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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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Hi.

On 13/12/2017 at 10:51 AM, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

I'm sure being a caregiver is amazingly tough. You're doing much more every day than lots of us do at our jobs, so don't feel like you're less important than anyone else. I'm sorry that you're feeling down right now, but I do hope that it's only temporary and you're able to find your happy place again.

 

It's pretty damn tough. I'm Indian and cricket is in our blood (Yep, the guy I'm nuts about plays cricket. Seriously.) My father doesn't like to go out; he's scared, he's worried, he's embarrassed. But my crazy imagination had thoughts of my CO getting special hospitality and transport for my father because he wants to watch cricket live but it's just impossible.

On 13/12/2017 at 1:07 PM, HeatherG said:

Honey you do add something to this world.  A lot.  Please don't believe you don't.  For me, I didn't have to worry about a COs wife or gf because I was already warned it was possible (secretly dating his costar), so for me I knew it was possible so when it became public info -- I had been warned.  My stomach still dropped, chest felt tight, I felt sick, like, my world had been turned upside down.  What did I do?  I just went to bed and tried to imagine me as that gf.  With my over-active imagination somehow I've been able to make that work.  It also helps I have a standby CO to go to.  But I wish I had no COs, I'm so tired of how I am.  Let me know how you're doing okay?  Keep me/us updated, okay?  :console:

Thank you. I also have an over-active imagination and like I said, I conjured up an impossible dream, which when I think about is a very cheesy dream to have.

On 13/12/2017 at 2:02 PM, Audrey822 said:

I understand the disbelief. Never in all of 50 years have I had to think that way until these last 7 months. When everything was finally going so well...I’d just met him 3 months before that, and it went so well. I’m heartbroken. But I still love him, and I always will.

You asked “what did you do?” I’m different from others here. I don’t live in the real world, and I’m fortunate that my CO isn’t so famous that I have to see news about him unless I seek it out. 

You may or may not know this, but I’m the Crazy Aunt in the DF Attic. I’ve had an alter ego since childhood...she’s me, only better. In an alternate universe (aka, my imagination) my CO has always been married to my AE, and he still is. Reality doesn’t touch that. Reality has tried (and succeeded) to wreck my world a few times since September 2013 when I first learned he’d been married and divorced twice in the past. I just decided to ignore those things. Those other women and events (including the current one, of course) don’t exist in my alter ego’s world. In Crazy Town, I try to keep everything the way it always was. 

This may sound off-the-wall to you, but keep in mind...this is a mental health forum; it should be expected to find people with mental health issues in this thread  (*raises hand*) Mental health issues were behind the creation of my alter ego, and escapism was behind the deep immersion into these fantasies. To this day, they remain the only source of love and romance I have ever had in my life, and the only thing I have to live for besides my sons...I told my therapist that I feel as if I’ve really been married to my CO for 50 years (although I’m not really old enough for that in reality.)

Little by little, I had to put my CO back in that information dead zone that he’d been in between the 1970s until 2013. While I was happy at times to be able to have information about him again, there were other times when certain information was more harmful than helpful. So, social media and searching is banned.  I have his music and I have lots of photos...that will have to do.  I will never see him in real time again. That’s sad, but it’s necessary. Any new photos of him playing his guitar show that damned ring on his finger.  I cannot see that. 

You say you add nothing to the world...then you say you’re a full-time caregiver to your father who has cancer.  Where would your father be without you? You’re adding something very important to his world...that’s all that matters right now. Cherish these moments with him, and take good care of him. I know how difficult and challenging it can be to take on the responsiblities of a full-time caregiver, but you won’t regret doing this when you look back. Don’t for one minute diminish the importance of what you’re doing. It’s understandable you might need support....if you need to talk, we’re here to listen. :console:

I get what you're saying shut yourself off form social media, but my CO and SHE are on every single website. I can't escape them. I could unfollow him but I've followed his accounts since before she even met him, I saw something in him years and years ago. And what you're saying about the ring; I know exactly what you mean. In the ten years I've known about him, he's always been very career focused and seeing him wearing...THAT, it's painful and I'm never gonna get used to it.

I'm not doing anything overly special for my dad. He raised me, I'm just repaying a small part of the bigger things he's done for me. You're gonna rue the day you said that you're there if I need to talk. Thank you; whining is something I'll be doing a lot of.

On 13/12/2017 at 7:11 PM, posie_riot said:

My heart really goes out to you @sv14. I wish your CO could see and appreciate your dedication to him. It isn't fair, and now he's stuck (for the time being) with a woman who seems to have some ulterior motives. For his sake and yours, I hope he wakes up eventually. 

I have to state the obvious here. Marriage doesn't mean what it used to mean. Don't think that all is lost and that he's trapped with this (likely ill-suited) woman forever. You asked what I did when I found out about my own CO's marriage. I started telling myself right away that he'll probably get divorced. It doesn't make the current situation any easier, but I'm not going to give up hope that this situation he's in won't last forever. 

Echoing what others have said...being a full-time carer for your father is an incredibly important and meaningful job. Your father is incredibly lucky to have you to take care of him. What you're doing is amazing :hearthrob:  You're adding more to the world than most people. 

I hope you're right. Right now as I type this, they're having the first of their two wedding receptions. When he moves from the city that he's lived his entire life to the new lavish apartment that he's bought with and renovated with HIS money only that she's also gonna bunk in, that'll be everywhere. He and his team are gonna fly out to tour another country and she's gonna be there, she's always gonna be there.

Thank you. I don't feel I'm doing anything special for my father. But thank you, it's lovely to hear.

If I ever mention her transgressions on other sites, which are all true, I get people saying I'm unhappy with my life, why don't I **** myself? I've been on anti-depressants for almost three years and I would welcome death. I don't think he's my CO, he's my O. No one's gonna take that place.

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1 minute ago, sv14 said:

Hi.

It's pretty damn tough. I'm Indian and cricket is in our blood (Yep, the guy I'm nuts about plays cricket. Seriously.) My father doesn't like to go out; he's scared, he's worried, he's embarrassed. But my crazy imagination had thoughts of my CO getting special hospitality and transport for my father because he wants to watch cricket live but it's just impossible.

Thank you. I also have an over-active imagination and like I said, I conjured up an impossible dream, which when I think about is a very cheesy dream to have.

I get what you're saying shut yourself off form social media, but my CO and SHE are on every single website. I can't escape them. I could unfollow him but I've followed his accounts since before she even met him, I saw something in him years and years ago. And what you're saying about the ring; I know exactly what you mean. In the ten years I've known about him, he's always been very career focused and seeing him wearing...THAT, it's painful and I'm never gonna get used to it.

I'm not doing anything overly special for my dad. He raised me, I'm just repaying a small part of the bigger things he's done for me. You're gonna rue the day you said that you're there if I need to talk. Thank you; whining is something I'll be doing a lot of.

I hope you're right. Right now as I type this, they're having the first of their two wedding receptions. When he moves from the city that he's lived his entire life to the new lavish apartment that he's bought with and renovated with HIS money only that she's also gonna bunk in, that'll be everywhere. He and his team are gonna fly out to tour another country and she's gonna be there, she's always gonna be there.

Thank you. I don't feel I'm doing anything special for my father. But thank you, it's lovely to hear.

If I ever mention her transgressions on other sites, which are all true, I get people saying I'm unhappy with my life, why don't I **** myself? I've been on anti-depressants for almost three years and I would welcome death. I don't think he's my CO, he's my O. No one's gonna take that place.

Hey honey!  Listen, don't ever worry and call yourself a whiner because no one whines more than I DO.  Just ask my family, it's why they can't stand me!  LOL.  Listen, your dream is NOT cheesy, is mine?  Okay then! 

Do what you can for now to get by, and see a therapist about this.  If you're thinking about death please let a therapist know, maybe a psychiatrist needs to change your meds or dosage. 

I'm going to need meds to deal with what I've gone through -- do what I can to shut it down but it's not easy.  This isn't easy, you know that, we know that.  But don't beat yourself up over this, okay my dear?  We're here for you, post, dm, chatbox, just let us know.  And thank you for updating us.  This is a lot for you to process.  We're all dealing with how to process all that goes on with our COs.  And I know the feeling of not being able to get away because certain COs ARE everywhere all the time.  Particularly if you've got a popular one.  So hang in there, and know we care, okay?  Take care my friend.  :)  :hugs:

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22 minutes ago, sv14 said:

I hope you're right. Right now as I type this, they're having the first of their two wedding receptions. When he moves from the city that he's lived his entire life to the new lavish apartment that he's bought with and renovated with HIS money only that she's also gonna bunk in, that'll be everywhere. He and his team are gonna fly out to tour another country and she's gonna be there, she's always gonna be there.

Thank you. I don't feel I'm doing anything special for my father. But thank you, it's lovely to hear.

If I ever mention her transgressions on other sites, which are all true, I get people saying I'm unhappy with my life, why don't I **** myself? I've been on anti-depressants for almost three years and I would welcome death. I don't think he's my CO, he's my O. No one's gonna take that place.

Thank you. I also have an over-active imagination and like I said, I conjured up an impossible dream, which when I think about is a very cheesy dream to have.

I understand the over-active imagination.  That got me where I am too.  It seems like a curse when you’re going through a very painful spot like now (I know...it will be 7 months ago tomorrow for me, and it never stops hurting...never) but it’s mostly a blessing because my over-active imagination``````````````` provides a nice escape from reality, and reality sucks.   

I could unfollow him but I've followed his accounts since before she even met him, I saw something in him years and years ago. And what you're saying about the ring; I know exactly what you mean. In the ten years I've known about him, he's always been very career focused and seeing him wearing...THAT, it's painful and I'm never gonna get used to it.

It’s not fair.  You were there for him before she was. :console:Me too.  Long before she was.  I know she doesn’t love my CO the way I do.  I’ll bet that’s also true about you...I’ll bet she doesn’t love your CO the way you do.  These men don’t know what they’re missing.  

I'm not doing anything overly special for my dad. He raised me, I'm just repaying a small part of the bigger things he's done for me. You're gonna rue the day you said that you're there if I need to talk. Thank you; whining is something I'll be doing a lot of.

It’s not that you’re doing anything “special” for him...your presence is enough.  So many children shamefully leave their parents to die alone.  You know that, right?  Parents don’t expect or want to be repaid....not good parents, anyway.  Don’t sell short what you’re doing for your father.  It’s to be appreciated (and I’m sure he does) even though you wouldn’t dream of doing anything else.  

And trust me, I won’t “rue the day” I said you could talk anytime....I’ve been through a lot of what you’re going through....including caring for my sick father.  I know you’re going to need support for that as well as for what you just learned about your CO.  You and I have a couple of unfortunate things in common.  I’m not caring for my father anymore; he passed away (on my CO’s birthday) in 1999, but I’m sure my CO isn’t through messing with me yet.  We can support and help each other get through this.  :hugs:

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Oh wow, read some of your posts and I'm feeling for you guys :( I hope you all get to feel good things during the holidays, personally I don't like it... too much to think and feel

Now this is really silly, I just watched Sleepless in Seattle again lol and wanna cry?!?!? hahahahah such a silly old movie, and I'm never gonna find someone who makes me feel like he does right? And it's just a silly movie to meet the person you wanted to meet and be with right? I wish someone would go "no, go after him I'll help you let's go" hahahaha... I want that so much
Well it had been a good while since I last cried

I want to send hugs and apologize I still feel too fragile to read some things but at the same time it's still nice to remember there are people who understand.

I "quit" him (watching him) and time and meds and distractions have made things so much more tolerable, I hope you get to that point. But I don't think it'll just go away...

I keep  being obsessed with other things. Like lately it's been what I wish I had a career in (since I have none), drawing, so I've been drawing a bunch of things nonstop, I lose interest in everything else. Before that, it was a game. Before the game, it was a tv show. And before that a game again. I skip sleep completely and sometimes cleaning and eating and taking care of myself. 

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On 26/12/2017 at 0:32 AM, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Merry Christmas everyone! I went to see my CO’s new movie today, so that was one of my gifts to myself. :)

Happy Holidays to everyone!! Hope you had peace, good times and live!

Well, I also gave myself a CO-related present, which very excitingly arrived yesterday...
my CO's shoes!! 😂😂

Let me explain... what happened was she donated a whole load of her old clothes and shoes to a charity she supports, and they put everything up for auction on their eBay page. 

So there they are - black and white striped D&G heels! And the great thing is, they look worn, lived in... the front part is a bit worn away, and the inside is a bit discoloured - you can tell her feet have been in them, like there's a little bit of her essence there!

Maybe this is a bit weird or creepy, sorry if it is, but it just feels so special to have them, and I can't stop looking at them!

Does anyone else have any personal item of their CO? Maybe not shoes, but a signed pic, souvenir, whatever?

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6 hours ago, SeSa said:

Happy Holidays to everyone!! Hope you had peace, good times and live!

Well, I also gave myself a CO-related present, which very excitingly arrived yesterday...
my CO's shoes!! 😂😂

Let me explain... what happened was she donated a whole load of her old clothes and shoes to a charity she supports, and they put everything up for auction on their eBay page. 

So there they are - black and white striped D&G heels! And the great thing is, they look worn, lived in... the front part is a bit worn away, and the inside is a bit discoloured - you can tell her feet have been in them, like there's a little bit of her essence there!

Maybe this is a bit weird or creepy, sorry if it is, but it just feels so special to have them, and I can't stop looking at them!

Does anyone else have any personal item of their CO? Maybe not shoes, but a signed pic, souvenir, whatever?

Cool, congrats on getting the shoes! 😄 I have some autographed stuff, but nothing too exciting. 

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7 hours ago, SeSa said:

Happy Holidays to everyone!! Hope you had peace, good times and live!

Well, I also gave myself a CO-related present, which very excitingly arrived yesterday...
my CO's shoes!! 😂😂

Let me explain... what happened was she donated a whole load of her old clothes and shoes to a charity she supports, and they put everything up for auction on their eBay page. 

So there they are - black and white striped D&G heels! And the great thing is, they look worn, lived in... the front part is a bit worn away, and the inside is a bit discoloured - you can tell her feet have been in them, like there's a little bit of her essence there!

Maybe this is a bit weird or creepy, sorry if it is, but it just feels so special to have them, and I can't stop looking at them!

Does anyone else have any personal item of their CO? Maybe not shoes, but a signed pic, souvenir, whatever?

Happy Holidays to you ....and to all the members of the CO thread! 

Congratulations on getting those shoes! I know it’s very exciting to have something from your CO. 

You asked: Does anyone else have any personal item of their CO? Maybe not shoes, but a signed pic, souvenir, whatever?

yes!  The first time I got something he signed was a little less than 2 years ago. I’d been buying old magazines on eBay, and when I was searching for the magazines, I’d always see autographed photos of the band for sale. I finally decided to buy one. It wasn’t until it arrived and I opened the envelope that I realized: omg! I am holding something in my hand that HE also held in HIS hands! :hearts:

Things got even better: I met him last February...the story is in the thread, but to answer your question, he signed a photo with a personal message for me. :icon12: I have that, I have the pen he used to write with, I have the coat I wore when he put his arm around me to take a photo with me :icon12:...I almost slept in that coat that night. :hearthrob:

Take care of those shoes....when you say you can’t stop looking at them, I completely understand!!  :Coopwink:

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On 20/12/2017 at 7:40 PM, HeatherG said:

How did therapy go?  Maybe speak to your therapist about your fears in revealing to your group about your CO. 

Honey most of us get hurt and have hurt feelings and broken hearts before we find the right one.  But can you imagine how the world would be if we decided, life isn't worth living because of "it hasn't worked out?" 

I know that sadness, but it's the depression clouding your thoughts and making you believe none of this will ever work out.  You don't know that right now.  It's best to work this out in therapy and see how you feel maybe, some months from now.  Take it day by day.  Therapy helps us sort things out, see what's really going on and not based on our "feelings."  Feelings are so tricky.  They've made me imagine the worst, that, the world is coming to an end or sometimes making me wish the world ended.

I look back, and that was not reality.  That how I was feeling at that moment.  At that time.  Mixed in with depression. 

Please give therapy a chance.  Try to enjoy these holidays.  A new year is coming and I'm hoping new opportunities, new friends, new outlook, new you and new me.  Who knows?  Let's give the new year a chance :)

:hugs:

Hi guys, sorry I haven't replied much or been very active but I've been WAY down about my CO. I couldn't even bring myself to write here because it made me so terribly suicidal (I'm okay though, I haven't done anything.)

Therapy was okay, but I still can't tell my group about it. I am giving therapy a chance (I've been there for 2 years after all.) so it's not like I'm giving up on it.  And my feelings keep getting stronger and stronger. And it makes me sadder and sadder that I don't know him and can't be with him. I still feel worthless when I'm not with him. I constantly dream of him being with me and I imagine him in every single day scenario in my life. sometimes I talk out loud to pretend he's there. Thinking about doing a letter or how I could meet him again, but it  neeever works. I've tried for so long. It really depresses me. 

Thanks for the kind words though. I tried to, with my whole heart, to meet guys and go on dates. But I keep running into bad ones who talk down to me or treat me like . And when I finally meet a kind one I can't stop thinking; well... he's not my CO. And the others reminds me how flawed most men are and that they are scumbags, but my CO is such a wonderful - and very typical - english gentleman. 

Thanks for the very kind words though :) My Christmas and this New Year has been horrible. I've spend it alone and all I could think about was my CO and how he would spend his holidays and new years. Imagining me with him and us celebrating new years. 

Alas, I have to GET over HIM! I can't be with him, I've tried for years and years and it's not making my life happy, at all. 

On top of that my best friend had been hospitalized with a blood clot in her heart right after Christmas. She's still at the hospital and I'm so nervous about loosing her. I don't know what I would do if I loose her.

It's a terrible start on New Year. I feel like every single year I've been like: This year will be different! I'll be happier, I'll forget about my CO and FINALLY get a boyfriend (After 10 years of being single 10 YEARS NOW), and at least I feel like: Oh well I'm at my lowest of the low, now it can only go up. But it always just keeps going down down down down. I'm like!??!?! What!? This year I have no expectations. I just think things will be the same. 

I'm sorry I'm being so negative. I truly appreciate you trying to cheer me up, and I'm super sorry that I'm just bumming everyone out here on New Years. 

So sorry about that. 

ANYWAY. Happy New Year to all of you. I hope you all have had a fantastic new year celebration!

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2 hours ago, Helpme26 said:

Hi guys, sorry I haven't replied much or been very active but I've been WAY down about my CO. I couldn't even bring myself to write here because it made me so terribly suicidal (I'm okay though, I haven't done anything.)

Therapy was okay, but I still can't tell my group about it. I am giving therapy a chance (I've been there for 2 years after all.) so it's not like I'm giving up on it.  And my feelings keep getting stronger and stronger. And it makes me sadder and sadder that I don't know him and can't be with him. I still feel worthless when I'm not with him. I constantly dream of him being with me and I imagine him in every single day scenario in my life. sometimes I talk out loud to pretend he's there. Thinking about doing a letter or how I could meet him again, but it  neeever works. I've tried for so long. It really depresses me. 

Thanks for the kind words though. I tried to, with my whole heart, to meet guys and go on dates. But I keep running into bad ones who talk down to me or treat me like . And when I finally meet a kind one I can't stop thinking; well... he's not my CO. And the others reminds me how flawed most men are and that they are scumbags, but my CO is such a wonderful - and very typical - english gentleman. 

Thanks for the very kind words though :) My Christmas and this New Year has been horrible. I've spend it alone and all I could think about was my CO and how he would spend his holidays and new years. Imagining me with him and us celebrating new years. 

Alas, I have to GET over HIM! I can't be with him, I've tried for years and years and it's not making my life happy, at all. 

On top of that my best friend had been hospitalized with a blood clot in her heart right after Christmas. She's still at the hospital and I'm so nervous about loosing her. I don't know what I would do if I loose her.

It's a terrible start on New Year. I feel like every single year I've been like: This year will be different! I'll be happier, I'll forget about my CO and FINALLY get a boyfriend (After 10 years of being single 10 YEARS NOW), and at least I feel like: Oh well I'm at my lowest of the low, now it can only go up. But it always just keeps going down down down down. I'm like!??!?! What!? This year I have no expectations. I just think things will be the same. 

I'm sorry I'm being so negative. I truly appreciate you trying to cheer me up, and I'm super sorry that I'm just bumming everyone out here on New Years. 

So sorry about that. 

ANYWAY. Happy New Year to all of you. I hope you all have had a fantastic new year celebration!

Thanks for updating us. I do hope your best friend will be ok and that 2018 will be a better year for you. Since you want to get over your CO, I do wish you luck in doing so.

Happy New Year, everyone! I’m not doing anything exciting. Just relaxing at home with my cat. 😄

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@Helpme26 I’m so sorry you’re going through a rough patch lately.  We’re here whenever you need a shoulder to lean on or someone to talk to....don’t hesitate to come in and vent.  I’ll keep your friend in my thoughts and prayers....I hope she’s better soon.

@HopelessRomantic2011 I’m not doing anything exciting either.   :ermm:

 :new-year-confetti-smiley-emoticon:   :Party_fest30:  Happy New Year everyone!! 

 

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Happy New Year to everyone!! I first discovered this thread a year ago, and I feel lucky to have found so many kind, empathetic and non-judgemental people, and a place to be understood!

@Helpme26, I'm sorry too that you've had a bad time, but you say that now things can only get better! They can! The first step is to believe it, then you can work towards it! All the best for your friend's recovery too!

And to everybody, however good or bad 2017 has been, I hope you will have happiness, good times and success in whatever you're aiming to do in 2018!!

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Thanks all, thank you for understanding. 

It's a hard time. Knowing he's back in London right now (with people having seen him) makes me constantly want to go there again and give it another try - I am just certain that's not a good idea. Nope.

But alas, he's in my head constantly. It's really messing with me. I hate it. 

have you all had a great leap into the new year? 

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22 hours ago, Helpme26 said:

Hi guys, sorry I haven't replied much or been very active but I've been WAY down about my CO. I couldn't even bring myself to write here because it made me so terribly suicidal (I'm okay though, I haven't done anything.)

Therapy was okay, but I still can't tell my group about it. I am giving therapy a chance (I've been there for 2 years after all.) so it's not like I'm giving up on it.  And my feelings keep getting stronger and stronger. And it makes me sadder and sadder that I don't know him and can't be with him. I still feel worthless when I'm not with him. I constantly dream of him being with me and I imagine him in every single day scenario in my life. sometimes I talk out loud to pretend he's there. Thinking about doing a letter or how I could meet him again, but it  neeever works. I've tried for so long. It really depresses me. 

Thanks for the kind words though. I tried to, with my whole heart, to meet guys and go on dates. But I keep running into bad ones who talk down to me or treat me like . And when I finally meet a kind one I can't stop thinking; well... he's not my CO. And the others reminds me how flawed most men are and that they are scumbags, but my CO is such a wonderful - and very typical - english gentleman. 

Thanks for the very kind words though :) My Christmas and this New Year has been horrible. I've spend it alone and all I could think about was my CO and how he would spend his holidays and new years. Imagining me with him and us celebrating new years. 

Alas, I have to GET over HIM! I can't be with him, I've tried for years and years and it's not making my life happy, at all. 

On top of that my best friend had been hospitalized with a blood clot in her heart right after Christmas. She's still at the hospital and I'm so nervous about loosing her. I don't know what I would do if I loose her.

It's a terrible start on New Year. I feel like every single year I've been like: This year will be different! I'll be happier, I'll forget about my CO and FINALLY get a boyfriend (After 10 years of being single 10 YEARS NOW), and at least I feel like: Oh well I'm at my lowest of the low, now it can only go up. But it always just keeps going down down down down. I'm like!??!?! What!? This year I have no expectations. I just think things will be the same. 

I'm sorry I'm being so negative. I truly appreciate you trying to cheer me up, and I'm super sorry that I'm just bumming everyone out here on New Years. 

So sorry about that. 

ANYWAY. Happy New Year to all of you. I hope you all have had a fantastic new year celebration!

Honey no need to apologize.  We've all been or we are all where you are in dealing with a CO.  I'm so sorry that this is so hard, I completely understand and I know how it feels.  Are you also seeing a psychiatrist -- though I'm not sure but have heard medication can calm some anxieties.  You've been in therapy for two years, do you feel you're feeling any better?  What does your therapist say?  Also, I'm so sorry your friend is in the hospital.   I hope your friend will be alright.  --  Right now, if you're not working -- are you volunteering or staying busy?  Inactivity will definitely have your CO on your mind 24/7.  I find when I'm busy, my CO is off my mind more and I'm enjoying the moment either staying busy, writing, family, raising my nephew.  In this New Year, staying busy can mean a healthier mind.  And right now, for me, I wouldn't be seeking to meet dates/men, because I want to be right for me first.  I need to find out why my mind has been locked on COs, basically, me not wanting or fearing real life and real relationships.  --  Right now, I'm reading about my conditions.  I'm seeking a psychologist, I'm going on new meds and staying busy trying to get back to work (doubtful), but I'm going to stay busy raising my nephew which takes a lot of my time.  --  Sure, at anytime all this could fall apart and me with it.  But all I can do is try.  I know you'll try, and I hope to hear more updates and less apologizing for being down.   Honey, you're human!  Don't be so hard on yourself.  We're here for you, we all care and want you to know that.  Stay in touch.  Take care love :)

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On 12/18/2017 at 8:04 PM, SeSa said:

Audrey, thanks for the "welcome back" and the kind words! @nikki114, I totally understand and identify with your situation and I think Audrey's advice is very good. Plus, if you download the pics, you can crop them!!

On the point about imagination - in my case this has absolutely been the key. I can only talk about my own experience, but I can say that having control over my fantasy life (and knowing and feeling that control) has made it easier to deal with all the stuff in real life that I really don't have control over. It's good to have a place of refuge sometimes! And at least in theory I know the CO of my imagination isn't the real her, and that's fine, I love both versions, just the fantasy one more intensely! At least that's how my rational mind evaluates the situation - most of the time they just blur together and everything flows. But in the fantasy I'm in control!

Hi SeSa,

Are you still having the fantasy about that celebrity? Is it okay to continuously fantasizing? I'm too scared. Sometimes my CO real partner sneaking into my fantasy and this feeling so hard to handle. Thanks for your revert

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5 hours ago, Honey1992 said:

Hi SeSa,

Are you still having the fantasy about that celebrity? Is it okay to continuously fantasizing? I'm too scared. Sometimes my CO real partner sneaking into my fantasy and this feeling so hard to handle. Thanks for your revert

Well, let me try to explain how it for me. I got to the stage after several years of mostly being in a position where my fantasies don't take over my life, but thinking about this person is a kind of background to my life - in an idle moment I'll think about her, or thinking about her calms me down if I'm stressed, or helps me to get to sleep. Fantasies of her have become a kind of reassuring, comforting thing for me, something beautiful that's always there for me.

But that makes it all sound easy! And at times, I will fall into bad habits and excessively Google her or search for pics, and waste hours, or I will feel sad or frustrated that I'm destined to feel so much for someone who will remain a kind of distant dream. But in general I feel like it's more positive than negative - for ME, at least, as it helps me deal with life.

For me, a key thing is too control my "CO time". it's like if you finish your work for the day, and relax with a alcohol - no problem. But if you've got a drink in your hand all day - could be a problem. And when I have periods of getting majorly obsessed (kind of goes in cycles for me), I try to write stories or poems about her - that way you let your feelings out in a creative way, and even if only you ever see them, it's a way to make sense of things, and the obsession doesn't feel it's wasting your time but inspiring you somehow. In fact, I'm working on a poem inspired by the shoes I have!

This is where I'm at with this thing, but I know everyone is different and this may not work for you, but I hope I've been able to answer your question in some useful way. I hope you can find your own way through this, I'm sending you positive vibes!

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On 12/31/2017 at 8:10 PM, Helpme26 said:

Hi guys, sorry I haven't replied much or been very active but I've been WAY down about my CO. I couldn't even bring myself to write here because it made me so terribly suicidal (I'm okay though, I haven't done anything.)

Therapy was okay, but I still can't tell my group about it. I am giving therapy a chance (I've been there for 2 years after all.) so it's not like I'm giving up on it.  And my feelings keep getting stronger and stronger. And it makes me sadder and sadder that I don't know him and can't be with him. I still feel worthless when I'm not with him. I constantly dream of him being with me and I imagine him in every single day scenario in my life. sometimes I talk out loud to pretend he's there. Thinking about doing a letter or how I could meet him again, but it  neeever works. I've tried for so long. It really depresses me. 

Thanks for the kind words though. I tried to, with my whole heart, to meet guys and go on dates. But I keep running into bad ones who talk down to me or treat me like . And when I finally meet a kind one I can't stop thinking; well... he's not my CO. And the others reminds me how flawed most men are and that they are scumbags, but my CO is such a wonderful - and very typical - english gentleman. 

Thanks for the very kind words though :) My Christmas and this New Year has been horrible. I've spend it alone and all I could think about was my CO and how he would spend his holidays and new years. Imagining me with him and us celebrating new years. 

Alas, I have to GET over HIM! I can't be with him, I've tried for years and years and it's not making my life happy, at all. 

On top of that my best friend had been hospitalized with a blood clot in her heart right after Christmas. She's still at the hospital and I'm so nervous about loosing her. I don't know what I would do if I loose her.

It's a terrible start on New Year. I feel like every single year I've been like: This year will be different! I'll be happier, I'll forget about my CO and FINALLY get a boyfriend (After 10 years of being single 10 YEARS NOW), and at least I feel like: Oh well I'm at my lowest of the low, now it can only go up. But it always just keeps going down down down down. I'm like!??!?! What!? This year I have no expectations. I just think things will be the same. 

I'm sorry I'm being so negative. I truly appreciate you trying to cheer me up, and I'm super sorry that I'm just bumming everyone out here on New Years. 

So sorry about that. 

ANYWAY. Happy New Year to all of you. I hope you all have had a fantastic new year celebration!

@Helpme26

I am so sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time with this.  Just know that you are not alone and that if need to talk, you know where to find us.  *big hugs*

Maybe this would be a good time to explore new hobbies...maybe take a class at a local college and learn a new skill or watch some "how to" videos on YouTube on a skill that you have always wanted to learn how to do but never had the chance.  I taught myself how to french braid my own hair from watching YouTube because I never had anyone in my life that showed me how.  It was a bit of a challenge but managed to learn and it was quite rewarding once I started to get the hang of it.  I know it sounds silly, but it is a nice little distraction from thinking about your CO, even if only for a little while.  Getting out to a class has the extra benefit of meeting new people, so that could be helpful too.  

Another idea that I am exploring is volunteering opportunities in my area...maybe that is something you can look into as well.  Maybe in helping others, we can help ourselves too.

At any rate, I wish you the best and Happy New Year to you.  

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2 hours ago, SeSa said:

Well, let me try to explain how it for me. I got to the stage after several years of mostly being in a position where my fantasies don't take over my life, but thinking about this person is a kind of background to my life - in an idle moment I'll think about her, or thinking about her calms me down if I'm stressed, or helps me to get to sleep. Fantasies of her have become a kind of reassuring, comforting thing for me, something beautiful that's always there for me.

But that makes it all sound easy! And at times, I will fall into bad habits and excessively Google her or search for pics, and waste hours, or I will feel sad or frustrated that I'm destined to feel so much for someone who will remain a kind of distant dream. But in general I feel like it's more positive than negative - for ME, at least, as it helps me deal with life.

For me, a key thing is too control my "CO time". it's like if you finish your work for the day, and relax with a alcohol - no problem. But if you've got a drink in your hand all day - could be a problem. And when I have periods of getting majorly obsessed (kind of goes in cycles for me), I try to write stories or poems about her - that way you let your feelings out in a creative way, and even if only you ever see them, it's a way to make sense of things, and the obsession doesn't feel it's wasting your time but inspiring you somehow. In fact, I'm working on a poem inspired by the shoes I have!

This is where I'm at with this thing, but I know everyone is different and this may not work for you, but I hope I've been able to answer your question in some useful way. I hope you can find your own way through this, I'm sending you positive vibes!

Yes, everybody is different and for some, the only answer is to throw the whole CO “baby out with the bath water” because controlling Googling and social media habits are too related and too difficult. 

For me, it’s not much different from what my life would be like if I were in a real relationship with him, only he isn’t here at the moment (he’s never been here, but suspend disbelief about that for now.) I carry thoughts of him with me throughout my day. When I can, I write about him. I don’t Google him or check social media for him because that’s toxic. I wouldn’t do that in a real relationship with him, and that keeps me from wasting my day away, too. I do listen to his music...a lot. That doesn’t get in the way of anything. I can do almost anything while listening to music. One thing I know for sure: my life would be worse without those thoughts of him. I don’t know who I would be if I had to give him up. 

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Hello, I just joined today to this site. I realize this post is super old but I desperately need help with this exact issue. I feel I'm hopelessly 'in love' with a particular actor and I cannot for the life of me stop daydreaming/fantasizing about him, day or night. I'm married with two small children and I want to live THAT life, the life I literally have instead of my made up fantasies (which I shamefully admit were my actual reality sometimes). PLEASE HELP?!? What have any of you done to overcome this?!??? Any helpful advice is much appreciated. Thank you!! 

 

And I do realize this will take a good while and will feel like I've gotten my heart broken by essentially 'breaking up' with him, but it is something I'm willing to work at and something I really need to do. Thanks in advance.

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12 hours ago, SeSa said:

Well, let me try to explain how it for me. I got to the stage after several years of mostly being in a position where my fantasies don't take over my life, but thinking about this person is a kind of background to my life - in an idle moment I'll think about her, or thinking about her calms me down if I'm stressed, or helps me to get to sleep. Fantasies of her have become a kind of reassuring, comforting thing for me, something beautiful that's always there for me.

But that makes it all sound easy! And at times, I will fall into bad habits and excessively Google her or search for pics, and waste hours, or I will feel sad or frustrated that I'm destined to feel so much for someone who will remain a kind of distant dream. But in general I feel like it's more positive than negative - for ME, at least, as it helps me deal with life.

For me, a key thing is too control my "CO time". it's like if you finish your work for the day, and relax with a alcohol - no problem. But if you've got a drink in your hand all day - could be a problem. And when I have periods of getting majorly obsessed (kind of goes in cycles for me), I try to write stories or poems about her - that way you let your feelings out in a creative way, and even if only you ever see them, it's a way to make sense of things, and the obsession doesn't feel it's wasting your time but inspiring you somehow. In fact, I'm working on a poem inspired by the shoes I have!

This is where I'm at with this thing, but I know everyone is different and this may not work for you, but I hope I've been able to answer your question in some useful way. I hope you can find your own way through this, I'm sending you positive vibes!

Thanks for your comforting words and advise. I truly appreciate it. Well, not everyone we can share this thing though. It's true what you said, I totally agreed. Limiting our online search about our CO definitely helps. But not that simple. I usually will fall back to that habit again and again. And repeatedly hurting myself when I saw my CO pictures with his partner. Previously, I had another CO but not that strong as this one. 

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Hi, everyone, I hope you're feeling better than me at the moment 
I've been feeling desperate to meet someone...But the couple of guys I like are still "out of my league" even though some people told me I'm beautiful etc ?!?! I don't feel like that. Why arent the guys I like interested? And I have a really hard time being attracted to anyone... I keep remembering my CO's eyes then I think "if I do find someone, how am I gonna tell them I'm in love with a celebrity??" Sometimes I just wanna pretend I'm attracted just to have someone to care about me. But I can't like... kiss a guy I'm not attracted to? I can't even picture it.

@alacroix Welcome to the forum, we know what that feels like, although it's different for everyone.
In my case therapy, time, meds, and not looking at my CO helped a lot, so I recommend those things... but I'm still in love with him. I hope you find something that works for you.

 

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10 hours ago, random alice said:

Hi, everyone, I hope you're feeling better than me at the moment 
I've been feeling desperate to meet someone...But the couple of guys I like are still "out of my league" even though some people told me I'm beautiful etc ?!?! I don't feel like that. Why arent the guys I like interested? And I have a really hard time being attracted to anyone... I keep remembering my CO's eyes then I think "if I do find someone, how am I gonna tell them I'm in love with a celebrity??" Sometimes I just wanna pretend I'm attracted just to have someone to care about me. But I can't like... kiss a guy I'm not attracted to? I can't even picture it.

@alacroix Welcome to the forum, we know what that feels like, although it's different for everyone.
In my case therapy, time, meds, and not looking at my CO helped a lot, so I recommend those things... but I'm still in love with him. I hope you find something that works for you.

 

I totally agree. I can’t be physically intimate with someone or pretend to be interested in them just so that I won’t be single. I’ve pretty much accepted that I’ll probably always be single. It’s not even that I refuse to date guys who aren’t as beautiful as my CO. He is stunningly beautiful (to me), and most men just aren’t, so I do TRY to be realistic when dating. But if the feelings aren’t there, then I’d rather not try and force them.

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@random alice good to see you again. A little advice: if you want to meet someone, keep trying. You don’t have to tell anyone that you’re in love with a celebrity. Take things one day at a time...maybe the right guy can help you to move on if that’s what you want, and then you won’t have to tell him. There won’t be anything to say. And don’t feel pressured to kiss anyone you don’t want to kiss. 

@HopelessRomantic2011 I’m with you. I could never engage in meaningless, casual sex. I’m much older than most people in this thread (which also means it’s never going to be an issue for me, but whatever.) I’d have to have strong feelings for the gentleman before we go there.

@alacroix welcome to the thread. I’m going to suggest something to you and just ask you to consider it...is it possible that you find it so difficult to give up these fantasies because they’re making up for something that’s missing in real life? It’s OK...we all go through this. What’s so wrong with it if it makes you happy? You say you want to live the life with your own two children...you are living that life.  But there’s nothing wrong with daydreaming once in awhile when you can, so long as it’s not interfering with caring for your children. 

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