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calynn

Any Ideas How To "hide" Your Depression?

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One thing I've been glad about is that the 3 networks seem to be showing a lot of depression public service announcements (depression is an illness, etc. etc.) I'm hoping that people will finally get it into their heads that we're not defective or weak. (And maybe we can finally believe it too!)

I'm in grad school, and I haven't seen anyone there in a year because of the depression. I'll be going back soon, and I really don't know what to tell people. I've been ill? I had a nervous breakdown? It's depression and anxiety? Argh.

Jayne, I don't have kids, but for what it's worth, you may want to talk to them. One of my friends suffered from severe depression and her mother kept telling her she didn't have it and she was fine. Later, she found out that her mom had actually suffered from depression as well but had hid it from her. My friend kept saying, if they'd talked, she might have been able to deal with it better when she developed depression. And she would have known why sometimes her mom acted weird or didn't seem to be there.

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One thing I've been glad about is that the 3 networks seem to be showing a lot of depression public service announcements (depression is an illness, etc. etc.) I'm hoping that people will finally get it into their heads that we're not defective or weak. (And maybe we can finally believe it too!)

I'm in grad school, and I haven't seen anyone there in a year because of the depression. I'll be going back soon, and I really don't know what to tell people. I've been ill? I had a nervous breakdown? It's depression and anxiety? Argh.

Jayne, I don't have kids, but for what it's worth, you may want to talk to them. One of my friends suffered from severe depression and her mother kept telling her she didn't have it and she was fine. Later, she found out that her mom had actually suffered from depression as well but had hid it from her. My friend kept saying, if they'd talked, she might have been able to deal with it better when she developed depression. And she would have known why sometimes her mom acted weird or didn't seem to be there.

Jayne and Tamsynx - this is a great point, in fact my daughter (now 27) was diagnosed with depression a couple of years ago and it really was good that we could talk about it and she understood how important it was to get help. She's doing great now. Sometimes I think it helps to talk to the kids so they know it's not their fault - or yours. You ARE a good mom!! :shocked: Good luck !!

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Callyn,

I personally haven't ever been able to hide my depression from people I live with. Outsiders, yes, sometimes. By psyching myself up. For example, a friend's wedding, I had to psych myself up a week in advance. A friend's grad party, same thing. But when it gets really bad, then nothing will happen. Guests come over to my house, but I don't leave my room. I don't eat dinner with them. And I hear about it later on from my mother's sister when we have a fight.

My mother has been most understanding, considering. Except when she gets angry (which is a lot) and tells me stuff like "you just don't want to work "you don't want to get better"

Today, I'm feeling what "normal" must feel like. So when I smiled at her, or made a joke, it was for real. When I danced a little, it felt good. I'm fed up of the bad attacking me again and again and again, though. I dread it's reappearance, I've had a miserable three months.

I know it's hard, but maybe if you stop trying to find validation from her. As in, think along these lines, her reaction to your disease has nothing to do with you. It's her stuff, her opinion is just that. Even when you fake it, if she's going to pick on you, she'll find something else. Especially as she's going through her own tragedy in her divorce.

And I'm sure there must be days when you don't feel so bad and can function at a better level.

silver lining: keep posting online. We DO empathise. I've been told I'm an attention seeker. The depression makes it more likely we agree with other people's bad opinions of us. We're in so much self doubt that we can't tell whether it's truly us or the disease. We have very black and white thinking. I know. You're not seeking attention, you just want it to go AWAY. After all, there are better ways of getting attention and positive attention.

General note: there must be at least one person you can talk to who can empathise. I never thought I'd find them: in the past year I've found three people, one person I never thought would care. There must be hope. There must be!

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I'm a "hider" myself. I'll usually attribute anything that seems obvious to people to being run down, or having a virus, or it being the anniversary of something bad that happened. I go back and forth with myself as to the wisdom of that in different situations, but it's what I do. Depression's a tough gig, however you shake it up.

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When I was younger I could not hide it. The feelings were so strong I could not control them, I was like dynomite ! :shocked: At work I managed sort of well, but at lunch time I would go into a lunch room and have a crying fit. Man, I was in bad shape back then... before medication. But now that I've got more years behind me, and I am consistent with medication, I find I can hide it better, and I do. I am conscious though that I need people in my life with whom I can let it all hang out (even if it's a therapist) or else the negative energy within me start building up like a volcano, and you don't want to be there when it blows :sneaky2: .. good god, I don't even want to be there!

Soooo, now I know I have to let out the anxiety regularly, and I can do it in small doses if I do it regularly enough. Now I also try to spread it around, a little here and little there, and that way I don't have to overwhelm anyone. With some people I just don't do it all because they don't have that kind of emotional makeup, they just can't relate and it's like we are from different planets. Sort of that MBTI thing (Myers-Briggs Personality test) where we can see that people who have very different personality types are not compatible in their approach to things. I tend to be choosy about who I will say what to, but in order to deepen a relationship I will try to divulge a little more and see what happens. I don't throw it all out there anymore, it's too overwhelming to others.... I've actually made some good friends in the process, people who had spouses who suffered from depression, or a kid. I give them some insight and we all get to know each other at a deeper, more personal level....

Love this thread, it has put some things in perspective for me, and I realize that in fact I am not 'hiding' the depression, but rather that I am being judicious about who I discuss it with since I do live in the real world with real people who have a long way to go to be perfect for me .... :wwww:

Thanks for bringing this up!

Edited by Symora

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Hey guys,

sorry for replying in this old thread but I just found it on google and it is exactly what I am looking for. Maybe some people can get me some advise.

I'm suffering from depressions for 3 1/2 years now, I don't have any friends anymore and I don't do anything. Recently I got fired and I don't know what to do next. I would like to find new friends but I don't know how. I'm in a "school" where I shall find a new job and there are some people I like and we're "friends". Having my bday soon made me realize again how lonely I am. I'm really depressed again and I can't talk with them anymore ... I can't laugh about anything I just want to go home and be alone. I have problems hiding my depression from them and one of my friends has a clue that I'm in a bad mood since yesterday. I have no idea how to fake it. I try to laugh about things they are saying but usually I start laughing too late because first I don't think it's funny, then I reaize I should be laughing and well... then it's just awkward. I know if I can't find a way to hide my depression soon they'll be annoyed by me and don't want to talk to me anymore ...

My real problem is that although I like those people I can't do anything with them in my spare time because I don't know how to hide that I have no friends and well don't know. When I get asked "what did you do on the weekend?" I usually reply "I did nothing" ... and when I get invited to go partying I also can't come with them because they would figure out I have no friends ... Anybody in the same situation?

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I've been depressed for several years now - more since I lost my job earlier this year. It was almost bearable when I was living alone, knowing that I could hide it from people. A few months ago, my Mom moved in with me (she's getting divorced) and it's been awful for me ever since. I'm more depressed now because I have to put on a happy face (or try to) when my Mom is around (which is most of the time). When I'm feeling really low, I just tell her I'm tired or don't feel well and go to my room to sleep. My Mom isn't understanding at all (about depression). She constantly puts down our relatives that are depressed, so I can't tell her (even though I'm sure she may have an idea) how bad my depression really is. I think she thinks I'm just lazy because I haven't found a new job yet - I haven't even been able to look due to the depression and low self image I have now.

Any ideas? I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up - the constant struggle to put on a happy face and the anxiety I have that I will be "found out" by her and the consequences that will come with that.

Thanks for listening and I appreciate any feedback/comments/help/suggestions anyone has.

c

I used to be a real pro at hiding my depression but now I don't have to since it is out in the open. If someone in my life doesn't approve of it, they can take a hike. I am sorry that your Mom doesn't have an open mind about depression. Maybe in time she will understand like my Mom did. When I first told my parents they wanted me to just suck it up and keep on keeping on. I tried for years to hide it but it only made things worse and now I am disabled.

I sincerely hope things get better for you.

JF

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I feel the exact same way as most of the people here. I'd been living by myself until April when I decided to go half with my sister for an apartment. She has 2 kids and my mom is here mon-fri watching the baby. I was fine, but when my depression came back a couple months ago, it's been unbearable living here. I can't wait for the lease to expire so i can move out and live by myself. I feel like i have to put on a "happy face" as well or else they might "find out." I think my sis already knows there's something up, but my mom just doesn't get it.

I have times where i just cant deal with people so i stay in my room a lot. then when i do come out, she always has to make some comment like, "Oh so you finally decided to to leave your cave, your dungeon." This really hurts because it takes a lot for me to be social, and hearing something like that when i am finally able to leave my room is not supportive at all.

It also sucks when they sound like they are in a good mood and i'm feeling like crap. it's like a slap in the face. then when i come out, they all crowd around me and want to talk. they eventually get the idea when i show no interest in their conversations. argh 6 months left.

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Hey guys,

sorry for replying in this old thread but I just found it on google and it is exactly what I am looking for. Maybe some people can get me some advise.

I'm suffering from depressions for 3 1/2 years now, I don't have any friends anymore and I don't do anything. Recently I got fired and I don't know what to do next. I would like to find new friends but I don't know how. I'm in a "school" where I shall find a new job and there are some people I like and we're "friends". Having my bday soon made me realize again how lonely I am. I'm really depressed again and I can't talk with them anymore ... I can't laugh about anything I just want to go home and be alone. I have problems hiding my depression from them and one of my friends has a clue that I'm in a bad mood since yesterday. I have no idea how to fake it. I try to laugh about things they are saying but usually I start laughing too late because first I don't think it's funny, then I reaize I should be laughing and well... then it's just awkward. I know if I can't find a way to hide my depression soon they'll be annoyed by me and don't want to talk to me anymore ...

My real problem is that although I like those people I can't do anything with them in my spare time because I don't know how to hide that I have no friends and well don't know. When I get asked "what did you do on the weekend?" I usually reply "I did nothing" ... and when I get invited to go partying I also can't come with them because they would figure out I have no friends ... Anybody in the same situation?

I can understand where you are coming from with this post. I only have a few friends, but recently, I have not hung out with them since my depression has gotten really bad. the last time i was out with one group, it was really weird. we were recording his music video, and afterward they wanted to drink, but i didn't want to cuz i quit since i'm on anti depressants. Me and my cousin are well known for alcoholism so it must have been a shock for me to say i'm not drinking. this led to a very awkward silence.

then i was out with some biker people at one of their meets and it was really weird. i was not "in it" like i used to be. it was weird and i felt extremely out of place, like i didn't belong there.

im taking an english class now in college, and the teacher went around the room asking people what they did this weekend. i didn't do s*** except stay home and study. i did nothing that required leaving the house, so when i got to me, i just made something up.

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Hi Blue-Envy

Depression is something not always easily to mask. For me it depends on the severity of the depression. In its mild form, I'm good at hiding it. I'm able to focus a little more on my surroundings instead of my feelings. I can have a conversation and even function and no one knows it and then I get in my car and start crying, lol. When the depression is severe I stay at home and isolate because I can't hide it. That's my experience with camouflaging my feelings. I guess we all have to find ways to cope without falling apart in front of others. I would suggest to read and draw insight from some of the resources presented on this site. There are some good tips for coping. I wish you well in finding good friends. Be encourage. I believe it gets better.

Lindahurt

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It is amazing how well we all are at masking our depression. There is such a stigma connected to it, it only adds to the sadness and lonliness of the disease. Just this week I had to tell clients I had the flu because I was so sad it made me sick for 3 days. I cannot talk to people about my financial issues because I owe money due to medical bills from a mental stay. I've often said "I wish I just had cancer..." How awful to say-but the support that would rally around us if we had a disease that had a pink ribbon designed for it. How great if people made donations to help us pay for therapists not covered by insurance.

There is no way to hide it from ourselves. And sadly, the only way to hide it from others is to keep a safe distance. Causing more loneliness. Something has to change.

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OMG this strikes a nerve with me so much.

I never want to tell anyone about how terrible I'm really feeling. I try to hide it most of the time. But as it's gotten worse it's become harder and harder to hide. My experience is telling people hasn't always been helpful. When I finally did/do take the risk to tell someone I've not got the best results. My dad doesn't get it at all and actually treats me worse because of it, thinks I should somehow be able to just get over it etc. One friend just stopped talking to me!!! One I sent an email to didnt respond to it at all for a couple weeks. It just makes me want to ball up and cry my eyes out because it's so HARD for me to talk about it to anyone else....and all I really want is someone to just listen. But I get the impression from others that they think I'm seeking attention or just choosing to be like this, since this is not my first episose but by far the worst. And it's like no......I'm not making this up or being lazy or just looking at the negative, I'm actually sick! But people don't get it. Either that or they don't know what to say or do so they avoid you all together. It hurts sooo much. The worst feeling of all is feeling all alone with it!!!

Edited by Babyblue_eyes

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