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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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36 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

Maybe I wasn't communicating that clearly...I wasn't suggesting it's necessary to live with someone before marrying him/her (I'm not opposed to the idea, but that wasn't what I was saying.) I think that may be the reason so many couples choose to do so, however.  I stand by the statement: you  can't know all you need to know about someone until you live with them.  It may be too late when you marry them (trust me.) 

I was just going off on a tangent because I know there are some people who would never consider marrying someone without living with them first. I understand why someone would want to make sure they were compatible enough to live together before marrying, but I just don't personally like the idea of someone "trying me out" in a living together arrangement. Or maybe I just feel like they would find a reason not to marry me if we lived together first, so I'm against it. lol

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17 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

@posie_riot The reason I would feel it was a bit disrespectful to my CO to call him my true love is because I think of true love as being a two-sided thing, and I have no idea whether or not he would feel the same way about me if we actually met (being realistic, it's unlikely he would). However I don't find the fact that I have feelings for him disrespectful at all in itself.

I've always hoped and believed that the love of my life would be someone who felt the same about me, and I still continue to have that belief, despite everything. Because I want to believe that I do deserve better than a love that's not reciprocated. We all do.

I understand what you mean. The word 'disrespectful' seems intense though. I don't think you would be disrespecting your CO by believing that he is your true love, even if he doesn't feel the same way about you. Maybe he just wouldn't know what he's missing. This applies to real-life relationships too. For the record, my CO has made enough bad decisions in relationships for me to think that he probably doesn't know what he's doing. He's already married and divorced a woman who I'm sure he thought was his "true love". If he turned me down in real life, I'd be devastated, but I don't think I'd feel like I was ever disrespecting him by believing that he could be my soulmate. Believing that someone is perfect for you, and then being turned down because they were too dumb to see, is no reason to feel guilty or punish yourself with talk of disrespect. Sometimes people don't know what they want or need. 

I believe that everyone deserves better than unreciprocated love too. In a perfect world we would all get to be with our soulmates, our feelings would be perfectly reciprocated, and we would all live happily ever after. Even though I do pretty much see my CO as a soulmate, I'm not closed off to the idea of finding a soulmate in another person. I don't think that my CO is the only person I could ever be happy with. This probably makes me sound polyamorous lol, but I don't see it that way. It's a complex issue, I suppose. Gosh, I sound like I'm on The Bachelorette (American reality show...not to be recommended). 

 

Edited by posie_riot
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23 minutes ago, posie_riot said:

I understand what you mean. The word 'disrespectful' seems intense though. I don't think you would be disrespecting your CO by believing that he is your true love, even if he doesn't feel the same way about you. Maybe he just wouldn't know what he's missing. This applies to real-life relationships too. For the record, my CO has made enough bad decisions in relationships for me to think that he probably doesn't know what he's doing. He's already married and divorced a woman who I'm sure he thought was his "true love". If he turned me down in real life, I'd be devastated, but I don't think I'd feel like I was ever disrespecting him by believing that he could be my soulmate. Believing that someone is perfect for you, and then being turned down because they were too dumb to see, is no reason to feel guilty or punish yourself with talk of disrespect. Sometimes people don't know what they want or need. 

I believe that everyone deserves better than unreciprocated love too. In a perfect world we would all get to be with our soulmates, our feelings would be perfectly reciprocated, and we would all live happily ever after. I'm not sure if I'm in the minority on this or not, but even though I do pretty much see my CO as a soulmate, I'm not closed off to the idea of finding a soulmate in another person. I don't think that my CO is the only person I could ever be happy with. This probably makes me sound polyamorous lol, but I don't see it that way. It's a complex issue, I suppose. Gosh, I sound like I'm on The Bachelorette (American reality show...not to be recommended).

 

I enjoy The Bachelorette. I like to fantasize every now and then that I'm the bachelorette and I have to choose from all the COs I've had in my life. After having them all together in that environment and getting to know them a bit, I really have no idea who I'd choose and who I'd send home "broken hearted." It's a fun thought though! :)

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@posie_riot LOL @ your comment about The Bachelorette.:cheesy:  

 I don't think you would be disrespecting your CO by believing that he is your true love, even if he doesn't feel the same way about you.

Disrespectful to the CO?  No, I don't believe that either.  If Opal or anyone else is planning on meeting someone in the future who she wants to share her life with, and that person is not her CO, then it could possibly be seen as disrespectful to this future prospective marriage partner....perhaps.  Because then I could see that she might want to reserve that "label" (for lack of a better word) for that man.  

Clearly, I'm not in that situation.  I don't have to worry about disrespecting some future significant other in my life....there won't be one.  It may be something that's gone on only in my very good/vivid imagination, but I'm resigned to the fact that my CO was, is, and always will be my one and only true love....even if he doesn't know and will never love me back.  I can live with that.  It's a gift to me to be able to love him.  I don't expect anything in return. 

Another way I could also see it might be disrespectful to a CO would be to say it about him or her if it's not the truth.  In my case, it is true.

And  @posie_riot I don't think that keeping yourself open to finding your soulmate in another person makes you sound polyamorous either.  Who's to say whether each of us has only one soulmate anyway?  As long as you don't find both of them at the same time, you'll be fine. ?

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29 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

And  @posie_riot I don't think that keeping yourself open to finding your soulmate in another person makes you sound polyamorous either.  Who's to say whether each of us has only one soulmate anyway?  As long as you don't find both of them at the same time, you'll be fine. ?

I'm glad to see someone else say that, because this is how I feel and I don't know how it comes across. My CO will have a special place in my heart forever, but let's face it...through no real choice of my own, he probably won't receive the final rose. (Stop me, stop me now...this is going south...)

In all seriousness, I feel a true love connection (FFS, this is getting worse) with my CO, but I do think that I could also have a love connection with someone else someday without forcing my CO to ride off sobbing in a limo (I can't stop...I'm out of control).

I have not been drinking (truly). 

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On 3/10/2015 at 0:10 AM, mp3 said:

I've been drawn back to this thread as I've recently started to develop a somewhat obsessive crush on a musician and I'm feeling exactly as you've described here. He's led this exciting, interesting successful life and I've achieved nothing. I'm nearly 30 and i have no real career to speak of, no talents or anything that would make him interested in me. I wouldn't want to meet him the way I am now purely because I wouldn't know what to say to him, and would probably go red and say nothing. Not the impression I'd really want to make on him.

Listening to his music gives me butterflies, I liked his music before I fixated on him and he is very talented. I am so frustrated with myself that the only thing that has really given me a sense of living is a string of obsessions with famous strangers. That's not who I wanted to be and I would like to think i am capable of achieving something more :verysad3:

Hello, I'm back again (though have been lurking on and off since my original post above.) Reading about people's positive encounters with their COs maybe inspired me as I messaged my CO through Facebook this morning. I worded it very carefully, nothing creepy. I just said I didn't expect a reply and wouldn't be offended if he didn't respond but asked when his new album would come out and said I was looking forward to it. Since sending it I've felt a gnawing anxiety as what I now realise what I said about not being bothered about a response is not completely true. I worry that if I never hear back I'm going to feel embarrassed and rejected, and hurt. Irrational as that is. He's never met me so how can it be a personal rejection? That knowledge won't change how I feel though. maybe I shouldn't have done it and hang my fragile emotional state on whether a man responds to my FB message or not :( What's done is done I guess.

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6 hours ago, posie_riot said:

I'm glad to see someone else say that, because this is how I feel and I don't know how it comes across. My CO will have a special place in my heart forever, but let's face it...through no real choice of my own, he probably won't receive the final rose. (Stop me, stop me now...this is going south...)

In all seriousness, I feel a true love connection (FFS, this is getting worse) with my CO, but I do think that I could also have a love connection with someone else someday without forcing my CO to ride off sobbing in a limo (I can't stop...I'm out of control).

I have not been drinking (truly). 

You forgot to say that you're ready to take this "amazing journey" with someone. ?

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@posie_riot I agree with you that there's probably several (maybe even hundreds of) potential soulmates for everyone. I definitely don't think you're polyamorous for believing there could be someone other than your CO out there for you! Because although it seems quite rare for people to actually end up with the perfect partner for them, it still does happen from time to time. If there really was only one person for everyone, the odds would be about a billion to one!

You're right that there's no real reason why I should feel that calling my CO my soulmate is disrespectful. Again I think that the way I feel about this is very much influenced by my past experience. The guy I loved was extremely intelligent, handsome, charming and charismatic. After finding out that I fancied him ( I didn't even know he had found out until a couple of years later), he never once talked to me again and couldn't even look me in the eye anymore. Oh and he also started dating another girl shortly afterwards... So of course 16 year old me was cursing myself for being stupid enough to believe that someone like him could ever be my "one true love". The result: extremely low self-esteem, leading to me making an humungously id!otic mistake a year or two later...

Though I've learned a lot of lessons from all that and my opinion of myself is not as low as it was then, I think I still have a bit of an issue with not believing I'm good enough to be with a decent man (especially my CO). I do recognise now that the high school guy was not the wonderful person I thought he was. It's true he was very academically gifted, good looking and charming, but none of those things are that important in the grand scheme of things. He was also very emotionally immature, lacking in empathy, and I think secretly quite messed up inside. He wasn't really "too good" for me after all - in a lot of ways, I actually had a lucky escape.

My brain now realises that I am worthy of a happy romantic relationship. I suppose I'm just waiting for my heart to catch up with it!

Edited by OpalP25
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Hello again @mp3. :) I wouldn't worry at all about the message you sent your CO. He might be too busy to read or reply to it, but I'm sure if he does read it he'll appreciate it very much. As what you wrote was very well-thought through, there's no chance of him thinking badly of you. So try not to stress yourself out too much over this, but I know it must be difficult!

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4 hours ago, mp3 said:

Hello, I'm back again (though have been lurking on and off since my original post above.) Reading about people's positive encounters with their COs maybe inspired me as I messaged my CO through Facebook this morning. I worded it very carefully, nothing creepy. I just said I didn't expect a reply and wouldn't be offended if he didn't respond but asked when his new album would come out and said I was looking forward to it. Since sending it I've felt a gnawing anxiety as what I now realise what I said about not being bothered about a response is not completely true. I worry that if I never hear back I'm going to feel embarrassed and rejected, and hurt. Irrational as that is. He's never met me so how can it be a personal rejection? That knowledge won't change how I feel though. maybe I shouldn't have done it and hang my fragile emotional state on whether a man responds to my FB message or not :( What's done is done I guess.

Hi there! I understand how you feel. For the most part, I try not to contact my COs at all although I did send a message to my CO recently. In my defense, it was because they told the fans to message him to receive a special picture... We knew it was a joke, but of course some of us still went ahead and did it. ? Try not to view not getting a response as a personal rejection. Some of them don't even manage their own accounts or have time to check them often.

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@OpalP25 I'm so sorry you had that experience (in your reply to @posie_riot) that sucks.  That your brain now realizes that you're worthy of a happy romantic relationship is so much more than half the battle.  Your heart will eventually catch up.  A slight variation of what I said to you yesterday...when it's time, your heart won't/can't be stopped. It will make all of these decisions for you and you will be helplessly along for the ride. ? (One of these days, I'm going to go to battle with @HopelessRomantic2011 over her username...she's just lucky I didn't think of it first!! :cheesy:)

 

 

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3 hours ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Hi there! I understand how you feel. For the most part, I try not to contact my COs at all although I did send a message to my CO recently. In my defense, it was because they told the fans to message him to receive a special picture... We knew it was a joke, but of course some of us still went ahead and did it. ? Try not to view not getting a response as a personal rejection. Some of them don't even manage their own accounts or have time to check them often.

 

4 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

Hello again @mp3. :) I wouldn't worry at all about the message you sent your CO. He might be too busy to read or reply to it, but I'm sure if he does read it he'll appreciate it very much. As what you wrote was very well-thought through, there's no chance of him thinking badly of you. So try not to stress yourself out too much over this, but I know it must be difficult!

Thank you both for your supportive posts. My CO did in fact respond to my message, which I honestly didn't expect and to say I was chuffed would be an understatement. Everything I've read about him suggests he's a genuinely nice person so I'm glad that image I have of him still holds up. 

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8 hours ago, mp3 said:

Hello, I'm back again (though have been lurking on and off since my original post above.) Reading about people's positive encounters with their COs maybe inspired me as I messaged my CO through Facebook this morning. I worded it very carefully, nothing creepy. I just said I didn't expect a reply and wouldn't be offended if he didn't respond but asked when his new album would come out and said I was looking forward to it. Since sending it I've felt a gnawing anxiety as what I now realise what I said about not being bothered about a response is not completely true. I worry that if I never hear back I'm going to feel embarrassed and rejected, and hurt. Irrational as that is. He's never met me so how can it be a personal rejection? That knowledge won't change how I feel though. maybe I shouldn't have done it and hang my fragile emotional state on whether a man responds to my FB message or not :( What's done is done I guess.

Oh man....I did this 3 years ago...I understand your anxiety.  Let me explain what happened to me so I can reassure myself (again) that it wasn't a personal rejection ?

My CO is not very famous at all.  There's no reason he should not have had enough time to respond.  Still, I would say this to anyone else who reached out to anyone, no matter how famous they are....being a performer (no matter how famous or not) can be scary business because there are crazy people out there, and I would certainly want him to be careful.  I know I'm not the crazy type, but he doesn't know that, and he didn't know me.  If he didn't want to respond to someone he didn't know, I understand.  Furthermore, what I didn't realize when I sent the message through Facebook...I didn't completely understand Facebook privacy settings.  I found his page through a family member who's name he allowed fans to know, and of course he was on her friend list.  I didn't think he even had a Facebook page...I said that in my first post here...he didn't turn up when I searched for one.  When I finally found his page, I would have (stupidly) sent him a friend request, but there was no option to do so. All this can be explained now.  I'll get to that in a minute.  There was, however, an option to send him a private message...so I did.  I didn't tell him I love him or anything creepy like that.  I only said I didn't see an option to send a friend request but would like to and that I've loved his music for a very long time.  Boom, that was it.  I regretted sending it as soon as I clicked "post"  (or whatever the button says.) For the next 2-3 weeks, I wasn't sure if I should hope he'd respond or not.  I broke out in an anxiety attack every time I went to Facebook....and that little messenger icon was always lit up because I was constantly chatting with another FB friend at that time.  Every time I clicked that I was holding my breath.  Needless to say, I never got a response from him. ?

Here's the explanation:  he had his FB privacy settings such that one had to be a friend of one of his friends to be able to request his friendship.  That happened about 8 months later; I became a friend of one of his friends.  I didn't yet realize that was the reason though...I didn't understand why I was suddenly able to send him a friend request, but by then I no longer wanted to.  What I still don't know is, I don't know if he was even able to receive that message from me since I wasn't "a friend of a friend" at that time.  And I'm just going to assume he couldn't (and if anyone knows differently, please just don't tell me. There are times I have to keep myself in the dark for sanity.) ?

I hope you have better luck, @mp3 ... but if your CO doesn't respond, please don't despair, and please don't take it personally.  There's no reason to take it personally.  He probably gets tons of messages and maybe he really is too busy to answer all of it if he's working on releasing a new album.   I know my words will be little consolation because I remember how I felt, but we're here for you if you start to have anxiety attacks.  In the meantime, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!! 

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2 minutes ago, mp3 said:

 

Thank you both for your supportive posts. My CO did in fact respond to my message, which I honestly didn't expect and to say I was chuffed would be an understatement. Everything I've read about him suggests he's a genuinely nice person so I'm glad that image I have of him still holds up. 

OMG!! Ignore everything I said above!! That's great news!! Good for you!! ?☀️??

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4 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

Oh man....I did this 3 years ago...I understand your anxiety.  Let me explain what happened to me so I can reassure myself (again) that it wasn't a personal rejection ?

My CO is not very famous at all.  There's no reason he should not have had enough time to respond.  Still, I would say this to anyone else who reached out to anyone, no matter how famous they are....being a performer (no matter how famous or not) can be scary business because there are crazy people out there, and I would certainly want him to be careful.  I know I'm not the crazy type, but he doesn't know that, and he didn't know me.  If he didn't want to respond to someone he didn't know, I understand.  Furthermore, what I didn't realize when I sent the message through Facebook...I didn't completely understand Facebook privacy settings.  I found his page through a family member who's name he allowed fans to know, and of course he was on her friend list.  I didn't think he even had a Facebook page...I said that in my first post here...he didn't turn up when I searched for one.  When I finally found his page, I would have (stupidly) sent him a friend request, but there was no option to do so. All this can be explained now.  I'll get to that in a minute.  There was, however, an option to send him a private message...so I did.  I didn't tell him I love him or anything creepy like that.  I only said I didn't see an option to send a friend request but would like to and that I've loved his music for a very long time.  Boom, that was it.  I regretted sending it as soon as I clicked "post"  (or whatever the button says.) For the next 2-3 weeks, I wasn't sure if I should hope he'd respond or not.  I broke out in an anxiety attack every time I went to Facebook....and that little messenger icon was always lit up because I was constantly chatting with another FB friend at that time.  Every time I clicked that I was holding my breath.  Needless to say, I never got a response from him. ?

Here's the explanation:  he had his FB privacy settings such that one had to be a friend of one of his friends to be able to request his friendship.  That happened about 8 months later; I became a friend of one of his friends.  I didn't yet realize that was the reason though...I didn't understand why I was suddenly able to send him a friend request, but by then I no longer wanted to.  What I still don't know is, I don't know if he was even able to receive that message from me since I wasn't "a friend of a friend" at that time.  And I'm just going to assume he couldn't (and if anyone knows differently, please just don't tell me. There are times I have to keep myself in the dark for sanity.) ?

I hope you have better luck, @mp3 ... but if your CO doesn't respond, please don't despair, and please don't take it personally.  There's no reason to take it personally.  He probably gets tons of messages and maybe he really is too busy to answer all of it if he's working on releasing a new album.   I know my words will be little consolation because I remember how I felt, but we're here for you if you start to have anxiety attacks.  In the meantime, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!! 

Audrey, thank you so much for your post and I'm sorry to hear your CO didn't write back to you. I do think there's a good chance he didn't get your message and it sounds like what you wrote was perfectly sweet and non-creepy so I don't see why he'd read it but not reply.

The anxiety you felt is totally what I'd have been feeling too. Even though we know in our minds it makes no sense we still do it to ourselves don't we?

I'm so glad this thread is here so we can support each other. No one else could understand what we're going through. 

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8 minutes ago, mp3 said:

Audrey, thank you so much for your post and I'm sorry to hear your CO didn't write back to you. I do think there's a good chance he didn't get your message and it sounds like what you wrote was perfectly sweet and non-creepy so I don't see why he'd read it but not reply.

The anxiety you felt is totally what I'd have been feeling too. Even though we know in our minds it makes no sense we still do it to ourselves don't we?

I'm so glad this thread is here so we can support each other. No one else could understand what we're going through. 

It's OK....it's all forgiven.  I got to meet him last week. :icon12: None of that matters now!  Everything worked out for both of us.   

And yes, it's great that this thread is here.  The support that comes from it can't be overstated. :thumbsup:

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12 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

@posie_riot I agree with you that there's probably several (maybe even hundreds of) potential soulmates for everyone. I definitely don't think you're polyamorous for believing there could be someone other than your CO out there for you! Because although it seems quite rare for people to actually end up with the perfect partner for them, it still does happen from time to time. If there really was only one person for everyone, the odds would be about a billion to one!

You're right that there's no real reason why I should feel that calling my CO my soulmate is disrespectful. Again I think that the way I feel about this is very much influenced by my past experience. The guy I loved was extremely intelligent, handsome, charming and charismatic. After finding out that I fancied him ( I didn't even know he had found out until a couple of years later), he never once talked to me again and couldn't even look me in the eye anymore. Oh and he also started dating another girl shortly afterwards... So of course 16 year old me was cursing myself for being stupid enough to believe that someone like him could ever be my "one true love". The result: extremely low self-esteem, leading to me making an humungously id!otic mistake a year or two later...

Though I've learned a lot of lessons from all that and my opinion of myself is not as low as it was then, I think I still have a bit of an issue with not believing I'm good enough to be with a decent man (especially my CO). I do recognise now that the high school guy was not the wonderful person I thought he was. It's true he was very academically gifted, good looking and charming, but none of those things are that important in the grand scheme of things. He was also very emotionally immature, lacking in empathy, and I think secretly quite messed up inside. He wasn't really "too good" for me after all - in a lot of ways, I actually had a lucky escape.

My brain now realises that I am worthy of a happy romantic relationship. I suppose I'm just waiting for my heart to catch up with it!

So of course 16 year old me was cursing myself for being stupid enough to believe that someone like him could ever be my "one true love". The result: extremely low self-esteem, leading to me making an humungously id!otic mistake a year or two later...

I have learned the hard way that trying to talk yourself out of feeling a certain way using logic only causes more pain. It's especially painful when the logic isn't logical (I.e calling yourself "stupid"). You can't convince yourself to love someone, and you can't convince yourself not to love someone.

You can't prepare yourself for heartbreak. When I got hurt by my CO, I thought: How could I have been so stupid to become so emotionally invested in a man who was never going to return my feelings? That's self-punishment, and it's pointless. We feel what we feel. The heart wants what the heart wants. You can't make a rational decision not to become emotionally invested in someone. There's nothing "stupid" about loving another person. You can't talk yourself out of loving someone. Either you feel something or you don't, and there's no "fault" involved either way. You could believe with all your heart and soul that your CO is the one, and even if he rejected the idea, it would say nothing bad about you. 

I'm no longer blaming myself for what I went through with my CO, but for a long time I did. Don't make that same mistake, especially before anything heartbreaking has even happened. 

Edited by posie_riot
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Hi everyone! I posted a few times a while ago but since joining this forum and getting notification emails every day, and reading through posts has made an impact in my daily life, I no longer feel like a freak since finding out that more people are going through the same thing as me...

I'm not in a good place right now. I've had a few days off work and I ended up spending my time catching up on news about my CO and that's a bottomless pit, if I fall down the rabbit hole it is hell to get out of it...

But I came here to ask: what are your favorite works of art/media about unrequited love? This may be strange but I like watching movies, listening to songs and reading books and poems about it. It always makes me hopeful that the character will end up with the person they're in love with? Even though most media is about 'normal' people and not CO's.

A personal favorite is a strange little French movie called He Loves Me... He Loves Me Not with Audrey Tautou.

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21 hours ago, BattleScars said:

Hi everyone! I posted a few times a while ago but since joining this forum and getting notification emails every day, and reading through posts has made an impact in my daily life, I no longer feel like a freak since finding out that more people are going through the same thing as me...

I'm not in a good place right now. I've had a few days off work and I ended up spending my time catching up on news about my CO and that's a bottomless pit, if I fall down the rabbit hole it is hell to get out of it...

But I came here to ask: what are your favorite works of art/media about unrequited love? This may be strange but I like watching movies, listening to songs and reading books and poems about it. It always makes me hopeful that the character will end up with the person they're in love with? Even though most media is about 'normal' people and not CO's.

A personal favorite is a strange little French movie called He Loves Me... He Loves Me Not with Audrey Tautou.

You've come to the right place!  Here are some of my favorite songs about unrequited love

*links removed*

I've had 50 years to think of unrequited love songs :icon12:

 

 

 

Edited by Natasha1
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19 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

You've come to the right place!  Here are some of my favorite songs about unrequited love

*links removed*

 

I've had 50 years to think of unrequited love songs :icon12:

 

 

 

I'm so embarrassed that I forgot to include this one:

- Earth, Wind & Fire

Edited by Natasha1
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6 hours ago, BattleScars said:

Hi everyone! I posted a few times a while ago but since joining this forum and getting notification emails every day, and reading through posts has made an impact in my daily life, I no longer feel like a freak since finding out that more people are going through the same thing as me...

I'm not in a good place right now. I've had a few days off work and I ended up spending my time catching up on news about my CO and that's a bottomless pit, if I fall down the rabbit hole it is hell to get out of it...

But I came here to ask: what are your favorite works of art/media about unrequited love? This may be strange but I like watching movies, listening to songs and reading books and poems about it. It always makes me hopeful that the character will end up with the person they're in love with? Even though most media is about 'normal' people and not CO's.

A personal favorite is a strange little French movie called He Loves Me... He Loves Me Not with Audrey Tautou.

I discovered an Australian poet called Beau Taplin late last year. He writes about love in many forms, loss and finding yourself. He is responsible for the quote in my signature. I bought two of his books which I love and I normally am not a poetry fan. You can find him on Facebook where he usually posts something every day. 

I'm sorry you're not in a good place at the moment. That rabbit hole is quite hard to get out of and we are here to help if you need it. :hugs:

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On 2/26/2017 at 3:24 AM, posie_riot said:

I believe that everyone deserves better than unreciprocated love too. In a perfect world we would all get to be with our soulmates, our feelings would be perfectly reciprocated, and we would all live happily ever after. Even though I do pretty much see my CO as a soulmate, I'm not closed off to the idea of finding a soulmate in another person. I don't think that my CO is the only person I could ever be happy with. This probably makes me sound polyamorous lol, but I don't see it that way. It's a complex issue, I suppose. Gosh, I sound like I'm on The Bachelorette (American reality show...not to be recommended). 

 

I am a firm believer in soulmates on different levels. My best friend is my soulmate in a completely different way to the feeling my CO gives me. I love her, I get her and she gets me. She is the only person in real life I could actually consider talking to about this because of our connection, she is someone who can restore my soul just by being in her presence.

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On 2/24/2017 at 3:58 AM, After Rain said:

I'm curious...do you guys think it's more difficult to see the CO that is on your mind every waking moment (either in a pleasant or painful way) as part of the Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder spectrum than, say, the more "well known" OCD manifestations of obsessive cleaning, counting, self grooming, symmetry, etc? And if so, why?

I never considered myself to have OCD before I found this thread in this part of the forum. I don't think my CO is a manifestation of my OCD, rather everything that surrounds it is. Someone mentioned earlier in the thread (I'm sorry, I can't think who it was) about being obsessed with particular events and I am similar - I have quite an obsession with the Titanic story and the JFK assassination. For me, the OCD is the obsessive need to know everything about my CO, see the latest pics of him and know the latest info. This is what causes the depression and anxiety I already have to worsen. But it is a compulsion to have that info and I work hard most days to keep it in check. Like Audrey, I believe I'm in love with my CO. When I joined this board, I said I'd had COs in the past (and some not so celebrity obsessions) but with hindsight, I can say they were never like this. I never claimed to love any of them, I never had the need to know everything about them. I didn't care if they were married/dating because I never envisaged myself with them. With him, I do. And that, to anyone outside of this thread, would make me a ridiculous middle-aged fantasist which is why I work very hard to hide it in my every day life.

@Audrey822 - I had a similar problem with yarn. I took up knitting again in 2006 and have spent a lot of money on yarn. There were definitely times when I bought yarn for fear of missing out on it. These days the buying is very much under control (lack of money will do that) but I do still knit a lot and I have enough to keep me busy for a few years.

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