Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support

[Honey1992]

On 1/20/2018 at 10:57 PM, cassis_creme said:

I just wanted to say thank you HeatherG and imalittleteapot and nikki114 for your kind and welcoming messages. And thank you to anyone else out there who may have just read the message. I've felt the celebrity shipping thing for quite some time but didn't try to put it into words until recently...and it helps to know that I'm not alone 

To anyone else who's dealt with the shipping: has participating in the fandom shifted your perception of your interest in the ship or on CO in general? imalittleteapot mentioned writing fic and Honey1992 mentioned blogs, etc. (though those involved may or may not think of their involvement as CSO). I find that I enjoy getting excited with other fans over shippy moments...maybe even more than the ship itself(!) Now that I type that, perhaps all of it ties more to a need for friendship as opposed to a romantic relationship. There's something special about being able to connect with so many people whose faces you may never see but who feel just the way you do when they see a glance or hear a comment or view an instagram post/selfie or fan art. If anything, I've found that being part of fandom, even in a small way, helps me feel less like some lowly creature staring up at a perfect god (or gods)...it's not how everyone feels, but some of us do. It has all the perks of solo CO-ing minus some of the comparison stuff I can find myself getting into (e.g.- he's so generous with his time and energetic enough to work hard and still do charity events...while I had to drag myself through the basics of being a healthy, functional human being today).

I've shared a lot of common things with you. I've never been in a serious relationship in my 26 year of existence. It was always one sided love. There is a boy loved me once, but I didn't love him back. He already settled down. I can't even remember how many guys I hoped to know more and be in relationship but all of them seems ignoring me. 

I always downgraded myself, thinking that I'm not pretty, compared to other girls. I have 4 good close friends but in our circle, I'm the only one without having car or boyfriend. That's making me feel like some kind of loser even though my friends never insulted me. We also rarely hanging out since one of them is getting engaged. 

Being lack in those things above, I always find my own happiness in my CO little "big" world. Last year July, I'm having a war with him. Now, I can safely say that I've made peace with it (although not entirely sure for how long). I only realized that I've become like this due to being lonely last year. Previously, I didn't notice at all. 

I've tried to avoid Internet best as I can. I watched his old TV series and creating fanfic from it. So far, it is fine with me. 

Its true what you've said. It's harmful in the long run but as long as we can find a way to manage it, and not letting it gives bad effect on our daily lives and emotion, I think it all will be just fine. It's going to take time. 

[Honey1992]

5 hours ago, nosleep said:

Hello all

I'm new here, came here via a google search about getting over a celebrity crush. 

The one I'm dealing with now...it's not the first, but it feels like the most important one. But then, I guess they always do.  

He's not even a "real" celebrity, so much as an internet celebrity, a sketch comedy performer.  Funny thing is, my last crush was on another man in the comedy troupe, but then I had a dream about being in love the this new one, and when I woke up, my feelings had transferred over to him, only 100x more intense. 

I don't see him as idealized or perfect - he's flawed and troubled and open with his mental health struggles and family drama - and that just makes him even more attractive to me.  He has a long term girlfriend, and he clearly is very much in love with her - and that just makes me want to seduce him away from her even more.  I spend literally all day and night thinking of him. I'm a chronic insomniac, and now my obsession with him is just another thing keeping me awake at night. I'm currently unemployed, and with this and my anxiety and depression, I can't find any joy in my life at all - it's like there's no escape from thoughts from him. Not that I'm sure I actually want to escape. 

Thing is - I have an incredibly loving, supportive husband. He's a wonderful, wonderful man. And it sickens me that I allow myself to form these attachments. I know I'll never meet this man, no matter how convoluted and detailed my fantasies of finding a way to make it happen are.

I just wish I could see past it. I wish I could get him out of my head. I know it's not real love, it's infatuation. I'm a middle aged woman (and he's 10 years younger, incidentally).  I don't suppose anyone here has any magic answers, but I haven't told anyone about this before, and I'm hoping that just getting it off of my chest will help me move forward, even just a little bit. 

Hi, 

I want you to know that you're not alone in this. You can always take your time reading on others post and you will see that you can relate to anyone around here. 

I understand the feeling of uneasy and stressful that you might having right now. But as for me, I've first analyzed why I have such feeling and by knowing the reason, I can find a way (or a temporary way) to make myself feel better about it. I've discovered it was mainly due to loneliness and being lack in so many areas of my social life. It could also be caused by stress (work or personal stress). However, each person has different issues. 

As you've said that you have a loving husband, then I'm not sure why you're having this infatuation. I believe everyone has their secret imagination or fantasy, but if it makes you feel worse, then it's not good for you. I hope you will find a way to sort it out. 

[HopelessRomantic2011]

On 1/21/2018 at 11:47 PM, Honey1992 said:

I've shared a lot of common things with you. I've never been in a serious relationship in my 26 year of existence. It was always one sided love. There is a boy loved me once, but I didn't love him back. He already settled down. I can't even remember how many guys I hoped to know more and be in relationship but all of them seems ignoring me. 

I always downgraded myself, thinking that I'm not pretty, compared to other girls. I have 4 good close friends but in our circle, I'm the only one without having car or boyfriend. That's making me feel like some kind of loser even though my friends never insulted me. We also rarely hanging out since one of them is getting engaged. 

Being lack in those things above, I always find my own happiness in my CO little "big" world. Last year July, I'm having a war with him. Now, I can safely say that I've made peace with it (although not entirely sure for how long). I only realized that I've become like this due to being lonely last year. Previously, I didn't notice at all. 

I've tried to avoid Internet best as I can. I watched his old TV series and creating fanfic from it. So far, it is fine with me. 

Its true what you've said. It's harmful in the long run but as long as we can find a way to manage it, and not letting it gives bad effect on our daily lives and emotion, I think it all will be just fine. It's going to take time. 

I understand how you feel about being the odd one out in your circle of friends. I feel the same way, not that I had really close friends to begin with, but I feel like we’ve grown further apart since they’re now engaged, married, pregnant or already have kids. I don’t feel like I have anything in common with them anymore and they probably feel the same way. 

[OpalP25]

I've come here to give a (possibly final) update on how things are going for me. I recently realised that I've reached the stage of no longer being obsessed with the celebrity who brought me to this thread. 

Some other posters (including the OP) have come back over the years to report that they've managed to move on from their obsession, and it always made me happy and hopeful to read those posts. Maybe this post will bring a bit of hope to some of you that things can improve.

Becoming CO free was not a conscious decision, but rather a result of some positive changes in my life over the last six months. In fact, this time last year, I thought it was more than likely that the obsession would continue for several more years if not forever. 

Having strong romantic feelings for someone who doesn't know you exist may seem completely irrational to many people, but for me it made total sense. I thought it would be impossible for me to ever experience a real romance and this was my way of dealing with that. Sometimes there were moments when I felt that this behaviour wasn't healthy, but I saw no way out. My life was lacking fulfillment romantically and socially, and therefore I both wanted and needed my CO very badly.

As I've mentioned before on this thread, I ended up meeting someone this summer and falling for him hard. Our relationship certainly hasn't been a perfect fairytale but it has been amazing in so many ways. Not only have I moved on from my CO, but I have also finally got over my resentment towards couples.

I am still a fan of my CO and still look for news about him fairly regularly. The difference is that I don't have that obsessive compulsive need to look for info anymore. He is a great person, but there is no need for him to occupy such a large amount of my thoughts and feelings when I play no part in his life whatsoever.

Well, that's about all I wanted to say. I wish everyone here good luck and I hope you will all find what you're looking for. 

[HopelessRomantic2011]

5 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

I've come here to give a (possibly final) update on how things are going for me. I recently realised that I've reached the stage of no longer being obsessed with the celebrity who brought me to this thread. 

Some other posters (including the OP) have come back over the years to report that they've managed to move on from their obsession, and it always made me happy and hopeful to read those posts. Maybe this post will bring a bit of hope to some of you that things can improve.

Becoming CO free was not a conscious decision, but rather a result of some positive changes in my life over the last six months. In fact, this time last year, I thought it was more than likely that the obsession would continue for several more years if not forever. 

Having strong romantic feelings for someone who doesn't know you exist may seem completely irrational to many people, but for me it made total sense. I thought it would be impossible for me to ever experience a real romance and this was my way of dealing with that. Sometimes there were moments when I felt that this behaviour wasn't healthy, but I saw no way out. My life was lacking fulfillment romantically and socially, and therefore I both wanted and needed my CO very badly.

As I've mentioned before on this thread, I ended up meeting someone this summer and falling for him hard. Our relationship certainly hasn't been a perfect fairytale but it has been amazing in so many ways. Not only have I moved on from my CO, but I have also finally got over my resentment towards couples.

I am still a fan of my CO and still look for news about him fairly regularly. The difference is that I don't have that obsessive compulsive need to look for info anymore. He is a great person, but there is no need for him to occupy such a large amount of my thoughts and feelings when I play no part in his life whatsoever.

Well, that's about all I wanted to say. I wish everyone here good luck and I hope you will all find what you're looking for. 

Good to hear from you @OpalP25! I am glad that things are going well for you and that you are mentally and emotionally in a good place. :)

[Javaaddict]

 Mind you I don’t consider myself attractive as I’m a big girl so I did not expect anything to anyway. I don’t party, don’t drink so when I do it hits hard and my shy introverted self becomes a huge flirt.  I was hanging all over my co. Anyway this really pretty chick showed up and was trying to hook up with him and she kept diverting him away from me to tell him where to meet her I suppose. Usually he’d go back to us and talk more till she showed up again. It made me feel like garbage, a fat ugly cow. I don’t expect him to have any interest in me and that’s fine but with my already low self esteem this just destroyed me and it’s been bothering me. I don’t know if he ever did meet up with her and it’s hurting to think about it.  his security guy walked him out as they had to leave. Maybe it’s jealously because I’m not pretty like her and he’d rather sleep with her and not want to be around me. I kept going on and on to the security how I was just ugly and not good enough and they were like “it’s not that”.  Ugh what the heck is wrong with me. I hate feeling like this, I should not be feeling like this. 

[BlueStarr]

@Javaaddict,

First of all, I wasn't there, so I don't know what really happened, but judging by my own insecurity, I know that insecurity can make a person see things differently than they really are. Just because a girl is pretty doesn't mean she couldn't be an annoying pest. You say your CO kept coming back to talk to you, but then the girl came along to grab his attention. Well, one could speculate that he really wanted to come back to you, but the girl made it impossible. That doesn't mean he liked the girl better just because he had to respond to her persistence. Also, the security guy told you that it's NOT that you're not good enough.

It sounds like he talked to the girl, or rather, she talked to HIM, and then security came and took him away. That doesn't mean that your CO and the girl went off together. You didn't see what happened so don't torture yourself with a worst case scenario. In my opinion, it's much more likely that the girl was bothering him, he was too polite to tell her to "F" off, so security came along and took him away, and he didn't have any more time to talk to you, or anybody else. That's usually what happens with celebrities. Sometimes groupies hang around, so maybe the girl was a groupie and he already kind of knew her. But it's more likely that she was just an aggressive, annoying person and security got rid of her by removing him from the situation so that he wouldn't have to be in the position of being rude to a fan.

Edited January 27, 2018 by BlueStarr

[Javaaddict]

14 minutes ago, BlueStarr said:

 

My friend thinks she was prob hitting on all the different rock stars hanging around looking to get with them all.   He already knows us, he just saw an ugly side of me. 

Edited January 27, 2018 by Javaaddict

[BlueStarr]

18 minutes ago, Javaaddict said:

My friend thinks she was prob hitting on all the different rock stars hanging around looking to get with them all.   He already knows us, he just saw an ugly side of me. 

Just because she's hitting on him, that doesn't mean he is interested. Celebrities get thousands of offers every day. It doesn't sound like it went anywhere.

He knows you? Well, I think you're lucky to know your CO. Nah, I don't think he saw an "ugly" side of you. Even if he did realize you were jealous, fans get jealous all the time, so he is used to it.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. People probably don't see you as you see yourself. If you need to talk more, we are here.

Edited January 27, 2018 by BlueStarr

[Javaaddict]

1 hour ago, BlueStarr said:

Just because she's hitting on him, that doesn't mean he is interested. Celebrities get thousands of offers every day. It doesn't sound like it went anywhere.

He knows you? Well, I think you're lucky to know your CO. Nah, I don't think he saw an "ugly" side of you. Even if he did realize you were jealous, fans get jealous all the time, so he is used to it.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. People probably don't see you as you see yourself. If you need to talk more, we are here.

He does. We are not friends and never will be but if he sees me, he knows who I am.  

[OpalP25]

Thank you @HopelessRomantic2011 ! 

[Honey1992]

On 1/26/2018 at 9:35 PM, OpalP25 said:

I've come here to give a (possibly final) update on how things are going for me. I recently realised that I've reached the stage of no longer being obsessed with the celebrity who brought me to this thread. 

Some other posters (including the OP) have come back over the years to report that they've managed to move on from their obsession, and it always made me happy and hopeful to read those posts. Maybe this post will bring a bit of hope to some of you that things can improve.

Becoming CO free was not a conscious decision, but rather a result of some positive changes in my life over the last six months. In fact, this time last year, I thought it was more than likely that the obsession would continue for several more years if not forever. 

Having strong romantic feelings for someone who doesn't know you exist may seem completely irrational to many people, but for me it made total sense. I thought it would be impossible for me to ever experience a real romance and this was my way of dealing with that. Sometimes there were moments when I felt that this behaviour wasn't healthy, but I saw no way out. My life was lacking fulfillment romantically and socially, and therefore I both wanted and needed my CO very badly.

As I've mentioned before on this thread, I ended up meeting someone this summer and falling for him hard. Our relationship certainly hasn't been a perfect fairytale but it has been amazing in so many ways. Not only have I moved on from my CO, but I have also finally got over my resentment towards couples.

I am still a fan of my CO and still look for news about him fairly regularly. The difference is that I don't have that obsessive compulsive need to look for info anymore. He is a great person, but there is no need for him to occupy such a large amount of my thoughts and feelings when I play no part in his life whatsoever.

Well, that's about all I wanted to say. I wish everyone here good luck and I hope you will all find what you're looking for. 

Hi there. 

I'm so happy to hear about your progress. I believe that the good things happening in your life right now fills the emptiness that previously was for your CO. I wish everything will going to better for you. 

I have few things that I've interested to ask you if you don't mind, how long actually you've been dealing with this issue? Particularly with this CO?

And second, you're still checking over his news regularly? 

[Honey1992]

I'm having a war again with my feelings. 

Just two days ago, I log on to Youtube to search for new songs. And my CO latest interview video for talk show popping up. I can't ignore it and I clicked it. Today, I've done and repeated my bad habit which is Googling him. Haiz....

Don't know why, it makes me so sad. 

[OpalP25]

Thank you for your kind words @Honey1992! 

I have had COs since I was nearly 12, and my obsession with the celebrity who brought me to this thread started three years after that. It was very intense for seven years, and I only started to get over him last summer. 

I have always been an obsessive person (still am) but the romantic obsessions with famous people first came about as a way of coping with several negative life changes that all happened pretty much at the same time. And I carried on using this coping mechanism for a decade in order to deal with my social anxiety and lack of success with boys. 

I've been able to make a lot of personal progress over the last six months (first relationship with someone I'm attracted to, living abroad for the first time, first "proper" job) and that has allowed me to gain some confidence. The social anxiety is still something I'm struggling with, but I'm getting there gradually.

And yes, I do still check for news of my CO regularly. I also still think of him at least a few times per day, but I think that's to be expected. After all, he was basically constantly on my mind for seven years and that's not an exaggeration. Now I enjoy seeing what he gets up to, but I no longer feel this obsessive need to know everything about him.

I'm sorry that you're having a struggle with your feelings at the moment. Have you figured out the root cause for why you have a CO? Maybe that could be the first step towards solving the problem.

[Honey1992]

19 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

Thank you for your kind words @Honey1992! 

I have had COs since I was nearly 12, and my obsession with the celebrity who brought me to this thread started three years after that. It was very intense for seven years, and I only started to get over him last summer. 

I have always been an obsessive person (still am) but the romantic obsessions with famous people first came about as a way of coping with several negative life changes that all happened pretty much at the same time. And I carried on using this coping mechanism for a decade in order to deal with my social anxiety and lack of success with boys. 

I've been able to make a lot of personal progress over the last six months (first relationship with someone I'm attracted to, living abroad for the first time, first "proper" job) and that has allowed me to gain some confidence. The social anxiety is still something I'm struggling with, but I'm getting there gradually.

And yes, I do still check for news of my CO regularly. I also still think of him at least a few times per day, but I think that's to be expected. After all, he was basically constantly on my mind for seven years and that's not an exaggeration. Now I enjoy seeing what he gets up to, but I no longer feel this obsessive need to know everything about him.

I'm sorry that you're having a struggle with your feelings at the moment. Have you figured out the root cause for why you have a CO? Maybe that could be the first step towards solving the problem.

Hi again.

So you have been dealing with the obsession for a long time. Actually I did mumbling on why I'm having all of this issue previously. And our background story is actually pretty much related. I think we're about the same age too. 

I've had different CO over the years. Since I was 11 actually. The current CO that I have is the strongest one. I've been admiring him since 2016 and I daresay that there are a lot of women on this planet have the same feelings towards him as I do. 

The most hurtful things about this obsession is when I saw him with his real life partners. The pain is some kind of something that could ruin and affecting me whole day. I always feel like there's a conversation on my head too. It's almost drove me mad. Luckily, I found this forum and can see that I'm not alone. or a freak. 

Having a CO is my coping mechanism too. Sometimes running towards the fantasy that I created is much more fun than my real life. But I do realize that all of it was only in my head. Besides my parents (which are loving and supportive), I lack in most part of my social life and career life. I don't have a boyfriend and never been lucky to have one. I guess that's the reason of me wanting my CO to be my boyfriend. Always feel like a loser in front of my friends due to my slow achievements. Almost can't see any achievement at all. But, I don't usually complaining. I always appreciate my life for what it is. 

I'm always struggling you know. Haha. Sometimes I told others (even in this forum) that they can face it all and be strong. That they can love their CO without feeling miserable. But Then, I was the one broken first. It's really hard.  

[perfectcircle77]

On 1/26/2018 at 1:35 PM, OpalP25 said:

I've come here to give a (possibly final) update on how things are going for me. I recently realised that I've reached the stage of no longer being obsessed with the celebrity who brought me to this thread. 

Some other posters (including the OP) have come back over the years to report that they've managed to move on from their obsession, and it always made me happy and hopeful to read those posts. Maybe this post will bring a bit of hope to some of you that things can improve.

Becoming CO free was not a conscious decision, but rather a result of some positive changes in my life over the last six months. In fact, this time last year, I thought it was more than likely that the obsession would continue for several more years if not forever. 

Having strong romantic feelings for someone who doesn't know you exist may seem completely irrational to many people, but for me it made total sense. I thought it would be impossible for me to ever experience a real romance and this was my way of dealing with that. Sometimes there were moments when I felt that this behaviour wasn't healthy, but I saw no way out. My life was lacking fulfillment romantically and socially, and therefore I both wanted and needed my CO very badly.

As I've mentioned before on this thread, I ended up meeting someone this summer and falling for him hard. Our relationship certainly hasn't been a perfect fairytale but it has been amazing in so many ways. Not only have I moved on from my CO, but I have also finally got over my resentment towards couples.

I am still a fan of my CO and still look for news about him fairly regularly. The difference is that I don't have that obsessive compulsive need to look for info anymore. He is a great person, but there is no need for him to occupy such a large amount of my thoughts and feelings when I play no part in his life whatsoever.

Well, that's about all I wanted to say. I wish everyone here good luck and I hope you will all find what you're looking for. 

Popping out of not posting for months to say that I'm really happy to read this, Opal. I hope this new relationship works out.  

[OpalP25]

Thank you so much @perfectcircle77! I don't know if this relationship will last forever (it is long distance at the moment and will be for a while) but I'm very happy to have met him.

It is really nice to see you round here again and I hope things are going well for you. 

[OpalP25]

@Honey1992 Your CO background story does sound very similar to mine. I can relate to the feeling you have of being slower at certain things than everyone else. 

Especially when it comes to love, it can be really hard when you seem to be one of the only ones missing out. It made me feel awful as a teenager to see other people having fun with boyfriends and girlfriends when none of my crushes liked me back. So much so that I eventually ended up dating someone who was totally wrong for me out of desperation. Needless to say, that was a huge mistake.

I would guess the reason you haven't had a boyfriend yet might be because you haven't wanted to date guys you're not interested in, and that's a very good thing. Surprising I know a few people apart from myself who have gone out with people they're not really into, whether that's out of desperation, boredom or just for a laugh! It's quite common, I think.

I'm sure you will meet someone great in real life eventually. Just being open to the possibility is a good start. 

[Honey1992]

On 1/31/2018 at 9:02 PM, OpalP25 said:

@Honey1992 Your CO background story does sound very similar to mine. I can relate to the feeling you have of being slower at certain things than everyone else. 

Especially when it comes to love, it can be really hard when you seem to be one of the only ones missing out. It made me feel awful as a teenager to see other people having fun with boyfriends and girlfriends when none of my crushes liked me back. So much so that I eventually ended up dating someone who was totally wrong for me out of desperation. Needless to say, that was a huge mistake.

I would guess the reason you haven't had a boyfriend yet might be because you haven't wanted to date guys you're not interested in, and that's a very good thing. Surprising I know a few people apart from myself who have gone out with people they're not really into, whether that's out of desperation, boredom or just for a laugh! It's quite common, I think.

I'm sure you will meet someone great in real life eventually. Just being open to the possibility is a good start. 

Thank you sweetie. I hope I will.

PS. I just downloaded my CO talk show interview from Youtube. The one I tell you about.  I know I shouldn't but I don't care. Ooops...

[anxiousE]

@nosleep ah, how nice that tagging does work on this site! ok, well I probably could stand to quote your message for reference for others, but it should still be easily searchable at the top of this page or the last if this starts a new page. At any rate..

This if for the whole group, but prompted by nosleep' post

Ok, I am feeling brave today, probably because I got some answers as to why I might have this, which it sounds like you are struggling with. Not sure if it is the same, but I have been researching so much lately and finally got the confirmation from my psychiatrist later this week that I do, in fact, have bipolar 2 disorder and that these love or infatuation things are an aspect of the disease. I am not sure if this is your case exactly, but your post hit closest to home for me. It was an internet "celebrity" and I am married and all that. Thing is, I was in a position to interact with this person for almost a year and then he stopped talking to me, leaving me confused about what i may have done. I mean, yea i had some warnings, but i that was just his friendly way of trying to establish boundaries, not that he would leave. I have actually been able to get away from obsessing about him too much anymore, like for the longest time, i would still follow his updates (well, as he doesnt update THAT often, i usually end up catching up even after about a month, but still maybe miss a few things. anyway) but am now finally getting into a position to let go a little. I just still find him so interesting and enriching to my life, but at the same time, being rejected makes me feel guilty for keeping at this, but... oh! and he is like publishing some stuff in the near future, or I have found some old stuff and i like am tempted with this idea of having that, but at the same time, i mean, I just fear the ethics of it or something. Make any sense? And i mean, I have sortof done this with actual celebrities too, not that i ever knew them though but just buying their stuff, but i mean it was less for simply buying something for the sheer sake of it and more because I was truly interested, or is that still the case with this current obsession or was the celebrity one the same as this and what is bad about it and/or what is ok, like where do I draw the line?

Ok, sorry, I guess that actually leaves more questions than answers. I guess the answer as to why I "need" this was answered, but now what to do about it still needs to be addressed. I feel like buying something, spending money on this obsession might be an issue...i don't know! So, thoughts anyone? And this is why I kinda have been following this thread. I wish all of you success in controlling or managing your obsessions. <3

[Honey1992]

Good day to all.

I hope you've had a great weekend. As for me,I really hate where I am right now.

I've been bothered a lot by this infatuation. It's not that previously it's never bothering me, but I feel the need to spit it out and had no one else to talk to. I hope I didn't bored you guys with my regular entry. 

My Co will have his latest movie released in July. The news about it is everywhere because it is a huge franchise. So, I can't help myself and I'm Googling him so much. I know, I shouldn't. But my heart disagreed with my head. The worst part of it is I keep reminded of his girlfriend because they met on the set of the new movie. 

I feel wanna jump to see all the updates cause I'm excited. But, 2 minutes after that, I feel sad and frustrated for not able to resist the temptations and making things worse for me. I didn't help myself at all. It's the combination of thrilled and frustration and it's chickening me. 

I hope I stay positive. 

[Honey1992]

I wrote "it's chickening me" on my last entry. It was supposed to be "chickening me".

See??? My head wasn't on the right track right now..................................................................

[Honey1992]

On 2/4/2018 at 4:40 AM, anxiousE said:

@nosleep ah, how nice that tagging does work on this site! ok, well I probably could stand to quote your message for reference for others, but it should still be easily searchable at the top of this page or the last if this starts a new page. At any rate..

This if for the whole group, but prompted by nosleep' post

Ok, I am feeling brave today, probably because I got some answers as to why I might have this, which it sounds like you are struggling with. Not sure if it is the same, but I have been researching so much lately and finally got the confirmation from my psychiatrist later this week that I do, in fact, have bipolar 2 disorder and that these love or infatuation things are an aspect of the disease. I am not sure if this is your case exactly, but your post hit closest to home for me. It was an internet "celebrity" and I am married and all that. Thing is, I was in a position to interact with this person for almost a year and then he stopped talking to me, leaving me confused about what i may have done. I mean, yea i had some warnings, but i that was just his friendly way of trying to establish boundaries, not that he would leave. I have actually been able to get away from obsessing about him too much anymore, like for the longest time, i would still follow his updates (well, as he doesnt update THAT often, i usually end up catching up even after about a month, but still maybe miss a few things. anyway) but am now finally getting into a position to let go a little. I just still find him so interesting and enriching to my life, but at the same time, being rejected makes me feel guilty for keeping at this, but... oh! and he is like publishing some stuff in the near future, or I have found some old stuff and i like am tempted with this idea of having that, but at the same time, i mean, I just fear the ethics of it or something. Make any sense? And i mean, I have sortof done this with actual celebrities too, not that i ever knew them though but just buying their stuff, but i mean it was less for simply buying something for the sheer sake of it and more because I was truly interested, or is that still the case with this current obsession or was the celebrity one the same as this and what is bad about it and/or what is ok, like where do I draw the line?

Ok, sorry, I guess that actually leaves more questions than answers. I guess the answer as to why I "need" this was answered, but now what to do about it still needs to be addressed. I feel like buying something, spending money on this obsession might be an issue...i don't know! So, thoughts anyone? And this is why I kinda have been following this thread. I wish all of you success in controlling or managing your obsessions. <3

I am sad to hear about your diagnosis even though I do not fully understand the disorder issue from clinical view. Before I did spent money buying things related to my CO. Expensive things. At that time, I can't properly think whether it's okay or not. I just knew I need to have it. But when my mind became clears a bit, I realized that some of the things was not worth the penny. So, I guess that's actually not very good and I stopped buying things. 

**I hope things will get better for you. 

[starbucksjunkee]

I have been having a hard time following all of the posts but I thank everyone that has shared their stories.  So glad to not be alone in this.  Josh Radnor's new show starts in March and it's going to be so hard not to watch it.  It's called Rise and it's about an English teacher who takes over the drama department at a high school.   Seems like the perfect fit for him.  I'm sure he'll do great.  I don't watch cable television at all anymore.  I just watch things on netflix and Amazon prime and occasionally will get a red box video or go to the theater when I'm sure I will like something and it won't trigger bad memories.  I have discovered this perfect song that's really popular right now.  Even though I didn't have a relationship with Josh ever, in my mind I have had one.  Look up the song I Hope You're Happy By Blue October on Youtube.  Maybe it will be some comfort to you.  It is to me.  That song, Josh's song with Ben Lee called Beloved, and You Can Go Your Own Way By Fleetwood Mac are very therapeutic for me as long as I listen to them when I'm at the gym so I don't think too much.  Maybe this post will help someone. 

I don't know.  I had to say something because I noticed someone said they've never been in a serious relationship...their relationships were always one sided.  I think that I'm the same way.  The last good decent guy with potential for long term than I dated was almost 14 years ago.  The only thing that keeps me hoping for a good guy some day is the fact that my cousin and her brother both met their true loves at 60.  Yeah, I would like to find someone before then, obviously but better late than never.   And now it's looking like never.  I did have three guys that asked me out in the last few years but they were so wrong for me in every way possible.  I couldn't let myself settle like I did for the 2 guys in 2009 and 2011 that both ended up making me nuts.   I guess that's why I got so crazy about Josh because on paper he seems perfect.  But I'm sure there are things about him I would not like and he could be paying someone to write his so called mailing list.  One guy took me over ten years to get over...and I realized he was the worst obsession I ever had.   He and I are still friends but we almost never talk anymore.  I took his phone number out of my phone.  It's very hard not to tell him everything that happened.  But if I did I'm sure he would freak out.  You never know.  He was always the one that got away.  But he could be gay for all I know.  Well, you guys can respond if you want.  I can't figure out how to get response messages on here but I'll do my best to follow as best I can.

[anxiousE]

On 2/4/2018 at 11:13 PM, Honey1992 said:

I am sad to hear about your diagnosis even though I do not fully understand the disorder issue from clinical view. Before I did spent money buying things related to my CO. Expensive things. At that time, I can't properly think whether it's okay or not. I just knew I need to have it. But when my mind became clears a bit, I realized that some of the things was not worth the penny. So, I guess that's actually not very good and I stopped buying things. 

**I hope things will get better for you. 

Don't fully understand because you don't have it (bipolar) or because of my "obsession" story? Sorry, I just am a little confused. I'm frustrated at this thought, not at you, but I've been thinking that it is probably not very good that if I buy things. I don't know! I've slowly been more and more putting this person out of my mind, finally!!, but you know, they'll always be there. The next thing I have to say is kinda relating to what i want to say to starbucksjunkee...

On 2/7/2018 at 9:11 PM, starbucksjunkee said:

I have been having a hard time following all of the posts but I thank everyone that has shared their stories.  So glad to not be alone in this.  Josh Radnor's new show starts in March and it's going to be so hard not to watch it.  It's called Rise and it's about an English teacher who takes over the drama department at a high school.   Seems like the perfect fit for him.  I'm sure he'll do great.  I don't watch cable television at all anymore.  I just watch things on netflix and Amazon prime and occasionally will get a red box video or go to the theater when I'm sure I will like something and it won't trigger bad memories.  I have discovered this perfect song that's really popular right now.  Even though I didn't have a relationship with Josh ever, in my mind I have had one.  Look up the song I Hope You're Happy By Blue October on Youtube.  Maybe it will be some comfort to you.  It is to me.  That song, Josh's song with Ben Lee called Beloved, and You Can Go Your Own Way By Fleetwood Mac are very therapeutic for me as long as I listen to them when I'm at the gym so I don't think too much.  Maybe this post will help someone. 

I don't know.  I had to say something because I noticed someone said they've never been in a serious relationship...their relationships were always one sided.  I think that I'm the same way.  The last good decent guy with potential for long term than I dated was almost 14 years ago.  The only thing that keeps me hoping for a good guy some day is the fact that my cousin and her brother both met their true loves at 60.  Yeah, I would like to find someone before then, obviously but better late than never.   And now it's looking like never.  I did have three guys that asked me out in the last few years but they were so wrong for me in every way possible.  I couldn't let myself settle like I did for the 2 guys in 2009 and 2011 that both ended up making me nuts.   I guess that's why I got so crazy about Josh because on paper he seems perfect.  But I'm sure there are things about him I would not like and he could be paying someone to write his so called mailing list.  One guy took me over ten years to get over...and I realized he was the worst obsession I ever had.   He and I are still friends but we almost never talk anymore.  I took his phone number out of my phone.  It's very hard not to tell him everything that happened.  But if I did I'm sure he would freak out.  You never know.  He was always the one that got away.  But he could be gay for all I know.  Well, you guys can respond if you want.  I can't figure out how to get response messages on here but I'll do my best to follow as best I can.

Hey there! Yeah, I can't always keep up either, but I read this one. I wanted to say something about the relationships. While I did say that I was now married, I did still have something of my past that had haunted me for many years, an old obsession in real life. I finally found some way of closure though. In my case, it was to find someone else who had the same "accent". It took a long time, but when I finally did, I began to "hear" that voice in the new person and didn't have the attachment with that one. Tricks like that have also helped me get over other losses, like just platonic friends, but yeah, then sometimes you become a bit obsessed with the substitutes, but those usually don't last as long, at least that has been my case. I dunno. Hugs to anyone who needs em!

Edited February 10, 2018 by anxiousE