as a monster, and not a loving mother. I love my kids more than the world, and am a "good" mother most of the time, but those moments that I lose it (which are often) are heartbreaking to me.



Know that you are not alone, and you are not a bad mom. I am not a bad mom. We're moms that desperately want the best for our kids and therefore feel the pain so deeply when we feel we fail.



Hugs to you from the Northwest.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...

Hi

I have a four year old, I lost my mum last year after ten years of cancer, this bought my condition to a head, I have tried many tablets, I still want to run, I do not want to be with my husband, but I need him, I feel like a bad mum to my four year old, I swear at my husband and get so cross, I can control it with my daughter but she sees me take it out on her daddy and then gets cross with him as she then thinks its his fault. This brings tears to my eyes typing it..

I love my daughter

I still feel that life is my biggest struggle

I'm here to listen too

Panda

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 6 months later...

Mommymadness

You're not a bad mom, we just have moments when we desperately need help and our medication. I'm so sorry your husband lost his job. You need to be resourceful and look for a mental health clinic in your town. In San Francisco they are free or low cost to those without insurance. I can tell you love your family but now it's time to take care of yourself! Please keep us posted and hugs of San Francisco❤️

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's not your fault that this is happening, so it doesn't make you a bad mother. You just need to be there for your children, in my opinion. Just because you're struggling financially doesn't make you a bad parent - you just need to be there for your children. Make them realize that you're there for them, no matter what. I, myself, never told my mother or father about my depression, because I didn't feel right doing it. I don't plan on telling them, either. Just convince them that they can trust you, and in my mind, you'll be a good parent. I'm fifteen, so you're hearing this stuff from a "child."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are not a bad mother at all. We can feel the love you have for your children coming from your post. I am so sorry that you're in this horrible situation.

If you would like help with the yelling, I really recommend Orange Rhino blog or Hands Free Mama. They're not mental health related but they will show you that you are definitely definitely not alone and that by the sheer intention to be a better mother you are doing great.

I wish you the best.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I have two children that are 2 and 5 years old. Plus my two step-kids who are 11 and 9 years old, on top of all that I am expecting. My due date is June 4th. Due to being pregnant I am not on the right dose of meds or even on the correct meds that actually work for me. So I totally understand what you are going through. But I will tell you this you are NOT A BAD MOTHER!

There are a lot of mornings that I don't even want to wake up and I get up instantly mad or so irritated that I lose it. I normally lock myself in the bathroom or some where in the house and cry. Then I will try and go deal with everything. My husband luckily has a job, but it is not easy when your not on the right medications and you have kids that are constantly wanting your attention the moment you get up.

But since you have no insurance for medications why not try doing things that make you calm? For example, my thing is reading a book. I normally will make the kids take a nap, at least the ones that stay home anyway, and start reading a book while it quiet. Then after their naps are over I will normally make them something to eat and do what ever else needs to be done. But the minute they all go to bed, Its relaxation time before I even decide to go bed. If nothing else there is a website that I found that I think people should check out.

http://www.mentalfeel.com/ is the main site. But they have other parts related to ways to fix a relationship to even how to deal with depression and other mental problems without medications.

So maybe it will help you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

Im 34 years old and i think i can honestly say i know how you feel, only iv been dealing with this for just a few more years as all three of my children are in there teens now and i was just diagnosed as bipolar about two years ago, and dew to the way medical is ran in my home state have not been on my meds all the time. It's been really heard on my hole family. Everyone keeps telling me that things will get better that there is a light at the end of all of this but it is just so heard to see. Every once in awhile i will get a glimpse of that light and then it goes out, and it all seams so much harder to deal with. I ask my self almost every day if i'm a bad mom and if my kids would be better off if i just left so they could get on with there life's with out me, and then something good happens that reminders me why why i'm still here and why i'm still fighting to get better, like being there for my daughters sweet 16, or watching her go to her fists high school dance and the joy on her face, or taking my boys on a fishing trip, which in one of the few things i can still do, or just getting that worm hug at the end of the day and them saying i love you mom. It's the little things that you have to look for in the day that will keep you going. So i just want to say good luck and try to look for the little thing's.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

I think people are being quite harsh on fpn. He she was saying that it is sometimes isnt the persons fault but sometimes someone is not able to be a good enough parent. Loving a child and good intentions isn't enough to be a good enough parent sadly. Love does not equate to a good parent. There is a reason why the law protects children if there is the need. The situation children are in is different regardless of the struggles of the parent.

Mommymadness, I think it is truly appalling that you are not being helped with your bipolar meds. For your sake and for your children's sake. For your whole families sake. I'm furious on all your behalves. Your pain about being put in the situation must be immense. Someone mentioned country programmes and prescription assistance schemes. I hope you find one.

If not and if you do feel you are unable to safely parent then I think its wise to contact social services and see if there is assistance for you through that route. I am in the UK so unfortunately cant help too much on what to do there. Please keep fighting. This isn't acceptable in any way. I am truly sorry for your predicament.

Edited by Fizzle
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

I medicated for years with 5HTP, B vitamins,Ginko Biloba, and kava kava. It helped with my moods. I am not a dr. Just stating something that may help until you can get meds. Also, benadryl helps sometimes in a tight situation of panic.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

I know exactly what you mean. I have a two year old and a six year old and I find myself constantly yelling or getting annoyed with my kids and it breaks my heart. But like you said, its almost uncontrollable. You are not alone. I am sorry about your insurance issues too. Its not fair to not be able to get the help you need. Have you looked into state suplemeneted insurance?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...