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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support

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On 11/20/2017 at 11:25 PM, Kellybg1978 said:

How do I get it to stop???

First, welcome to the thread…I think I can give you some suggestions for your situation, even though I’m not in the same camp...I don’t want to stop thinking of my CO (some here might think of me as the “Crazy Aunt in the Depression Forums Attic” :cheesy:...I’m literally in love with the man I call my CO...I’d be lost without him in my thoughts. :icon12:)

That said, my CO is somewhat responsible for the fact that I spent almost 3 years in therapy...not to rid myself of him, but to manage depression and anxiety caused by something I learned about him. During that therapy journey, I learned some techniques to stop things I don’t want to continue. I have OCD; searching for information about my CO (and intrusive, painful thoughts about his past) were doing more harm than good for me. I had to learn to stop those things. 

The key to stopping anything you don’t want to do is amazing simple, if not obvious : remove all of the temptations contributing to the continuation of the thing you want to stop. Then distract yourself...read a book, take a bubble bath, or go for a walk. If you want to stop thinking about your CO because he’s/she’s interfering, stop searching the Internet for him/her. Stop following your CO on social media. Stop writing fiction about your CO. Stop watching your CO in movies, TV, YouTube videos. Stop everything, and stop cold turkey*. 🦃 If you allow yourself even one indulgence, the intrusive thoughts will continue. 

I hope this helps. Treat this like any addiction, if you really want to quit. If you were an alcoholic, you would know better than to say “just one drink won’t hurt”....right? 

Happy Thanksgiving to U.S. members of the thread, by the way!

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Hi everyone, and welcome to the new members who have recently joined. Also a belated Happy Thanksgiving to all the Americans here! 😊 It has been a while since I last posted here mainly because I haven't had much to say. I'm in a fortunate position at the moment in that I have the opportunity to do lots of travelling and other interesting things, which has been really positive for me. I've grown up a lot from the person I was 6 months to a year ago, when I didn't have much interest in anything outside of my CO.

But I feel compelled to give an update now, because this weekend my CO finally achieved something that's really really important to him. I'm so so happy and proud of him and his teammates! 😍🏆 (And if it wasn't obvious who my CO is before, it probably is now lol).

In other news, the guy I met this summer got back in contact with me last month. I do have strong feelings for him, but unfortunately I just don't think there's any future for us as a couple. On the one hand, we have an amazing chemistry, but on the other hand, he doesn't seem willing to put a genuine effort into the relationship. We've never been "official" and I have no plan to ask him about that anytime soon. I'm not sure he's ready for that sort of committment and to be honest I'm probably not either.

Nothing more to add except that I hope things are going well for everyone here and their COs. I will try to keep posting fairly regularly and offering advice when I can!

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Hi everyone, I’m new here, but it’s my celebrity crush-turned-obsession is making me feel crazier than I usually do. I’m single (never had long term relationship) in my 60s and she’s a singer (not particularly well known, esp. outside of the industry) in her late 30s. I have lust for her, her voice is like an angel, and the more I see/read her interviews, the mor e I love her. (I’m a gay woman, as is she.)  I dream about her both awake and sleeping. I hate hate hate her fiancee, although it’s obvious they’re very much in love. They Instagram frequently, and it makes me want to spit nails. This has been going on since Spring, I saw her once in concert, and have tickets to see her again in March. My therapist says this is ok as long as no laws are broken. Not the point, to me! I’m in despair because of this most of the time. Sometimes I can’t listen to her, sometimes I can’t stop listening to her. My friends know how much I ‘love’ her, but they don’t know how much I LOVE her. I also have had major clinical depression since my early 20s, and this obsession does absolutely nothing to help that. I even pretend I meet her, and I feel so bad about myself that she rejects me in my own fantasy! Then I just cry myself to sleep. I’ve not told a soul about that last part. I’m so ashamed. Thank you for letting me post. 

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18 minutes ago, MajorDepression said:

Hi everyone, I’m new here, but it’s my celebrity crush-turned-obsession is making me feel crazier than I usually do. I’m single (never had long term relationship) in my 60s and she’s a singer (not particularly well known, esp. outside of the industry) in her late 30s. I have lust for her, her voice is like an angel, and the more I see/read her interviews, the mor e I love her. (I’m a gay woman, as is she.)  I dream about her both awake and sleeping. I hate hate hate her fiancee, although it’s obvious they’re very much in love. They Instagram frequently, and it makes me want to spit nails. This has been going on since Spring, I saw her once in concert, and have tickets to see her again in March. My therapist says this is ok as long as no laws are broken. Not the point, to me! I’m in despair because of this most of the time. Sometimes I can’t listen to her, sometimes I can’t stop listening to her. My friends know how much I ‘love’ her, but they don’t know how much I LOVE her. I also have had major clinical depression since my early 20s, and this obsession does absolutely nothing to help that. I even pretend I meet her, and I feel so bad about myself that she rejects me in my own fantasy! Then I just cry myself to sleep. I’ve not told a soul about that last part. I’m so ashamed. Thank you for letting me post. 

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a hard time though. Could you maybe be a little nicer to yourself in your fantasies? I mean, that’s what they’re for. I understand that the Instagram stuff is annoying though. My former celebrity obsession (CO) was always posting stuff about his wife on Instagram and I would get really jealous. Now that I have a new CO, it doesn’t bother me anymore. I finally stopped making nasty comments about her on the Internet. lol

@OpalP25, I’m glad to hear that things are going well for you! 

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Thank you @HopelessRomantic2011! 😊 I'm glad to hear that you are having an easier time with your current CO than you had with the previous one. It must be pretty miserable to have a CO who does all the public lovey dovey stuff on social media. I feel really bad for anyone here who's in that particular situation.

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Welcome to the forum@MajorDepression I'm really sorry to hear about how unhappy your CO and her relationship are making you feel. I agree with HopelessRomantic that you should try to be a bit kinder to yourself in your fantasies, and maybe also try avoiding your CO's social media. And of course, whenever you need to vent, we are here to listen. 😊

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Hi all! Back again with another little update because it's been so long since the last one. 

If there's one thing I "dislike" a little about my personal experiences with COs is that they never stick around for long. I get them constantly every few weeks/months, and then I start to feel bad when one of them goes.

I would say that in the last few years, only one has actually not gone away (and that was the one I first came here about) but because he hasn't really done that much career wise for over a year now, it's very hard to hold my attention (I don't have a very good attention span in general). Though he's the one that's always been there just very much in the back of my mind. 

But since that one started, I've had at least 3-4, maybe more all at different times. One goes and then I find a new one. I just start to feel guilty for letting the others disappear.

I had one that became intense and than left again. But that's because I got into a spin-off from that COs show that got me into an actor on the spin-off show and I slowly feel the obsession spiraling. I've watched 3 of his films (obviously he's done more) that I'm obsessed with and I do plan to watch more of his filmography. And I am really obsessed with the character from the show that made me fall in love with him, like in some ways, I probably love the character more than the actor and both of the love for them is a lot right now.

I seem to be totally incapable of liking a TV show and just like it like a normal human being, I always seem to fall for a character, which then just expands to the celebrity and boom! chaos in my brain. But I did recently find out that there is a thing called Hyperfixation which slightly resembles what I go through with my COs, so I won't be surprised if that is what happens to me.

I've have gone to the doctors for my general mental health (I was basically diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression and OCD. I have an appointment with some mental health team in a couple of weeks) so maybe it can help ease the full force of my COs. As much as I love having COs - to an extent, I can't deny that it can greatly affect my life. I've been signed off sick from work due to my mental health, so I don't particularly have anything else to do but obsess over my COs and I physically and mentally find it impossible to tear myself away from them. I mean, I've tried to tell myself to not watch the shows one night but it's impossible, I seem to be constantly drawn to them. All the huge COs I've had this year have had a much bigger effect on me than the other had. I've had instances where I actually felt "in love" with them. And all three of my main ones this year have been over 20 years older than me (which probably has no relevance to anything but they've all been very similar ages.).

When I am alone (which is more often than I am not), my brain is in constant overdrive with my daydreaming and fantasies and it's becoming rather distracting. I don't hate having COs, they're the only happiness I get most days, but I do wish it wasn't quite so intense. In terms of my daydreaming, I feel it used to be fun and manageable (and it still can be) but I am losing control of frequently. I guess I seem to be a lot more aware of it than I used to be, and it just feels so intense. But right now, I can't seem to stop.
My daydreaming/fantasies is not something I can freely talk to my family about, I've mentioned I have it in the past, but I don't think they really understand just how intense and bad it is. Which is understandable, I don't expect them to understand, I just sometimes wish I could talk to someone freely and not be judged when I do explain just how bad it is.

But things are pretty bad for me right now, mentally. So I'm not sure I want to stop at all, they're the only relief I probably get from my problems nowadays. So I'm incredibly grateful for having them in my life.

I don't really know why I keep popping back here just to post updates (that are usually always along the same kind of lines) but I really feel it's the only real place I can just let it all out. So I always hope it's okay to do that. :smile:

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On 11/28/2017 at 3:06 PM, SophieViolet95 said:

Hi all! Back again with another little update because it's been so long since the last one. 

If there's one thing I "dislike" a little about my personal experiences with COs is that they never stick around for long. I get them constantly every few weeks/months, and then I start to feel bad when one of them goes.

I would say that in the last few years, only one has actually not gone away (and that was the one I first came here about) but because he hasn't really done that much career wise for over a year now, it's very hard to hold my attention (I don't have a very good attention span in general). Though he's the one that's always been there just very much in the back of my mind. 

But since that one started, I've had at least 3-4, maybe more all at different times. One goes and then I find a new one. I just start to feel guilty for letting the others disappear.

I had one that became intense and than left again. But that's because I got into a spin-off from that COs show that got me into an actor on the spin-off show and I slowly feel the obsession spiraling. I've watched 3 of his films (obviously he's done more) that I'm obsessed with and I do plan to watch more of his filmography. And I am really obsessed with the character from the show that made me fall in love with him, like in some ways, I probably love the character more than the actor and both of the love for them is a lot right now.

I seem to be totally incapable of liking a TV show and just like it like a normal human being, I always seem to fall for a character, which then just expands to the celebrity and boom! chaos in my brain. But I did recently find out that there is a thing called Hyperfixation which slightly resembles what I go through with my COs, so I won't be surprised if that is what happens to me.

I've have gone to the doctors for my general mental health (I was basically diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression and OCD. I have an appointment with some mental health team in a couple of weeks) so maybe it can help ease the full force of my COs. As much as I love having COs - to an extent, I can't deny that it can greatly affect my life. I've been signed off sick from work due to my mental health, so I don't particularly have anything else to do but obsess over my COs and I physically and mentally find it impossible to tear myself away from them. I mean, I've tried to tell myself to not watch the shows one night but it's impossible, I seem to be constantly drawn to them. All the huge COs I've had this year have had a much bigger effect on me than the other had. I've had instances where I actually felt "in love" with them. And all three of my main ones this year have been over 20 years older than me (which probably has no relevance to anything but they've all been very similar ages.).

When I am alone (which is more often than I am not), my brain is in constant overdrive with my daydreaming and fantasies and it's becoming rather distracting. I don't hate having COs, they're the only happiness I get most days, but I do wish it wasn't quite so intense. In terms of my daydreaming, I feel it used to be fun and manageable (and it still can be) but I am losing control of frequently. I guess I seem to be a lot more aware of it than I used to be, and it just feels so intense. But right now, I can't seem to stop.
My daydreaming/fantasies is not something I can freely talk to my family about, I've mentioned I have it in the past, but I don't think they really understand just how intense and bad it is. Which is understandable, I don't expect them to understand, I just sometimes wish I could talk to someone freely and not be judged when I do explain just how bad it is.

But things are pretty bad for me right now, mentally. So I'm not sure I want to stop at all, they're the only relief I probably get from my problems nowadays. So I'm incredibly grateful for having them in my life.

I don't really know why I keep popping back here just to post updates (that are usually always along the same kind of lines) but I really feel it's the only real place I can just let it all out. So I always hope it's okay to do that. :smile:

I hope your appointment with the mental health team is able to provide you some relief, support and comfort.  Please keep posting and keep us updated, we do care and we of course, all of us understand completely what you're going through.  

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On 11/28/2017 at 3:06 PM, SophieViolet95 said:

Hi all! Back again with another little update because it's been so long since the last one. 

If there's one thing I "dislike" a little about my personal experiences with COs is that they never stick around for long. I get them constantly every few weeks/months, and then I start to feel bad when one of them goes.

I would say that in the last few years, only one has actually not gone away (and that was the one I first came here about) but because he hasn't really done that much career wise for over a year now, it's very hard to hold my attention (I don't have a very good attention span in general). Though he's the one that's always been there just very much in the back of my mind. 

But since that one started, I've had at least 3-4, maybe more all at different times. One goes and then I find a new one. I just start to feel guilty for letting the others disappear.

I had one that became intense and than left again. But that's because I got into a spin-off from that COs show that got me into an actor on the spin-off show and I slowly feel the obsession spiraling. I've watched 3 of his films (obviously he's done more) that I'm obsessed with and I do plan to watch more of his filmography. And I am really obsessed with the character from the show that made me fall in love with him, like in some ways, I probably love the character more than the actor and both of the love for them is a lot right now.

I seem to be totally incapable of liking a TV show and just like it like a normal human being, I always seem to fall for a character, which then just expands to the celebrity and boom! chaos in my brain. But I did recently find out that there is a thing called Hyperfixation which slightly resembles what I go through with my COs, so I won't be surprised if that is what happens to me.

I've have gone to the doctors for my general mental health (I was basically diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression and OCD. I have an appointment with some mental health team in a couple of weeks) so maybe it can help ease the full force of my COs. As much as I love having COs - to an extent, I can't deny that it can greatly affect my life. I've been signed off sick from work due to my mental health, so I don't particularly have anything else to do but obsess over my COs and I physically and mentally find it impossible to tear myself away from them. I mean, I've tried to tell myself to not watch the shows one night but it's impossible, I seem to be constantly drawn to them. All the huge COs I've had this year have had a much bigger effect on me than the other had. I've had instances where I actually felt "in love" with them. And all three of my main ones this year have been over 20 years older than me (which probably has no relevance to anything but they've all been very similar ages.).

When I am alone (which is more often than I am not), my brain is in constant overdrive with my daydreaming and fantasies and it's becoming rather distracting. I don't hate having COs, they're the only happiness I get most days, but I do wish it wasn't quite so intense. In terms of my daydreaming, I feel it used to be fun and manageable (and it still can be) but I am losing control of frequently. I guess I seem to be a lot more aware of it than I used to be, and it just feels so intense. But right now, I can't seem to stop.
My daydreaming/fantasies is not something I can freely talk to my family about, I've mentioned I have it in the past, but I don't think they really understand just how intense and bad it is. Which is understandable, I don't expect them to understand, I just sometimes wish I could talk to someone freely and not be judged when I do explain just how bad it is.

But things are pretty bad for me right now, mentally. So I'm not sure I want to stop at all, they're the only relief I probably get from my problems nowadays. So I'm incredibly grateful for having them in my life.

I don't really know why I keep popping back here just to post updates (that are usually always along the same kind of lines) but I really feel it's the only real place I can just let it all out. So I always hope it's okay to do that. :smile:

@SophieViolet95 Thanks for giving us an update on how you’re doing. I can definitely relate to a lot of what you wrote.

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Hello everyone,

i just HAD to make a profile when I found this site. Like many of you I suffer from various mental illnesses, my main being BP and periodic depression. 

I haven’t read everything here mostly just the newer ones, and I feel like many of you do. I’ve had an unhealthy extreme obsession over my celebrity crush (an actor) for - hold onto your seats - 9 years!!!! This is just that one person though, but I’ve had these celebrity crush problems since I was probably 13. I know it’s been a coping mechanism for me due to my loneliness, and because I was bullied back in school. 

This one person, I don’t dare to say the name, but has been the target of my unhealthy obsession for almost over 8 years. In the last couple of years it’s been so intense, but unlike what I’ve read here, I don’t collect pictures and/or watch things with that actor in it, because I know It will only make me sad. I used to do it, but haven’t in about 4 years time. Here’s why: like many of you, I fantasise constantly about being with him. I’m not that far away age wise, I’ve been constantly researching about his relationship status and keep thinking that some day I can be with him. It’s problmatic because 80% of me really do think I will end up with him if I try hard enough, the other 20% knows that this is bonkers, and it won’t ever happen. 

By there’s more. I don’t know if anyone has ever experienced the same things, but I constantly think that I can be with him if I just try hard enough. So I made new social media accounts some years ago, that had absolutely nothing with him on it, just in case if he should see them at some point. And here is the major problem:

i have started to become a stalker. And by that I don’t mean so I want to constantly be near him and mean him any harm because I don’t. But it’s an idea that my mind provides that if I’m near him then one day if I meet him I’ll bump into him and start up a conversation, he’ll find me interesting and yadda yadda, you know the rest. So two years ago I deliberately moved to London to study, spent my entire life savings on living in an expensive area because then I would be near him. I also managed to see him a couple of times but I missed my golden opportunities for a proper chat, because I didn’t want to suddenly strike up a conversation - it had to be “authentic” unfortunately I had to move back home. But recently my behaviour has flared up again. I have seen he has gotten a dog which in my mind conveniently turned to: okay, spend some money (all the money you have for December) go to London and hang around in the area and when you see him walk his new puppy you turn your attention to the puppy and that way stroke up a conversation with him. Pretend you don’t really know him. Be charming and then ask him out. (Yes I do know where he lives which makes the stalker thing so much worse)

thats how that would go in my mind. I know it’s so damn wrong. I wish I didn’t do it, I feel so terribly ashamed about it!! I shouldn’t be going somewhere to stalk the person until I meet them, but there’s a part of me that constantly says: do it!! If you don’t do this you’ll regret it when he ends up finding a girlfriend. Then if you don’t meet him ect. Then you can finally put that behind you because then it’s never gonna happen. (That’s also what I said when I moved to London in the first place). And here I am again, trying. 

I also had the idea of wanting to write a letter to him. Thinking: oh well, if I just pretend that I’ve only seen him in this one play recently, and then tell him over the letter that we met before and I never got to ask him out: but that I wanna do it now over the letter - chuckle chuckle and he’ll find it charming and contact me back. —again, this is weird. Because in the back of my head I can only imagine how many people have already tried this. He is, unfortunately, quite a huge celebrity. Which probably means he’s well aware of things like that. And he would never be interested in me. 

I live in a constant war zone between having to juggle my reality and my fantasy. Most of the time I truly believe that if I just try hard enough I will be with him. But once reality hits, and I realise this is not gonna happen, I fall into this deep depression and I can’t do anything at all. I missed out on my last exam because I was planning and running around in fantasy land.

i don’t know if anyone here knows or have tried severe stalking behaviour. Because it makes me feel so ashamed, it makes me feel like such an awful person, when I really try not to be. I just can’t seem to control it. It’s like a sudden impulse, and then I’m doing everything I can to look on google, tumblr and other sites to find out where he’s been seen and try to map out my plan for meeting with him. Right as it is now I’m so close to going through with this trying to meet him and his new puppy thing. But oh my gosh!!! How I am trying my best to not ****ing do it. 

Have anyone ever experienced this? And do anyone know how to get over this? 

Just wanna day that I AM in therapy. Both my therapists know about it and then I also have a group that I go to. By the group doesn’t know yet because I’m too embarrassed to talk about it. Because it just puts one in such a terrible light when you say you quite frankly stalk someone. People always make fun of his stalkers on tumblr and others always say; omg girl, please get some ****ing help. I don’t do it to be mean or anything... it’s just so hard to let go of the idea that I’m gonna be with him, and so the stalking behaviour increases. 

And regarding help, I think it’s important to say that I have been to therapy since I was 15. So that’s over 14 years worth by now. With a few breaks in between. I’ve both been to specific dialectic behaviour therapy that has to do with cognitive processes, that is targeted specifically for people with BPD so they can learn to tackle their emotions ect. Then I’ve been to psychiatrists and other therapists and now I’m in group therapy every week. Heck, I have been so desperate for this to stop that I even paid 100£ Per session (all in all a 10 session thing) for hypnosis. I have been cutting off everything, stopped watching his films, trying to meet people and hopefully meet someone I like. But I can never seem to find anyone I like because I always keep comparing them to him!! Thus I end up alone again and then he returns with full force to my mind and the stalking behaviour continues. Everything I do, I do because I want to be someone that I think he will like.

I’m not sure, but I recently spoke with my therapist and we both might have concluded that the reason why it’s hard for me to let go is because I feel like a nobody. So if I was with him, I would be a somebody. 

Deep down, really... I think it’s true. I feel like I’m a waste of space in this world, and only those who have accomplished great things are worth something in my mind. I feel like me and so many other people are insignificant. Like, in the end, The world wouldn’t take a great loss if I died. But if I was with him, I would feel like a somebody. Does that make sense? 

I wanted to write this because maybe someone here knows what to do or have been in the same boat as I. 

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Welcome to the thread, @Helpme26 and thank you for sharing your story. Yours is the kind of situation  this thread was meant to support, and we’re here for you. I’ve had the same CO for (your turn to hold on!) 50+ years. Fantasies of him with my alter ego were a coping mechanism when I experienced emotional abuse as a pre-teen, and those “maladaptive daydreams” continued my entire life. Now, fantasies of him with me as an adult woman are more than just a way to cope: I truly love him ....and, like you, I hope to be with him one day in spite of seemingly insurmountable odds that I refuse to accept. I don’t stalk him though... I can’t even follow him on social media or search his name for fear I’ll learn something devastating about a real life relationship he’s in. My therapist told me, and I agree, my emotional development never caught up with my true age where this man is concerned. I react like a broken-hearted 12 year old to bad news about him. It’s true.  This is a condensed version of my story, but if you’re interested, feel free to read my posting history here.... I say that to you so you’ll see you’re not alone. 

I hope you come back and continue discussing in the thread. It can be good therapy to talk about it. I had ups and downs (still do) but thread helped me a lot when I came here. 

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Thank you. I Can see i have a lot of catching up to do, post wise. 

I’m glad I can be honest in here. For I don’t know what I’m gonna do. The idea that I might be with him is chickening me - just as much as the idea that I might never be with him is chickening me. I feel lost, because I so desperately desire to stop this. But I can’t make myself stop for what if I was meant to be with him? (I know it sounds awful.) has anyone had any experience with stalking behaviour and how to get over it? 

Ill read your your original post later tonight. I hope someone here can offer advice who may have been in the same boat of stalking their CO. Like I mentioned before I also try to stay away from all his accounts ect. But I always keep track of the gossip to know where he is ect. And the whole new puppy thing is chickening me. I’m so close to buying tickets for London. I know I shouldn’t though.

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Thank you. I Can see i have a lot of catching up to do, post wise. 

I’m glad I can be honest in here. For I don’t know what I’m gonna do. The idea that I might be with him is chickening me - just as much as the idea that I might never be with him is chickening me. I feel lost, because I so desperately desire to stop this. But I can’t make myself stop for what if I was meant to be with him? (I know it sounds awful.) has anyone had any experience with stalking behaviour and how to get over it? 

Ill read your your original post later tonight. I hope someone here can offer advice who may have been in the same boat of stalking their CO. Like I mentioned before I also try to stay away from all his accounts ect. But I always keep track of the gossip to know where he is ect. And the whole new puppy thing is chickening me. I’m so close to buying tickets for London. I know I shouldn’t though.

 

do you have a link for your original post? There’s so much and it’s hard to follow. 

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i have started to become a stalker. And by that I don’t mean so I want to constantly be near him and mean him any harm because I don’t. But it’s an idea that my mind provides that if I’m near him then one day if I meet him I’ll bump into him and start up a conversation, he’ll find me interesting and yadda yadda, you know the rest. So two years ago I deliberately moved to London to study, spent my entire life savings on living in an expensive area because then I would be near him. I also managed to see him a couple of times but I missed my golden opportunities for a proper chat, because I didn’t want to suddenly strike up a conversation - it had to be “authentic” unfortunately I had to move back home. But recently my behaviour has flared up again. I have seen he has gotten a dog which in my mind conveniently turned to: okay, spend some money (all the money you have for December) go to London and hang around in the area and when you see him walk his new puppy you turn your attention to the puppy and that way stroke up a conversation with him. Pretend you don’t really know him. Be charming and then ask him out. (Yes I do know where he lives which makes the stalker thing so much worse)

@Helpme26, If he frequents public places that would allow you to just walk up to him and start a conversation, I don't necessarily consider that "stalking." You wouldn't be the first person to deliberately show up where you knew someone else was going to be in hopes of striking up a conversation. But if you're spending money that you can't really afford to spend in hopes of meeting him, that's a problem.

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Yeah that’s what I’m doing. I spend too much money that I don’t have to go and be near the area where he is so I could possibly meet him. Whether it’s stalking or not, it’s really unhealthy, and I wish I knew how to cope.

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Hello @Helpme26  :smile:

I’m in the same boat as far as not being able to collect photos or watch things with my CO in it. It makes me sad too. This wasn’t always the case for me either, but I've been protecting myself for the last year and a half. He’s married with a baby now and I can’t cope with it. Like you, I have an intense fantasy of being with him.

I’m not going to tell you that you’re never going to be with this man because it’s not my place to decide that. I’m reaching out to you mostly to offer support because I don’t really have much advice. I think you should go easy on yourself with the word ‘stalking’. Like HopelessRomantic2011 said, you wouldn’t be the first person to intentionally show up somewhere where your crush is in hopes of speaking to him. Your behaviour doesn’t seem overly concerning to me. The only thing that seems concerning is that you’re spending too much money on this pursuit. Start by seeing if you can put off this trip to London for awhile. Don’t tell yourself that you can never go there. Just tell yourself that you can’t quite afford it right now, but maybe one day in the future you’ll have a more convenient opportunity. Try to go with the flow a little bit more. You don’t know what the future has in store for you.

I see nothing wrong with writing him a letter. I think he’d probably like that and maybe he would find it charming. But don’t write it if you’re counting on him writing you back or acknowledging you in some other way. He might just not have the time, but I wouldn’t want you to take his silence personally.

You’re not a waste of space in this world (if you are, then all 7.6 billion of us are too). You are a somebody…as much of a somebody as your CO :happy:  I do know what you're saying though, and there might be a little bit of this going on with me too ("I'm a nobody but with him I'd be a somebody."). It doesn’t explain why I’m in love with my CO, but it might explain some of the envy I feel towards his wife.

 

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Hello everyone, and such a warm welcome to all the new posters! I was so pleased to find this site, and thread, and have got loads of help from it. I hope you will too! 

 

I have put up my Christmas tree tonight and am sitting wishing my CO was part of my Christmas this year, which he is in my imagination, but not in real life! 

There is a man working in my building who reminds me so much of my CO so naturally I will fall for him at some point soon. The only thing that is putting me off is that he smokes. That might be the thing that saves him from being obsessed over by me! 

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4 hours ago, Helpme26 said:

Thank you. I Can see i have a lot of catching up to do, post wise. 

I’m glad I can be honest in here. For I don’t know what I’m gonna do. The idea that I might be with him is chickening me - just as much as the idea that I might never be with him is chickening me. I feel lost, because I so desperately desire to stop this. But I can’t make myself stop for what if I was meant to be with him? (I know it sounds awful.) has anyone had any experience with stalking behaviour and how to get over it? 

Ill read your your original post later tonight. I hope someone here can offer advice who may have been in the same boat of stalking their CO. Like I mentioned before I also try to stay away from all his accounts ect. But I always keep track of the gossip to know where he is ect. And the whole new puppy thing is chickening me. I’m so close to buying tickets for London. I know I shouldn’t though.

 

do you have a link for your original post? There’s so much and it’s hard to follow. 

I have the link to my original post, but there are corrections that should be made to it (I can explain, but first, here's the link)

https://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/40244-unhealthy-obsession-with-a-celebrity-please-help/?do=findComment&comment=1041398

When I came here and posted that, I had never told that story before.  It was really almost 47 years, not 45 as the post says (that's one of the corrections that would need to be made....I was so nervous I couldn't even count correctly!!)  I would have gone to my grave with him as my secret love...this isn't a fan site, and having crushes on celebrities is quite normal, so I wouldn't have had any reason to come to a mental health board for that.  I came here because he drove me to even deeper depression than I was already being treated for because -- as the post says -- I learned he had been married twice before.  The post explains why that was so devastating although, as I said, there are a few minor corrections that would need to be made to the post.  For one thing, I was 11 not 12.  And most importantly, about 17 days after I signed up here, I started analyzing my life and blew the whole thing open.  I now realize there are things I should have said in that post and things I said that aren't really true (my husband is not the "good man" I thought he was.)  I was going through my entire life with blinders on until I  began analyzing my life on February 9, 2014.  I started therapy exactly 5 months later on July 9, 2014.  There were more revelations to come.  I'm still a work in progress.  

I understand how badly you want to be with him.  You have a kindred spirit with me on that subject.  But @posie_riot and @HopelessRomantic2011 both gave you good advice....spending too much money to try to see him would definitely be a problem.  Don't do anything too drastic to make that happen.  Take posie's advice and write the letter.  See what happens if you do that first. 

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Hello everyone,

I created an account today just so I can share my experiences with celebrity obsession...I have been having them for most of my life, starting with silly cartoon characters as a child and on to movie, TV, and music stars as I got older.  I am now in my mid 30's and I am still struggling with this issue.  The only difference is that, unlike in the past when my obsession would end after 3 or so years (at the most), I am now stuck on a particular obsession with a celebrity that has been going on strong for about 11 years (and still counting).  The celebrity in question is 20+ years older than me, married, and from a different country (which makes him all the more attractive to me because I have never been able to travel to other countries) and is multi-talented.  He has been in the business for a long time and he's good at just about anything he does.  I have had some concurrent crushes/low level obsessions with other celebrities but they pale in comparison to my main obsession by a very large margin.

I was also recently diagnosed with depression and I currently have no job.  I am also married to a wonderful man and feel immense pressure to try to get myself together so that I can be "normal" productive member of society again...I have also read some of the other responses on this thread too and it seems a lot of other folks have used their obsessions as a way to cope with the daily stresses of life.  I definitely do this and have found myself collecting pictures of this particular celebrity on my computers (I am at around 5,000+ pictures right now!), buy up any movies or tv shows he has appeared in, any articles that feature or mention him in magazines (online or in print), and any music he's done. I also find him incredibly attractive physically and I have a strong compulsion to look at his gorgeous face on my phone in which I have him as a background image.  I get a rush every time I see his face and it continues to feed the obsession.

I have taken myself off of Facebook (in which I had joined countless fan groups of this celebrity) as well as Twitter and Instagram.  I also made a point to avoid watching anything with him in it and while it does help some, I still find myself looking at his picture on my phone. I made sure to take his picture off as my background on my computer because he was becoming too distracting for me.  But taking his picture off my phone was too much to bare.  I have in the past attempted to cut myself off cold turkey with this celebrity and it seemed like it was working...for two years I managed to somewhat manage it lot better but still had frequent "relapses" as I would find myself fighting urges to look up his picture online and download them to my hard drive, the latest news on him, or to resist watching movies with him in it.  It was torture...all it took was a brief article about him that just so happened to pop up on my news feed without any effort on my part and the obsession began again.

I don't want to go on the rest of my life like this, but at the same time, I don't want to stop it.  Some days, I feel that it is the only thing that gives me any kind of pleasure.  I wish I could just cut back on the obsession so that I can still be a fan and enjoy his stuff without feeling overwhelmed by my intense feelings for him. I know I will never be with him and that he's out there living his life while I am at home being pathetic.  I feel no ill will towards his wife...if anything, I think pictures featuring him and his wife are adorable and I think she is the luckiest lady in the world.  I just want to get a better grip on this.

Sorry for the long rant...I have been hiding this for a long time and like many here, feel embarrassed to share this with other people.  I have my first appointment with my therapist next week and I am unsure if I should bring this up because I don't want them to downplay it....it is one of the reasons why I kept it to myself, the fear that no one would take this seriously.  

 

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1 hour ago, posie_riot said:

Hello @Helpme26  :smile:

I’m in the same boat as far as not being able to collect photos or watch things with my CO in it. It makes me sad too. This wasn’t always the case for me either, but I've been protecting myself for the last year and a half. He’s married with a baby now and I can’t cope with it. Like you, I have an intense fantasy of being with him.

I’m not going to tell you that you’re never going to be with this man because it’s not my place to decide that. I’m reaching out to you mostly to offer support because I don’t really have much advice. I think you should go easy on yourself with the word ‘stalking’. Like HopelessRomantic2011 said, you wouldn’t be the first person to intentionally show up somewhere where your crush is in hopes of speaking to him. Your behaviour doesn’t seem overly concerning to me. The only thing that seems concerning is that you’re spending too much money on this pursuit. Start by seeing if you can put off this trip to London for awhile. Don’t tell yourself that you can never go there. Just tell yourself that you can’t quite afford it right now, but maybe one day in the future you’ll have a more convenient opportunity. Try to go with the flow a little bit more. You don’t know what the future has in store for you.

I see nothing wrong with writing him a letter. I think he’d probably like that and maybe he would find it charming. But don’t write it if you’re counting on him writing you back or acknowledging you in some other way. He might just not have the time, but I wouldn’t want you to take his silence personally.

You’re not a waste of space in this world (if you are, then all 7.6 billion of us are too). You are a somebody…as much of a somebody as your CO :happy:  I do know what you're saying though, and there might be a little bit of this going on with me too ("I'm a nobody but with him I'd be a somebody."). It doesn’t explain why I’m in love with my CO, but it might explain some of the envy I feel towards his wife.

 

 

Thanks for telling me a little about yourself, I'm glad that people understand each other in here and how hard it actually is to suffer from this. It's so weird, because it always feels like if you tell someone who don't relate, they often think of those: "mad teenage girls obsessed with their fav celeb" When it's just so much more problematic than that. And hell, I'm nearing my 30ies and it makes me frustrated that I can't move on with my life like all the other people, get a boyfriend, have a family, ect ect. I'm stuck in that stupid illusion.

I appreciate your words, you guys are really kind. But whenever someone says "You never know, it could happen, or - he might find the letter charming." It brings fuel to the fire and I officially begin to think again: Oh yeah, maybe I could be with him. 

But I think reality IS that I can't - He's way too big a celebrity and he's very wary of some of his fans. And I mean considering who he has dated in the past, specifically the last one, it just makes it impossible for an average person, average looking ect. to be with him. And Idk. My mind is constantly revolving around: okay how do I make a letter charming enough for him to want to write back to me and contact me? In my fantasy I'll come off super charming, ask him out for a cup of coffee and he'll find it super charming and he'll accept. I mean just saying it out loud makes it seem so ridiculous and absolutely impossible. And if he then declines, I'm afraid it will break my heart completely.

I totally get the wife thingy and such. I remember last time photos leaked of my COs dates I was so heartbroken I missed out on several exams and ended up having to call in sick the rest of my semester. Thanks for the kind words <3 In my mind, it just keeps being like: you really be special for being worth something in this world. And I'm just an average person. I know most people are, and I don't judge others as harsh as I judge myself. I'm certain you all know how that's like!! especially with depression, right?

I really wish I could beat it and get out of this illussion! But right as it is now, I'm only really happy when I believe I can truly be with him one day. --- I even start buying clothes that are more fashionable, I work out more and I don't eat as much as I used to because I'm kind of chubby and no celeb would be with an average chubby person like me. 

 

@I wanna be me: I totally get you!!! I really do. All I've done today was think of my CO and if he was there, decorating with me and taking parts in the Christmas traditions we do in my country. Sometimes I even speak out aloud and act like he's there... 

 

@Audrey822 Wow, I really feel with you. That's a heavy post. 45+ years is absolutely wild, I don't know how you have coped with it so far. Do you mind me asking how you feel about your husband and children? I always have this thought in my head that says I won't ever be able to have children and love them because if they're not a part of my CO then I don't ever think I would love my future children. 

I totally understand where you're going with it. This is just so much more than a simple celebrity crush. I've always felt so connected with him even though he doesn't even know me. I model my whole life after what I think he would like, and had I not told my therapists or found this board, I would also have taken it to the grave. How have you been able to cope with it for so many years? Have you never wanted to get rid of it? I really want to both get rid of this, because it's a hopeless dead end for me, and I'm not allowing any potential men into my life - and like I said, I don't feel like I could ever start a family, for if it's not with him, then I wouldn't be truly happy. 

Yeah I know I shouldn't use the money I don't have.. but I have no idea how to stop myself. I just keep taking student loans and then I can afford going to london for a few days and hang around in the area where he's been spotted recently in hopes of meeting him. 

I really want to go though. I keep making up scenarios in my head and thinking: alright, if you do this, say that and then do this. So you won't miss your chance. But I mean, it's a little creepy I guess if someone would hit on you while you would be walking your dog. Especially him being so self-aware of his status, and who is probably aware of crazy fangirls

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10 minutes ago, cornflakegirl said:

Hello everyone,

I created an account today just so I can share my experiences with celebrity obsession...I have been having them for most of my life, starting with silly cartoon characters as a child and on to movie, TV, and music stars as I got older.  I am now in my mid 30's and I am still struggling with this issue.  The only difference is that, unlike in the past when my obsession would end after 3 or so years (at the most), I am now stuck on a particular obsession with a celebrity that has been going on strong for about 11 years (and still counting).  The celebrity in question is 20+ years older than me, married, and from a different country (which makes him all the more attractive to me because I have never been able to travel to other countries) and is multi-talented.  He has been in the business for a long time and he's good at just about anything he does.  I have had some concurrent crushes/low level obsessions with other celebrities but they pale in comparison to my main obsession by a very large margin.

I was also recently diagnosed with depression and I currently have no job.  I am also married to a wonderful man and feel immense pressure to try to get myself together so that I can be "normal" productive member of society again...I have also read some of the other responses on this thread too and it seems a lot of other folks have used their obsessions as a way to cope with the daily stresses of life.  I definitely do this and have found myself collecting pictures of this particular celebrity on my computers (I am at around 5,000+ pictures right now!), buy up any movies or tv shows he has appeared in, any articles that feature or mention him in magazines (online or in print), and any music he's done. I also find him incredibly attractive physically and I have a strong compulsion to look at his gorgeous face on my phone in which I have him as a background image.  I get a rush every time I see his face and it continues to feed the obsession.

I have taken myself off of Facebook (in which I had joined countless fan groups of this celebrity) as well as Twitter and Instagram.  I also made a point to avoid watching anything with him in it and while it does help some, I still find myself looking at his picture on my phone. I made sure to take his picture off as my background on my computer because he was becoming too distracting for me.  But taking his picture off my phone was too much to bare.  I have in the past attempted to cut myself off cold turkey with this celebrity and it seemed like it was working...for two years I managed to somewhat manage it lot better but still had frequent "relapses" as I would find myself fighting urges to look up his picture online and download them to my hard drive, the latest news on him, or to resist watching movies with him in it.  It was torture...all it took was a brief article about him that just so happened to pop up on my news feed without any effort on my part and the obsession began again.

I don't want to go on the rest of my life like this, but at the same time, I don't want to stop it.  Some days, I feel that it is the only thing that gives me any kind of pleasure.  I wish I could just cut back on the obsession so that I can still be a fan and enjoy his stuff without feeling overwhelmed by my intense feelings for him. I know I will never be with him and that he's out there living his life while I am at home being pathetic.  I feel no ill will towards his wife...if anything, I think pictures featuring him and his wife are adorable and I think she is the luckiest lady in the world.  I just want to get a better grip on this.

Sorry for the long rant...I have been hiding this for a long time and like many here, feel embarrassed to share this with other people.  I have my first appointment with my therapist next week and I am unsure if I should bring this up because I don't want them to downplay it....it is one of the reasons why I kept it to myself, the fear that no one would take this seriously.  

 

Thanks for sharing your story, it's very reaffirming to know that people know what you're going through. I'm glad to see so many of you able to be married or with someone. I'm still single (Single for about 10 years now) because of my CO. I have no idea how you guys can be in a relationship. I think it's amazing, so props to you all. 

 

You say: "I don't want to go on the rest of my life like this, but at the same time, I don't want to stop it. " Which I can 110% relate to. It's really hard when you have an internal battle going on 24/7. some days it feels so good daydreaming about your CO and you're positive (in my view) that you'll end up with them. Then when reality hits and you know it's all BS you just completely go into another major manic depression period where you can't do anything but stare at a wall for hours and crying. 

 

I'm so glad you shared, I can definitely relate to it. And I'm so grateful this thread is still going on, even though it's so old. 

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Also: I hope things will go well with your therapist. I can only say the reason why I haven't told my therapy group about it, is because they're not professionals. I feel a lot safer about telling a therapist about it because they're professional and I'm almost 100% certain that they will take your issue seriously. I think it's really important to talk about it, so you can process what and why you're having all these feelings. 

I'm hoping that once in the future I'll be completely rid of this need to be with him -- but as it is right now, I'm dying to know whatever I can do to be with him, I'm constantly looking for advice online and what others have an idea of what I could do to meet him and make him fall for me.  

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14 minutes ago, Helpme26 said:

Thanks for sharing your story, it's very reaffirming to know that people know what you're going through. I'm glad to see so many of you able to be married or with someone. I'm still single (Single for about 10 years now) because of my CO. I have no idea how you guys can be in a relationship. I think it's amazing, so props to you all. 

 

You say: "I don't want to go on the rest of my life like this, but at the same time, I don't want to stop it. " Which I can 110% relate to. It's really hard when you have an internal battle going on 24/7. some days it feels so good daydreaming about your CO and you're positive (in my view) that you'll end up with them. Then when reality hits and you know it's all BS you just completely go into another major manic depression period where you can't do anything but stare at a wall for hours and crying. 

 

I'm so glad you shared, I can definitely relate to it. And I'm so grateful this thread is still going on, even though it's so old. 

Thanks for the reply @Helpme26! :-) 

My husband knows about "the other man in my life" that is my CO but I still make every effort possible to spend as much time with my husband because he is a really loving guy and I would probably be in deeper trouble without him in my life.  I make my husband my top priority and try not to flaunt my obsession too much in front of him.  But when I am alone, my CO takes over and sometimes it makes me feel worse because I am wasting time and energy on a person that I can never be with.  

There have been some occasions where I have found myself crying over this too....it's insane!  Like, when I try to give myself a break from my obsession, I feel like I am "breaking up" with my CO as if he's my boyfriend! It's ridiculous because this man doesn't even know I am alive! Meanwhile, I have a loving husband whose crazy about me and wants to spend time with me.  It's not fair to my husband. Even he doesn't understand the depth of this obsession and believe me, it goes a LOT deeper than I am willing to discuss even here.  But it helps to even see other people dealing with the same thing.  And I agree with it making the depression worse...after you get down from that high and have to face your reality again, it just crushes the spirit.....but then I see his face again, and the process starts all over again.

I saw this thread pop up on an internet search on how to deal with celebrity obsessions and this website thread popped up...I was surprised to see that it was still current, which is what prompted me to post today.    

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@Helpme26:

I hope that the therapist can help me too...but if possible, it might be helpful for you too to talk it out with a professional when it is financially viable to do so.  I am only able to do it because I am prior military and I have access to the Veteran's Affair's health care system which is a lot cheaper.  

As for trying to meet up with your CO....I've had some brushes with that as well.  I grew up in southern California, which afforded quite a few opportunities to meet celebrities. I have actually met a few of my celebrity crushes and at least one of my obsessions and it was incredible!  I found that shortly after I met them, my obsession would end within the next year because I achieved my ultimate goal and after that, the magic kind of went with it.  I met one of my previous CO's at an autograph signing for a child actor audition and the other at an autograph signing at a music store.  The opportunities presented themselves and I went when I had the chance, lol!  I have a desire to meet my current CO too, but I don't have any expectations beyond getting an autograph (and if I dare wish it - a picture taken with him!) but I wouldn't count on even get THAT far with it....

I often wonder why I can't be happy with what I have right now.  What is it about my particular psychology that makes me be this way?  I hope my appointment with my therapist will be a starting point for me to figure some of this stuff out.

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@cornflakegirl I hope you find something out with your therapist, but always remember it's a loooooooooong and tedious process. It's really hard and it will also be hard to tell them for the first time. 

I have met my CO and I've talked with him before, it only seemed to make me that much more depressed because I was too shy and didn't say all the things I had planned (or asked him out) and now I feel like I missed an opportunity. So I feel my obsession has become even stronger. 
 

How do you guys cope with having husbands? Do you love them? Or do you love your CO's more? I can't seem to open up my heart for someone else. :( Yet I feel so lonely all the time - I definitely think that my CO is filling the void that I feel like I'm unlovable, I've only had bad relationships before and I used to be treated like dirt by guys. Then there's him who's this perfect english gentleman, who I met and seems as perfect and loving irl. And I'm just... devastated that I can't be with him. 

 

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