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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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Honey,

I got your message in my email.  It's so personal but I will just say this.  I am not in love with Josh...I'm in love with the way he writes and sings.  Everyone I have talked to is like you don't know the real him.  What if you met him and were really disappointed?  My parents don't approve of my feelings for him so I will never be able to speak to him in front of them.  Only way I'll ever meet him is if I publish my book and he reads it.  If I was alone and I saw him, I might have to say something but I don't think I would have the courage.  When I think about him now I feel physically and mentally unstable.  I know I'm not his type and he would break my heart.  But just so many things we have in common, if he's really who he says he is.  My therapist says I am in love with the kindness qualities of him but he might be boring, arrogant, etc.  I guess she's right but I haven't been in a healthy good relationship for a very long time and I'm lonely.  It's easier to fantasize about someone than to actually do something.  I don't know if I'll ever get married because I'm really vunerable.  I have more than one mental illness that I live with.  I would rather be single for the rest of my life than get my heart ripped out or get beat up by some jerk.  I have had so many guys mess me up mentally that I don't find it easy to talk to men at all.  My brother is my best friend and I have other guy friends but they're all married and kinda like big brother types.  I liked this one guy for a really long time.  I've known him since I was 12 but I finally got over him a few years ago.  I had a dream one that Josh said he liked me but he (the other guy) was my soul mate.  My feelings for Josh get worse when I get sick.  I used to have really nice dreams about him but now I have nightmares so I don't really want to meet him.  I just love the way he writes and his positive attitude and kindness to others and compassion and intelligence and he says he gave up drinking and he is from Ohio (I'm originally from WV).  He is anti pornography and so am I.  What has helped me lately is thinking of my friend who is his age when I think of him.  I try to thought stop and think of my friend or occupy myself with something new.  I am trying to become the person I think he is.  I try new things and exercise and volunteer to distract myself.  Today I tried a yoga class for the first time and I listened to his song before I went in.  He has a new show coming in March but I'll never watch it because I had nightmares the last time I saw him in something on t.v.

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Hey everyone! It's been a really long time since I've posted on here and a lot has changed. The biggest one being that I finally got over the CO I had at the time. I'm one who has had multiple COs and this last one is one I'm really happy to be over since I discovered some things about him that made me not like him, but it still took me a while to get over him. I was without a CO for a few months and that was nice. 

That is also no longer the case. I have a new one and this one is pretty different from all the rest. For one thing it's a professional athlete; all of my other COs have been singers. He's my first non-American CO which I think is cool. And most of my COs have either been older than me or we've been pretty close in age. This current one is in his early 20s and I'm in my mid-30s and for some reason the age difference makes me feel kind of weird. The funny thing is one of my COs was 15 years older than me and I didn't feel overly weird about that. I actually don't think age is a big deal in a relationship, provided that the younger person is an adult. And yet this one makes me feel weird.

But I can't help it. This one came out of nowhere. It started with me becoming a fan of the sport and liking him as a player and thinking he was good looking, but that was it for a while. And then one day I realized that I would catch myself thinking about him and it all kind of snowballed from there. This is pretty much how it's happened with all my COs, but I never expect it. The good news is that while he's starting to become more popular, he's still relatively unknown. Granted, I look up pictures and try to find interviews and things, but I feel better having some control over when I see him. I can go online without seeing anything. He also seems to be a pretty private person and he seems kind of shy. I did stumble across his instagram the other day since it came up as a person to follow on instagram. I'm guessing because I follow some of his teammates. His instagram is private and so far I've resisted the urge to send him a follow request. He doesn't strike me as the type to post a lot, but I'm scared of what I might find. 

The big issue is that the team is having a fashion show for charity in a week and apparently the wives and girlfriends of the players will be participating. I'm not going to the show (tickets were way too expensive!), but I just know that they'll be pictures and probably some video. I imagine they'll show highlights during one of their games. And I watch every game. I haven't seen any indication that he's in a relationship, but who knows? If he does have a girlfriend, I'd be happier not knowing. The thought of seeing him with a girlfriend makes me feel sick. Though I have no idea how they're going to do it, like will they have the couples walk together at all or what. Or maybe he is single and I'm worrying over nothing. I just don't know. I was looking forward to seeing pictures before it was known that their wives and girlfriends we going to be involved. Now I'm dreading it. Especially since I've seen some of the significant others of the other players and they're all gorgeous. I don't think I'm ugly, but I'm certainly not what anyone would ever call gorgeous either. I can't imagine any professional athlete would ever be interested in me, though I suppose stranger things have happened. 

This particular CO just makes me feel so silly. Every time I see him interviewed, he seems so much older than his years. I forget that he's so much younger than me. I know a lot of the foreigners in this sport go back to their home countries in the offseason and it wouldn't surprise me if he was the same. I know I would want to if I spent most of the year away from my family. I've never been outside of the United States, unless you count a trip to Canada my family went on when I was really little. I don't really count it since I don't remember anything about it.

I really can't imagine what me and him might have in common other than a love for his sport. The team does a fair amount of appearances and they have open practices that fans can go to and since I do live in the same city, there are ways I could theoretically meet him. On one hand, of course I want to meet him. On the other, I'm scared to as I'm sure others can relate. A part me wishes I could go back to just being a fan, but the rest of me likes him too much to want to give him up. At this point I just want to get through this blasted fashion show. Ugh. 

 

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17 hours ago, musiclover83 said:

Hey everyone! It's been a really long time since I've posted on here and a lot has changed. The biggest one being that I finally got over the CO I had at the time. I'm one who has had multiple COs and this last one is one I'm really happy to be over since I discovered some things about him that made me not like him, but it still took me a while to get over him. I was without a CO for a few months and that was nice. 

That is also no longer the case. I have a new one and this one is pretty different from all the rest. For one thing it's a professional athlete; all of my other COs have been singers. He's my first non-American CO which I think is cool. And most of my COs have either been older than me or we've been pretty close in age. This current one is in his early 20s and I'm in my mid-30s and for some reason the age difference makes me feel kind of weird. The funny thing is one of my COs was 15 years older than me and I didn't feel overly weird about that. I actually don't think age is a big deal in a relationship, provided that the younger person is an adult. And yet this one makes me feel weird.

But I can't help it. This one came out of nowhere. It started with me becoming a fan of the sport and liking him as a player and thinking he was good looking, but that was it for a while. And then one day I realized that I would catch myself thinking about him and it all kind of snowballed from there. This is pretty much how it's happened with all my COs, but I never expect it. The good news is that while he's starting to become more popular, he's still relatively unknown. Granted, I look up pictures and try to find interviews and things, but I feel better having some control over when I see him. I can go online without seeing anything. He also seems to be a pretty private person and he seems kind of shy. I did stumble across his instagram the other day since it came up as a person to follow on instagram. I'm guessing because I follow some of his teammates. His instagram is private and so far I've resisted the urge to send him a follow request. He doesn't strike me as the type to post a lot, but I'm scared of what I might find. 

The big issue is that the team is having a fashion show for charity in a week and apparently the wives and girlfriends of the players will be participating. I'm not going to the show (tickets were way too expensive!), but I just know that they'll be pictures and probably some video. I imagine they'll show highlights during one of their games. And I watch every game. I haven't seen any indication that he's in a relationship, but who knows? If he does have a girlfriend, I'd be happier not knowing. The thought of seeing him with a girlfriend makes me feel sick. Though I have no idea how they're going to do it, like will they have the couples walk together at all or what. Or maybe he is single and I'm worrying over nothing. I just don't know. I was looking forward to seeing pictures before it was known that their wives and girlfriends we going to be involved. Now I'm dreading it. Especially since I've seen some of the significant others of the other players and they're all gorgeous. I don't think I'm ugly, but I'm certainly not what anyone would ever call gorgeous either. I can't imagine any professional athlete would ever be interested in me, though I suppose stranger things have happened. 

This particular CO just makes me feel so silly. Every time I see him interviewed, he seems so much older than his years. I forget that he's so much younger than me. I know a lot of the foreigners in this sport go back to their home countries in the offseason and it wouldn't surprise me if he was the same. I know I would want to if I spent most of the year away from my family. I've never been outside of the United States, unless you count a trip to Canada my family went on when I was really little. I don't really count it since I don't remember anything about it.

I really can't imagine what me and him might have in common other than a love for his sport. The team does a fair amount of appearances and they have open practices that fans can go to and since I do live in the same city, there are ways I could theoretically meet him. On one hand, of course I want to meet him. On the other, I'm scared to as I'm sure others can relate. A part me wishes I could go back to just being a fan, but the rest of me likes him too much to want to give him up. At this point I just want to get through this blasted fashion show. Ugh. 

 

Same here. My CO is 22 and I’m 36. It doesn’t make me feel weird...just old. lol But he’s beautiful, talented, charming...why wouldn’t I find him attractive? I also don’t think he seems any less mature than I am...maybe he’s more mature even. My CO hasn’t publicly said anything about his love life so far, so I can also relate to not wanting to know whether he’s seeing someone. I don’t need to know! 😄

This thread has been pretty quiet lately so I hope everyone is doing well!

Edited by HopelessRomantic2011
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On February 19, 2018 at 7:09 PM, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Same here. My CO is 22 and I’m 36. It doesn’t make me feel weird...just old. lol But he’s beautiful, talented, charming...why wouldn’t I find him attractive? I also don’t think he seems any less mature than I am...maybe he’s more mature even. My CO hasn’t publicly said anything about his love life so far, so I can also relate to not wanting to know whether he’s seeing someone. I don’t need to know! 😄

This thread has been pretty quiet lately so I hope everyone is doing well!

Maybe that's why I feel weird - it makes me feel old too. Though my CO is all of those things too, so it makes sense why he became my CO.

Meanwhile, I'm feeling sick. I thought the dreaded fashion show was Monday and was going to try to avoid all team related social media that day. But I had my dates mixed up. It's happening now and I was on twitter chickening time and what naturally shows up in my feed? Pictures from the show. And one of my CO with a kid from one of the charities the team supports (all the guys are walking with kids and SO's, if they have them) and a blonde. Her back was to the camera so I didn't see her face. But ugh. There was a little video of them walking back that had their names on it so now I know her first name too. They haven't done that with anyone else so far. It's like a punch to the stomach, every time it happens. And why is it always a blonde? 

No offense to any blondes here. I don't hate blondes, really, it just seems like all my COs prefer them. As you might have guessed, I am not one. And granted, it this particular instance there's a ton of other reasons why things likely wouldn't work out with this one. It's not like I ever seriously thought I had a chance. But it still hurts. I hate this feeling and I hate that every time this happens, I automatically start hating the girl. It's not fair, I know. This girl might be a total sweetheart who makes him happy, but I hate her. I hate feeling this way. :( 

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I've never really talked about my celebrity obsessions/maladaptive daydreams about celebrities with anyone before. Its always been my dirty secret. Maladaptive daydreaming is something that I would suggest researching if you've never heard of it before. I think some of you might be fellow maladaptive daydreamers. Some maladaptive daydreamers invent their own characters for their daydreams but a lot also use celebrities and existing fictional characters.

Anyway, here goes nothing. I've been obsessing/daydreaming since I was about 10. I'm usually obsessed with the celebrity and daydreaming about them for 1-3 years before I "meet" someone new and replace them.

My latest one which has been going on for a year is probably my unhealthiest obsession yet. With my previous obsessions I never cared if they had a girlfriend or a wife. I could see pictures of them with their wife or girlfriend and think "cute couple!" and then go back to imagining I was with them instead. With my latest obsession, its driving me completely insane knowing that he's dating this girl that's 20 years younger than him. Like I keep obsessively checking their social media pages hoping for a sign that they've broken up. But they havent. They're on vacation together this weekend and its not only making me sad but its also pi**ing me off. Like how dare he not be faithful to me, a woman he doesn't know exists? A lot of nerve that man has! Lol

I know what I need to do. I need to delete instagram and twitter. I need to turn the channel he's on off my tv. I wont see him or hear about him anymore if I do those two things. Problem is that I'm scared to because I haven't been without an obsession and my daydreams revolving around that obsession in 20 years. I've always found the next obsession before ever letting go of one. This is going cold turkey. I will have to actually be me 24/7, with no escape. That's terrifying.
 

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12 hours ago, kristenb said:

I've never really talked about my celebrity obsessions/maladaptive daydreams about celebrities with anyone before. Its always been my dirty secret. Maladaptive daydreaming is something that I would suggest researching if you've never heard of it before. I think some of you might be fellow maladaptive daydreamers. Some maladaptive daydreamers invent their own characters for their daydreams but a lot also use celebrities and existing fictional characters.

Anyway, here goes nothing. I've been obsessing/daydreaming since I was about 10. I'm usually obsessed with the celebrity and daydreaming about them for 1-3 years before I "meet" someone new and replace them.

My latest one which has been going on for a year is probably my unhealthiest obsession yet. With my previous obsessions I never cared if they had a girlfriend or a wife. I could see pictures of them with their wife or girlfriend and think "cute couple!" and then go back to imagining I was with them instead. With my latest obsession, its driving me completely insane knowing that he's dating this girl that's 20 years younger than him. Like I keep obsessively checking their social media pages hoping for a sign that they've broken up. But they havent. They're on vacation together this weekend and its not only making me sad but its also pi**ing me off. Like how dare he not be faithful to me, a woman he doesn't know exists? A lot of nerve that man has! Lol

I know what I need to do. I need to delete instagram and twitter. I need to turn the channel he's on off my tv. I wont see him or hear about him anymore if I do those two things. Problem is that I'm scared to because I haven't been without an obsession and my daydreams revolving around that obsession in 20 years. I've always found the next obsession before ever letting go of one. This is going cold turkey. I will have to actually be me 24/7, with no escape. That's terrifying.
 

Welcome, @kristenb and @musiclover83 thank you for sharing! I'd like to welcome you to this forum, and Iet you know that I will read your posts and try to help you if I can. I am a "recovering" CO addict. :) This forum was so beneficial- almost like a secret diary- to share inner unhealthy feelings that just aren't accepted in society, especially for grown, mature, functioning adults like we present ourselves to be. I know if you feel how I did, this stuff is 'supposed to be' for 13 year old girls, but I don't believe any of us who posted here are 13! It's grown women, some as old as late middle age, and a few men as well.

@kristenb- I think the best thing for you to do is to cancel or unfollow your CO on social media, if his relationship is making your life feel miserable. Use a blocker such as Blocksite for Chrome, just google 'site blocker' to find one that works for your devices. I used one to block Tumblr, and some celebrity-related sites like TMZ, People.com, OhMyDisney, etc.

Another suggestion I'd like to make, is to find a 'replacement hobby.' I've been reading up on certain periods of history that I've always been obsessed with. Lately I've re-sparked my interest in a certain history topic. I've joined a new forum, bought a new book and everything! Even though I have a great interest in the historical figures, those people are long dead. There is no celebrity or actor involved. There have been some movies or documentaries made about them in the past, but any actors who played them have not sparked anything. The thing is- I can't CHOOSE which actor sparks my adoration. It's always totally out of my control. I see the guy, and 'BOOM!' it happens! :)

I have good news to share for the members who have been here a while. I'm almost 100 percent recovered from my CO! I still adore him, but I've been satisfied and okay enough in my OWN life that I don't need to obsess about his, whether it's his marriage or his co-actresses. He was in the news recently because he personally knew someone who suffered a tragedy. The article popped up in my feed and I read it, because I'm also very saddened by the tragedy and was curious. Luckily all the article showed was quotes of his Twitter tweets. I noticed he had the same avatar for Twitter- a cute childhood photo of himself. It made me want to re-follow him for just a minute, but I stayed strong and I didn't! He had his birthday recently (gahh he's 11 years younger than me!) and I wished him a secret 'happy birthday' thought/prayer while I walked our dog through the quiet, snow-blanketed forest trail. Winter is beautiful where I live.

Later that day on my computer I stumbled upon something on Twitter. Someone in my movie fandom who I still follow had drawn a new, adorable fanart picture of his character as a birthday gift, and of course it made me smile. :) I liked and shared it on my own page. And that was it! He doesn't make me sad, or jealous, or covetous anymore. I think of him fondly, I'm still a fan, I agree and support his social and political causes- but the 'obsessive longing' is no longer there. Staying away from his social media, and replacing things related to him with OTHER things have helped me get over him.

My own marriage is doing great. We had a nice Valentine's Day together. My husband finished a big ski race yesterday, and this was so cute- He skiied down the final big hill backwards! What a goofball. He didn't fall either, he's still a very strong athlete in his favorite sports. One of our daughters recorded it on her phone. The crowd at the bottom of the hill cheered loudly for him, but not as loud as the kids and I! We were his biggest fans. That's how it should be!

From now on, NO movie star will ever take the place of my guy! - Isn't that how the old song goes? :) 

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11 hours ago, imalittleteapot said:

Welcome, @kristenb and @musiclover83 thank you for sharing! I'd like to welcome you to this forum, and Iet you know that I will read your posts and try to help you if I can. I am a "recovering" CO addict. :) This forum was so beneficial- almost like a secret diary- to share inner unhealthy feelings that just aren't accepted in society, especially for grown, mature, functioning adults like we present ourselves to be. I know if you feel how I did, this stuff is 'supposed to be' for 13 year old girls, but I don't believe any of us who posted here are 13! It's grown women, some as old as late middle age, and a few men as well.

@kristenb- I think the best thing for you to do is to cancel or unfollow your CO on social media, if his relationship is making your life feel miserable. Use a blocker such as Blocksite for Chrome, just google 'site blocker' to find one that works for your devices. I used one to block Tumblr, and some celebrity-related sites like TMZ, People.com, OhMyDisney, etc.

Another suggestion I'd like to make, is to find a 'replacement hobby.' I've been reading up on certain periods of history that I've always been obsessed with. Lately I've re-sparked my interest in a certain history topic. I've joined a new forum, bought a new book and everything! Even though I have a great interest in the historical figures, those people are long dead. There is no celebrity or actor involved. There have been some movies or documentaries made about them in the past, but any actors who played them have not sparked anything. The thing is- I can't CHOOSE which actor sparks my adoration. It's always totally out of my control. I see the guy, and 'BOOM!' it happens! :)

I have good news to share for the members who have been here a while. I'm almost 100 percent recovered from my CO! I still adore him, but I've been satisfied and okay enough in my OWN life that I don't need to obsess about his, whether it's his marriage or his co-actresses. He was in the news recently because he personally knew someone who suffered a tragedy. The article popped up in my feed and I read it, because I'm also very saddened by the tragedy and was curious. Luckily all the article showed was quotes of his Twitter tweets. I noticed he had the same avatar for Twitter- a cute childhood photo of himself. It made me want to re-follow him for just a minute, but I stayed strong and I didn't! He had his birthday recently (gahh he's 11 years younger than me!) and I wished him a secret 'happy birthday' thought/prayer while I walked our dog through the quiet, snow-blanketed forest trail. Winter is beautiful where I live.

Later that day on my computer I stumbled upon something on Twitter. Someone in my movie fandom who I still follow had drawn a new, adorable fanart picture of his character as a birthday gift, and of course it made me smile. :) I liked and shared it on my own page. And that was it! He doesn't make me sad, or jealous, or covetous anymore. I think of him fondly, I'm still a fan, I agree and support his social and political causes- but the 'obsessive longing' is no longer there. Staying away from his social media, and replacing things related to him with OTHER things have helped me get over him.

My own marriage is doing great. We had a nice Valentine's Day together. My husband finished a big ski race yesterday, and this was so cute- He skiied down the final big hill backwards! What a goofball. He didn't fall either, he's still a very strong athlete in his favorite sports. One of our daughters recorded it on her phone. The crowd at the bottom of the hill cheered loudly for him, but not as loud as the kids and I! We were his biggest fans. That's how it should be!

From now on, NO movie star will ever take the place of my guy! - Isn't that how the old song goes? :) 

Glad to hear that everything is going well!

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Welcome @kristenb! I looked up maladaptive daydreaming because I was curious and that's exactly what I've done for as long as I can remember. I had no idea that there was a term for it. It's always such a comfort knowing that there's other people who do it too.

I've always done that as an escape from my life which doesn't look anything like I hoped it would at this age. It's also a way to cope with my anxiety. Just the thought of giving it up scares me. That said, it's not working out so well for me at the moment.

The past few days have been hard. I fell down the rabbit hole, so to speak, and keep finding myself looking for pictures from the fashion show. I'm so frustrated with myself since this is something I could pretty much completely avoid. There's been so much that's happened with the team over the past couple of days and people have already pretty much moved on from the show. The only social media account my CO seems to have is instagram and I've successfully resisted the urge to send a follow request. I now know what his girlfriend looks like and it's my own fault. I don't know if it was a way to punish myself or to try to force myself to try to move on.

Like I said, giving up the fantasy/daydream is scary but it's ruined. At least for now. I can't seem to think about my CO without thinking about the girlfriend. At least not for long. Maybe it's ridiculous, but I've tried to transfer my CO preference over to one of his teammates - this one seems to be single at least and he's cute. But that makes me feel weirdly unfaithful. Sometimes I just have to laugh. It seems like my CO has been with this girl for a while now, so I try to tell myself that he's been with her the whole time he's been my CO and I could enjoy the fantasy I've imagined. And it has been a really nice one. But what they say is true. Ignorance really is bliss sometimes. I hate that I can't just block her out of my head. I hate feeling jealous, especially of someone I don't even know. So it's hard right now. My goal at the moment is to stop looking for pictures from the show. It's not good for me. 

You know what I find really frustrating though? I think several of his teammates are really good looking and I have lowkey crushes on a few of them, but it's not a big deal. Pretty much all of them but the one I've tried to think about instead of my CO are in relationships and I don't care. I can look at pictures of them with their wives/girlfriends and it doesn't bother me at all. This CO stuff gets so exhausting sometimes. I just want to be able to enjoy my daydream like I used to.

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Hi again! Been reading a few of the latest posts. I'm happy for you iamalittleteapot and opal!  Welcome @ new members!
When I have some guy to talk to it's easier to forget him, there's no one right now (meaning things went wrong with all of the ones I've talked to so far), so I'm feeling hopeless again and start to fantasize about him. It goes back to him leaving his gf for me (hahaha). So be it, I am a jealous b* I can't help it :(
I was doing that now, and clicked on a picture of him. Just one. So now I'm here lol. Last night I watched a silly romantic comedy movie and cried, so I guess I'm feeling fantasy-ish.

The only thing I've been doing lately is work (which I do stuck at home) and gym sometimes, and gym reminds me of him (I remember the videos of him working out...), the rest of the time I'm lonely, so I guess the fantasies are normal. The most exciting thing in my life is saving to buy new shoes. 

I've deleted my twitter account for many reasons, so I no longer run the risk of hearing about wrestling or him anytime anymore. It was much easier to do than I thought it would be. 

@kristenb the maladaptive daydreaming thing has been mentioned here before, a lot of us can relate *nods* I've never had a CO like this though. I'm over the O part now, it's not an obsession anymore it's just some kind of unrequited love, but I have to be careful because I do get obsessive about my daydreams sometimes.

I've said this before but, if anyone wants to chat either here or somewhere else about anything, feel free to contact me

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This is only my 2nd post, but I’ve been reading you all. I’m having a hard time this week. I am going to see my CO in a small (1000) venue, my 2nd time seeing her. I’m going with 2 friends, one of whom just loves the music, and the other of which is more like me. But I’m the one who found her first, so of course she’s “mine”! I know I won’t get to meet her, which is well, because if she hugged me (which she is wont to do with fans) I would probably never let go of her. So my depression has bottomed out so badly that I was asked if I wanted to be hospitalized. I wondered if it might be better if I just didn’t go. I listened to James Blunt’s “You’re Beautiful” and “Cry” over and over and sobbed along.  I am old enough to be my CO’s mother, but the first time I heard her I lost my heart, and then when I looked her up and realized she was beautiful, gay (like me), and after watching dozens of clips, just such a playful, fun, brave (to me) personality, the age didn’t matter until a bit later when I actually realized I’m 28  years older than her!  I think about her constantly, my Pinterest page of her has almost 1000 pins, which isn’t bad for someone who is considered an indie artist. She’s everything I wanted to be in my youth, but was too afraid to be. She slays me with her qualities and kills me with her obvious love for her fiancee, whom I hate with a white hot pasion, of course! But then I have other moments when I can be more reasonable and be happy for my CO for finding the thing I never had but yearned for most, love returned, and a deep connection with a kindred spirit. So I’m bouncing all over the place, and finally decided I had to put out here what’s going on with me. Thanks for listening. 

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Hello again…I posted a few weeks ago after a long time, and everyone was so kind and welcoming. Well…I’m here today with a CO development that I’d like to share…I’m going to keep this short but I needed to get it out because it happened very recently and surprised me with how much it got me down. Earlier, I said I was dealing with CO less these days. Well…I’ve still been dealing with it a little bit and something happened this week that made it very clear that one (and most likely) both of my current semi-COs (yes…the same ones I was talking about with the shipping) are definitely not single and may, in fact, be together.

For me, with prior CO (except for one), something shifts when I find out that they’re in a committed relationship. Long story short, it usually means the beginning of the end, that I’m eventually going to lose interest and be free of the CO(s). I have a strong aversion to married/committed or otherwise partnered men, even when it’s someone I wouldn’t even have a chance to meet like a celebrity and while I still admire them and find them attractive, I lose that deeper “pull” pretty quickly as soon as I find out. But it still hurts similar to when I find out another friend I’ve lost touch with is now married/engaged/partnered. I'm 35, single, and struggling financially. I feel like I’m hopelessly alone in life and falling deeper and deeper into a black hole where I’ll never find connection again. But, as I sit in a muddy pool of filth, I see all these other people being air-lifted out into loving relationships, intimacy, connection, and overall life success. Meanwhile, no one even notices me. This might go on until I die and it never stops hurting.

I know logically that I shouldn’t feel anything but joy in someone I admire and appreciate sharing that they’ve found connection with another human being (especially if it's true that they're together, because if it is they have a beautiful story and an almost otherworldly connection, at least from the outside). Eventually, I get to that joy. But it’s always a struggle at first, and the pain can come back.

So today I’m hurting a bit…but I’m also a little relieved as I know my semi-COs are on their way out. I’m hoping that maybe this time, I’ll avoid falling into another one and letting the pattern repeat…and start finding more ways to be happy in my own life, as it is, no matter how things turn out.

Edited by cassis_creme
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I’m sorry to double-post but I was in a hurry earlier…I should have waited a bit...now that I’ve had some time to read through some of the other posts on the thread, I’d like to share more.

I’ve been having a strong emotional reaction to the revelation…one that came out of nowhere for me, especially since I’ve been gradually less invested (as in, the semi-COs were fading away on their own). I think I’ve always known in the back of my mind that if I kept the COs going at any level, and the inevitable reveal of one or both of them being in a relationship happened, then it would be an emotional train wreck for me (for a short time). So far, I’ve cried in public, not been able to eat for several hours this morning, felt numb, completely forgotten about everything going on in my own life (from the negatives of gripes with my job lately to the positives of getting a new hairstyle this week...and can't even muster a care about the Oscars, which I usually love watching and commenting on with my mom), and written…a lot…about my feelings. I’ve almost written some reactions publically within the fandom but I found myself just masking my true feelings of grief and pain with the expected celebratory propping up of the CO for taking a big step, being more open about his sexuality and possibly his relationship, etc. (which I do feel as well…but not purely).

All this being said…as I was reading through the posts, I saw a number of you also mention feelings about your CO and their romantic relationship…and how it affects your own feelings, for better or worse. And others who have shared some ideas for moving on…both of these are tremendously helpful to hear. I’m trying to let my emotions flow but there’s a part of me that’s judging myself for feeling so strongly about someone I don’t even know expressing something that I kinda knew deep down all along. Those who have shared are reminding me that others feel these things too (this is definitely not happening within the fandom. There are some who are saying that they don't think he means anything about his sexuality with the comment but they are generally being mocked as "ignorant" straight girls who just wish they could be with the CO, wake up sweetie he's spoken for and it's another guy, that kind of thing). So thank you.

When it comes to moving on, I’d already stopped using twitter a few weeks ago. Twitter has generally been a temptation for me to compare my life negatively to others’ and to indulge in CO-ing…not to mention, reading the COs’ posts and people’s responses to them every day, and as I was already on a path of letting go, it felt like the right time to take that step. I think the next step for me, in about a month’s time, might be to delete my twitter completely (and I'm bookmarking that "Block site"). I also want to move away from going on other sites about them and get to a point where I only check in from time to time. There is a big CO-related event this summer (I can explain more in PM if anyone is curious), and I think after that event I will become either a very casual fan or let go completely.

The biggest challenge as a long-term single CO-er is finding other hobbies that work as a replacement for intimacy. I’m not in a place in my life to start dating again just yet, especially as I worry about expecting too much too soon until I let go of these semi-COs and the “high” I get from them. I will re-start therapy soon and work on some of my idealist tendancies. I’m not a huge friend person and hobbies, reading, the like (and, yes, even spiritual things) just seem so…dry compared to the fantasies of intimacy I can create in my mind. I have been reading more- in place of twitter, I chose a few biographies to read (to learn more about others’ lives than the tiny snippets of amazingness we get from social media) and am working through those. But still…I’m starting to feel a bit like I’m heading into little elderly lady territory (living a quiet little life alone of reading and hobbies…social media does, for better or worse, keep me connected and feeling young)…and I’m not quite ready to go there just yet…!

Edited by cassis_creme
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Hello again...I hope that I'm not breaking any rules by posting yet again. If so, please feel free to delete.

Although I thought I'd be better after a day or so, I'm still hurting...a lot. I have no where else to go right now (the therapy doesn't start up until later this week)...and even if no one responds or this gets deleted, it helps to just say it somewhere in the world...so here goes...

-

I think part of the pain that I'm feeling is also the confirmation that the somewhat-fairy tale life (again, idealizing, gonna work on that) that my semi-COs have been living together is…well, true. For a while, I could easily say, “that’s beautiful, that’s amazing, that’s incredible, how can two people be so lucky to click so well as friends, business partners, lovers…and virtually become one?” But then I could always say, “well, we don’t know that they’re even together.” Now that they’ve basically confirmed that they are well…another punch in the gut. It looks like some people really do get to live a life where there’s someone there who supports them, loves them, has amazing sex with them, and runs a successful business with them.

When you’re little, you think of love as something so basic. It’s hard to imagine that it might be a huge problem for you in the future to be starved of simple things like touch, or even a meaningful smile. No one tells you exactly why all those 30-something women in movies are bawling their eyes out and screaming that they are afraid, that they don’t want to end up alone. Mostly because the adults around you will be other couples with kids (at least they were in my case). Now I have this ache, not only in knowing that the fantasies that have been helping me cope with being so isolated are dying but in knowing that others are simply…not put through this (in fact, they get the opposite- so much tenderness and care that they probably don’t even know what to do with it at times). Why me? Why me? Why….me?

I think the reason so many of us in this particular fandom express adoring feelings for my semi-COs is because tenderness attracts tenderness. They may not have said it out loud until now, but it’s always been there. And when you see someone validated in love by another person, people tend to be drawn to that joyful comfort that one gives off when they know someone loves them and has got their back. It makes everyone else seem like shaking, insecure, junkies…shaking from intimacy withdrawal. That’s what I feel like. An intimacy junkie who’s just lost all her hits.

Every time I hear that another person has found love, it feels like the world is saying “Ah ha. See. It’s doable. It’s just you. There’s something wrong with you that you don’t deserve this.” I think this anti-perfectionism book I just got calls is symbolic failure (though maybe not quite, because in this case, I don’t even do anything!)

Why would a loving God do this to a so-called child? Starve it for love? Make it live alone and isolated to “learn lessons”? Am I even learning anything? Does God need me to be perfect?

It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even imagine myself being loved. I can’t picture a really good date, being called back, being excited to see the other person again. I can’t picture conversations that last for hours. I can’t picture being completely known (over time, in its own time) and…accepted rather than judged or questioned on every little thing. I definitely can’t imagine the “I want to see only you” conversation. I can’t imagine continuing to grow closer and sharing more. I can’t imagine engagement or moving in together or someone not running for the hills when they find out what my financial life has been. I can’t imagine someone not running when they hear what my gyn history has been either. I can’t imagine someone staying through the ups and downs, the weight losses and gains, the joy, the laughter….for years? I can’t imagine sharing living space. I definitely can’t imagine having and raising kids- that might as well be alien life. Can’t imagine intimacy getting stronger not weaker. Can’t imagine a good life together.

I can’t even imagine 1% of what my semi-COs (and millions of others) are living every single day. Part of me wants to write it off as “well, that’s the ideal. It’s not like that 100% of the time and there are struggles in every life.” Well…I can’t even imagine having any of that for even 1% of the time. The hardest part, though, might be in living through uncertainty as the likelihood of it happening decreases with every passing year.  If God came down today and said, “I got some bad news for you, sis,” and told me that a relationship would never happen for me….yes, it would hurt like a mother for a little while. Weeks, months…maybe even a few years. But eventually I’d find peace. Eventually I’d learn to accept it. The thing is…I just don’t know. I might find it, I might not. So I can’t completely write it off. I want to be prepared, but I don’t want to waste what little life I have preparing for nothing.

 

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15 hours ago, cassis_creme said:

Hello again...I hope that I'm not breaking any rules by posting yet again. If so, please feel free to delete.

Although I thought I'd be better after a day or so, I'm still hurting...a lot. I have no where else to go right now (the therapy doesn't start up until later this week)...and even if no one responds or this gets deleted, it helps to just say it somewhere in the world...so here goes...

-

I think part of the pain that I'm feeling is also the confirmation that the somewhat-fairy tale life (again, idealizing, gonna work on that) that my semi-COs have been living together is…well, true. For a while, I could easily say, “that’s beautiful, that’s amazing, that’s incredible, how can two people be so lucky to click so well as friends, business partners, lovers…and virtually become one?” But then I could always say, “well, we don’t know that they’re even together.” Now that they’ve basically confirmed that they are well…another punch in the gut. It looks like some people really do get to live a life where there’s someone there who supports them, loves them, has amazing sex with them, and runs a successful business with them.

When you’re little, you think of love as something so basic. It’s hard to imagine that it might be a huge problem for you in the future to be starved of simple things like touch, or even a meaningful smile. No one tells you exactly why all those 30-something women in movies are bawling their eyes out and screaming that they are afraid, that they don’t want to end up alone. Mostly because the adults around you will be other couples with kids (at least they were in my case). Now I have this ache, not only in knowing that the fantasies that have been helping me cope with being so isolated are dying but in knowing that others are simply…not put through this (in fact, they get the opposite- so much tenderness and care that they probably don’t even know what to do with it at times). Why me? Why me? Why….me?

I think the reason so many of us in this particular fandom express adoring feelings for my semi-COs is because tenderness attracts tenderness. They may not have said it out loud until now, but it’s always been there. And when you see someone validated in love by another person, people tend to be drawn to that joyful comfort that one gives off when they know someone loves them and has got their back. It makes everyone else seem like shaking, insecure, junkies…shaking from intimacy withdrawal. That’s what I feel like. An intimacy junkie who’s just lost all her hits.

Every time I hear that another person has found love, it feels like the world is saying “Ah ha. See. It’s doable. It’s just you. There’s something wrong with you that you don’t deserve this.” I think this anti-perfectionism book I just got calls is symbolic failure (though maybe not quite, because in this case, I don’t even do anything!)

Why would a loving God do this to a so-called child? Starve it for love? Make it live alone and isolated to “learn lessons”? Am I even learning anything? Does God need me to be perfect?

It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even imagine myself being loved. I can’t picture a really good date, being called back, being excited to see the other person again. I can’t picture conversations that last for hours. I can’t picture being completely known (over time, in its own time) and…accepted rather than judged or questioned on every little thing. I definitely can’t imagine the “I want to see only you” conversation. I can’t imagine continuing to grow closer and sharing more. I can’t imagine engagement or moving in together or someone not running for the hills when they find out what my financial life has been. I can’t imagine someone not running when they hear what my gyn history has been either. I can’t imagine someone staying through the ups and downs, the weight losses and gains, the joy, the laughter….for years? I can’t imagine sharing living space. I definitely can’t imagine having and raising kids- that might as well be alien life. Can’t imagine intimacy getting stronger not weaker. Can’t imagine a good life together.

I can’t even imagine 1% of what my semi-COs (and millions of others) are living every single day. Part of me wants to write it off as “well, that’s the ideal. It’s not like that 100% of the time and there are struggles in every life.” Well…I can’t even imagine having any of that for even 1% of the time. The hardest part, though, might be in living through uncertainty as the likelihood of it happening decreases with every passing year.  If God came down today and said, “I got some bad news for you, sis,” and told me that a relationship would never happen for me….yes, it would hurt like a mother for a little while. Weeks, months…maybe even a few years. But eventually I’d find peace. Eventually I’d learn to accept it. The thing is…I just don’t know. I might find it, I might not. So I can’t completely write it off. I want to be prepared, but I don’t want to waste what little life I have preparing for nothing.

 

Hi there,

I'm hurt reading your posts. I've been and felt mostly what you've written. I hope I can say something here to help you but I also losing words. As I'm trying to recover myself. And still not going anywhere. I wish you to stay strong. 

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On 2/28/2018 at 0:24 PM, MajorDepression said:

This is only my 2nd post, but I’ve been reading you all. I’m having a hard time this week. I am going to see my CO in a small (1000) venue, my 2nd time seeing her. I’m going with 2 friends, one of whom just loves the music, and the other of which is more like me. But I’m the one who found her first, so of course she’s “mine”! I know I won’t get to meet her, which is well, because if she hugged me (which she is wont to do with fans) I would probably never let go of her. So my depression has bottomed out so badly that I was asked if I wanted to be hospitalized. I wondered if it might be better if I just didn’t go. I listened to James Blunt’s “You’re Beautiful” and “Cry” over and over and sobbed along.  I am old enough to be my CO’s mother, but the first time I heard her I lost my heart, and then when I looked her up and realized she was beautiful, gay (like me), and after watching dozens of clips, just such a playful, fun, brave (to me) personality, the age didn’t matter until a bit later when I actually realized I’m 28  years older than her!  I think about her constantly, my Pinterest page of her has almost 1000 pins, which isn’t bad for someone who is considered an indie artist. She’s everything I wanted to be in my youth, but was too afraid to be. She slays me with her qualities and kills me with her obvious love for her fiancee, whom I hate with a white hot pasion, of course! But then I have other moments when I can be more reasonable and be happy for my CO for finding the thing I never had but yearned for most, love returned, and a deep connection with a kindred spirit. So I’m bouncing all over the place, and finally decided I had to put out here what’s going on with me. Thanks for listening. 

Hey there, how did everything turn out? Did you end up going to the concert?

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On 3/5/2018 at 11:12 AM, cassis_creme said:

Hello again...I hope that I'm not breaking any rules by posting yet again. If so, please feel free to delete.

Although I thought I'd be better after a day or so, I'm still hurting...a lot. I have no where else to go right now (the therapy doesn't start up until later this week)...and even if no one responds or this gets deleted, it helps to just say it somewhere in the world...so here goes...

-

I think part of the pain that I'm feeling is also the confirmation that the somewhat-fairy tale life (again, idealizing, gonna work on that) that my semi-COs have been living together is…well, true. For a while, I could easily say, “that’s beautiful, that’s amazing, that’s incredible, how can two people be so lucky to click so well as friends, business partners, lovers…and virtually become one?” But then I could always say, “well, we don’t know that they’re even together.” Now that they’ve basically confirmed that they are well…another punch in the gut. It looks like some people really do get to live a life where there’s someone there who supports them, loves them, has amazing sex with them, and runs a successful business with them.

When you’re little, you think of love as something so basic. It’s hard to imagine that it might be a huge problem for you in the future to be starved of simple things like touch, or even a meaningful smile. No one tells you exactly why all those 30-something women in movies are bawling their eyes out and screaming that they are afraid, that they don’t want to end up alone. Mostly because the adults around you will be other couples with kids (at least they were in my case). Now I have this ache, not only in knowing that the fantasies that have been helping me cope with being so isolated are dying but in knowing that others are simply…not put through this (in fact, they get the opposite- so much tenderness and care that they probably don’t even know what to do with it at times). Why me? Why me? Why….me?

I think the reason so many of us in this particular fandom express adoring feelings for my semi-COs is because tenderness attracts tenderness. They may not have said it out loud until now, but it’s always been there. And when you see someone validated in love by another person, people tend to be drawn to that joyful comfort that one gives off when they know someone loves them and has got their back. It makes everyone else seem like shaking, insecure, junkies…shaking from intimacy withdrawal. That’s what I feel like. An intimacy junkie who’s just lost all her hits.

Every time I hear that another person has found love, it feels like the world is saying “Ah ha. See. It’s doable. It’s just you. There’s something wrong with you that you don’t deserve this.” I think this anti-perfectionism book I just got calls is symbolic failure (though maybe not quite, because in this case, I don’t even do anything!)

Why would a loving God do this to a so-called child? Starve it for love? Make it live alone and isolated to “learn lessons”? Am I even learning anything? Does God need me to be perfect?

It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even imagine myself being loved. I can’t picture a really good date, being called back, being excited to see the other person again. I can’t picture conversations that last for hours. I can’t picture being completely known (over time, in its own time) and…accepted rather than judged or questioned on every little thing. I definitely can’t imagine the “I want to see only you” conversation. I can’t imagine continuing to grow closer and sharing more. I can’t imagine engagement or moving in together or someone not running for the hills when they find out what my financial life has been. I can’t imagine someone not running when they hear what my gyn history has been either. I can’t imagine someone staying through the ups and downs, the weight losses and gains, the joy, the laughter….for years? I can’t imagine sharing living space. I definitely can’t imagine having and raising kids- that might as well be alien life. Can’t imagine intimacy getting stronger not weaker. Can’t imagine a good life together.

I can’t even imagine 1% of what my semi-COs (and millions of others) are living every single day. Part of me wants to write it off as “well, that’s the ideal. It’s not like that 100% of the time and there are struggles in every life.” Well…I can’t even imagine having any of that for even 1% of the time. The hardest part, though, might be in living through uncertainty as the likelihood of it happening decreases with every passing year.  If God came down today and said, “I got some bad news for you, sis,” and told me that a relationship would never happen for me….yes, it would hurt like a mother for a little while. Weeks, months…maybe even a few years. But eventually I’d find peace. Eventually I’d learn to accept it. The thing is…I just don’t know. I might find it, I might not. So I can’t completely write it off. I want to be prepared, but I don’t want to waste what little life I have preparing for nothing.

 

Believe me it's not just you... I'm proof that it's a least the two of us xD Really wish I could give you a big hug! I don't know what else to say, I'm sorry. Whenever I try to just accept it it feels like grieving. But I get tired of people telling me it's going to happen one day, or "it's going to be this year!" . I get told I don't have the opportunities. Do you meet a lot of new people? I rarely meet anyone.

@MajorDepression I hope you're doing okay! 
 

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Hi all,

I found this topic through an old post on this forum about character obsessions, and I really want to vent somewhere (honestly I'm so embarrassed by this that I'm too afraid to write the full truth down in my own diary) and everyone here seems so understanding, so here goes. (Sorry for length).

I've been watching a TV show recently and I became really obsessed with it. Watching it was the only happy point of my day, but the second an episode ended or I had to stop watching it I felt miserable. I started to realise that these feelings were mostly focused around one character, and the relationship he was in. I wouldn't say I was jealous but I was hugely invested in the relationship, and in him. 

As I drew to the end of the series I became more and more miserable as things got more and more intense with this relationship. I've now finished all the available episodes (though more will be coming soon) and I thought that would give my mind some peace but I can't stop thinking about this one scene with this character that turned sexual. I find myself spending most of my time trying to distract myself so I don't think about it. I seem to have the song from that scene stuck in my head and I feel like its following me (I heard it in the gym and in an advert just today). 

I keep finding myself wanting to google the male actor, or look him up on tumblr or twitter or instagram and I've so far managed to stop myself as I know this will only send me down a rabbit hole of further obsession and misery. I feel anxious even thinking about him or his character. 

I've had crushes on celebs before but they've always been fun and harmless, this does not feel like that at all. I turn 30 this month and I'm scared that I've just discovered my mind is capable of this. I feel completely depressed and kind of like 'what's the point?' Also he's much younger than me so I feel old and worthless. I keep wishing I was an actor so I could understand his world.

I keep finding myself criticising my own looks or personality or habits, saying that that's not something this guy/character would like. I also keep making myself miserable every time I see an attractive woman (on tv or real life) by immediately thinking 'she's good enough for him'. I realise how ridiculous it is since I don't know the actor and the character isn't real (also I don't know these women!) but I can't help it!

I feel really trapped and panicky and don't know what to do. I can't focus on my work and I took today off sick because I couldn't face getting out of bed, but then I was alone with my own mind all day.

I have a fiancee who I've been with for 10 years and I don't feel like I can tell him any of this, but he knows I'm really depressed at the moment. I just keep saying I don't know why, and that it's really stupid. He's being so kind to me through this and it makes me feel so guilty. 

I keep thinking I'm getting over it and then I remember that scene again and I feel like I can't breathe. I want to watch it again but I won't let myself. Then I spiral and want to cry. I just want this to go away.

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@vanon,

Wow, hun! it sounds like you're having a really tough time. We are here for you if you need to talk.

I think you could make things a bit easier if you weren't so hard on yourself. That just makes it worse, and you don't need to feel guilty or ashamed about any of this. If you've read through any of the posts here, you will see that there are many people going through similar things and we're not all crazy, bad people. Sometimes these things just happen and they happen to normal, nice people, so you don't need to feel bad or ashamed. Also, please stop comparing yourself to other women. That's not good for you either. You don't even know if he would like them better, so you're just torturing yourself with thoughts about things unknown.

Since you want to get rid of thoughts of this man, I think it is wise not to watch the scene again or look at him online. If you can discipline yourself to not watch him, no matter how tempting, I think the memory will fade in time. Maybe if you did something nice with your fiancee, you would be able to focus your attention on him instead. You're right that this would be something you probably don't want to tell him. You don't need to feel guilty either. Just try to get really busy and think about other things. The only way to get rid of an obsession is to nip it in the bud. It's wise not to watch the actor if your goal is to stop thinking about him. We can help you stay strong and reach your goal. If you are struggling with the temptation, you can always write to us here and we will encourage you to stay strong.   

Edited by BlueStarr
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Thank you @BlueStarr, it means a lot to me to know people out there get what I’m going through and are there for me :)

It definitely helped me feel less abnormal reading through the posts on here, as you say these things happen to normal, nice people. It’s been hard for me to take the leap to applying this to myself and not feeling guilty but I will try.

I think you’re right about not watching the scene again and letting him fade from my mind. I think that’s been slowly happening day by day, it’s still hard but less than last week. The only problem is the next series is now available! I found out last night. I really want to watch it but know I can’t right now, so that’s another challenge. My fiancée actually pointed out the new series while we were on Netflix yesterday and as he looked at the show a promo image with this guys face on it came up and I felt my stomach drop and my skin go hot, I wanted to say ‘stop looking at that, I don’t want to see it!’ 

Thanks again for the support, I will try my best! Back at work again today so at least I have that distraction! 

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22 hours ago, vanon said:

Hi all,

I found this topic through an old post on this forum about character obsessions, and I really want to vent somewhere (honestly I'm so embarrassed by this that I'm too afraid to write the full truth down in my own diary) and everyone here seems so understanding, so here goes. (Sorry for length).

I've been watching a TV show recently and I became really obsessed with it. Watching it was the only happy point of my day, but the second an episode ended or I had to stop watching it I felt miserable. I started to realise that these feelings were mostly focused around one character, and the relationship he was in. I wouldn't say I was jealous but I was hugely invested in the relationship, and in him. 

As I drew to the end of the series I became more and more miserable as things got more and more intense with this relationship. I've now finished all the available episodes (though more will be coming soon) and I thought that would give my mind some peace but I can't stop thinking about this one scene with this character that turned sexual. I find myself spending most of my time trying to distract myself so I don't think about it. I seem to have the song from that scene stuck in my head and I feel like its following me (I heard it in the gym and in an advert just today). 

I keep finding myself wanting to google the male actor, or look him up on tumblr or twitter or instagram and I've so far managed to stop myself as I know this will only send me down a rabbit hole of further obsession and misery. I feel anxious even thinking about him or his character. 

I've had crushes on celebs before but they've always been fun and harmless, this does not feel like that at all. I turn 30 this month and I'm scared that I've just discovered my mind is capable of this. I feel completely depressed and kind of like 'what's the point?' Also he's much younger than me so I feel old and worthless. I keep wishing I was an actor so I could understand his world.

I keep finding myself criticising my own looks or personality or habits, saying that that's not something this guy/character would like. I also keep making myself miserable every time I see an attractive woman (on tv or real life) by immediately thinking 'she's good enough for him'. I realise how ridiculous it is since I don't know the actor and the character isn't real (also I don't know these women!) but I can't help it!

I feel really trapped and panicky and don't know what to do. I can't focus on my work and I took today off sick because I couldn't face getting out of bed, but then I was alone with my own mind all day.

I have a fiancee who I've been with for 10 years and I don't feel like I can tell him any of this, but he knows I'm really depressed at the moment. I just keep saying I don't know why, and that it's really stupid. He's being so kind to me through this and it makes me feel so guilty. 

I keep thinking I'm getting over it and then I remember that scene again and I feel like I can't breathe. I want to watch it again but I won't let myself. Then I spiral and want to cry. I just want this to go away.

You just described what I’m dealing with   The only difference between me and everybody else here is my my co knows I exist which makes it worse.  I’ll be truthful, it’s worse when they know you because there is a reality there and it sucks.  I recently got to hang out with mine again for a little bit.  It never gets easier.  

 

 

 

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And I’ll be honest, I hold back a lot of details because I’m to scared somebody who knows me will stumble across this and figure out who I am and think bad of me. Part of me really wishes I could delete my old posts because of that paranoia.  I really can relate to everybody here, as I too battle all of this. I compare myself to other fans and woman he’s seen with and it’s not healthy because I’m not friends with my Co.

The other night I was at an event my co was and there was lots of pretty young single fans walking around and I looked at them, then at myself and broke down crying in the bathroom. Here I am married and overweight and I can’t prance around in sexy stuff. There is an element of fantasy there esp when you are unhappy or battleing depression which pushes you more into that fantasy world. Half of me knows that’s all it is, but sadly for me there is a reality side too and that makes it bad!  Sometimes it’s better off your co does not know you exist, it helps keep the fantasy just that.  

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On 2/23/2018 at 8:46 PM, musiclover83 said:

Maybe that's why I feel weird - it makes me feel old too. Though my CO is all of those things too, so it makes sense why he became my CO.

Meanwhile, I'm feeling sick. I thought the dreaded fashion show was Monday and was going to try to avoid all team related social media that day. But I had my dates mixed up. It's happening now and I was on twitter chickening time and what naturally shows up in my feed? Pictures from the show. And one of my CO with a kid from one of the charities the team supports (all the guys are walking with kids and SO's, if they have them) and a blonde. Her back was to the camera so I didn't see her face. But ugh. There was a little video of them walking back that had their names on it so now I know her first name too. They haven't done that with anyone else so far. It's like a punch to the stomach, every time it happens. And why is it always a blonde? 

No offense to any blondes here. I don't hate blondes, really, it just seems like all my COs prefer them. As you might have guessed, I am not one. And granted, it this particular instance there's a ton of other reasons why things likely wouldn't work out with this one. It's not like I ever seriously thought I had a chance. But it still hurts. I hate this feeling and I hate that every time this happens, I automatically start hating the girl. It's not fair, I know. This girl might be a total sweetheart who makes him happy, but I hate her. I hate feeling this way. :( 

I had to chuckle, my co is into blondes too. Only type of woman he’ll associate with it seems like. My co was talking to me once when this pretty blond came up and I got dropped like a hot potato, that did so much for my self esteem.  

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2 hours ago, nikki114 said:

It's been rearing its ugly head again, and it's probably worse than ever.  Help me!

I'm so sorry, @nikki114 Are you developing a new CO? Or is it revived feelings for a former one?

I'm reading this board again to day to stay strong, because today is an 'anniversary day!' It was one year ago today that I fell so hard for the CO I had through most of the year in 2017. Yes, I remember the exact date, because it was St. Patrick's Day then. I've JUST begun to get over him, and an anniversary like this is making it tempting to go back and look up things related to him. 

I also hope so much that I don't fall for another actor (or even character) so hard ever again. Or any other man in my ordinary real life, which would be worse if not a celebrity. Today and last night I spent some time with my real mom friends in real life, and it was very fulfilling. We tried out a winter sport (still snow here, yes), and ate yummy food and had deep, meaningful talks. One friend of mine had suffered the worst tragedy imaginable several years back- the suicide of her own child. We talked about our religious faith we all share, God, and we all emotionally supported her because she's nearing an anniversary.

I feel fortunate that the only thing that's 'broken my heart' over the last year was a shameful feeling of extramarital 'love' for a famous actor! It really brought me down to earth, and the realization that there is nothing wrong with my life. Others- like my older friend whose child committed suicide- have suffered intensely. Really puts it in perspective.

However, I DON'T mean to minimize the pain of CO's. I DO believe that it's a symptom of a greater pain and depression. We all need to work on the inner source and true reason, which for most is loneliness and low self esteem.

I'm available for you if you want to write to me, or post anywhere. (hugs)

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4 minutes ago, imalittleteapot said:

I'm so sorry, @nikki114 Are you developing a new CO? Or is it revived feelings for a former one?

I'm reading this board again to day to stay strong, because today is an 'anniversary day!' It was one year ago today that I fell so hard for the CO I had through most of the year in 2017. Yes, I remember the exact date, because it was St. Patrick's Day then. I've JUST begun to get over him, and an anniversary like this is making it tempting to go back and look up things related to him. 

I also hope so much that I don't fall for another actor (or even character) so hard ever again. Or any other man in my ordinary real life, which would be worse if not a celebrity. Today and last night I spent some time with real friends in real life, and it was very fulfilling. We tried out a winter sport (still snow here, yes), and ate yummy food and had deep, meaningful talks. One friend of mine had suffered the worst tragedy imaginable several years back- the suicide of her own child. We talked about our religious faith we all share, God, and we all emotionally supported her because she's nearing an anniversary.

I feel fortunate that the only thing that's 'broken my heart' over the last year was a shameful feeling of extramarital 'love' for a famous actor! It really brought me down to earth, and the realization that there is nothing wrong with my life. Others- like my older friend whose child committed suicide- have suffered intensely. Really puts it in perspective.

However, I DON'T mean to minimize the pain of CO's. I DO believe that it's a symptom of a greater pain and depression. We all need to work on the inner source and true reason, which for most is loneliness and low self esteem.

I'm available for you if you want to write to me, or post anywhere. (hugs)

No, it's the same person as before.

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