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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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39 minutes ago, Winny said:

Oh wow..pretty much everything you just described is what i am expeiencing .i feel sick..i know it not healthy but it wont stop..i cant stop comparing myself to this young perfect model ive just found out he's dating..the thing is,I know how trivial it all sounds when i say it/write it..but it hurts unbearably at times..i feel hopeless like ill never be her so whats the point..sorry im just going off on one..glad your feeling a bit better..i also a million percent relate to not being able to even look at a picture of them..(him) but its like he's unavoidable..i dont want to spend the rest of my life scared to open a magazine in case i see his (breathtaking) face..oh im 27 and i feel 13 when i think about him..my heart races like nothing else can do to me!..its ridiculous..i felt phyically naughtous when i saw pics of him with his new gf..like a real heart break..

Oh Winny Honey I understand that so much....I'm much, much older than 27, and I feel like I'm 12 when I think of mine.  In fact, my therapist told me in one of our first sessions that my emotional development is stunted right at about 12 years old where my CO is concerned.  (Nice, huh?)  I hope you can avoid pictures of your CO with anyone else, and you should definitely try to do so.  Do not compare yourself to this person he's dating.  Here's what you probably don't know and can't see from just a picture of her:  she's probably superficial, narcissistic, and self-absorbed.  No matter what a person looks like in their early 20's, those looks will fade when you get to my age....but an unpleasant personality is forever.  No one wants that.  Keep that in mind, and keep your chin up. ?

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5 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

Oh Winny Honey I understand that so much....I'm much, much older than 27, and I feel like I'm 12 when I think of mine.  In fact, my therapist told me in one of our first sessions that my emotional development is stunted right at about 12 years old where my CO is concerned.  (Nice, huh?)  I hope you can avoid pictures of your CO with anyone else, and you should definitely try to do so.  Do not compare yourself to this person he's dating.  Here's what you probably don't know and can't see from just a picture of her:  she's probably superficial, narcissistic, and self-absorbed.  No matter what a person looks like in their early 20's, those looks will fade when you get to my age....but an unpleasant personality is forever.  No one wants that.  Keep that in mind, and keep your chin up. ?

Wow.your therapist said that? So insensitive ..i feel like its hard because its a subject that has not been explored enough yet maybe?..the human brain is s complex thing i just wish mine didnt make me feel so inferior most of the time.yes you are so right about avoiding pictures of him ect..although he seems to be everywhere atm..i feel like i wish i  had been born into another life sometimes..as sad as that sounds..your words have been so helpful..thank you 

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50 minutes ago, Winny said:

Wow.your therapist said that? So insensitive ..i feel like its hard because its a subject that has not been explored enough yet maybe?..the human brain is s complex thing i just wish mine didnt make me feel so inferior most of the time.yes you are so right about avoiding pictures of him ect..although he seems to be everywhere atm..i feel like i wish i  had been born into another life sometimes..as sad as that sounds..your words have been so helpful..thank you 

No, it wasn't insensitive in context.  I accepted it as truth.  There's a lot more to that story that I haven't said in that post (sorry!)  I was emotionally abused as a child, witnessed physical abuse, used my CO and alter-ego's fantasy as escapism into an alternate reality away from all that.  I was 11-12 years old when all this began. It made sense to me that my emotions (where he's concerned) didn't develop far.  

Edited by Audrey822
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3 hours ago, Winny said:

Oh wow..pretty much everything you just described is what i am expeiencing .i feel sick..i know it not healthy but it wont stop..i cant stop comparing myself to this young perfect model ive just found out he's dating..the thing is,I know how trivial it all sounds when i say it/write it..but it hurts unbearably at times..i feel hopeless like ill never be her so whats the point..sorry im just going off on one..glad your feeling a bit better..i also a million percent relate to not being able to even look at a picture of them..(him) but its like he's unavoidable..i dont want to spend the rest of my life scared to open a magazine in case i see his (breathtaking) face..oh im 27 and i feel 13 when i think about him..my heart races like nothing else can do to me!..its ridiculous..i felt phyically naughtous when i saw pics of him with his new gf..like a real heart break..

My CO's Lovely (with a capital 'L') fiancée is the bane of my existence. So needless to say, I can relate. I'm constantly comparing myself to her unfavourably, although this is one of the things I've managed to get somewhat under control. That said, I know I'm only one set of paparazzi photos, a social media post, or a news article away from being right back at square one. That's why I have to be super careful to avoid him (and her). 

Heart racing, feeling physically sick...I can certainly relate to that :(  It's terrible. I'm pretty sure my CO has taken years off of my life with this relationship he's in. What you're going through isn't trivial. It's perfectly natural for you to feel heartbroken. In fact, accepting that it was perfectly natural for me to feel sad and heartbroken played a huge role in getting me to a better place, mentally. Don't tell yourself that there's anything trivial, unhealthy, or immature about the way you feel. It seems like taking that tough-it-out, self-punishment approach would help, but in my experience, it really doesn't. Telling myself that I was acting insane and that I needed to "get it together" proved to be a toxic approach for me. My advice is to have some compassion for yourself. Let yourself be upset. That seems counter-intuitive, but it's better than beating yourself up. You can't fight against something that's breaking your heart. 

As far as comparing yourself to your CO's girlfriend goes...keep in mind that you're not seeing what she's really like behind closed doors. Looks will only take you so far. She has flaws like everyone else, and maybe your CO will find out someday that this "young, perfect model" is not actually compatible with him. Compatibility is everything - it's extremely important when it comes to serious relationships. 

Edited by posie_riot
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@perfectcircle77  *hugs*  I'm really sorry. This is the hardest thing for people like us to go through. I hope that those fans have no idea what they're talking about. 

@Audrey822 you said it perfectly: "[...]fans without a romantic interest in the celebrity themselves (like us)  want to ingratiate themselves with the celebrity by rooting for them in their relationships."  This happens in every fanbase. It's an obsession in itself. I personally don't understand it, but it's extremely common. I'm just going to say it flat out...these people need to shut up. 

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13 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

No, it wasn't insensitive in context.  I accepted it as truth.  There's a lot more to that story that I haven't said in that post (sorry!)  I was emotionally abused as a child, witnessed physical abuse, used my CO and alter-ego's fantasy as escapism into an alternate reality away from all that.  I was 11-12 years old when all this began. It made sense to me that my emotions (where he's concerned) didn't develop far.  

Its awful how much our childhoods can affect us isnt it..its good that you know the reasons why you do it (escape) I think thats s big part of the battle.making sense if what your brain is doing.continuously going back to that 'happy place' trouble is (with me) when reality hits i fall apart.thanks for taking the time to reply ..helps..? 

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21 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling this bad.  I feel similar when I compare myself to his talent, success, looks and general lovability compared to mine.  I think one reason people get preoccupied with celebrities is that we admire them, but it can backfire when we compare them to ourselves and make us feel like a worm.  But I strongly do believe that every person is equally deserving of love and respect (except people who victimize others perhaps).  I think part of the reason we admire someone is that their talents resonate with our own latent talents. Try building yourself up, working on your own self-esteem.

Thank you..Ive always had low self esteem no matter what any one says it seems to be etched into my brain 'not good enough' I will try but i find it hard..Im 27 and i wish i had more to show for my life.thanks for replying ?  

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11 hours ago, posie_riot said:

My CO's Lovely (with a capital 'L') fiancée is the bane of my existence. So needless to say, I can relate. I'm constantly comparing myself to her unfavourably, although this is one of the things I've managed to get somewhat under control. That said, I know I'm only one set of paparazzi photos, a social media post, or a news article away from being right back at square one. That's why I have to be super careful to avoid him (and her). 

Heart racing, feeling physically sick...I can certainly relate to that :(  It's terrible. I'm pretty sure my CO has taken years off of my life with this relationship he's in. What you're going through isn't trivial. It's perfectly natural for you to feel heartbroken. In fact, accepting that it was perfectly natural for me to feel sad and heartbroken played a huge role in getting me to a better place, mentally. Don't tell yourself that there's anything trivial, unhealthy, or immature about the way you feel. It seems like taking that tough-it-out, self-punishment approach would help, but in my experience, it really doesn't. Telling myself that I was acting insane and that I needed to "get it together" proved to be a toxic approach for me. My advice is to have some compassion for yourself. Let yourself be upset. That seems counter-intuitive, but it's better than beating yourself up. You can't fight against something that's breaking your heart. 

As far as comparing yourself to your CO's girlfriend goes...keep in mind that you're not seeing what she's really like behind closed doors. Looks will only take you so far. She has flaws like everyone else, and maybe your CO will find out someday that this "young, perfect model" is not actually compatible with him. Compatibility is everything - it's extremely important when it comes to serious relationships. 

Thank you for taking that time to say these helpful things :) I think your right..what good does beating yourself up do..Its something i seem to just do..maybe subcontiously..my brain dosnt seem to think logicly atm..i think depression can do that..I just want it to go away..Ive given up on my life because i feel it will never live up to the fantasy..its hard to see a happy ending for me right now..thank you again for replying..sorry to be a debbie downer  

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On 14/09/2016 at 3:20 AM, fabulousrockstar said:

Time for me to chime in on these hot topics.

I already shared my maladaptive daydreaming story a while back. It started at 13, due to bullying and physical child abuse. I was lonely and not receiving love or friendship from anyone...which is, sadly, still true today.

I feel my MD has negatively affected my life. I do it all the time, even in public. It's taken over my daily life. I have days when I don't do anything but stay in bed and daydream all day long...well, daydream and try to work on my writing. My living skills suck. I don't clean my place, I don't take care of myself. Just eff everything and leave me alone to daydream my life away.

I feel so alone these days and I'm struggling even more so these past few weeks. I'm lonely, depressed, bored, unmotivated, and sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm taking my meds, so why do I feel this way? My COs bring me joy, but even that's not enough to get me through the day.

As for feeling mediocre, I also believe I was meant for something better than what I am. I had many dreams as a kid, but once I got diagnosed at 15, all that changed. Now all I want to do is survive the day, even though I no longer have any good reason to live. I hate myself so much, it's not funny. I'm fat, I'm ugly (This is coming from a plus size pageant queen!), I feel it's too late to accomplish anything major in my life, like go back to school and fail miserably.

Steven was supposed to be my ticket to fabulousity. All I wanted was to meet him and thank him for being such an inspiration in my life. I wanted his "kiss my ass" attitude towards life, his positive attitude and his charismatic personality. Though a part of me hopes it's not too late to repair and reclaim what we had, another part of me has settled in to the brutal reality that he MIGHT possibly hate me and want nothing to do with me.

I feel I'm destined to be this miserable, near 400 pound, ugly pile of hopeless woman for the rest of my life and I can't escape this hell known as my mind. My inner critic has a megaphone and is constantly screaming at me for being too fat, being unaccomplished, being atheist, rehashing all of my embarrassing moments, and the list goes on and on, every single day. That's why I escape into my Ashleigh universe all the time. It's my only salvation. I honestly don't know how else to deal with life.

If you read this whole post, thanks for sticking with me through it. I guess I just needed to let off some steam. I'm just frustrated, that's all.

Hi i know this is an old post.i just wonder if your feeling better now? Im in the same place right now..hell

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Hi again! 

It's nice to read this thread and hear people's struggles and stories. I'm back again, once more being a 'crush-prone' type of person.

I have a lot of frequent "shame" feelings because even though I've been in a solid marriage for 20 years, I'm still so subject to extra-marital crushes. My husband is a good man- he works hard, he's a good dad, he loves me, he's committed to me- but after all these years, he doesn't "excite" me romantically (that typical feeling of wanting 'butterflies and Prince Charming.') Sometimes we are on such different wavelengths. 

My crush problems- well, sometimes they are on everyday men- which is more painful. I've never had an actual affair, only in my daydreams. The worst one was from 3-4 years ago; a man I'd briefly corresponded with online. I've put it behind me and have had a year or so of better, happier, crush-free times, until the last month or so.

Normally, any minor crushes I have on celebrity men are fun. They aren't obsessive CO's like so many of you have described.

However, right now I am in EXTREME, INCREASING DANGER of developing CO! There's a movie I'm VERY excited about seeing soon, and I'd like to enjoy it without having my slight crushes on 2 of the actors in it become too intense or obsessive. These two actors are just SO adorable in their interviews, appearances, and Twitter links! :icon12:

I recently found out that one of them is gay, and that made me feel a LOT better because I can keep my fangirling about him 'fun.' There's no worry about some beautiful wife, so no jealousy there! Does anyone else feel relieved when a celebrity crush is gay, with a preference for the gender opposite of yours? I felt the same relief for George Michael (RIP) when I was 16. (I was a Wham! fan.) Maybe the reason is that when I was young, gay guys were friendlier to me (a plain, bookworm nerd girl) than straight guys were. (Odd thing is that I'm a born-again Christian but I am not homophobic)

So now, ANOTHER co-star is starting to tug at my heart, and he IS married to a non-famous but pretty wife, with children. He's a comedian, is adorkable, and plays an equally adorkable character who is going to have some sweet lines in this movie from what I've read and seen! :icon12:

My other potential CO (it might have already crossed that line!) is a Christian singer who has the most beautiful voice and song lyrics. I've been so moved by his songs about God, faith, forgiving yourself, and overcoming depression. This singer suffered from losing his first relationship, dealing with depression- but he remarried this model-type girl whose photos are all over his social media. He is adorably cute in a dorky, nerdy way, which I also love about him. He is from MY state, too. They have this perfectly charmed life, and a glorious happily ever after. It shouldn't irk me that he chose this type of woman, but it does. :sniffle1:

One of his songs, my favorite one, I can't listen to anymore. Instead of the song uplifting me, his beautiful voice in my ear just makes me jealous of his wife (of course!) If I'd only listened to this artist's songs and appreciated them instead of looking him up on Facebook and finding photos of his model-chick looking wife and little kids! This singer is also too young for me to have a crush on him- he's in his early 30's! Now, whenever I listen to Christian music, I try to listen to ones with FEMALE artists because the male singers (why are they always gorgeous?) make my heart go to a place it shouldn't go. And no, my husband can't sing. He's a good handyman and fixing type, but I've always had a passion for men who SING. 

I'm liable to board "Crazy Train" again, but I sincerely hope I don't! 

 

Edited by imalittleteapot
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@imalittleteapot, I can relate to some of the things you said. First of all, don't feel like anyone who is a legal adult is too young for you to have a crush on. Men are constantly lusting after women DECADES younger than they are, and they never feel bad about it at all so neither should you! 

Also, regarding having a gay CO, yeah it's nice to not have to see them with women, but I'll still be jealous of their boyfriends too if I find out about them. Apparently my CO recently made a comment that he finds a certain female singer attractive and I didn't particularly like hearing that (since I look nothing like her), so the smallest of things can set off my jealousy. ? 

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@imalittleteapot I have similar feelings to you regarding having a gay CO. There have been several stories and rumours over the years about my CO's love life/sexual orientation and to be honest, I really don't know what to believe... But for some reason, I find the thought of my CO being gay less painful than the thought of him being with any woman other than myself. Not entirely sure why this is... I know it's partly a case of feeling like I would have missed out on my chance with him, if he ended up with a serious girlfriend/wife. If I found out he was gay, I wouldn't have that same feeling of "missing out" because obviously there would never have been any chance for me to start with, if that makes sense. However (and it depresses me a bit to admit this) I think I also feel this way because I know I'd endlessly compare myself with a female partner of his in a way that I couldn't with a male one.

I don't think your crushes have gone over into dangerous territory quite yet. In fact, it's probably quite a good thing that you have more than one, as you're less likely to form any kind of intense emotional attraction to any of them while they're all competing for your affections, so to speak. And if one of them is causing you pain, you can just turn your attention to one of the others. Overall, I think it's very normal to seek some kind of alternative romance when you're not finding enough in your own relationship (and having a CO is definitely a million times better than having an actual affair). We all need some kind of emotional and romantic fulfillment in our lives. :)

Edited by OpalP25
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@imalittleteapot nice to see you back, but I'm sorry to hear that it sounds like you're struggling with this.  I remember how much you never wanted this because of your strong faith, and the fact that you have such a good marriage (I envy you.)  I hope you get what you want out of our support here.

On the subject of discovering that my CO might have been gay (he's not) I would have been just as devastated.  I was living in my own little bubble ... only God knows why.  The real man that he is was missing for decades, I only had my fantasies of him to go on and -- so help me, I think I came to believe that just a little too much.  Learning anything about his personal life outside of my head would have been a shock...and the idea of him begin gay would have meant he would never be attracted to me.  Not then, not now, not ever.  That would have been much, much worse than the Information I learned that day:

 

that he had been married twice in the far away past, and is now divorced from both of those other women.

As it is now, I still have hope that he might find me attractive.  Maybe he did when he met me a few weeks ago. :icon12: Who knows?  

Oh, I want to add on edit....I agree with you @HopelessRomantic2011...if it's acceptable for men to find much younger women attractive (and they do, all the time!) it's time to end the double standard....women find younger men attractive, too...why shouldn't we be able to admit it? ? ....I've already admitted it. It's in this thread somewhere.  We'll revisit the subject when baseball season starts up again....very soon. :cheesy:

Edited by Audrey822
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On 3/11/2017 at 6:08 PM, Audrey822 said:

@imalittleteapot

Oh, I want to add on edit....I agree with you @HopelessRomantic2011...if it's acceptable for men to find much younger women attractive (and they do, all the time!) it's time to end the double standard....women find younger men attractive, too...why shouldn't we be able to admit it? ? ....I've already admitted it. It's in this thread somewhere.  We'll revisit the subject when baseball season starts up again....very soon. :cheesy:

Thank you for the encouragement, and I can so relate about younger guys- thank goodness people cannot read my mind. I find our church pastor's late-20's son attractive. I was at a choir concert where the choir members were college age kids, and I found quite a few of the young men attractive. I kept screaming at myself "THEY...ARE...KIDS! You could have given BIRTH to ANY OF THEM!" 

I actually find very few men my own age (47) attractive. :( It makes me feel so guilty- so shallow and youth-focused and feeling depressed about my own aging. I missed a period this year and it sucks, because that's the beginning of the end, even though I had all the kids I wanted to have. :( People tell me I look more like I'm 35 than mid-40's, just good skin I guess. My husband looks pretty decent for his age, he's in shape and plays all kinds of sports. He's aging more visibly than I am hair-wise, but I don't mind his graying hair. Someone at a restaurant once thought I was his daughter instead of his wife! 

I wonder if I'm obsessing too much about age? Realizing that certain seasons in my life are long-gone and I will never again experience? The falling-in-love, brand-new romance, wedding, babies, raising little kids parts of my life? I know that's likely a source of the mild-to-moderate depression I've been suffering for the last 5 years. It seemed like it started when I was 41 or 42. Before that, I was extramarital-crush-free, happy with life and my marriage in general. I wish I knew what happened. :( 

And @Audrey822I bet your CO did find you attractive, because the conversation and meeting was positive and happy, so I'm sure he sensed your sincerity and liking, and liked you back as well! I'd love to know how you managed to not be stuttering or mute or awkward! I know I would be, even if I met one of those guys and they weren't at CO-Level!

Edited by imalittleteapot
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@imalittleteapot I think it's pretty normal to obsess about age...we live in a society that puts so much value on youth, it's only natural we feel a little depressed when we see signs of aging. I understand how sad it can be when you realize you'll never be able to do a certain thing again (especially if, like me, you didn't get to experience it in the first place.) 

Normally, I don't find men my age attractive. My CO, who is several years older than me, is a rare exception.  I laughed at your comment, that you could have given birth to some of the guys you find attractive. -- *raises hand* guilty, and I refuse to apologize!! Come on, men ogle girls who are young enough to be their daughters all the time!! I'm not going to date those guys, but I don't see any harm in looking!! ?

Thank you for what you said about my meeting with my CO...that was such a magical evening!! ✨I'm still in disbelief over it!!  I think I spent all my anxiety in the days leading up to the concert! When it came time to meet him, I was just focused and determined. Talking to him was much easier than I ever imagined. :icon12:

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12 hours ago, imalittleteapot said:

Thank you for the encouragement, and I can so relate about younger guys- thank goodness people cannot read my mind. I find our church pastor's late-20's son attractive. I was at a choir concert where the choir members were college age kids, and I found quite a few of the young men attractive. I kept screaming at myself "THEY...ARE...KIDS! You could have given BIRTH to ANY OF THEM!" 

I actually find very few men my own age (47) attractive. :( It makes me feel so guilty- so shallow and youth-focused and feeling depressed about my own aging. I missed a period this year and it sucks, because that's the beginning of the end, even though I had all the kids I wanted to have. :( People tell me I look more like I'm 35 than mid-40's, just good skin I guess. My husband looks pretty decent for his age, he's in shape and plays all kinds of sports. He's aging more visibly than I am hair-wise, but I don't mind his graying hair. Someone at a restaurant once thought I was his daughter instead of his wife! 

I wonder if I'm obsessing too much about age? Realizing that certain seasons in my life are long-gone and I will never again experience? The falling-in-love, brand-new romance, wedding, babies, raising little kids parts of my life? I know that's likely a source of the mild-to-moderate depression I've been suffering for the last 5 years. It seemed like it started when I was 41 or 42. Before that, I was extramarital-crush-free, happy with life and my marriage in general. I wish I knew what happened. :( 

And @Audrey822I bet your CO did find you attractive, because the conversation and meeting was positive and happy, so I'm sure he sensed your sincerity and liking, and liked you back as well! I'd love to know how you managed to not be stuttering or mute or awkward! I know I would be, even if I met one of those guys and they weren't at CO-Level!

I've always liked younger guys even when I was in my 20s, so even when I WAS young, I never really felt young. I felt "old" at 25 and I still feel old at 35 even though I know that's still relatively young. I think a lot of women struggle with the aging process since there's so much focus on youth and beauty when it comes to women, yet men supposedly age like a fine alcohol (except a lot of them don't!)  My CO is 8 years younger than me (oooh, so scandalous! I'm a cradle robber! lol), but really I think I look younger than he does because of his beard, constant smoking, and rockstar lifestyle. We'll find out for sure when I finally get a photo with him which will hopefully be this year! *fingers crossed* :)

Edited: I originally wrote "fine w****" but it got censored for some reason. I guess that's a bad word here? I just wanted you all to know that I didn't think the term was "fine alcohol." lol

Edited by HopelessRomantic2011
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@HopelessRomantic2011 yep, all drug and alcohol words are censored because they might trigger someone with a substance abuse problem. But I have to put all my triggers under hidden text. I'm not automatically protected from triggers here. ?

Quote

I think a lot of women struggle with the aging process since there's so much focus on youth and beauty when it comes to women, yet men supposedly age like a fine w!ne (except a lot of them don't!) 

FIFY ....and when Carrie Fisher passed away at the end of 2016, I had this in my sig line for awhile: 

"Men don't age better than women, they're just allowed to age." -- Carrie Fisher (RIP) 

⬆️ True dat ?

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Little update on me. So I spent the weekend busy and trying to forget about what I saw in those comments and it mostly worked. It still popped into my head from time to time but I'm doing ok in pushing it away. The whole thing still upsets me if I think about too long, not necessarily that he is with someone now, more that he ever would be. I agree with what some of you said about fans wanting them to be happy and settled and I know some of those fans would be a lot less calm if it was their favourite so I think there's definitely some projecting. Me? I kind of want him to be happy but single, tbh. That's all I can deal with right now.

In other not-at-all-traumatic-but-upsetting-to-me-in-a-silly-way news: the wristband I got when I met my CO, which has been on my wrist for 9 and a bit weeks has come off. I have been mocked by just about everyone I know for keeping it on as if I'm some teenager at her first festival. But it became my reminder of that amazing night, an odd comfort when I felt upset or lonely. There's probably something symbolic in the timing but in reality, it's been 9 weeks of wearing a paper wristband, it's more miraculous that it didn't fall off already. 

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31 minutes ago, perfectcircle77 said:

Little update on me. So I spent the weekend busy and trying to forget about what I saw in those comments and it mostly worked. It still popped into my head from time to time but I'm doing ok in pushing it away. The whole thing still upsets me if I think about too long, not necessarily that he is with someone now, more that he ever would be. I agree with what some of you said about fans wanting them to be happy and settled and I know some of those fans would be a lot less calm if it was their favourite so I think there's definitely some projecting. Me? I kind of want him to be happy but single, tbh. That's all I can deal with right now.

In other not-at-all-traumatic-but-upsetting-to-me-in-a-silly-way news: the wristband I got when I met my CO, which has been on my wrist for 9 and a bit weeks has come off. I have been mocked by just about everyone I know for keeping it on as if I'm some teenager at her first festival. But it became my reminder of that amazing night, an odd comfort when I felt upset or lonely. There's probably something symbolic in the timing but in reality, it's been 9 weeks of wearing a paper wristband, it's more miraculous that it didn't fall off already. 

'is with someone now, more that he ever would be.'..this exactly..there is so heartbreak we go through every day due to the scenarios we play our in our minds..  

Edited by Winny
Wrong spelling
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@perfectcircle77 I know that feeling exactly as you described it..."it mostly worked...doing ok....still upsets if I think about it too long." Unfortunately, once you see something like that, you can't unsee it....all you can do is try to analyze it logically (or let others do that for you.)  Looking over exactly what you said about this again:

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They are just photos and mostly seem to be run by teens and slightly older so are safe. One always posts a question a day and so I clicked on today's just to see what it was - it was about who would be next to have a kid between my CO and two others on the show. Of the 9 comments, 6 different people mentioned .....

This is only 6 people....6!!  And all they're doing is speculating on a silly question posed by another person in the group....a group of teens and slightly older people. I know it's easier for me to say this (if our situations were reversed, I get it) but your CO hasn't said anything about this; these are just fans with nothing better to do than speculate about a question-of-the-day.  It doesn't look like there's much there to go on to me.  

About the wristband....I know it makes you sad, but there's nothing symbolic in that it fell off right now.  I think it's sweet that you kept it on this long. ? I have a similar thing I've been doing.  I mentioned my CO signed an autograph for me....that pen has a clip on it, and I've kept it attached to everything I've worn since that night. :icon12:   No one's asked about it yet.  I have a feeling everyone who knows I went to the concert knows the significance of it...everyone else thinks it's just a pen. 

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@perfectcircle77 Yeah, I'm the same as you regarding my CO's private life. Of course I really want him to be happy, but I prefer that he stays single. A few fans on social media have made several comments along the lines of "It's sad that he doesn't have a girlfriend, I hope he finds someone soon". Reading things like that makes me feel like I'm selfish and immature for not feeling the same way as they do (and for feeling the exact opposite way). Though when I think about it, what they're saying really isn't as nice as they think it sounds. Why is it "sad" that he doesn't have a girlfriend? As a single person myself, I hate it when people feel sorry for me that I don't have a boyfriend. It doesn't make me feel better, it just makes me feel even worse about myself than I already do. For what it's worth, I don't think having a relationship is a priority for my CO at the moment, hence why he isn't in one (as far as I'm aware). Rant about singledom over, lol!

But I really don't believe it's any "better" or "more acceptable" to be so obsessed with a famous person that you're actively hoping for them to find a partner than to do what we do. Those types of fans do seem to be a lot more socially accepted though... They can speculate as much as they want without people thinking they're sad and pathetic.

Sorry about your wristband. :( I don't think it's silly at all that you're upset about it. I do similar things myself - I have a box full of things like tickets, leaflets, etc. from holidays and trips out, and I'd be really sad if I lost them. They're just pieces of paper but they're memories to me.

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5 hours ago, perfectcircle77 said:

Little update on me. So I spent the weekend busy and trying to forget about what I saw in those comments and it mostly worked. It still popped into my head from time to time but I'm doing ok in pushing it away. The whole thing still upsets me if I think about too long, not necessarily that he is with someone now, more that he ever would be. I agree with what some of you said about fans wanting them to be happy and settled and I know some of those fans would be a lot less calm if it was their favourite so I think there's definitely some projecting. Me? I kind of want him to be happy but single, tbh. That's all I can deal with right now.

In other not-at-all-traumatic-but-upsetting-to-me-in-a-silly-way news: the wristband I got when I met my CO, which has been on my wrist for 9 and a bit weeks has come off. I have been mocked by just about everyone I know for keeping it on as if I'm some teenager at her first festival. But it became my reminder of that amazing night, an odd comfort when I felt upset or lonely. There's probably something symbolic in the timing but in reality, it's been 9 weeks of wearing a paper wristband, it's more miraculous that it didn't fall off already. 

I can relate to how you feel, especially: "not necessarily that he is with someone now, more that he ever would be." I've definitely been there. Even now, I worry that my CO will break up with his current fiancée only to wind up in another relationship that will drive me just as crazy. I want my CO to be single forever, unless by the grace of God he ends up with me. Is that too much to ask? How else are we realistically supposed to feel about someone we're in love with? 

I really like that you kept that wristband on for as long as possible, and I completely understand the meaning behind it and why it comforts you. I hoard things for sentimental reasons all the time, so keeping a wristband on your wrist until it falls off seems natural to me. Don't pay attention to the timing of when it started coming off though. It was a paper wristband, so that was an inevitability! 

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15 minutes ago, OpalP25 said:

@perfectcircle77 Yeah, I'm the same as you regarding my CO's private life. Of course I really want him to be happy, but I prefer that he stays single. A few fans on social media have made several comments along the lines of "It's sad that he doesn't have a girlfriend, I hope he finds someone soon". Reading things like that makes me feel like I'm selfish and immature for not feeling the same way as they do (and for feeling the exact opposite way). Though when I think about it, what they're saying really isn't as nice as they think it sounds. Why is it "sad" that he doesn't have a girlfriend? As a single person myself, I hate it when people feel sorry for me that I don't have a boyfriend. It doesn't make me feel better, it just makes me feel even worse about myself than I already do. For what it's worth, I don't think having a relationship is a priority for my CO at the moment, hence why he isn't in one (as far as I'm aware). Rant about singledom over, lol!

But I really don't believe it's any "better" or "more acceptable" to be so obsessed with a famous person that you're actively hoping for them to find a partner than to do what we do. Those types of fans do seem to be a lot more socially accepted though... They can speculate as much as they want without people thinking they're sad and pathetic.

Sorry about your wristband. :( I don't think it's silly at all that you're upset about it. I do similar things myself - I have a box full of things like tickets, leaflets, etc. from holidays and trips out, and I'd be really sad if I lost them. They're just pieces of paper but they're memories to me.

That's a really interesting perspective on the whole "It's sad that he doesn't have a girlfriend" thing. You're right, that's actually not a particularly nice thing to say. By the way, these people who are wishing "happiness" on their favourite celebrities are pretty much doing it for selfish reasons. They want their favourite celebrity to date someone because it makes the celebrity that much more interesting. It gives them something new to talk about. It's not with true love deep inside their hearts that they say things like: "When's this guy gonna get a girlfriend?!" They're probably just bored of seeing him single and want him to have a more "exciting" life. I bet it's with good reason that being in a relationship is not a priority for your CO right now, but do those other fans care about that or respect that? No, of course not. They're the ones who are acting immature about this. They shouldn't care one way or another if he's seeing someone. They're acting like his aunties who won't shut up during Christmas dinner. You're just feeling the way anyone who's in love would feel. 

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14 minutes ago, OpalP25 said:

 Reading things like that makes me feel like I'm selfish and immature for not feeling the same way as they do (and for feeling the exact opposite way). 

 

@OpalP25 Let me tell you why I don't think it's selfish, and why you differ from those other fans.  They're just fans.  They don't feel the same way about him that you do.  You can have any other type of relationship with someone:  parent, child, sibling, friend, fan, co-worker, etc....and in any of those situations it's perfectly understandable that you may be OK wishing for the person to be happy in their relationship and wanting the best for them.  In none of those situations above do you have any hope of being the only romantic interest in that person's life.  But when you do or did, it's different.  Why wouldn't you be selfish when you want to be the only one?  And why wouldn't you be jealous when you feel that someone is "taking your place"?  Why are you obligated to "feel happy" for either of them in that situation?  Why are you obligated to wish them the best?  When an ex is getting re-married, does the one who was left behind go out of his or her way to wish the new relationship well? (They may say so, but in a private moment, I'll bet they're saying quite different things....LOL!!)  Are they overly concerned with feeling selfish if they don't?  I don't think so.  Don't worry about being selfish.  It's normal to be selfish when you want to be the only one in his life.  

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But I really don't believe it's any "better" or "more acceptable" to be so obsessed with a famous person that you're actively hoping for them to find a partner than to do what we do. Those types of fans do seem to be a lot more socially accepted though... They can speculate as much as they want without people thinking they're sad and pathetic.

To me, what you're describing here is classic celebrity worship syndrome.  I would argue that what I feel is better because I'm not just chasing a lifestyle.  I have genuine feelings for a person. But they'd say I'm the crazy one. Go figure. ? 

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Can't find the quote but someone said that being obsessed with a celebrity's relationships is seen as more acceptable than wanting him or her to be single so we can dream of being with him/her. Not sure that's always true. Look at how people react to celebrity breakups -  I've seen enough comments about along the lines "good news girls! Ryan Gosling is on the market again!" or whoever it is. Sure it's mostly just joking but there's poorly hidden genuine feelings beneath the joking. The media is just as obsessed with breakups as it is with new potential relationships and it does not do much to hide its glee and pretend to be sympathetic. Look at how nuts the media went when Brangelina broke up.

There's another factor involved here too: envy. We all, as humans, love to envy others becauses its easier to mutter in a sea of delicious bitterness about how much Wayne Rooney earns for kicking a ball about while we have to slave away at a desk all day than it is to admit that, on a global scale, it is us who are the lucky ones. So when it turns out that the lives of the superstars is not perfect even if it takes the breakup of  long term marriage with children(!) people love it!

Anyway, that may be an aside but it has a point - that a few comments about wishing a celebrity finds love does not change the fact that the world at large generally makes very little pretence that it genuinely wants the best for its celebrity heroes. We, who are in love with a celebrity and want them to be happy.... with us... are certainly very far from being the worst.

In either case you should never be ashamed of feelings you can't help.

Besides fans obsessing over a celebrity's love life and analysing every photo are the ones invading their privacy. If I was a celebrity I'd be more p***** off that I couldn't hang out with a female friend in public or let my relationship develop at its own rate without 1000 fans constantly going on about whether we are dating and how serious it is. Seems like much more invasive than some lonely woman dreaming that she's in a relationship with me.

 

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