Jump to content

Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


Recommended Posts

ARRRRGGGGHH I need to find a way to remove all romantic and sexual attraction to women!

Making me attracted to women is a cruel cruel trick the universe insists on playing on me as I already realised years ago I'm undateable. My CO was a safety mechanism. If I must be attracted to someone make it someone I'll never meet so I can get on with life, interract with people in a normal way and feel no pressure in how I behave. I'd rather be someone who has accepted his fate than the loser who keeps making ever more pathetic attempts.

Well, the safety mechanism has just failed as I have now started working with the world's most beautiful woman apart from my CO and her and her flatmate keep inviting me to things where she proves herself super charming, sweet, fun to hang around with etc. as well.

I wish I could just accept single life, focus on work and hobbies, and be done with it. No CO, no real life interest in any woman I ever meet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm curious...do you guys think it's more difficult to see the CO that is on your mind every waking moment (either in a pleasant or painful way) as part of the Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder spectrum than, say, the more "well known" OCD manifestations of obsessive cleaning, counting, self grooming, symmetry, etc? And if so, why?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, After Rain said:

I'm curious...do you guys think it's more difficult to see the CO that is on your mind every waking moment (either in a pleasant or painful way) as part of the Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder spectrum than, say, the more "well known" OCD manifestations of obsessive cleaning, counting, self grooming, symmetry, etc? And if so, why?

Thoughts about my CO have nothing to do with OCD.  I know people think I'm crazy when I say this, but I think of my CO because I love him.  OCD used to come into play when I felt compelled to Google (fear of missing out on something, without weighing the risk of seeing something I didn't want to see.)  Same applied to Facebook searches.  OCD is also a factor in self-punishment which used to be a bigger problem than it currently is, and when I used to engage in it, I might use my CO in ways to punish myself.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Audrey822 said:

Thoughts about my CO have nothing to do with OCD.  I know people think I'm crazy when I say this, but I think of my CO because I love him.  OCD used to come into play when I felt compelled to Google (fear of missing out on something, without weighing the risk of seeing something I didn't want to see.)  Same applied to Facebook searches.  OCD is also a factor in self-punishment which used to be a bigger problem than it currently is, and when I used to engage in it, I might use my CO in ways to punish myself.  

All of this applies to me too. 

I'm still doing a lot of self-punishing though, and that's absolutely OCD-related in my case. I used to experience a lot of intrusive thoughts about my CO and his girlfriend/fiancee/wife/whatever being together intimately (not just sexually, but romantically too). I don't think of that as much anymore, but I do still obsessively compare myself to her. 

I have experienced many other more "traditional" symptoms of OCD in my lifetime (like all the ones you mentioned, plus more) and I feel like I have to separate my feelings for my CO from that. My CO isn't really a symptom of OCD on his own. I fell for him in a fairly normal and legitimate way, and then my OCD took over and caused a lot of anxiety and pain. The more I think about all this, the more complicated I realize it is. Where does the line get drawn between what is a normal amount of pain that comes with being in love with someone you can't have, and an OCD level of pain? I guess it comes down to obsessive over-analyzing, intrusive thoughts, self-punishment, extreme rationalization, thinking in circles, needing to know information that I know will hurt me instead of just avoiding it (I've conquered this for the most part...but I know how fragile I am). OCD does play a role in this obsession for me, but not in as direct of a way as it might seem to someone who doesn't know my whole story. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, MysteryName said:

ARRRRGGGGHH I need to find a way to remove all romantic and sexual attraction to women!

Making me attracted to women is a cruel cruel trick the universe insists on playing on me as I already realised years ago I'm undateable. My CO was a safety mechanism. If I must be attracted to someone make it someone I'll never meet so I can get on with life, interract with people in a normal way and feel no pressure in how I behave. I'd rather be someone who has accepted his fate than the loser who keeps making ever more pathetic attempts.

Well, the safety mechanism has just failed as I have now started working with the world's most beautiful woman apart from my CO and her and her flatmate keep inviting me to things where she proves herself super charming, sweet, fun to hang around with etc. as well.

I wish I could just accept single life, focus on work and hobbies, and be done with it. No CO, no real life interest in any woman I ever meet.

This woman and her flatmate must enjoy your company if they keep inviting you to do things! What makes you think you're undateable?

I understand what you mean about your CO functioning as a safety mechanism. My CO provided me with a safe outlet for romance and companionship too (through fantasy). That's not all he was to me (and I know your CO is more than that for you too), but this is a very welcome side effect of falling for someone out of reach. Is there anything stopping you from pursuing a woman in real life who shows interest in you? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@After Rain That's an interesting question. I've never been diagnosed with OCD, but I do have some signs of it. One thing I know for sure though is that I'm an extremely obsessive person and always have been. And that's definitely what's caused me to have this CO as well as my past ones. It's not the only reason - events that happened in my life have led me to use this as coping mechanism to escape from the real world. However, I'm pretty sure that were I not an obsessive person, I would have found a different way of coping with these things and wouldn't be in this situation now. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't believe people with non-obsessive brains often end up experiencing enduring romantic obsessions with celebrities who they have no chance of a relationship with!

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, MysteryName said:

ARRRRGGGGHH I need to find a way to remove all romantic and sexual attraction to women!

Making me attracted to women is a cruel cruel trick the universe insists on playing on me as I already realised years ago I'm undateable. My CO was a safety mechanism. If I must be attracted to someone make it someone I'll never meet so I can get on with life, interract with people in a normal way and feel no pressure in how I behave. I'd rather be someone who has accepted his fate than the loser who keeps making ever more pathetic attempts.

Well, the safety mechanism has just failed as I have now started working with the world's most beautiful woman apart from my CO and her and her flatmate keep inviting me to things where she proves herself super charming, sweet, fun to hang around with etc. as well.

I wish I could just accept single life, focus on work and hobbies, and be done with it. No CO, no real life interest in any woman I ever meet.

 

5 hours ago, posie_riot said:

This woman and her flatmate must enjoy your company if they keep inviting you to do things! What makes you think you're undateable?

I understand what you mean about your CO functioning as a safety mechanism. My CO provided me with a safe outlet for romance and companionship too (through fantasy). That's not all he was to me (and I know your CO is more than that for you too), but this is a very welcome side effect of falling for someone out of reach. Is there anything stopping you from pursuing a woman in real life who shows interest in you? 

I meant to respond to you last night @MysteryName ...I'm not sure what distracted me (or maybe I do, but let's not talk about that ?) ....anyway, I'm here now. If I had responded last night, I would have said pretty much exactly what @posie_riot said. That beautiful woman and her flatmate wouldn't keep inviting you over if you were as awful as you make yourself out to be (what have I been telling you? ?) May I encourage you to accept the offer they're extending? You never know what will happen if you don't try. 

I believe in you! Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

@After Rain That's an interesting question. I've never been diagnosed with OCD, but I do have some signs of it. One thing I know for sure though is that I'm an extremely obsessive person and always have been. And that's definitely what's caused me to have this CO as well as my past ones. It's not the only reason - events that happened in my life have led me to use this as coping mechanism to escape from the real world. However, I'm pretty sure that were I not an obsessive person, I would have found a different way of coping with these things and wouldn't be in this situation now. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't believe people with non-obsessive brains often end up experiencing enduring romantic obsessions with celebrities who they have no chance of a relationship with!

 

@OpalP25 Your post has me thinking.  There’s a lot of “me” in it, but a lot of differences as well.  Some of this will be a repeat of things I’ve said before, but these things are necessary to repeat to adequately address the necessary points in your post.

I am an extremely obsessive person, no doubt about it.  I’m being seen by two mental health professionals, a therapist and a psych doc, and both have agreed:  I’m definitely OCD (again, the examples given to them had nothing to do with my CO.)  OCD is especially obvious when I take up a new interest.  I’ve recently used the example to someone of what happened when I first learned how to crochet.  You couldn’t have kept me out of craft stores, and I wanted all the yarn!!  I had so many projects I wanted to do!!  This was maybe 9 or 10 years ago, and if I had stayed with it, I would probably still be working on all of those projects, I had so many picked out!!  When we bought our house, what used to be a covered carport was turned into a workroom…that room was becoming overrun with bins of yarn. :cheesy: I eventually stopped when I got overwhelmed.  That’s what always happens.  I get overwhelmed because I go too far and I just can’t keep up with it all.   I still crochet occasionally, but it’s under control now.  

My OCD was manifested in what I did when I realized I could look up information about my CO on the Internet.  Even after getting devastatingly hurt once — twice — even after three times — I kept going back.  Something kept luring me back (pssst….Google awaits! You might be missing something!  Check out Facebook….there’s probably a picture of him somewhere that you don’t have!  You have to have all the pictures or you won’t be able to breathe!) <<That’s OCD. 

I’m not going to challenge that some people have COs due to OCD.  I’ve said myself that this thread is in this part of the forum for a reason.  Many people have said they have had multiple COs over the course of their lives.  When my CO — the one I’ve spoken of here for 3+ years — when he went missing for decades at a time and he only lived in my imagination, I also had to compensate in my real life.  I had crushes on a few other celebrities.  It may be evidence that I’m no different, and I needed that “something” that everyone else needs.  I will continue to maintain, however….all the others paled in comparison.   That’s why I refer to them as mere “crushes”  I can’t call them “COs” and I can’t say I ever “loved” them.  I would not have said it at the time either.  I probably would have always just said “I have a crush on this or that guy because I think he’s very cute or nice-looking.”  It never bothered me at all when I learned any of them had a girlfriend or got married….not even if I heard about it during the time I was in the midst of having a crush on them.  And, invariably….with the sole exception of Paul McCartney who preceded my CO, and the former QB of my football team….every other one makes me cringe to think I said that about them!! ? (OMG, I thought he was cute?? What was I thinking?? ?)

I said in my response to @After Rain that some people might think I’m crazy for saying I love my CO (and others might not.  Some have also said they love their COs. I know you've also said that @OpalP25)  This might also make me sound crazy, but I don’t think it’s true that I have no chance to have a relationship with my CO…there are obstacles in between us, sure.  But those obstacles could be overcome, a few of them could be overcome with a lot of effort on my part (which I’m reluctant to make…I’d have to be willing to take a huge risk.)  Here’s more Crazy Town talk:  I’m not going to spell all of them out publicly, but there are too many “coincidences” between that man and me … my intuition tells me those “coincidences” exist for a reason.  And I loved him before I knew any of that. :icon12:  I love him because I chose him to “save” me when, as a very young girl,  I needed a fantasy world to go to… so I could escape the horror that was the reality going on outside my bedroom door.  I don’t think that choice was accidental.  Fate puts us where we need to be.  Years later, I could have reacted the same way about him as I did about all the others….when I saw him for the first time after 10 years, I might have thought “OMG, what was I thinking??”  And again, 17 years after that....and after another 14 years after that.  But no.  I fell in love all over again, each and every time I've ever seen him.:icon12:  That’s how it was every time I saw him…even now that he’s an older man and people would probably say to me “what are you thinking?”  I still love him. :icon12: 

It’s not OCD.   My therapist knows it’s not OCD.  She knows I love him for a very good reason.  She’s tried and tried to pull me away, but she knows better now….she understands that she’s lost that battle.  She knows I really and truly love him, and she knows why.  I trust a mental health professional to get that right.  

Edited by Audrey822
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Audrey822 I meant the "no chance at a relationship" thing in a general sense - I should have really said "very small chance". Of course many of us here have a little bit of hope that something could happen, and you probably have the best hope out of all of us as you have a more accessible CO than most of us. I also believe that it's not completely impossible that I could end up with mine, and it's actually that small bit of belief that continues to fuel my obsession. 

I do feel that I love my CO. He's a truly lovely guy, and I admire and care about him a huge amount. But I can't bring myself to say that he's my true love or that this is the real thing or anything like that. It just feels almost disrespectful to him (this is just how I feel, definitely not saying anyone else here should feel the same). At the end of the day, he doesn't know me at all and I don't know him, not really. I don't even know for sure what his sexual orientation is, and that's certainly something that could potentially put paid to any of my ideas of us being a couple, lol! Obviously I hope that if I met him, he could turn out to be the love of my life. But I just don't feel comfortable saying that he's the one or anything like that when we don't actually know each other. 

That's just my own situation though. I completely understand that your situation is very different to mine, of course. We all experience having a CO differently, and it's always interesting for me to read what everyone here has to say. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

I do feel that I love my CO. He's a truly lovely guy, and I admire and care about him a huge amount. But I can't bring myself to say that he's my true love or that this is the real thing or anything like that. It just feels almost disrespectful to him (this is just how I feel, definitely not saying anyone else here should feel the same). 

I'm curious about why you feel this way, if you don't mind talking about it or expanding on it. I think I'm curious because I've been paranoid in the past about possibly disrespecting my CO. In my case, I was trying to balance my love for him as a person with my jealousy at seeing him with another woman. I always worried that being jealous of his relationships was disrespectful or somehow wrong, but I don't think I ever thought that the love itself or the intensity of the love I felt for him was disrespectful. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

44 minutes ago, posie_riot said:

I always worried that being jealous of his relationships was disrespectful or somehow wrong, but I don't think I ever thought that the love itself or the intensity of the love I felt for him was disrespectful. 

Not to butt in on the discussion you're having with Opal, but I don't think being jealous of his relationships is disrespectful or wrong either.  Those are emotions you feel as a direct result of the way you feel about him.  Your love for him is the reason why you feel jealous seeing him with someone else.  If you acted out on that jealousy in a way that would be disrespectful that would be different...but if you're just suffering in silence, you're not being disrespectful to anyone.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@posie_riot The reason I would feel it was a bit disrespectful to my CO to call him my true love is because I think of true love as being a two-sided thing, and I have no idea whether or not he would feel the same way about me if we actually met (being realistic, it's unlikely he would). However I don't find the fact that I have feelings for him disrespectful at all in itself.

I've always hoped and believed that the love of my life would be someone who felt the same about me, and I still continue to have that belief, despite everything. Because I want to believe that I do deserve better than a love that's not reciprocated. We all do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

@posie_riot The reason I would feel it was a bit disrespectful to my CO to call him my true love is because I think of true love as being a two-sided thing, and I have no idea whether or not he would feel the same way about me if we actually met (being realistic, it's unlikely he would). However I don't find the fact that I have feelings for him disrespectful at all in itself.

I've always hoped and believed that the love of my life would be someone who felt the same about me, and I still continue to have that belief, despite everything. Because I want to believe that I do deserve better than a love that's not reciprocated. We all do.

Makes sense to me. I also feel that it wouldn't do justice to any of my COs to say that I love them because as a fan, I've only seen a small fraction of who they are. What about all the other things about them that make them THEM that I don't know about? It would be presumptuous of me to think that I've seen enough of who they really are to genuinely say that I love them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

@posie_riot The reason I would feel it was a bit disrespectful to my CO to call him my true love is because I think of true love as being a two-sided thing, and I have no idea whether or not he would feel the same way about me if we actually met (being realistic, it's unlikely he would). However I don't find the fact that I have feelings for him disrespectful at all in itself.

I've always hoped and believed that the love of my life would be someone who felt the same about me, and I still continue to have that belief, despite everything. Because I want to believe that I do deserve better than a love that's not reciprocated. We all do.

I want this for you, too, @OpalP25. Who wouldn't want that? I would have, but it didn't happen that way. It doesn't always, no matter what we think we deserve. ? I would say that in all areas of my life (except the wonderful children God blessed me with) I'm living proof that the universe doesn't care what we "deserve"....I would hate to look back on my life and think I deserved most of what I had to endure. ?

Enough of that.

This is just my own personal opinion, but I don't think it's necessarily accurate to say true love cannot exist without reciprocity.  The following is my case for this claim of mine:

There are countless stories of unrequited love, along with tens of thousands of songs, novels, movies, and poems that have been written on the subject. Those songs, poems, etc. we're written by people who, no doubt, understand the idea of truly loving someone who didn't reciprocate. Maybe they didn't stick it out for as long as I did…but all the while I continued to love this man I consider my “true love” I didn’t just sit around doing nothing.  

Warning:  more repetition to follow 

My story is ridiculously unusual in many ways. For most this love story, the Internet didn’t exist. After 1972 until I saw my CO again in 1982 at a concert of the band he belongs to, I didn’t know anything at all about him.  He continued to exist in my imagination, but if anyone had asked me to prove his then-current existence anywhere else on the face of the Earth, I could not have done so.  My reaction to seeing him again took me by surprise, quite honestly.  I didn’t know what to expect, but I didn’t expect to fall in love all over again….but I did. :icon12:  It was as if no time at all had passed between 1972 and 1982; my heart just picked up where it left off.  And then I didn’t see him again until 1999 on a website I searched to find.  But before I talked about that, I should have mentioned that I expected to see him at a concert of the same band in 1995….but without access to the Internet, I didn’t know he had taken a hiatus from them; he was doing something else at that time.  When the band came out without him, I was literally sick (I was worried something might have happened to him.)  It was a free concert, and that was a good thing, because I couldn’t stay….I made an excuse to leave before they finished their second song.  After finding that website in 1999, the next encounter is the one that knocked me off the table for good…and it led to the reason I’m here.  It coincided with finding his music on iTunes in 2013…and that light bulb moment when I realized what I should have figured out long before that: OMG, I can find him on the Internet now!  Only I went too far, got hurt and here I am.  ?

The point is, he wasn’t available to me as he is now for all of those 50 years, and I didn't really just sit around waiting, doing nothing else. I'm a married woman with children, and I had the career that I wanted. (The children are worth the world, the marriage...not so much.)

When I got hurt by what I learned in 2013, I began analyzing everything in my life because it blew me away that such a thing could hurt me like that.  It was then that I realized how much I’ve always loved this man. :icon12:  I couldn’t have been hurt so intensely, so badly by someone I didn’t love just as intensely.  When I picked my life apart, I realized exactly why I loved him as I did, and it all made sense (it makes sense to my therapist too.)  It doesn’t matter if he never knows, it doesn’t matter if he never loves me back.  I love him, and I love him truly and deeply. :icon12:   

The heart wants what it wants….and it can’t be helped, no matter what other people do or want.  The heart doesn't ask "will he or she love you back?" before it falls. (That’s the brain’s job. Where love is concerned, we don't listen to our brains. ? )  In every relationship, someone has to say "I love you" first. Does that mean it's not "true love" if the other person doesn't respond "I love you too"?  ?

I feel I would be disrespecting my CO if I didn't say I truly love him…I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t love him….and if I truly love him, doesn't that make it "true love?" :icon12:

Edited by Audrey822
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Makes sense to me. I also feel that it wouldn't do justice to any of my COs to say that I love them because as a fan, I've only seen a small fraction of who they are. What about all the other things about them that make them THEM that I don't know about? It would be presumptuous of me to think that I've seen enough of who they really are to genuinely say that I love them.

I know a little something about loving people without knowing who they really are as well.  I know something about loving people in spite of who they really are as well.  (Same people...LOL)

When my babies were born, I knew absolutely nothing about them.  And yet, I would have gone through a burning building for them from the first moment they put those bundles in my arms.  By the time I could see "enough of who they really are" they were full-grown adults.  Of course you can say I had a lot to do with shaping who they became, but trust me when I say: you only have so much influence on them as a parent, and it might not always go as you planned it.  My children are wonderful, but there are many things about them I wish were different!!   Yet, I still love them. If those things were true about other young men their age, I might not even talk to them... but those two?  I love them with my heart and soul in spite of how much we disagree on politics, or how they insult my beloved football team and my favorite band (yes, the one with my CO in it  ? ) We disagree on almost everything, and they're not still teenagers!!   Loving them has nothing to do with "who they really are."  It doesn't matter.  I love them because I just do. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

47 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

I know a little something about loving people without knowing who they really are as well.  I know something about loving people in spite of who they really are as well.  (Same people...LOL)

When my babies were born, I knew absolutely nothing about them.  And yet, I would have gone through a burning building for them from the first moment they put those bundles in my arms.  By the time I could see "enough of who they really are" they were full-grown adults.  Of course you can say I had a lot to do with shaping who they became, but trust me when I say: you only have so much influence on them as a parent, and it might not always go as you planned it.  My children are wonderful, but there are many things about them I wish were different!!   Yet, I still love them. If those things were true about other young men their age, I might not even talk to them... but those two?  I love them with my heart and soul in spite of how much we disagree on politics, or how they insult my beloved football team and my favorite band (yes, the one with my CO in it  ? ) We disagree on almost everything, and they're not still teenagers!!   Loving them has nothing to do with "who they really are."  It doesn't matter.  I love them because I just do. 

Sure, I would hope that most (good) parents feel that way abut their children. But in terms of not really knowing other people, maybe that's something that I focus on because I know that I'm pretty hard to get to know myself. For example, even though I've been working at the same place for years, I would say that my coworkers barely know me and I don't really know them even though we're spending 8 hours a day together. The person who they see at work is only a small part of who I am. So if someone said, "I've seen enough of HopelessRomantic2011 at work to know that I love her," I would disagree with them. Heck, even a lot of my relatives don't truly know me, but they might feel like they love me just because we're related.

But once again, I'm not saying this to dispute how anyone else feels about their CO. I'm just discussing my own person feelings about loving someone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 minutes ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Sure, I would hope that most (good) parents feel that way abut their children. But in terms of not really knowing other people, maybe that's something that I focus on because I know that I'm pretty hard to get to know myself. For example, even though I've been working at the same place for years, I would say that my coworkers barely know me and I don't really know them even though we're spending 8 hours a day together. The person who they see at work is only a small part of who I am. So if someone said, "I've seen enough of HopelessRomantic2011 at work to know that I love her," I would disagree with them. Heck, even a lot of my relatives don't truly know me, but they might feel like they love me just because we're related.

But once again, I'm not saying this to dispute how anyone else feels about their CO. I'm just discussing my own person feelings about loving someone.

Another theory holds (I don't really dispute this either)... you can't really know someone until you live with them. Until then, you're not really seeing them with their guard down. I can't wait until then to decide if I truly love him or not...what I can tell you is, because I love him, I'd be able to look past a lot of the little annoyances that would be revealed to me when his guard would be let down. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

23 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

Another theory holds (I don't really dispute this either)... you can't really know someone until you live with them. Until then, you're not really seeing them with their guard down. I can't wait until then to decide if I truly love him or not...what I can tell you is, because I love him, I'd be able to look past a lot of the little annoyances that would be revealed to me when his guard would be let down. 

That's probably true. Yet I don't particularly feel like I would need to live with someone before marrying them, but I know a lot of people feel differently. And I would still marry my CO tomorrow even though we don't know each other. I'm willing to risk it! lol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@HopelessRomantic2011 I absolutely agree that it's impossible to truly know the heart and mind of a celebrity, or indeed anyone, without actually knowing them personally. Famous people present themselves in the media in the way they want the public to see them. We can get an overall impression of who they are, but we never see the full picture. I love finding out more about my CO, and reading/watching his interviews - nowadays he is very honest, insightful and funny in them. But of course I still don't know what he's really like to hang out with/ be friends with/ be in a relationship with. If I did, this would no longer be "celebrity obsession" but "obsession with someone I know"!

@Audrey822 Everyone has different viewpoints on the meaning of the phrase "true love". I have always seen it as a connection between two people, two halves of a whole. That's not to say that a one-sided love is not genuine or real. Of course it still is, and in that sense it's true love, as is any form of love. I love my family and a couple of my friends, but I wouldn't define that as "true love" even though it is if the phrase is interpreted in a literal sense. However for me, it means a deep romantic love between two people who are meant to be together. That's just my interpretation of it.

I think my view on this topic is heavily influenced by my experience of being in love with someone I did know for real. At the time, I believed so strongly that he was my true love and that we were destined for each other. Unfortunately, he only saw me as a friend who he flirted with occasionally, but who he definitely wasn't interested in having a romantic relationship with. We'd grown up together, we'd spent a fair amount of time together, we knew each other well. He even ended up finding out that I was interested in him. So the opportunity was definitely there for him to develop feelings for me. But even after all that, he did not fall for me the way I did for him. It took a long time for me to come to terms with it, but the fact of the matter is he did not love me, and was never going to.

I suppose the point I'm trying to make is this: no matter how strongly I felt about this guy, and no matter how convinced I was that he was the only one for me, he simply was not my true love. Because your true love is someone you're meant to be together with, and given his lack of romantic interest in me, it's clear we just weren't meant to be together.

So as much as I'd like to envisage a romantic future between myself and my CO, I can't call him my "true love". To me, that would imply that he returns my feelings. Which he obviously doesn't, as he's not aware that I even exist! Of course it's nice to believe that if we had the chance to get to know each other (like I did with my real life love), he would love me too. But there's no guarantee that that would happen. Not even the strength of my own feelings is a guarantee that that would happen (as I know all too well). For that reason, I cannot define this as "true love".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Audrey822 Another thought just came to me: I know that in your alternate universe your alter-ego and your CO are very much in love and are destined to be together forever. That's true love in every sense of the word. 

Maybe it is my lack of alter-ego which means I can't view my own situation with my CO in that way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

*emerges out of dumpster, spits out an apple core*

Does anyone else feel like they love their CO based on a perceived spiritual or emotional connection which is mostly unexplainable? 

Does anyone else have a CO that is severely flawed and actually presents himself badly in the media?

I might say more later. I think better at night. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

That's probably true. Yet I don't particularly feel like I would need to live with someone before marrying them, but I know a lot of people feel differently. And I would still marry my CO tomorrow even though we don't know each other. I'm willing to risk it! lol

Maybe I wasn't communicating that clearly...I wasn't suggesting it's necessary to live with someone before marrying him/her (I'm not opposed to the idea, but that wasn't what I was saying.) I think that may be the reason so many couples choose to do so, however.  I stand by the statement: you  can't know all you need to know about someone until you live with them.  It may be too late when you marry them (trust me.) 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, OpalP25 said:

@Audrey822 Another thought just came to me: I know that in your alternate universe your alter-ego and your CO are very much in love and are destined to be together forever. That's true love in every sense of the word. 

Maybe it is my lack of alter-ego which means I can't view my own situation with my CO in that way.

:icon12: Yes.  Thank you. :hugs:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, posie_riot said:

*emerges out of dumpster, spits out an apple core*

Does anyone else feel like they love their CO based on a perceived spiritual or emotional connection which is mostly unexplainable? 

Does anyone else have a CO that is severely flawed and actually presents himself badly in the media?

I might say more later. I think better at night. 

Yes, definitely to your first question.  No to the second...I mean, sure everyone's flawed to some degree...but I don't expect he's anymore flawed than I am, or more than an average person.  That your CO is "severely" flawed shouldn't matter though...no judgement here. :hugs:

I hope you say more later.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

@Audrey822 Everyone has different viewpoints on the meaning of the phrase "true love". I have always seen it as a connection between two people, two halves of a whole. That's not to say that a one-sided love is not genuine or real. Of course it still is, and in that sense it's true love, as is any form of love. I love my family and a couple of my friends, but I wouldn't define that as "true love" even though it is if the phrase is interpreted in a literal sense. However for me, it means a deep romantic love between two people who are meant to be together. That's just my interpretation of it.

 

I suppose it's true, we can have different interpretations...mine is different from yours because I don't believe it's essential for the connection to be made...I believe one person can experience true love for someone who doesn't return the love.  Once again, my reasoning is...you can't choose who you love.  Your heart decides that for you.  It doesn't mean that person will love you back (or even know you love him.) 

Have you ever heard Bonnie Raitt sing "I Can't Make You Love Me (If You Don't)" ?? I'm just going to put the link because I don't know if videos are allowed in the thread....if you haven't heard it, please listen. 

Lyrics:

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me
Tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

 

I'm fairly certain many people can relate to this song.  It's not exactly relatable to my situation (for obvious reasons) but it does illustrate the possibility that someone can love another deeply, even if it's not reciprocated. 



 

Edited by Audrey822
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...