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My Wife Is Very Depressed... It Is Tearing Us Apart... She Needs Help But Denies Anything Is Wrong...


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my wife is very depressed... I have tried to talk with her but she doesnt care to listen...

she has always seemed down but she seems 100 times worse shortly after we had our first child(that was 8 months ago)

we did end up getting pregnant again just a few months ago... she started spotting(bleeding) on Valentines day... I researched it and decided that the baby was fine... we went to the doctor and he agreed... I assured her that the baby was fine... however our baby died, our baby was only a month or so into the pregnancy

my wife took it pretty hard and she did not want to class or anything... she just wanted to lay there and cry all day long...

she later told me in tears that she wises I had not got her hopes up about the baby...

since she and I seem to be getting worse... I minute she loves me, the next she hates me, then she wants to give our 8 month old child up for adoption, then she wants to take him to get pictures taken, then she wants a divorce, then she wants us to get a new house together cause are current house is not big enough for as many kids as we want...

she has been diagnosed with ADHD as a child, but I know that Bipolar is commonly misdiagnosed as ADHD in kids...

she wont work, she wont clean the house... she exspects me to do all of this... she can become violent if she doesnt get her way or shut me out entirely... she spends way too much time sleeping

I have asked her to get help, she refuses, says nothing is the matter with her... and for a few days she seems better, way better

I have even offered to go to couples counseling with her... she doesnt want to do that...

as her husband, is there anyway that I can get her into a program... I am worried about where this might lead

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Hi beg1984,

I'm so sorry for your loss, I know it isn't easy for you or your wife. I'm glad you posted here so that at least you can get some of this out in the open. As we are not professionals we can only offer advice, suggestions and support. A lot of women who have given birth can also suffer from postpartum depression which normally can be treated with medication and therapy. After losing your child I'm sure that she has suffered even worse depression which is something that is sounds like she truly could use some professional help. I don't think there is anyway that she can be forced into any programs unless she is a danger to herself others at this point. It sounds like you are doing all the right things in order to help her in suggesting counseling for marriage along with her depression. Her emotional state will go up and down as you have described in feeling ok one minute and then down or angry the next. She may be looking for blame to place for the loss of her child and it sounds like she has targeted you for that to which I hope that you know this is her emotional defense that is taking place. It's also important for you to take good care of yourself also. Perhaps you may want to start some counseling yourself because right now you have it all on your shoulders. In getting some counseling for yourself in order to keep things together they may also be able to help you with suggestions in getting your wife some help also. Please keep posting hon and let us know how things are going. Posting here can also be of great help for yourself so that you can get some extra support for yourself.

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I might also mention that I am diagnosed Bipolar and my wife has a family history of Schizophenia...

she has also told me that she wants a divorce so that the can start dating her ex boyfriend from over 3 years ago...

I honestly think that she does blame me for our unborn baby dying... but its no ones fault...

she also blames me for the for the scar she has from the C section...

nothing she says seems rational

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Hi beg1984, Is there any reason for her to visit her general practioner (or even the ob/gyn)? If so, go with and follow her into the exam room. Urge her to tell the doctor about some of these experiences and feelings, and if she won't then you can. I would hope that he will see that as at least depression and put her on some meds. If this can happen, the meds may help her to think more clearly and to not be darting around the map with everything. It could very well be that you're right about her being bipolar or schizophrenic. If she is bipolar, an anti-depressant will bring her mood up, it could take her to mania (so watch for that). If it's schizophrenia, the meds won't hurt and will help with the depression affect that she is exhibiting.

You might consider printing some information on postpartum depression and happen to leave it where she may run across it. This probably won't work well if it's too obvious. My thought is that she may be denying it while secretly thinking about it.

If you get therapy or see a psychiatrist maybe you could talk to them about her and have her accompany you the next time where they could talk with her.

I'm sure you already know that depression often causes thinking patterns that aren't rational.

You are a caring husband to be seeking help for her!

iowa

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Hi beg1984,

I'm sorry that this is so hard on you and causes you to worry that you and your son may lose her. Right now she really does need help, iowa has given some good suggestions that you may consider. I know that I have talked with my grandchildren doctor and teachers before so that they will know what has been going on in there life and that if they can see anyways of helping them then that would be great. A teacher or doctor may not be able to share information with you without your wife's permission but you can certainly talk to her doctor off to the side or over the phone with your concerns and she really doesn't even have to know that you had said anything, it's just one way of helping her without her trying to blame everything on you. I would say with the history of mental illness plus what you have both been through with the loss of your baby that therapy would benefit the both of you if there is a way to get her to get into see someone. It is not uncommon for the mother to blame whoever they can for the lose of a child and to then blame anything and everything wrong on the one they love. It takes a strong person to try and keep things together and that's what your trying to do for the sake of your family. I hope that your wife will get some help soon.

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I dont know... I really dont know... its so hard

I want someone to blame... I just want to rip that guys face off... who the heck does he think he is talking to my wife... she is so vulnerable right now... I dont know...

she doesnt see the doctor anymore... I lost my job... . then she lost hers shortly after that... and with that we lost our insurance...

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Hi beg1984,

Since you have both have lost your jobs and have no insurance you may be eligible for public assistance with insurance and food and possibly along with help in paying bills. You may want to check this out with your local Human Resources Department on this. There are mental health clinics that will work with you on your income basis to where you would have to pay very little or no fees at all in getting some counseling. Are you and or your wife able to collect any unemployment benefits at this time? Keep posting hon, we are still here for you.

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it took a turn for the worse

my wife is in jail... she kicked to Police officers

I got scared and took the baby, I miss her... I am hoping the the courts will order her to get help for the depression...

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it was so hard to drive off with my son, it was so hard to see them cuff her,,, it was so hard everything sucks so bad right now

my son is staying over at my mother in laws house... it seemed like the best thing since this is not something my sone should have to deal(he is only 8 months old)

last night I felts so alone, I slept with some of my wife's and sons clothing... I just miss everyone

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I'm so sorry beg1984, I know your hurting so much right now. I think you did a good thing as to letting your son stay with your mother in law for now. I know you miss your wife and son but now is the time that you can also take care of you. Hopefully this will be somewhat of a wake up call for your wife and hopefully the courts will order her into getting some help for herself. If I may ask, how did the cops get involved? Of course you don't have to answer this I was just wondering if something happened as to if she had an out burst that caused the cops to get involved to where they will be able to see that she does need help, also you may be able to speak in court depending on the situation as to your concerns about your wife health and well being.

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well I just found out that Child protection services is coming to my house to do a Home Study at 10am in the morning,,, my house is a mess... I have to get it fixed by then...

the lady told me they could not take my son since he is over state lines, but they can tell me that he can not come home until then

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my wife is also still in jail, they dont have visitation over the weekend, I cant afford to get her out... the bail bondsmen says we live too far away... so i have to come up with $1000 cash to get her out

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(((((((beg1984))))))))

I'm so sorry to hear this. You have enough on your plate to deal with. I hope that things go well with the visit from child protection services. Do keep posting and let us know how things go on that for you. I don't wish for your wife to stay in jail hon and please don't take this the wrong way but maybe this will help her with a wake up call and give her time to think about things so that she can begin to better her situation. I realize this isn't what you may want to hear but maybe this is what it will take in order for her to get some real help. Do keep posting hon. We are still here for you.

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I guess all I can do is pray at this point...

my house took about 3 hours to clean with 2 friends helping me

its weird how you can still smell your spouse next to you when you are in bed...

at least I started eating properly again today

Edited by beg1984
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You love your wife. I understand.

Perhaps she needs to sit in jail for a period of time. Allow the penal system to testify to her erratic behavior when she goes to court. This could be exactly the intervention that is required to get her tested for an emotional or behavioral disorder.

She wont do it for you no matter how much you ask. To be ordered by the courts to do so wont give her a choice.

This is a dark rtime for you my friend. But I am a firm believer in the concept of "all things happen for a reason" Her jailtime is a blessing in disguise to get her the help she (and your relationship) need.

I don't know if this is possible, but maybe contact the district attorney handling her case. Tell him your fears of her depression. The DA may be able to put the reco to the judge that part of her penance (aside from jail time) is to be tested and treated for behavioral/emotional disorders.

Until then you need to prioritize. You only have so much energy to give. Trying to fix everything is destroying you. In my opinion, I think you need to focus on your son and yourself right now. he needs your love and support. You also need to get back on your feet financially. You can't help your wife anymore right now under your current situation.

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I guess all I can do is pray at this point...

my house took about 3 hours to clean with 2 friends helping me

its weird how you can still smell your spouse next to you when you are in bed...

at least I started eating properly again today

I'm glad that you had a few friends to help you get the cleaning up done today, I know it makes things easier to have someone who is willing to help out. It's really surprising when missing someone how our other senses kick in in picking up on smells, and hearing certain things that remind you of your wife, this is normal. I'm glad that you were able to eat properly as this will help you in feeling better just has having your house cleaned up will help you see things in a better way. Now it's time for you to care for yourself and your son. How did things go with the child protective service? I do hope things went well and that you can begin to work on getting your life back together, I know it won't be easy but it is a start. Your doing all you can right now and heading in the right direction. Keep posting, we are still here for you.

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Guest bravetwilight

The most important thing at this very moment is your child, your son. Whatever you have to do to secure your son's safety and well being is what you need to focus on. Everything should fall into place once you grasp this. Take care of your emotional health and your son's by doing whatever it takes to balance your home environment into a rational and happy place to raise a child. Tough love may be necessary but when a child is involved then tough love is often necessary. Two mentally ill adults living together is potentially damaging to a child and can imprint ill behaviors and ill patterns of thinking on a child. You have to step up to the plate and be the hero because you are the only one who can see what is really going on. Your wife is in heavy denial and has awful anger issues. Ask yourself, is this good for my son? Your wife's emotional state may be infilitrating your own illness and taking you down the depression road of becoming dysfunctional, I don't know. What I do know is that you have to do what is best for your son right now. Get him in a place that is safe and balanced so you and your wife together or separately can work on healing this explosive relationship. Being in jail might just be what is needed as intervention for your wife, if not, then you should consider admitting her to a hospital before she imprints any more of her destructive behavior on your son's young mind. Believe me when I say that your son is watching both of you from an emotional perspective and he is thinking that it is all his fault. Children do that when two parents are in turmoil.

Hard situation you're in, but it all boils down to taking care of your son and making your own life more balanced. I wish relief and harmony to be restored in your life sooner rather than later and I send you the strength and confidence it will take to make the changes this requires. :shocked:

peaceful blessings to you soonly,

bravetwilight

Edited by bravetwilight
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my son is safe, I am stable... and my wife should be getting out of jail tonight... she wants to work on this, she wants to go to counseling... just hearing her say that with out it sounding like she is just saying what I wanted to hear was such a breath of fresh air...

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That's good news beg. I'm glad your son is safe, is he still with your mother in law for now. I'm glad that your feeling stable. I know it must be such a relief to hear that your wife is getting out of jail and that she is willing to get help. I hope that she will stick to that plan and that your family can begin to heal. Keep us posted on how you are all doing and I wish you all the best.

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when it rains it pours... last night my car broke down... thank God we have 2 cars... the weird thing is usually I would be freaking out right now... but I am calm, cool and collected. I have just come to the conclusion that their is very little I can do about this and that I am just along for the ride...

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I'm sorry about your car breaking down, I know how that goes. I think you are doing great in staying calm and cool. Your conclusion is right and there are things we have no control over so getting upset would only make you feel worse. You have done well my friend.

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so I just found out that the Child protective services woman wants to see my son, he is with my mother in law right now... my mother in law is meeting with the CPS lady in the morning at 10am... I have a bad feeling about this... why did the CPS lady not inform me of this? I know she says she only want s to make sure my son is ok but in the back of my mind I keep thinking she is going to try to take him from me

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