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You Know You'Re Borderline When...


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  • 6 months later...

I can relate to all of these and I feel less alone but also a bit panicked?

Lately:

When you are at your doctors you feel like they are accusing you of something and that they are making fun of you/they hate you and you refuse to talk enough for the rest of the session.

If you go to a new doctor they first think you are bipolar.

When you get suddenly angry at everything and know there's no reason to feel so mad but you can't stop it so you hide in your room waiting for it to go away. It wont though, so you start hurting yourself.

When you're new to this forum and are terrified of posting anything, then you write and rewrite posts but think everything you come up with sounds wrong and stupid.

You go from loving someone to being completely indifferent or absolutely hating them. You want to go out on a date but when you're with them everything they do annoys you. I've 'broken up' with guys by simply suddenly cutting off all communication with them - I feel awful about it now.

I have a wonderful relationship right now but sometimes feel this urge to run and hide because I get terrified that he is going to find out that I'm somehow an awful person and then leave me. Then other times I think 'of course he loves me!'

Ah I didn't meant to write this much but it keeps tumbling out!

- lucie

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When you cannot trust yourself to make decisions.

When you are so obsessed with everything, even your mental health and you have no patience.

When someone stares at you ind the public transport and you just wanna jump and smash their face.

When you feel anything you say is taken out of context and distorted and you are so tired of hearing the same stupid answers that you start to lie about everything.

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  • 3 months later...

When your boyfriend never knows exactly when he's truly in trouble, because you're wailing at him like a banshee (first e-mail) and then absolutely positively thrilled with he who is the love of your life (second e-mail...five minutes later).

Omgosh...am I REALLY this person?!

*sigh*

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When you feel so empty inside and lonely and spend all your spare time alone wondering why you have no friends...but are too scared and self-conscious to attempt to make any friends.

When you meet new people you are convinced they think you are a total loser every time you open your mouth.

THIS.

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  • 3 months later...

Hi i am 27 male, 1 week ago i discovered i have borderline,1 month ago i finished reading ´the power of now´ by Eckhart Tolle... i always knew something was wrong, i just couldn´t describe it in words... i diagnosed myself with borderline after talking to friends, family and my ex... i went to the doctor and he is sending me to a therapist... i am going in 2 days...

Here is my: YKYBW

you are having dinner with your mother and sisters. you are having a normal conversation and suddenly you feel you have to be right about whatever, your mother and sister disagree with that... you feel triggered and don´t know why and start raising your voice and hitting the table for no reason... Then you forgot about what you were arguing and you get angrier... you get up and walk away from the table, when you get up, you feel the storm raging in your chest and smash the coca cola bottle of the table. Then you walk away while your mother is yelling things... Just before leaving the dining room you yell ´shut up and leave me alone!!!´... Then you go to the stairs and when you are halfway up the stairs, you see your mothers and sisters cry becuase they followed you to the stairs... your mother calls for the help of god... and you get very sad and then you take the banisters of the stairs with your both hands and start pushing and pulling with all your strength... Meanwhile you are producing a sound of a lion or a grizzlybear roaring!! Suddenly you realise you ripped the banisters of the stairs (really happened)... Then you get scared because you broke the stairs and suddenly you wake up and hear your mother and sisters screaming and crying... Then you run to your room and barricade the door with your bed, desk and closet. Then you start throwing whatever you can find... Then you feel you are exploding on the inside and the only thing you want to do is hitting the wall with your fist, so you do it one time and almost break your wrist... Then you get very sad... Then you look for your mary j, roll a mary j sigaret and start smoking... while you are rolling that sigaret you feel the biggest stress of your life, like you are going to collapse... when you are smoking that mary j sigaret, you are preparing the next one, you smoke it too, go in bed... the next morning you get up... and act like nothing happened...

here another one...

YKYBPD when you go to the farmacist for cafeinepills at 16hrs because you don´t feel fit and you know you are having a party tonight, a big one with david guetta and roger sanchez ... So instead of scoring drugs like xtc or anything better then that, you decide to for cafeinepills becuase your girlfriend comes with you and she does not know you take drugs... Then you are at the party and your ears start to roar, you don´t hear the music anymore, just a big rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... Then you realised you mixed 5 cafeinepills, without reading the prescription, with 6 alcohol redbull and are vomiting your life out for 12 hours and then your girlfriend calls the ambulance because you start vomiting blood... You end up in the hospital with an overdose of caffeine and the nurse saved your life...

Oh and this one...

YKYBPD when you need to smoke illegal drug every day and watch porn all day

Does this sound like i have BPD?

Kind regards

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i am scared... i have loads of YKYBPD...

i tought it was because of my childhood and addiction to mary j...

but the intensity of my emotions and the emptiness is not to explain in words...

YKYBPD when you are argueing in the car and you say something you shouldn´t say, but you do it anyway... Then your girlfriend smacks you and the first thing you do is turn into an alley... the surface of the road was covered with ice an snow... you know you are going to do something crazy and don´t think about the consequences... Then you say to your girlfriend: watch this! Then you pull the handbrake and keep your hands up and start to laugh with the reaction of your girlfriend... suddenly you realise something bad is going to happen and you don´t know what to do... so you prepare to hit with the wall an crash with your car into the wall... you both walk out and your girlfriend starts to hit you and you are just laughing with it... Afterwards you get angry with yourself because you know it´s going to cost you money and you blame your girlfriend for hitting you... oh my god i am so borderline...

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YKYBPD when you can´t enjoy the moment... when you are sad while smiling for a picture and when you see your picture, you see you are sad, but other people can´t... when you keep thinking and thinking and worrying and going paranoid... when you feel that nobody understands you... when you are screaming inside, but don´t have any idea why you are screaming... when you go to the toilet every 30 minutes because you are nervous and anxious...

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  • 1 year later...

YKYBW.... when completing any form that requires a "In Case of Emergency" contact and you realize there is noone to put down b/c you have no friends or family left....

YKYBW.... when you're dog goes in the other room to hang out and you think, she doesnt like you either and you're a terrible mom 2 your doggie

YKYBW.... when every time on the news they announce a near-miss of an astroid coming close to the earth orbit and you wish it would just strike dead on, to put you out of your misery

YKYBW.... when you think.... or KNOW, that you HATE people, but also care what they might think of you

 

YKYBW.... you discover a forum thread like this one and feel relieved that other people can relate to my crazy thoughts and feelings.... and I can even laugh at myself a little. 

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