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Social Activity + ? = Pleasure


Hertz

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Basically, the only reason why I participate in social activities is that otherwise I feel absolutely miserable instead of simply miserable. When I don't socialize for a while my mood drops significantly.

But the catch is that seeing people gives me no pleasure. NO REWARD. I'm scratching my head trying to find one aspect of it that is pleasurable, to no avail.

(I don't suffer from complete anhedonia since I enjoy food, sex, tv shows, novels etc.)

One possible cause:

In my family, being social wasn't encouraged. For example, during one of my birthdays, when I was becoming 16, my family (mom,dad,brother, brother's girlfriend) and I went to a restaurant to celebrate. I barely talked during the whole time we were there. I remember not talking for at least an hour straight. And they did not give a ****. Weren't alarmed, concerned. Nothing.

And this happened many times more, in similar settings, and began in my childhood.

Their attitude was: If you don't want to talk it's ok, but if you do it won't really matter.

I think I've internalized this.

Is there any way out of this?

What gives you pleasure, even minute, in social situations?

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I know I don't talk much in social environments when I have nothing in common to what other people are talking about. Do you find yourself in the same boat because you have nothing in common or just that you don't have anything to really say. Sometimes I never speak because im just not big into small talk. Even depression can cause a person not to enjoy a social environment. Are you currently taking any Anti-depressants?

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Hi The Amiss,

Having things in common helps to have a conversation, but even in that case I can't say I enjoy it. My feeling afterward is that I have passed time efficiently, and thus avoided the negative thoughts I get when I spend too much time alone.

I take two ADs and a med for anxiety, and I see a therapist every week.

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Hi Hertz,

I personally think it is good to socialize as a habit as it keeps you in the flow. Sounds like your family were not big on social events being enjoyable, fun and relaxing, so perhaps it has rubbed off on you as well.

Look for things to ask people so that they do most of the talking and you get pleasure from listening to them. People love to talk and have people interested in them. Gradually over time you may start to find it pleasurable.

Best Wishes

Jim Bow

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i am sure i would find joy in sociel situations if i were eevr included (as in people asking me questions,,not ignoring my questions or interrupting ect) maybe its the same for you too maybe you just need to feel or be included in the conversation like everyone above has stated try asking questions. though sometimes like in my case has never worked becuase i will literlly be ignored but if one group ignores you try to find another.

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Look for things to ask people so that they do most of the talking and you get pleasure from listening to them. People love to talk and have people interested in them. Gradually over time you may start to find it pleasurable.

Hi Jim Bow,

With some people the conversation flows easily, I'll give my opinion, confide things etc. When I find someone like this I try to see that person again. So I guess I enjoy it more when the conversation flows and we talk about personal stuff. But that pleasure is very limited and I find this discouraging.

Maybe I should suggest activities I enjoy more. I've been thinking about going to a waterpark for example.

if one group ignores you try to find another.

Hi xchairity_casex,

It's true that some groups of people just don't make you feel included. That happened to me recently. It's what prompted me to post this message in the first place.

I'll try to find among this group individuals with whom there's some level of connection. If not, like you suggest, I'll look elsewhere.

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