Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support

[BlueStarr]

47 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

@BlueStarr I didn’t change it (I don’t have those kind of powers, lol!) I asked a mod to change it. 

Well, it was still your idea. You're the one who made it happen, by talking to the mod and getting them to see that it was a good idea.

[Audrey822]

2 hours ago, imalittleteapot said:

 Not my CO though. Seeing anything about him is a little heartbreaking, (mild now, compared to more painful last spring and summer when the CO episode was at its peak). I still adore him and not only am I not his wife, but he'll never be part of my life in any way. I try to focus only on the fictional characters.

Does anyone carry an object around that represents your CO? Some people in this thread mentioned having the person's picture as their lock screen, or a photo near their bed or in a drawer. I have a silly one- when I was Christmas shopping a few weeks ago, I saw these little Beanie Baby keychains. I found a keychain of the animated character my CO did the voice for in a popular family movie. So I bought it and put my key on it, and 'he' goes in my purse or coat pocket wherever I go. <3 

Oh, sure...I carry many things that represent him that no one would understand but me. 

Just trying to help again though, because something you’re saying here is confusing. If what you said in that previous paragraph is true...that seeing anything about your CO is heartbreaking, why are you carrying something (a Beanie Baby of his animated character) that represents him? That’s counterproductive if you really want to do away with this CO, teapot.  Are you sure you really want to be rid of him?

Edited January 9, 2018 by Audrey822

[Honey1992]

7 hours ago, imalittleteapot said:

It's fine with the title change. I agree that 'unhealthy' ought to be taken out because for some, it's a positive thing. Thank you, Audrey, for having it changed.

I'm probably most in alignment with @alacroix. My CO admiration, and thoughts, and daydreams, and sometimes heartache, (on and off) affects me as a wife and mom. I'm guilty of spending too much time with fanfiction when I could be doing more productive writing (like short stories for publishing) and even just cleaning the house or playing board games with my youngest more often. 

I have depression, but it ebbs and wanes, from feeling almost normal and happy some days to complete despair in others. On a good day, I can spend less time in fan/movie/CO related activities, but on a bad day, I like to use the fictional characters as an escape. Not my CO though. Seeing anything about him is a little heartbreaking, (mild now, compared to more painful last spring and summer when the CO episode was at its peak). I still adore him and not only am I not his wife, but he'll never be part of my life in any way. I try to focus only on the fictional characters.

Does anyone carry an object around that represents your CO? Some people in this thread mentioned having the person's picture as their lock screen, or a photo near their bed or in a drawer. I have a silly one- when I was Christmas shopping a few weeks ago, I saw these little Beanie Baby keychains. I found a keychain of the animated character my CO did the voice for in a popular family movie. So I bought it and put my key on it, and 'he' goes in my purse or coat pocket wherever I go. <3 

@imalittleteapot @Audrey822 @Helpme26 

before I found this forum, loving and admiring celebrities have been part of my life since I was 10 or 11. I've been fond of different celebrities through different stages of my life. The interest that started from collecting pictures, buying album and DVD getting deeper and deeper. My latest CO has been the strongest of them all. 

In this recent years, my life has been the toughest and I need my CO more than ever. It's like taking a refugee from whatever war going on in my real life. I thought I've taken my fantasy to a very extreme level and it hurts me to see him with his new partner. I was broke in tears. I feel like betrayed. Since then, I googled to find out more about this and 9 out of 10 psychological website said that this is unhealthy.

I was scared. Because I thought I was alone. I have fantasies, I wrote a story, I have pictures of him. No matter how hard I'm trying or even how hurt I was, I can't forget about my CO. It's like battling for drugs. It's not good but I want it. It's even affected my mood, my work....

Only after I found this forum and reading and listening from all of your experience, I feel so much better...... I'm not alone now.... For now, I've made my CO as a "sweet escape" from real life. 

I hope more and more will come aboard after the title has been changed. Their voices need to be heard. 

[SeSa]

I also support the name change - thank you  @Audrey822 for making that happen!

For me, the really hard thing about my obsession was not so much the obsession itself which I had learned more or less to harness and control (not always of course!) - and which had helped me through tough times. The hard part was thinking "this is weird, I'm a freak, this is a secret part of my life and I can't tell anyone ever".

Just as @Honey1992 says above (there's a lot in your post that strikes a chord with me!), finding other people in a similar position is so positive, as you don't feel alone or weird anymore.

So for me, taking away "unhealthy" is a way of taking away the stigma of wider society. I accept that for some people it's unhealthy for you personally, and some people want to eliminate it from their lives and I support that. But I feel that the new title is more inclusive!

[Audrey822]

@SeSa and @Honey1992 I’m so glad to hear what both of you said about this. SeSa, your comments echo what @posie_riot said yesterday, and I think that’s one of the most important things of all...removing the “unnecessary stigma” and “sense of shame” that those who don’t understand how we feel try to hang around our necks (some of those insensitive people have even come into this thread before.) 

As I said, it doesn’t exclude those who still think their obsession is unhealthy...it only feels more inclusive for those of us who do not. 

(Honey, I have more to say about your post...I have to respond to it separately) 

[Audrey822]

5 hours ago, Honey1992 said:

before I found this forum, loving and admiring celebrities have been part of my life since I was 10 or 11. I've been fond of different celebrities through different stages of my life. The interest that started from collecting pictures, buying album and DVD getting deeper and deeper. My latest CO has been the strongest of them all. 

In this recent years, my life has been the toughest and I need my CO more than ever. It's like taking a refugee from whatever war going on in my real life. I thought I've taken my fantasy to a very extreme level and it hurts me to see him with his new partner. I was broke in tears. I feel like betrayed. Since then, I googled to find out more about this and 9 out of 10 psychological website said that this is unhealthy.

I was scared. Because I thought I was alone. I have fantasies, I wrote a story, I have pictures of him. No matter how hard I'm trying or even how hurt I was, I can't forget about my CO. It's like battling for drugs. It's not good but I want it. It's even affected my mood, my work....

Only after I found this forum and reading and listening from all of your experience, I feel so much better...... I'm not alone now.... For now, I've made my CO as a "sweet escape" from real life. 

I hope more and more will come aboard after the title has been changed. Their voices need to be heard. 

There must be something about the magical age of 11. So many people who have come through this thread have mentioned that this all began for them at that age. It was at 11 years old when I first saw my CO. 

You said you felt betrayed when you saw him with that woman. Betrayed is how I felt as well. And it shook me to feel that way.  The damage done to my psychological well-being has been very unhealthy...not my CO himself, but the damage done by this feeling of betrayal. I would love nothing more than to turn the calendar back to September 5, 2013 and find something else to do the next day...and never search for information on him ever again. 

Those psycological websites you found can’t determine what’s healthy or unhealthy for you. We’re all different. I was emotionally abused as a young girl and the abuse and narcissistic manipulation continued even into my adulthood. I have deep scars. I needed coping mechanisms and escapes. I dissociated (hence, alter ego.)  My mother and my husband are both to blame. I have the opinion of two mental health professionals on my side, telling me this is not unhealthy for me. We do what we have to do to survive in this world. 

[imalittleteapot]

13 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

Oh, sure...I carry many things that represent him that no one would understand but me. 

Just trying to help again though, because something you’re saying here is confusing. If what you said in that previous paragraph is true...that seeing anything about your CO is heartbreaking, why are you carrying something (a Beanie Baby of his animated character) that represents him? That’s counterproductive if you really want to do away with this CO, teapot.  Are you sure you really want to be rid of him?

Audrey, it's hard for me to explain, but in a way- it's right in the post. I try to focus more on the fictional characters my CO played instead of the actor and his celebrity life. His characters (one of them in particular) make me smile! Simple as that. 

It's that humor and sunshine and energy and positivity my CO radiates, both in character and in interviews. I don't know, but there's something so relatable about his characters. Even though they're male characters, they remind me of myself when I'm in a sunny mood and I'm at my best. I guess in a way, he inspires me! My favorite character my CO played was someone who was hurt and betrayed by his unrequited crush, and for some odd subconscious reason I identify with him. In the canon movie, this guy was resilient and brave at the end, and he was shown to be happy and 'recovered' later. (I even wrote some fanfic to explore more of how this character was able to move on, lol.) My CO represents humor and spunk and a 'I'm confident and comfortable in my own skin' attitude that I wish for myself. When I think of him, I feel like 'hey, I can be like that!' There are a few female actresses and singers that make me feel the same way, but for some reason I like this male celebrity the best.

The 'hearbreak' part of it is that he's so adorable and handsome (to me), he's married to some girl who looks nothing like me (a skinny brunette from what I saw from pics. I'm the opposite of a skinny brunette) and he's always schmoozing with beautiful, glamorous actresses. He'll never be in MY life as a friend, or anything. He's still a movie star whom I don't actually KNOW. :(  

I guess carrying around the keychain Beanie Baby of the funny children's movie character he voiced is almost like having a little of my CO's 'joyful spirit' with me. In a way, I don't want to give up certain aspects of him. As time passes, he'll fade from my mind and another CO will probably take his place. I'm 47, so I can probably expect up to 30 more years of CO's. By the time I'm 75, I will crush on celeb boys that I could be the grandma of. ;)

 

 

[cornflakegirl]

16 hours ago, imalittleteapot said:

It's fine with the title change. I agree that 'unhealthy' ought to be taken out because for some, it's a positive thing. Thank you, Audrey, for having it changed.

I'm probably most in alignment with @alacroix. My CO admiration, and thoughts, and daydreams, and sometimes heartache, (on and off) affects me as a wife and mom. I'm guilty of spending too much time with fanfiction when I could be doing more productive writing (like short stories for publishing) and even just cleaning the house or playing board games with my youngest more often. 

I have depression, but it ebbs and wanes, from feeling almost normal and happy some days to complete despair in others. On a good day, I can spend less time in fan/movie/CO related activities, but on a bad day, I like to use the fictional characters as an escape. Not my CO though. Seeing anything about him is a little heartbreaking, (mild now, compared to more painful last spring and summer when the CO episode was at its peak). I still adore him and not only am I not his wife, but he'll never be part of my life in any way. I try to focus only on the fictional characters.

Does anyone carry an object around that represents your CO? Some people in this thread mentioned having the person's picture as their lock screen, or a photo near their bed or in a drawer. I have a silly one- when I was Christmas shopping a few weeks ago, I saw these little Beanie Baby keychains. I found a keychain of the animated character my CO did the voice for in a popular family movie. So I bought it and put my key on it, and 'he' goes in my purse or coat pocket wherever I go. <3 

I have my CO as my phone's wallpaper (my husband as my lock screen, that way I get the best of both worlds <3)....but I often find myself staring at my CO much more often than my hubby, lol!  I constantly touch my phone so as to keep my screen from going dark so I can continue to look at my CO until my phone dies....I have been trying to cut down on this, as I tend to take my phone with me just about everywhere I go so I can look at his picture all the time....It's too much, I know, but I am so conflicted....I don't want to stop but at the same time, I feel I need to get this under control.

As for the name change, I am fine with it too.  I think I still would have joined even under it's current name, especially after reading some of the first posts.

While my CO has helped me get through some very high stress situations (including a deployment to the Middle East), I feel that I need to get a grip on this.  There are other issues that I have with it that I don't feel comfortable discussing here.  If I could just scale it back so that I am just a big fan of his without this overly strong "passion" for him, I think I might be okay.  It's just trying to figure out how to scale it back without cutting him out of my life.  I know I seem to go back and forth on this in my postings, but I am really conflicted and this is what I have been struggling with for years.  I don't feel that my CO is healthy at all in its current state and that I need to find other things in life to focus on.  I am trying to do just that and on my good days (when the depression isn't as bad), it's all right, but on days when I just want to stop feeling like crap, that is when I give in to the fantasy world and feel less crappy.  I just want a better way to feel less crappy without relying on my CO so much. 

[Audrey822]

@imalittleteapot ah, I see. Maybe I misunderstood, but I thought you wanted to be free of COs...in which case, I would suggest a cold turkey approach (anything that keeps a CO on our mind is not unlike an alcoholic trying to convince someone they can have just one b33r.) 

[imalittleteapot]

@Audrey822, I am doing the cold turkey approach- I blocked Tumblr, I decided to stop writing fanfiction (unless it's for a different movie than the one I've been writing for all this past year), I blocked celeb gossip websites, entertainment news websites, and I won't randomly click on entertainment related articles, including the Big Blockbuster Movie that my CO's young actress friend stars in.

I have a keychain with a funny little creature character on it, that makes me happy. In the meantime, I'm trying to replace CO stuff (including the fanfic writing) with reading other kinds of books like mystery novels or historical non-fiction, the genres I used to enjoy in the past. I've also started becoming obsessed with low-carb and Keto recipes. I'm collecting them so that I can get myself and my family to eat healthier. I do nature photography, and take nature walks.

I also stay away from too much social media these days- especially Facebook, so I don't develop non-celebrity crushes. (About 5 years ago, in late 2012, I corresponded with a man on email and social media which ended up in me having a crush and 'emotional affair' feelings, and I NEVER want that to happen again!) Actually I know it won't, because my marriage is in a better place now than it was in 2012. :)

@cornflakegirlI know it's so hard to stop, but the less time you spend seeing pics of your CO or his acting, whether it's TV shows or movies or interview videos, the better you'll feel. At first, when I stopped following my CO on Twitter, I started 'missing' him. I know, it's weird, but I did.

Edited January 9, 2018 by imalittleteapot

[posie_riot]

10 hours ago, Honey1992 said:

@imalittleteapot @Audrey822 @Helpme26 

before I found this forum, loving and admiring celebrities have been part of my life since I was 10 or 11. I've been fond of different celebrities through different stages of my life. The interest that started from collecting pictures, buying album and DVD getting deeper and deeper. My latest CO has been the strongest of them all. 

In this recent years, my life has been the toughest and I need my CO more than ever. It's like taking a refugee from whatever war going on in my real life. I thought I've taken my fantasy to a very extreme level and it hurts me to see him with his new partner. I was broke in tears. I feel like betrayed. Since then, I googled to find out more about this and 9 out of 10 psychological website said that this is unhealthy.

I was scared. Because I thought I was alone. I have fantasies, I wrote a story, I have pictures of him. No matter how hard I'm trying or even how hurt I was, I can't forget about my CO. It's like battling for drugs. It's not good but I want it. It's even affected my mood, my work....

Only after I found this forum and reading and listening from all of your experience, I feel so much better...... I'm not alone now.... For now, I've made my CO as a "sweet escape" from real life. 

I hope more and more will come aboard after the title has been changed. Their voices need to be heard. 

The problem with those psychological websites is that they don't offer a reasonable solution. Someone could probably argue that falling in love in general and having your heart broken is "unhealthy"   But unfortunately, it's a part of life for most people. I'm so glad that finding others you can relate to has helped you and that you're still able to turn to your CO for comfort. You're certainly not alone, and there are a lot more people like us out there who aren't on this site. 

Edited January 9, 2018 by posie_riot

[alacroix]

Yes, I definitely agree @posie_riot. I came here in hopes of finding help with like moved people going through the same thing. For the most part, I am getting helpful tidbits here and there and I do like reading other people's stories and finding similarities and therefore feel better and also finding I'm not alone by any means and that 'we' can all get through this together, for those (like me) who wish to overcome this, like @imalittleteapot. ☺

[Audrey822]

@imalittleteapot thank you for your last response.  We’ve been together on this board for a long time.  I know you’ve always said you wanted to be free of COs ever since we were both here in 2014.  I’ve always gotten the feeling that having a CO troubles you a bit, given some of the things you say here.  

When you went away for a long time in mid-2014, I thought it meant you’d succeeded, and I was happy that you did.   If that’s what you want in the future, I hope you do succeed.  

There’s some things jumping out at me in your posts that (in my opinion) may be keeping you from succeeding, and that’s why I want to ask you about these things.  I hope you don’t mind.

You often talk about your husband, and from some of the many things you’ve said about him, I can tell you’re very happy (most of the time, which is all any woman can hope for, I suppose.) I mean it when I say that I’m happy for you about that. 

Here’s one of the things that keeps nagging me about your post: since your are happily married, why does it bother you that this actor is “schmoozing with beautiful, glamorous actresses”?  (You said you don’t even think of him romantically.) You don’t have to answer, but please think about that.  

I don’t know if it’s just that I’m so much different, but that jumped out at me because I don’t care about any of the “beautiful, gorgeous women” any other male singers, actors, and/or athletes may be dating...even the other good-looking ones.  Who cares?  I don’t think of them romantically, so why do I care who their significant others are and what those women look like?  There’s only one man I care about, and I do think of him romantically.  

You told me you’re going cold turkey, but there’s that Beanie Baby that makes you happy.  A Beanie Baby of the character your CO plays.  It’s good to be happy.  God knows, I wish I could be happy. I don’t want you to give up something that makes you happy.  But...it all depends on how much you really want to give up your CO.  If I wanted to give up my CO (I don’t) it would be a very bad idea for me to say I’ll give him up, but I want to keep listening to his music.  I wouldn’t get far, because his music would keep me thinking of him.  

I’m not trying to nag you, I’m really just trying to give you some things to think about.  I promise, this will be my last attempt because there really isn’t anything else I can say after this.  

 

 

Edited January 9, 2018 by Audrey822

[Honey1992]

16 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

There must be something about the magical age of 11. So many people who have come through this thread have mentioned that this all began for them at that age. It was at 11 years old when I first saw my CO. 

You said you felt betrayed when you saw him with that woman. Betrayed is how I felt as well. And it shook me to feel that way.  The damage done to my psychological well-being has been very unhealthy...not my CO himself, but the damage done by this feeling of betrayal. I would love nothing more than to turn the calendar back to September 5, 2013 and find something else to do the next day...and never search for information on him ever again. 

Those psycological websites you found can’t determine what’s healthy or unhealthy for you. We’re all different. I was emotionally abused as a young girl and the abuse and narcissistic manipulation continued even into my adulthood. I have deep scars. I needed coping mechanisms and escapes. I dissociated (hence, alter ego.)  My mother and my husband are both to blame. I have the opinion of two mental health professionals on my side, telling me this is not unhealthy for me. We do what we have to do to survive in this world. 

@SeSa @posie_riot It would be nearly impossible to ever talk about this with our friends. Or even closest friends. They wouldn't understand if they never experience it.  Maybe if they heard this from me, they would secretly thinks that I'm mentally disturbed. In my country, psychological talks almost didn't exist. I didn't know who to reach out for. Scared and uneasy, it was a feeling that slowly destroying me from within although on other's people eyes, I looks just fine. I'm happy now that I can share this and heard from you all perspective. It helps me to understand people more. 

@Audrey822 Same as you, I also remembered well the first day I saw my CO with his new girlfriend. I loved him since 2016 and soon after, he got break up. I was "happily married" with him during those period. He was so active on Instagram and he got many things going on. So, everyday, looking into my Twitter fan club News that I've followed of him is like... A heaven. That was the first and last thing I did everyday, looking into his photos and news. Just like a quote from movie. "You are the first and last thing I wanna see everyday". But, he's not love me back. That reality hurts. Sometimes, he shared funny videos on his IG and I was like, what not to like about this guy? 

Reality kicks in again when he first going public with his new girlfriend. It was on Wimbledon's final match. On the same day, I was just discharged from hospital due to my health issue. So, you can imagine the last thing I ever want on that day is knowing about this. It was night on my country. I'm just about to sleep. It was my habit to check on him first before going to bed, due to my fantasy. And.... seeing those pictures.... BOOM. I was shook. I'm like a spooked chicken (Not sure this vocab and grammar correct or not). The result from that night, I have trouble sleeping for 2 weeks after. I will wake up at night randomly, feeling lost. I was scared of my own pillow and it was devastating as hell. I have no one to talk to. At work, I barely concentrate. 

Psychological website says, "You have to forget your CO". Yeah right..... I've tried another hobby. Oh wait, then I realize I don't have another hobby besides watching movies. I tried reading books but I hate it! I've tried, oh well, lets see if I can fantasize on him again, just take it easssy... But, his partner's face popped up in my dreams. I said Go away but she continuously bothers me. And I talk to myself, "I just need a little bit of happiness. Can you not give me that?"

So, those crazy period is over for now. Now, I'm perfectly able to sleep and no longer scared of my own dreams. But my CO will have to settle down soon. I'm not sure how I'm going to accept it if he got married. I'm not ready for it. 

Turns out I have hormonal imbalance that's affecting my sleeping routine. 

@imalittleteapot Same as me. I always feel connected with the characters he played. So far, I like them all. He played a British Duke once, a soldier, Greek warrior, even a spy. And mostly my fantasy are developed from there. 

Edited January 10, 2018 by Honey1992

[nikki114]

Does it ever get to the point where you're actually afraid to research your CO?  

 

Or is it just me?

[Audrey822]

7 hours ago, nikki114 said:

Does it ever get to the point where you're actually afraid to research your CO?  

 

Or is it just me?

If you’re trying to avoid seeing things that have the potential to hurt you, you have to stop searching the Internet for your CO...that includes following him/her on all forms of social media. I stopped almost 3 years ago. 

[Audrey822]

7 hours ago, Honey1992 said:

@Audrey822 Same as you, I also remembered well the first day I saw my CO with his new girlfriend. I loved him since 2016 and soon after, he got break up. I was "happily married" with him during those period. He was so active on Instagram and he got many things going on. So, everyday, looking into my Twitter fan club News that I've followed of him is like... A heaven. That was the first and last thing I did everyday, looking into his photos and news. Just like a quote from movie. "You are the first and last thing I wanna see everyday". But, he's not love me back. That reality hurts. Sometimes, he shared funny videos on his IG and I was like, what not to like about this guy? 

Reality kicks in again when he first going public with his new girlfriend. It was on Wimbledon's final match. On the same day, I was just discharged from hospital due to my health issue. So, you can imagine the last thing I ever want on that day is knowing about this. It was night on my country. I'm just about to sleep. It was my habit to check on him first before going to bed, due to my fantasy. And.... seeing those pictures.... BOOM. I was shook. I'm like a spooked chicken (Not sure this vocab and grammar correct or not). The result from that night, I have trouble sleeping for 2 weeks after. I will wake up at night randomly, feeling lost. I was scared of my own pillow and it was devastating as hell. I have no one to talk to. At work, I barely concentrate. 

Psychological website says, "You have to forget your CO". Yeah right..... I've tried another hobby. Oh wait, then I realize I don't have another hobby besides watching movies. I tried reading books but I hate it! I've tried, oh well, lets see if I can fantasize on him again, just take it easssy... But, his partner's face popped up in my dreams. I said Go away but she continuously bothers me. And I talk to myself, "I just need a little bit of happiness. Can you not give me that?"

So, those crazy period is over for now. Now, I'm perfectly able to sleep and no longer scared of my own dreams. But my CO will have to settle down soon. I'm not sure how I'm going to accept it if he got married. I'm not ready for it. 

Turns out I have hormonal imbalance that's affecting my sleeping routine. 

My heart broke for you as I read that. I know how it must have felt...everything was going along fine, getting news from your Twitter fan club and watching him on IG...until it wasn’t. And when it wasn’t, it was devastating...and there’s no going back to the way it used to be.  

You have a place to talk about this now. I understand everything you said about this. It clicked with me when you said you felt betrayed...it’s clicking now when you’re saying you couldn’t sleep for 2 weeks, you felt lost, couldn’t concentrate. Your feelings for this CO are probably not just a mere crush. It’s OK. That’s true for me as well.

Mental health professionals don’t fully understand what we call “celebrity obsession” here...it took 2 years before I was able to get my therapist to really understand. We don’t all have the same experience (that’s the reason I wanted the topic title changed) ...we can’t expect the solution to be “one size fits all.” I didn’t want to be “cured” of my CO...I just wanted to learn to stop or manage the heartbreak. Maybe that’s you, too. The writers of the psychology articles you read haven’t talked to you...they don’t know what’s best for you. If their advice doesn’t sound right to you, it’s probably not. Follow your heart. And come here to talk whenever you need to. 

[alacroix]

Wow, the longer I'm here and the more I read your guys' stories the more I'm relieved I'm not alone. Everyone, especially everyone who wants to overcome this, we're in this together, we've got this.

 

@Honey1992, I'm so sorry it got that bad but so glad for you you're getting past this. It's not that bad for me, yet, I hope to keep it that way but time will tell. For now I'm just still daydreaming and fantasizing but it's still heartbreaking knowing that's it'll ever be. 

@nikki114, yes I don't always succeed but I *try* to avoid googling him or following him at all costs to save my heart. If I do it's just strictly pictures to aid in my fantasies. That's probably even sadder, actually. I'm still a work in progress... 😳

 

[sghsdfgh]

 

I feel like I can always think what the other person thinks. I used to use it as an advantage but soon it goes out of bounds. It was after the obsessive-compulsive disorder that I had acquired, when I actually started realize how bad everything was. I know what that person thinks, which is often something bad, and then I start to feel awkward, and then suddenly we have a mind-to-mind connection in which he knows that I know what he is thinking. And then I start to help him think of his worries, e.g. what if his boss knows what we were both thinking of, which is not very nice, then I start to fear for him. And this all happens during the mind-to-mind connection, which means he would now also know his possible fear for himself. And then now it is an even bigger problem, in which his boss might join in for the mind-to-mind connection, which is the worst possible case. And normally the boss does not believe what he "sees" so he gives up. It is just like I imagine some unbelievably notorious relationship between me and him, and trap myself into believing that and act accordingly, like trying to act fakely during public circumstances (this is what he thinks I am doing) But actually, when I try to act fakely, I am not actually conscientious that I am acting, I am just believing in something imaginary and acting in that certain way because of my obsessive compulsive disorder. Then the disorder kicks in again and I would start thinking of the bad consequences that could happen, like the boss knowing etc. After that it kicks in again, I fear that he would be scared for my bringing him to my imaginary vision which seems really dangerous if others manage to see it. So since he had a mind-to-mind connection, he knows completely of what I am thinking of and what situation I am forcing him to be in, so he would trace his fear back to me, and the ocd kicks in again by fearing that his fear that I created would cause him to hate me, and consequently affect how he treats me.

 

Like I realized what was going on and I thought it’s because I have exposed his bad thinking to his boss by mind-to mind connection so that’s why he got p*****. “If I think a certain way it will happen” if i think our relationship might get exposed, then he might get p***** off at me because i was the one bringing up the mind-to-mind thing to his boss or i was the one being no longer innocent or no longer able to act in front of authority (but i was in fact acting for what i believed was true or my imagination), (this thing is something scary because he might change my grades so I inevitably think of that thought and because of the inevitable thought of the thought coming true inevitably, which is itself a bad thing, then the truth comes inevitably) then he would really get p***** off at me, in which he did, which further strengthened my believe.

[Audrey822]

1 minute ago, alacroix said:

Wow, the longer I'm here and the more I read your guys' stories the more I'm relieved I'm not alone. Everyone, especially everyone who wants to overcome this, we're in this together, we've got this.

 

@Honey1992, I'm so sorry it got that bad but so glad for you you're getting past this. It's not that bad for me, yet, I hope to keep it that way but time will tell. For now I'm just still daydreaming and fantasizing but it's still heartbreaking knowing that's it'll ever be. 

@nikki114, yes I don't always succeed but I *try* to avoid googling him or following him at all costs to save my heart. If I do it's just strictly pictures to aid in my fantasies. That's probably even sadder, actually. I'm still a work in progress... 😳

 

@alacroix if you really want to overcome this, you have to stop the things you’re doing that are preventing you from doing so. This is like an addiction.  You have to get away from the computer or put down the device when the urge hits you to Google him. You can’t take baby steps if you want to stop an addiction. Unfollow him and just do it.  Any 12-step program would back me up on this. Unless you really have true feelings (meaning, unless you really love him) you’ll probably forget him more easily if you follow that advice. 

[nikki114]

40 minutes ago, alacroix said:

 yes I don't always succeed but I *try* to avoid googling him or following him at all costs to save my heart. If I do it's just strictly pictures to aid in my fantasies. That's probably even sadder, actually. I'm still a work in progress... 😳

That includes avoiding certain fan sites....

40 minutes ago, alacroix said:

 

 

 

[Audrey822]

2 minutes ago, nikki114 said:

That includes avoiding certain fan sites....

 

@alacroix it includes everything about him if you’re really trying to overcome him. This is advice I’m passing along from my therapist...not with regard to giving up my CO, of course (she knew that wasn’t my goal where he was concerned) but she and I discussed other issues as well. 

[alacroix]

Yes, thank you @Audrey822. I don't follow him on any site or anything like that, I just need to stop googling his gorgeous pictures online. But really what I need to do and which is the hardest is my mind - daydreaming and fantasizing because that's what I find is really getting in the way of being the mom and wife I should be. 

[Audrey822]

3 minutes ago, alacroix said:

Yes, thank you @Audrey822. I don't follow him on any site or anything like that, I just need to stop googling his gorgeous pictures online. But really what I need to do and which is the hardest is my mind - daydreaming and fantasizing because that's what I find is really getting in the way of being the mom and wife I should be. 

For that, I would suggest finding something to otherwise keep your mind very occupied...something that requires full concentration. Read*...play a game with your children, work puzzles, etc. Have patience, and don’t give in to the urge to Google. I wish you luck! 

*preferably not a romance novel 

Edited January 10, 2018 by Audrey822

[nikki114]

Do certain fans online make you feel like a loser for your CO?  For having different opinions about certain parts of his or her life?