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bd5

Asked My Wife For A Divorce

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So over the last month my wife has dropped several hints that she is sick of dealing with me and my depression. She gets on me for laying around to much when I'm depressed, has commented that I'm like her 3rd child and is sick of taking care of me. So tonight i gave her her wish and asked her for a divorce. Did I do the right thing?

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Hi bd5,

Well this is usually a joint decision, so what was her reaction?

I guess things must have been pretty bad for you to ant to get a divorce, have you talked about your depression at all and have you told her how you feel and what depression is like.

Are you on effective medication , are you under the supervision of a Psychiatrist or your Doctor or both. You do not say why you are feeling so bad or how your marriage got into this state.

For instance my wife was very supportive during my depression , and we retained a loving , caring relationship even though it must have been pretty tough for her to manage my depression and behaviour.

So is this the last resort or can you mend your relationship befire going to that extreme. You did love each other once.

Best Wishes

See you Doctor for a drug review

Jim Bow

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Hi bd5

Has she told you in the past that she wanted a divorce? How did she take it when you told her?

She may not understand depression and may have been frustrated and did not know how to talk to you. Have you communicated with her at all with the way you have been feeling.

We can't really tell you if you have made the right decision, but to support you properly, we will need a little more information.

Trace

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It's hard to say, and I think only you can truly know the answer to that question by searching deep inside - do you feel relieved at your choice, or are you already regretting it? The answer to that question will tell you if you made a mistake or not.

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I have a couple of questions, either for you to answer here or just think about for yourself :console: Do YOU want a divorce? Is her lack of support/understanding stressing you out to the point where you think you'd be better off alone at this point? And how did she react - was she surprised, or relieved?

I'm just wondering if this is really the end of the relationship or if it's just that your wife doesn't understand now, but maybe will understand in time and things will be better.

I don't have enough information to know if this applies to your situation or not, but I think sometimes depression can lead us to sort of blame the ones we love in our lives for our depression, and we hope that leaving them will "fix" the problem. I know because my own mother did this to my dad and us kids. So it's a very sad situation and worth a lot of thought.

Wishing you the best. :flowers:

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I agree fully with ocarina. In relationships in the past i put so much pressure on girlfriends to make me feel better and take me out of my depression. And when they couldn't, I would start to blame them for everything i felt. I would get so anxious that the only thing i felt i could do is breakup with them. it gave me this initial sense of freedom.. but i usually felt worse after.

Think it through and talk about it. My wife of 10 months and i have recently brought up the topic of divorce as i have been spiralling down into a horrible depression. And i think to myself.. if only we broke up i would be happy. but i know that's not true

I have a couple of questions, either for you to answer here or just think about for yourself :console: Do YOU want a divorce? Is her lack of support/understanding stressing you out to the point where you think you'd be better off alone at this point? And how did she react - was she surprised, or relieved?

I'm just wondering if this is really the end of the relationship or if it's just that your wife doesn't understand now, but maybe will understand in time and things will be better.

I don't have enough information to know if this applies to your situation or not, but I think sometimes depression can lead us to sort of blame the ones we love in our lives for our depression, and we hope that leaving them will "fix" the problem. I know because my own mother did this to my dad and us kids. So it's a very sad situation and worth a lot of thought.

Wishing you the best. :flowers:

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I can relate to this from the other side. My husband is depressed. He is on medication, but I'm not confident he's got the right meds or dosage for him due to some of his symptoms, and of course, his lack of motivation to make the commitment to therapy of some sort to help him both understand the illness and get help for the underlying cause of this depressive episode (going on 4.5 years now). I have been blamed for everything...not "allowing" him to grieve over what ultimately triggered the depression this time (because I jumped into action to deal with the issue), not doing "A", "B" or "C" so he can work on it, not listening to him, blaming him, not supporting him, you name it. Yes, for the first 2 years of it, I didn't understand what was going on and responded to the symptoms without knowing what I was dealing with. The only thing stopping me from a final ultimatum (get help or it's over) is knowing without a doubt that he would choose the easier path of ending our marriage and that won't do him any good, nor our kids. I really think the OP needs to think long and hard about the reasons for asking for a divorce. It doesn't sound like it's a decision that is thought through completely (but of course, that's hard to determine on a message board). Have you considered marriage counseling together? ,

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sorry it has taken me so long to reply. We have been trying to work things out.

We have decided to try and make this thing work, we have 2 great kids and at times a very good relationship

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I can only add that I am a true beleiver in CBT/DBT{especially}, and that MINDFULLNESS is a powerfull thing. Both teach that there is is conequence to every action or emotion. Did you consider the consequences?

Warmest Regards,

Deepster

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Hi Bd

I am so glad that you have decided to try and make things work. That is excellent news!

Trace

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