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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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1 hour ago, nikki114 said:

Do certain fans online make you feel like a loser for your CO?  For having different opinions about certain parts of his or her life?  

Depending on who your CO is, it may not be uncommon to have conflicts with other fans. But you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel like a “loser” for having your own opinions.

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I've said before that my COs change a lot (we all deal with mental health or whatever differently) and now I appear to have found yet another one. 

This one sort of came out from nowhere. I had watched a show he was in and thought nothing for ages until suddenly he got my attention and now its spiralling fast as usual. 

But there's something different about how he makes me feel. My last few recent ones have all been married/in a relationship and I don't usually care. But with this one, I do. 

It's rare I have strong feelings towards my COs in the way this one is and I honestly don't know why. 

For some odd reason, it seems to be the English celebrities who do this. The last English celeb this happened to, I genuinely actually started to "fall in love" with him and it's happening again. My other COs are American and this doesn't happen.

For example, he's had scenes where he's kissed someone (he's an actor) and I actually die a little inside. When his character's are acting all lovey-dovey it makes me feel emotions that I don't usually feel. 

I don't know why it only happens with certain people and guaranteed I'll come back in a few months with the same thing. But this particular part of having COs is definitely new to me. 

My maladaptive daydreams come and go; they can be completely out of my head one minute and then something will trigger it and it starts off again. The triggers can be so small as well. 

Just needing somewhere to talk about it all again. 

Edited by SophieViolet95
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Oh those ****** gorgeous English actors!! Never really struggled with anything like this before until - like you - all of a sudden fell hard for this particular British actor. Saw the whole series of his show not thinking much except he's cute, but then when the show was over I think I missed seeing him and started looking him up which led to where I am now.

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4 minutes ago, alacroix said:

Oh those ****** gorgeous English actors!! Never really struggled with anything like this before until - like you - all of a sudden fell hard for this particular British actor. Saw the whole series of his show not thinking much except he's cute, but then when the show was over I think I missed seeing him and started looking him up which led to where I am now.

Yeah, this is pretty much exactly what happened with me. I watched the episodes he was in, then his character was killed and then I suddenly realised how much I missed that particular character and how much I found the actor attractive and just started being obsessed with his character and frequently re-watching the series he's in. Then all of a sudden, the actor just caught my attention and now I can't stop falling for him.

 

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@SophieViolet95 Good to see you again. I'm sorry you're struggling with another CO.

I keep wondering as soon as mine fades, that another one might start. @Audrey822 I know you want to help and I like your questions, they do make me think. I guess I do feel a strange kind of romantic love for my CO, even though it's love for a stranger from afar. I hate feeling like that and want to force myself to stop it. The last time I felt love for a stranger from afar, I obsessed over a guy online who wrote to me (starting because he wanted to sell me furniture.) Because my marriage was in a rough spot at the time (from 2012 to 2014) I developed an obsession with a married guy who was not a celebrity. 

In a way, I thought that celebrity crushes were better, because they were completely unobtainable. Heck, the guy I knew online and had EA feelings for in 2012/2013, I could've driven a few states away to visit him, but I did not! I stopped looking him and his family up on Facebook. That obsession faded away completely by the end of 2015. Slowly but surely, he left my mind. I still hope he's in a happy marriage too because the way he was so friendly and funny to me, you wonder if he might have been thinking 'affair.'

It was something that I feel horribly guilty about, because all that time my husband never KNEW, other than the fact I was withdrawn. I don't like the thought of having romantic feelings for any guy other than my hubby. I love my husband dearly, and we're invested in almost 25 years now all together. So having a celebrity crush that's this strong, unlike all the other celebrity crushes, feeling jealous of his significant other, feeling jealous of the co-actresses, is very confusing and I don't know why it started.

It started around February, when a movie I was excited about was soon to be released. I'd read a book that was a novelization of the movie, then I started looking up more about the actors, just because I loved the characters, and somehow became totally SMITTEN with two of them. I even visited this thread around that time, with the fear- 'Oh no! I'm getting what the Celebrity Obsession thread people talk about!' One was the gay actor, and I don't have feelings for him, he's just handsome- but the one that I fell hard for is the CO I have now.

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13 hours ago, nikki114 said:

Does it ever get to the point where you're actually afraid to research your CO?  

 

Or is it just me?

I am terrified to research or search, because he just seems more perfect and beautiful and I end up feeling more miserable.  It's not you.

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6 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

My heart broke for you as I read that. I know how it must have felt...everything was going along fine, getting news from your Twitter fan club and watching him on IG...until it wasn’t. And when it wasn’t, it was devastating...and there’s no going back to the way it used to be. :tear2: 

You have a place to talk about this now. I understand everything you said about this. It clicked with me when you said you felt betrayed...it’s clicking now when you’re saying you couldn’t sleep for 2 weeks, you felt lost, couldn’t concentrate. Your feelings for this CO are probably not just a mere crush. It’s OK. That’s true for me as well.

Mental health professionals don’t fully understand what we call “celebrity obsession” here...it took 2 years before I was able to get my therapist to really understand. We don’t all have the same experience (that’s the reason I wanted the topic title changed) ...we can’t expect the solution to be “one size fits all.” I didn’t want to be “cured” of my CO...I just wanted to learn to stop or manage the heartbreak. Maybe that’s you, too. The writers of the psychology articles you read haven’t talked to you...they don’t know what’s best for you. If their advice doesn’t sound right to you, it’s probably not. Follow your heart. And come here to talk whenever you need to. :hugs:

@Honey1992 I completely feel and empathize with every word you wrote there!

Audrey - "and there's no going back to the way it used to be."  Wow no words ever rang truer!

This post hit home..

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@imalittleteapot 

 

Quote

I keep wondering as soon as mine fades, that another one might start.

I know how much you struggle with this, and I know how badly you don’t want these things to happen.  But there’s a reason they do.  I’m not questioning your love for your husband, because you’ve made it very clear that you love him very much, and I believe you.  But I’m just telling you how this sounds from here, from someone listening to what you’re saying. 

It sounds to me like this keeps happening because COs are making up for something that’s missing in your real life.  It’s normal for a certain amount of “spark” to fade for people who are married a long time.  Maybe that’s all it is, and so, what you once only felt for your husband, you now feel for other attractive men...a little “spark”.  It’s OK.  Men do this too...if your husband is honest with you, he would tell you he’s turned on by physically attractive women.  Normal men can’t help but react that way.  If that’s all it is, the two of you can work on getting that “spark” back....or you can just accept the attraction towards COs for what it is, relax, stop trying so hard to give this up, and (instead) give yourself a break about it.  

I’m just going to throw this out there for your consideration...what if it’s more than that though?  I had to face that fact.  But this post is about you, not about me.  I’m just letting you know that if it is more, you wouldn’t be alone. The very good news for you is, even if it is more, it’s not a fatal thing in your case because you love your husband.  

You’ve mentioned a few times that your husband’s a workaholic and you’ve had to talk to him about that.  Take an honest assessment of your situation and really find out if you’re as happy as you can be.  You don’t have to tell us what the answer is, but you should talk to your husband again if you’re not as happy as you can be...if that’s the reason you keep slipping into CO-ville.  I know that’s how you want to work this out....and if that’s what’s going on, I hope you do.  :hugs:

 

 

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38 minutes ago, HeatherG said:

Audrey - "and there's no going back to the way it used to be."  Wow no words ever rang truer!

This post hit home..

I wish I had a time machine....I would dial it back to at least September 5, 2013.  I’d probably go back further than that, but that was the day before the bottom fell out. 

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1 hour ago, Audrey822 said:

 

It sounds to me like this keeps happening because COs are making up for something that’s missing in your real life.  It’s normal for a certain amount of “spark” to fade for people who are married a long time.  Maybe that’s all it is, and so, what you once only felt for your husband, you now feel for other attractive men...a little “spark”.  It’s OK.  Men do this too...if your husband is honest with you, he would tell you he’s turned on by physically attractive women.  Normal men can’t help but react that way.  If that’s all it is, the two of you can work on getting that “spark” back....or you can just accept the attraction towards COs for what it is, relax, stop trying so hard to give this up, and (instead) give yourself a break about it.  

I’m just going to throw this out there for your consideration...what if it’s more than that though?  I had to face that fact.  But this post is about you, not about me.  I’m just letting you know that if it is more, you wouldn’t be alone. The very good news for you is, even if it is more, it’s not a fatal thing in your case because you love your husband.  

You’ve mentioned a few times that your husband’s a workaholic and you’ve had to talk to him about that.  Take an honest assessment of your situation and really find out if you’re as happy as you can be.  You don’t have to tell us what the answer is, but you should talk to your husband again if you’re not as happy as you can be...if that’s the reason you keep slipping into CO-ville.  I know that’s how you want to work this out....and if that’s what’s going on, I hope you do.  :hugs:

 

 

@Audrey822 thank you for this post. It sounds like you're trying to help me sort this out- and I'm so thankful, because I don't have any therapist at the moment. I go to a women's Bible group, but they aren't the people I'd talk about CO's to, unless I called it a 'depression issue' or was vague about it. So thank you! :)

I think the bolded is where I'm at with my marriage right at this point, at the beginning of 2018. I feel loving toward my husband lately, and that is because even though he's busy, he has consciously tried to work on things and so have I. Through a lot of communication. I don't know if I told you, but my husband had military deployment PTSD from when he served overseas in the early '00s. He didn't get any counseling help for it until about 2013. It was around 2012 that my daydreams/CO's/crushes over men outside my marriage started. Looking back it makes sense. My husband is more conscious of his moods and doesn't rage, or rant, or "belittle" the way he used to. He's a good guy. 

I also have a tendency to put people on a pedestal, too idealistic. When we were first married I expected my husband to be the "ultimate source" of my happiness. It was too much to expect.

Thank you again. :) I'm sorry if anything I posted in the past (like questions to you) offended you at all. I assumed you're doing okay because of the grandchild, and meeting your CO, but I know you said you still struggle. I'm sorry. 

Edited by imalittleteapot
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@imalittleteapot ... you’re welcome. You know you’re always free to talk about whatever is troubling you here.  We’re here to support each other. :hugs:

I wasn’t aware your husband was struggling with PTSD until now.  That’s rough.  I wish him and you all the best in dealing with that, and I hope he can continue to get counseling if he needs it.  

Now.....you know almost every normal man indulges in looking at sexy women.  As I said in the previous post, if your husband is honest with you I’m sure he’d admit to this.  It’s time you give yourself a break.  You’re not doing anything wrong.  You’re just indulging in enjoying a few nice-looking male actors and fantasizing about them.  Women have done this forever, and it doesn’t mean you’re cheating on your husband anymore than it means he’s cheating on you when he looks at women (he’s not.)  Relax....by your own admission, the only heartbreak your CO has given you is that he’s so adorable.  Please don’t allow that to break your heart any longer. Just enjoy your CO’s adorable good looks.  I hope you never have to experience the heartbreak I felt and still feel after learning what I did in September 2013 and a few times since then.  You’re going to be fine.  Just give yourself a break and breathe.  

I’m here to listen whenever you need to talk. 

Adding on edit:  no apology necessary.  It’s just that a grandchild can’t fix what’s broken in my life (that’s too much for a little baby to take on) and while I had an incredible meeting with my CO last year, it hurts that he had to leave.  I would like him to come back and be with me for good.  If you knew how things went that night (I didn’t post all the details, but don’t jump to salacious conclusions) you’d realize it’s not such a crazy thought.  You may have heard:  I love him.  I know that may be hard to hear considering my circumstances, but it’s true.  I would get out of these circumstances in less than 30 seconds if he asked me to. 

Edited by Audrey822
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12 hours ago, nikki114 said:

Do certain fans online make you feel like a loser for your CO?  For having different opinions about certain parts of his or her life?  

Sometimes yeah, it's a little rough community with the people regarding my CO. That's why I stay away, I don't want to get involved in all that drama that sometimes comes with it, which makes me feel insignificant.

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7 hours ago, HeatherG said:

I am terrified to research or search, because he just seems more perfect and beautiful and I end up feeling more miserable.  It's not you.

I agree, everything you can find online about your CO often just starts to get worse when you see it - at least in my instance. 

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20 hours ago, Helpme26 said:

I agree, everything you can find online about your CO often just starts to get worse when you see it - at least in my instance. 

My instance too!!, all I end up learning is how close he is with his gf and how much time they spend together....  But I saw my psychologist today and my mind felt like, a little bit freer (free-er?  Wow I forgot how to spell??? :wow:)  Anyhoo, I felt this relief I haven't felt since August 2017.  

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20 hours ago, Helpme26 said:

I agree, everything you can find online about your CO often just starts to get worse when you see it - at least in my instance. 

Yes!  It's like once you start, you can't control yourself anymore.  It's basically self-torture.

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1 minute ago, nikki114 said:

Yes!  It's like once you start, you can't control yourself anymore.  It's basically self-torture.

Nikki114  yes!  Yes!  I would tell myself to NOT check the tumblrs and IG and blogs devoted to him, I would even say to myself "You're going to regret it, you'll be so sorry."  And I still check it!  Like, then, after I'm sorry and tell myself, 'I'm not going to do that again, that was awful (saw pic of hot new gf).'  But I'd go back!  And back and again and again!  Like, I'm torturing myself.  Like what the bleep... :sniffle1:

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5 minutes ago, HeatherG said:

Nikki114  yes!  Yes!  I would tell myself to NOT check the tumblrs and IG and blogs devoted to him, I would even say to myself "You're going to regret it, you'll be so sorry."  And I still check it!  Like, then, after I'm sorry and tell myself, 'I'm not going to do that again, that was awful (saw pic of hot new gf).'  But I'd go back!  And back and again and again!  Like, I'm torturing myself.  Like what the bleep... :sniffle1:

You're reading my mind!  I read one such blog of my CO and that led me to finally join this forum.  I was so upset and felt so stupid after reading that particular tumblr.

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8 minutes ago, HeatherG said:

Nikki114  yes!  Yes!  I would tell myself to NOT check the tumblrs and IG and blogs devoted to him, I would even say to myself "You're going to regret it, you'll be so sorry."  And I still check it!  Like, then, after I'm sorry and tell myself, 'I'm not going to do that again, that was awful (saw pic of hot new gf).'  But I'd go back!  And back and again and again!  Like, I'm torturing myself.  Like what the bleep... :sniffle1:

That sounds like OCD, and I was doing the same thing before my therapist gave me good advice on how to stop it.  When the obsession to search comes on, find a way to distract yourself.  Do anything you need to do to get away from the computer or device for as long as you need to do until the urge passes.  Do this every time.  You have to stop punishing yourself that way.  It’s not good. 

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Just now, Audrey822 said:

That sounds like OCD, and I was doing the same thing before my therapist gave me good advice on how to stop it.  When the obsession to search comes on, find a way to distract yourself.  Do anything you need to do to get away from the computer or device for as long as you need to do until the urge passes.  Do this every time.  You have to stop punishing yourself that way.  It’s not good. 

I know, I'm becoming more aware now.  I know you'll agree that it's super hard :(

Because a part of me gets a great happy fleeting rush when I do look and it's a hot pic or adorable video and it makes me feel good and then I'm glad I looked.  Then I see something that makes me so jealous and upset and I'm sad I looked... Vicious cycle I know.  And not healthy, I know.  It's going to take work to stop this and i'm willing to do that work (with my psychologist because right now, I don't have the mindset to do it on my own).  

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2 minutes ago, HeatherG said:

I know, I'm becoming more aware now.  I know you'll agree that it's super hard :(

Because a part of me gets a great happy fleeting rush when I do look and it's a hot pic or adorable video and it makes me feel good and then I'm glad I looked.  Then I see something that makes me so jealous and upset and I'm sad I looked... Vicious cycle I know.  And not healthy, I know.  It's going to take work to stop this and i'm willing to do that work (with my psychologist because right now, I don't have the mindset to do it on my own).  

Do you have any pics of him saved that don’t include you-know-who?  Can you make do with those so you don’t have to go searching for new ones?  It’s not worth it, if the places you have to look aren’t safe.  

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Just now, Audrey822 said:

Do you have any pics of him saved that don’t include you-know-who?  Can you make do with those so you don’t have to go searching for new ones?  It’s not worth it, if the places you have to look aren’t safe.  

Thanks love, i finally figured that out (kinda late...).  But I won't bad mouth myself, see, I'm learning a lil bit more now about how I just dump on myself.  But yes, I do have pics of him without her.  I also don't feel good looking at him, it just makes me feel, I don't know, lousy!  I feel lousy when I look at him, and then again, I WANT to look at him!  Oh gosh, I can't wait to see my psychologist next week.  This is so insane and loopy, but she understood!!  So, I hope time flies by so I can see her again next week :)

I'm sure everyone on here might say at night is the worst!  So, keeping fingers crossed because today I haven't looked at him at all.  But, I know where he is today (meaning new pics I haven't seen yet), I know when he flies back, I know when he posts on IG, this is crazy.  :sniffle1:

But I'm okay!  Just the beginning of a journey here, and the beginning is going to be bumpy.  I have you all and my new psychologist :)

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1 minute ago, HeatherG said:

But I won't bad mouth myself, see, I'm learning a lil bit more now about how I just dump on myself. 

This is self-punishment, and I’m prone to this myself.  It’s evil, the things I’ll say and do to hurt myself.  I’m learning too...sometimes I catch myself before I really do damage.  But other times I’ve done some really bad damage.  It really is a work in progress.  

I’m so glad you found a psychologist who understands this.  The value of that cannot be overstated.  And yes, you have all of us....we’re an online support group here.  :gathering:

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Just now, Audrey822 said:

This is self-punishment, and I’m prone to this myself.  It’s evil, the things I’ll say and do to hurt myself.  I’m learning too...sometimes I catch myself before I really do damage.  But other times I’ve done some really bad damage.  It really is a work in progress.  

I’m so glad you found a psychologist who understands this.  The value of that cannot be overstated.  And yes, you have all of us....we’re an online support group here.  :gathering:

Thank you Audrey, to everyone here.  I did talk a bit about this group to my psychologist (of course in general terms) but I let her know I'm not alone, and that I've learned so much about this CO issue from you all -- and that I found I'm not alone and she was happy to hear this.  :)

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3 hours ago, HeatherG said:

My instance too!!, all I end up learning is how close he is with his gf and how much time they spend together....  But I saw my psychologist today and my mind felt like, a little bit freer (free-er?  Wow I forgot how to spell??? :wow:)  Anyhoo, I felt this relief I haven't felt since August 2017.  

I’m so glad to hear you went to see a psychiatrist today!!! How is he/she? Is she understandable of your situation and how do you feel compared to the old one who was a judging ***** who didn’t take you seriously.

 

hopefully you have had a good experience thus far. Is it going to be a weekly thing? Glad to hear it gave you some relief!!

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3 hours ago, nikki114 said:

Yes!  It's like once you start, you can't control yourself anymore.  It's basically self-torture.

It so is. It’s horrible!! It’s just a way that brings you down, yet for some reason you can’t seem to stop doing it. 

 

@HeatherG just read the rest of the messages. I should have done that before I got all excited on your behalf. 

I’m sooo glad to hear she understood. It’s good to know ! And I totally get how it makes you feel just looking at your CO! I try avoid pictures of mine because he’s so gorgeous it makes me want to cry! Knowing I can’t have him and that it’s just a picture makes it awful! 

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