Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support

[OpalP25]

@urivgirl86 It's true that you're unlikely to ever become an A-lister, but I don't think having that kind of level of fame would be a lot of fun anyway. It would be really hard to live any kind of normal life under that much public scrutiny.

That's definitely not to say that you should give up on your dreams - you don't have to become super rich and famous to have achieved something in life. My advice is, if you really love music, to focus on singing and performing because you enjoy it, rather than because you're wishing for fame and success. You could try joining a choir or something similar. Who knows, if you're lucky, it could eventually lead to a career!

But the most important thing is to stop dwelling on the past and what might have been, and move on. I'm sure there's a bright future out there for you if you go looking for it!

[urivgirl86]

Thank you @OpalP25 for your words of encouragement.

I think part of my problem is that for so long there was this narration in my head but it didn't fit who I am or what I actually look like. I don't feel old but yet time has a twisted way of reminding you of how old you are in the fact that you're supposed to be married with kids by now or at least that's how people think you should be.

I guess also because my life didn't pan out the way I thought it did but life goes on and I'm on this other side now. It's terrifying and freeing and scaring me at the same time. I guess that's what happens when you learn to let go of everything that you were holding onto out of fear that what you once had was the best thing that ever happened to you but in reality I don't believe that but I do believe I have learned things along the way.

Thank you for reading my long dramatic post and once again for encouraging me with your words. ♥

[HopelessRomantic2011]

6 hours ago, urivgirl86 said:

Hello again everyone. I'm doing Ok. I still have moments where I panic and think I made the worst mistake of my life and then I look at this scrambled persona of this female pop star I mentioned before and I am just reminded of what I am not and will not ever be. It's not her fault. She's highly successful and she's three years younger than me and my brain is just disturbed by all of what she has accomplished at not even 30 years old yet.

I mean I could give you a few other parallels between her and what I wanted before she did it and it's scary but I have to be okay and be happy for others and I am and she seems like a good person who is generous to others and I would be too it's just hard because I know I can never be her and I'm me and I haven't done what she did because it scared me to go to uncharted territory with no guarantees or backup plan or real plan and I sound like a childish brat who is upset that someone more deserving got what they worked so hard for and I was afraid to even rock the boat.

I'm not upset with her I'm upset at myself for being scared of nothing. Until Adele I didn't know soulful pop music was something a woman could be successful in since Dusty Springfield in the 1960s so that inspired me as well as Justin Timberlake who is make pop soulful hip hop type sound. 

I guess there's other white people like me who grew up liking Urban music like me but when you're white and live in the Midwest it kind of makes you seem more weird than kids think you are.

 

I hope you all are doing well. Take care guys.

It's ok. My CO is a white guy in a rock band. I am not white. When I posted photos/video clips of the concert on Facebook, none of my friends knew or cared who he was (not even the white ones), but I'm used to this by now. lol Glad you're doing well!

[OpalP25]

You're very welcome @urivgirl86. 

I don't think you should worry about not being married with kids. The pressure to do all that still exists, but society is becoming more accepting of people who choose to do it later in life, or not at all. You haven't met the right person yet, but don't give up hope! If it's meant to be, it will happen eventually (or so I like to tell myself).

There will be plenty of opportunities out there for you in both your career and love life. You just have to take them!

[Javaaddict]

I had to join this forum just for this thread. You all made me feel normal. I too am in the same boat, but I don't think I have it as severe. Here is my story. I'm married and have a crush on a celebrity/singer if you want to call it that. My friends also like him so we all talk giggle and dirty talk and such and it's fun. I found my fantasies helped me manage when I get really down about life. Here is the issue, my crush is accessible and I've met him quite a few times, hugged him and even held his hand amongst other things. Friends of mine are friendly with him and his band mates (I'm not thou sadly). He also is accessible on social media and it's really him your talking to so fans make him rather nuts bugging him. Recently somebody I know ran into him at an event and he was with a super beautiful girl, one I will never be or look like.  At first it did not bother me because hey I'm just a fan, I'm married and I'm not involved in his life. But then it hit like a ton of bricks. I've been trying to find an explanation as to why it's bothering me because I am married and this should not be an issue. A friend said something to me and it really clicked. I'm not happy with my life, I feel unfulfilled like major things are missing or wrong. My fantasies was my happy place to escape to.  Now that I think my celebrity crush is taken that destroys the fantasy in my mind, it is gone and so is my happy place. I'm not sure how to process this or make it go away so I can be a normal happy fan. He does not fully consume my life, I function normally for the most part but I sure enjoy the fantasy side of it. 

[HopelessRomantic2011]

1 hour ago, Javaaddict said:

I had to join this forum just for this thread. You all made me feel normal. I too am in the same boat, but I don't think I have it as severe. Here is my story. I'm married and have a crush on a celebrity/singer if you want to call it that. My friends also like him so we all talk giggle and dirty talk and such and it's fun. I found my fantasies helped me manage when I get really down about life. Here is the issue, my crush is accessible and I've met him quite a few times, hugged him and even held his hand amongst other things. Friends of mine are friendly with him and his band mates (I'm not thou sadly). He also is accessible on social media and it's really him your talking to so fans make him rather nuts bugging him. Recently somebody I know ran into him at an event and he was with a super beautiful girl, one I will never be or look like.  At first it did not bother me because hey I'm just a fan, I'm married and I'm not involved in his life. But then it hit like a ton of bricks. I've been trying to find an explanation as to why it's bothering me because I am married and this should not be an issue. A friend said something to me and it really clicked. I'm not happy with my life, I feel unfulfilled like major things are missing or wrong. My fantasies was my happy place to escape to.  Now that I think my celebrity crush is taken that destroys the fantasy in my mind, it is gone and so is my happy place. I'm not sure how to process this or make it go away so I can be a normal happy fan. He does not fully consume my life, I function normally for the most part but I sure enjoy the fantasy side of it. 

Welcome to the forum! What you're saying makes sense to me. It definitely sucks when anything occurs that takes away from your fantasy/happy place. I've been very immature this week and wrote a few mean comments on the Internet about my CO's wife. No matter what I or anyone else says about her, he still loves her and is still married to her. I'm carrying on with my fantasy regardless, but I should probably stop wasting time insulting her even if it makes me feel better for a few minutes.

[I wanna be me]

@Javaaddict this is exactly how it is for me!

I've realised  that I have these celebrity (and non celebrity) obsessions because I'm not happy in my home life. As long as I have someone to fantasise about I can deal with my everyday life, but if I have to face up to this I'm like *fingers in ears* blahblahblah. 

Im trying to make some changes around my job, relationship and social life, which is hard because I've basically done the same things for about 15 years! 

Im still fantasising that once I've made these changes it will lead to me meeting my dream man, which annoys me because why can't it be about ME, not some guy, (no matter how utterly wonderful he is 😍) 

i wonder if that's why my brain has been leaping from CO to CO recently. 

 

Ps: it definitely totally sucks when someone you're really into gets with a partner, even though you knew it wouldn't happen, there was still a little "what if..." Big hugs going out to you. 

[Javaaddict]

It really does feel good to know this is rather normal and common. I don't have many people to talk to about this, friends think it's ridlicious to feel this way. I'm not in love with the dude, I don't know him, so that's impossible. Infatuation or crush yes but not love. I think what gets me is I'm very self conscious about my looks, I never feel good enough for anybody but in my dream world I could be good enough because I can dream myself to be who I want.  All the ladies he's seen with are all the same in looks...super skinny, usually physically fit with long blond hair. They look like barbies and I'm aware that's his type we know that and often kid about it amongst ourselves.  But when your short, fat (due to medical issues) and not a blond thst also takes a hit on your dream world or shall I call it head cannon because it's something I will never be.  It's amazing how our brains work.  So unlike most of you I have met my celebrity crush, have physically touched him a few times and I will be again in a few months, so I need to really get over this and I don't know how.  I mean for the record none of us even know who she is and her relation to him but we all made the assumption and I appear to be the only one it's bugging lol.  Let's face it, I have lots of fav singers and actors who are married or in relationships, yet this one got to me.  Wish I knew why. It's not like I did not expect it, it was bound to happen as he's a smart, talented, good looking dude, he's probaby sleeping with all kinds of ladies. 

[Audrey822]

13 hours ago, Javaaddict said:

I had to join this forum just for this thread. You all made me feel normal. I too am in the same boat, but I don't think I have it as severe. Here is my story. I'm married and have a crush on a celebrity/singer if you want to call it that. My friends also like him so we all talk giggle and dirty talk and such and it's fun. I found my fantasies helped me manage when I get really down about life. Here is the issue, my crush is accessible and I've met him quite a few times, hugged him and even held his hand amongst other things. Friends of mine are friendly with him and his band mates (I'm not thou sadly). He also is accessible on social media and it's really him your talking to so fans make him rather nuts bugging him. Recently somebody I know ran into him at an event and he was with a super beautiful girl, one I will never be or look like.  At first it did not bother me because hey I'm just a fan, I'm married and I'm not involved in his life. But then it hit like a ton of bricks. I've been trying to find an explanation as to why it's bothering me because I am married and this should not be an issue. A friend said something to me and it really clicked. I'm not happy with my life, I feel unfulfilled like major things are missing or wrong. My fantasies was my happy place to escape to.  Now that I think my celebrity crush is taken that destroys the fantasy in my mind, it is gone and so is my happy place. I'm not sure how to process this or make it go away so I can be a normal happy fan. He does not fully consume my life, I function normally for the most part but I sure enjoy the fantasy side of it. 

Hi, @Javaaddict...welcome to our thread. I had a very similar experience that threw me for a loop almost 4 years ago...what you said "hit like a ton of bricks" describes well the moment I learned my CO had been married twice before (I've described it as like driving into a brick wall at top speed.) Like you, my fantasy has always been my happy and safe place to escape to. Without him, there is no "me." I had to get it back, and I found a way: I just ignore his reality. That's not possible for everyone, but my CO isn't in the news...he's very obscure and private. In fact, I didn't even know his reality for over 45 years (that was the problem) ...if only the bad news had ended there, but no. I recently learned something that rocked my world again, and there have been numerous things between then and now. But I'm not giving up. I'll ignore it all...it's always been a fantasy in my head, after all. I have to face the fact that I'll never really be with him for real. 💔 The fantasy, however, will go on forever.  If your fantasy is your happy place, reclaim it and don't let anything or anyone in it who doesn't belong there (you know who I mean 😉.) 

 

[posie_riot]

@Javaaddict  We build up these fantasies in our head about being with our COs and then we see the real people our COs are with and it's a bad reality check. I've been there. The fantasies seem mindless and enjoyable as they're happening, but without realizing it, we're kind of tricking our brains into thinking something about these fantasies is real. I don't know why this happens or how to prevent it, but this is why reality hits us like a ton of bricks. Inside our minds, we're not living in reality. It takes some sort of "event" to snap us back to earth and the experience is often startling. 

If you can, I would do what Audrey suggested and try to ignore this woman. Reclaim the fantasy, remind yourself that it's just a fantasy, and see if you can carry on. You say you're not in love, so I think this is possible for you. It's harmless fun as long as you don't become too invested. Keep in mind that you're probably being rather hard on yourself and I bet your mind is exaggerating this other woman's good traits. She's only human too. The main difference between you and her is that she ended up in your CO's path. Maybe she's a friend of a friend or they were at the same event together. You don't know what he would think of you if you had the opportunity to really talk and get to know him. He might think you're wonderful. Try not to put yourself down over this. 

[urivgirl86]

After reading various articles online earlier something has come to my upfront attention involving him

You can get stuck in what you know of someone and in the end you learn something about him and you can't help but feel sad.

I have no words other than if the story is true it's very sad to hear for him and etc involved.

You never know what people are really like or going through & I am continuing to learn that with him.

Edited July 20, 2017 by urivgirl86

[BlueStarr]

@urivgirl86,

I saw that headline too and I thought of you and wondered if you had seen it yet. Now, just be glad this isn't YOUR problem too, if you know what I mean. (I have a feeling you want to be discreet here, so I won't go into any more details.)

Edited July 20, 2017 by BlueStarr

[BlueStarr]

Re: fantasies. I don't really enjoy dwelling on fantasizing about my CO much anymore, (although I do sometimes), because thinking about him makes me very unhappy. I have reached the point where I can look at his picture again without wincing as much, but I haven't watched him lately and I don't want to.

Now I feel even worse today because I went to a psychic and showed her a picture of him because she does readings that about people that way. I wanted her to tell me why he is so sad, but instead of that, she approached it from a "are we compatible" perspective, which I didn't really ask for. She said he's not a good match for me because he isn't enough like me. Gee, I didn't need that. I am not going to marry him anyway, but it makes me feel bad to think that I wouldn't be right for him if circumstances were different. I realize that not all psychics are 100% accurate, but it still gives me one more thing to feel bad about.

[urivgirl86]

Thank@BlueStarr Yes I do. Thank you.  Out of respect for both parties involved. I'm not judging him but I'm learning that all this time since then I thought I was being punished for not going forth in my life without knowing the full details of what was really going on with him. I know now that I was being protected from what could have been my life if this information is true that he knew of the situation and knowingly withheld from letting the other partie know.

 

I think God had to break me and wake me from going over it all again of misplaced blame of someone I had no real clue ove over. I didn't fully know that until now.

 I don't feel clarity but I do have a peace though regardless I care about his health but if he did know & lie to this person back then .....  he could be a changed man now and it's good that he's taken the rap for the other party but still there are no real words for how I feel. I don't feel like bashing him but my heart in a way goes out to him but that's terrible if he did it & lied.

 

Edited July 20, 2017 by urivgirl86

[imalittleteapot]

On 7/18/2017 at 8:14 PM, Javaaddict said:

I had to join this forum just for this thread. You all made me feel normal. I too am in the same boat, but I don't think I have it as severe. Here is my story. I'm married and have a crush on a celebrity/singer if you want to call it that. My friends also like him so we all talk giggle and dirty talk and such and it's fun. I found my fantasies helped me manage when I get really down about life. Here is the issue, my crush is accessible and I've met him quite a few times, hugged him and even held his hand amongst other things. Friends of mine are friendly with him and his band mates (I'm not thou sadly). He also is accessible on social media and it's really him your talking to so fans make him rather nuts bugging him. Recently somebody I know ran into him at an event and he was with a super beautiful girl, one I will never be or look like.  At first it did not bother me because hey I'm just a fan, I'm married and I'm not involved in his life. But then it hit like a ton of bricks. I've been trying to find an explanation as to why it's bothering me because I am married and this should not be an issue. A friend said something to me and it really clicked. I'm not happy with my life, I feel unfulfilled like major things are missing or wrong. My fantasies was my happy place to escape to.  Now that I think my celebrity crush is taken that destroys the fantasy in my mind, it is gone and so is my happy place. I'm not sure how to process this or make it go away so I can be a normal happy fan. He does not fully consume my life, I function normally for the most part but I sure enjoy the fantasy side of it. 

I can relate to the bolded so much, @Javaaddict 

I have a husband who is often difficult to live with. Moody, always busy, and he gives me the silent, cold treatment when he's in a bad mood. I can't change him and I can only be happy with him when he is in one of his more positive moods. When he's not, I NEED to pull away, far from the negativity, into my own world. I need either CO's, strangers I don't know, or fictional characters to fantasize about. I also need to do a lot of creative writing. Lately most of it is reading and writing shameless fanfic.

@BlueStarrYou mentioned compatibility, I know I wouldn't be compatable with any of my actor CO's anyway. The one I'm the most 'into' and feel the most for, he married relatively young. His wife belongs to the same ethnic/religious group that he does. Which I don't belong to. I couldn't imagine dating or marrying someone outside my own faith, Plus, there's age too- this CO is several years younger than me. (ouch.) And they probably met while studying in the entertainment industry, of course.

Another CO is gay, but I have no idea who his partner is 'cause I haven't bothered to look it up, his love life doesn't bother me because obviously! (LOL) My 3rd CO is married, and yes it's kind of *ouch* - You know how that feels. And it makes me guilty because I have a partner, who is committed to me and loves me but he just...(see above.)

@urivgirl86 Consider yourself lucky. You don't need that. I've liked some of that singer's music, too, and he's quite attractive, so I see the appeal- BUT he seems to suffer from that 'groupie' weakness, so you were better off. Maybe you could date a singer or performer someday, or at least someone who is shares some of his good qualities and characteristics, but without all *that* to deal with.

Edited July 21, 2017 by imalittleteapot

[urivgirl86]

Thank you @imalittleteapot I'm beginning to see that is very true. 

[posie_riot]

On July 20, 2017 at 5:56 AM, urivgirl86 said:

Thank@BlueStarr Yes I do. Thank you.  Out of respect for both parties involved. I'm not judging him but I'm learning that all this time since then I thought I was being punished for not going forth in my life without knowing the full details of what was really going on with him. I know now that I was being protected from what could have been my life if this information is true that he knew of the situation and knowingly withheld from letting the other partie know.

 

I think God had to break me and wake me from going over it all again of misplaced blame of someone I had no real clue ove over. I didn't fully know that until now.

 I don't feel clarity but I do have a peace though regardless I care about his health but if he did know & lie to this person back then .....  he could be a changed man now and it's good that he's taken the rap for the other party but still there are no real words for how I feel. I don't feel like bashing him but my heart in a way goes out to him but that's terrible if he did it & lied.

 

I think it's great that you're choosing not to judge him and that your heart still goes out to him. That shows what a loving person you are. I can't blame you for not having a sense of clarity. It's a confusing situation. It's not easy to see someone you care so much about going through something like this. You are right - there are no words. He is human, he made a mistake, and hopefully he has learned from it. 

I've told you this before... I don't believe you are being punished by God or that you are to blame in any way for not pursuing him. I feel very confident about that. That was true before this news story came out and it's still true now. I don't think that God would have put up as many obstacles if it had been your destiny to go after him. You need to have faith in yourself and trust your decisions. Maybe it was meant to be that you should admire him from afar and send positive energy to him that way. Who says that he can't feel it. You are doing fine, urivgirl. Please trust that. 

[Audrey822]

@urivgirl86.... I agree with what @posie_riot said to you 100%. You've loved this man a long time. This is not going to make you stop caring for him, and of course your heart goes out to him. I'm from an older generation....I'm not familiar with his music, but because he's your CO, you've made me care about him too because you're family here. Like posie said, he's human and he made a mistake. Who hasn't?

[Audrey822]

On 7/19/2017 at 11:33 PM, BlueStarr said:

Re: fantasies. I don't really enjoy dwelling on fantasizing about my CO much anymore, (although I do sometimes), because thinking about him makes me very unhappy. I have reached the point where I can look at his picture again without wincing as much, but I haven't watched him lately and I don't want to.

Now I feel even worse today because I went to a psychic and showed her a picture of him because she does readings that about people that way. I wanted her to tell me why he is so sad, but instead of that, she approached it from a "are we compatible" perspective, which I didn't really ask for. She said he's not a good match for me because he isn't enough like me. Gee, I didn't need that. I am not going to marry him anyway, but it makes me feel bad to think that I wouldn't be right for him if circumstances were different. I realize that not all psychics are 100% accurate, but it still gives me one more thing to feel bad about.

@BlueStarr...I wouldn't worry about this. Another psychic might tell you something completely different. Only the two of you, you and your CO, could decide if the two of you are compatible are not...certainly not someone who doesn't even know the two of you. Just ignore that, and don't feel bad. 

Edited July 22, 2017 by Audrey822

[urivgirl86]

@posie_riot Thank you. It is hard because I do care about him regardless of whatever happens or what he has or hasn't done. I don't think God is punishing me I just think in His way and timing he shows me how He cares for me and that He understands how I do care about this man and he has been in my thoughts on and off throughout my life for a long time. I wish him well.

Thanks @Audrey822 for your response as well calling  me family here. I do appreciate everyone's love and support throughout my own unique journey here.

Edited July 22, 2017 by urivgirl86

[Amy95]

Hello! I found this thread through my research and I registered especially to reply to it. I want to disclaim that I have not read all the comments (there are almost 400 pages now, but I read what I can, so, sorry if I'm late to the conclusions that you guys have drawn so far.)

First of all, I want to say that I share this experience too, and I'm doing some research as to what the reasons are, if there's a possible treatment etc, so I want to preface this by saying that I'm by no means an expert and that I have talked to none (like many of you, I'm too ashamed to talk about this to anyone and also where I live there's a stigma surrounding talking about mental health in general) this is just my personal experience with the condition and what I've gathered from looking at internet pages so far. 

1. I remember having this condition ever since I was 4 or 5 years old. I would daydream and obsess about certain celebrities and fictional characters, coupled with the fact that I have Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder too. The objects of my obsession were always male (I'm a heterosexual woman and there was always a sexual drive behind it too (from a pretty young age.)

2. The subjects of my obsession, like I said, were always either fictional characters from books or animes, or celebrities. It would usually last from a couple of years to three, and then I move on to another one, but I cannot remember a period of my life when I didn't have such an obsession over one object or the other. 

3. Once or twice I had crushes on real boys, but even then, the crush would happen simultaneously with an obsession over an object, and the two things would go hand in hand. And generally, the crush would last for shorter than the obsession over the "current" object.

4. I'm 22 years old now, having such an obsession at the moment and I know I'll get over it in a year or two, but like I said even after I get over one object I find another, so I'm kinda terrified I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life at the moment.

5. I used to think this could be a psychological thing to make up for the lack of real romance but like I said, I've had it since I was circa 4 years old, what kind of lack of romance would a 4 year old feel and need to make up for? So, I think this is a real mental illness caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. 

6. That being said, from the research I've done so far, I think this is a form of limerence. 

7. Yes, my obsession/limerence entails telltale symptoms of limerence such as swings between hope and despair and extreme despair and jealousy when the object is in a relationship. I also have depression and low self esteem, so this despair can trigger depressive episodes. Interestingly, though, when the object was a fictional character, the despair would not be as bad because as a person with MADD too, it was easy for me to create a universe where my object/para is now single and in love with me/fantasy me, but when it's a celebrity, their relationship with another and the possibility of rejection is as real as they are, and even if I construct a universe/possible reality where they belong to me, like I said, the fear of rejection is still real. 

If you've read this so far, thank you. Also thank you for sharing your experiences and making me realize I'm not alone. 

[ghost_reborn]

I'm so glad I found this thread.  I'm sorry other people have to deal with this issue, but at the same time, it's a bit of a relief to know I'm not alone in feeling like this.

Someone way back 400 pages ago mentioned something about writing stories about their obsession and I have to admit I've done this as well.  It's been hard for me because thinking about this stuff and writing about it is the kind of thing that feels good in the moment, but then reality crashes in, I realize I can never be with this person, and it just makes my depression all the worse.

The person I can't stop thinking about is only a minor celebrity and the worst part of it for me is that I know I can actually talk to the person if I chose and they would (at least to some extent) respond.  That makes it really hard because I know I have to stay away from this person but the responsibility for doing that is all on me.  I have to constantly and actively avoid talking to this person because I know from experience I will just go down a dark path, and yet it's so unbelievably tempting because I know the rush of pleasure I will get from seeing their first response or two before it all falls apart again.

Basically I'm trying to go cold turkey, like thinking about them is an addiction I need to kick.  It's been a rough year because of this.

[OpalP25]

Welcome to the thread @Amy95! :)

I found it really interesting to read about your experiences of celebrity obsession and your thoughts on the causes behind it.

I agree with you that having a CO is more complicated than just making up for a lack of real romance. It can be quite an effective alternative to an actual relationship, but like you, I've had feelings for a real-life person and a CO simultaneously on a few occasions (I'm actually in this situation right now). So it definitely goes deeper than just a need to be infatuated with someone.

Everyone's CO situation is different, but I'm fairly certain that my obsessions with famous people have been mostly caused by the fact that I have always had an extremely obsessive personality. Similarly to you, I've had these kinds of all-consuming obsessions since I was about 2 or 3 (however, back then I had addictions to certain TV series, books and films. The romantic obsessions with famous men started when I was 11). Although I have experienced distress at times due to the strength of my feelings for my CO, I'm not sure I'd define this as a mental illness. Having obsessions seems so normal and natural to me, I can't really imagine my life without them!

 

Welcome to you too @ghost_reborn! :)

I also felt really relieved when I first found this thread. It's comforting to know that you're not the only person in the world going through this.

You say you enjoy your fantasies about your CO and writing stories about them, so my advice is not to give those things up. The best thing to do would probably be to try to avoid anything that reminds you of the reality of your CO's personal life, such as their social media pages. I'm not sure that trying to avoid thinking about them entirely is an achievable goal, and it's likely to make you feel worse. But separating your fantasy from reality could be something that works for you.

[urivgirl86]

As of right now I am aware that there is a difference between genuinely liking someone for who they are vs. what they are selling you. I have always cared about this individual in a personal way while feeling attracted to what he was selling and I was more than willing to buy a thousand tears ago before as of now.

It's still a sad situation all around and I do feel bad for him regardless of his actions because I can't help but feel somewhat protective over him but I'm learning that's not my job it never has been never will be.

I guess you can feel something called compassion with infatuation and genuinely like the guy and be naïve and young about everything then you go through the past twelve years thinking you were being punished for what you didn't do until something unthinkable happens and it changes how you view your life.

What I have learned is that if I do get married and face obstacles with my husband will I be willing to love him throughout the situation? Yes. Will I be able to forgive him? Yes. It's not easy but you don't fall in love with someone for their accomplishments or money or houses or private jet planes. That's not love that's stuff.

I guess I continue to cheer him on to be the best version of himself because you feel like you've seen them grow up though you're eight years younger than him and you want what is best for that person even if you will never be what is right for one another and it would have never worked out in real life other than your mind and you can't help but still care about this person though you don't know him in real life.

Maybe one day God will show me how this is all going to work out on my behalf and his behalf. I believe it can because when bad things happen something good can come as a result. I know that He is and I am willing but the grief is still there.

I hope you all are doing well & welcome to the newest member of our fold. Don't mind me I'm actually a lot more sane in real life than my posts give me credit for. Thank you for reading this message if you did.

Edited July 25, 2017 by urivgirl86

[HopelessRomantic2011]

12 hours ago, Amy95 said:

Hello! I found this thread through my research and I registered especially to reply to it. I want to disclaim that I have not read all the comments (there are almost 400 pages now, but I read what I can, so, sorry if I'm late to the conclusions that you guys have drawn so far.)

First of all, I want to say that I share this experience too, and I'm doing some research as to what the reasons are, if there's a possible treatment etc, so I want to preface this by saying that I'm by no means an expert and that I have talked to none (like many of you, I'm too ashamed to talk about this to anyone and also where I live there's a stigma surrounding talking about mental health in general) this is just my personal experience with the condition and what I've gathered from looking at internet pages so far. 

1. I remember having this condition ever since I was 4 or 5 years old. I would daydream and obsess about certain celebrities and fictional characters, coupled with the fact that I have Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder too. The objects of my obsession were always male (I'm a heterosexual woman and there was always a sexual drive behind it too (from a pretty young age.)

2. The subjects of my obsession, like I said, were always either fictional characters from books or animes, or celebrities. It would usually last from a couple of years to three, and then I move on to another one, but I cannot remember a period of my life when I didn't have such an obsession over one object or the other. 

3. Once or twice I had crushes on real boys, but even then, the crush would happen simultaneously with an obsession over an object, and the two things would go hand in hand. And generally, the crush would last for shorter than the obsession over the "current" object.

4. I'm 22 years old now, having such an obsession at the moment and I know I'll get over it in a year or two, but like I said even after I get over one object I find another, so I'm kinda terrified I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life at the moment.

5. I used to think this could be a psychological thing to make up for the lack of real romance but like I said, I've had it since I was circa 4 years old, what kind of lack of romance would a 4 year old feel and need to make up for? So, I think this is a real mental illness caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. 

6. That being said, from the research I've done so far, I think this is a form of limerence. 

7. Yes, my obsession/limerence entails telltale symptoms of limerence such as swings between hope and despair and extreme despair and jealousy when the object is in a relationship. I also have depression and low self esteem, so this despair can trigger depressive episodes. Interestingly, though, when the object was a fictional character, the despair would not be as bad because as a person with MADD too, it was easy for me to create a universe where my object/para is now single and in love with me/fantasy me, but when it's a celebrity, their relationship with another and the possibility of rejection is as real as they are, and even if I construct a universe/possible reality where they belong to me, like I said, the fear of rejection is still real. 

If you've read this so far, thank you. Also thank you for sharing your experiences and making me realize I'm not alone. 

Welcome! That was a very insightful post. The earliest I can remember having celebrity crushes and maladaptive daydreams was around 8-9 and it's continued ever since (I'm in my 30s now). 

I'm not sure whether I believe that the crushes/daydreams are a mental illness itself or just a symptom of another mental illness. I am seeing a therapist for anxiety right now, but I have no desire to "fix" my celebrity crush/daydreaming habits. If there was a pill that would make it all go away, I personally wouldn't take it. I can understand why some others might want to be "cured" of this, but I don't want to be. If I lost the ability to have those strong feelings of infatuation  for my CO, I wouldn't feel that for anyone and that would be sad. Yes, he's married and I'll never have him, but having to forget about him and have no one to feel that way about would just be too depressing for me.