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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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Hi everyone, I made a post about a year and a half ago about finding out very disappointing things about a CO.  I have still been following this thread though.

I decided to stay a fan, although it's hard.  Anyway, on Twitter recently, a fan has been sending him many over-the-top tweets through several accounts and he has blocked her.  I made a comment that he is not as perfect as he seems, and she asked me for more information.  So, I sent her the details.  Partly because I think it's better to know the truth early, so it won't hurt so much (she would have found out eventually).  But partly because maybe I wanted to share my pain.  I have not told anyone about this, I feel I cannot discuss it with fans or even tweet him, as I would be labelled a troll.  So I have been seething a long time. She sent him and his girlfriend some angry tweets (through yet another account) I felt a little relief, but also guilty.

Did I do a bad thing?  Is it best to discuss things like that, or not?  I don't like it when fans think someone is perfect and won't accept criticism.  

One lesson I have learned from this is that someone can have a nice persona, but not be so nice in person and we never really know celebrities from interviews etc.

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2 hours ago, Bittersweet4 said:

Hi everyone, I made a post about a year and a half ago about finding out very disappointing things about a CO.  I have still been following this thread though.

I decided to stay a fan, although it's hard.  Anyway, on Twitter recently, a fan has been sending him many over-the-top tweets through several accounts and he has blocked her.  I made a comment that he is not as perfect as he seems, and she asked me for more information.  So, I sent her the details.  Partly because I think it's better to know the truth early, so it won't hurt so much (she would have found out eventually).  But partly because maybe I wanted to share my pain.  I have not told anyone about this, I feel I cannot discuss it with fans or even tweet him, as I would be labelled a troll.  So I have been seething a long time. She sent him and his girlfriend some angry tweets (through yet another account) I felt a little relief, but also guilty.

Did I do a bad thing?  Is it best to discuss things like that, or not?  I don't like it when fans think someone is perfect and won't accept criticism.  

One lesson I have learned from this is that someone can have a nice persona, but not be so nice in person and we never really know celebrities from interviews etc.

I don't think my COs are perfect, but I wouldn't want anyone to go out of their way to tell me something bad about them. I do frequent certain sites where some of the fans don't always have nice things to say about them, but I ignore the negativity for the most part. They are only human and they can't live up to everything that everyone wants them to be. But I do agree with you that we never really know who they are so it's best not to be too sure of them, otherwise that can definitely lead to disappointment.

Edited by HopelessRomantic2011
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I didn't want to be cruel, I'm not a nasty person.  I was very upset about things I found out (for example, a tweet suggesting rape is OK), as their music has been around for most of my life.  I probably should have said something at the time.  I have bottled this for so long, I needed to tell someone.  As well as things not being great overall.  I don't have anyone I can really talk to.  I don't want to scare people away by being negative, so I keep it in, not good.   I have had CBT before, about my difficult life (bullying, abusive family), but I'm sick of talking about it.  I still feel powerless with no right to speak my mind.

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Welcome back to the board @Bittersweet4 :)

Sorry for taking so long to respond to your posts (it's been a busy week). I'm also really sorry to hear that you found out those things about your CO. I don't think you did the wrong thing by telling the other fan about what you found out because, like you said, it's less painful to know the truth early.

The tweet your CO wrote certainly sounds very unpleasant. I get the impression that a lot of modern technologies/social media really seem to bring out the worst in people, including celebrities. Maybe if the tweet was from a long time ago, he may have educated himself since then and changed his views. If not... well, in that case he's someone who's really not worthy of your affections. I know it must be so hard when you've admired him for such a long time, but you are better than someone like that. :hugs:

I can understand what you're going through, as earlier this week I discovered something about my own CO that both surprised and disappointed me. While what he's been doing isn't exactly wrong, I did think he would be somewhat smarter than this... Oh well, clearly he's not. Though I still feel the same way about him as I did before, I also feel as if he's betrayed me in some way. So over the last few days, I've been using a minor crush on a famous actor as a temporary distraction from the hurt this has caused. Maybe that might be something you could try as well?

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It's been a little quiet around here. How is everyone? I think I'm getting bored with my CO....just kidding! lol I'm still following the tour very closely and I've seen so many great performances and photos of fans meeting the band, so I guess I'm just trying to live vicariously through them right now. The band is now saying that there's a possibility that they may add tour dates in my country, but I have to hold back on the excitement until I see some official dates.

Meanwhile, my other favorite band/ex-CO has officially announced their tour dates for this year and there WILL be a show near me, but I'm not excited about it at all and I don't think I'll be going. I just saw this other band last year anyway and I plan to see them next year too, so I wasn't anxiously waiting to see them this year. But prior to my current CO, this other band was my main obsession for a really long time and people who know me well are shocked that I don't even care that they're doing a show near me. Especially considering that I've flown to see them perform out of state several times and then when they announce a local show, I'm not going? lol I'm just too focused on my desire to see my current CO and that's like the ONLY thing I want right now. I feel like I'm taking my other favorite band for granted just because I know they tour a lot, so it's fairly easy to see them if I want to. But it's not all that surprising that I am a bit burnt out on them now considering that I've seen them live and met them several times. I still love the band though and I know I'll enjoy seeing them next year. I just need a little break! Maybe one day I'll need a break from current CO too, but that's hard to imagine right now. :)

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I'm doing good @HopelessRomantic2011 ... I'm out of town this weekend for the bridal shower of my soon-to-be daughter-in-law. It was fun...all the  young kids (late 20s-early 30s) are playing games at a themed restaurant and I'm not playing games (LOL) sitting here checking the thread instead. Still happy after meeting my CO over a month ago...not sure that glow will ever diminish.:icon12:

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Thank you so much OpalP25 for your reply.  Judging by a few of the tweets my CO has sent and other information I have found out about how he has treated women (hitting on them in a horrible sleazy manner, getting assistants to get rid of his conquests after he's finished with them), he does seem quite disturbed, so I kind of pity him.

I can still enjoy the bands music though, that's a separate thing.  I'm getting over my disappointment slowly, but I feel I need some sort of closure.  I would like to write a note or letter, but of course that's not possible on Twitter.  I have rejoined some Facebook groups, but I don't feel like saying anything as the fans will just defend him. Any suggestions?

I have had a tough week.  I was laid off from a temporary job and have some money problems.  But a few days ago, I tweeted a sports star I used to like a lot.  He replied, so that was a nice boost.

 

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By the way, the tweet (well retweet) he posted was referring to the way animals mate - clinically, sometimes involving males forcing females - and suggesting humans should be like that.  There was also another similar retweet he posted from a girl he follows, whose page is full of illiterate and disgusting tweets.  I was so disappointed he would follow and retweet someone like that.  I am certainly no prude and don't mind a dirty joke, but this stuff was completely immoral and offensive.

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4 hours ago, Bittersweet4 said:

By the way, the tweet (well retweet) he posted was referring to the way animals mate - clinically, sometimes involving males forcing females - and suggesting humans should be like that.  There was also another similar retweet he posted from a girl he follows, whose page is full of illiterate and disgusting tweets.  I was so disappointed he would follow and retweet someone like that.  I am certainly no prude and don't mind a dirty joke, but this stuff was completely immoral and offensive.

Yeah, I agree that rape/forced sex isn't anything to joke about. But people do say stupid stuff sometimes. My ex-CO made a joke about his mother dying (she's still alive) at a fan event and the fans booed him. I just don't think he realized how unfunny that was at the time that he said it and of course he doesn't really want his mother to die.  He probably felt really horrible and embarrassed about that later on. My current CO also makes stupid jokes all the time that some of the fans don't find funny and they complain about how immature he is.  It doesn't bother me though and I'm sure he doesn't mean any harm by it. 

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@Bittersweet4 I feel so bad for you that you had to read those awful things your CO said... In my view, writing a note or letter would be a very good way to get closure, but I agree that posting it on a social media group full of his fans probably wouldn't be the best idea. You could always post it here on this thread if you wanted to, or perhaps PM it to one of us if you don't feel comfortable putting it on a public forum.

Really sorry to hear that you've had such a tough week. :hugs:Things will get better soon, I'm sure. I'm glad that the sports star you liked cheered you up a bit with his reply to you.

@HopelessRomantic2011 Yeah, I think everyone says stupid things from time to time. But celebrities have to be super careful these days because everything they say will be picked up on by people. I remember a particular comment my CO made in an interview a couple of years ago... He didn't mean any harm or offense by it, but he certainly did not choose his words well. It didn't help that the English language press translated it really badly, making it sound like he had said something really insulting. Some fans of the sport actually started disliking him because of that.

I have to say that there's definitely a culture on social media of people looking to find offense in everything (embarrassingly, my own generation are largely to blame for this) and jumping on anyone who says anything slightly controversial. That's not to say that truly horrible and hateful remarks shouldn't be condemned, because they absolutely should, but I do think that sometimes people need to chill a bit!

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@Bittersweet4 If it makes you feel any better, my CO has said and done some very questionable things. He's a womanizer, although he's technically on a break from that right now on account of him being engaged :blush21:

Quote

 I have found out about how he has treated women (hitting on them in a horrible sleazy manner, getting assistants to get rid of his conquests after he's finished with them)

^ Yeah, that sounds familiar. My CO used to basically book women in like appointments. He has a certain "look" he goes for (it's not hard to imagine what the look is) and he'd get his driver or his security guard to pluck women with "the look" out of the audience and...you know where this is going. I know that all sounds like typical "rockstar" behaviour, but I'm leaving some of the seedier details out. I don't think my CO knows (or knew) what exactly constitutes sexual assault. He uses his celebrity status to his advantage. There's something about him preying on young, vulnerable fans that disturbs me greatly. 

And for the record, I wanted to know all about my CO's flaws. I would never have been angry at someone for revealing the truth about him. If I were dating someone, I wouldn't want anyone to hide information like that from me. To me, it's the same thing. I'm sure it's not the same thing for people who have a non-romantic connection to a celebrity they adore though. Some people would rather be ignorant. 

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@posie_riot Yes, I agree with you that it's better to know this sort of information about a CO. I don't feel angry with the page that posted the recent info I saw about my CO. In fact, it's quite a relief to a certain extent that some of the questions I had had for several years about his personal life have been answered, even though they were not the answers I wanted/expected. On the other hand, it has also raised some other uncomfortable questions for me (that I'll probably never get an answer to). But all things considered, I feel it is best to know the truth. Well, as much of the truth as possible.

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@OpalP25 @Bittersweet4  We've talked about Celebrity Worship Syndrome a few times on this thread. I think it's probably pretty likely that some (maybe most) of the angry fans fall under that CWS category. They want to believe that their favourite celebrity is perfect, or as close to perfect as possible. Finding out that the celebrity has some skeletons in the closet ruins the fun. If they can't defend the celebrity against certain facts or accusations, then they have to reject the information altogether. I've always seen my CO as a real person, and while certain facts about him might disappoint me, I have an understanding that he's not a hero or someone to be revered in an almost holy way. For some of my CO's fans, my CO is like their God. To insult him or accuse him of any serious wrongdoing would be considered blasphemy. This is my interpretation, obviously. They would deny it, I'm sure. 

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I don't expect anyone to be perfect.  I actually prefer celebrities who have a few flaws to the squeaky clean ones.  But some things are just too much.  I wasn't upset when I first read fans tales about his womanizing, as I know most musicians go through stages of that.  But seeing those tweets are what really upset me.  He seems to be against normal loving relationships.  I always thought that everyone wants to find the one, be in love, but it seems that's not true.

I think it hurt because it reminded me of when I was younger, when I was laughed at by friends for not wanting to sleep around. I'm not against that, but I was made to feel abnormal and wrong for not wanting to.  I guess it made me feel like that again.

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2 hours ago, Bittersweet4 said:

I think it hurt because it reminded me of when I was younger, when I was laughed at by friends for not wanting to sleep around. I'm not against that, but I was made to feel abnormal and wrong for not wanting to.  I guess it made me feel like that again.

I don't know if you need me to tell you this, since you may already know, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to sleep around! I think sometimes people who do sleep around feel kind of guilty or slightly ashamed of it so they overcompensate by making people who have no interest in behaving that way feel like prudes. Everyone needs to just stop caring about what other people do in that area of their lives (unless there's a cause for concern, which it sounds like there is in your CO's case). 

I can relate to what you're saying here. I consider myself a pretty mature person with a good head on my shoulders, but my CO's womanizing did a number on my self-esteem. I ended up with pretty severe body image issues because of it and this is something I'm still dealing with now. My CO has a type. I'm not his type. It doesn't matter what I tell myself. "But if he met you and saw how great you are and how compatible you are with him, he wouldn't care about that." Yeah, no. "He's not that superficial, and if he IS that superficial then he doesn't deserve you." Yeah, also no. I just can't imagine myself being sexually attractive enough for my CO, which wouldn't be such a problem if that sort of thing didn't seem so overly important to him. 

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24 minutes ago, posie_riot said:

I don't know if you need me to tell you this, since you may already know, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to sleep around! I think sometimes people who do sleep around feel kind of guilty or slightly ashamed of it so they overcompensate by making people who have no interest in behaving that way feel like prudes. Everyone needs to just stop caring about what other people do in that area of their lives (unless there's a cause for concern, which it sounds like there is in your CO's case). 

I can relate to what you're saying here. I consider myself a pretty mature person with a good head on my shoulders, but my CO's womanizing did a number on my self-esteem. I ended up with pretty severe body image issues because of it and this is something I'm still dealing with now. My CO has a type. I'm not his type. It doesn't matter what I tell myself. "But if he met you and saw how great you are and how compatible you are with him, he wouldn't care about that." Yeah, no. "He's not that superficial, and if he IS that superficial then he doesn't deserve you." Yeah, also no. I just can't imagine myself being sexually attractive enough for my CO, which wouldn't be such a problem if that sort of thing didn't seem so overly important to him.

From what I can tell, I'm not my CO's physical type either. Sure that makes me a little bummed, but it's not surprising. It doesn't mean that I'm not attractive, but he's allowed to have his own preferences the same way that I do. He's mentioned a few of his celebrity crushes and the funny thing is that these women would never date him. So I can't have him and he can't have them either! lol

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I did feel hurt because I have not dated or slept with anyone for an embarrassingly long time.  This is mostly to do with bullying about by looks from boys and men in my younger years.  I had a bit of a nose deformity, my nose was very turned up and bulbous and I also had severe acne which left scars on my back and chest.  I did have nose surgery and it looks a bit better, but I have never got over those comments.  I had a boyfriend pre-surgery, who told me his family and friends thought I was ugly.  It hurt a lot because I tried my best to look good, I believe in taking some pride in your appearance.  As a result, I have been scared right off dating and can only feel that way about people from afar.

I think part of my anger towards my CO is due to jealously, as I have never had those opportunities for relationships with men I really wanted.  I was never interested in sleeping around though, I didn't fancy enough people for that and don't find it appealing at all.  As I've said before, I don't expect perfection from my idols.  A lot of people I admire have had alcohol and drug problems and have been to rehab, but I admire them for admitting to having a problem rather than making out they are perfect.  But the relationship thing touches a raw nerve with me, because I don't think I will ever have that.

Edited by Bittersweet4
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@posie_riot you say you don't think you're your CO's type, but you also said he's a womanizer...none of his relationships have lasted. When (not if) he's ready to settle down he will look for a woman with whom he'll be compatible....don't sell yourself short. You may be more attractive to him than you give yourself credit for. 

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18 minutes ago, Bittersweet4 said:

I did feel hurt because I have not dated or slept with anyone for an embarrassingly long time. This is mostly to do with bullying about by looks from boys and men in my younger years.  I had a bit of a nose deformity, my nose was very turned up and bulbous and I also had severe acne which left scars on my back and chest.  I did have nose surgery and it looks a bit better, but I have never got over those comments.  I had a boyfriend pre-surgery, who told me his family and friends thought I was ugly.  It hurt a lot because I tried my best to look good, I believe in taking some pride in your appearance.  As a result, I have been scared right off dating and can only feel that way about people from afar.

I think part of my anger towards my CO is due to jealously, as I have never had those opportunities for relationships with men I really wanted.  I was never interested in sleeping around though, I didn't fancy enough people for that and don't find it appealing at all.  As I've said before, I don't expect perfection from my idols.  A lot of people I admire have had alcohol and drug problems and have been to rehab, but I admire them for admitting to having a problem rather than making out they are perfect.  But the relationship thing touches a raw nerve with me, because I don't think I will ever have that.

I can relate since I've mostly given up on the whole idea of ever finding a relationship. Sure it doesn't hurt to be beautiful, but I see people who aren't conventionally attractive in relationships all the time. In my case, I wouldn't say that my looks are the problem so that must mean that I have numerous personality flaws, none of which I've tried to work on. But I just don't care at this point. I've had two unsuccessful dates so far this year, and I don't feel like I want to even try to date again until after I meet my current CO because that's just all I care about right now and I'm too obsessed with the thought of seeing him to focus on dating. I wouldn't even have anything to talk about on the date because I don't do anything other than obsess over my CO. lol

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I actually did get some more attention from men after the surgery, but I couldn't accept it.  I have made no effort to find a date for years, partly due to be busy with other things.  I think I could probably find someone if I really wanted, but I dread being judged on my looks and I'm scared of the responsibility.  It's so much easier to fantasize.  

I think finding out bad things about my CO was fates way of trying to drag me out of my fantasy world and get me to live in the real world, regarding dating.  But I don't feel ready for that yet.

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15 minutes ago, Bittersweet4 said:

I actually did get some more attention from men after the surgery, but I couldn't accept it.  I have made no effort to find a date for years, partly due to be busy with other things.  I think I could probably find someone if I really wanted, but I dread being judged on my looks and I'm scared of the responsibility.  It's so much easier to fantasize.  

I think finding out bad things about my CO was fates way of trying to drag me out of my fantasy world and get me to live in the real world, regarding dating.  But I don't feel ready for that yet.

Absolutely. Real relationships take work. Fantasizing is much easier! In my case, I've never gotten much out of real life dating situations, so there's nothing for me to miss. Sure I get lonely, but (being an only child) I'm used to that. I'm sure that a partnership with a compatible person would be great, but I've never had that so I'm content with the fantasy life. And of course men in the real world have flaws just like our COs do, so they will disappoint you as well.

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Regarding COs and their flaws...

I thought Steven was practically perfect, but also human. I had him placed on a really high pedestal. Truth is, IMO, his only flaw is not appreciating his fans, namely me. I kept tweeting to him for about a year after we last communicated, like me wishing him a happy birthday, wishing him well with his clothing line... Now that I look back on it, I feel pretty underappreciated. I mean, I guess I was expecting too much from him. In my Ashleigh universe, he's her best friend. I guess I wanted him to become a friend, and I crossed that line between being a simple fan and being a desperate attention seeker. I feel horrible about that. He definitely deserved that apology he got from me.

Now Constantine, on the other hand...he's a bada** rocker/Broadway star who is the nicest gentleman. The only thing he's guilty of, IMO, is getting involved with the wrong woman. He got arrested in late 2015 because his then-girlfriend/baby mama accused him of domestic violence. Charges were later dropped, but she isn't looked at the same way by his fans now. But other than that, he's pretty squeaky clean himself.

I don't know. I guess it depends on what one considers flaws. You can either consider yourself/someone else flawed, or flaw-esome. I prefer flaw-esome people and I prefer it for myself too.

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7 hours ago, fabulousrockstar said:

I don't know. I guess it depends on what one considers flaws. You can either consider yourself/someone else flawed, or flaw-esome. I prefer flaw-esome people and I prefer it for myself too.

I know I repeat this all the time, but since I don't personally know my COs, I have very little insight into what their flaws are, so I can only speculate based on the public persona that I'm allowed to see. I don't think my CO seems any worse than any other man. Is he immature sometimes? Yes, but I wouldn't expect great maturity from someone his age and I'm not the most mature person either, so I have no room to judge. Does he seem a bit arrogant? Yes, but I think he plays it up to be funny and I find his confidence attractive. Obviously the smoking isn't so great and maybe he'll quit someday, but we all sometimes engage in unhealthy behaviors whether it's smoking or something else. Does he date women that I don't approve of? Of course, but I'd be jealous of anyone he dates who isn't me, so he can't win there.

So basically, I know he's not perfect, but he's still pretty perfect. I have no complaints! :)

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@Bittersweet4 I can absolutely relate to the way the hurt you feel over your CO's love life is linked to the hurt you feel over your own. Similarly to you, it's been a long long time since I last slept with or dated anyone (2 and a half years in fact). And although I know I shouldn't, I do sometimes feel pathetic and embarrassed about this, as I'm 21 years old and society says this is the age where people should be having lots of fun in this department. Yet all I have on my "dating CV" so to speak is one extremely unhappy relationship with a guy I was never attracted to... It sounds like you've also had the misfortune of having had a boyfriend who was an utter j*rk. I just wish there weren't so many types like that out there, as they really know how to completely wreck someone's confidence.

I feel now's probably the right time to admit on this thread what it was that upset me recently regarding my CO: I found out he uses Tinder and saw the screenshots to prove it. (I realise to some it may sound a bit odd that I was surprised and disappointed by this, but I promise it's not because I'm prudish and naïve. There were good reasons why I didn't think he'd do this sort of thing, but I won't go into all that here.) As well as this, judging from his Instagram, he really likes bikini models. I've known about that for a while and tried not to let it bother me (although it totally does), but after finding out this new information... It's time for me to admit to myself that I'm just obviously not his type, at least not right now. I'm not someone who sleeps around, nor am I an underwear model. I am shy, nerdy and interested in having a meaningful relationship (i.e. no fun).

@posie_riot I agree with you that people who sleep around a lot probably do feel wrong about what they're doing and that's why they're so eager to say: "This is normal! This is completely normal human behaviour!" While it may be common, I'm not sure I'd personally say it's normal. Well, at least when it gets to the stage of someone viewing other people only as sex objects, it's not normal.

I'm guessing your CO's type is probably similar to the type my CO seems to have - bleach blonde hair, size zero, plastic t!ts, etc. Ugh, men can be so superficial sometimes... Although I think I have a decent figure and can look nice when I make enough of an effort, I'm just nothing like those Instagram girls. I'm very nerdy and innocent looking. So my CO would be highly unlikely to look twice at me (maybe I shouldn't even feel bad about that)

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Hi gang,

 

Long time no see.  Well, life certainly can throw a monkey wrench at you. In January my mom died unexpectedly.  At least I got to see her before she passed.  

My mom was the only person I could talk to about Reina. Now I don't have that anymore. Of course, there was a lot more to my relationship with my mom than talking about Reina but it still leaves an empty void concerning her.  Reina takes a lot of my time up and I feel a need to talk about her, so here I am.

As for  Reina. March 22 was my year anniversary since I found her. Nothing much changed. I still feel the same about her. She still gives me an incredible high everytime I look at her. 

Reina did change her look though. She had long hair, now she has it in a bob. I didn't care for that much at first, but it's grown on me. Now I think it looks awesome.  Here she is with her new look.

[image removed]

Now 1 thing did stress me out.  Someone on Instagram said Reina was dating someone.  I don't know if it's true or not, I couldn't find any information to confirm or deny this rumor.  All the so called proof they had was a low quality picture of a couple people in a car. The picture looked fake. Something wasn't right about it. It looked Photoshopped.  However, when I read that post, it ruined my day. I felt rotten . At least this  passed and I felt normal again the next day. I went back to enjoying her.

I thought I found some competition for Reina.  I found someone else who I thought looked incredible. The feeling I had for her was different though. I never felt the spiritual connection I felt for Reina.  So in a short period of time my feelings for her faded. With Reina,  my feelings will never fade. I'm stuck loving her forever.. Good, bad or indifferent. That's just they way it is. Reina is my sunshine. 

 

 

Edited by 20YearsandCounting
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