Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support

[ghost_reborn]

8 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

Welcome to you too @ghost_reborn! :)

I also felt really relieved when I first found this thread. It's comforting to know that you're not the only person in the world going through this.

You say you enjoy your fantasies about your CO and writing stories about them, so my advice is not to give those things up. The best thing to do would probably be to try to avoid anything that reminds you of the reality of your CO's personal life, such as their social media pages. I'm not sure that trying to avoid thinking about them entirely is an achievable goal, and it's likely to make you feel worse. But separating your fantasy from reality could be something that works for you.

That might be a good idea to separate fantasy from reality.  My stories are already kind of my escape from reality and definitely not a thing I want to give up.

Avoiding their social media is a must for me, but so hard.  I seem to avoid it for a while and then think, 'what harm could one little look do?' and then it's back down the spiral again.

[Amy95]

Thank you everyone for the warm welcome 

I'm interested in reading your strategies with coping with CO/how you deal with it because everyone seems to have different ones. I have written fanfiction about some of my objects as well (mostly the fictional characters, but I do have prompts for a fanfiction/novel inspired by my current one who is a celebrity) I also completely avoid (in fact, I have unfollowed) my CO's social media because seeing him interact with other people (esp. their SO) can trigger despair and episodes of depression. I have also stopped listening to his music for the same reason; the lyrics are mostly about romance and that reminds me that I'm not the object of said romance and will never be. 

I wonder how those CO's reflect on our real life "perfect matches" too because all of my CO's that I can think of (except maybe one or two from my childhood) were all men that I'd love to be with in real life. They're all funny, charming, kind, talented, handsome etc. In fact my current one is, by the words of everyone I know who met him, so nice and humble, and he's also incredibly talented, very smart and socially aware, super tall (I'm a pretty tall girl myself so I'm always made to feel like I'll need a taller man) and while many people would say he's average looking, I find him really attractive. But having all your CO's be the same type of people you'd be attracted too in real life doesn't seem to be the case for everyone because I've even seen replies on this thread saying that they're straight but they're obsessed with someone from the same sex. 

In general, I think this is something that people are ashamed to talk about and therefore not many professionals seem to have cared to study it, but the "rules" (if there are any) seem to vary from one person to another. 

Edited July 26, 2017 by Amy95
typos

[Javaaddict]

Man I'm really enjoying this thread, because it's good to know I'm not alone. I found this place because I was doing some research into this. After my fav person was seen with a female and it had to happen at the worst time ever. I was in desperate need to retreat to my dream world and that just destroyed it and I have not been able to return to it since and  I can't handle anything right because I don't have it to retreat to. I guess somebody ratted me out to a male friend who's a fan and he made a public post asking why fans get upset when their fav singer gets a girlfriend.  Well with my mental state I assumed he was calling me out and i flipped and pretty much went into a depression. I'm not the only one who assumed who he was referring to the celebrity as others said his name. Friebd denied it and claimed it had nothing to do with said famous person. When my friend questioned him and told him what she saw he said he heard, but told me that this was the first he heard of it and it had nothing to do with the celebrity. So, either friends of mine thought I was really upset about this girl and told him or other fans also saw them together, flipped out and ran to my friend. Either way it really bothered me and I started to research because I wanted to see why we are like this and I found this forum.   I mean I hate feeling like this. I've met this celebrity And I was treated as just another fan, so yeah I know what reality is but having fantasy was nice and now it's gone and I'm missing it. What hurts is my friends get what I dream about. They are friends with him on fb, one wrote a fan letter and I hand delivered it and he responded, I write a letter and nothing (that was my first fan letter since I was like 15 as I don't write them) so yeah.  Lol

[HopelessRomantic2011]

8 hours ago, Amy95 said:

Thank you everyone for the warm welcome 

I'm interested in reading your strategies with coping with CO/how you deal with it because everyone seems to have different ones. I have written fanfiction about some of my objects as well (mostly the fictional characters, but I do have prompts for a fanfiction/novel inspired by my current one who is a celebrity) I also completely avoid (in fact, I have unfollowed) my CO's social media because seeing him interact with other people (esp. their SO) can trigger despair and episodes of depression. I have also stopped listening to his music for the same reason; the lyrics are mostly about romance and that reminds me that I'm not the object of said romance and will never be. 

I wonder how those CO's reflect on our real life "perfect matches" too because all of my CO's that I can think of (except maybe one or two from my childhood) were all men that I'd love to be with in real life. They're all funny, charming, kind, talented, handsome etc. In fact my current one is, by the words of everyone I know who met him, so nice and humble, and he's also incredibly talented, very smart and socially aware, super tall (I'm a pretty tall girl myself so I'm always made to feel like I'll need a taller man) and while many people would say he's average looking, I find him really attractive. But having all your CO's be the same type of people you'd be attracted too in real life doesn't seem to be the case for everyone because I've even seen replies on this thread saying that they're straight but they're obsessed with someone from the same sex.

In general, I think this is something that people are ashamed to talk about and therefore not many professionals seem to have cared to study it, but the "rules" (if there are any) seem to vary from one person to another. 

I would say that my CO is my "dream man" although I've never dated anyone like him in real life. For one, he's covered in tattoos and I am generally not attracted to men who are covered in tattoos. However when it comes to him, I'm not bothered by it at all. But I would still say that in real life, I'm not looking for a guy who's covered in tattoos. It's fine when you're in a rock band, but probably not the greatest thing to do if you work in an office like I do. lol But aside from his looks not being what I normally go for, I'm definitely attracted to what I've seen of his personality and would be interested in dating someone with similar qualities. 

I would agree with you that people probably aren't very open about discussing this sort of thing. I unfortunately have a big mouth when it comes to the things I'm really into, so I've already talked to several people about being a fan of my CO and his band, but they don't know the extent of my obsession (or maybe they do! lol)

 

 

[urivgirl86]

All I can say is I have no idea what is really true about anything at all anymore.

Edited July 27, 2017 by urivgirl86

[Javaaddict]

I looooooove my rock stars. As a kid I always said I'd marry one or at least a guy in a band. Sadly I was always a short fat brunette so obviously that never happened. Even though I'm now married, I still love my rockstars.  It has always been that way, and prob always will. I just have this thing for creative, talented guys. I will admit I have often wondered what it would be like to be a groupie, never got the chance because I was never good looking and never got to be around bands. Still not good looking or around bands much but due to my marriage status I can no longer entertain the idea. 

[HopelessRomantic2011]

6 hours ago, Javaaddict said:

I looooooove my rock stars. As a kid I always said I'd marry one or at least a guy in a band. Sadly I was always a short fat brunette so obviously that never happened. Even though I'm now married, I still love my rockstars.  It has always been that way, and prob always will. I just have this thing for creative, talented guys. I will admit I have often wondered what it would be like to be a groupie, never got the chance because I was never good looking and never got to be around bands. Still not good looking or around bands much but due to my marriage status I can no longer entertain the idea. 

I love musicians too. I don't aspire to be a "groupie" because I'm not willing to sleep with a roadie or anyone else to get to CO, but I too am envious of women who get special perks for being attractive. Unfortunately, the musicians I like are married most of the time, so I don't think they have any interest in groupies anyway. Maybe that sounds naive, but I believe it. My CO is only 26 and he could have anyone, but he chose to get married at a young age and his wife is not all that beautiful, so apparently that's not all he cares about. He could certainly do better physically (and in other ways too), but she's obviously what he wants. I have a former CO who actually married a normal, girl next door type of fan who he met at a show. He married her when he was 19 and they're still married, so that's impressive. While I'm envious of these women, I'm sure it's not easy being married to a guy who has to travel all the time and is desired by so many other women.

[urivgirl86]

After watching a recent television appearance I've come to the realization that yes he's an actual normal person. It's like I saw him in the most humane way & its like you don't see him as a celebrity you see him as a guy who has a different job & lifestyle but is still a good person and I  don't know I feel like I just woke up from a delusional state of mind only to find out thst yes I really did like him as much as I did & for who he is & not just his career and there is a difference. It's like you realize that these people are just people like you but they have a different lifestyle but it's like  you realize how normal he really is.

 

[OpalP25]

@Amy95 I too would definitely love to be with my CO in real life! Obviously it's not a realistic possibility, but I have this "sense" that we're meant to be together... I know it sounds insane. 

I'm not sure that he fits into a particular "type" that I tend to go for though. In fact, looking back at all the guys who have ever been my real-life crushes/COs, I don't seem to have a type at all lol!

As for coping strategies... ignoring and avoiding anything hurtful is really the best advice I can give (although it's not always possible). I'm lucky in that my CO hasn't had a significant other during the time I've been obsessed with him, or ever for that matter. At least as far as I'm aware. So I haven't had to cope with any major heartbreak because of his love life, but there have been a few difficulties I've had to work through (mainly caused by fans speculating). What has been helpful is to not believe in any gossip which isn't based on solid evidence. 

[lucevd]

Hi all,

I am not sure my obsession is in line with what you are talking about, but reading a few dozens pages on this topic, i feel it might. I have become obsessed with someone I know, and actually had a little adventure 9 years ago. Haven't talked since, and barely thought about him. and suddenly, a few days ago, when my depressin started to spiral out of control, i've become obsessed and infatuated with him. ( I am married with a one year old and the most amazing and compassionate partner). It's become all i dream about, and actually a relief from the deoressive thoughts in my life. I can't share this with anybody, as i sound insane and so ungrateful. i think he also might be the representation of a different life i could have had (as if 8 yeears ago he was madly in love with me or me with him - which i don't think was the case, but who knows, my brains aint exactly reliable). I actually made the mistake of sending him an innocent (at least at the moment i wrote it) email, and now i am jumping at my phone, not understanding how he can leave me unanswered like this. it feels like this obsessin is a symtom of something else, an escape from my brain, from my life, from everything. but still, i can't shake the feeling that he is being a jerk to me. 

Thank you all for sharing your stories, and making me feel less awkward about mine, less lonely too. it is a really hard thing to share. why is it so embarrassing though? 

[imalittleteapot]

On 7/27/2017 at 2:06 PM, lucevd said:

Hi all,

I am not sure my obsession is in line with what you are talking about, but reading a few dozens pages on this topic, i feel it might. I have become obsessed with someone I know, and actually had a little adventure 9 years ago. Haven't talked since, and barely thought about him. and suddenly, a few days ago, when my depressin started to spiral out of control, i've become obsessed and infatuated with him. ( I am married with a one year old and the most amazing and compassionate partner). It's become all i dream about, and actually a relief from the deoressive thoughts in my life. I can't share this with anybody, as i sound insane and so ungrateful. i think he also might be the representation of a different life i could have had (as if 8 yeears ago he was madly in love with me or me with him - which i don't think was the case, but who knows, my brains aint exactly reliable). I actually made the mistake of sending him an innocent (at least at the moment i wrote it) email, and now i am jumping at my phone, not understanding how he can leave me unanswered like this. it feels like this obsessin is a symtom of something else, an escape from my brain, from my life, from everything. but still, i can't shake the feeling that he is being a jerk to me. 

Thank you all for sharing your stories, and making me feel less awkward about mine, less lonely too. it is a really hard thing to share. why is it so embarrassing though? 

If you're feeling this way about an ex from a long time ago, this sounds like a case of limerence. (ETA: I guess we can't link to articles anymore.) You can Google 'Limerence' and read to see if this sounds like your situation. 

*link removed. Please pm member to obtain it*

I've suffered from limerence as well. It is a horrible feeling and it sucks. Sometimes it can last as long as 3 or 4 years over the same person, but usually not much longer. My episode started with an online interaction a few years ago that I had to nip in the bud before it turned into almost 'emotional affair' kinds of feelings. I rarely ever think about this person anymore. I'm so glad I don't. I hope it helps to know that it does fade.

I'm starting to enjoy my CO's lately, in that I don't feel much pain or jealousy over the people they work with or sing with, or are friends with. In fact, yesterday I stumbled on an article that reported that one of my movie actor CO's (I'll just call him CO#1) might be cast as the leading man for a remake of one of my favorite movies from when I was a teenager! 

He'd be awesome in this role, it was originally played by one of my favorite comic actors from the 80's. :) The actress who they're considering to co-star with him as the leading lady is one of my current favorite actresses. She's super funny and a different type from the usual leading ladies. I'm very happy and excited about this! I'm in no way jealous of her at all, in fact I think they would be so cute together in this and I SO hope they take the parts! :) If they do I can't wait to see it!

So this is a good sign that I'm feeling better about the CO situation and maybe ALL these guys will be downgraded in my mind to plain "fun" celebrity crushes. I have 4 of them right now. 3 are movie actors. One is a European actor who's not even that famous, I only noticed him because of a very minor role in my favorite movie. The fourth is Christian-music singer. 

My husband has been doing better this week and we've been having more positive interactions together. I still wish I could turn on more of the romantic attraction that I used to have for him. I still feel guilty about this.

I've been busy with a new writing project lately, and I've been talking with a lot of writer friends, so I have something creative and hobby related that keeps my mind happy and not focused on actors or CO's in the first place. :)

 

 

Edited July 30, 2017 by imalittleteapot
Link

[BlueStarr]

@imalittleteapot,

Good for you to be able to enjoy your COs, not get too jealous, and to not stay "obsessed" for too long. It sounds like you have celebrity crushes, not actual COs (celebrity obsessions). That's probably healthier for you, but quite different than an obsession, which is much more painful and much more intense.

Edited July 30, 2017 by BlueStarr

[HopelessRomantic2011]

I'm upset that the "like" button is gone. :(

It's been two weeks since I saw my CO in concert and I'm still trying to hang on to that memory. I'm glad I recorded some of it because it went by so fast and it's all a blur at this point. I don't know when I'll be able to see him again, but I hope it'll be next year.

I heard some news about him recently that I found a bit disturbing. I can't say with certainty that it's true, but supposedly he might be into Scientology. I don't mean to insult anyone's beliefs and I don't know a ton about Scientology, but the things I've heard about it are disturbing to me. Especially the whole idea that if you do something that they don't like, you pretty much get shunned by everyone and I wouldn't want him to feel trapped in a situation like that just because he's afraid of the consequences of leaving. His wife is supposedly a Scientologist, so that just makes it worse. Aside from me being jealous and all, I really don't feel like she's good for him, but what can I do? As I said, he seems to be very smart, so I will just have to trust him to make the right decisions for his own life.

[HopelessRomantic2011]

22 hours ago, imalittleteapot said:

If you're feeling this way about an ex from a long time ago, this sounds like a case of limerence. (ETA: I guess we can't link to articles anymore.) You can Google 'Limerence' and read to see if this sounds like your situation. 

*link removed. Please pm member to obtain it*

I've suffered from limerence as well. It is a horrible feeling and it sucks. Sometimes it can last as long as 3 or 4 years over the same person, but usually not much longer. My episode started with an online interaction a few years ago that I had to nip in the bud before it turned into almost 'emotional affair' kinds of feelings. I rarely ever think about this person anymore. I'm so glad I don't. I hope it helps to know that it does fade.

I'm starting to enjoy my CO's lately, in that I don't feel much pain or jealousy over the people they work with or sing with, or are friends with. In fact, yesterday I stumbled on an article that reported that one of my movie actor CO's (I'll just call him CO#1) might be cast as the leading man for a remake of one of my favorite movies from when I was a teenager! 

He'd be awesome in this role, it was originally played by one of my favorite comic actors from the 80's. :) The actress who they're considering to co-star with him as the leading lady is one of my current favorite actresses. She's super funny and a different type from the usual leading ladies. I'm very happy and excited about this! I'm in no way jealous of her at all, in fact I think they would be so cute together in this and I SO hope they take the parts! :) If they do I can't wait to see it!

So this is a good sign that I'm feeling better about the CO situation and maybe ALL these guys will be downgraded in my mind to plain "fun" celebrity crushes. I have 4 of them right now. 3 are movie actors. One is a European actor who's not even that famous, I only noticed him because of a very minor role in my favorite movie. The fourth is Christian-music singer. 

My husband has been doing better this week and we've been having more positive interactions together. I still wish I could turn on more of the romantic attraction that I used to have for him. I still feel guilty about this.

I've been busy with a new writing project lately, and I've been talking with a lot of writer friends, so I have something creative and hobby related that keeps my mind happy and not focused on actors or CO's in the first place. :)

 

 

@imalittleteapot I wanted to "like" your post but the button has been removed, so I guess I have to comment on everything now! :) I'm glad that things are going well!

[Javaaddict]

On 7/25/2017 at 7:33 AM, ghost_reborn said:

I'm so glad I found this thread.  I'm sorry other people have to deal with this issue, but at the same time, it's a bit of a relief to know I'm not alone in feeling like this.

Someone way back 400 pages ago mentioned something about writing stories about their obsession and I have to admit I've done this as well.  It's been hard for me because thinking about this stuff and writing about it is the kind of thing that feels good in the moment, but then reality crashes in, I realize I can never be with this person, and it just makes my depression all the worse.

The person I can't stop thinking about is only a minor celebrity and the worst part of it for me is that I know I can actually talk to the person if I chose and they would (at least to some extent) respond.  That makes it really hard because I know I have to stay away from this person but the responsibility for doing that is all on me.  I have to constantly and actively avoid talking to this person because I know from experience I will just go down a dark path, and yet it's so unbelievably tempting because I know the rush of pleasure I will get from seeing their first response or two before it all falls apart again.

Basically I'm trying to go cold turkey, like thinking about them is an addiction I need to kick.  It's been a rough year because of this.

I Wanted to re visit something you said. You know you could talk to him/her and they will respond. Same boat for me. Most of my friends in this fandom know the celebrity personally and are known fans. This is a goal of mine that I can't seem to reach. I'd be happy knowing I could message him and he'd respond like he does for my friends but reality is that will never happen to me. I've always been the fan stuff like that never happens to and I'm sure that's part of what has been bothering me. He's been all but avoiding social media these last few months so I don't even have that line of communication now. 

Edited July 31, 2017 by Javaaddict

[OpalP25]

@HopelessRomantic2011 I'm upset too about the "like" button! It's annoying that it's been removed, while the various buttons for sharing content on social media are still here. :(

[HopelessRomantic2011]

20 minutes ago, OpalP25 said:

@HopelessRomantic2011 I'm upset too about the "like" button! It's annoying that it's been removed, while the various buttons for sharing content on social media are still here. :(

Yeah, I don't get that. This is a supportive group and we all made good use of the "like" button. 

In CO news, I recently discovered an online fanclub for my CO's band. It's a moderated group so there's no negativity allowed and that's a good thing. Also, we discussed the age range of the fans in the group and I was pleasantly surprised to find that there are lots of others over 30, so it isn't just me. Yay!! lol Of course this group doesn't compare to you all because I have to keep my romantic feelings about my CO to myself, but it's still nice to talk with other fans of the band about their music and stuff.

[Natasha1]

Guys, i understand that the like button is coming back with more features. At least that is what i hear from another member. We are in the process of an upgrade and our webmaster, who is a volunteer is working hard and probably up to his eyeballs in it all. 

If you want to check it out, the features are currently useable on status updated. Take a look its cool!

Please be patient...hopefully the wait will be shorter at this point.

Thanks, Natasha

[HopelessRomantic2011]

18 hours ago, Natasha1 said:

Guys, i understand that the like button is coming back with more features. At least that is what i hear from another member. We are in the process of an upgrade and our webmaster, who is a volunteer is working hard and probably up to his eyeballs in it all. 

If you want to check it out, the features are currently useable on status updated. Take a look its cool!

Please be patient...hopefully the wait will be shorter at this point.

Thanks, Natasha

Great, glad to hear it.

[urivgirl86]

On Wednesday, July 26, 2017 at 9:07 PM, urivgirl86 said:

All I can say is I have no idea what is really true about anything at all anymore.

Again as I said previously with respect for my CO though it's hard given that I don't know what's true or not but stil I  have no words

[scc]

Everyday just gets worse. I think my CO is cursed. Everything sucks.

Edited August 6, 2017 by scc

[urivgirl86]

11 hours ago, scc said:

Everyday just gets worse. I think my CO is cursed. Everything sucks.

I kind of feel the same way about mine though mine is more in the lines of shock & disappointment but that's life and people are human so I understand that and honestly it's been an eye opener for me. I guess people aren't always what they seem to be ....

[scc]

Something else happened, and now I feel like I should email My CO's manager again, even though he told me not to contact him again. I'm really worried. I never knew my CO would cause me so much stress and anxiety.

[Sally55]

So I haven't thought about my celebrity all summer until football training camp started up last week. I don't have a crush on him anymore nor am I attracted to him at all but I'm starting to become obsessed again. I really want him to sign with a football team for this fall. I think he's a great quarterback and is entertaining to watch. I just heard that the Miami Dolphins were going to sign him if Cutler wasn't going to come out of retirement. Ugh, so close. I never want or wish for anyone to get hurt but I would be pretty happy if either Cutler or Moore got hurt so the team would sign my celebrity. Did I mention I'm moving to Florida? Yep, next February I'm going to Florida for a few weeks to check out houses with a realtor. Hope to buy a place and be moved in by next fall. Actually, I'm moving to the same town that my celebrity played his college football - I first learned about the town when I was stalking my celebrity a few years ago. It's a nice town. It would be awesome if he got to play professional football in Florida too. So let's all wish for Cutler to hurt his ankle this week and have to re-retire.

[BlueStarr]

@Sally55,

If you weren't attracted to him, you wouldn't be obsessed with him in the first place. It sounds like your "crush" has not only become an obsession, but an unhealthy one at that. Are you kidding when you talk about Cutler or Moore hurting themselves so your "crush" will get to play? If you are trying to be funny, it's not amusing to me. Wishing ill on people, and especially asking others to wish ill on them along with you, is really not my form of entertainment.

Edited August 7, 2017 by BlueStarr