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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support

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On 5/10/2017 at 6:14 AM, perfectcircle77 said:

Could not agree more with this about fandoms. It's the other fans I need to stay away from more than anything. I am a member of a couple of fan groups on Facebook but the mods there are v strict on no talking about their personal life so it's mainly just discussing going to shows and sharing pictures of the 4 of them. I tend to not get too involved in them and should they worsen, I know I can cut them out without problem. 

I haven't been on for a while because things are just fine with me. I'm just going along in love with my CO and getting on with my life - no drama regarding him right now so it's all good. I hope everyone else is too and that those of you in pain can find some help or relief from it. This morning they released tickets for their shows over here later this year and I am very happy to say we got tickets again. Definitely won't be meeting him again, sadly they are no longer doing that, but I will be there, seeing him in the flesh and that will do for now. 

Yes, the social media and fan sites can be terrible. Unfortunately, I cannot get my Reina fix without visiting them.  I even made an Instagram account dedicated to Reina, I post pics frequently. I sometimes I feel like I'm in a competition to see who loves Reina the most.  Some of the fans are downright strange. One can't keep talking about how she looks fat.  Fat? She's very thin. She's 5'6" and weighs a little over 100 LBS. With Reina being a model, I suspect a lot of her fans are young women who want to look and dress like her.  She has 1.4 million Instagram followers, so I'm just a nameless face of many following her account.  Maybe Reina will notice my account, or the 2 other ones I have. Yahoo groups and Pinterest.  I can only wish. 

The only thing good about Reina and social media is it's vastly different in Asia than the US or Europe.  We know all know how it is over here. It's all about relationships and baby bumps. It's sickening if you're obsessed with a celeb, especially if they're all over the news with their partner.  At work I was talking to an Asian guy about this and he told me something interesting.  According to him, in Japan (where Reina lives and works) they don't like broadcasting relationships.  Because if they did, the celeb wouldn't be as popular.  They like  the fantasy of hope. If you don't see your obsession with a lover, there's always hope it may be you who wins their heart. It makes the obsession more real and less stressful. He even said, in some cases the celeb isn't even allowed to date.  If any of this is true, and it seems to be when you compare Asian celebs to Western ones, my Reina obsession is much more fulfilling and vastly less stressful. It's nice I don't have to read about or see her with some guy all the time. I feel bad for those of you who have to see it. 

Well, anyway, I hope you enjoy the show perfectcircle77. It must be nice seeing your CO in the flesh. 

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On 5/12/2017 at 8:24 PM, scc said:

This is a serious problem for me. I'm so obsessed and attached to this celebrity, they're all I think about 24/7. I constantly check up on what they're doing and what people are saying about them. If something bad happens in their career or life or people say anything bad about them it's like it hurts me personally too. I really wish I could stop myself from caring about them and thinking about them because this is not healthy.

If you think you're having problems with your CO you've come to the right place.  All of us here are on different levels of happiness or unhappiness with our obsession. We're here to help and give advice. 

The biggest thing (at least for me) is acceptance.  Whatever the celeb does or whom they're with there's not much we can do about it.  If people, either the media or just regular folk say something mean or unkind about our CO,  what can we do?  Best bet is just to move on and forget about it.  We can't change opinions and if we try, it can be a frustrating adventure. 

I enjoy my CO, her name is Reina. She's a model from Japan.  She's a eurasian gal. She makes me incredibly happy. Like you, I think of her 24/7. But I do not think it's unhealthy for me or my situation. 

If you think it's unhealthy to have this obsession, I think it's best to quit cold turkey and do not pay attention to them. Delete their social media pages and be done with them.  I personally don't believe in baby steps to wean yourself off a so called addiction. (Being obsessed with a celeb can be an addiction) The biggest thing for me is drinking. I just quit it one day, never touched it since. It's been 18 years since I had my last drink.  I didn't work at it, I just stopped.

 If you keep stimulating yourself with even just a little, you will long for it. You will daydream and think about your next fix.  It will become the most important thing in the world to you. For example.  You cut down to viewing your CO's social media to once per week. You still wilt see them, you will get that fix. Your addiction will not go away. You will live for your fix. Now if you quit completely.  It will be painful at first. But you will forget about them. They will disappear into the sands of time. With some celebs, it's tougher. They're in our face all the time.  

For me, it's all or nothing. If I can't enjoy Reina, why should I bother with her?  

With all that said. If you stick around, you will get advice from others. You just have to do what works for you. 

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17 hours ago, NCC said:

If you think you're having problems with your CO you've come to the right place.  All of us here are on different levels of happiness or unhappiness with our obsession. We're here to help and give advice. 

The biggest thing (at least for me) is acceptance.  Whatever the celeb does or whom they're with there's not much we can do about it.  If people, either the media or just regular folk say something mean or unkind about our CO,  what can we do?  Best bet is just to move on and forget about it.  We can't change opinions and if we try, it can be a frustrating adventure. 

I enjoy my CO, her name is Reina. She's a model from Japan.  She's a eurasian gal. She makes me incredibly happy. Like you, I think of her 24/7. But I do not think it's unhealthy for me or my situation. 

If you think it's unhealthy to have this obsession, I think it's best to quit cold turkey and do not pay attention to them. Delete their social media pages and be done with them.  I personally don't believe in baby steps to wean yourself off a so called addiction. (Being obsessed with a celeb can be an addiction) The biggest thing for me is drinking. I just quit it one day, never touched it since. It's been 18 years since I had my last drink.  I didn't work at it, I just stopped.

 If you keep stimulating yourself with even just a little, you will long for it. You will daydream and think about your next fix.  It will become the most important thing in the world to you. For example.  You cut down to viewing your CO's social media to once per week. You still wilt see them, you will get that fix. Your addiction will not go away. You will live for your fix. Now if you quit completely.  It will be painful at first. But you will forget about them. They will disappear into the sands of time. With some celebs, it's tougher. They're in our face all the time.  

For me, it's all or nothing. If I can't enjoy Reina, why should I bother with her?  

With all that said. If you stick around, you will get advice from others. You just have to do what works for you. 

Thanks for your reply. My celebrity obsession no longer makes me feel happy. My depression and anxiety is at it's worst right now and it's because of this obsession I have. I can't explain why, but everyday I wake up anxious and just wanting to go back to sleep. Quitting cold turkey and not paying attention to them just seems impossible to me. I spend all my time on the internet, and I know this person will still be on my mind. 

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1 minute ago, scc said:

Thanks for your reply. My celebrity obsession no longer makes me feel happy. My depression and anxiety is at it's worst right now and it's because of this obsession I have. I can't explain why, but everyday I wake up anxious and just wanting to go back to sleep. Quitting cold turkey and not paying attention to them just seems impossible to me. I spend all my time on the internet, and I know this person will still be on my mind. 

Hi, @scc...welcome to the thread.  I don't disagree with the advice @NCC gave you. I'll tell you why.

You say you're no longer happy with your celebrity obsession.  You're thinking of this person, but you want/need it to stop.  You have to start somewhere to help that along.  You have to make a change.  

I don't know that I would recommend making a huge change.  I wouldn't recommend cutting everything out of your life all at once, but I would definitely recommend that you stop following your celebrity on social media.  Social media is addictive, and it's not good for people like us with COs, unless you're very strong like @NCC is about Reina. I know it sounds daunting to give this up, but if you want something to change, you can't keep everything the same and expect change to happen.   

Good luck. :hugs:

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5 hours ago, scc said:

Thanks for your reply. My celebrity obsession no longer makes me feel happy. My depression and anxiety is at it's worst right now and it's because of this obsession I have. I can't explain why, but everyday I wake up anxious and just wanting to go back to sleep. Quitting cold turkey and not paying attention to them just seems impossible to me. I spend all my time on the internet, and I know this person will still be on my mind. 

I'm sorry you're going through this @scc

Is it the anxiety of what people might be saying about your celebrity that is troubling you the most? Do you feel protective of this person? I think it might help you to try to figure out what the root cause of the obsession is. It also helps to talk things out, and those of us here will support you the best we can. You don't have to do anything dramatic right away. First you need to think about what role this obsession might be filling in your life. 

:welcomeani:

 

Edited by posie_riot

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10 hours ago, scc said:

Thanks for your reply. My celebrity obsession no longer makes me feel happy. My depression and anxiety is at it's worst right now and it's because of this obsession I have. I can't explain why, but everyday I wake up anxious and just wanting to go back to sleep. Quitting cold turkey and not paying attention to them just seems impossible to me. I spend all my time on the internet, and I know this person will still be on my mind. 

Hi SCC! Although in general, my obsession has brought me more positives than negatives, I do recognise this kind of feeling you're describing, and I think I've been through similar moments.

I think constant access to internet makes this kind of anxiety worse as you keep looking, looking, looking continuously. What worked for me was to allow myself some "CO time" but only offline. If you can do something creative related to them, like write a story or poem or make some art - only for you, so don't worry if it's "good", it's just to express your feelings in a different context.

I also find it very difficult when my CO takes unfair criticism, which happens a lot in the media, and really hurts me. You could write a letter (on paper, avoid online) giving support to this person, but I would tone down your feelings and keep it about them if you're actually going to send it. I actually had replies, but even if you don't it doesn't matter and may actually help your celebrity in a tough time for them.

Or alternatively, you could write them a totally honest letter but don't send it.

If cold turkey isn't an option, these can be ways to channel your obsession in a way that makes you feel more in control. I hope this helps you!

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I've just disabled my Tumblr app from my iPad. Too many gifs of my CO, both in 'real life' in clips being funny and cute, and even more gifs of him looking adorable in character, in my favorite movie. It's just too much for my heart to handle. He's too perfect and cute and it hurts that I'll never know him. 

I'm trying to avoid Tumblr anyway, it's too much of a time waster looking at pretty photos and memes and fandom things. I'm still active in my movie fandoms, but that is a source of great creativity and joy. My favorite characters can be written about in fanfiction stories, read about, and enjoyed. In some weird way, I can "have" these characters. I can share the love with others. It's a pleasure to love and discuss them and write about them with other fans, including the character my CO played. 

Once or twice a week I might scroll Twitter and run across a tweet from him. It's usually something political, very left wing and opinionated. I don't mind. It makes me smile, and even more importantly it reminds me he's NOT that fictional character I love so much.

Edited by imalittleteapot

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Accidentally liked a photo of my CO's friend on FB. Deleted my account and everything after that. Been messing up on social media lately. Keep deleting an undeleting and making new emails just because I can't decide what I want to do. I need a place to vent about her. the accidental like made me go haywire. I'm so sick of living like this. Depressed by the outside world, can't escape by going inside my head, which is just filled with anxiety and thoughts about her. I hate this crush, really really do. Sick of it!

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Thanks for the welcome guys. Yes I am very protective of my CO and I care way too much about what people think of them. My depression and anxiety got much worse after one of those blindgossip sites published something meant to be about my CO. I've been worrying about it ever since I saw it. I know people will believe it, and what if it actually is true? in my mind I think about the worst outcome, and that his career and life could be ruined. It's like I'm just always waiting for something bad to happen. 

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4 hours ago, scc said:

Thanks for the welcome guys. Yes I am very protective of my CO and I care way too much about what people think of them. My depression and anxiety got much worse after one of those blindgossip sites published something meant to be about my CO. I've been worrying about it ever since I saw it. I know people will believe it, and what if it actually is true? in my mind I think about the worst outcome, and that his career and life could be ruined. It's like I'm just always waiting for something bad to happen. 

All you can do really is write to them and give your support. I wouldn't say anything specific about the story, just that some horrible stuff appeared online and that must be hard to deal with and basically "I'm thinking of you".


A few years ago my CO was set up by a tabloid paper, and it was blown up and exaggerated into a huge scandal. I was really devastated, thinking how horrible this must be for her.


I wrote to her and sent her a poem about all the really great positive things she'd done, just basically saying "I know you're not like that, and I totally support you". I got a really nice reply saying the poem was beautiful and I'd helped her through a tough time. And in the long run, things got back to normal for her.


But it felt really good to know I'd helped her, and writing that also made me feel better!


There are so many lies and exaggerations out there about anyone famous, and I always believe that unless you know for sure, assume the best! That's my view!

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13 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

I just found out my CO got married again. 

That sounds bad. Hopefully you're holding up.  I think that's something we all dread. 

Is this recent or a marriage from years ago? 

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4 hours ago, NCC said:

That sounds bad. Hopefully you're holding up.  I think that's something we all dread. 

Is this recent or a marriage from years ago? 

Recent. And, yes...if it's true, it's bad.

I'm not even really sure how I'm holding up yet. It's too soon to say. If yesterday was any indication, not so well. 

Thanks for asking. 💙

Edited by Audrey822

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On 5/22/2017 at 3:47 AM, scc said:

Thanks for the welcome guys. Yes I am very protective of my CO and I care way too much about what people think of them. My depression and anxiety got much worse after one of those blindgossip sites published something meant to be about my CO. I've been worrying about it ever since I saw it. I know people will believe it, and what if it actually is true? in my mind I think about the worst outcome, and that his career and life could be ruined. It's like I'm just always waiting for something bad to happen. 

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.  @SeSa gave you an excellent suggestion that might make your CO feel much better, and you too.  I hope it helps. :hugs:

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On 5/20/2017 at 6:46 PM, buttermybiscuit said:

Accidentally liked a photo of my CO's friend on FB. Deleted my account and everything after that. Been messing up on social media lately. Keep deleting an undeleting and making new emails just because I can't decide what I want to do. I need a place to vent about her. the accidental like made me go haywire. I'm so sick of living like this. Depressed by the outside world, can't escape by going inside my head, which is just filled with anxiety and thoughts about her. I hate this crush, really really do. Sick of it!

Were you not able to just "unlike" it instead of having to delete your account?  If you want to vent, feel free.  We're always here to listen and help. :hugs:

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When I experience a CO, I try to transmute it into something positive.  Given my background, that has usually amounted to praying for them.  I feel that love is never a waste or at least doesn't have to be, even impossible love.  Maybe I am wrong, but that's what I think. 

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Don't mind me.....but I have something to say.  

I'm a survivor.   I do believe that about myself.  I've survived a lot in my life....mostly emotional abuse, not physical or sexual abuse (I really feel for people who go through that.)  Another thing I know is, I love the man that I refer to here as my "CO"...I never feel that terminology fits him very well, because he's a minor celebrity if he's a celebrity at all, and he's not an obsession to me.  I love him.  The obsession comes in when we talk about how I've handled this....not being able to control myself from Googling and searching for things when I first got here.   Not being able to have everything there is to have that exists about him....every picture, every piece of music he's ever recorded (I have that) every live performance, every article...those things are obsessions, but not the man himself.  I handle pretty much everything that way though.  I have OCD.  I have to have all the things, and all the things have to be in a certain order, that's the OCD story....the whole nine yards. 

But I digress.

I'm a survivor, and I love that man.  I'm not going to stop loving him just because of this.  I broke my rule last night.  The one I just talked about....the one where I told myself not to Google anymore, not to go looking on social media anymore, because I was trying to find something more about what I thought I learned.  My rationale was "so what if I find something I wouldn't have wanted to find last week?  How can it get worse now?" That was risky and very naive because it could, of course, have gotten much, much worse.  But it didn't.  I was surprised (and a little encouraged) to find that after extensive digging, I was unable to find as much as another mention or a photo of this event that supposedly took place recently.  Even his daughter's FB page had nothing, not even a mention.  Also, he's not wearing a ring.  Now, please please please....do not try to tell me why all this doesn't mean anything and that what I heard yesterday could still be true.  I don't want to hear that.  I'm not trying to be delusional here, but I am trying to reject what I heard.  That's always been my method for dealing with uncomfortable things:  ignore, avoid, reject.

I've put my rule back into effect though:  no more Googling, no more social media.  If there was anything to find, I should have found it last night.  There wasn't.  Things have to go back to the way they were before now...the way they were on Sunday.  

While I was searching through everything I could think of, I found an adorable picture of him standing against a wall, wearing sunglasses and smiling, holding his guitar.  My heart just melted. :icon12: I can't stop loving him.  I might as well ask the earth to stop rotating around the sun.  It's impossible.  Even if we set aside that he's largely responsible (in an indirect way) for getting me through a horrible time when I was a pre-teenager, (he played a very large indirect part in helping me to deal with it all when I was being emotionally abused, through fantasy and maladaptive daydreaming), I could have stopped loving him a long time ago in between then and now.  There were decades when I couldn't find a word about him in print (before the Internet) and I'd lost all my vinyl albums, so I didn't have his music either until I found it again on iTunes in 2013.  So much could have happened, but didn't.  He's meant to be in my heart.  I'm convinced of this.  It doesn't matter what he does or doesn't do.  

I'm feeling better since I wrote this.  Writing is always therapeutic for me, and that was the very best thing I could have written.  

Edited by Audrey822

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Just checking in to report that I had my very first therapy session today to address my anxiety issues.  It was an introductory session so she just asked me some general questions. I actually completely forgot to mention my CO and the maladaptive daydreaming, but maybe that'll come out at some point. She seemed nice. I'll be seeing her again in two weeks. 

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Hey people. Haven't been here forever. @Audrey822 I just want to hug you.
Anyways it's been over 2 years now I think? I haven't watched any shows in months, and I don't know what's going on with my CO, but it doesn't make it easier. Well when I did watch, I would get so bad a couple days later, so maybe I could be doing a lot worse. But I still wish I was better, I'm still crying sometimes, and I can't stand thinking about him. I think I'm gonna be alone forever. I'm getting old with no one to love. I don't have the courage to google him, I'm scared of seeing the same type of thing Audrey. When I think about him his gf is always there in my mind too! It hurts so much. I don't know how to make it alright anymore. I stil feel like I wish I could talk about him to more people. I'm on a bunch of meds so I don't know what options I have, my doctor is probably gonna give me more though. I feel like I wanna shout 'I'm in love with someone I can never have help me please'.
I guess I wanted to say hi, though I'm still scared of reading anything that will make me feel worse? Sorry

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It's just so difficult. I can't stop keeping up with everything they're doing and what others are saying. I don't know how else to occupy my time. I was trying to watch a movie and play video games, and they still kept popping into my head. No matter what I do I still think about them. It just a horrible feeling. 

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19 hours ago, scc said:

It's just so difficult. I can't stop keeping up with everything they're doing and what others are saying. I don't know how else to occupy my time. I was trying to watch a movie and play video games, and they still kept popping into my head. No matter what I do I still think about them. It just a horrible feeling. 

I know.....I understand.   Have a little patience with yourself and don't give in to the urge to go back to see what they're doing just because you can't turn off your brain from thinking about them.  You won't be able to turn this around in a day or two....give yourself time, and give yourself a break.  You're taking the right approach with the movies and video games, just stick with that. 

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Thanks, but I keep giving into the urge to check what's happening. This really is the worst feeling, I have never been so depressed and anxious in my life. I wake up everyday feeling awful. I just want to stop caring and thinking about them. My family has noticed a difference in me and that my depression has gotten worse and I really don't know what to do. I can hardly eat anything because my anxiety is so bad thinking about my CO all the time. It's just pathetic that this has taken over my life and that I care so much about them. My CO used to be the only thing that really made me happy, and now it's what has made me the most depressed I have been in awhile.

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I know nobody wants to see me back here and I really don't give a sh!!. I'm not going to be a regular poster don't worry. Just really REALLY feeling pain over mila tonight. I need her so bad. Please look at this, mila. Please give me my day with you. You've cost me everything and still I ache to know you so bad. Please.

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