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You Know You'Re Borderline When...


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Well I'm positive I am borderline, but where did the term borderline come from? What am I borderlining on? Insanity? Thats what it feels like a lot the time.

I remember reading once that 'borderline' comes from describing 'borderline schizophrenic' but now it's not that and kind of has a new name (emotionally unstable PD) which better describes it but the name borderline personality disorder is still the mainstream name

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(((Joyandsmile))) your screen name and avatar always makes me happy when I see it. My screen name is negative, in a sense, I guess I also have a love/hate relationship with my username. ANYways

Seriously though, (and this is a rant) I've been questioning how much of my 'illness' is drug-induced and how much was already there in hiding, since I had an eating disorder before I ever even used drugs. I think I have always felt 'extreme' emotions though, since the ED, and therefore felt a need to use, and therefore damaged my brain... :( But also, I think the stress of the withdrawal from the suboxone i was on kind of triggered some psychosis and it wasnt until then I was actually diagnosed BP/BPD. Although it wasn't until then that I really started addressing my issues from a psychological standpoint (seeing a counselor, etc.) . Sorry to ramble. I have a love/hate relationship with myself especially.

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(((phalseuphoria))) thanks dear.. =) I googled up your screen name and found the meaning. I learn a new phrase today! ^^

Well.. no matter which and which.. we had to deal with ALL of them.. =/ I guess we are the same.. having love/hate relationship with ourselves even.. I do.. haha..

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Well, my therapist hasn't offered me any diagnosis, other than chronic depression with self-esteem issues and OCD. For a while she seemed really concerned that I heard voices, until I think she finally got the picture that I just have problems controlling my rumination whenever I'm alone. I've always been under the impression that a patient shouldn't self-diagnose because everybody has moments where they experience one symptom or another, and the significance is the degree or severity of the disruption that results. So I've had some pretty severe suicidal incidents that didn't result in an attempt, particularly over the past year. And maybe I'm learning to adapt and that some things I'm upset about aren't really my fault, but I'm also thinking maybe they are, and I should just get over it. But as far as interruption goes, I don't even know how to categorize that, because after I lost my job, I told everyone it didn't matter because I'd have a new one in no time flat, and I did. And I didn't really work to hard to get it because truthfully, I am in that much demand. Anyway, I don't know about the borderline thing. It seems like a lot of things fit. I'm not sure about whether dissociation applies, because I think I have a lot of moments that could be called dissociative, but they never stop me from functioning. I can imagine that a lot of other people might suspect that the whole world is a fake, but aren't really convinced of it, as I do.

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Newbie here....

YKYBDW:

-You are sooooooo grateful that when you signed up to this forum that you got instant membership, because waiting would have felt like rejection.

-You make formal complaints against professionals, organisations or businesses all the time because you have been wronged by everyone.(in your mind)

- You send the GP you've been seeing for about 8 years a letter saying that you know that you've become a complete burden on them and they should have just admitted they didn't want to see you anymore, instead of playing mind games and pretending to care,and that they won't have to worry about you burdening them anymore..... just because you couldn't get an appt when you needed one. (Then you just pretend it didn't happen at your next appt)

- You've been SI'ing for years, and discovered that it can be used as a way of revenge when your SO has hurt you, even though you keep it seceret and hidden.....and you feel so super-sly and like the 'winner' because of it.

- You've thought about the possibility of having BPD for years, are convinced you have it and all those doctors are stupid for not recognising it, then when you finally get the dx you think they must be wrong.......until you find this thread and you can relate to 99% of the posts here.

-You even think you're computer is bailing on you when it starts to slow down and struggle because you've been using and abusing it so much. (Laptop, you are my ONE constant companion. How can you be turning your back on me now when I need you the most? -which is virtually every day)

-When you show your SO a YT video about BPD and he cries, pointing to the screen saying "That's YOU!" and you think he finally 'get's it' and you'll never be hurt by him again, but he misses a text from you , and now you're convinced that he's deiberately setting out to hurt you.

-You go out for coffee with friends for an hour, have a good time and make a bunch of plans for the coming week. But by the time you get home, you retreat to bed convinced the world is against you and you are never going out again.

- Even with the few people you are close to you , you buy various SI'ing tools right in front of them and come up with really believable reasons of why you need them and feel good about being able to pull the wool over their eyes. (If you really knew me, you'd know why I'm buying it. We can't be that close if you can't think like me and know the various tools I use.)

-You keep your FB window open all the time, but if you don't see any notifications within 10 mins of posting something, you close it, turn your phone off or to silent so if they eventually do try to contact you, they'll worry and feel bad.

-Sleeping is your favourite hobby because dreams are so much better than real life....even the nightmares.

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  • 3 weeks later...

You can't have a meaningful relationship with anyone because you're always like, "get away get away get away get away get away.....hey, why'd you leave?"

That's me with everyone, but mostly my husband. I'm so afraid one of these days he'll really just go because he can't take it anymore. Everyone else has.

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You want a divorce but you know that you will not be able to live without your spouse...

You hate your job so much but you know that you have not the energy or the strength to find a new one...

You feel crazy, stupid, embarrassed, guilty and remorseful for self injury but you find yourself doing it...

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ykyb when you throw away your favourite wedding ring because you are very mad at a small argument and regret later...

you are undergoing a happy moment but still feel sad deep inside..

you can't plan anything ahead because a bad emotions can ruin everything

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You know your borderline when....

You get into a petty fight with your so and end the relationship again but are not sure if you are really broken up or not. FML.

repeat. repeat. repeat. repeat.

I once took the breakup seriously, kissed someone else, and my (now ex for real) brought it up for like, two years. ME: we were broken up. HIM: "we weren't REALLY broken up"

How should I know that we broke up like every week *smacks forehead*

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