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Remember - It's Depression


budfox

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blackdogpie, on 11 Mar 2014 - 5:20 PM, said:
Girljusthiding, on 28 Dec 2013 - 12:47 AM, said:

Depression is so misunderstood. I'm often told to just snap out of it. Or get over it. As if I have that control. I wish. Sometimes I can feel it coming on, other times it seems to

come from nowhere. I can feel somewhat normal for long spans of time, and then suddenly sink. Currently I'm not on meds. I'm trying to cope, and basically hide it, I guess.

But I am fully aware of it, and all the signs that assure me I am depressed are there.

One of the hardest things about all this is that others do not get it. You can't just "snap out of it". if you could, you would. You can't, so you don't.

It is infuriating that some people think we just make this stuff up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would hear just pull up your boot straps,suck it up or this one I like the best "Be a man" ...They just have no clue and that is why we go through what we do so someday we can offer someone a lot more than " pull up your boot straps " give me a break...

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks Budfox,

I'm having a particularly bad day/week and your post has helped remind me that not every day will be like this, and it's not all my fault. I'm not sure I fully believe it at the moment but it has at least given me momentary mental clarity.

Wishing everyone a happy day,

SG

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I'm new to this forum and to be honest I'm also new to depression. I'm 19 and in college and it seems as if this whole first year of college has been a tumultuous roller coaster of emotions and heartbreak for me. I don't know if it's just because I'm young and experiencing actual real difficulties in my life for once or if I've developed depression. I always thought I was just sad and had bad days a lot when I was in high school but now since I've been in college and things have been getting more and more strenuous between my family and my boyfriend and also trying to deal with his depression and his issues with his mother I feel like I'm about to break under all this pressure and just become a lifeless vegetable. Actually, I feel like I'm already lifeless because I don't feel emotions or seem to have any interest in life anymore. The only emotions I seem to feel anymore are sadness and anger. I guess what I'm really asking is if you, who seems to be well versed in dealing with depression, think I indeed do have depression or if I'm just an emotional college student not adjusting well to life outside my family and if I'm just being melodramatic.

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Hello,

I'm new to the Depression Forum and was seeking a specific forum topic to respond to. Specifically, I was reaching out to other new Lexapro users and posted the following to another forum, however, I'd like to connect with any person who is still struggling in general.

I've struggled with mild depression and anxiety my entire life, but, I didn't need to start medicine therapy until my senior year of high school. I made a move to a neighboring city one year ago after graduating college in 2012, moving home to work and look for full-time jobs for another year until this opportunity presented itself.

After a year of job hunting, I was willing to take any position that required a degree, was full-time and allowed me to move away from home and get started with my life. Within weeks of my move, I fell into a deep and chronic depression which I am still dealing with to-date.

Over the summer I found a great therapist whom I trusted with medicinal and clinical decisions. I was doing well for a few months and felt stable, happier and more connected on all levels. In the fall, I fell ill with mild issues and was given antibiotics off and on through January. After seeing a specialist for certain symptoms that I felt were unresolved/worse, I realized that my depression and anxiety gradually kicked back in during the holidays.

I started seeing my therapist again in January and we have been mixing cocktails to find the right combo. Two weeks ago, I was weened off Lamictal and started Lexapro at the same time all within a week and a half. I've been solely on the Lexapro for about a week and am increasing by half doses for the next two weeks to get me up to 20mg/daily.

I'm sleeping harder than ever, still feel anxiety even with my Klonopin, but, also feel emotionally "neutral." The tough part about my mental illness is the lines it borders/crosses with other issues in my personal and professional life. I'm unhappy about my job, which is the primary reason I still feel depressed despite no other real stresses in my life. Working 40 hours/week at a job you don't feel challenged or immersed in, is the worst possible situation for my depression. Every day I work on cognizance as the job is not bad, just boring, as well as gratefulness.

Do any of you have a tough time differentiating what issues are circumstantial versus clinical/mental or medicinal? That's been the toughest part for me as I've dealt with chronic health issues, as mentioned, in-tandem with everything else going on.

I'm hoping that the Lexapro will be the right fit for now and that I will adjust quickly so I can either feel a benefit, or, change again. I'm grateful for forums like these and for people to share their experiences, it's brave!

Please send me some thoughts or good vibes. I'm doing the best I can every day, but, I don't give myself enough credit usually.

Thanks!

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Hi Budfox,

You have described much of my life in one article. I am sure most of the other readers feel the same way. What can be so frustrating is that we don't know when it will hit. Some mornings I am fine and other mornings it is a herculean effort to get out of bed let alone shower. With me the depression is never really gone but I have periods where I have consecutively good days for months or even years. Then it returns. This time it has been for a couple of years and now I am coming out of it. When I do come out of it I feel like I have just come out of a coma. Two, Three years gone.

But, as you said, this is an illness and not a character defect. We have to play the hand that has been dealt us and I am truly thankful for these forums.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I join with everybody else in applauding this piece. It is articulate, understanding, gentle, but most of all written by someone who "gets it." Why? Because he has or is experiencing it.

There are some things in life you cannot possibly understand unless you have lived through them, and major depressive disorder and it's companion generalized anxiety disorder are two of those things.

I would like to add some ideas to the harmful advice offered by others that have been mentioned. People with good intentions, but who fail to grasp the true nature of the beast and say things like, "just get up and get moving," or " just do a little bit each day," or "go see a movie or go shopping or out to eat and you'll be fine."

We've certainly all heard those.

But for someone like me who suffers from debilitating CHRONIC depression, hearing things like, "this too shall pass," or "tomorrow will be better, this can't last forever," is just as harmful. Because for me there is no getting better. The days can be awful, gut-wrenching, excutiating, catatonic, or just plain crummy, but there is no hope for a future free from the ravages of depression. Every single day is a battle to continue this miserable existence.

Consider that knowledge, based on 40 + years of my personal experience. Mix in the fact that I have been genetically to tested to see how I metabolize certain medications and the results found that I metabolize drugs so quickly they don't have time to work in my system. Add to that my personal belief that cognitive-behavioral therapies are ridiculous. As was mentioned you can't think your way out of depression any more than you can think your way out of heart disease, diabetes or epilepsy. Then there are the more invasive forms of therapy such as ECT with its possible short term benefits but long term memory damage, trans-magnetic stimulation which appears to be a colossal failure, and on and on.

Going back to the original thesis of this posting, the best thing you can do is accept your illness and try to work within the boundaries it imposes on your life. Fighting against your depression is a form of denial and will just leave you exhausted. Accepting your limitations and then trying to live your best day as it is given to you seems like the most intelligent approach. I know there are some therapy names for this out there, things like Radical Acceptance Theory and the like. Outsiders will tell you that if you follow these ideas you are giving up, you are throwing in the towel, or that you are a quitter. They don't get it, and likely never will.

You have a biologically and/or genetically based illness. Some of you may find relief in medicinal therapies, others like me will have no help in dealing with this illness. It is up to us to adapt an attitude of acceptance and then learn to live in our worlds which have significant boundaries in terms of what we are able to do on any given day, and each day is different. We need to become the most flexible people in the world, rolling with the punches each day brings. While we can learn to do this, training the people around us to respect our boundaries and limitations is a completely different story. In many cases I have found it impossible. When those around you don't understand and keep giving you harmful advice, it is time to let them go. If at all possible get them out of your life or they will become a constant source of stress. This is a necessary evil. In order for you to function at your highest level you must rid the environment of those who do you harm.

Some people, many people will never be able to plumb the depths of understanding depression. Educate

where and when you can. But when you meet with resistance from uninformed people who don't get it, never will, and won't listen to reason, let them go and move on with your life.

Take care~Snow55

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"People with good intentions, but who fail to grasp the true nature of the beast and say things like, "just get up and get moving," or " just do a little bit each day," or "go see a movie or go shopping or out to eat and you'll be fine."

I can't say how many times I've had well meaning but harmful therapists try to get me to plan a social activity and hold me accountable for following up only to be disappointed when I don't come thru. I just don't' have any motivation for getting out since nothing sounds interesting. I have managed to start a craft that I haven't done in many months.

It felt good to read your post and remind myself not to feel guilty.

Thanks

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  • 2 weeks later...

It felt really good to read this post. So much of what you said rings true. There are so many times when I feel like I'm the only one who feels the way I do. I can't understand why I feel so bad and why I sabotage the good things in my life. I do go from having an awesome day to crying myself to sleep or picking a fight with my husband because I feel miserable. Thank you for sharing.

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  • 4 weeks later...
Accept that the depression or anxiety is there for now, stop thinking about it and learn to function as best you can even with the worst depression or anxiety that you have ever felt. And take hope in the knowledge that this will get better.

Great post. This part in particular helps me a lot.

Edited by snark42
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  • 3 weeks later...

I know im depressed.

i havent been checked since well I dont live in the US or Canada where people suddenly will know youre one.

I know because I was one a recluse (hikikomori)... if i was not in online games or reading fanfics, Im trying to look for ways to **** myself. thats over though,m why? Because I got bored ******* myself sort off. I dont midn dying now thoughm cause well I dotn have anything muc hto look for.


Logical part of me wants to be cured of soem reason.

THough I wish I was apathetic or numb ya know?


Oh and IM new here. though i seem to recall ive been here... i tend to lose some memeories after waking up from an attempt...

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  • 2 weeks later...

The best you can do is to accept your illness.

Such true words. I have had depression for most of my adult life. Yet I am only just now learning to accept it. I'm hoping this acceptance will lead to me being able to transcend it. But I guess that's like hoping you'll transcend diabetes?!

I have depression. Now I need to discover how I can best manage it.

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  • 3 weeks later...

People here understandably write such nice things about depressed people; they're so compassionate and empathetic and so forth. And I'm sure that's true. It just makes me feel like the worst depressed person around because I can be pretty snappish at others. Sometimes I kind of want to make other people feel bad (people that have made me feel bad and still do sometimes, perhaps sometimes unintentionally, but still)... I finally understand how that works, the whole take-out-your-own-issues-on-others thing. It used to be so abstract to me but now I get it. So I guess that makes me at least partly worthless?

No, people who seem to lack empathy frustrate me too, don't get me wrong. But surely only sociopaths truly lack empathy, and how many of those are there out there really? I try to believe there is good in everybody, because I want people to believe there is good in me although my shy and avoidant ways make me come off as rude/arrogant (And I am rude and arrogant but that's beside the point, that's not why I run from people). Either everybody is worthless or nobody is worthless. And what is worth anyway? (What is worth baby don't hurt me don't hurt me no more... )

Nice post, 'though. Now if somebody would call me and read it to me once a day or so.

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Thank you for posting this. Last night when I initially started browsing through here I thought maybe I was doing more harm to myself. After reading, so so so many posts, especially this one, it does help to put perspective on things. I, too, have dealt with anxiety and depression for a few years now, but it always seems to be changing. Isolation, anxiety, depression, fine the next week, circle starts all over again....GREAT post! :bow:

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Thank you for this fantastic post! I have recently found myself being very fatigued and always just wanting to just take a nap, sleep for whatever amount of time, and just let the day go by. Yet other days when I have some kind of goal or something to do that excites me, I am up and with some serious energy. I thought it was separate from depression - something I would have to monitor as another issue - but it seems that it could have a lot to do with my depression. You have given me such hope by posting this.

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Incredibly well said. i have been dealing with depression for 20 years and like yourself have good times and bad times. The fact that you can go to bed at night feeling well and wake up in the morning with all the signs of whats ahead is puzzling. I have no reason to be depressed, my life is pretty well in order - great wife, great kids, good job, no bills and still i suffer. i can go months without an episode of depression but suddenly it will return. i can not attribute it to any lifestyle change, diet change or experience - it just comes back.

after 20 years of hiding this and avoiding friends during the bad times i just recently have started letting my friends know what i am dealing with. it is unfortunate that the stigma still exists. Letting those in your close circle of friends is something i would suggest. You will be surprised at how supportive they will be - they don't understand it but they help in their own way.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Thank you! This was a very calming and inspirational post. I'm going through my second depressive episode, and feeling really low. What I hate about it most is that I thought I would be wise enough to recognize the returning symptoms early enough to react. But I wasn't able to do it and I feel awful. The rock bottom is close and I'm afraid I may lose my job because of it. I've been given a small chance to fix things, but I'm still paralyzed. I know what I need to do, but I just can't get myself moving. I just want to hide.

This post really helped me to calm myself down a bit, and gave me courage to try and continue working things out. The worst thing is that I hide my depression. It's unbelievable how strong the feeling of shame is, that I'm faulty and not worthy. Rationally thinking I know that I shouldn't think like that, but the feeling is there and doesn't just go away. My family knows that I've got the illness, but how serious is has gotten again... No, I'm not able to tell. (I feel like such a loser for allowing the depression to come back). So feeling rather alone with this. I'm so glad I found this forum.

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Hi everyone,

I basically grew up with depression and anxiety. I really didn't understand it until my late teens, I thought I was just different. It really hit hard around 18-19 when I moved to another state, leaving my family behind. I'm not the independent type, I need family to feel safe.

After a lifetime of pain it wasn't until this year.....that I found a cure for my depression and anxiety. This cure is called "The Emotion Code" and honestly I'm not here to throw it in your face as if advertising, but I'm here to honestly show you a way out of this depression and axiety. I have been depression and anxiety free for about 6 months now. Which is really a miracle for me. So please go check it out and move on from depression.

http://www.sarahshealingarts.com/

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