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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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So, im back. I mentioned having the opportunity to purchase some art by my CO, but it's likely sold out now and i was thinking it might not be in my best interest to have that in the house, or how would i even purchase it without it being obvious. It's not on Amazon or anywhere i typically shop so i didn't get it. God! I really want some momento though. Like art like that so that it's not just my awful memories, the awful thoughts in my head. But i think the time has passed. I checked the Twitter page tonight and it was a few days or weeks since last call. I'm kinda bummed...I mean, I could do it. I'm looking at it now...sigh but it"s too much work, too risky. I was already getting depressed today. This is very sad. 

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Hi @BlueStarr Thank you so much, I’m always happy to help you so I will send you a pm. 😘

Hi @anxiousE I’m sorry to hear you are struggling, I feel your pain. I’m here for you if you would like to talk. Just know that your not alone, we will all help you in any way we can. 

Hi @nikki114 I’m sorry your also struggling. I definitely have experienced anxiety with my COs and without them. Anxiety is swept under the carpet by so many people and we are told to just get on with things. It’s such a hard thing to overcome. Take one small step at a time and don’t force yourself to do something you are uncomfortable with. Your not alone, if you want to talk we’re here for you. 

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I wish I'm obsessed with a celebrity. It's so much better to be obsessed with a fictional person like a celebrity rather than be obsessed with a real person. At least you will have less chances of getting your heart broken by the celebrity.

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52 minutes ago, raiindrop said:

I wish I'm obsessed with a celebrity. It's so much better to be obsessed with a fictional person like a celebrity rather than be obsessed with a real person. At least you will have less chances of getting your heart broken by the celebrity.

Girl, read over the thread. 

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1 hour ago, decado said:

Hi @nikki114 I’m sorry your also struggling. I definitely have experienced anxiety with my COs and without them. Anxiety is swept under the carpet by so many people and we are told to just get on with things. It’s such a hard thing to overcome. Take one small step at a time and don’t force yourself to do something you are uncomfortable with. Your not alone, if you want to talk we’re here for you. 

 

I know, right?  Everyone tells me, "Get over it, Put on your big girl pants."  It's not like I choose to feel this way. 

 

 

 

But thank you, people, for the kind words.

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10 hours ago, nikki114 said:

I know, right?  Everyone tells me, "Get over it, Put on your big girl pants."  It's not like I choose to feel this way. 

 

 

 

But thank you, people, for the kind words.

Exactly! That’s the worse thing you can say to someone with anxiety. I find everyone is in such a rush nowadays. They don’t have time for each other. It’s what brings so many of us here we feel so alone.

You have to deal with your anxiety in the best way you can that works for you. Do you find your CO helps to calm your anxiety or makes it worse? I find they help in situations where it doesn’t involve them, like driving or my social anxiety. But I’m situations like social media or events involving them, it’s so much worse. DM me anytime. 

Hope you feel better. 

 

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31 minutes ago, decado said:

Exactly! That’s the worse thing you can say to someone with anxiety. I find everyone is in such a rush nowadays. They don’t have time for each other. It’s what brings so many of us here we feel so alone.

You have to deal with your anxiety in the best way you can that works for you. Do you find your CO helps to calm your anxiety or makes it worse? I find they help in situations where it doesn’t involve them, like driving or my social anxiety. But I’m situations like social media or events involving them, it’s so much worse. DM me anytime. 

Hope you feel better. 

 

Only when he's with his partner and their kids. It seems like I can handle him by himself or with his ex or something.  Not when he's with....her.

Edited by nikki114
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6 minutes ago, nikki114 said:

Only when he's not with his partner and their kids.  Otherwise, he's okay.

I wish the best for you, anxiety is not easy. I’m glad your CO doesn’t cause you too much stress. 

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On 4/6/2018 at 2:02 PM, raiindrop said:

I wish I'm obsessed with a celebrity. It's so much better to be obsessed with a fictional person like a celebrity rather than be obsessed with a real person. At least you will have less chances of getting your heart broken by the celebrity.

Personally, I agree with this! I just recently started to dip my toes into online dating again. I've met three guys within the last week and I was sort of excited about one of them, but now I'm thinking that he probably won't contact me again although he said he would. For me, having a celebrity obsession is far less disappointing.

I am excited to say that my current CO is older than me! I went from a 22 year old to a 44 year old. lol

Edited by HopelessRomantic2011
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8 hours ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Personally, I agree with this! I just recently started to dip my toes into online dating again. I've met three guys within the last week and I was sort of excited about one of them, but now I'm thinking that he probably won't contact me again although he said he would. For me, having a celebrity obsession is far less disappointing.

I am excited to say that my current CO is older than me! I went from a 22 year old to a 44 year old. lol

I just got through a rough obsession with someone I know personally and it sucked sooo bad because I thought he liked me and then BAM I overhear him talking about a girl he’s really into and now they’re going out. So I totally agree. It’s worse to have an obsession with someone in your real life in my opinion. But good for you for trying dating right now. You never know what may come of that. My best friend’s sister got married today and they met on a dating app lol. 

My CO is a 70s pop rock idol..yeah I’ve really done it to myself this time, cause I’m in my 20s with friends who are in their 20s.. yet I relate to my parents’ generation more than mine right now. It’s been 3 or 4 weeks now and I feel like I live a double life lol I’m sure some of you know what I’m talking about. It can get isolating, especially in this situation. I retreat further and further into researching him on YouTube and Pinterest when I can’t talk to others about it and I feel like an addict. But I want to associate him with positivity in my life so I’m trying my hardest not to let this impede my productivity. It can be so hard though. 

@Decado Yep in my case right now my CO is helping my social anxiety especially when I can escape into his songs and when I’m driving or working. But I agree it can go either way. Usually if it’s someone in my real life it causes stress beyond belief. Is that kind of how you feel? 

(PS I’m new here and love how understanding and non-judgmental you all are to each other. It made me feel safe to talk about this because I tend to feel weird about talking about it)

Edited by Liesel
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@Liesel,

Welcome to the forum. :smile:

I've always related to the older generations too. In fact, I often relate even further back than the 1970s! Most of my COs have been older gentlemen. When I was in my 20s, I generally liked older men in their 40s, (and even older). Fortunately, since I am getting older, I am starting to catch up! :laugh:

Edited by BlueStarr
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Thank you @BlueStarr!

Oh whew that’s good to know I’m not alone :) I’ve always been that way too. Even when I was 13 my CO was an actor in his 40s lol. I also just find older eras so fascinating and exciting to learn about how things were different and also the same back then as they are now.

 But man how I’m desperate for a time machine right about now. Never thought I’d envy my mom so much and how she got to witness his height of stardom. But it kills me she never went to his concerts since she wasn’t that big of a fan. I’m having to live through old videos and vinyl records. This ain’t an easy CO to have..

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Hi everyone, hope your all doing ok!

Hi @HopelessRomantic2011 Just wanted to say good luck with your dating and hope all is going well with your new CO. ☺️

Hi @Liesel Welcome to the forum! Your certainly not alone here, we are all on our CO journeys. I can relate to you so much. I gave up on real life crushes a long time ago because of the rejection and heart ache that came with it. While there is much heartache with a CO, you literally have no control over it, so in a way you can feel better that little bit sooner. I relate to the feeling of wanting to retreat on YouTube and Pinterest. Since my New CO starting in January, that’s all I’ve wanted to do. I’ve limited myself to two videos of him a day. Which does help, but then it’s always niggling at me to watch more or find new pictures. You are right it’s like an addiction. 

Its great that you are trying to find the positives in having a CO. This can be a great help in getting your life where you want it to be. I’m possibly doing a M&G with my CO in 60 days. I want to look my best, so I’ve rejoined my running group and watching what I eat. I need something positive to come out of this.

I use my COs as a distraction from everyday life, work, kids and everything else. Is this how you feel? Make sure you keep going and meeting with your friends as much as possible though, try not to become too withdrawn. Believe me I know how hard to is. Your friends can support you in other ways without them needing to know about your CO. 

Good luck and if you ever want to talk via dm your more than welcome. Everyone is so lovely here so you will get lots of support xx 😘 

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Thanks @Liesel and @decado! Liesel, I’m sorry to hear about the guy you liked. :( I actually did end up hearing from the guy I like and we hung out today, so sure I’m happy at the moment but you never know how these things are going to go. Guys can act like they like you one minute and then the next minute, you don’t hear anything from them! So I definitely take comfort in my COs. My new CO is married with children, but there’s no jealousy on my part whatsoever. I can accept that he’s taken and I don’t think we’re meant to be together. I just enjoy his work. He’s a very talented actor.

@decado I hope the meet and greet goes well. That’s exciting! 😄

 

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Thanks @decado, That’s a really admirable idea to limit yourself to two videos a day. I’m still in that “new phase” of my CO where everything he does is gold and I just want to look his beautiful self up all the time lol. However, I’ve done this enough to know there are limits to how much I want to find. If I dig too deep, I know there’s stuff I won’t want to read or see and that’s actually kept me from searching him more. I’m kind of in a good place just choosing to enjoy his music and watch his tv show. I have to seriously limit my spending on his merch though..that’s been my latest outlet. 

Oh my goodness! Enjoy your M&G and maybe prepare what you’re going to say beforehand even if it’s just one line you remember, unless you have no trouble with that. I met my all time biggest CO 12 years ago and I wasted my breath on saying stupid things to him lol. That’s good it’s motivating you to get healthier though. That’s definitely a benefit to a CO.

Yeah I have to agree with you. My CO distracts me from things in my life I don’t want to think about which in some cases isn’t a bad thing at all. It’s making me not think about the guy I liked that I have to see all the time. But I have to work on staying focused on work and family and not my CO. You’re absolutely right. I don’t want it ever to cause me to become too reclusive. I’m naturally very introverted so even without a CO, I have to fight with myself to get out of my comfort zone. I did see friends today and later this week we’ll be hanging out so I felt pretty good about that. It’s when I’m home that it’s the hardest to complete tasks without distraction. And thanks for that offer. I extend the same to you if you ever want to DM me :) I really hope the M&G goes well!

@HopelessRomantic2011That’s great you hung out with him! I know how good that can feel to get to that point. I think it’s important to not let your expectations go too high like you already said, but don’t lose hope before it’s begun. Ugh tell me about it. Those kind of mixed signals have made me become way more cautious not to jump to conclusions. And that’s a great mindset to be in with your CO :) I hope it continues that way for you. 

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 Hi @Liesel Thank you so much for your kind words! 
It’s been so hard to limit myself, I constantly want to watch videos of him. This one started on the 12th January and hit me so hard. 
It’s been such a struggle because I feel just like you and want to look him up all day. I understand about the merch too, I’ve brought albums and tshirts. These things aren’t cheap either are they? 😂

I’m so happy that your in a good place with your CO, I truly hope it continues. I think your doing it right, not searching to much. I came across a photo of my CO this morning on IG. He was with two stunning women. Perfect start to the day! I’m going to try your approach, to just try and enjoy his music and YouTube interviews. 

Thanks for the tips on M&Gs I’m so anxious and nervous about the whole thing. I bet you were still lovely when you met your CO, I’m sure you have no reason to worry. Were you super nervous too? 
The festival (where the M&G is) released the day splits this morning. My CO will be playing on the Sunday. Which is brilliant because I feel I can now go, watch my boys A7X and GNR, without the worry of him being there. The Sunday has only two bands besides his I wouldn’t mind seeing. So I will be able to focus on the M&G and what to say. Any advice would be great received! I’m just super pleased it won’t ruin the whole festival. 

I’m super happy you are still going out with your pals. You can come home and enjoy your CO a little more, kinda like a little reward. I understand completely about being introverted, I’m the same. I think you are being very sensible with your CO  journey! 

Thank you again for your support. Xx 

Hi @HopelessRomantic2011 Congratulations on your met up, I wish you the best of luck! I’ll keep you posted on the M&G xx

 

 

 

 

Edited by decado
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Today I did something very difficult.  I deleted his song that I loved Hello My Beloved by Radnor and Lee off of my itunes and threw away the cds that I had made with it on them.  It was so hard.  Hopefully last time I will hear it will be today.  I love that song so much.  I was able to successfully not look at pictures of him or google him for lent except when I accidentally saw him on television for an interview for a talk show.  Other than that, I avoided him.  I  miss him so much and it's so stupid because I shouldn't care so much about someone who made me so mentally ill.  It's like we knew each other but we never did.  I found a few songs that have helped me get over him.  Maybe they'll help you with your COs.  1.) I Hope You're Happy by Blue October, 2.) What About Us Pink, 3.) Stronger Kelly Clarkson, 4.) Over You Daughtry, and 5.) You Can Go Your Own Way Fleetwood Mac.

Take care everyone and if you want to send me a message on here of support or encouragement I'd really appreciate it.

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I haven't posted in a while - since my first post, actually - because I thought I was handling things well. I made a decision to stop following my CO on social media, to stop watching his old videos and reading his old columns and stories.  I did well for a while, and I thought I was moving on. Then, a couple of weeks ago, I caved and checked his twitter and it was just a landslide from there. He fills my mind completely. I worry that I'm actually going crazy. I know that I will never meet him, that none of the things that I imagine will ever come true, but I can't help but dwell on these fantasies constantly. I've watched all of his old sketches at least ten times. I can just stare at his face for hours. 

I have a new therapist but I haven't reached a place where I feel comfortable telling her any of this. So I'm spilling my guts to you all, because I know you're the only ones who can understand.

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4 hours ago, nosleep said:

I haven't posted in a while - since my first post, actually - because I thought I was handling things well. I made a decision to stop following my CO on social media, to stop watching his old videos and reading his old columns and stories.  I did well for a while, and I thought I was moving on. Then, a couple of weeks ago, I caved and checked his twitter and it was just a landslide from there. He fills my mind completely. I worry that I'm actually going crazy. I know that I will never meet him, that none of the things that I imagine will ever come true, but I can't help but dwell on these fantasies constantly. I've watched all of his old sketches at least ten times. I can just stare at his face for hours. 

I have a new therapist but I haven't reached a place where I feel comfortable telling her any of this. So I'm spilling my guts to you all, because I know you're the only ones who can understand.

Hi,

You did the right thing by sharing this with us. At least, it's one of the way that you can unburden yourself. Don't worry and don't blame yourself. We all sure do fall back to our old habit from time to time. As per what my good friend told me, what's important is how you move on from there. Appreciate every small steps and effort that you've made. 

I face the same thing. I stopped following my CO but I watch his old videos and daydreaming again when I miss him. It's a never ending struggle. If you could talk about this with your therapist, it will be so good for you. 

Cheers

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11 hours ago, nikki114 said:

It seems that our relationships with 'celebrities' are the ultimate one-sided relationship. 

Hi Nikki,

It's actually the truth! But, we have to learn from it. Learn to move on and appreciate the CO for whoever and whatever it is. We are here for you. 

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