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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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Happy New Year!

It's 2017 and I've decided it's "New Year, New Beginnings".

@NCC I do feel that Steven is my soulmate. I don't know what attracted me to him, but I guess it was his zest for life. His genuine joy at doing his job, interviewing celebrities, being on the red carpet for awards shows, etc. Soon I fell in love with his accent, his outfits, his smile... Like I mentioned earlier, meeting him face to face is still a bucket list item, despite everything.

@nthngtll78 I feel the same way about both Steven and Constantine. Meeting them both face to face is bucket list material for me. I know I want to hug them and thank them for being an inspiration in my life.

I have a question for everyone: have you found yourself obsessed with any family members of your CO? For me, I find myself drawn to Constantine's daughter. She is the best little girl I know. I look forward to seeing pics of her, be it alone or with either of her parents. I have my alter ego sometimes fantasizing about having children of her own, even though she had a hysterectomy. Is it that I'm biased and only drawn to her only because of my obsession with Constantine?

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Happy New Year everyone!!! :Party_fest30:

5 hours ago, fabulousrockstar said:

I have a question for everyone: have you found yourself obsessed with any family members of your CO? For me, I find myself drawn to Constantine's daughter. She is the best little girl I know. I look forward to seeing pics of her, be it alone or with either of her parents. I have my alter ego sometimes fantasizing about having children of her own, even though she had a hysterectomy. Is it that I'm biased and only drawn to her only because of my obsession with Constantine?

That's an interesting question! I can't say I've become obsessed with any of my CO's family members, because there isn't really that much information out there about them. I know he doesn't have any brothers or sisters, and I haven't heard anything about any other family members apart from a small amount of information about his parents. But I do know they have a really cute dog who he seems to love spending time with! :icon12:

Don't worry, I sometimes dream about having a family with my CO too - I think that's quite normal. I've even chosen baby names... (hope that doesn't sound too creepy, lol!)

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@fabulousrockstar I don't even think about my COs family ... I have to ignore them for my sanity's sake.  I can't even read your entire post (sorry)...it would be a trigger, but you have every right to ask the question to others.  I'm very happy to see your opening line though.  I wish you the very best for those "new beginnings"....Happy 2017 to you!!

@OpalP25 I've even chosen baby names... (hope that doesn't sound too creepy, lol!)

Since the 1970s, long before I had children of my own, my alter-ego and my CO have had 3 children in my maladaptive daydreams...and of course I've named them all!  So whenever you feel "creepy" about your dreams, just think of me...you'll feel much better!! ? (In case you're wondering, no...I didn't name my boys the same names as the names I gave to my alter ego's children!  That would be creepy!! ?)

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Hi everybody and Happy New Year!!

I have only just discovered this forum, and it feels great to find so many good kind people who are experiencing the same thing as me, and I already feel less weird and alone.

I would like to share with you my CO story, which is a big deal for me, as this has been a total secret. In fact the only one who knows about it is my CO herself although she doesn't know the full extent of my feelings.

In my case it's a little unusual, as my CO is not an actress or singer but a member of the British royal family. Although she doesn't fit most people's idea of "a beautiful woman", she's very beautiful to me, and I was attracted to her charm and charisma, her strong energetic personality, her eyes, smile, voice... I liked the idea that her royal status makes her a special higher person (although my rational mind knows that's not true).

When I began to read her books, I started to appreciate her honesty, wisdom and her special way of seeing the world. I felt an emotional connection to her, because in her books she talked with such honesty about dealing with low self esteem and self hatred, and I felt that however different our backgrounds and life experiences, we had gone through similar emotional issues.

Things stepped up when I sent her a birthday present and a poem I wrote for her. I didn't talk about the true depth of my love or obsession, so as not to scare her off, so in the poem I focused on all the things I admired about her and how much I empathised with what she'd been through. 

Imagine my immense joy when I got the most beautiful hand written reply saying how much she loved my present and my poem!!

Over the next few years I sent her more letters, poems and birthday and Christmas gifts. Almost always she replied with more beautiful personally written cards to me, signed with her first name, not her official title! And sometimes even an x (kiss)!

By now I would spend hours looking for pics of her, reading and rereading her books, watching interview of her again and again. And I would fantasize about romantic love, platonic friendship, even being her servant or PA.

Then 3 years ago when she was visiting a hospital as charity patron, I waited for her outside, and when I saw her I was so nervous I could barely speak, but she remembered me for the poems and she was so friendly and kind and smiled her big smile and gave me a hug and it was the most magical moment!!

Other people have said on here that their CO is a coping mechanism, and that's definitely my case. Thinking of her is something pure and beautiful that's always there for me.

I always felt that realistically the most I can be for her is a fan, and I feel happy to have made a difference to her life and brought a smile to her face with my support. And I feel so grateful for the respect and appreciation she has given me in return. But at times it hurt that she would never know how much I really care for her.
 
This has always been a total secret because I know that my family and friends would never understand this and would just think I'm weird. Especially as the UK media usually portrays my wonderful royal lady as being frivolous and selfish and spending too much money, and it's so cruel and bears no resemblance to the decent, honest, kind person she is. But to keep my secret I don't speak up for her, which feels like a betrayal!

In recent times I feel this is more under control, compartmentalized in one part of my mind, not taking over my life. I don't write to her so often. But I don't feel ready to let go of her, and I know I will always care for her.

Thanks for reading this! Sharing my story has been really cathartic for me, and I hope to contribute to the ongoing discussions!

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1 hour ago, SeSa said:

Hi everybody and Happy New Year!!

I have only just discovered this forum, and it feels great to find so many good kind people who are experiencing the same thing as me, and I already feel less weird and alone.

I would like to share with you my CO story, which is a big deal for me, as this has been a total secret. In fact the only one who knows about it is my CO herself although she doesn't know the full extent of my feelings.

In my case it's a little unusual, as my CO is not an actress or singer but a member of the British royal family. Although she doesn't fit most people's idea of "a beautiful woman", she's very beautiful to me, and I was attracted to her charm and charisma, her strong energetic personality, her eyes, smile, voice... I liked the idea that her royal status makes her a special higher person (although my rational mind knows that's not true).

When I began to read her books, I started to appreciate her honesty, wisdom and her special way of seeing the world. I felt an emotional connection to her, because in her books she talked with such honesty about dealing with low self esteem and self hatred, and I felt that however different our backgrounds and life experiences, we had gone through similar emotional issues.

Things stepped up when I sent her a birthday present and a poem I wrote for her. I didn't talk about the true depth of my love or obsession, so as not to scare her off, so in the poem I focused on all the things I admired about her and how much I empathised with what she'd been through. 

Imagine my immense joy when I got the most beautiful hand written reply saying how much she loved my present and my poem!!

Over the next few years I sent her more letters, poems and birthday and Christmas gifts. Almost always she replied with more beautiful personally written cards to me, signed with her first name, not her official title! And sometimes even an x (kiss)!

By now I would spend hours looking for pics of her, reading and rereading her books, watching interview of her again and again. And I would fantasize about romantic love, platonic friendship, even being her servant or PA.

Then 3 years ago when she was visiting a hospital as charity patron, I waited for her outside, and when I saw her I was so nervous I could barely speak, but she remembered me for the poems and she was so friendly and kind and smiled her big smile and gave me a hug and it was the most magical moment!!

Other people have said on here that their CO is a coping mechanism, and that's definitely my case. Thinking of her is something pure and beautiful that's always there for me.

I always felt that realistically the most I can be for her is a fan, and I feel happy to have made a difference to her life and brought a smile to her face with my support. And I feel so grateful for the respect and appreciation she has given me in return. But at times it hurt that she would never know how much I really care for her.
 
This has always been a total secret because I know that my family and friends would never understand this and would just think I'm weird. Especially as the UK media usually portrays my wonderful royal lady as being frivolous and selfish and spending too much money, and it's so cruel and bears no resemblance to the decent, honest, kind person she is. But to keep my secret I don't speak up for her, which feels like a betrayal!

In recent times I feel this is more under control, compartmentalized in one part of my mind, not taking over my life. I don't write to her so often. But I don't feel ready to let go of her, and I know I will always care for her.

Thanks for reading this! Sharing my story has been really cathartic for me, and I hope to contribute to the ongoing discussions!

Welcome @SeSa and thanks for sharing your story! I'm glad to hear that meeting your CO was a positive experience for you!

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@SeSa Welcome to our thread.  Your story made me smile....your friends and family may never understand how this made you feel, but we do.  I'm so glad that meeting her made you so happy,  That's the way everything should work out.  Thank you for sharing your story with us! :hugs:

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Welcome @SeSa  :smile:

I'm glad you have had such a positive experience with your CO and that sharing your story has been cathartic. I felt the same way when I arrived here and started sharing my story. Everyone here certainly knows what it's like to admire and feel greatly connected with a celebrity, even if it doesn't make sense to the average person. 

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I just sent The Letter to Steven. Left out the marriage proposal and made a few edits. I think I got my point across clearly. I also promised never to have any contact with him again after this, nor to like any of his posts/pictures on social media.

PLEASE send good mojo my way, pray for me, whatever, that this doesn't come back to bite me in the rear end.

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19 minutes ago, fabulousrockstar said:

I just sent The Letter to Steven. Left out the marriage proposal and made a few edits. I think I got my point across clearly. I also promised never to have any contact with him again after this, nor to like any of his posts/pictures on social media.

PLEASE send good mojo my way, pray for me, whatever, that this doesn't come back to bite me in the rear end.

Many, many positive thoughts, energy & prayers being sent out for you from me.  Good luck!  :hugs:

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On 12/31/2016 at 6:46 PM, LostLink said:

I have sort of an amalgamated crush on some musicians. I often listen to my "Venus in Pisces" playlist and just pine and pine and pine away for some being I've never even met.... like in a past life I had a veritable Juliet and still can feel it. A wife of the heart I don't know if I'll ever know in this lifetime. That playlist is almost nothing but Cat Power, Goldfrapp, Portishead, and Daughter.

I had a playlist going that for split second I thought I would send to the singer of Daughter. One of my favorite Daughter songs is called Amsterdam. I knew this woman in a mental health group who looked a bit like the singer. The same kind of hair, and the same kind of adorable and fragile way of interacting that made you just want to hold them and protect them forever, but with a true emotional fire within. I would catch her meditating in the middle of class and felt so drawn to her. Anyways, I had already projected my feelings about the singer onto this woman IRL a little bit, though I tried not to. I thought it was harmless, I still think it was. But when I met her and we became close, I saw at one point that she had a key chain that said "Amsterdam" on it, I was truly floored. We also had many synchronicities that made me think there might be some truth to the idea that we plan some of our lives in advance and that our souls decide to interact with each other in the incarnated realm. I told her about how the number 9 is truly magic and that if she sees 9 in a future life to think of me, and I'll think of her when I hear her dog's name which was also my sister's name, which is a rare one.

While I'm at it, sometimes I look at pictures of Milla Jovovich and it almost hurts seeing such beauty. I'm not obsessed but I've always maintained.... that she is my one movie star crush.

I am so sorry your post got overlooked all day....welcome to the thread!  

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Happy New Year everyone. Unfortunately 2017 isn't getting off to a good start for me. Earlier tonight my CO announced that he was leaving his group to pursue something else. I've had a feeling that this was coming, but that didn't prepare me for how I'd feel when it did. I so wanted to be wrong! It feels so much worse than I thought it would, though I knew it'd be bad. I think what makes it even worse is that the holidays have had me feeling even more depressed and lonely than usual so I've been in a rough place anyway. Then this happened.

I've been trying to distract myself with little success. If I think about it, I start crying. It just breaks my heart to think that he won't be with them anymore. Plus I'm worried I'll never get to hear him sing again and he has such an incredible voice. His voice is what drew me to him in the first place. 

21 hours ago, fabulousrockstar said:

I have a question for everyone: have you found yourself obsessed with any family members of your CO? 

Not his family members, no, but in a way about the other guys in the group. He may be my CO, but I really like all of the guys. They're part of the fantasy in that in my fantasy world I'm good friends with all of them; close enough to where they're more like brothers. I think part of that is due to me wishing that I had a supportive sibling I could be friends with. I do have a couple of brothers, but while we get along okay on the rare occasion we see each other, we don't really speak. They live in another state anyway. But yeah, I spend more time thinking about my CO himself and the relationship I imagine us to have, but the other guys definitely play a part.

Once again I find myself having to remember to keep the fantasy separate from the sad reality. At least he'll still be in the group there. But I'm really struggling with this news. That and one of the other guys is getting married soon and, assuming my CO will be there, I'm already dreading stumbling across pictures of him with a date. Of course, the flipside of this is that it will make me sad if he's *not* at the wedding. I didn't get the impression that he's leaving on bad terms at all from his post, but you never know. Especially since the other guys haven't addressed it yet. But since I like all of them, I want them to still be friends. This all gets so exhausting! And again, I remind myself to keep the fantasy separate. 

On a happy note, one of my former CO's (the one before this one) just got married and I am genuinely happy for him. Especially since he and his now wife seem so well suited for each other. But it's nice to be in a place where I can still be a fan and like him, but without the pain. That gives me some hope. 

Sending you some good thoughts and prayers about your letter, @fabulousrockstar!

Edited by musiclover83
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Welcome to the thread @LostLink :smile:

Quote

I knew this woman in a mental health group who looked a bit like the singer. The same kind of hair, and the same kind of adorable and fragile way of interacting that made you just want to hold them and protect them forever, but with a true emotional fire within.

^ I love that. That's such a beautiful thing to say. 

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@musiclover83 I'm sorry that happened :(  I can relate to feeling more lonely and depressed than usual around the holidays. It does magnify the pain. That's terrible, what you're going through. We try to prepare ourselves for bad news, but it never works. I have a lot of experience with that too. 

I have failed utterly at keeping fantasy and reality separate (that has been my real downfall). The fact that you are acknowledging the possibility of holding onto the fantasy and not letting the recent news affect you is a positive sign. That should give you a lot of hope, to know that you have it in you to take control. Reality sucks. If you're blessed with a steadfast and manageable fantasy life that doesn't cause you too much pain, you're golden. 

I think you will hear your CO sing again :happy:  Singers hardly ever put down their singing voices for good. You never know what's in store!  Maybe you're in for something great from him, and maybe it will just take time. 

 

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To @HopelessRomantic2011, @Audrey822 and @posie_riot - thank you so much for your comments - your positivity and understanding means so much!

@fabulousrockstar I'm wishing you success with all my heart for your letter! I know the feeling of writing to your CO, like sending a little piece of your soul out there. Best luck!

 

@HopelessRomantic2011@fabulousrockstar@Audrey822

@fabulousrockstar

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9 hours ago, musiclover83 said:

Happy New Year everyone.Earlier tonight my CO announced that he was leaving his group to pursue something else. I've had a feeling that this was coming, but that didn't prepare me for how I'd feel when it did. I so wanted to be wrong! It feels so much worse than I thought it would, though I knew it'd be bad. I think what makes it even worse is that the holidays have had me feeling even more depressed and lonely than usual so I've been in a rough place anyway. Then this happened.

Welcome back, and Happy New Year! ? I'm so sorry this happened....but I hope it might make you feel better to know that my CO left his band a few times and came back a few times, so you never know...your CO may return to his group too.  

9 hours ago, musiclover83 said:

Not his family members, no, but in a way about the other guys in the group. He may be my CO, but I really like all of the guys. They're part of the fantasy [...]  I spend more time thinking about my CO himself and the relationship I imagine us to have, but the other guys definitely play a part.

In my case, substitute "alter ego" for myself and what I quoted above would apply to me too

9 hours ago, musiclover83 said:

Once again I find myself having to remember to keep the fantasy separate from the sad reality. At least he'll still be in the group there. But I'm really struggling with this news. That and one of the other guys is getting married soon and, assuming my CO will be there, I'm already dreading stumbling across pictures of him with a date. Of course, the flipside of this is that it will make me sad if he's *not* at the wedding. I didn't get the impression that he's leaving on bad terms at all from his post, but you never know. Especially since the other guys haven't addressed it yet. But since I like all of them, I want them to still be friends. This all gets so exhausting! And again, I remind myself to keep the fantasy separate. 

 

When bad things happen, it's really important to focus on separating the fantasy from reality....we have to hold on to the fantasy at all costs.  When things like this happen, it's really a struggle, and I DO understand how exhausting it can be.....but the struggle is worth it.  I wish you luck to get through this.  Come back anytime for support if you need us.  ((hugs)) 

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TY Audrey and Posie. Posie, I know what you mean about the fantasy comment. As positive as I ultimately feel about the nature of reality, there is something seriously messed up about the slice of a slice of reality that occupies our "3D physical realm" and I absolutely need fantasy to cope. If I try to "bulldoze through" reality when I'm not already in a positive state, it will be a temporary thing that I need to recuperate from. The only way 'intense presence' and 'radical acceptance' helps me in the mundane world is when that leads to some sort of comfort or pleasure/bliss in some way.

Audrey, thank you for the kind welcome. I'm into numerology and my lifepath number is 8, and expression number is 22. Also I'm virtually meeting you here when you have 2,222 posts. And your gif image of Hello Kitty with a coffee mug is coinciding with someone I deeply cared about who contacted me out of the blue recently who I get to see tonight after a long time. She had a Hello Kitty cup that she let me keep as a memento. I'm totally blown away by all of that.

Edit: Oh and happy new year/365th page of this thread!

Edit #2: The very top post on this 365th page is also a New Year blessing, first words exactly, even. Not the most mindblowing coincidence, but pretty rad.

Edited by LostLink
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50 minutes ago, LostLink said:

TY Audrey and Posie. Posie, I know what you mean about the fantasy comment. As positive as I ultimately feel about the nature of reality, there is something seriously messed up about the slice of a slice of reality that occupies our "3D physical realm" and I absolutely need fantasy to cope. If I try to "bulldoze through" reality when I'm not already in a positive state, it will be a temporary thing that I need to recuperate from. The only way 'intense presence' and 'radical acceptance' helps me in the mundane world is when that leads to some sort of comfort or pleasure/bliss in some way.

Audrey, thank you for the kind welcome. I'm into numerology and my lifepath number is 8, and expression number is 22. Also I'm virtually meeting you here when you have 2,222 posts. And your gif image of Hello Kitty with a coffee mug is coinciding with someone I deeply cared about who contacted me out of the blue recently who I get to see tonight after a long time. She had a Hello Kitty cup that she let me keep as a memento. I'm totally blown away by all of that.

Edit: Oh and happy new year/365th page of this thread!

Edit #2: The very top post on this 365th page is also a New Year blessing, first words exactly, even. Not the most mindblowing coincidence, but pretty rad.

I've been pretty blown away by some amazing coincidences myself lately (between my CO and myself...I can't share them all here because they might give away who he is, and I can't do that to him) ... so your post here really means something to me.  I think "coincidences" happen for a reason.  I'm into numbers myself, but the reason for the choice of 8 & 22 behind my username is pretty simple.  I'm a Dallas Cowboys fan and during the best years in the 1990s, two of their best players wore those numbers....quarterback Troy Aikman wore #8 and running back Emmitt Smith wore #22.  I sometimes use my birthdate or my COs birthdate for other things, but I can't reveal those number combinations here either.  In my real life, Hello Kitty is everywhere (a character that always makes me smile ?)...I'm glad to hear about that "coincidence" too.  

I'm glad you're here! 

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I have this same exact issue. It's been with one celebrity the majority of my life. Despite a 30 year age gap, I am a 22 year old female, he is a 52 year old male, I don't mind. I'd be satisfied if I met him face to face, although I believe I could more than likely find a way to keep him in my life for a longer period of time, if I tried. I've never met him. Not yet. I just feel so insane, like my brain wracks itself over and over trying to figure out what the deal is, why I feel this way about some man that has no knowledge of my existence. I wish I could just hide away somewhere until I figure out how to solve this problem. I've struggled for years trying to do so.

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Welcome, @DeadBroadway ... maybe there's no other reason other than you just find this man attractive.  Or maybe you love something about him.  If there's more to it than that, it will come to you when you're ready to know it.  In the meantime, just enjoy it and realize you're not insane....there are many of us who do what you do.  

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Welcome @LostLink @SeSa & @DeadBroadway - I hope finding this thread and seeing that you are not alone has been a help to you. Sesa - it's great that you've had such a positive experience meeting your CO.

@fabulousrockstar - Firstly, lots of good mojo heading your way re the letter. To answer your earlier question, not his family members no, but then there is precious little information out there about them anyway so it'd be hard to find anything out. However I do totally fantasize about having a family with my CO (even though I'm pushing the too old bracket) and in my daydreams, we have a baby together, so no, @OpalP25 not creepy to have thought of things like that.

Three days to go and I am just a mess. My husband is saying, "We should wait around after the show and see if we can see them," meaning my CO and one other member of the group who always come out and say hi and take pics with any fans who are waiting when the show's finished. My husband thinks he's offering to do this lovely thing for me because I enjoy the show and the four guys so much. And I do really want to meet him and I don't think he's going to see me and want me to run away with him (although, you know, it'd be nice if he did).

But if we do this (and my husband will think it weird if I don't want to do this) I don't know what to say to my CO. I don't want him to think I'm just another awkward nervous fan, I want to talk to him almost like an equal but I have massive anxiety and have no idea what to say. I wish I had buckets of self confidence and could just be flirty with him or something instead of being this nervous almost 40 year old acting like a giggling teenager. Today I'm wishing I'd never seen the show in the first place.

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@perfectcircle77, thanks for your kind words and I hope YOU have a positive experience with your CO too!! Maybe you could think of some things to say, write them down, memorise them, maybe start with simple questions like how was the gig, the vibe from the crowd, is he writing any new songs etc, and imagine how the conversation might go, what you could say in return.

It's kind of ironic that I'm giving you this advice, as when I met my CO I was a total mess I was so nervous, and it was her that made it a positive experience by putting me at ease with how she talked to me. But I know that if (when!) I meet her again, I'm going to memorise some things to say so I don't just stand there babbling!!? Best luck in the world!!

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On 01/01/2017 at 10:13 AM, fabulousrockstar said:

Happy New Year!

It's 2017 and I've decided it's "New Year, New Beginnings".

@NCC I do feel that Steven is my soulmate. I don't know what attracted me to him, but I guess it was his zest for life. His genuine joy at doing his job, interviewing celebrities, being on the red carpet for awards shows, etc. Soon I fell in love with his accent, his outfits, his smile... Like I mentioned earlier, meeting him face to face is still a bucket list item, despite everything.

@nthngtll78 I feel the same way about both Steven and Constantine. Meeting them both face to face is bucket list material for me. I know I want to hug them and thank them for being an inspiration in my life.

I have a question for everyone: have you found yourself obsessed with any family members of your CO? For me, I find myself drawn to Constantine's daughter. She is the best little girl I know. I look forward to seeing pics of her, be it alone or with either of her parents. I have my alter ego sometimes fantasizing about having children of her own, even though she had a hysterectomy. Is it that I'm biased and only drawn to her only because of my obsession with Constantine?

CO family members? For me, yes! My CO is divorced with 2 daughters who are in their 20s, and I'm fascinated by them, and love seeing pics of CO with her girls. She has such a strong relationship with them that I couldn't imagine our fantasy life together without them, and I often imagine us all 4 together hanging out, and them accepting me like part of the family. On the real life side, they seem like great girls and I want them to be happy in life, so it made me sad when 1 daughter split recently with her long time BF as I'd imagined them getting married!

On another topic, I loved what @posie_riot said: "If you're blessed with a steadfast and manageable fantasy life that doesn't cause you too much pain, you're golden".

Since discovering this forum, I've begun to realise 2 fundamental things:

1. That the fantasy life in inself is not bad, if the overall impact on your life is positive and you're in control. (Of course that's the key, and I imagine for most of us - certainly for me - it's that "being in control" that can be the hardest thing!)

2. That although the fantasy isn't real, it's based on something that IS very real - a sincere, genuine and intense love towards another human being, regardless of whether that person could ever reciprocate or even understand it! That is something too pure and beautiful to be wrong!

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