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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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8 hours ago, CrazyinLove said:

Yeah, it can't be real love. It's too pure and unconditional and you always crave that 'high'. But what is real love? Friendship and respect? I don't even know anymore. 

 In real relationships you go through different stages of love but with CO's you have to constantly be IN love, and feel those butterflies. I'm not saying there aren't any stages in CO but in all of them you feel very attracted to that person. I don't think that's the case irl. Does anyone here love their CO but doesn't feel butterflies anymore? I do feel like I genuinely love my still current CO I initially told you about. And we do have things in common. I really care for him and am a big fan of his art, but rn I just feel more attracted to this new guy. 

@CrazyinLove (Love your username by the way, I start singing Beyoncé inside my head whenever I see it, lol!)

I have been obsessed with my current CO for over 6 years now. To answer your question, I do still feel butterflies, not to the same extent as at the very start of the obsession, but they are definitely still there. However, my emotional attachment to him has grown a lot over the years (I think that's the natural way that people in happy relationships feel, but I wouldn't really know!)

Like you, I feel like I love my CO. Whether or not it's "genuine love" I'm not sure... Can love only be genuine when we actually know the object of our affections? Because I have only felt this way about one other person - someone I knew in real life - and I don't think the experience was fundamentally different to what I'm going through with my CO (except for the fact that he broke my heart and my CO hasn't - at least not yet.)

Some would say that love has to be reciprocated in order to be genuine. Personally, I would disagree with that. Though maybe if one day I'm lucky enough to experience reciprocal romantic love, I might change my mind.

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3 hours ago, CrazyinLove said:

Yeah, I can't lie, I would love to know all of your CO's but I also don't want to share mine and respect everyone else's privacy.

If my comment seemed to you an invasion of your privacy, I'm really sorry. I just noticed that we have the same taste choosing our CO...nothing else. 

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1 hour ago, Thel said:

If my comment seemed to you an invasion of your privacy, I'm really sorry. I just noticed that we have the same taste choosing our CO...nothing else. 

Oh no no, not at all.  I'm sorry, I must have expressed myself wrongly. I just said it because I do get curious sometimes but don't want to invade anyone's privacy because I know that most of us here wouldn't want their CO's name mentioned on the board.

They do seem to have some similarities so I wondered for a second who it was, not that it's any of my business.

4 hours ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Aww, well I can't blame you for that! Bill is lovely. I'm just partial to Tom right now. Maybe it'll be Georg in a few months. Who knows? lol :smilingteeth:

It was a very long time ago, I'd say more than 12 years ago when I fell in love with him lel. Back then his sexual orientation wasn't as obvious as it is now lel. Also I knew so little about him at the beginning, I don't even think I had internet.That had changed very fast though. I got hooked and it lasted for years. He was a huge part of my life, they all were. I wanted to be friends with them so badly lel.

Edited by CrazyinLove
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32 minutes ago, CrazyinLove said:

It was a very long time ago, I'd say more than 12 years ago when I fell in love with him lel. Back then his sexual orientation wasn't as obvious as it is now lel. Also I knew so little about him at the beginning, I don't even think I had internet.That had changed very fast though. I got hooked and it lasted for years. He was a huge part of my life, they all were. I wanted to be friends with them so badly lel.

Oh I know, they seem like so much fun! I love to watch them interact with each other and goof off. Hopefully I'll get to meet them this year when they go on tour (even though no tour dates have even been announced for my country yet!)

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Can I ask a random question? Has anyone ever had a (very realistic) dream about being an actual stalker?

I basically just woke up from a dream like this. In it, I hung around where I could "happen" to meet my CO, and of course he came along. I ended up tripping him somehow, so he even fell with his bike (it's awful just writing this down!). Seeing me, he immediately made the connection to meeting me before and very suspiciously asked me, what I was doing there and if I was responsible for some other accident he'd had that day. He'd obviously identified me as some crazy stalker, who wouldn't shy away from hurting him (which is the most horrible thing I can imagine). But the very worst part is, that just before waking up I realized the underlying feeling about all of this was POSITIVE. Why? Because it got me to interact with him, to him noticing me.

I'm truly disturbed about this dream, because I feel that somehow the things I did there are in me and I'd actually be capable of them, which makes me want to throw up. The last thing I'd consciously do is hurt my CO,

Does anyone have similar experiences?

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Hi, I haven't been here in forever but thought I'd say hi and vent a little. I still can't stay, I still can't stand other people's love most of the time so I'm sorry I still feel too weak for this place.

In a couple of months... it'll be 2 years? Yeah 2 years since this started. Chatting to other people online has helped, getting to know other people, but I still have bad days sometimes. I haven't watched him or things that remind me of him too much in a couple of months either but I know that's not gonna last cause I get too nervous imagining what he's up to. And I know I'll have a bad day then.

I keep looking for your face in everyone else but it's never you enough, and it hurts so much cause for some reason I don't get, I imagine you being happy with someone else who gets to have you at that very moment at every *now* and doesn't even know what they have you id1ot. And you know what, I may not be a model but I'm more real and sweeter and hotter for you then anyone could ever be you id1ot, you're missing out. If you saw my eyes and got to know me you'd get it.
I will find you and tell what you do to my senses even if we're both really old, or I'll die trying...Anybody else is just blah, I want this crazy superficial, animal, insane, intense stupid thing! No one in my life gets that! I don't care if it's not how love works or it's too crazy if it's too much too scary, why can't I want that, once in my life?!? I will be alone forever cause I don't know how to settle for less, and it hurts so much to try. I'll keep praying for miracles, or that I'm able to live a little coexisting with this "condition". 
I don't care that I sound crazy, you are my id1ot, my.

And sorry board but I have to write this too: if nothingatall reads this, PLEASE pm me: I don't know where you are, I worry! *sigh*

Thanks for letting me vent, I will go back to pms if anyone wants to talk.

Edited by random alice
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On 23.1.2017. at 8:01 PM, OpalP25 said:

@CrazyinLove (Love your username by the way, I start singing Beyoncé inside my head whenever I see it, lol!)

I have been obsessed with my current CO for over 6 years now. To answer your question, I do still feel butterflies, not to the same extent as at the very start of the obsession, but they are definitely still there. However, my emotional attachment to him has grown a lot over the years (I think that's the natural way that people in happy relationships feel, but I wouldn't really know!)

Like you, I feel like I love my CO. Whether or not it's "genuine love" I'm not sure... Can love only be genuine when we actually know the object of our affections? Because I have only felt this way about one other person - someone I knew in real life - and I don't think the experience was fundamentally different to what I'm going through with my CO (except for the fact that he broke my heart and my CO hasn't - at least not yet.)

Some would say that love has to be reciprocated in order to be genuine. Personally, I would disagree with that. Though maybe if one day I'm lucky enough to experience reciprocal romantic love, I might change my mind.

I'm sorry I haven't replied earlier, I thought your post deserved a bit more attention and I was very busy.

I don't know tbh if my love is indeed genuine. I said it without giving it too much thought. I don't love him as much I love my bf, obviously. My (ex)bf is my best friend, we're always togother but I've never been so in love with him the way I am with my CO's. I miss him when he's gone and I care about him, I know him so well, I  know he loves me back, I'm just not attracted to him and don't feel those butterflies anymore. I don't know if I ever did to this extent. It's one of the (many) reasons we're so close to a break up, despite all the 'love' or....the habit.

On the other hand my CO doesn't know I exits and I can never lose him because I never had him but I do sometimes feel as if he has helped me through tough times and that we do have memories. At least I do. That's probably how I built a connection with him in my head and now as a result I care about his happiness and health, I miss him when he's gone, which is a lot. More than you can imagine. I feel like I know him because I digged for answers, I also 'psychoanalyse' him all the time.

So what does it take for love to be genuine? Reciprocity?

If this love for my CO isn't genuine then what is it really? Just the attraction?

Then why do I feel like my old CO'so are my friends? I still care for them in a way. 

Will I ever get to feel the 'real' love, the one that has it all? I think I've kinda accepted that the strongest I'll ever feel for someone will be for one of my CO's. And I think i'm fine with that. 

My feelings were never as strong in the first week as they are now with this new guy though. Does my brain simply find him 'hotter' and easier to fall for?

I 'pshychanalysed' this new guy as well, he talks so little about himself that I had to fill in the blanks myself. I just don't believe him, there's something off about him. Real people aren't that perfect.

 

Edited by CrazyinLove
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On 24.1.2017. at 0:41 AM, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Oh I know, they seem like so much fun! I love to watch them interact with each other and goof off. Hopefully I'll get to meet them this year when they go on tour (even though no tour dates have even been announced for my country yet!)

Yeah, they're great guys, I still watch their channel sometimes just to see what they're up to nowadays. 

I'm so happy that they have  more normal lives now. They literally had to escape Europe, it was a madness for them back then. I don't know if you know or remember those times. 

I was completely obsessed and didn't know how to handle my emotions at all. I was miserable. That's why I get anxious now whenever I get obsessed over someone new because I know how bad it can become.

The only good thing was that I had learned German for them, almost perfectly. They couldn't speak English, especially Tom. I've forgotten a lot since though, but hey, at least my english is getting better now lel, can't complain. 

Ohh, the perks of beeing an obsessed fangirl :D

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10 minutes ago, CrazyinLove said:

Yeah, they're great guys, I still watch their channel sometimes just to see what they're up to nowadays. 

I'm so happy that they have  more normal lives now. They literally had to escape Europe, it was a madness for them back then. I don't know if you know or remember those times. 

I was completely obsessed and didn't know how to handle my emotions at all. I was miserable. That's why I get anxious now whenever I get obsessed over someone new because I know how bad it can become.

The only good thing was that I had learned German for them, almost perfectly. They couldn't speak English, especially Tom. I've forgotten a lot since though, but hey, at least my english is getting better now lel, can't complain. 

Ohh, the perks of beeing an obsessed fangirl :D

Haha yes, their English is really good now (which is great because my German is awful!) I'm sorry that your obsession was difficult for you though. It's been all fun for me because I didn't discover them until 2008 and I was already an adult then. Also, I had a boyfriend at the time and I still have an e-mail from 2008 that I wrote to a friend where I was telling her that I had such a huge crush on Bill even though I thought I'd be over my celebrity crushes since I had a "real boyfriend." Yet almost 10 years later, I STILL have a crush on Bill and the "real boyfriend" is long gone and I never really think about him. So you can draw your own conclusions there! :)

I agree that there are perks to being an obsessed fangirl though. You learn about stuff that you otherwise wouldn't, and some of it might even be useful!

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@CrazyinLove I really enjoyed the video you posted. The girl made a lot of interesting points and gave some helpful advice, particularly about the need to separate love from obsession. Those two things have always been very much linked inside my head, to the point that I don't feel I could be happy and fulfilled in a relationship with someone unless the obsessive element was there. I know that's not really a healthy mindset to have...

Regarding "real love", I believe there are at least some lucky people who get to experience it in an actual relationship. Unfortunately, it's not always the people who want it most who end up finding it. Maybe you're right that our obsessions are as good as it's ever going to get for us... But it would be good to be proven wrong on that point, lol!

 

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Just wanted to make a small comment about this thread.

This is obviously a deeply personal topic for all of us. The emotions we're experiencing are also very personal too. After all, only we as individuals know our own minds and hearts, and therefore only we have the ability to define what our own feelings are.

I really like having in-depth discussions about this subject and the questions surrounding it, such as the one today about what the definition of love is. It's nice talking about things openly and hearing other people's viewpoints. This is a great place for these sorts of conversations, and I hope it will continue to be for a long time to come!

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On 1/25/2017 at 6:16 AM, random alice said:

 

I keep looking for your face in everyone else but it's never you enough, and it hurts so much cause for some reason I don't get, I imagine you being happy with someone else who gets to have you at that very moment at every *now* and doesn't even know what they have you id1ot. And you know what, I may not be a model but I'm more real and sweeter and hotter for you then anyone could ever be you id1ot, you're missing out. If you saw my eyes and got to know me you'd get it.
I will find you and tell what you do to my senses even if we're both really old, or I'll die trying...Anybody else is just blah, I want this crazy superficial, animal, insane, intense stupid thing! No one in my life gets that! I don't care if it's not how love works or it's too crazy if it's too much too scary, why can't I want that, once in my life?!? I will be alone forever cause I don't know how to settle for less, and it hurts so much to try. I'll keep praying for miracles, or that I'm able to live a little coexisting with this "condition". 

Hi @random alice - This broke my heart when I read it first yesterday because it is just everything I wish I could say to my CO. I hope that you feel stronger to join in with us, I know how hard it can be sometimes.

The video was interesting, the advice in particular. I did wonder if she was coming from a slightly different place to some of us here, but nevertheless it was an interesting watch.

I don't know what real love is. I found these words from @CrazyinLove rang so true. I love my husband but I've never had butterflies around him, not even in the early days. I know him, I care for him, I miss him when he goes away, he's attractive. I'm still here because of my kids/habit/financial dependency (and that last one is hard for me to admit to as a feminist). I don't know if people in long term relationships feel the same way, I can't talk to anyone about how I feel because I don't want it getting back to my husband and I don't need their judgement on me.

 

23 hours ago, CrazyinLove said:

My (ex)bf is my best friend, we're always togother but I've never been so in love with him the way I am with my CO's. I miss him when he's gone and I care about him, I know him so well, I  know he loves me back, I'm just not attracted to him and don't feel those butterflies anymore. I don't know if I ever did to this extent. It's one of the (many) reasons we're so close to a break up, despite all the 'love' or....the habit.

On the other hand my CO doesn't know I exits and I can never lose him because I never had him but I do sometimes feel as if he has helped me through tough times and that we do have memories. At least I do. That's probably how I built a connection with him in my head and now as a result I care about his happiness and health, I miss him when he's gone, which is a lot. More than you can imagine. I feel like I know him because I digged for answers, I also 'psychoanalyse' him all the time.

 

But my CO, I feel the same butterflies now that I did the first time I saw him. He doesn't really know I exist - I've met him but in his head I'm nothing more than a fan. But I feel such a strong connection. It goes back to what Random Alice said earlier - if it takes 30 years and I have a short time with him, that would better than nothing. If someone could just tell me now that's what will happen, I'll take it. I'll sit here and wait.

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1 hour ago, perfectcircle77 said:

I don't know what real love is. I found these words from @CrazyinLove rang so true. I love my husband but I've never had butterflies around him, not even in the early days. I know him, I care for him, I miss him when he goes away, he's attractive. I'm still here because of my kids/habit/financial dependency (and that last one is hard for me to admit to as a feminist). I don't know if people in long term relationships feel the same way, I can't talk to anyone about how I feel because I don't want it getting back to my husband and I don't need their judgement on me.

Those are pretty much the only reasons why my mom stayed with my dad too, so I'm sure it's true for lots of people. She was never head over heels in love with him- she just thought he was a good guy.

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@perfectcircle77 I'm not married nor financially dependent on him. I do love him but we have many problems. He's an addict and I constantly feel like I'm fighting a battle I can't win. I have a very addictive personality too. He does everything so I wouldn't notice his problem and it wouldn't affect me but it does. If nothing it doesn't help me solve my problems. I don't want to go down that path with him, but I'm too weak to break up. I don't know if I truly love him or I'm just addicted to this relationship. I can't figure out love. 

Wow, that was pathetic. Lel

I know this thread might not be the right place for this topic but my unhealty relaionship has been one of the reasons I've been stuck in this loop of bad habits and mental disorders like depression, binge eating, drinking, smoking.... and creating these obssessions.

I can't blame him for everything, obviously, I chose him. Also I had been depressed before I met him. I guess I was just looking for someone as broken as me. 

@OpalP25 , great post!

I'm so glad to have found this place, I'm really trying to work on my issues and see beyond the surface. I enjoy talking to you guys and I think getting personal here is inevitable. This is a depression forum after all.

 I wish I could be healthy and still enjoy my obssession but would that even be possible? Would I want them then? 

Or is that more like a drug addict saying he would like to quit and be sober but still occasionally enjoy drugs?

If I cure my depression will I have the need to have CO? Is the obssession an addiction or just a defence mechanism against depression? Or both? I think both.

Are you depressed?

I'm sorry, you don't have to answer any of these questions or give an opinion. I know I've been asking too many of them. I guess I just needed to vent. 

I hope you all have a good day! :)

 

 

Edited by CrazyinLove
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@CrazyinLove I think, for me at least, having a CO is both a coping mechanism and a result of an addictive personality. I've always been an obsessive person - even as a 2 year old child I was already having obsessions with TV shows and characters. It just seems to be the way my brain is wired.

The romantic celebrity obsessions started as a sort of mental escape during a very difficult period of my life. And obviously that's carried on to this day (almost 10 years later). But this CO is very different to my previous ones and has lasted six years and counting. It's almost like this whole celebrity obsession thing is like an alternative love life in my head (after all, I don't have much of a real love life) - the first COs were long-term relationships which didn't work out, and this one's the love of my (imaginary) life. Who knows if my teenage years had been less traumatic and I'd had more of a "normal" dating life, I might not be in this situation now?

Can an obsession ever be healthy? I think it can... but I feel like these sorts of obsessions usually come from an unhealthy place. For me, it's low self-esteem and painful events in my life which have been the root causes of my COs over the years. I do think it's possible though to get an obsession to a healthy, non-painful level which doesn't interfere with everyday life (like the girl in the video you posted had managed to do).

I don't think I'm clinically depressed, but I do experience a very extreme range of high and low moods and emotions, sometimes within quite short spaces of time. Maybe that's bipolar disorder, or it could just be my personality (I've always been like this).

Don't worry about asking too many questions - I like answering them! Hope you have a good day too! :)

Edited by OpalP25
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On 29.1.2017. at 11:38 PM, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Had a date with someone new today and couldn't wait to go home to resume my fantasy relationship with my CO. I'm so dysfunctional! lol

Lmao, I had another bad day with my bf, I felt so hopeless and miserable but then I went to the bedroom and watched a few videos of my new crush and instantly felt better.

It's bad because I recognise that that was just me running away from my real problems again.

But he just brings me joy, what can I do :roll2:

And it's weird because, as I said, I'm completely aware that it's just an obssession, as I know that he isn't that attractive and I don't know much about him, and yet somehow, despite not having much in common with him, I just can't get him out of my head. 

With my main CO I can 'justify' the obsession with my admiration of his art but that's not exactly the case with this actor, although I do think he's crazy talented. I believe It could have been the character he plays that drew me to him.

I guess this time around I'll just have to 'bear' with this feeling until it completely fades away and I feel embarrassed that I obsessed so much over some random tv guy lel...

 

Edited by CrazyinLove
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@OpalP25 thanks for answering my questions I hope I didn't come off as too creepy lel. I was thinking out loud and trying to understand myself better but I'm really glad you gave it a thought. 

We're very much alike. I guess we all are. I've been depressed but I'm not sure if it's clinical depression. I went to a psychiatrist once and he said it was mild depression combined with anxiety and back then I was in much worse place mentally than I am now.  

I don't know if an obssession can be healthy. I'm not sure if I would want to be obsessed forever even if I enjoyed it tbh. 

And I don't really believe that girl that she's happy and kepping it all rational as she claims to be tbh. But I could be wrong.

Edited by CrazyinLove
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@CrazyinLove Don't worry, I didn't find your questions creepy at all!

I agree that we're all very much alike. I suppose combinations of low self esteem, depression/anxiety and an obsessive/addictive personality probably quite often lead to these sorts of obsessions with famous people. It seems doubtful that anyone who's very confident and secure in themselves, with no mental health issues, would end up in a situation like this (though maybe I'm wrong about that).

Even though I enjoy my CO quite a lot of the time, I don't want to be obsessed forever either. What I'm hoping for is to meet someone in real life who I feel this way about (and who feels the same about me), and to "transfer" these obsessive romantic feelings onto them. But while I feel like I'd be truly happy and everything would be great for me if that did happen, it certainly wouldn't solve the issues that have caused me to have romantic obsessions. I tend to think sometimes that meeting "the one" would be the answer to all my problems, but I know deep down that what I really need to do in order to find happiness is to work on building my confidence, let go of things that happened in my past, and try to trust people a bit more.

And maybe I'm wrong, but I actually do believe the girl in the video was happy and doing well with her obsession. But her obsession seemed to be more of a fangirl type thing rather than an actual fixation with the celebrity as a person, as she was very clear about the fact that she didn't love him. I think being obsessed in that kind of way can be healthy - I mean, to a certain extent everyone's obsessed with something, just look at all those men out there and their sports teams (my CO's definitely obsessed with his favourite football team lol!) I suppose when an obsession becomes deeper than just admiration, that's when the problems begin.

 

Edited by OpalP25
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So I was just reading that my CO may be dating someone new and that made me a bit jealous. She's around the same age as I am (older than him) so that made me feel a little bit better, but I still don't like her, of course. lol Oh well...when you go looking for information, you can't be mad when you find it! Besides he's way too gorgeous and likeable to not be dating anyone, so it was inevitable. I can deal with it. :)

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