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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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@MysteryName That's good that you were able to tell someone about your CO. Friends and family have known about my COs over the years, but only to the extent that they know that I'm a big fan. I would be embarrassed to let them know just how infatuated I am or how much time I actually spend thinking about these people because like we've been saying- it's perfectly fine for preteen/teen girls to act this way, but not adults. Especially not adults over 30! lol I actually had a funny incident happen this week where I found out that apparently I've been (unknowingly) revealing my CO to all of my Facebook friends. I follow several fan pages about my COs, and sometimes I'll like a post or comment on a CO's photo, but I didn't realize that EVERY TIME I do that, it shows up in the newsfeeds of all of my Facebook friends who follow me! I only realized it when one of my friends commented on a photo of my CO in response to a comment I made, and she doesn't even know who he is so I know she wasn't just following the page on her own. So I was like, great! Now all my Facebook friends know that I spend a ton of time on there liking and commenting on photos of some guy in a band. But it's not like I stopped doing it once I realized that they could see my activity (ok, maybe a little). They can just unfollow me if they have a problem with it. LOL

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This isn't directed to anyone in particular....just me expressing my own opinion to what seems like a feeling that having a CO is somehow an obstacle to getting on with life.  

I guess I'm one of the exceptions to the rule.  Not the only one certainly, but maybe I'm in the minority? My CO didn’t stop me from doing anything I wanted to do with my life….if anything, he made it possible for me to carry on another day.  There certainly were obstacles in my way...many of them.  But they would have been there even if I had never seen his face or heard his name.  Thank God I did, because if I hadn’t found him, I know I would not have made it this far.  

As it is, and because he got me through, I managed to do a lot with my life.  In spite of carrying this CO around in my imagination for almost 50 years now, I managed to graduate from high school and college, and maintain a few successful careers.  I also got married and raised two wonderful sons to adulthood, one of whom is getting married this summer.  My marriage is far from perfect, but that's also not my CO's fault.  That's all because of the choices I made, which I would have had to make (it's painfully complicated) even if I had never seen his face or heard his name. 

I used to regret all the things I didn’t do, but even the most accomplished people in the world have things they didn’t do.  Instead of focusing on the glass as half empty these days, I tend to look at the things I have accomplished....and when I do, I have to offer up a silent thank you for my CO, because I probably wouldn’t have made it to high school if it hadn’t been for having him in my life, even if it was only in my daydreams.

I never, ever want to give him up. :icon12:  He's still not getting in the way of anything that I want to do. 

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@After Rain That's a good idea about just mentioning having a problem with obsession, rather than coming right out with it and admitting to being obsessed with a celebrity. It's definitely something I could try. Not sure any of my family members would really understand, but perhaps one or two of my friends might (if I put more effort into my friendships, which is something I'm trying to work on at the moment).

@HopelessRomantic2011 I know what you mean about your CO being the only thing that motivates you. I also feel that way a lot of the time, and it frustrates me a bit! I just think my inspiration and motivation should come more from within myself and also from the people around me. Nothing wrong with being inspired by a celebrity, but it's become a sort of dependency for me. Which isn't a good thing at all, especially because I really need to become more confident, independent and emotionally mature as a person.

Thank you for wishing me luck! I just feel like now's the time for me to be a bit braver and start taking some more chances in life. :)

@MysteryName Well done for opening up to your best friend about your CO. It sounds like he's a very understanding person, and I'm glad it was liberating for you. Maybe the fact you've told someone might turn out to be a very important step towards you feeling better about yourself and your current situation. :)

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*pokes head slightly out the bottom of the bell jar*

Hello :upside:

I haven't been posting much lately. This is mostly because I've been reflecting a lot on my situation and how it may differ from others'. I don't exactly know how to put anything I feel into words. My whole outlook on this CO situation has gone through some changes since I first arrived here. I don't want to overwhelm myself by trying to come up with some big update or address every little thought I've been having, but I want to say something.

I've come to the realization that, no matter how strange it may seem to the average person, I genuinely fell in love with...you guessed it, a celebrity. Imagine. Damn him for being a celebrity. If he weren’t a celebrity, mine would just be another good old unrequited love story. If he weren’t a celebrity, I may not have even entertained the idea that there was something seriously wrong with me, that I'm a lunatic, or that I need to be "fixed". I would’ve just thought that I was in love, which as it turns out, I was.

Last year I learned something about this person I love that caused me unimaginable grief and despair. He’s marrying and starting a family with another woman. Holy f**k. That heartbreak was unavoidable. I didn’t experience that heartbreak because I’m crazy. I experienced it because I’m human, and I want to be with him, and I can’t be with him, and that sucks. It sucks to not be with the person you love. It sucks to fall for someone who is unavailable. This problem isn’t specific to celebrity obsession.

In my emotional mind (is there such a thing?), I conflated fantasy and reality in a way that most people don’t.  I took a situation that wasn’t real, and would never be real, and I made it real in my mind. It’s called pretending too hard. Okay, that’s probably just what I’m calling it, but I’m not going to place a copyright on it or anything so feel free to use it :wow:. What I did wasn’t terribly unusual. Why did I do this? The obvious: A history of social anxiety, extreme introversion, obsessive-compulsive thinking and behaviour. Less obvious: Having a good imagination (a personality trait), being a hopeless romantic (a personality trait!), possessing the ability to love (Thank you, God), looking on the bright side of life (Thank you, Monty Python), requiring a natural outlet for desire, wanting to fully and completely accept and nurture another flawed person (it goes with the territory of everything else). This doesn’t make my feelings of love any less legitimate than anyone else’s feelings of love (not even the super-duper healthy love that those extremely normal, slightly miserable, stunningly bored, married-for-thirty-years people feel).

My CO is not my problem. I am gloriously problematic all by myself. I wouldn’t wish what I’ve gone through with this man on anyone, but that still doesn’t make my love for him the problem. He’s a wonderful person who has brought so much joy, inspiration, and wisdom into my life. If the situation were different and he were working as a cashier at my local grocery store, my story would probably be much different. Maybe it would be me starting the family with him or planning the wedding. Maybe he’d still love another woman and then I’d be lumped into the category of “Unhealthy Obsession With a Grocery Store Clerk”. Life, as it turns out, is lousy for many people.

As things are, my story is just a tiny bit tragic. I may love him from afar for the rest of my life and if that’s how this has to be, then that’s a fate I’m prepared to accept. My life will not be ruined over this. Love will not be what ruins my life. There are plenty of other negative things holding me back in life and my CO isn’t and was never one of them. The truth is that he’s made me realize a lot of great things about myself. He’s made me a more compassionate and understanding person. He’s made me a stronger person. I would never have said that back in June of last year, but it’s true. I expect nothing of him. I don’t even know what’s going on in his life anymore. It’s not relevant. I cut him out of my life because I refuse to torture myself. I can’t cut him out of my heart though. I took control where I needed to, but there are some things you just can’t control and I’m done trying. 

Edited by posie_riot
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I haven't posted in a while because I don't have much to say these days but @posie_riot what you've written here is just so spot on. I've fallen for guys in my every day life, when I've been single and in a relationship, and I never questioned my own sanity then, why is the fact that he's a celebrity that different?

I love the change of quote as well, Posie, in your signature.

19 minutes ago, posie_riot said:

I've come to the realization that, no matter how strange it may seem to the average person, I genuinely fell in love with...you guessed it, a celebrity. Imagine. Damn him for being a celebrity. If he weren’t a celebrity, mine would just be another good old unrequited love story. If he weren’t a celebrity, I may not have even entertained the idea that there was something seriously wrong with me, that I'm a lunatic, or that I need to be "fixed". I would’ve just thought that I was in love, which as it turns out, was true.

Last year I learned something about this person I love that caused me unimaginable grief and despair. He’s marrying and starting a family with another woman. Holy f**k. That heartbreak was unavoidable. I didn’t experience that heartbreak because I’m crazy. I experienced it because I’m human, and I want to be with him, and I can’t be with him, and that sucks. It sucks to not be with the person you love. It sucks to fall for someone who is unavailable. This problem isn’t specific to celebrity obsession.

In my emotional mind (is there such a thing?), I conflated fantasy and reality in a way that most people don’t.  I took a situation that wasn’t real, and would never be real, and I made it real in my mind. It’s called pretending too hard. Okay, that’s probably just what I’m calling it, but I’m not going to place a copyright on it or anything so feel free to use it :wow:. What I did wasn’t terribly unusual. Why did I do this? The obvious: A history of social anxiety, extreme introversion, obsessive-compulsive thinking and behaviour. Less obvious: Having a good imagination (a personality trait), being a hopeless romantic (a personality trait!), possessing the ability to love (Thank you, God), looking on the bright side of life (Thank you, Monty Python), requiring a natural outlet for desire, wanting to fully and completely accept and nurture another flawed person (it goes with the territory of everything else). This doesn’t make my feelings of love any less legitimate than anyone else’s feelings of love (not even the super-duper healthy love that those extremely normal, slightly miserable, stunningly bored, married-for-thirty-years people feel).

My CO is not my problem. I am gloriously problematic all by myself. I wouldn’t wish what I’ve gone through with this man on anyone, but that still doesn’t make my love for him the problem. He’s a wonderful person who has brought so much joy, inspiration, and wisdom into my life. If the situation were different and he were working as a cashier at my local grocery store, my story would probably be much different. Maybe it would be me starting the family with him or planning the wedding. Maybe he’d still love another woman and then I’d be lumped into the category of “Unhealthy Obsession With a Grocery Store Clerk”. Life, as it turns out, is lousy for many people.

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@posie_riot I can't even begin to describe how perfect this post is. 

It's perfect. Thank you :hearthrob:  You should post your words of wisdom more often. 

11 hours ago, posie_riot said:

*pokes head slightly out the bottom of the bell jar*

Hello :upside:

I haven't been posting much lately. This is mostly because I've been reflecting a lot on my situation and how it may differ from others'. I don't exactly know how to put anything I feel into words. My whole outlook on this CO situation has gone through some changes since I first arrived here. I don't want to overwhelm myself by trying to come up with some big update or address every little thought I've been having, but I want to say something.

I've come to the realization that, no matter how strange it may seem to the average person, I genuinely fell in love with...you guessed it, a celebrity. Imagine. Damn him for being a celebrity. If he weren’t a celebrity, mine would just be another good old unrequited love story. If he weren’t a celebrity, I may not have even entertained the idea that there was something seriously wrong with me, that I'm a lunatic, or that I need to be "fixed". I would’ve just thought that I was in love, which as it turns out, I was.

Last year I learned something about this person I love that caused me unimaginable grief and despair. He’s marrying and starting a family with another woman. Holy f**k. That heartbreak was unavoidable. I didn’t experience that heartbreak because I’m crazy. I experienced it because I’m human, and I want to be with him, and I can’t be with him, and that sucks. It sucks to not be with the person you love. It sucks to fall for someone who is unavailable. This problem isn’t specific to celebrity obsession.

In my emotional mind (is there such a thing?), I conflated fantasy and reality in a way that most people don’t.  I took a situation that wasn’t real, and would never be real, and I made it real in my mind. It’s called pretending too hard. Okay, that’s probably just what I’m calling it, but I’m not going to place a copyright on it or anything so feel free to use it :wow:. What I did wasn’t terribly unusual. Why did I do this? The obvious: A history of social anxiety, extreme introversion, obsessive-compulsive thinking and behaviour. Less obvious: Having a good imagination (a personality trait), being a hopeless romantic (a personality trait!), possessing the ability to love (Thank you, God), looking on the bright side of life (Thank you, Monty Python), requiring a natural outlet for desire, wanting to fully and completely accept and nurture another flawed person (it goes with the territory of everything else). This doesn’t make my feelings of love any less legitimate than anyone else’s feelings of love (not even the super-duper healthy love that those extremely normal, slightly miserable, stunningly bored, married-for-thirty-years people feel).

My CO is not my problem. I am gloriously problematic all by myself. I wouldn’t wish what I’ve gone through with this man on anyone, but that still doesn’t make my love for him the problem. He’s a wonderful person who has brought so much joy, inspiration, and wisdom into my life. If the situation were different and he were working as a cashier at my local grocery store, my story would probably be much different. Maybe it would be me starting the family with him or planning the wedding. Maybe he’d still love another woman and then I’d be lumped into the category of “Unhealthy Obsession With a Grocery Store Clerk”. Life, as it turns out, is lousy for many people.

As things are, my story is just a tiny bit tragic. I may love him from afar for the rest of my life and if that’s how this has to be, then that’s a fate I’m prepared to accept. My life will not be ruined over this. Love will not be what ruins my life. There are plenty of other negative things holding me back in life and my CO isn’t and was never one of them. The truth is that he’s made me realize a lot of great things about myself. He’s made me a more compassionate and understanding person. He’s made me a stronger person. I would never have said that back in June of last year, but it’s true. I expect nothing of him. I don’t even know what’s going on in his life anymore. It’s not relevant. I cut him out of my life because I refuse to torture myself. I can’t cut him out of my heart though. I took control where I needed to, but there are some things you just can’t control and I’m done trying. 

 

Edited by Natasha1
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It's Valentine's Day, and I want all of you who wish to do so to pretend that your CO has just sent the Valentine's Day wish below to you.  Enjoy :icon12: :

Those of us in this thread deserve to enjoy this day, too, ?

Edited by Natasha1
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2 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

It's Valentine's Day, and I want all of you who wish to do so to pretend that your CO has just sent the Valentine's Day wish below to you.  Enjoy :icon12: :

Those of us in this thread deserve to enjoy this day, too, ?

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! I don't imagine my CO to be the mushy, romantic type but I could be wrong since I don't know him. But the sort of things that I do imagine that he would do to show his affection are pretty good too. :smilingteeth:

Edited by Natasha1
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If this masterpiece gets removed, St. Valentine himself is going to rewrite the TOS on a scroll with a quill pen. 

 

    :icon12:    :icon12:                                     :icon12:     :icon12:   

:icon12:                     :icon12:             :icon12:                    :icon12:

:icon12:                             :icon12:                              :icon12:

:icon12:                                                              :icon12:

        :icon12:                                                 :icon12:

                  :icon12:                                :icon12:

                           :icon12:                :icon12:

                                      :icon12:

                        

Happy Valentine's Day!

Edited by posie_riot
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21 minutes ago, posie_riot said:

If this masterpiece gets removed, St. Valentine himself is going to rewrite the TOS on a scroll with a quill pen. 

 

    :icon12:    :icon12:                                     :icon12:     :icon12:   

:icon12:                     :icon12:             :icon12:                    :icon12:

:icon12:                             :icon12:                              :icon12:

:icon12:                                                              :icon12:

        :icon12:                                                 :icon12:

                  :icon12:                                :icon12:

                           :icon12:                :icon12:

                                      :icon12:

                        

Happy Valentine's Day!

:cheesy: 

It's beautiful!!  Happy Valentine's Day to you too!! :hearts:

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15 hours ago, perfectcircle77 said:

I haven't posted in a while because I don't have much to say these days but @posie_riot what you've written here is just so spot on. I've fallen for guys in my every day life, when I've been single and in a relationship, and I never questioned my own sanity then, why is the fact that he's a celebrity that different?

I love the change of quote as well, Posie, in your signature.

Thank you :hugs:  There's a certain stigma for us, I think, surrounding that word 'celebrity'. I've begun to loathe the term 'celebrity obsession'. I'm not suggesting that there's nothing a bit unusual about falling in love under these circumstances, but I don't think it's fair to view this type of love and admiration in such a negative way. I know this probably sounds over-simplified, but I've thought about it a lot.

Obviously what I feel is true for me is not going to be true for everyone. I think for some, the term 'celebrity obsession' truly applies, and for others, it almost doesn't. For some people, perhaps the term implies in some ways but not in others. For example, when I was actively searching all over the internet and all over social media for news about my CO, you could obviously call that obsessive behaviour. This is more than just an "obsession" for me though. The obsession was part of it, but it wasn't all there was. I can't reduce my feelings for my CO down to an obsession anymore. It seems too wrong. When I first got here last year, all I wanted was a cure for my heartbreak and that clouded my perception of what I'm really going through. I thought if I could see this as an awful obsession that I needed to move on from, I could make everything all better again. I thought I could start back at zero. I thought I could get rid of the heartache, but I can't, and maybe that's a lot more okay than I thought. Maybe this is a type of misery that I can find it in me to actually accept. I need to point out here that this acceptance is only possible by not following him on social media or in the news. I can only do this by keeping myself in the dark. I would never be able to maintain this..."optimism"...if I were still coming across updates about his personal life.  I couldn't handle that, and I'm still extremely fragile. 

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1 hour ago, posie_riot said:

Thank you :hugs:  There's a certain stigma for us, I think, surrounding that word 'celebrity'. I've begun to loathe the term 'celebrity obsession'. I'm not suggesting that there's nothing a bit unusual about falling in love under these circumstances, but I don't think it's fair to view this type of love and admiration in such a negative way. I know this probably sounds over-simplified, but I've thought about it a lot.

Obviously what I feel is true for me is not going to be true for everyone. I think for some, the term 'celebrity obsession' truly applies, and for others, it almost doesn't. For some people, perhaps the term implies in some ways but not in others. For example, when I was actively searching all over the internet and all over social media for news about my CO, you could obviously call that obsessive behaviour. This is more than just an "obsession" for me though. The obsession was part of it, but it wasn't all there was. I can't reduce my feelings for my CO down to an obsession anymore. It seems too wrong. When I first got here last year, all I wanted was a cure for my heartbreak and that clouded my perception of what I'm really going through. I thought if I could see this as an awful obsession that I needed to move on from, I could make everything all better again. I thought I could start back at zero. I thought I could get rid of the heartache, but I can't, and maybe that's a lot more okay than I thought. Maybe this is a type of misery that I can find it in me to actually accept. I need to point out here that this acceptance is only possible by not following him on social media or in the news. I can only do this by keeping myself in the dark. I would never be able to maintain this..."optimism"...if I were still coming across updates about his personal life.  I couldn't handle that, and I'm still extremely fragile. 

So much to address here.

I've made reference many times to what brought me here.  It's in the thread...please forgive me if I don't really feel like rehashing that right now.  I have my reasons.  But when I went looking for answers, it didn't even occur to me to search for celebrity obsession.   I didn't think of my CO as a celebrity.  If I had mentioned his name to 500 random people, 499 of them would not recognize the name.  How could he be a celebrity then?  No one I've ever disclosed his name to in private conversations here had ever heard of him, only a small minority of people in this thread have ever even heard of his band. (Their last chart hit was in 1968, so that's perfectly understandable.)  

However, I never denied the obsession part.  That's no big deal, I get obsessed about almost everything I encounter.  I definitely have OCD, so whenever I'm interested in something or someone, I'm naturally going to have an obsessive interest in finding everything I can about them, acquiring everything there is to have, etc.  That's just how I'm "wired."  That doesn't mean I love him any less.  

Like you, @posie_riot I don't want a constant stream of updates about my CO's personal life. I'd be afraid of that.  That is why I've never reached out to add him as a friend on Facebook (other fans have successfully done so, but I have no desire to see his vacation plans, who he'll be going with, and pictures of the two of them together when they get back.  Do. Not. Want.) I managed to wean myself from Googling and other harmful searches about 2 years ago because I couldn't stand to see the unpredictable results.  I cannot go back to that. 

One other thing: if it was up to me, I would remove the word "Unhealthy" from the title of this thread.  I realize I may not speak for everyone when I say this, but my CO has been anything but unhealthy for me (see the post I put up Sunday evening.)  

Edited by Audrey822
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24 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

However, I never denied the obsession part.  That's no big deal, I get obsessed about almost everything I encounter.  I definitely have OCD, so whenever I'm interested in something or someone, I'm naturally going to have an obsessive interest in finding everything I can about them, acquiring everything there is to have, etc.  That's just how I'm "wired."  That doesn't mean I love him any less.  

I still don't deny the "obsession" part, although I probably made it seem that way. Again...OCD. I'm just obsessive in general. I'm an excessive ruminator and analyzer too so even when I'm not actively engaged in obsessive behaviour related to him, I'm often thinking about him in obsessive ways. But you are so, so right when you say: That doesn't mean I love him any less.  For some of us, this is not just an obsession. 

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4 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

However, I never denied the obsession part.  That's no big deal, I get obsessed about almost everything I encounter.  I definitely have OCD, so whenever I'm interested in something or someone, I'm naturally going to have an obsessive interest in finding everything I can about them, acquiring everything there is to have, etc.  That's just how I'm "wired."  That doesn't mean I love him any less.  

Like you, @posie_riot I don't want a constant stream of updates about my CO's personal life. I'd be afraid of that.  That is why I've never reached out to add him as a friend on Facebook (other fans have successfully done so, but I have no desire to see his vacation plans, who he'll be going with, and pictures of the two of them together when they get back.  Do. Not. Want.) I managed to wean myself from Googling and other harmful searches about 2 years ago because I couldn't stand to see the unpredictable results.  I cannot go back to that. 

One other thing: if it was up to me, I would remove the word "Unhealthy" from the title of this thread.  I realize I may not speak for everyone when I say this, but my CO has been anything but unhealthy for me (see the post I put up Sunday evening.)  

Finding this thread helped me to realise that obsession was very much a part of my life. It's almost ridiculous to think that I never really considered it before. And it's the obsession part of all of this that causes the pain, that I've worked and continue to work really hard on fighting against. I am happy in my love for this man, I have accepted it as part of my life and learned that it doesn't diminish my life any. If anything, I have learnt more about myself and improved my own mental wellbeing dramatically in the last 9 months. But the obsession has been hard to deal with. I still have days where I crack and look on sites I know I shouldn't - Reddit threads, Facebook groups, Twitter threads from fans. But those days are less often than they were so I think I'm winning.  Even then, these searches are mostly harmless, the vast majority of fans steer clear of his personal life as a topic of conversation and the ones that don't, I don't know and thankfully don't know how to find them. Things still smack me in the face once in a while, mostly throwaway comments on his show but I'm learning how to deal with those. I still have the dread hanging over my head - he's a 40 year old good looking man who is on TV (I am loathe to use the word celebrity because so few people who would know who he was), can he really stay single forever? He said last week he had a personal announcement to make in the next couple of weeks which knots my stomach every time but then 2 sentences later made jokes about not finding love so I'm hoping it's a career related thing. But it's things like that, that most people wouldn't even notice that bring me to a panic.

I would happily remove the word Unhealthy from this title. I don't think what I'm doing now is unhealthy, if anything, like I've said above, my mental health has improved considerably since finding this thread. But I know that every person on this thread is different and for some, what I consider healthy, they would consider otherwise.

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Hi guys, it's me again, I hope you all are having a wonderfull day, it's sunny here and my new obsession which is still in its honeymoon phase is making me smile for no reason this morning.

I can't help it. I'm scared but the limerence is just too hard to resist at this point of my life. I still wouldn't call it love, or even a full blown obsession, it's just an attraction for now that puts a smile on my face. I really don't want it to go much further but how do I prevent that? I feel that if I give up on this I'll go back to some more harmfull methods of dealing with depression. I feel that I'm intentionally inducing this to bring some joy to my life. It's addictive. When I feel low I go and look at his pics to make myself feel better.

Anyway, he has some projects coming up this and next year and I'm having some mixed feelings about it. One part of me wants him to succeed at everything he does and the other part wants him to stay anonymous to as many people possible. He's been becoming pretty famous lately(I can't complain cuz I only recently re-discovered him too, I know, I'm contradicting myself) but I can only imagine how it's going to be after those projects. I know he's crazy talented so it's only a matter of time everyone knows his name and I know that he deserves all the attention he's been getting and more but I just can't help but feel all selfish and possessive about it.

I know, it's terrible, I won't have him no matter how famous he is but I just hate seeing more and more comments about him online. This feeling reminds me of my teenage years and that horrible obsession I once had. I was so obsessive about knowing everything about him and was collecting every pic and article on him I could find and if I'd miss something I'd cry and be so angry at myself. I hated his fame and success. God, I was a mess. I don't want to go back to that place. I just want to enjoy limerence without the painful consequences, why can't that be easier?

I'll get over it, my last CO (the one I was referring to as 'the main co' but is now only I person I admire, not so much an obsession anymore) is a major celebrity, the level of his fame used to scare the h.ll out of me but I had learned to accept it.

I mean, on the other hand I can't wait to see all those projects, I'm counting days, I know he's going to shine and show everyone what he can do. I do feel proud and happy for him. I just wish I could shake this 'I don't wanna share him' feeling off because that's where the honeymoon phase stops and the agony begins.

Ugh, I already feel like a terrible person for writing this post. I'm sorry, I just needed to vent. I've also been paranoid about this account, I'm afraid that someone is going to find out about all this somehow.  Also he inspires me to write and if I ever create something worth reading it's going to be clear to everyone that it didn't come out of nowhere.

 

 

Edited by CrazyinLove
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15 hours ago, posie_riot said:

If this masterpiece gets removed, St. Valentine himself is going to rewrite the TOS on a scroll with a quill pen. 

 

    :icon12:    :icon12:                                     :icon12:     :icon12:   

:icon12:                     :icon12:             :icon12:                    :icon12:

:icon12:                             :icon12:                              :icon12:

:icon12:                                                              :icon12:

        :icon12:                                                 :icon12:

                  :icon12:                                :icon12:

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                                      :icon12:

                        

Happy Valentine's Day!

this is ok as its not an image. sucks that my quote ruined it though. its so pretty!!!

edit: i guess it is just ruined while writing the reply yay!

Edited by Natasha1
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6 hours ago, perfectcircle77 said:

He said last week he had a personal announcement to make in the next couple of weeks which knots my stomach every time but then 2 sentences later made jokes about not finding love so I'm hoping it's a career related thing. But it's things like that, that most people wouldn't even notice that bring me to a panic.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts, @perfectcircle77 ... I hope this announcement turns out to be career-related. We're here for you if you need us, you know that. Anxiety is horrible. I hope you can find ways to stay calm until he makes the announcement. Maybe stop by more often and talk to us? I miss you! :hugs:

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@CrazyinLove I have some questions about your post if you don't mind answering. Emboldened sentences are your quotes...it's easier that way ?

I'm scared but the limerence is just too hard to resist at this point of my life.

What scares you so much? 

how do I prevent that? I feel that if I give up on this I'll go back to some more harmfull methods of dealing with depression. 

Not trying to be nosy, but I can only help with more information. What are you trying to prevent? If you don't want to disclose that, at least ask yourself: is that really worse than the "more harmful methods of dealing with depression" you speak of? 

I just hate seeing more and more comments about him online.

There's a reason this thread is in the OCD forum of this board. It's likely many of us in this thread have OCD. I do. I used to relentlessly search the Internet for my CO's name...I got hurt doing that 4 times before I finally said "enough!!" and ended it. I just stopped searching. If you hate seeing something you have to stop doing whatever it is that's causing you to see it. That's not easy for someone with OCD, but it is doable if you really want to end the misery of what you're seeing. When you get the urge to go to the sites where you've seen  those comments, distract yourself and do something else...take a walk, read a book, etc. Get away from the computer for 10-20 minutes until the urge passes. Do that as many times as necessary. It does work.

I was so obsessive about knowing everything about him and was collecting every pic and article on him I could find and if I'd miss something I'd cry and be so angry at myself.

I understand that. I have the same issues. I'm OCD, that's all you need to know about that!! But you have to draw the line somewhere, and it has to be between what makes you feel good and what doesn't. Take care of you.

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I am new to this page but found it because I have become obsessed and I need to stop.  My co recently died.  However i did not become obsessed with him until after he died.  He had a successful career and a troubled and tortured personal life.  I became interested in why he died and suddenly I know everything about him.  I can't stay off the internet, i google him constantly, I listen to his music daily.  His music is always in my head.  I ordered merchandise, I joined a support group facebook page.  and I obsess with people all over the world (28,000+ members).  I talk about him incessantly to people I know and to complete strangers. I'm starting to fantasize that we knew each other. I want to stop but i don't want to leave him.  I never followed him or paid any attention to him ever before.  But now i feel I know him and care deeply and am sad for him.  And I feel like if I stop I will be abandoning him. I'm sinking into depression.  I've been crying all morning.  6 weeks of this and I'm exhausted. I wish he would come to me and tell me to stop and that he's ok. I think I could move on then. I've done this before with I other person but not this intense and he was alive. I never think about him any more.  I was also deep into Mt Everest and the Titantic and 9/11 (I know that sounds random) but i delve into things and then something flips and I just stop.  This feels different.  I physically hurt. I needed to say all this.  You can't really say this on the facebook page because, well you can't. It's more of a grief page, not I'm going nuts page.  Thanks. 

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18 minutes ago, heights91 said:

I am new to this page but found it because I have become obsessed and I need to stop.  My co recently died.  However i did not become obsessed with him until after he died.  He had a successful career and a troubled and tortured personal life.  I became interested in why he died and suddenly I know everything about him.  I can't stay off the internet, i google him constantly, I listen to his music daily.  His music is always in my head.  I ordered merchandise, I joined a support group facebook page.  and I obsess with people all over the world (28,000+ members).  I talk about him incessantly to people I know and to complete strangers. I'm starting to fantasize that we knew each other. I want to stop but i don't want to leave him.  I never followed him or paid any attention to him ever before.  But now i feel I know him and care deeply and am sad for him.  And I feel like if I stop I will be abandoning him. I'm sinking into depression.  I've been crying all morning.  6 weeks of this and I'm exhausted. I wish he would come to me and tell me to stop and that he's ok. I think I could move on then. I've done this before with I other person but not this intense and he was alive. I never think about him any more.  I was also deep into Mt Everest and the Titantic and 9/11 (I know that sounds random) but i delve into things and then something flips and I just stop.  This feels different.  I physically hurt. I needed to say all this.  You can't really say this on the facebook page because, well you can't. It's more of a grief page, not I'm going nuts page.  Thanks. 

:console:@heights91 I am so sorry for your loss.  Yes, you're definitely going through grief right now, and it's understandable.  You will be in my thoughts, I hope this will get easier for you in time.  Just know that he is OK. You don't have to leave him, he can stay in your thoughts as long as you want to keep him there, and he can also always stay in your heart.  You've been learning so much about him...consider how would he want you to remember him.  Continue on that way.  You never have to feel like you're abandoning him....because you never will be, as long as you keep him in your heart and mind.

Stop by anytime and talk to us as much as necessary.  We're here for you. :icon12:

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Hi guys. 

Do you ever feel like you know your CO and you are sure of what they're going to do? Like you know stories about them? When SHE'S in one of her 'happy to talk about him days', she tells tales  from before she entered his life. I'm thinking 'yeah, I know all this, you attention-seeing Biotch'.

Anyway, this is something I'm not proud of, but I can tell when he's with her and when he will go to visit her.

So he posted a pic of him waiting to board a plane and saying he was tired. I knew where he was going, but that didn't make what I saw this morning easier to take.

He posted a pic of them together for the first time and he had written how every day seems like Valentine's Day with her. Well, social media exploded with people cooing over the 'cute' factor. He's on most social media but, for some reason, only put the message on Instagram. The message was to her directly, but she's not following his account so how would she know he's done that? 

About an hour later, she posted on her social media. Not a thank you to him, but regarding a new film she's produced and is in. She plugged a short teaser for a song that won't be fully released until tomorrow. 

It's funny. Last week after rumours that he'd invested money in her film, she harped on that it was 'fake news' (sound like someone familiar?) and how she's 'more than capable of producing and promoting her films.' Sorry, did I say funny, I meant infuriating and soul destroying.

My CO has also been known to lash out against the media about lack of privacy. Yet he posted the above vom-inducing message the day AFTER V Day. So they're both well aware of the attention they get and ****** loving it. 

I know every time I come on here, I Biotch and I sound like a cracked record. It's not that I'm only seeing it this way because I'm jealous and that you're only hearing my side of the 'love story'. But their  childish hide-and-seek with the press is clear as day, yet I guarantee they'll have the audacity to whine about the media not respecting their privacy.

She's cunning. Not for the first time, she's somehow used him to gain publicity and attention for a movie she's in. And by the way, this film and the first one she was a producer on, the films she's so adamant are 'fresh' and 'risky'; copied from other stories. So she'll get away with it because the focus has shifted to his ******* post.

I know you amazing people have tried your utmost to deter me from looking on his social media and avoiding her's completely. But Jesus Christ, my CO is mind-numbingly stupid.

He's coming to my country this summer for a tournament and I was going to volunteer as a helper. I've been invited for an interview, but the last time I put my life on hold and followed him around the country, I was beyond crushed and embarrassed. I don't know what to do.

The only thing I am sure of is how badly I want my all my scan results to come back positive for any sign of a tumour. I won't fight it.

Please God, just take me.

 

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It's not necessary to apologize for all the things that are bothering you about this woman.  In your situation, I would feel exactly as you do.  I have to say though, it sounds like a very one-sided relationship to me, with your CO doing all the heavy-lifting.  She doesn't even follow him on Instagram or acknowledge these nice things he's saying about her?  If I remember correctly, you've mentioned before that she's a bit self-centered.  Nothing's changed. 

So, let's talk about this:

1 hour ago, sv14 said:

 

The only thing I am sure of is how badly I want my all my scan results to come back positive for any sign of a tumour. I won't fight it.

Please God, just take me.

 

Suppose the day after you get those results back, you learn your CO broke up with this self-centered woman?  It could happen.  Today is not forever.   Fight for your own life, and let everything else take care of itself.  :hugs:I cannot join you in hoping those results come back positive.  But I will hope that your CO sees through this shallow woman soon. 

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15 hours ago, heights91 said:

I am new to this page but found it because I have become obsessed and I need to stop.  My co recently died.  However i did not become obsessed with him until after he died.  He had a successful career and a troubled and tortured personal life.  I became interested in why he died and suddenly I know everything about him.  I can't stay off the internet, i google him constantly, I listen to his music daily.  His music is always in my head.  I ordered merchandise, I joined a support group facebook page.  and I obsess with people all over the world (28,000+ members).  I talk about him incessantly to people I know and to complete strangers. I'm starting to fantasize that we knew each other. I want to stop but i don't want to leave him.  I never followed him or paid any attention to him ever before.  But now i feel I know him and care deeply and am sad for him.  And I feel like if I stop I will be abandoning him. I'm sinking into depression.  I've been crying all morning.  6 weeks of this and I'm exhausted. I wish he would come to me and tell me to stop and that he's ok. I think I could move on then. I've done this before with I other person but not this intense and he was alive. I never think about him any more.  I was also deep into Mt Everest and the Titantic and 9/11 (I know that sounds random) but i delve into things and then something flips and I just stop.  This feels different.  I physically hurt. I needed to say all this.  You can't really say this on the facebook page because, well you can't. It's more of a grief page, not I'm going nuts page.  Thanks. 

I don't think I understand what exactly is causing the bulk of the depression. Is it because the celebrity you're obsessing over died and the heaviness of that is too much to handle? Or are you concerned that what you're doing or how you're feeling is strange? I'm suspecting maybe both because you wrote: You can't really say this on the facebook page because, well you can't. It's more of a grief page, not I'm going nuts page. I can address the second possible concern more easily than the first. 

Putting my CO aside for a minute, I can tell you that I get obsessed with things all the time (just like you) and then it passes and I move on (just like you). Of all my various OCD symptoms, these kind of obsessions are actually the most manageable because they usually bring me more satisfaction than anything else. If you think you're "weird" or something...you're not. There are more people like you than you think. 

I was also deep into Mt Everest and the Titantic and 9/11 (I know that sounds random) but i delve into things and then something flips and I just stop.

Not random...very common. All three of those things. Tragedies and disasters, especially, trigger obsessive interest in a lot of people. You may have even discovered yourself that there are tons of people who share your obsessions. It's also very common to become obsessed with celebrities who have died, and it's normal to feel sad under those circumstances. You are allowed to experience grief for this person you now care about, and as painful as it is, it's not wrong. It's not something you need to "move on" from. 

This feels different.  I physically hurt.

Is the death itself upsetting you too much? Are you concerned that your sadness towards this death has become abnormally obsessive? Why do you think this obsession is different than the others? You can't stop yourself from mourning a terrible loss (although I understand why you would want to). 

I'm really sorry you're hurting so much :console: I wish I knew how to help. Please let us know how you're doing. 

Edited by posie_riot
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@sv14 I agree with everything @Audrey822 said and I am sincerely sad that you're going through this. 

To answer your question: Do you ever feel like you know your CO and you are sure of what they're going to do?

Yes. When I was still keeping up with my CO's every move, I was also predicting his every next move. I drove myself insane this way. I know him better than the woman he's marrying. This is one of the many reasons I had to back off. My CO is mind-numbingly stupid too (in his personal life) and I could no longer put myself through the pain of just sitting back and watching his life play out while being powerless to do anything. It's a slow death.

You are worth so much more than this. 

Edited by posie_riot
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