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You Know You'Re Borderline When...


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Thanks R90,

At the moment, help is so hard to get, i wait in the emergency section of the hospital for hours and never get called, then i get told i have to wait over two months to even have an interveiw to see if i will qaulify for DBT and if anything happens in the meantime, theres nothing on offer but the emergency department -.- ive recently told the hospital i have started hallucinating and that my mood swings have become worse but apparently that is all apart of "severe BPD" .....Shouldnt severe mean that i get seen to much quicker? i just find it a bit frustrating that the wait for help is such a muck-around and takes way too long. I reckon the fatality rate for people seeking mental help and the fatality for peoplr not seeking help is exactly the same because the government isnt as concerned as they should be, but hey, what can we all do but be overly patient (im not very good at that)

Although i have started reading spiritual books, there is a massive difference between helping yourself plus being surrouned by people who want to help or have been throught the same thing that are willing to teach you how to be mindful , and reading it from a book expecting to do it all on your own.

How do we survive in this life without proper help being availible to us?

I hope everone had a good day today :)

XxX Sarah

Hey again,

I'm sorry Sarah to hear so, to hear that you are not able to get a proper care as soon as possible, now I don't really know about the health and mental system in your country, but let me say this: of course, if you are severely ill, there's "no way on earth" can treats you other than under a proper and professional care of a mental health professional or doctors but what I wanna really focus at is that you can, in the meantime, learn some relaxation and self-care techniques that may (or may not) temporarily ease the pain and the anxiety until you get to see a doctor or a psychotherapist for DBT!

May I share a bit of my story? I've been suffering for like 4 years now, I mainly suffer from BPD, dysthymia and OCD, I live in Lebanon, which is a very weak country in terms of mental health awareness and even social recognition of mental disorders, I've secretly tried to see a "neurologist" (just a note, psychiatrists are extremely rare in my country, and they are, if found, absolutely expensive, so can't naturally afford them), the meds didn't help me or I couldn't keep trying meds for months till they work because after all, I also can't afford buying them on my own (and not to mention, SECRETLY taking them!) So I am learning how to cope without any kind of treatment, yes it's hard, frustrating and difficult, what sometimes keeps me on my feet is me graduating this semester and finally leaving... (thanks to the return of a partial motivation)

For people who have the opportunity to get properly treated, GO for it in any possible way!

r90

I indeed have it better off than you do, i live in Australia where there is a stigma attatched to mental illnesses but probably not to the extent or the severity of the stigmas attatched to mental illness in you country :( you are such a brave person and here you are without anyhelp, trying to help others. Bless you.

Self motivation only goes so far for myself, so well done to you for having the courage and patience.

You Know Your Borderline;

When even the contemplation of living or "ending it" makes you indecisive.

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  • 3 months later...

YKYBW:

- Medication feels more like "putting wallpaper over a crack" than an actualy relief.

- You have a period of derealisation at work and nearly have a panic attack.

- Whilst you really want someone to care and see if you're okay, you really don't want them to because you'll probably, in reality, a) snap at them and be vile, or b) cry and not stop.

- A 30 minute car ride is enough for you to go from baseline mood to a major depressive state.

- Every one is probably talking about you and doesn't like you, even though they act like they do like you.

- You've lied to your CPN/Doctor about things getting better just so you don't feel like such a pain in the ***.

Edited by HelloSweetie
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How about...

YKYBW you read this thread, and can relate to 95% of it, even though your pdoc completely ignored you when you broached the topic at your last appointment, so you totally want to punch him in the face and have lost all confidence in his ability to diagnose you?...*exhales*

I've been suspicious for a while now that I may be borderline...reading all of your posts have confirmed it. Now, I have to convince my fiance and pdoc who don't believe me (my fiance has been telling me to not self-diagnosis, but I wouldn't have to if other people could get it right!). :taz:

Seriously, I can relate to so many of these it would be impossible to quote them all! Now I have to figure out what to do about this...

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Because I am constantly doing things that I know are 100% against what I actually want to do, and know that the person to whom I am doing them to actually prefers the real me (if that makes any sort of sense).

My communication skills with those I love the most are the worst sometimes. I hate this. I’ve worked really hard this year. I hope I’ve made some progress...

And, I mean...this whole post essentially demonstrates that I have BPD, doesn’t it? Sometimes it is truly awful, especially when I am being hit squarely in the solar plexus with a major depressive episode and serious anxiety/panic episodes, and trying to maintain.

—L

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Man, this is incredibly annoying.

I relate to basically everything that's being said, it all sounds so me. But the docs wont diagnose me with this. They'd rather pin me with the NOS.

Does anyone else make friends and then forget about them? Like, I'll get text messages from people being all like "We had a great chat at Dunkin the other day! Let's hang out!" and I'm just like.... what?

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You know you're borderline when... nothing satisfys you and you've become obsessed with someone and it feels good to draw your own blood when they don't respond how you expect they should.

I could practically have been the one that wrote that sentence. :ohmy:

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I'm not officially BPD, but I had a school counselor who hinted that I might be and a former therapist recently told me that I probably am. That's part of why I'm here. Going into the doctor this coming Wednesday to talk about it. Figured I would contribute something after reading all of these and feeling like they describe me perfectly.

You know you're BPD when...

The girl you're in love with (who lives on the other side of the country) says she's anxious because she's going to be hanging out with some guy the next day so she can't talk to you and you instantly feel completely betrayed, as if this guy is going to steal her away from you and you can't be friends with her anymore because you're not as important as any of the other people in her life. And then, to top things off, you completely explode, telling her that you don't want to hear anything about her anxiety problems because they upset you and that she won't listen to your problems so why should you want to hear about hers? And then when she says she has to go to bed you automatically assume that she just doesn't want to talk to you anymore, even though it's almost midnight where she is. She tells you that she will talk to you tomorrow if she has time, and you take that as a personal insult and tell her that you don't really care if she does or not. So she goes to bed and you feel abandoned.

Over the next four hours you then jump between feeling extremely angry and abandoned and extremely guilty for being such a b****.

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Wow. It's really overwhelming to read my entire life written out by a bunch of other people!

Received the suggestion a few years ago that I might be borderline and I've been fighting not to be borderline since then. After reading a book about it, I decided it was not a good thing to have.. and that I didn't have it (cuz I didn't want to have it!). Obviously I realized that I most likely did have it, which is probably what made me click on this topic! I'm really glad to know that others feel the things that I thought made me crazy, but it's still hard for me to accept it, because I don't want to have it. Am I making sense? Is everything I'm typing sounding completely borderline? lol! I feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I am not suffering from all of the things that I just spent an hour reading and saying "wow.. that's me!!" to every one. At the same time I am telling myself how ridiculous it is to try to convince myself that I don't feel those things, because I AM feeling them. Now I'm thinking you're all thinking I'm nuts.

Hm... I think I have found where I belong! Thanks to all of you for sharing all these things.. they gave me a lot of clarity about who I really am (rather than thinking that I am who I WANT to be).

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I wonder if these count. I am not diagnosed with BPD but I think it either is that or I'm totally crazy.

When someone is late two minutes for a meeting you feel like someone putyou in a dark little room and said to you - sit, wait - and you feel every second like an hours long. Feeling worthless and abandoned and scared.

When someone asks you a simple questions and you feel the reproach in there voice and you feel like that person is trying to accuse you of not being good, and you feel like you need to defend yourself.

When someone makes remark toward your attitude and you start obsessing - Why did I do this. And feel like a bad, naughty child.

When someone asks you -are you enjoying yourself - and that brings you a storm of rage and anger and pain and you just want to shout in their face - DO i LOOK like I'm enjoying my self, but you just give them a bad look.

When you stop talking to long time friends because you can't take their attitude anymore. Or when you start hating a person because she/he is always late, or doesn't pay attention to you or just because they don't get you.

When you feel misunderstood even in a forum full with depressed people.

When dying is always an option, but you just don't do it, cause there is always time to do it.

When you obsess about something day after day and then you can't take it anymore and do something reckless.

When someone threatens you and instead of obeying you do exactly the opposite or something even worst.

When someone praises you you try to make them see the real you, the bad one in you, by doing everything they don't expect from you. That way you can disappoint them as soon as you can, so that you don't get disappointed because of them getting disappointed by something that you did not do intentionally. If that makes any sense.

When you push people away before they decide to leave.

When you feel good and walk around wit a smile on your face without realising it and people look at you and ask you why are you smiling, and you have no idea what to tell them of what is so funny or that even there is a smile on your face.

When someone says something that annoys you tremendously but he/she has good intentions and says it with a smile. So you look at them and you feel like you wanna shout but your body reacts to their smile and you smile. But inside you are feeling like you wanna shout at them

DOES any of this counts?

Edited by absent
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When you go to see your friends for a coffee but they say something and you just leave and start hating them and unfriend them on FB though you are not a child, and you are thinking of sending them a spiteful message but that would be even more childish, so the list of people that you stopped loving has grown to everyone that was recently your friend. Because friends that live far away send you messages but never respond back. And you feel no one is there for you when you need them. Or is it just normal depression?

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It is scary to see how much this all relates to me, as I keep telling myself that I'm a teenager and probably just having mood swings.. And 'absent'? You said that maybe it's just normal depression? I felt i could relate to pretty much everything on your list, but only every so often I have intense feelings of happiness follwed by what you listed and I'm fairly positive that I have BPD...I'm not sure if that helps you or not..

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It is scary to see how much this all relates to me, as I keep telling myself that I'm a teenager and probably just having mood swings.. And 'absent'? You said that maybe it's just normal depression? I felt i could relate to pretty much everything on your list, but only every so often I have intense feelings of happiness follwed by what you listed and I'm fairly positive that I have BPD...I'm not sure if that helps you or not..

Thank you for the answer. The truth is many times I didn't believe I am but every time someting new happens I just see how much it relates to this condition and I'm trying to get some information for my past and I talk how people see me and everything corresponds with this condition. It's getting more and more obvious for me. Thank you again for replying.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but am almost 90% certain I have BPD. Thing is there is no one in my country who offers therapy for BPD.

Half of them have never even heard of BPD. I don't know what I am meant to do.

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I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but am almost 90% certain I have BPD. Thing is there is no one in my country who offers therapy for BPD.

Half of them have never even heard of BPD. I don't know what I am meant to do.

Hi Jammybear

What country are you from?

Trace

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi there :) I am brand new to this forum, but not new to being mentally interesting lol. However I did just recently discover that I am Borderline, in addition to my Atypical Depression and anxiety issues. A new therapist brought this possibility up this week, and sent me home with the MMPI-2 test. As I am impatient (hello, need for instant gratification) I found the online one and did that so I could review my scores myself, rather then wait the two weeks until he can see me again (don't worry, I will of course bring everything to him to make the final determination) but I have scored very high for BPT and since then have read multitudes of information on it and it makes perfect sense, considering my issues with relationships with other people and constant mood swings that just never seemed to fit in exactly with the other types of depression. I've been diagnosed and misdiagnosed so many times.

Anyway, I just wanted to say THANK YOU! to all who posted in this thread- I see myself in so many of these posts it's absurd. I've copied many of them down to show my husband, as I'm sure he'll completely agree it's Me as well. It's crazy to see you recognize yourself in an illness/condition you never knew you had... I always thought I was just different and people didn't understand me, and there was no way to change. Now that I know it is 'something' and not just me, now that I know there is treatment- what an amazing feeling to think that I could change.

Thanks again :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

You constantly think you've annoyed someone or done something to upset them, you say sorry, you ok, and how are you *all* the time

Indeed, I do that sometimes...

....and then you worry that you have annoyed/upset that person by thinking that you've annoyed/upset them and then constantly asking if you have annoyed/upset them....and round and round it goes....Ugh.

Been there, done that. Well, being there and doing that, but it's better than it used to be....most of the time:/

yeah... I thought that I had annoyed a group member of mine and went to the top floors and plans to jump... but in the end scared off... when i went back home and called the friend, it turns out that she wasn't talking about me.. haha... glad I didn't jump... =,=

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Where are you dear "borderliners" ? Anyone ?

My X Girlfriend of 8 years has BPD so, I would like to say: You know your GF is Borderline when...

She breaks up with me saying "its over forever" and were back together the next day and she says "I love you so much I will never leave you again, I promise! Then breaks up with me again the same day. She's back first thing in the morning crying saying Im sorry, take me back I can't live without you, I'll never leave you again, I promise! we repeated this cycle 3 times in a week.

I say to her "good morning" and she asks "did you really mean that-good morning or are you being sarcastic because I am having a bad morning? I try to explain No sweety, I just got up and said good morning and I hope you will have a good morning. She brutally attacks me saying "I know within myself you were making fun of me when you insulted me with "Good morning" and you did not mean it! Why must you always have such a dark opinion of me when I'm so kind to you? 1 and 1/2 hours later she is still raving then stops. Laughs with a good deep belly laugh and says "man we can sure be silly sometimes huh." I love you so much honey, let me make you a nice breakfast. She is instantly recovered from the anger and starts to sing happily as she cooks me breakfast talking about how sweet it is to have eachother to love. We are so blessed.

I put on my mechanics coveralls and say to her, sweetheart, I'm going out to the garage to fix your car now! She attacks me with a 2 hour arguement over nothing. Then we are both exhausted from arguing and can't go on. We look at each other and say "what was it we were arguing about again, I can't remember? We both shrug our shoulders and say I don't remember what we argued for. Im too exhausted to work on her car in the hot garage and go take a nap. Later that day shes mad because I said I would fix her car in the morning and did not do it. I remind her that she picked a fight with me and just would not let me go out into the garage. She replies "OH SO IT'S ALL MY FAULT NOW! She rants for 2 hours and were so tired we just go to bed and sleep.

Broken car in the garage.

I don't know if Im crazy, but I loved her more than I have ever loved anyone in my life, I still do. She ran off with a man who looks exactly like me but he's 20 years younger than her and he's married with 2 kids. She is his mistress and happy.

I am afraid for her though. Her married lovers wife has not found out about her yet. The wife is very jealous, hot tempered and owns a firearm.

I fear my x will not die of old age.

Don

This is what me and my bf do... but he never agrees in breaking up with me because he knows my problem. Love him a minute, hate him the other... haha... silly... T.T

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Wow. It's really overwhelming to read my entire life written out by a bunch of other people!

Received the suggestion a few years ago that I might be borderline and I've been fighting not to be borderline since then. After reading a book about it, I decided it was not a good thing to have.. and that I didn't have it (cuz I didn't want to have it!). Obviously I realized that I most likely did have it, which is probably what made me click on this topic! I'm really glad to know that others feel the things that I thought made me crazy, but it's still hard for me to accept it, because I don't want to have it. Am I making sense? Is everything I'm typing sounding completely borderline? lol! I feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I am not suffering from all of the things that I just spent an hour reading and saying "wow.. that's me!!" to every one. At the same time I am telling myself how ridiculous it is to try to convince myself that I don't feel those things, because I AM feeling them. Now I'm thinking you're all thinking I'm nuts.

Hm... I think I have found where I belong! Thanks to all of you for sharing all these things.. they gave me a lot of clarity about who I really am (rather than thinking that I am who I WANT to be).

Haha.. you're funny... but you had done the right thing accepting who you really are. ^^

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