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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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4 minutes ago, Helpme26 said:

The wildest fantasy? I guess that's being married to my CO. My biggest and wildest fantasy is just to be with him :icon12:

@Audrey822 I agree, Perhaps there ought to be started another thread for people who do have an "unhealthy" obsession. Like people like me for example. It would probably be an idea? Because then people who just have a general Obsession over their CO, won't be put in our category? 

I originally thought of starting a thread for those of us who don’t consider our COs unhealthy, but rather than doing that, I thought we could continue to stay here together....I tried to come up with a neutral title that doesn’t suggest healthy or unhealthy, and offers either help for those who need it (those who want to get rid of COs and considers them unhealthy), or support for those who just need that occasionally (like me.)  

It’s certainly up for discussion....so please discuss it!

Edited by Audrey822
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13 hours ago, Honey1992 said:

Hello all,

What are your wildest fantasy about your CO?

I don’t imagine you could get crazier than what my fantasy has been for all of my life...the whole alternate universe thing.  My alter ego is a pop star who has been married to my CO since 1968.  They have 3 children and a granddaughter.  If that’s not bad enough, I’m in love with him in real life. I’m the crazy aunt everyone tries to keep sequestered in the attic around here. 

Edited by Audrey822
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1 minute ago, Audrey822 said:

I originally thought of starting a thread for those of us who don’t consider our COs unhealthy, but rather than doing that, I thought we could continue to stay here together....I tried to come up with a neutral title that doesn’t suggest healthy or unhealthy, and offers either help for those who need it (those who want to get rid of COs and considers them unhealthy), or support for those who just need that occasionally (like me.)  

I'm fine either way, but it sounds like a good idea! I suppose those who have an unhealthy attachment to their CO can learn something from those who don't. I'm glad I can continue to use this group, especially through dark times like these :) 

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4 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

But I’ve never viewed this thread as a place for mere “fans”, being as it’s on Depression Forums (a mental health board.) When I got here, people didn’t come here to giggle and gush, they came because they were hurting about something, or had some sort of issue related to the celebrity obsession they needed support or help for. Go back and read the posts from early 2014...you’ll see the difference. 

 

1 hour ago, Audrey822 said:

Hey....I suggested a titled change to the thread because I didn’t think the term “Unhealthy” Obsession applied to everyone here (it doesn’t apply to me.) However, it will be changed back if anyone objects. 

I agree with the title change, Audrey. I came here as someone with underlying mental health issues who genuinely fell in love with a celebrity. My CO was not my problem – if anything he was a “solution” of sorts. The true problem was my entire life leading up to me falling for him. I came here because of my inability to deal with certain aspects of his personal life (his love life, of course). I was looking for support from others who were struggling with the same sort of thing. To this day, I’m still barely coping with things I can’t accept about his life. I have all the secondary problems that go along with that – feelings of intense envy, despair, self-loathing.

I’ve felt for a long time that I no longer belong on this thread, and I don’t mean that in a please pity me sort of way. It’s just a fact that my issue is a little extreme compared to what the majority of posters are going through now and I no longer feel comfortable fully expressing myself. I have to wonder how many lurkers have been turned off of posting or signing up due to this change that’s been occurring over a long period of time. This is supposed to be a mental health forum where people talk about the mental health-related issues associated with “celebrity obsession”. Describing what we’re doing as “unhealthy” seems inappropriate given that context. For those of us who are in love and/or feel a deep sense of admiration for our COs, it adds an unnecessary stigma and sense of shame to what we’re experiencing. That said, I’ve noticed that for a certain number of people who have discovered this thread – the word ‘unhealthy’ is actually not so inaccurate. Maybe we do need to have two different threads going now, as @Helpme26 suggested. 

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@posie_riot I’ve had underlying mental health issues that have been related to my alter ego and/or celebrity obsession as I detailed on Friday.  It’s those mental health issues that are unhealthy.  My CO, my fantasies, are the coping mechanism that have helped me to get through all that.  Then...something went awry, and that’s what brought me here.  I needed support most of all.  I needed to sort it all out.  But through all of that, I never...not for one minute...ever considered wanting to rid myself of my CO.  I never considered him a problem in my life...he’s not unhealthy to me at all.  I’ve explained all that.  

Like you, there have been times....most of the time lately, to be honest, when I haven’t felt like I still belong here...it’s become more like a fan site than a mental health forum these days.  I would like to encourage those who just want a fan site to join a Facebook group because those of us who need mental health support need this thread for that purpose.  

Edited by Audrey822
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16 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

@posie_riot I’ve had underlying mental health issues that have been related to my alter ego and/or celebrity obsession as I detailed on Friday.  It’s those mental health issues that are unhealthy.  My CO, my fantasies, are the coping mechanism that have helped me to get through all that.  Then...something went awry, and that’s what brought me here.  I needed support most of all.  I needed to sort it all out.  But through all of that, I never...not for one minute...ever considered wanting to rid myself of my CO.  I never considered him a problem in my life...he’s not unhealthy to me at all.  I’ve explained all that.  

Like you, there have been times....most of the time lately, to be honest, when I haven’t felt like I still belong here...it’s become more like a fan site than a mental health forum these days.  I would like to encourage those who just want a fan site to join a Facebook group because those of us who need mental health support need this thread for that purpose.  

I think everyone found the thread for whatever reasons they found it, and I think everyone who WANTS to be here belongs here. What you might consider to be "giggling and gushing" might be how someone else deals with their own depression and mental health issues. As long as we can all be respectful of one another, I think we can all coexist. :)

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1 minute ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

I think everyone found the thread for whatever reasons they found it, and I think everyone who WANTS to be here belongs here. What you might consider to be "giggling and gushing" might be how someone else deals with their own depression and mental health issues. As long as we can all be respectful of one another, I think we can all coexist. :)

I get that @HopelessRomantic2011...there’s always been a certain amount of that.  I’m mostly saying we can’t lose sight of the fact that this is primarily a mental health forum rather than a fan site. 

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I'm definitely on the verge of being unhealthy, if I'm not already there... I am able to live my life right now at least and take care of my kids, but still I feel like I could be a better mom. My husband and are, on the other hand, we'll we've been better, and I'm not sure if it's because of my 'unhealthy' obsession over my British fantasy but it certainly doesn't help...

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2 hours ago, alacroix said:

I'm definitely on the verge of being unhealthy, if I'm not already there... I am able to live my life right now at least and take care of my kids, but still I feel like I could be a better mom. My husband and are, on the other hand, we'll we've been better, and I'm not sure if it's because of my 'unhealthy' obsession over my British fantasy but it certainly doesn't help...

do you think a CO is enough to cause a problem in a healthy marriage?  In my case, I probably turned more attention to my CO because my marriage was unhealthy (never really was healthy, but I spent a long time in denial.) 

If you do think your CO is causing the problem in your otherwise healthy marriage, and, assuming you want to save your marriage (I think that’s what you’re saying) I would suggest getting rid of everything associated with your CO.  Just get rid of everything...because your real life marriage is more important, if you have a good one. 

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Wait, is it okay to post about obsessive/compulsive disorders relating/caused to a CO? That's what I had so it's what I can try to help people with (not much I admit)

Though I can't say I'm obsessed anymore, since I don't think about him every second like I used to. It's an unrequited love at this point for me, with the added problem that you know , it's almost impossible, and problems with the celebrity status like trying to avoid them or not.

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1 minute ago, random alice said:

Wait, is it okay to post about obsessive/compulsive disorders relating/caused to a CO? That's what I had so it's what I can try to help people with (not much I admit)

Though I can't say I'm obsessed anymore, since I don't think about him every second like I used to. It's an unrequited love at this point for me, with the added problem that you know , it's almost impossible, and problems with the celebrity status like trying to avoid them or not.

Obsessive/compulsive disorders is what this is all about.  That’s a mental health issue.  That’s a perfect example of what should be discussed here. 

Edited by Audrey822
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Just now, random alice said:

@Audrey822Oh okay, sorry I misunderstood ^^

I noticed you mentioned that it’s an unrequited love for you...that’s how I see mine, too....that fits much better than “celebrity obsession” in my opinion.  But I have mental health disorders that are related to this unrequited love, and that’s why I’m here. Some are causes and some are effects. 

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5 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

Hey....I suggested a titled change to the thread because I didn’t think the term “Unhealthy” Obsession applied to everyone here (it doesn’t apply to me.) However, it will be changed back if anyone objects. 

For people who feel it is "Unhealthy" will they know or still have access to the original thread/title.  That's how I knew this place was right for me because it was or is unhealthy for me (many others).  Just asking, believing I'm speaking for those out there who don't know where to go or where to look for help and support/understanding.  Thanks Audrey!  :)

PS -- I'm not objecting, just wondering.  I think the new title is still helpful and clear to anyone seeking help and understanding.

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That's exactly it @Audrey822, I don't really have anything to get rid of, unless I literally get rid of my mind. How do I train my brain to stop fantasizing all the time?!?? I do want to get my life back together, for both my kids and my husband, and especially for myself. But it's just SO hard...

And maybe it does have something to do with some OCD disorder, I am prone to that but I never necessarily thought of myself as being really OCD. It probably does play into this though maybe more than I ever thought. I do suffer from bad anxiety and it does help my get away from all that.

 

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1 hour ago, HeatherG said:

For people who feel it is "Unhealthy" will they know or still have access to the original thread/title.  That's how I knew this place was right for me because it was or is unhealthy for me (many others).  Just asking, believing I'm speaking for those out there who don't know where to go or where to look for help and support/understanding.  Thanks Audrey!  :)

PS -- I'm not objecting, just wondering.  I think the new title is still helpful and clear to anyone seeking help and understanding.

There’s only the one thread title, @HeatherG....I thought having a neutral title could fit all of us under the umbrella: those who find having a CO “unhealthy” and those who don’t.  

If you’d come across the thread as it’s titled now: “Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support” ... do you think you would have felt less inclined to join, thinking it was not right for you just because the word “unhealthy” isn’t explicitly stated in the thread title?  (Serious question.)

Edited by Audrey822
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46 minutes ago, alacroix said:

That's exactly it @Audrey822, I don't really have anything to get rid of, unless I literally get rid of my mind. How do I train my brain to stop fantasizing all the time?!?? I do want to get my life back together, for both my kids and my husband, and especially for myself. But it's just SO hard...

And maybe it does have something to do with some OCD disorder, I am prone to that but I never necessarily thought of myself as being really OCD. It probably does play into this though maybe more than I ever thought. I do suffer from bad anxiety and it does help my get away from all that.

 

Excuse me for this but I once saw a quote that said “If you can’t get someone off of your mind, they’re probably supposed to be there.”

But you don’t want him there, so you have to find a way to get him out.  The only other thing I can think of to suggest to you is: distract yourself.  Keep your mind occupied as much as possible so that it’s almost impossible to think of this person.  Read, do crossword puzzles, anything that will keep your mind occupied.  Obviously you can’t do that 24/7 so there will be times when you’re doing mindless tasks and he’ll probably creep into your thoughts....but hopefully less as time goes on. 

Good luck.

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Just now, Audrey822 said:

There’s only the one thread title, @HeatherG....I thought having a neutral title could fit all of us under the umbrella: those who find having a CO “unhealthy” and those who don’t.  

If you’d come across the thread as it’s titled now: “Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support” ... do you think you would have felt less inclined join, thinking it was not right for you just because the word “unhealthy” isn’t explicitly stated in the thread title?  (Serious question.)

Honestly, I would have still come aboard and signed on.  Remember I'm not objecting.  I just wanted to make sure those who don't have a healthy obsession still come (on in) aboard.  Thanks hon for hearing me out.  I appreciate it :)

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2 minutes ago, HeatherG said:

Honestly, I would have still come aboard and signed on.  Remember I'm not objecting.  I just wanted to make sure those who don't have a healthy obsession still come (on in) aboard.  Thanks hon for hearing me out.  I appreciate it :)

I understand you’re not objecting.  We’re discussing the change, and that’s a good thing.  That’s what I was hoping would happen.  

To answer your question, I think they would.  I don’t see why not, because the thread isn’t specifying that it’s for only those with a healthy obsession or for those with an unhealthy obsession.  It’s for anyone now.  (I think it always was, but since it said “unhealthy” before, it may have turned away those who didn’t think their obsession was unhealthy.) 

 

Edited by Audrey822
I’m so tired of having to go back and correct auto-corrects!
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Just now, Audrey822 said:

I understand you’re not objecting.  We’re discussing the change, and that’s a good thing.  That’s what I was hoping would happen.  

To answer your question, I think they would.  I don’t see why not, because the thread isn’t specifying that it’s for only those with a healthy obsession or for those with an unhealthy obsession.  It’s for anyone now.  (I think it always was, but since it said “unhealthy” before, it may have turned away those who didn’t think they obsession was unhealthy.) 

Now that you're showing both sides, I think it's a great correction if anything!  The obsession can be healthy and not healthy.  Good looking out Audrey!!  

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It's fine with the title change. I agree that 'unhealthy' ought to be taken out because for some, it's a positive thing. Thank you, Audrey, for having it changed.

I'm probably most in alignment with @alacroix. My CO admiration, and thoughts, and daydreams, and sometimes heartache, (on and off) affects me as a wife and mom. I'm guilty of spending too much time with fanfiction when I could be doing more productive writing (like short stories for publishing) and even just cleaning the house or playing board games with my youngest more often. 

I have depression, but it ebbs and wanes, from feeling almost normal and happy some days to complete despair in others. On a good day, I can spend less time in fan/movie/CO related activities, but on a bad day, I like to use the fictional characters as an escape. Not my CO though. Seeing anything about him is a little heartbreaking, (mild now, compared to more painful last spring and summer when the CO episode was at its peak). I still adore him and not only am I not his wife, but he'll never be part of my life in any way. I try to focus only on the fictional characters.

Does anyone carry an object around that represents your CO? Some people in this thread mentioned having the person's picture as their lock screen, or a photo near their bed or in a drawer. I have a silly one- when I was Christmas shopping a few weeks ago, I saw these little Beanie Baby keychains. I found a keychain of the animated character my CO did the voice for in a popular family movie. So I bought it and put my key on it, and 'he' goes in my purse or coat pocket wherever I go. <3 

Edited by imalittleteapot
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@Audrey,

One question: How did you manage to change the title? I didn't think that was possible, lol! But since you somehow managed to get the title changed, I do think it's an improvement, imo. I have often felt uncomfortable with the word "unhealthy" in there, although I am sure that the original poster felt that her obsession was truly unhealthy. I respect that it was probably that way for her, but this is such an old thread, and she has left long ago, and it has become more of a help/support group for anyone who needs help. It's now about everybody, and we are not all the same, so it's good to make the title more inclusive. Perhaps my obsession has really become "unhealthy" for me, but I still don't like the "unhealthy" title because it makes me feel stigmatized and it does add a sense of shame, as someone else mentioned here. So I do like the new title better because it feels more inclusive and less judgemental.

I think the title would sound even better if you replace the "help or support" with "help and support." I think "and" sounds better than "or" in this case. But that would be a very minor change. Otherwise I really like the new title.

Edited by BlueStarr
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3 minutes ago, alacroix said:

I'm here for ya, @imalittleteapot! If you ever want/need to talk I'm here!

And no, I'm not sure there is anything out there honestly I can get, besides a poster or something like that, which I won't do since my hubby doesn't know. If I were to find something discreet I'd probably get it though 😊

Thank you so much, alacroix. I still sometimes feel really sad about this, becuase it steals the joy of married life away from me, just because I'm not actually friends (or in a romance) with this actor I've only known about for less than 5 years.

Discreet is good. To the world, having a cartoon character on a keychain is cute and fun and quirky, but when I'm walking outside sometimes I stick my hand in the pocket and feel the little guy/creature/thing whatever you call him, and it's a silly little connection to my CO. :)

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