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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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14 hours ago, museumgirl said:

Hello everyone.

I'm sorry for the childishness of what i'm going to write about. but i have nowhere else to resort to and i'm going mental.

I've written a bit about it before, basically that this one celebrity obsession is taking over everything. I'm listening to his music everyday and they are performing at a festival at the end of march. i'm feeling ridiculous. i truly enjoy his music, but for years now i've often used my latest obsession as part of a fictional character in my life (to compensate for lack of intimacy/fear of opening up to real people most likely???) who i can talk to about all the things i'm afraid to tell other people. since he is now what ocuppies my thoughts 24/7, i'm thinking of ways i could somehow meet him during his stay in my city which is absolutely bonkers but i truly do want to. i mean, i'm even sketching stuff for a potential painting to give him (im an art student)??? i'm literally losing it. i don't know what's being a normal person is like. i'm not a creep i swear. i just have a sort of fantasy world i escape to to cope. what should i do??? what even are the odds of meeting him anyways? am i that delusional?

I don't know what being a normal person is like either, so I understand you. ? Pretty much all of my free time is dedicated to CO activities. I go to work, but as soon as I come home, my cat and I watch YouTube videos of my CO. All evening! All weekend! I live alone so I feel like my obsession gets overindulged because there's no one who I need to hide it from. There's a ton of stuff on the Internet about my current CO so even though I look constantly, there's always stuff I haven't seen which is just fuel for the fire.

It's not unusual to want to meet your CO. I've always wanted to meet my COs but wasn't able to when I was younger. But now I can and I've been lucky to meet a few. Since I'm not married and I don't have children (I really don't think I want any because I'm really lazy), I have the time and money to go see COs whenever I want. I've spent thousands over the past few years on trips to see COs and I have an upcoming trip planned to see a former CO. So I'm sure that sounds crazy to some people but fortunately I can still pay my bills, so I don't care. This is what I enjoy doing. ?

I hope you're able to meet your CO someday. I didn't meet mine until over a decade after I first became a fan, but it was still worth it! 

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@HopelessRomantic2011 and @museumgirl I don't know why I didn't notice the comment about "normal" in the original post, but seriously...what does that even mean? Who is so arrogant that they think they can define it? 

This has been a favorite meme of mine since the first time I saw it. Enjoy! ❤

Oops...sorry, I'm not supposed to post pictures. Look here:

 

Edited by Audrey822
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@perfectcircle77 @Audrey822 @HopelessRomantic2011 Thank you for your replies. The thing about my CO is that they change over time. I don't have two CO at once. It seems that as time progresses they last longer than the last one. I know this is my way of coping with solitude and fear, and I know that my current CO will eventually change and i'll obsess over another celebrity. This is why i think trying to meet him is insane. The idea I created of him in my head is NOT THE REAL HIM. I'm such a fool to think that whatever artwork or i manage to do will impress him and make this "fantasy" true. That is if I even manage to meet him, which is a one in a million chances. i'm already spending most of my bday savings to go see him live. 

I just don't want to be like this. I feel so embarrassed and needy.

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@museumgirl  Don't feel embarrassed or crazy for having a fantasy life. That's quite normal, especially for people who are unsatisfied with their real lives (and honestly...most people are). There are far worse, far unhealthier coping mechanisms for depression, loneliness, fear etc. than obsessing over a celebrity. 

When you say that you "don't want to be like this", is it primarily because you find it embarrassing? Or are you afraid that this celebrity obsession is making your life worse than it would otherwise be? Are you afraid of the line between fantasy and reality becoming blurred? Are you afraid of becoming hurt? Some of us on this thread have been hurt by our obsessions and some of us haven't been. Some people believe that their COs saved them. My CO both saved and hurt me. It's not all negative. 

I'm curious to know what exactly you think the problem is, or what negative outcomes you're predicting or worrying about. I don't see what's so strange about spending birthday money on a chance to see your CO live (unless you're supposed to be saving that money for something more important). 

 

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Another unrequited love song (sort of) on the radio this morning by The Beatles

I'll Get You (YouTube available) 

Oh yeah, oh yeah
Oh yeah, oh yeah

Imagine I'm in love with you
It's easy 'cause I know
I've imagined I'm in love with you
Many many many times before

It's not like me to pretend
But I'll get you, I'll get you in the end
Yes I will, I'll get you in the end
Oh yeah, oh yeah

I think about you night and day
I need you 'cause it's true
When I think about you I can say
I'm never never never never blue

So I'm telling you my friend
That I'll get you, I'll get you in the end
Yes I will, I'll get you in the end
Oh yeah, oh yeah

Well there's gonna be a time
When I'm gonna change your mind
So you might as well resign yourself to me
Oh yeah

Imagine I'm in love with you
It's easy 'cause I know
I've imagined I'm in love with you
Many many many times before

It's not like me to pretend
But I'll get you, I'll get you in the end
Yes I will, I'll get you in the end

Oh yeah, oh yeah
Oh yeah, oh yeah
Whoa yeah

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On 01/03/2017 at 6:06 AM, posie_riot said:

That "tough love" advice that you're talking about is a serious problem, and it's everywhere. I've made the mistake of googling "23 and never had a job", which led me to some forums and....long story short, I wouldn't recommend anyone in my position ever google something like that. Even people who sort of mean well will say the worst things. My number one fear at this point (besides all the obvious fears that come along with having social anxiety) is that an employer is just not going to understand. You made me feel better by pointing out that most people are "sympathetic to whatever people are going through". Still though...I dread that inevitable conversation with an employer where I have to explain the massive gap in my résumé. This wasn't so bad when I was a student, but I've been out of school for nearly a year now. I have zero motivation. I know how bad this looks to most people (maybe even some people who are reading this now). I sound like I need a kick in the head...which of course, is actually the last thing I need. The main thing holding me back now is that I'm mortified.

I've had employers catch me crying before and they were sympathetic. Employers are human. They may have been through tough times themselves or had friends like that. A good company will give you some sort of mentor and stress on the first day that you can come to them if you have any concerns about anything. When I started my new job the first thing the (big) boss said was the only thing I need to remember is that I should always ask for help rather than get frustrated.

You need a mentor. If you can find someone in an industry you might like to work in then that's ideal. Who can tell you how to best explain a gap and counterract the a******s online. You certainly aren't the first by a long shot who has had a long career break due to mental health problems. It's the sort of thing the world is finally waking up to and learning that it has to respect that these happen to people, through no fault of their own. Is there an employment section of this forum? Or a similar forum. Where you can find out what people in your position actually did. You done anything like volunteering or clubs and socs?

As for motivation. Can't figure this out myself. But if you can stay off the internet and do something productive for half an hour then you have motivation and can get out of this. Baby steps.

@fabulousrockstar is it going any better now? Your post was heartbreaking. You managing to take your meds again? I hope things get better for you.

On 04/03/2017 at 7:09 PM, Audrey822 said:

We had a flurry of activity for awhile, and now it's so quiet!! How's everyone doing?

For a few days utter hell. Not so bad right now.

First I started to replace (unthinkable! Never thought it would happen!) my lovely CO with the lovely girl at work as my main obsession. I quickly realised that for all my complaints about having a CO obsessing over someone you see every day but who is completely unobtainable is even worse! Where would I run when she got a bf? I felt I should avoid her, make excuses when they invite me to things to avoid pain down the line but they are my only social life in this new city. I watched loads of CO videos, trying to retreat back to my familiar obsession but no. Now I had 2 obsessions and nothing I could do about it. The CO one definitely waning.

So instead I did online dating for 100% the wrong reasons - to give me someone else to think about not her. I've considered doing the same thing when at the peak of my CO obsession many times but a mess like me writing an online dating profile is like selling a car with the wheels fallen off and the roof collapsed. I had a short period of higher mood though following a walk with my best friend so I wrote what I thought was a good, positive profile and agonized for hours trying to write message after message. 18 messages to various women and a few days later -

NOT A SINGLE RESPONSE.... 

I am such a wreck of oversensitivity and paranoia this threw me into the worst low for a while. Proof I really am undateable and I will have to live alone forever. When one thing goes wrong I think of everything else. I thought that I can't even reassure myself that I'm one of those perpetually shy single geeky guys with a good career or artistic or intellectual passions to make up for it because I don't have those. I'm nothing.

I smashed my head against my room door to hurt myself but didn't account for my head being harder than the door and I caused a split in it and thereby damaged the property of the first live in landlady I've had for years who is actually nice to me! I realised what I had done and cried and cried until she came upstairs. I explained all through tears. She was forgiving and sympathetic and recommended a counsellor.

AND THEN I STARTED TO GET A FEW RESPONSES TO THE MESSAGES I SENT ONLINE!

If I'd just waited another day before losing it. Like I said - I'm a mess - selling a car with no wheels. I will get counselling though. Counselling has never cured me but it has kept me ticking over. Maybe if I have someone to talk to this time I'll be able to respond to these women online, privately enjoy my enchanting CO and concentrate on being friends with my colleague while focussing on other women romantically without ending up a door smashing mega wreck again. Maybe at least get a date. Maybe properly replace my CO some day. I'm feeling functional right now. It doesn't last when I'm on my own but I hope counselling can make it last and make me fit enough to at least see what happens with these women online.

ArRRGH reading through that it must sound so absurd to hear a guy like me talk about dating.

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7 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

Hi all.  I've been a member of this site for years but never thought I would need to post on this thread.  I have a mild obsession with a celebrity (actor - and a few of the characters he plays).  I'm just feeling rather stupid about it.  I haven't been so focussed on a celebrity since I was 16 and used to write fan letters to my favourite musician. I got some nice letters back, too.

But are any of you on this thread (sorry I haven't read it since it's so long) older and married and have crushes or obsessions with a celebrity?  I just feel ridiculous and rather ashamed.  I'm not quite sure why.  Some of my co-workers who are around my age, married and moms, were actually hanging out near film sets hoping to get autographs from a particular actor, so I'm not sure why I feel so silly when I have no such plans.

Weirdly too, I think my crush has a bit of a "father figure" element even though the actor is only about 6 years older than me but has played some older characters.  

I think depression and loneliness has played a large role in me developing this preoccupation.  The actor is utterly amazing however, and his work has inspired me to begin writing again after being blocked for several months.  So this has been a good thing for me, in several ways.  So how can it be a bad thing?  

Hi, @CoolCat7...and welcome. You don't need to feel ridiculous or ashamed, at least not here among us. But I guess I realize why you do. Society put different expectations and judgments on people (why we listen to this, I'll never understand) and so I felt exactly the way you do when I first signed up here -- but not anymore. I'm older...probably the oldest person in this thread. One thing that comes with age is the eventual realization that you should stop trying to live up to the expectations of others; the only person you need to please is yourself. If this crush/obsession is making you a better person, relieving you of some depression you would feel without it, inspiring you to begin writing, and making you feel good about yourself, how can it be a bad thing? (Indeed!!) I'm also married, but I'm going to let someone else talk about that...my situation is probably not comparable to yours. I no longer feel even a smidgen of guilt over this. Just know that there are many people who have come through this thread in 8 years running, there are many different stories...you are definitely not alone. There's a regular group of us here now ready to support you through this, so feel free to talk to us.

@Winny...welcome to you too. We're here to support you too. I'm definitely in a better place now than I was when I joined (but I didn't join to rid myself from the obsession -- it was to get support about a different issue, so if that's what you meant by your question, I'm not the right person to speak to...I'm not trying to give up my CO.) Let us know what you're struggling with so we can try to help you. :hugs:

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8 hours ago, Winny said:

Hi i know this thread is old (Ive just joined) i just wondered if anyone who posted is now in a better place? Im really struggling :(  

Welcome! I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling and I'm sure others here can relate. I think some people here have gotten over their obsessions or learned to control them enough so that their lives aren't being negatively affected. For me, I feel like this is something I've always done, will probably always do, and don't really want to change, so I'm ok with it.

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1 hour ago, CoolCat7 said:

I would be interested in sharing more by PM, as well, with you or anyone who is interested, in who my CO is, the extent of it, my plan for dealing with this, and so on.  I don't feel completely comfortable discussing it even here, given that I have many friends on DF and people who "follow" me, and I don't want to be judged.

 

Feel free to PM me if you like, I'll be happy to listen to what you have to say! 

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@MysteryName....reading through that it must sound so absurd to hear a guy like me talk about dating.

No, it really doesn't.  I think you'll do just fine!

 Maybe if I have someone to talk to this time I'll be able to respond to these women online, privately enjoy my enchanting CO and concentrate on being friends with my colleague while focussing on other women romantically without ending up a door smashing mega wreck again. Maybe at least get a date. Maybe properly replace my CO some day.

I'm going to give you the same advice I gave to fabulousrockstar....take things slowly.  Don't think about replacing your CO right now, don't think about anything else but having a nice simple conversation with someone who responds to you on that dating profile.  Take it one step at a time from there.  Let us know how things are going! ?

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@CoolCat7 Welcome to the thread! I think a lot of us (myself included) felt ridiculous and ashamed about our obsessions before finding this place, so I completely understand why you're feeling the way you do. But, like Audrey said, there's no reason why you should feel this way. I really think this is more common than it seems. I'm willing to bet there's a pretty high percentage of people out there who go through this sort of obsession at least once in their lives. But a lot of them keep quiet about it, or at least about the extent of it. Personally, I no longer feel ashamed about having a CO since finding this thread. That said, if any of my friends or family found out about it, I'd still be absolutely mortified! But the important thing is that now I know I'm not alone in this, I no longer feel like it's such a weird thing to be going through. Being able to talk with other people who are in the same position has been so helpful for me, and I hope it will be for you too. :)

@Winny Sorry you're struggling right now. :( If it helps, I feel like I'm in a better frame of mind regarding my CO situation since I joined this board. During my time here, I've figured out the root causes of my obsession so I'm able to view my thoughts and feelings in a clearer way now. And of course, as I said to CoolCat, speaking with other people who are going through the same thing and supporting each other has been hugely helpful. 

Feel free to talk more about what's upsetting you if you would like to - we're always here to listen. :hugs:

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@OpalP25 if any of my friends or family found out about it, I'd still be absolutely mortified! 

Definitely this.  It might be obvious by now that I have a little crush on my CO, but if anyone knew (besides my therapist) the extent to which he's dominated my life and my thoughts, and for how long....yeah.  Definitely mortified....not that I'm ashamed of him.  I'm not.  I just know what people would think of me for carrying on like this.  They would judge me, yet they know absolutely nothing about me.  I'm going to have to shut up now before this turns into a rant!! LOL

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@Audrey822 I feel exactly the same way. What horrifies me is definitely the judgements that people I know would make about me. I'm sure if they found out, they'd think I was some kind of delusional stalker... Although that definitely isn't the case, I still think my obsession might sound pretty weird to anyone who'd never experienced something like this.

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33 minutes ago, OpalP25 said:

@Audrey822 I feel exactly the same way. What horrifies me is definitely the judgements that people I know would make about me. I'm sure if they found out, they'd think I was some kind of delusional stalker... Although that definitely isn't the case, I still think my obsession might sound pretty weird to anyone who'd never experienced something like this.

I've never had a serious boyfriend or brought a guy around to any family functions and I'm in my 30s, so I'm sure most of my relatives think that something is a bit "off" with me. I think they're probably waiting for me to reveal that I'm a lesbian and not that I have an imaginary boyfriend/CO. ?

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@MysteryName I think you're right about me needing a mentor (and probably a counsellor of my own too). I do some volunteering. It takes a lot of the pressure off to know I'm not being paid (if I don't do a great job, I don't feel so guilty). You're right that people are more sympathetic about these kind of things now than perhaps they used to be, and I'm certainly grateful for that. 

Keep your head up about the online dating. You're not "selling a car with no wheels". There are plenty of women who are capable of understanding you. Anyone who doesn't understand is not worth being with anyway. Like you said, the world is finally starting to wake up to the truth behind mental health issues and how common they are. You don't sound absurd, and it's not just those of us here on this site who would say that. 

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Welcome to the thread @CoolCat7 and @Winny :smile:   I don't have much to say that hasn't been said already, but I just wanted to say hi!

@CoolCat7 Celebrity obsession, to varying degrees, is extremely common. I'm sure it's an escape for many people. It's something exciting to place your focus on (kind of like how people become obsessed with TV shows). Depression and loneliness (I would add anxiety as well) are probably common, pre-existing conditions for this sort of thing, but don't mistake that for a reason to view celebrity obsession as an illness in itself. You mentioned that your CO has inspired you, and that's a great thing. Describing a CO as a coping mechanism sounds so clinical, but that's kind of what it is for many people. I always say that there are so many worse ways of coping with life. 

@Winny I'm sorry you're struggling. I've been there, and I am in a better place now. I'm still struggling, but not as much as I used to be. In my case, I found out some information about my CO's personal life (his love life) that I couldn't handle. I can't say I've recovered from the shock of it, but I'm coping so much better now. I've also been successfully avoiding all news, videos, updates, and social media posts related to my CO since July (...I never thought I'd be able to do that, but I was left with no choice. I find it painful to even just look at him). Please come back and talk to us. We might be able to help :hugs:

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On 3/9/2017 at 7:34 AM, CoolCat7 said:

Hi all.  I've been a member of this site for years but never thought I would need to post on this thread.  I have a mild obsession with a celebrity (actor - and a few of the characters he plays).  I'm just feeling rather stupid about it.  I haven't been so focussed on a celebrity since I was 16 and used to write fan letters to my favourite musician. I got some nice letters back, too.

But are any of you on this thread (sorry I haven't read it since it's so long) older and married and have crushes or obsessions with a celebrity?  I just feel ridiculous and rather ashamed.  I'm not quite sure why.  Some of my co-workers who are around my age, married and moms, were actually hanging out near film sets hoping to get autographs from a particular actor, so I'm not sure why I feel so silly when I have no such plans.

Weirdly too, I think my crush has a bit of a "father figure" element even though the actor is only about 6 years older than me but has played some older characters.  

I think depression and loneliness has played a large role in me developing this preoccupation.  The actor is utterly amazing however, and his work has inspired me to begin writing again after being blocked for several months.  So this has been a good thing for me, in several ways.  So how can it be a bad thing?  

Hi @CoolCat7 - welcome to the thread. I am 40 and married with children. I've had various crushes on celebs, and some not at all celebs but people I see every day, since I was 11/12. My husband knows about some of them but not this one. Like you, I would say depression and loneliness has played a part in all of these obsessions over the years and I think compared to where I was 9 months ago, I'm in a much better place and don't really see my CO as a bad thing. I would still never say anything to my friends or even my husband, it would be just too mortifying. But mentally, I'm in a much better place. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more.

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On 3/9/2017 at 9:42 AM, Winny said:

Hi i know this thread is old (Ive just joined) i just wondered if anyone who posted is now in a better place? Im really struggling :(  

I'm in a much better place than when I joined here last summer. Then I was just spiraling between so many different feelings and struggling every day. Nowadays, I've learnt to cope with my CO a lot better, have just about managed to keep the compulsive need to know everything under control and just enjoy him. People here have helped me work through feelings and deal with things that have lead me to being in a good place. I'm sorry you're struggling at the moment. We are a friendly bunch and if you want to talk here, we are here to listen and try and help you. :hugs:

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Thank you so much for your replies..I would really appreciate pm with anyone who wouldnt mind..I wish i could simply enjoy the co but it makes me feel incredibly low and worthless..i compare myself to him and his talent..and i feel sick when i find out he's been linked with some young model..i know how silly it is..i feel like my brain has become a prison..its actually utter hell..im glad that some of you can enjoy it for what it is..i just cant..it is destroying me..thank you for listening ..❤    

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18 hours ago, posie_riot said:

Welcome to the thread @CoolCat7 and @Winny :smile:   I don't have much to say that hasn't been said already, but I just wanted to say hi!

@CoolCat7 Celebrity obsession, to varying degrees, is extremely common. I'm sure it's an escape for many people. It's something exciting to place your focus on (kind of like how people become obsessed with TV shows). Depression and loneliness (I would add anxiety as well) are probably common, pre-existing conditions for this sort of thing, but don't mistake that for a reason to view celebrity obsession as an illness in itself. You mentioned that your CO has inspired you, and that's a great thing. Describing a CO as a coping mechanism sounds so clinical, but that's kind of what it is for many people. I always say that there are so many worse ways of coping with life. 

@Winny I'm sorry you're struggling. I've been there, and I am in a better place now. I'm still struggling, but not as much as I used to be. In my case, I found out some information about my CO's personal life (his love life) that I couldn't handle. I can't say I've recovered from the shock of it, but I'm coping so much better now. I've also been successfully avoiding all news, videos, updates, and social media posts related to my CO since July (...I never thought I'd be able to do that, but I was left with no choice. I find it painful to even just look at him). Please come back and talk to us. We might be able to help :hugs:

Oh wow..pretty much everything you just described is what i am expeiencing .i feel sick..i know it not healthy but it wont stop..i cant stop comparing myself to this young perfect model ive just found out he's dating..the thing is,I know how trivial it all sounds when i say it/write it..but it hurts unbearably at times..i feel hopeless like ill never be her so whats the point..sorry im just going off on one..glad your feeling a bit better..i also a million percent relate to not being able to even look at a picture of them..(him) but its like he's unavoidable..i dont want to spend the rest of my life scared to open a magazine in case i see his (breathtaking) face..oh im 27 and i feel 13 when i think about him..my heart races like nothing else can do to me!..its ridiculous..i felt phyically naughtous when i saw pics of him with his new gf..like a real heart break..

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So remember when I posted just hours ago about how fine I was with everything? Yeah, not so much now. Funny how it turns on the flip of a coin or the click of a button. 

I was flicking through my Instagram feed. In amongst my friends, & crafty people I also follow a small number of fan accounts related to my CO and his show. They are just photos and mostly seem to be run by teens and slightly older so are safe. One always posts a question a day and so I clicked on today's just to see what it was - it was about who would be next to have a kid between my CO and two others on the show. Of the 9 comments, 6 different people mentioned my CO and how he is getting serious with the woman he's dating. 

What?! How do they know this? If it was just one, I'd dismiss it but it's not. And I am fighting the urge to google for more info although as he has said nothing I don't have any clue where these people get their info? I want to ask how they know but really, I don't want to know where they find this stuff out because it'll be like an itch I need to scratch. I feel sick, like crying. And also a bit ridiculous because it's not like I'm single. 

Here was I, planning to get another meet and greet ticket for their next tour here later this and then this. I know what I need to do - not search for anything, not let it into my carefully constructed alternate reality. But really, I just feel sick and a little heartbroken. 

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10 hours ago, perfectcircle77 said:

I'm in a much better place than when I joined here last summer. Then I was just spiraling between so many different feelings and struggling every day. Nowadays, I've learnt to cope with my CO a lot better, have just about managed to keep the compulsive need to know everything under control and just enjoy him. People here have helped me work through feelings and deal with things that have lead me to being in a good place. I'm sorry you're struggling at the moment. We are a friendly bunch and if you want to talk here, we are here to listen and try and help you. :hugs:

Thank you so much..untill a few days ago i thought i was the only girl in the world who felt like this.out of desperation i turned to the internet..i found this and it made me realise (thank god) maybe there is hope..its such a relief to actually get it out..with people who already know how this feels.

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@perfectcircle77 First of all, I want to say that I'm so sorry you had to see that.  :console:

But I wouldn't take it as gospel truth just yet. Fans come in all flavors. I've seen this so many times....fans without a romantic interest in the celebrity themselves (like us)  want to ingratiate themselves with the celebrity by rooting for them in their relationships....and it's not unusual for fans to express speculation about a relationship, or marriage, or pregnancy with absolutely no information to go on at all except their own wishes (and maybe, if it turns out to be true, it makes them look like they had inside knowledge when they really don't.)  I know this is easier said than done, but I hope you can try really hard to ignore this, and -- as you said -- do not allow that into your alternate reality.  That's exactly how I've had to survive.  It's a constant battle, but you can do it.  I'm sending you enormous virtual hugs right now. :hugs:

One more thing:  do not Google.  Just don't.  I'm not saying that because I know anything.  I'm saying that because it's never a good idea.  I haven't Googled my CO's name in almost 2  years. 

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44 minutes ago, perfectcircle77 said:

So remember when I posted just hours ago about how fine I was with everything? Yeah, not so much now. Funny how it turns on the flip of a coin or the click of a button. 

I was flicking through my Instagram feed. In amongst my friends, & crafty people I also follow a small number of fan accounts related to my CO and his show. They are just photos and mostly seem to be run by teens and slightly older so are safe. One always posts a question a day and so I clicked on today's just to see what it was - it was about who would be next to have a kid between my CO and two others on the show. Of the 9 comments, 6 different people mentioned my CO and how he is getting serious with the woman he's dating. 

What?! How do they know this? If it was just one, I'd dismiss it but it's not. And I am fighting the urge to google for more info although as he has said nothing I don't have any clue where these people get their info? I want to ask how they know but really, I don't want to know where they find this stuff out because it'll be like an itch I need to scratch. I feel sick, like crying. And also a bit ridiculous because it's not like I'm single. 

Here was I, planning to get another meet and greet ticket for their next tour here later this and then this. I know what I need to do - not search for anything, not let it into my carefully constructed alternate reality. But really, I just feel sick and a little heartbroken. 

Im in the same place exactly omg :( i know this pain! I have a boyfreind who i love and everything but i feel like  

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