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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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I had an idea. :idea3:

For anyone who wants it (and if you use it), I put all of the songs in @Audrey822's (so I'm hoping it's okay) blog post in a *link removed please pm member* (I hope that link works) for you all. I'll add anymore if anyone wants to add or change if I've done the wrong versions (I've done one song with two different known versions)! I'll add anymore myself if I find some that I think may apply! :grinning:

 

Wasn't able to add the Taylor Swift song.

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18 hours ago, SophieViolet95 said:

I had an idea. :idea3:

For anyone who wants it (and if you use it), I put all of the songs in @Audrey822's (so I'm hoping it's okay) blog post in a *link removed* (I hope that link works) for you all. I'll add anymore if anyone wants to add or change if I've done the wrong versions (I've done one song with two different known versions)! I'll add anymore myself if I find some that I think may apply! :grinning:

 

Wasn't able to add the Taylor Swift song.

That was a wonderful idea!! Thank you for doing that!  :thumbsup: The link worked! 

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19 hours ago, MysteryName said:

@posie so you realise the job market probably isn't as horrible as you think (it isn't! Lots of places seriously need people! That's the story which the media with its obsession with everything being ultra competitive doesn't tell us) ? Is convincing yourself of this fact that you know the main think stopping you getting a job? Or are other factors involved? I know anxiety is a problem. I struggle with that too. But there has to be a way around. The working world really isn't that mean and people are usually actually nice in most industries and sympathetic to whatever people are going through. ARRRGH if I could strangle the supposedly influential ***** who write "tough love" blogs about how "yous boss won't care about X so deal with it! Grow some balls!" (people write similar things about relationships - mainly aimed at straight men) Don't focus on society's obsession with the negative! What is the main thing blocking you?
 

That "tough love" advice that you're talking about is a serious problem, and it's everywhere. I've made the mistake of googling "23 and never had a job", which led me to some forums and....long story short, I wouldn't recommend anyone in my position ever google something like that. Even people who sort of mean well will say the worst things. My number one fear at this point (besides all the obvious fears that come along with having social anxiety) is that an employer is just not going to understand. You made me feel better by pointing out that most people are "sympathetic to whatever people are going through". Still though...I dread that inevitable conversation with an employer where I have to explain the massive gap in my résumé. This wasn't so bad when I was a student, but I've been out of school for nearly a year now. I have zero motivation. I know how bad this looks to most people (maybe even some people who are reading this now). I sound like I need a kick in the head...which of course, is actually the last thing I need. The main thing holding me back now is that I'm mortified. 

Don't pay attention to those articles aimed at straight men. I know what you're talking about. I've seen them, and they're terrible. They take every trait that the kind of men reading those articles posses and then they say: "Women don't like that!" "Women like confidence!"  Yeah...whatever. As a shy woman, do you know how intimidating super confident, high-achieving men are? If a guy like that walked up and boldly approached me, I'd have a coronary. Those articles make all women sound the same. Also, the focus behind a lot of the advice seems to be on getting dates rather than securing a longterm partner. A woman looking for a serious boyfriend doesn't necessarily want Mr. Suave (some women do, but many others won't prioritize those qualities). Personally, I'm a lot more concerned with finding someone who is sensitive and understanding of my issues. Mr. Suave wouldn't know the first thing to say to me. 

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On 2/27/2017 at 7:08 PM, MysteryName said:

I haven't kept up with any sort of music! One way having a CO has messed me up is making me a boring cultural void as all my time and mind space is taken up with her.  Of other songs I do know though "Haven't met you now by Michael Buble is not about unrequited love" but seems kinda relevant.

@posie_riot and @Audrey822 thanks for your encouragement but there is no possibility whatsoever I could end up with anyone including my new real life crush. I work with this woman for a start. They invite everyone to everything. I'm just the only one who comes as the others have lives and families. I've been doing stuff with them all the time. Close as I've got to having a life. So many highs. But then there's the pressure to be interesting and the worry it will stop and some part of me thinks this is all pointless as I can't tell her how I feel.

For a while a real life crush started replacing my CO but then the pressure built up and to comfort me I started watching videos and pics etc. of my CO more again. I always retreat back to her.

Why am I undateable? I tried answering this a ton of ways but you've read pages of my diseased ramblings over the time I've been here full of obsession and self loathing - they screem undateable on their own. But at the end of the day you don't get to be 30 while having barely dated, without something being very very very wrong with you. Most of society doesn't think its possible to be in that situation. How do I mentally process having done so badly at the core of human existence that most of society doesn't even think it is possible to do this badly?

Any woman would run a mile in an instant as soon as she found out my lack of past.
 

"Chemistry" doesn't exist in my world. I think part of my brain is missing. Instead I get excited every time I even talk to a girl in any depth and joke with her. And then next day I have nothing left to say. And then I'd see her interract with another guy and I'd remember a healthy human has 100 people they talk and joke with on that level and there's nothing special about my interraction with her. EVERY SINGLE TIME!

I couldn't go on with this cycle. The only way to maintain some dignity and avoid the anguish was to be a guy who had chosen not to have relationships. Not to try.

Turns out though that I can't force myself not to feel things for women and so a strategy my subconsious used was to choose a woman where I'd never have that cycle because I'd never meet her. It didn't work it just caused other problems.

I'm pleased people seem to these days have a positive outlook on their CO's. Call it true love if that's what it is. I can't join you - having a CO is part of my disease. A psychiatrist could explain exactly why I have a CO and even, to some extent, why her in particular I focused on. I'm pretty sure I've reduced her to a set of attributes. I can't see her as a soulmate as it seems the most perverse thing in the world. Chop a soul in half. One half puts her all into everything becomes a famous actress, musician, comedian, cartoonist, lots of other stuff too. The other half sits in his room all day browsing the internet and moaning and can barely look after himself. That doesn't make sense. Seems twisted. Like zoophilia or incest.

@MysteryName, I sympathize with what you're saying. I've also managed to make it to my 30s without any significant dating experience. Yes, I do date, but it's so pointless and unfulfilling that you might as well not even call it that. I'm terrible at socializing, so I only ever meet men via online dating. I have no idea how to go about establishing a romantic connection in real life. I thought about your post because I was checking out an attractive guy at work today and thought about how pointless the whole thing was because 1) I don't even know his name and have no opportunity to start a conversation with him. 2) Since I only talk to a handful of people at work, I don't know anyone who might know him and even if I did, I'd probably be reluctant to ask about him because 3) He's probably younger than me and even though he wasn't wearing a wedding band, he's probably already taken, and 4) If he's single, he still probably wouldn't be interested in me. Not because no one is ever interested in me, but guys who I want just usually aren't. Or at least not for long.

So basically, I feel like I have a better chance at meeting my CO than ever even having a conversation with this normal, non-celebrity guy at work and that's just sad.

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On the subject of unrequited love songs, I think this one qualifies (loosely, humorously)...and with a bit of a celebrity twist in an amusing way.  I love Bruno Mars....I think he's one of the best entertainers around today.  I can't link the song, but I think everyone probably knows it.  I'll put it on the blog

"Calling All My Lovelies"

I got too many girls on hold for you to be so bold
Too many on my team for you to act so mean
You say you wanna go and have fun, well you ain't the only one
If I ring, don't let it ring too long or I'm gone

I got Alicia waitin', Aisha waitin'
All the eesha's waitin' on me
So why you contemplatin', playa hatin'?
If this is how it's gonna be

I'm calling all my lovelies (calling all my lovelies)
'Cause I can't get a hold of you
Since you ain't thinking of me (since you ain't thinking of me)
Oh, look what you making me do

Honey pie, I'm far too fly to be on standby
Sendin' me straight to voicemail, suga, what the hell?
Oh, you ought to be ashamed, playin' these childish games
I don't get down like that, tell me where you at, hit me back

I got Alicia waitin', Aisha waitin'
All the eesha's waitin' on me
So why you contemplatin', playa hatin'?
If this is how it's gonna be

I'm calling all my lovelies (calling all my lovelies)
'Cause I can't get a hold of you
Since you ain't thinking of me (since you ain't thinking of me)
Oh, look what you making me do

Pick up the phone, pick up the phone
'Cause all this loving needs a home
Oh no, look at what you started, baby
Now I'm left here broken hearted, baby
There's a pain in my chest I cannot explain
I told myself I wasn't gon' cry (I'm not gonna cry, no no)
Then somebody's gotta come dry these eyes (dry these eyes)

[*phone calling tone*]
"Hi, you've reached Halle Berry. Sorry, I can't get to the phone right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll get right back to you."
[*mwah*]

I'm calling calling calling calling all my lovelies
'Cause I can't get a hold of you
Oh, since you ain't thinking of me (since you ain't thinking of me, baby)
Look what you making me do

Pick up the phone, pick up the phone
'Cause all this loving needs a home, oh

[*phone calling tone*]

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@Audrey822 I've been ill over the last few days so although I planned to respond to some of the recent posts here, I didn't have the energy! Luckily, I'm feeling much better now. :)

No real news from me regarding my CO... but all in all, things in life aren't going too badly for me at the moment. I hope things are going alright for everyone else here too. :hugs:

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2 minutes ago, OpalP25 said:

@Audrey822 I've been ill over the last few days so although I planned to respond to some of the recent posts here, I didn't have the energy! Luckily, I'm feeling much better now. :)

No real news from me regarding my CO... but all in all, things in life aren't going too badly for me at the moment. I hope things are going alright for everyone else here too. :hugs:

Ugh...sorry to hear you've been under the weather, @OpalP25...glad you're feeling better now!  ?

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3 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

We had a flurry of activity for awhile, and now it's so quiet!! How's everyone doing?

It has been quiet around here lately! I hope everyone is doing well.  I'm just relaxing and enjoying my weekend. My CO's band just released a new album so I'm trying to get acquainted with the new songs (but I prefer the older ones). ?

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2 minutes ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

It has been quiet around here lately! I hope everyone is doing well.  I'm just relaxing and enjoying my weekend. My CO's band just released a new album so I'm trying to get acquainted with the new songs (but I prefer the older ones). ?

That's exciting news!  Maybe you'll like the new songs just as much once you get used to them! 

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4 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

We had a flurry of activity for awhile, and now it's so quiet!! How's everyone doing?

I'm doing OK on the CO front. I respectfully enjoy Steven from a distance, and I had the best time with a live stream mini-concert from Constantine on Wednesday. He is awesome combined with talented and a dash of sexy!

But other than those fleeting moments of joy...I'm honestly quite miserable.

I graduated physical therapy in January, and I find myself now weighing 406 pounds. It has sent me into a real bad time. My self confidence is shot to hell already and this just makes things worse. I eat only 2 meals a day, but I just can't seem to lose any weight. The only things I eat are chocolate, chicken, cheese and Kool-aid. I know what I need to do (eat healthy, including more fruits and veggies, drink water, exercise more, etc), but it's just so hard for me to change my ways.

I also posted the following on Facebook last month: "I guess I'm not used to caring for/about myself. I do everything I can to keep myself sane, but I've always lacked the give-a-damn to keep myself healthy.
I rarely brushed my teeth, leading me to now have only 4 teeth left, all with crowns, and I don't like wearing my dentures. I rarely take care of my personal hygiene, hardly washing my face and taking at least 12 showers a year, and I can't stand for 2 minutes without pain. I just can't bring myself to care at all. It's just too much work for me, so I just don't do it at all.
Sorry for the long post. I now have no one else to vent to. One of my counselors decided not to come back after having her first baby in December, and I had to stop seeing my other counselor because I legally can't see 2 counselors at the same time. I'm just over it all.
I guess I'm punishing myself for a lot of things going wrong in my life. I'm just a failure that can't do anything right."

You can add to that that I don't take my meds consistantly, and that includes my asthma inhalers and my CPAP machine for my sleep apnea.

I guess I'm punishing myself for still being alive after all these years. I often think that I'd rather be dead than fat. Doesn't help my situation though. I just don't know anymore, nor do I care. I'm just over it all.

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24 minutes ago, fabulousrockstar said:

I'm doing OK on the CO front. I respectfully enjoy Steven from a distance, and I had the best time with a live stream mini-concert from Constantine on Wednesday. He is awesome combined with talented and a dash of sexy!

But other than those fleeting moments of joy...I'm honestly quite miserable.

I graduated physical therapy in January, and I find myself now weighing 406 pounds. It has sent me into a real bad time. My self confidence is shot to hell already and this just makes things worse. I eat only 2 meals a day, but I just can't seem to lose any weight. The only things I eat are chocolate, chicken, cheese and Kool-aid. I know what I need to do (eat healthy, including more fruits and veggies, drink water, exercise more, etc), but it's just so hard for me to change my ways.

I also posted the following on Facebook last month: "I guess I'm not used to caring for/about myself. I do everything I can to keep myself sane, but I've always lacked the give-a-damn to keep myself healthy.
I rarely brushed my teeth, leading me to now have only 4 teeth left, all with crowns, and I don't like wearing my dentures. I rarely take care of my personal hygiene, hardly washing my face and taking at least 12 showers a year, and I can't stand for 2 minutes without pain. I just can't bring myself to care at all. It's just too much work for me, so I just don't do it at all.
Sorry for the long post. I now have no one else to vent to. One of my counselors decided not to come back after having her first baby in December, and I had to stop seeing my other counselor because I legally can't see 2 counselors at the same time. I'm just over it all.
I guess I'm punishing myself for a lot of things going wrong in my life. I'm just a failure that can't do anything right."

You can add to that that I don't take my meds consistantly, and that includes my asthma inhalers and my CPAP machine for my sleep apnea.

I guess I'm punishing myself for still being alive after all these years. I often think that I'd rather be dead than fat. Doesn't help my situation though. I just don't know anymore, nor do I care. I'm just over it all.

Thanks for your honesty in sharing all that. I really can't imagine what you're going through. Life is hard and I really don't know whether there's a point to all of the bad things we have to endure, but I hope there is. 

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@fabulousrockstar *hugs*  I'm sorry you're going through so much. You're not a failure. Self-punishment is a theme on this thread. We treat ourselves the way we think we deserve to be treated, but we're always so much harder on ourselves than we would be on anyone else in the same situation. No one makes a conscious decision to suffer the way you are, so beating yourself up for things is senseless. You can't change anything by disciplining yourself. Have some compassion for yourself for what you've endured and realize that, despite everything, you are still here. That takes a certain level of strength and determination. You haven't given up. You're telling your story and you're trying to get help. I hope you're able to get that situation with your counsellor sorted. It's certainly not your fault that access to mental health care is limited and that the system in general is flawed. You shouldn't just lose your access to mental health treatment for x number of months because your counsellor went on maternity leave. 

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Personal update. 

A brand new video of my CO (an appearance he did) showed up in my Recommended videos on YouTube, Thursday night. For those who don't know, I have been avoiding my CO since July. I've unfollowed him on all social media. I don't google his name. I've cleared my browsing history. I've cleared my YouTube watch and search history multiple times, etc. etc. etc.   I've done everything in my power to eliminate him from my life. He showed up in my Recommended videos, on my homepage, because life is cruel. 

I thought that since I wasn't stumbling across anything related to him by accident, then that must mean he's not doing anything major career-wise. I think I was wrong about that. It's a terrible feeling to have no idea what's going on with him. I'm only sheltering myself because I can't handle his personal life. I don't want to see the tweets or the Instagram photos. I don't want to hear him talk about how happy he is in interviews. From what I understand, he's still engaged. The baby has obviously been born by now but I know nothing about that. I don't know if it's a boy or a girl, when it was born, what they named it...nothing. 

Seeing that video on my homepage startled me. I didn't watch it. I can't watch it. Just the thumbnail alone sent me into a tailspin. I don't even want to see his face anymore because it's too painful. 

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3 hours ago, fabulousrockstar said:

I graduated physical therapy in January, and I find myself now weighing 406 pounds. It has sent me into a real bad time. My self confidence is shot to hell already and this just makes things worse. I eat only 2 meals a day, but I just can't seem to lose any weight. The only things I eat are chocolate, chicken, cheese and Kool-aid. I know what I need to do (eat healthy, including more fruits and veggies, drink water, exercise more, etc), but it's just so hard for me to change my ways.

You can add to that that I don't take my meds consistantly, and that includes my asthma inhalers and my CPAP machine for my sleep apnea.

I guess I'm punishing myself for still being alive after all these years. I often think that I'd rather be dead than fat. Doesn't help my situation though. I just don't know anymore, nor do I care. I'm just over it all.

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry to hear all that you're going through.  As @posie_riot said to you, you're not a failure. I'd like to make some suggestions to you for positive change because I want you to feel better about yourself.  Make small changes...maybe instead of eating chocolate, chicken, cheese and Kool-aid....try chicken, vegetables, fruit and water.  Don't worry about exercise until you can stand for more than 2 minutes without pain.  Even being able to do that would be exercise enough for now,  Be satisfied with a small weight loss...you don't have to lose it all in one month.  The best, most successful weight loss plans suggest about 2 lbs per week.  You may lose more initially, but eventually you'll get into that pattern where you'll lose about 2 lbs a week...be satisfied with that even if it seems like it's taking forever.  Your body needs to adjust; you don't want to lose too quickly.  

Other small changes to make...get back into the routine of washing your face daily if you can stand up long enough to do it.  You will feel better.  Once you start feeling better, your self-confidence will start to return.  All of us in this thread are going to be rooting for you.  

I know all about self-punishment.  It's a horrible thing to get sucked into.  I know, I just did about 20 minutes ago. You really have to train yourself to NOT do that....and still I stumble.  That's why we're all here...consider this your support group,  When you need us, when you feel that urge coming on...come talk to us instead.  We're here for you.  

Give us a progress report soon OK? (((hugs)))  Do not give up 

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1 hour ago, posie_riot said:

Personal update. 

A brand new video of my CO (an appearance he did) showed up in my Recommended videos on YouTube, Thursday night. For those who don't know, I have been avoiding my CO since July. I've unfollowed him on all social media. I don't google his name. I've cleared my browsing history. I've cleared my YouTube watch and search history multiple times, etc. etc. etc.   I've done everything in my power to eliminate him from my life. He showed up in my Recommended videos, on my homepage, because life is cruel. 

I thought that since I wasn't stumbling across anything related to him by accident, then that must mean he's not doing anything major career-wise. I think I was wrong about that. It's a terrible feeling to have no idea what's going on with him. I'm only sheltering myself because I can't handle his personal life. I don't want to see the tweets or the Instagram photos. I don't want to hear him talk about how happy he is in interviews. From what I understand, he's still engaged. The baby has obviously been born by now but I know nothing about that. I don't know if it's a boy or a girl, when it was born, what they named it...nothing. 

Seeing that video on my homepage startled me. I didn't watch it. I can't watch it. Just the thumbnail alone sent me into a tailspin. I don't even want to see his face anymore because it's too painful. 

It sucks so much when something hits you out of the blue like that.  I'm so sorry that happened to you. (((hugs))) It's sad that you have to remain in the dark about what's going on with your CO, but I understand....I'm sort of the same way.  I don't know if it's possible to know about mine, but I can't look even if it is possible.  For over 40 years there was no way to know...now that there is, I can't do it because reality might slap me in the face. Life just sucks.  

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@BattleScars I watched "He loves me... he loves me not" today and enjoyed it a lot! It was pretty scary in places though... I don't think anyone in this thread is anywhere near the state of mind that the main character is in. Some of her actions made me feel very sane in comparison! :roll2:

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2 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

@BattleScars I watched "He loves me... he loves me not" today and enjoyed it a lot! It was pretty scary in places though... I don't think anyone in this thread is anywhere near the state of mind that the main character is in. Some of her actions made me feel very sane in comparison! :roll2:

I just read the synopsis of that movie on Wikipedia....yikes. I kinda want to watch it now because I love psychological drama!! 

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3 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

@BattleScars I watched "He loves me... he loves me not" today and enjoyed it a lot! It was pretty scary in places though... I don't think anyone in this thread is anywhere near the state of mind that the main character is in. Some of her actions made me feel very sane in comparison! :roll2:

I just watched the trailer for it. Yikes!! I might have to check that one out :laugh:

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On 3/5/2017 at 0:00 AM, fabulousrockstar said:

I'm doing OK on the CO front. I respectfully enjoy Steven from a distance, and I had the best time with a live stream mini-concert from Constantine on Wednesday. He is awesome combined with talented and a dash of sexy!

But other than those fleeting moments of joy...I'm honestly quite miserable.

I graduated physical therapy in January, and I find myself now weighing 406 pounds. It has sent me into a real bad time. My self confidence is shot to hell already and this just makes things worse. I eat only 2 meals a day, but I just can't seem to lose any weight. The only things I eat are chocolate, chicken, cheese and Kool-aid. I know what I need to do (eat healthy, including more fruits and veggies, drink water, exercise more, etc), but it's just so hard for me to change my ways.

I also posted the following on Facebook last month: "I guess I'm not used to caring for/about myself. I do everything I can to keep myself sane, but I've always lacked the give-a-damn to keep myself healthy.
I rarely brushed my teeth, leading me to now have only 4 teeth left, all with crowns, and I don't like wearing my dentures. I rarely take care of my personal hygiene, hardly washing my face and taking at least 12 showers a year, and I can't stand for 2 minutes without pain. I just can't bring myself to care at all. It's just too much work for me, so I just don't do it at all.
Sorry for the long post. I now have no one else to vent to. One of my counselors decided not to come back after having her first baby in December, and I had to stop seeing my other counselor because I legally can't see 2 counselors at the same time. I'm just over it all.
I guess I'm punishing myself for a lot of things going wrong in my life. I'm just a failure that can't do anything right."

You can add to that that I don't take my meds consistantly, and that includes my asthma inhalers and my CPAP machine for my sleep apnea.

I guess I'm punishing myself for still being alive after all these years. I often think that I'd rather be dead than fat. Doesn't help my situation though. I just don't know anymore, nor do I care. I'm just over it all.

It is super hard to make changes but you need to start small and do one thing at a time. Pick something - washing your face every day, for example, or taking your meds consistently and just focus on doing that. Trying to change everything at once is too much for anyone. I agree with Audrey, we are all rooting for you on this thread, definitely come back and talk to us. :hugs:

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7 hours ago, perfectcircle77 said:

It is super hard to make changes but you need to start small and do one thing at a time. Pick something - washing your face every day, for example, or taking your meds consistently and just focus on doing that. Trying to change everything at once is too much for anyone. I agree with Audrey, we are all rooting for you on this thread, definitely come back and talk to us. :hugs:

Very important point!!!  I overlooked mentioning this....take your meds consistently, @fabulousrockstar...it can plunge you into depths of despair when your meds aren't consistent or right.  I've been there.  

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Hello everyone.

I'm sorry for the childishness of what i'm going to write about. but i have nowhere else to resort to and i'm going mental.

I've written a bit about it before, basically that this one celebrity obsession is taking over everything. I'm listening to his music everyday and they are performing at a festival at the end of march. i'm feeling ridiculous. i truly enjoy his music, but for years now i've often used my latest obsession as part of a fictional character in my life (to compensate for lack of intimacy/fear of opening up to real people most likely???) who i can talk to about all the things i'm afraid to tell other people. since he is now what ocuppies my thoughts 24/7, i'm thinking of ways i could somehow meet him during his stay in my city which is absolutely bonkers but i truly do want to. i mean, i'm even sketching stuff for a potential painting to give him (im an art student)??? i'm literally losing it. i don't know what's being a normal person is like. i'm not a creep i swear. i just have a sort of fantasy world i escape to to cope. what should i do??? what even are the odds of meeting him anyways? am i that delusional?

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Welcome to the thread @museumgirl....I don't think you sound mental or delusional at all, and you're not losing it. But many people think those things when they first come here...myself included.  I'm none of those things, and your story sounds a lot like mine.  I've lived a very functional life ... except for the people in this thread and my therapist no one knows about the celebrity I've loved for almost 50 years.  Like you, I enjoy his music, I listen to it daily...I've engaged in what's known as maladaptive daydreaming all of my life... I have an alter ego and I fictionally "married" this singer to my alter ego many decades ago.  I don't know if you've had a chance to look through this thread, but you'll find many stories just like yours...so don't worry about a thing.  You're not alone at all. 

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Welcome @museumgirl I'm with Audrey, I don't think you sound delusional at all. My CO takes up a lot of space in my mind and I talk to him. Like Audrey, I also engage in maladaptive daydreaming - a life built around the idea of meeting and marrying my CO back when I was younger. As for meeting him, it's not impossible. Are you going to the festival at the end of the month? Fans of my CO and his friends often post artwork online and send it to them, so I don't think it sounds weird or creepy to want to do that for him. 

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