Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support

[HeatherG]

4 hours ago, SophieViolet95 said:

@HeatherG I know it's probably not love in that way, I'm aware of that. But it feels like it in some ways.

I too am hopefully seeing a psychologist soon I'll probably be able to manage it more.

I wouldn't say it was unhealthy for me. It's certainly a pain sometimes, in the way that I just wish it wasn't so intense. But they help me, they're sometimes the only thing to fill my emptiness.

Anyway, I hope your psychologists appointments go well. 

@Audrey822 It's always comforting to know that I am not alone in feeling like this. 

Sophie,

Oh honey it definitely feels like love.  If I even know what that is. 

I absolutely 100% agree with everything you are saying.  It's a pain, the intensity is unyielding -- and my emptiness is unbelievable.  

[nikki114]

People love how certain celebrities make them feel.  Or you love the image they portray, not the whole person.  If you can, you find others ways to get into their psyches as much as you can.

 

@HopelessRomantic2011:  My experience with guys is really limited too.  I was in love with someone in high school, but it was one-sided.  Pretty much all my experiences with love, lust, infatuation etc. are one-sided.  Or the guy likes me, but I don't like him back.   Or he did like me, but I managed to screw it up somehow.  Unintentionally, of course.  I had a little something going on with a guy on-line, but then I just got scared and backed away.  Only my best friend knew about that.

 

I'm scared of men and of relationships.  I've seen too many bad ones, and I'm kind of an independent person.  I'm a very picky girl.

[Audrey822]

3 hours ago, nikki114 said:

People love how certain celebrities make them feel.  Or you love the image they portray, not the whole person.  If you can, you find others ways to get into their psyches as much as you can.

 

You guys can ignore my response to the question if you like, but I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t ignore it to the point of generalizing how “people” feel about celebrities or by suggesting it’s necessary to be in a relationship with someone for a certain length of time in order to feel love for that person. I had a meeting with my CO...but that wasn’t necessary to know how I felt about him. 

All of you have admitted you have limited or no experience with love or relationships. I have had experience with love in real life. And I’ve told you how I feel about my CO. No one else can say how another person feels, or why they love someone. You don’t know my mind or my heart, so it’s impossible for you to challenge that or speak for me.

 

[HopelessRomantic2011]

4 hours ago, nikki114 said:

People love how certain celebrities make them feel.  Or you love the image they portray, not the whole person.  If you can, you find others ways to get into their psyches as much as you can.

 

@HopelessRomantic2011:  My experience with guys is really limited too.  I was in love with someone in high school, but it was one-sided.  Pretty much all my experiences with love, lust, infatuation etc. are one-sided.  Or the guy likes me, but I don't like him back.   Or he did like me, but I managed to screw it up somehow.  Unintentionally, of course.  I had a little something going on with a guy on-line, but then I just got scared and backed away.  Only my best friend knew about that.

 

I'm scared of men and of relationships.  I've seen too many bad ones, and I'm kind of an independent person.  I'm a very picky girl.

Yup, I can relate. It’s definitely been hard for me to find someone where the feelings were mutual. I dated someone for almost a year and a half, and while he was a nice guy, I don’t feel like I was ever in love with him. It’s easier for me to just be single than to be with someone who I don’t really feel much for just so that I won’t be alone. It can definitely be lonely being single, but I don’t want to be with someone who I don’t really feel a strong connection with.

Edited January 15, 2018 by HopelessRomantic2011

[nikki114]

40 minutes ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Yup, I can relate. It’s definitely been hard for me to find someone where the feelings were mutual. I dated someone for almost a year and a half, and while he was a nice guy, I don’t feel like I was ever in love with him. It’s easier for me to just be single than to be with someone who I don’t really feel much for just so that I won’t be alone. It can definitely be lonely being single, but I don’t want to be with someone who I don’t really feel a strong connection with.

@Audrey822:  I apologize.  I didn't mean to hurt you. 

 

@HopelessRomantic2011: Same here.

[Audrey822]

Just now, nikki114 said:

@Audrey822:  I apologize.  I didn't mean to hurt you. 

You didn’t, and no apology necessary.  This misunderstanding has happened before. I just wanted to make my own feelings clear on this again. 

[Honey1992]

On 1/15/2018 at 0:22 AM, Audrey822 said:

I’ll keep your Dad in my thoughts and prayers.  Please let us know how he’s doing when you can. 

@Audrey822 @HeatherG Thank you for your support. Yesterday is a very long day and I'm super tired to come back to work today. But, It's my dad and what I'm going through right now is a lot lesser than what he had sacrificed for me. I'm happy I got an extra love for you all. 

Back to my CO, actually I check him online twice (Oopss). But, nothing harmful. I was checking 30 seconds only because I missed him. So, I put back my phone and do other things. And enjoying him much as I can in the way possible not to hurt me. I did it. 

@SophieViolet95 Oh I definitely love him. I do not want to think much whether this is an infatuation or unhealthy obsession. I don't take my mind that far.

 

[Honey1992]

10 hours ago, Honey1992 said:

@Audrey822 @HeatherG Thank you for your support. Yesterday is a very long day and I'm super tired to come back to work today. But, It's my dad and what I'm going through right now is a lot lesser than what he had sacrificed for me. I'm happy I got an extra love for you all. 

Back to my CO, actually I check him online twice (Oopss). But, nothing harmful. I was checking 30 seconds only because I missed him. So, I put back my phone and do other things. And enjoying him much as I can in the way possible not to hurt me. I did it. 

Hi @SophieViolet95 , I totally can relate to your stories in every way. It feels like a real love. I feel like I love him more than anyone in this world. even deep down inside my heart, I know that this isn't right. With the help of new friends in this forum (especially @Audrey822 ), I learned to take this thing positively. At first, I want to get rid of him due to so much pain that I've felt. I truly felt like breaking up with someone. But I was incapable of doing that as I do need him terribly. I kept his pictures or videos that I saved into my laptop and I didn't open it. I put away his pictures that I previously hanged it in a frame (yeah, I did that,it's quite creepy, hehe). One thing that I still do since my first attempt in forgetting him since July 2017 is watching his movies/tv series. It doesn't hurt me. I'm enjoying it. And I admitted the reason for me needing him because this fantasy is sweeter than real life. I can run a while from all kinds of pain that I feel when I'm awake. Even some people would find this crazy, I think that it's the one thing that helps me going through my bitter life. It did helps me. It truly did, for me.
I didn't want to look at it as infatuation or unhealthy obsession. Also I truly understand that fantasy is not a real life. But, nothing harmful having a dream, right?

At least for now.

Same as you, I'm also single and yet had a chance to be in mutual relationship. I don't reject men and I hope I will find one really good man one day. 

The other same thing that I shares with you that I also had same routines every day. And I also had a different CO. But the latest one that I had since 2016 is so far the strongest of them all. Others doesn't feel this way. 

 

Edited January 16, 2018 by Honey1992

[Honey1992]

10 hours ago, Honey1992 said:

 

[cassis_creme]

Hello, it’s been a little while since my last message, and although the CO I described in it has since waned, there are some thoughts that I wanted to ask about.

Has anyone ever had a CO that was a “ship” or celebrity couple (real or imagined)?

I have had COs in the past and, while there has usually been at least a tiny undercurrent of imagining him as my partner, it’s never been the driving force behind the attraction. Yet I’ve recognized that my own CO pattern has always been driven by loneliness and isolation. Another aspect of this seems to be in fixating on the CO as an inherently loveable human being deserving of care and intimacy…and delighting in the thought of him receiving that care, even if it is not from me. In my case, this is always imagined intimacy.

Right now, I don’t have anything that I’d say is a full-on “CSO” (“celebrity ship obsession”- hehe)…but I can “go there” from time to time. There’s one that’ s a hugely popular “ship” on the internet- fanfiction, artwork, comments, even the celebrities themselves playing into it from time to time. They’re not publically a couple…but there are plenty of people who analyze every glance, every comment, and say that they most certainly are. I myself am not overly concerned with whether they are or aren’t…what feeds my heart is imagining the intimacy between them, even if it’s just that sort of deep friendship where you completely accept the other person.

As for my own relationship life…I’ve come to accept that I will be alone for a while and possibly for the rest of my life. Internet dating has become the norm and I am simply not a particularly marketable package when it comes to any man who will be shopping for “options” on a website. I don’t have a neat little tagline that I can summarize my life with, I don’t have a sparkling job, nor am I solidly upper middle class or even middle class (which seems to be the norm when it comes to internet dating sites). While my appearance is decent, I have better months and months where I struggle. I have mild bouts of depression and am sometimes overwhelmed by even simple, every day tasks…so I’m not exactly rushing out to have children. I may end up focusing a bit more in my career for the next several years, which would make dating difficult on top of everything else.

On top of all that, I live in a very isolating area (though this may be attributed somewhat to age) and the likelihood of my meeting someone organically is extremely slim. Yet I’ve realized that, if it were to happen, it would have to involve getting to know someone without that expectation, and then perhaps considering whether or not it’s a match relationship-wise. And that might not happen for a while- if ever. I’m not being down on myself- I’m just being honest and realistic.

Friendship is a similar situation (energy issues, marketable package, not middle or upper middle class, etc.). I used to have friends. I don’t anymore. I’m kinda OK with this as an introvert with the above issues. But sometimes it does make me feel like a bit of a looney toon(!), like maybe there’s something deeply wrong with me and that’s why I’m so isolated. Sometimes it’s hard. It can be lonely.

When I’m weak, it can be easy to indulge in CSO (“celebrity ship obsession”)…scroll through social media posts of him glancing at this other person, write ship-y comments, even read some fic (which is almost a masochistic thing for me, reading about deep, passionate, idealized intimacy that I- and, perhaps even the CS itself- could never have). But I know that this is harmful to me in the long run, whether I ever pursue another relationship or not. It does give me that warm, safety raft feeling in a harsh world…but I never want to linger too long.

Have any of you made peace with CSO and found a useful balance for honoring that part of you that craves intimacy but may never find it (even in friendship)?

 

 

Edited January 16, 2018 by cassis_creme

[HeatherG]

post

Edited January 16, 2018 by HeatherG

[HeatherG]

1 hour ago, cassis_creme said:

Hello, it’s been a little while since my last message, and although the CO I described in it has since waned, there are some thoughts that I wanted to ask about.

Has anyone ever had a CO that was a “ship” or celebrity couple (real or imagined)?

I have had COs in the past and, while there has usually been at least a tiny undercurrent of imagining him as my partner, it’s never been the driving force behind the attraction. Yet I’ve recognized that my own CO pattern has always been driven by loneliness and isolation. Another aspect of this seems to be in fixating on the CO as an inherently loveable human being deserving of care and intimacy…and delighting in the thought of him receiving that care, even if it is not from me. In my case, this is always imagined intimacy.

Right now, I don’t have anything that I’d say is a full-on “CSO” (“celebrity ship obsession”- hehe)…but I can “go there” from time to time. There’s one that’ s a hugely popular “ship” on the internet- fanfiction, artwork, comments, even the celebrities themselves playing into it from time to time. They’re not publically a couple…but there are plenty of people who analyze every glance, every comment, and say that they most certainly are. I myself am not overly concerned with whether they are or aren’t…what feeds my heart is imagining the intimacy between them, even if it’s just that sort of deep friendship where you completely accept the other person.

As for my own relationship life…I’ve come to accept that I will be alone for a while and possibly for the rest of my life. Internet dating has become the norm and I am simply not a particularly marketable package when it comes to any man who will be shopping for “options” on a website. I don’t have a neat little tagline that I can summarize my life with, I don’t have a sparkling job, nor am I solidly upper middle class or even middle class (which seems to be the norm when it comes to internet dating sites). While my appearance is decent, I have better months and months where I struggle. I have mild bouts of depression and am sometimes overwhelmed by even simple, every day tasks…so I’m not exactly rushing out to have children. I may end up focusing a bit more in my career for the next several years, which would make dating difficult on top of everything else.

On top of all that, I live in a very isolating area (though this may be attributed somewhat to age) and the likelihood of my meeting someone organically is extremely slim. Yet I’ve realized that, if it were to happen, it would have to involve getting to know someone without that expectation, and then perhaps considering whether or not it’s a match relationship-wise. And that might not happen for a while- if ever. I’m not being down on myself- I’m just being honest and realistic.

Friendship is a similar situation (energy issues, marketable package, not middle or upper middle class, etc.). I used to have friends. I don’t anymore. I’m kinda OK with this as an introvert with the above issues. But sometimes it does make me feel like a bit of a looney toon(!), like maybe there’s something deeply wrong with me and that’s why I’m so isolated. Sometimes it’s hard. It can be lonely.

When I’m weak, it can be easy to indulge in CSO (“celebrity ship obsession”)…scroll through social media posts of him glancing at this other person, write ship-y comments, even read some fic (which is almost a masochistic thing for me, reading about deep, passionate, idealized intimacy that I- and, perhaps even the CS itself- could never have). But I know that this is harmful to me in the long run, whether I ever pursue another relationship or not. It does give me that warm, safety raft feeling in a harsh world…but I never want to linger too long.

Have any of you made peace with CSO and found a useful balance for honoring that part of you that craves intimacy but may never find it (even in friendship)?

 

 

Hi Cassis Creme,

What you've written connects with me.  But I'd like to say first to not be so hard on yourself.  And you're not weak.  You're not weak.  Right now, most of us have these COs for whatever reasons, but it doesn't make us (you) weak, alright?  As far as the CSO, I can sort of identify because sometimes I'm super curious about my COs personal life/gf, they deny it but so many fans ship them and write fanfic about them.  You write this feels harmful to you?  But you also write that this gives you a warm safe feeling in this harsh world -- everything right there I connect with and completely understand.  Thank you for posting, I hope to hear more about how you're dealing with these feelings.  This is a safe place to share your thoughts and feelings.  Take care!  

[imalittleteapot]

6 hours ago, cassis_creme said:

 

Has anyone ever had a CO that was a “ship” or celebrity couple (real or imagined)?

I have had COs in the past and, while there has usually been at least a tiny undercurrent of imagining him as my partner, it’s never been the driving force behind the attraction. Yet I’ve recognized that my own CO pattern has always been driven by loneliness and isolation. Another aspect of this seems to be in fixating on the CO as an inherently loveable human being deserving of care and intimacy…and delighting in the thought of him receiving that care, even if it is not from me. In my case, this is always imagined intimacy.

Right now, I don’t have anything that I’d say is a full-on “CSO” (“celebrity ship obsession”- hehe)…but I can “go there” from time to time. There’s one that’ s a hugely popular “ship” on the internet- fanfiction, artwork, comments, even the celebrities themselves playing into it from time to time. They’re not publically a couple…but there are plenty of people who analyze every glance, every comment, and say that they most certainly are. I myself am not overly concerned with whether they are or aren’t…what feeds my heart is imagining the intimacy between them, even if it’s just that sort of deep friendship where you completely accept the other person.

 

 

 

I've definitely experienced the bolded over the last year! Except for me, it was more a fictional CHARACTER my CO played, NOT the actor himself.

Fortunately, I'm starting to spend much less time thinking of my CO *the actor*- I've been successfully avoiding all media of him over the last few weeks. Despite that, I STILL adore and feel attached to one of his characters. I've had a 'character ship obsession' which inspired me to write fanfiction. I could sympathize with my CO's character as this lovable, sweet muffin of a guy, who caught a bad break in the canon movie. He needed to be loved and comforted- but through another fictional character. I wanted this poor character to be happy and loved, so I wrote about it, and a lot of other people in the fandom wrote things along a similar line as well! There was even a minor 'ship war' between the ship I supported and the ship that I disagreed with because I thought it wouldn't jive with 'canon.' (LOL). And no, the character I shipped him with had nothing to do with me- because he was a man, not a woman! :)

I'm actually married (as I've said elsewhere in the thread) but my husband is busy and gone a lot, and I feel lonely in many aspects, probably friendship most of all. My CO is always seen in interviews being positive and bubbly, and goofy and laughing, and he's friends with all kinds of cool performers. So in a way, I'm jealous of him for the kind of friendships he has. (I've just been concerned lately that there would be rumors about him being 'flirty' with other celebs, just because of his overly affectionate and super-friendly personality.)

Edited January 16, 2018 by imalittleteapot

[nikki114]

@cassis_creme:  Welcome aboard!

 

I've shipped quite a few couples in my day--fictional and real.  A lot of the couples I like aren't even together anymore, but I wish they were.

[nikki114]

What do you when you cave?  I was doing so well too.

 

*sigh.....

[Honey1992]

Hello everyone. Good day.

Actually, I would like to point out that I'm very amazed with celebrity fans who make their own blog or fan club website dedicated to the celebrity. Every news even to the tiniest were uploaded into the blog. They feel more like a magazine itself and provide complete source of information every day. 

I do wonder if they actually a fan of that celebrity? I mean, what kind of a fan does he/she behind the website? Doesn't they feel offended when the news of the celeb's partner/gf came out? Or maybe they are the kind of manage to just love the celebrity without having any of the hurtful feelings we all get?

Because, people who run the website must have dedicated and focusing most of their time updating the news. It took someone with deep interest for the celebrity to do that, in my opinion. Or maybe there's a lot else I didn't know. 

xx

[HopelessRomantic2011]

14 hours ago, Honey1992 said:

Hello everyone. Good day.

Actually, I would like to point out that I'm very amazed with celebrity fans who make their own blog or fan club website dedicated to the celebrity. Every news even to the tiniest were uploaded into the blog. They feel more like a magazine itself and provide complete source of information every day. 

I do wonder if they actually a fan of that celebrity? I mean, what kind of a fan does he/she behind the website? Doesn't they feel offended when the news of the celeb's partner/gf came out? Or maybe they are the kind of manage to just love the celebrity without having any of the hurtful feelings we all get?

Because, people who run the website must have dedicated and focusing most of their time updating the news. It took someone with deep interest for the celebrity to do that, in my opinion. Or maybe there's a lot else I didn't know. 

xx

Every fan/admirer/supporter is different. Not everyone is going to feel jealousy because their favorite celebrity is in a relationship and even if they do feel some level of jealousy, it wouldn’t have to interfere with their ability to run a website.

[Honey1992]

10 hours ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Every fan/admirer/supporter is different. Not everyone is going to feel jealousy because their favorite celebrity is in a relationship and even if they do feel some level of jealousy, it wouldn’t have to interfere with their ability to run a website.

Hi, 

Yes, it's true also. Every time my CO has a new girlfriend, fans will be arguing on the website. Some will express their jealousy and hatred openly to the new girlfriend. Usually, I will keep quiet. Some will say, if you cannot let him be happy, you're not his true fan. This often hurts me. Because I do want to see my CO happy. I never dislike any woman he dated because he has every right to be with whoever he wants. It's his life after all.

But, the issue that I'm having is not whether I'm his true fans or not. It's the pain it gets me. The kind of pain which you all understand. 

Have a good day. 

[cassis_creme]

I just wanted to say thank you HeatherG and imalittleteapot and nikki114 for your kind and welcoming messages. And thank you to anyone else out there who may have just read the message. I've felt the celebrity shipping thing for quite some time but didn't try to put it into words until recently...and it helps to know that I'm not alone 

To anyone else who's dealt with the shipping: has participating in the fandom shifted your perception of your interest in the ship or on CO in general? imalittleteapot mentioned writing fic and Honey1992 mentioned blogs, etc. (though those involved may or may not think of their involvement as CSO). I find that I enjoy getting excited with other fans over shippy moments...maybe even more than the ship itself(!) Now that I type that, perhaps all of it ties more to a need for friendship as opposed to a romantic relationship. There's something special about being able to connect with so many people whose faces you may never see but who feel just the way you do when they see a glance or hear a comment or view an instagram post/selfie or fan art. If anything, I've found that being part of fandom, even in a small way, helps me feel less like some lowly creature staring up at a perfect god (or gods)...it's not how everyone feels, but some of us do. It has all the perks of solo CO-ing minus some of the comparison stuff I can find myself getting into (e.g.- he's so generous with his time and energetic enough to work hard and still do charity events...while I had to drag myself through the basics of being a healthy, functional human being today).

Edited January 20, 2018 by cassis_creme

[HeatherG]

1 hour ago, cassis_creme said:

I just wanted to say thank you HeatherG and imalittleteapot and nikki114 for your kind and welcoming messages. And thank you to anyone else out there who may have just read the message. I've felt the celebrity shipping thing for quite some time but didn't try to put it into words until recently...and it helps to know that I'm not alone 

To anyone else who's dealt with the shipping: has participating in the fandom shifted your perception of your interest in the ship or on CO in general? imalittleteapot mentioned writing fic and Honey1992 mentioned blogs, etc. (though those involved may or may not think of their involvement as CSO). I find that I enjoy getting excited with other fans over shippy moments...maybe even more than the ship itself(!) Now that I type that, perhaps all of it ties more to a need for friendship as opposed to a romantic relationship. There's something special about being able to connect with so many people whose faces you may never see but who feel just the way you do when they see a glance or hear a comment or view an instagram post/selfie or fan art. If anything, I've found that being part of fandom, even in a small way, helps me feel less like some lowly creature staring up at a perfect god (or gods)...it's not how everyone feels, but some of us do. It has all the perks of solo CO-ing minus some of the comparison stuff I can find myself getting into (e.g.- he's so generous with his time and energetic enough to work hard and still do charity events...while I had to drag myself through the basics of being a healthy, functional human being today).

Anytime Cassis_creme!  I don't participate in the fandom, but I use to read every word of it.  That feeling, yeah, when I'm reading a fan blog or that scary thing called tumblr,  then I realize I'm not the only person obsessed with this particular CO.  I realize, oh, there are fans so dedicated that they designed blogs, they blog all day about him, and on tumblr the size of this fan base is off the charts -- I'm like, okay, I'm not the only one.  It's not just me.

[nikki114]

@HeatherG, @cassis_creme:  Fandoms are crazy!  Yes, it's always good to know that you're not alone.  But more often than not, the fans end up ruining the celebrity for you, not making them better.  There are so many fights.  It's usually best to be singular.

 

 

At least, in my experience.....

Edited January 20, 2018 by nikki114

[imalittleteapot]

2 hours ago, HeatherG said:

Anytime Cassis_creme!  I don't participate in the fandom, but I use to read every word of it.  That feeling, yeah, when I'm reading a fan blog or that scary thing called tumblr,  then I realize I'm not the only person obsessed with this particular CO.  I realize, oh, there are fans so dedicated that they designed blogs, they blog all day about him, and on tumblr the size of this fan base is off the charts -- I'm like, okay, I'm not the only one.  It's not just me.

Yes, and I had to quit and block Tumblr because of it. It was feeding too much into the obsession to see all these other women and even teenage girls young enough to be my CO's daughter lusting over him. On one hand it was nice to see that I don't have weird taste, but on the other hand, it's saddening to see that he appeals to such a great variety of women. One tumblr blogger even said she wanted to 'have his babies.' I did not need to see that! 

I think I'm SLOWLY but SURELY getting over this CO! Thanks to one of my kids, I'm starting to re-ignite an interest in one of my old fandoms from years ago- that hugely popular book/movie series that I was into 10+ years ago. I'm getting back into it because my son now enjoys the books and movies- he missed out on all the big releases in the fandom's peak period because he wasn't born yet- so now I'm re-watching with him, re-reading, plus reading fanfics of it, and I'm enjoying it again! The annoying thing is that the lead actress in that series- is ALSO the star of my favorite movie from last year, (CO was in the cast) and when I see her I get slightly jealous because I remembered her cheek-to-cheek selfies my CO took with her. 

I remember having a little crush on a character from that fandom too, as well as the actor, who sadly passed away. He wasn't a CO but just an awesome actor and it made me sad to see him playing that role, knowing he's gone. :( 

[Helpme26]

On 16/1/2018 at 5:27 PM, cassis_creme said:

Hello, it’s been a little while since my last message, and although the CO I described in it has since waned, there are some thoughts that I wanted to ask about.

Has anyone ever had a CO that was a “ship” or celebrity couple (real or imagined)?

I have had COs in the past and, while there has usually been at least a tiny undercurrent of imagining him as my partner, it’s never been the driving force behind the attraction. Yet I’ve recognized that my own CO pattern has always been driven by loneliness and isolation. Another aspect of this seems to be in fixating on the CO as an inherently loveable human being deserving of care and intimacy…and delighting in the thought of him receiving that care, even if it is not from me. In my case, this is always imagined intimacy.

Right now, I don’t have anything that I’d say is a full-on “CSO” (“celebrity ship obsession”- hehe)…but I can “go there” from time to time. There’s one that’ s a hugely popular “ship” on the internet- fanfiction, artwork, comments, even the celebrities themselves playing into it from time to time. They’re not publically a couple…but there are plenty of people who analyze every glance, every comment, and say that they most certainly are. I myself am not overly concerned with whether they are or aren’t…what feeds my heart is imagining the intimacy between them, even if it’s just that sort of deep friendship where you completely accept the other person.

As for my own relationship life…I’ve come to accept that I will be alone for a while and possibly for the rest of my life. Internet dating has become the norm and I am simply not a particularly marketable package when it comes to any man who will be shopping for “options” on a website. I don’t have a neat little tagline that I can summarize my life with, I don’t have a sparkling job, nor am I solidly upper middle class or even middle class (which seems to be the norm when it comes to internet dating sites). While my appearance is decent, I have better months and months where I struggle. I have mild bouts of depression and am sometimes overwhelmed by even simple, every day tasks…so I’m not exactly rushing out to have children. I may end up focusing a bit more in my career for the next several years, which would make dating difficult on top of everything else.

On top of all that, I live in a very isolating area (though this may be attributed somewhat to age) and the likelihood of my meeting someone organically is extremely slim. Yet I’ve realized that, if it were to happen, it would have to involve getting to know someone without that expectation, and then perhaps considering whether or not it’s a match relationship-wise. And that might not happen for a while- if ever. I’m not being down on myself- I’m just being honest and realistic.

Friendship is a similar situation (energy issues, marketable package, not middle or upper middle class, etc.). I used to have friends. I don’t anymore. I’m kinda OK with this as an introvert with the above issues. But sometimes it does make me feel like a bit of a looney toon(!), like maybe there’s something deeply wrong with me and that’s why I’m so isolated. Sometimes it’s hard. It can be lonely.

When I’m weak, it can be easy to indulge in CSO (“celebrity ship obsession”)…scroll through social media posts of him glancing at this other person, write ship-y comments, even read some fic (which is almost a masochistic thing for me, reading about deep, passionate, idealized intimacy that I- and, perhaps even the CS itself- could never have). But I know that this is harmful to me in the long run, whether I ever pursue another relationship or not. It does give me that warm, safety raft feeling in a harsh world…but I never want to linger too long.

Have any of you made peace with CSO and found a useful balance for honoring that part of you that craves intimacy but may never find it (even in friendship)?

 

 

Hello, so lovely to hear from you - It's been a while since I posted here too, it's always good that we're able to just come back whenever we need it :) 

I've never had any sort of "Ship" regarding my Co. Though I recognize it a lot the fact that the obsession and loneliness seems to go hand in hand. It's always really tough dealing with loneliness and then battling the fantasies of your CO. I hope you're doing alright 

^ also!!! I KNOW EXACTLY how you feel. The dating world out there is kind of an horrific scene, and I've also come to terms with that I might not ever find someone. And it's tough. Because I do want to find someone, but all people I meet I end up comparing to my CO. It's not healthy I know, but I can imagine you must feel kind of the same way? Especially with so many Barstewards out there. No offence to men in general, but I happened to force myself out on the bar scene last night, and I'm so disappointing how many men are so informal now, they're downright rude, and not really much of gentlemen anymore. My CO however, is very much like an old fashioned gentleman. Which I love. Spontaneous and creative, and he always seem like a joy to be in a relationship with. 

I'm sorry you feel that way with your friendships too. There's nothing worse than feeling so lonely and having to retreat to a CO - your CSO in this case. 

I don't personally participate in the fandom of my CO, but I can definitely understand your issue. :( 

[BlueStarr]

I've "shipped" various characters on TV shows, but I've never been "obsessed" with a "ship" to the point of having serious problems about it since I was a kid. But when I was a little girl, around 8 or 9 years old, I did "ship" a couple on a TV show. They were depicted as being a couple who fought all the time, and I desperately wanted them to get along and love each other. I was so obsessed with it that I drove myself crazy to the point of being OCD about it! I also drove my family crazy too. I did get over it, but it was very distressing at the time.

Edited January 21, 2018 by BlueStarr

[nosleep]

Hello all

I'm new here, came here via a google search about getting over a celebrity crush. 

The one I'm dealing with now...it's not the first, but it feels like the most important one. But then, I guess they always do.  

He's not even a "real" celebrity, so much as an internet celebrity, a sketch comedy performer.  Funny thing is, my last crush was on another man in the comedy troupe, but then I had a dream about being in love the this new one, and when I woke up, my feelings had transferred over to him, only 100x more intense. 

I don't see him as idealized or perfect - he's flawed and troubled and open with his mental health struggles and family drama - and that just makes him even more attractive to me.  He has a long term girlfriend, and he clearly is very much in love with her - and that just makes me want to seduce him away from her even more.  I spend literally all day and night thinking of him. I'm a chronic insomniac, and now my obsession with him is just another thing keeping me awake at night. I'm currently unemployed, and with this and my anxiety and depression, I can't find any joy in my life at all - it's like there's no escape from thoughts from him. Not that I'm sure I actually want to escape. 

Thing is - I have an incredibly loving, supportive husband. He's a wonderful, wonderful man. And it sickens me that I allow myself to form these attachments. I know I'll never meet this man, no matter how convoluted and detailed my fantasies of finding a way to make it happen are.

I just wish I could see past it. I wish I could get him out of my head. I know it's not real love, it's infatuation. I'm a middle aged woman (and he's 10 years younger, incidentally).  I don't suppose anyone here has any magic answers, but I haven't told anyone about this before, and I'm hoping that just getting it off of my chest will help me move forward, even just a little bit.