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I Dont Know What To Do With Myself...


bergzero

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This is long, brace yourself...

To start off, my family is pretty poor. Luckily for me and them we are staying at a guest house of someone close to my dad (but not really). I was homeschooled for 3 years before I moved back to my homestate and started going back to my school that I was at before. It is not the typical school...guys outnumber girls, there are special needs people there, not many kids there too. Well I'm 16 and go there and some of my friends hang out in a group with 2 or 3 other people. Ok, it's not really a group but they are close/associated...you get the idea. A couple of my friends think I should hang out with them. But 2 of them I get the feeling hate my guts. I tried a couple months ago to do that (not directly) but I ended up saying dumb things around these 2 people and they sort of made fun of me or looked at me weird. It got to the point where I became intimidated by the 2 of them so much that I avoided talking in front of these 2 people ever. I got a reputation for being the "quiet guy" in the class (only 10 kids BTW!, pretty staggering) not all the time were they around, so I would talk when the weren't.

But even when they weren't around I was still quiet. This led people to believe that I was at heart a quiet person. Which was false, I just didn't have anything interesting to say sometimes or I was afraid to sound like a complete *****. Being homeschooled for 3 years and not socializing much really leaved a mark in my social skills.

I also joined facebook a couple months ago. To date, I only have 19 friends. Other people that I know that started got about 20 friends in about a week or two. Now, it doesn't matter how many friends you have on facebook, I'm fine with having even under 100. But recently I thought it was laughable how during my 2 months on the site I only managed to pick up 19 friends. There might be a reason why, I didn't know anyone or hung out with people for the past 3 years before I came back to school (mainly because I couldn't afford to go out). But still it embarrases me and I feel stupid. And my top friends barely comment on my wall posts and if they do it's short and sweet. I sometimes try to chat with my friends on the site and sometimes they don't respond at all.

Then a couple months ago I met these 2 girls (sisters) on a bus. One of them had this autistic kid say to her he wanted her to sit by him. She said no and wanted to sit next to me instead, out of the blue. She then claimed I was her best friend, ever since kidnergarten. And I just met her! Then 2 weeks ago I found her facebook. I added her, she messaged me a few times confused, I explained to her who I was, and then, more of the same, she said "omg i remember you! you're my best friend!" or something like that. I view her profile occasionally and it seems like she has a real exciting life. I see her doing all kinds of stuff with her friends, going to the mountains and then the shore in a span of a week! I view her photos and see her with cute guys (like myself, not that I think I am, but some people seem to), and she also claims she's best friends with them. It's kinda confusing. Is she just battling hormones? Or is it something else? I sometimes think of talking to her and trying to get to know her just for sake of boredom since she likes me but I feel like she doesn't care about me that much. No idea!

To sum it all up, I have no life besides school. My parents fight a lot, my dad is unemployed and goes through mood swings. I barely eat because there is never really any food in the house or it's just stuff I don't like. People nag me about that at school and it annoys me. I feel like I have no real friends. I feel like I am alone all the time, and I make a fool out of myself a lot. Sometimes I am afraid to do certain things...I don't think people view me as normal sometimes even. I don't know if I will get a girlfriend in the meantime despite people sometimes thinking I am cute. I can't afford to get out and do things because like I said, my family is poor (hell they don't even have a car, my dad is an ***** and crashed it!). I would like someone really close to me in my life, like a girlfriend even or get to know people more. My future is already planned actually, but I don't know if I can accomplish it. I'm worried if I will be like this forever! Advice/feedback will be extremely appriciated. Thanks in advance.

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Hi Bergzero,

To answer your last question first, No things will not always be the same as now. You are 16 and I know this sounds cliche' but you have a long, long life ahead of you. And people who werent that popular in school or even one of the outcasts have completely different lives after they graduate. That is a fact. Once you are out of school, there is no more clicks or groups or people liking you only because you are cool or never say dumb things. You become your own person and mature and everything changes. People like you because you are a nice guy who they enjoy being with. You sound to me to be very intelligent. Just by the way your wrote your post. Right there you have something going for you! Im sorry your family is having hard times right now. With this economy many people are struggling. Being that your Dad is unemployed, it must be even harder. If you can eat breakfast at school for a reduced price that would be good, though you probably think that is the least of your problems. The most important thing is to be yourself. Dont try to be anything else, because it never works and you will feel dumber just trying. If they dont like you for you, you dont need them as a friend. Try talking to someone at lunch that you think is nice and maybe is by himself too. Sometimes we have to trudge along in life until we are old enough to be able to change things for ourselves. So what is your future you said was already planned?

Gentle Sun

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Hi and Welcome to DF bergzero

After being home schooled for so long, it will take you time to adjust to being used to being around people and socializing. Have you considered talking to a school counselor about this? They can help you with this.

As far as facebook is concerned, the friends you have on their are not a true reflection of your friends and you should not worry about how many friends you have on there, as many people do not portray themselves for who they really are on facebook.

Have you considered starting some hobbies, or joining some clubs so that you can get some more interaction with people that have the same interests with you?

Trace

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Hi Bergzero,

To answer your last question first, No things will not always be the same as now. You are 16 and I know this sounds cliche' but you have a long, long life ahead of you. And people who werent that popular in school or even one of the outcasts have completely different lives after they graduate. That is a fact. Once you are out of school, there is no more clicks or groups or people liking you only because you are cool or never say dumb things. You become your own person and mature and everything changes.

Isn't that the truth!! I couldn't get a date in HS, a few years later I was beating men off with a stick. What happened?? Not sure. Life is just weird.

Berg, find something you like to do that doesn't depend on anyone else. Read, play an instrument, ride a bike, go hiking, write stories.

And it sounds like your Dad could use a friend. He sounds depressed, plus being jobless and car-less. I am not suggesting you take him on as a project or try to fix him, but showing an interest as a fellow human being who for some reason thinks he is repulsive... I'm also interested in that future you said is planned. How about that? If you decide you can't do it, then you won't. But I suspect you can as you seem to be able to express yourself intelligently and have a clue about what matters.

God bless you Berg!!

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So far, everything has been the same. Boring and dull. Summer school is boring, and my friends are not doing it so my class is a bunch of nerds/geeks for the most part. It's at the same school I go to.

As for my dad, sometimes he gets pi**ed off about things. But for the most part, he is actually annoying. He talks a lot, and socializes with people whenever he can. I'm just pi**ed off at him. He says he will change things and try to get my family back on track, but it never really has happened.

Edited by ChrystalR
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Hi bergzero

I am sorry to hear that your Dad is not doing much to get your family back on track and that Summer school is boring.

I hope things get better soon.

Trace

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Have you tried talking to a professional??? Sometimes just talking to someone helps a ton. Are there any clubs or classes besides summer school you could join to try to meet new people?? Keep your head up..things will get better!!!

I talk to staff at school sometimes about it or some of my friends. Summer school I estimate there are only 30 people doing it....that's limited to high school only. My class is all video game loving nerds that flip out over losing board games like chess. :shocked::wwww:

Edited by bergzero
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Hello, Bergzero.

I can relate to lack of friends, and even social networking sites.

I've had my Facebook account for a year already, and have 21

friends. I only really talk to one person on there.

Most of my friends, which I lost, have been online. I've never

had a true friend in person. I have had acquaintances in the past,

but they all used me.

I'm sorry to hear about your parents fighting frequently. I cannot

begin to imagine how hard it is to see that.

And you must be a handsome young man, if a young girl felt

comfortable enough to sit next to you. Girls are usually

very evasive towards me!

Don't be afraid to talk to people. You posted a nice and

coherent paragraph here. I'm quite certain you wouldn't make

yourself look like a fool. You are obviously a very smart guy.

I also agree with everything GentleSun said.

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Yesterday I felt pretty stupid. My mind blanks out sometimes. I don't know why. Is it because I'm nervous, an ***** or just too depressed to do anything? Sometimes when I talk I stop and run out of things to say. This is my biggest problem at school when it comes to socializing and is mainly the reason why I'm so quiet.

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Hey Berg, the things you are feeling seem normal for a teenager. Lack of focus, weird dreams, loneliness, disconnected from family members... it is not that YOU are a freak or anything. You're a teenager, and I think most teenagers feel like freaks.

Be nice to the nerds and geeks, I wasn't one myself but I found that most of them accepted me the way I was without me trying to be cool or fit in. I am still in touch (on Facebook) with one of my geek/nerd friends from HS, and I graduated before you were born.

I think there are some things in your life you can try to appreciate. And, you are not your dad and are not responsible for his life. Have you found something to do by yourself?

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I may be feeling like the normal teenager, but I am certainly not living the lifestyle of a normal one. I live in a 100 year old house, don't have my own room, have to share a room with my mom and sister and sleep on a 80 something year old couch and never fall asleep until midnight and get only 5/6 hours of sleep total. I can't go to bed when I want either because of the situation my family is in, I usually have to go to bed at 9, maybe 10 if i'm lucky. I never get out of the house besides school, same goes for my sister. All my friends are doing stuff for the summer and I'm just messin around doing nothing alone.

I will never try to be nice to the nerds/geeks/losers because not only are they weird, they argue over the dumbest stuff and can act like real jerks sometimes. They flip out over losing chess games sometimes. Even in public when we go on field trips to work and stuff they sometimes act like idiots. And all the chaos makes me so frazzled I turn into this *****.

My parents are fighting as I type this.

Edited by bergzero
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Bergzero, I'm sorry that your situation is the complete opposite of ideal right now.

While you may think that your lifestyle is abnormal, keep in mind that it's only temporary. Adolescence is already an unpleasant experience as is without a stressful living situation and stressed out parents.

The only thing I can tell you is that you should try to be kinder to others, especially to your dad and to the people who aren't in your clique. I won't suggest being friends with them, but everyone has their own problems and their own coping mechanisms. If you can't be kind, then be neutral. Anger just takes up so much emotional energy.

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Bergzero, I'm sorry that your situation is the complete opposite of ideal right now.

While you may think that your lifestyle is abnormal, keep in mind that it's only temporary. Adolescence is already an unpleasant experience as is without a stressful living situation and stressed out parents.

The only thing I can tell you is that you should try to be kinder to others, especially to your dad and to the people who aren't in your clique. I won't suggest being friends with them, but everyone has their own problems and their own coping mechanisms. If you can't be kind, then be neutral. Anger just takes up so much emotional energy.

I'm not in a clique. I'm not even in that group or crowd of people even though I'm friends with some of them. And I'm not as mean as I could be to people I don't like. I've been pretty neutral.

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Nothing's really changed, 2 more weeks of summer camp. I've been sick the past four days, maybe it's all the heat that's been doing it? I get more and more nervous/anxious each week for the beginning of the new schoolyear..

But I have been thinking about girls a lot more and I'm really itching for a relationship. I've been like that since I was 12. I stopped thinking about girls for a few months after I came back to school in December because of school and me dealing with my credibility and how I will fit in with the "crowd" or whatever but now here I am thinking about girls again. It's like every summer I get even more depressed than I am because normal teenage guys get to hang out and do all kinds of stuff, hook up with girls and head down to the shore and whatever and I'm alone just chilling at home (or borrowed home I should say) doing nothing and wasting my time. But I may be taking it to the next level. I have tried a certain teen dating site to try and chat with girls. Is that wrong or not? Is it also wrong that I'm picky when it comes to girls? I would love a combination of beauty and brains. Would I ever be able to get that combination of a girl someday? Anytime soon.....? Based on what I've written on here? Would any above average looking or intelligent/smart teenage girl be willing to help a lonely and depressed guy and maybe start a relationship?

Also, the reason why I've tried teen dating sites is because all of the girls at my school are weird and annoying. And, the biggest reason: it doesn't seem likely my dad will ever get a job and get my family a house anytime soon so I might not be able to have access to do anything outside of school everyday. I have a feeling my family will be homeless forever!

Thoughts?

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my thoughts are that rarely do people ever find themselves a mature, intelligent, and beautiful bombshell girl (or gorgeous guy) who is capable of making all your sadness and depression dissappear... let alone the fact that we're talking about teenagers in highschool.

most of all the crap about highschool sweethearts that are involved in supposedly fulfilling and long-lasting relationships akin to whatever new melodramatic teenage drama show may be currently popular, is indeed largely based on fiction.

But!... aside from all that... relationships are tough work. They are stressful. They are demanding. They require trust, patience, understanding, maturity, commitment, not to mention time... time which, in my personal opinion, would be better spent on introspection. Meaning you'd be better off (in the long run) finding yourself, finding some form of treatment for that self, and figuring out what kind career and lifestyle that self would find the most enjoyable for the long-lasting and fulfilling life that that self has ahead of it. Worrying about how you're gonna embark on any romantic endeaver while you're still struggling to get both feet on the merry-go-round is usually a bad idea.

But heck. What do I know? After all, I'm here.

Godspeed friend.

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my thoughts are that rarely do people ever find themselves a mature, intelligent, and beautiful bombshell girl (or gorgeous guy) who is capable of making all your sadness and depression dissappear... let alone the fact that we're talking about teenagers in highschool.

most of all the crap about highschool sweethearts that are involved in supposedly fulfilling and long-lasting relationships akin to whatever new melodramatic teenage drama show may be currently popular, is indeed largely based on fiction.

But!... aside from all that... relationships are tough work. They are stressful. They are demanding. They require trust, patience, understanding, maturity, commitment, not to mention time... time which, in my personal opinion, would be better spent on introspection. Meaning you'd be better off (in the long run) finding yourself, finding some form of treatment for that self, and figuring out what kind career and lifestyle that self would find the most enjoyable for the long-lasting and fulfilling life that that self has ahead of it. Worrying about how you're gonna embark on any romantic endeaver while you're still struggling to get both feet on the merry-go-round is usually a bad idea.

But heck. What do I know? After all, I'm here.

Godspeed friend.

I already know what my career will be. I'm planning on going to college and becoming a meterologist or stormchaser. I just don't know if I can accomplish it or not. I might not have the money to go to college (assuming my family is screwed for life and are homeless and broke forever), I hate where I live and want to go to college in a different area (not to far away but away from where I live to a good extent), but that makes a college situation tougher in my opinion. If meterology is not for me I will be a drummer instead. That's my backup. After all, I've heard drummers get all the chicks! (that's not the reason why.)

See my other thread for more details.

Edited by bergzero
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