Jump to content

Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


Recommended Posts

Welcome @BlueStarr

I dither about meeting my CO. I want to because my heart thinks it would be this magical moment probably not unlike my dream but my head says it'll be a two minute fan thing and then I'll have to walk away. If I did meet him, I know I'd spend the next eleventy billion years overanalysing every last second of the whole thing, as I do with everything.

It is just over 3 weeks until we go to their show. I've considered hanging around afterwards because my CO always comes out and talks to fans when he leaves the venue and does pictures with them. That would be amazing. But it's likely to be at least an hour after the show ends (they have the official meet and greets after the show) and I can't see my husband being keen to hang around outside for an hour and it would undoubtedly make him rather suspicious. But we found out this week they are actually coming to our city later next year. Of course I definitely want to go - tickets go on sale soon and I am at that point now where I have to consider, do I fork out for the meet and greet ticket and actually meet him or do I not but then always regret it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Opal25 and emilydresar1983,

The problem with thinking meeting a CO will help you move on is that it won't. I can say that from my own personal experience, the more you meet a CO, the more you'll WANT to. The less he responds the way you want, the more you will want him to. For me, it's too late to go back to the innocence of believing that meeting a CO can help me "move on" from anything. It won't, but it's too late for me to go back and undo meeting my CO and go back to the happy dream of meeting my CO and imagine how wonderful it will be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 minutes ago, perfectcircle77 said:

Welcome @BlueStarr

I dither about meeting my CO. I want to because my heart thinks it would be this magical moment probably not unlike my dream but my head says it'll be a two minute fan thing and then I'll have to walk away. If I did meet him, I know I'd spend the next eleventy billion years overanalysing every last second of the whole thing, as I do with everything.

It is just over 3 weeks until we go to their show. I've considered hanging around afterwards because my CO always comes out and talks to fans when he leaves the venue and does pictures with them. That would be amazing. But it's likely to be at least an hour after the show ends (they have the official meet and greets after the show) and I can't see my husband being keen to hang around outside for an hour and it would undoubtedly make him rather suspicious. But we found out this week they are actually coming to our city later next year. Of course I definitely want to go - tickets go on sale soon and I am at that point now where I have to consider, do I fork out for the meet and greet ticket and actually meet him or do I not but then always regret it?

I think you could just tell your husband that you really want to do the meet and greet because it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. He can know you're a fan. He doesn't have to know you're meeting a CO. If you forego this chance to meet him for your husband's sake, you might end up resenting your husband, since he is the reason you'd be sacrificing it, so I think you should go for it, for your own sake, as well as for the sake of your marriage! :smile:

Edited by BlueStarr
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@BlueStarr I can totally relate to the feeling of not having anything (or not much) else to look forward to, except meeting my CO. I have recently started feeling really down about it...more than ever before. I would LOVE to be able to find any comparable pleasure in my "real life" again but you know... it's hard. My CO still occupies like 80% of my daily thoughts...no matter how busy I am with other matters. I never succeed in forgetting about him completely. He is always "there", in the moments that I have to solve other everyday matters or talk to people, he seems to "take a nap" but then, he pops out again on the nearest occassion possible. I practically live with him, no matter how mad it may seem. I sort of get annoyed with him at times as well... it's like a real relationship, he is just living in my head. I would often like to "get rid of him" but not really. I can't live "with him", but without him... not at all. Now what? ?

Anyways, I sort of envy you that your CO is a musician. Musicians have concerts and are relatively 'easier' to meet, in my opinion. Mine's an actor and unless a miracle happens and I bump into someone who really knows him in person and would be able and willing to introduce me to him (dream on! ?)... I seem to be condemned to standing behind the barricades at "screaming movie premieres" ever after. Not really happy about that! ??

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

2 minutes ago, emilydresar1983 said:

@BlueStarr I can totally relate to the feeling of not having anything (or not much) else to look forward to, except meeting my CO. I have recently started feeling really down about it...more than ever before. I would LOVE to be able to find any comparable pleasure in my "real life" again but you know... it's hard. My CO still occupies like 80% of my daily thoughts...no matter how busy I am with other matters. I never succeed in forgetting about him completely. He is always "there", in the moments that I have to solve other everyday matters or talk to people, he seems to "take a nap" but then, he pops out again on the nearest occassion possible. I practically live with him, no matter how mad it may seem. I sort of get annoyed with him at times as well... it's like a real relationship, he is just living in my head. I would often like to "get rid of him" but not really. I can't live "with him", but without him... not at all. Now what? ?

Anyways, I sort of envy you that your CO is a musician. Musicians have concerts and are relatively 'easier' to meet, in my opinion. Mine's an actor and unless a miracle happens and I bump into someone who really knows him in person and would be able and willing to introduce me to him (dream on! ?)... I seem to be condemned to standing behind the barricades at "screaming movie premieres" ever after. Not really happy about that! ??

I didn't say my CO was a musician. I think you are getting me mixed up with the poster who had a musician as a CO. That's okay. It doesn't matter. My CO is somewhat easy to meet, the same as a musician would be.

I have had COs who were hard to meet too, so I know what that's like too. It's not fun.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 minutes ago, BlueStarr said:

I think you could just tell your husband that you really want to do the meet and greet because it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. He can know you're a fan. He doesn't have to know you're meeting a CO. If you forego this chance to meet him for your husband's sake, you might end up resenting your husband, since he is the reason you'd be sacrificing it, so I think you should go for it, for your own sake, as well as for the sake of your marriage! :smile:

@perfectcircle77,

I realize I am contradicting myself here. First I tell people that meeting a CO won't be satisfying. (It usually isn't.) Then I am encouraging people to go for it. I feel that people should pursue their dreams, even if the end result may not be what one is hoping for. If you deny your dreams for the sake of someone else, that can turn into a source of resentment toward the person you are sacrificing for. (I know that from personal experience too.)

Edited by BlueStarr
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@BlueStarr oh, I must have confused it with someone else when I said your CO is a musician... sorry about that. You are right, it's not easy to have a CO who is difficult to meet. In the case of mine, even the "two-minute meeting" you guys were talking about is hard to get. You are also right that despite all our wishes, meeting COs will NOT make us move on, but just want more. (I should know that myself... I saw my CO twice last summer and it only made me long for MORE. ?) I guess that once it will just have to come to an end one way or another, but I'm not really what I shall fo about that... one thing is for sure. I don't want to end it now. I'm still not done yet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, emilydresar1983 said:

@BlueStarr I can totally relate to the feeling of not having anything (or not much) else to look forward to, except meeting my CO. I have recently started feeling really down about it...more than ever before. I would LOVE to be able to find any comparable pleasure in my "real life" again but you know... it's hard. My CO still occupies like 80% of my daily thoughts...no matter how busy I am with other matters. I never succeed in forgetting about him completely. He is always "there", in the moments that I have to solve other everyday matters or talk to people, he seems to "take a nap" but then, he pops out again on the nearest occassion possible. I practically live with him, no matter how mad it may seem. I sort of get annoyed with him at times as well... it's like a real relationship, he is just living in my head. I would often like to "get rid of him" but not really. I can't live "with him", but without him... not at all. Now what? ?

Anyways, I sort of envy you that your CO is a musician. Musicians have concerts and are relatively 'easier' to meet, in my opinion. Mine's an actor and unless a miracle happens and I bump into someone who really knows him in person and would be able and willing to introduce me to him (dream on! ?)... I seem to be condemned to standing behind the barricades at "screaming movie premieres" ever after. Not really happy about that! ??

Yeah, I'm sure having an actor CO or someone who's super famous and hard to meet is tough. There have been a few actors that I obsessed over a bit, but it never goes as far as my musician crushes. But I do like Ben Barnes and would be pretty excited to meet him. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, BlueStarr said:

Thanks to everyone who welcomed me. :smile:

I guess I'm in the "he-already-ruined-it" camp. I am neither in a place where I am longing to have my CO know about me, since my CO already knows about me, nor am I in the realm of daydreaming, so I have nothing to protect. Meeting a CO has never been satisfying for me and it seems they always have a way of ruining it. Yet I still want to meet them again, because I want a beautiful memory to look back on (where nothing goes wrong). I guess one could say I am also in the "I-want-my-CO-to-know-me-better" camp and if that ever happened, I have a feeling I still wouldn't be satisfied. I guess that makes me crazy and irrational!

You're not crazy or irrational. You sound just the opposite to me. Meeting a CO has never gone well for anyone here that I can recall. Almost everyone has come away from that meeting over-analyzing a look on their CO's face, or something he said and/or the tone of voice he used if he spoke to them.  But everyone seems to think they'll be the one who will be different. If such a meeting has gone well for anyone, I can't recall reading about it. And I would also say that unless they're dating the CO now, their disappointment makes sense to me. I'm not in the "I just want my CO to know I exist" camp. He knows I exist now...and, as wonderful as that feels, it's not my ultimate goal because this was never about me. It's about him. Maybe I'm the only one of the few here who truly loves the man I refer to as my CO? If you truly love someone, moving on, getting on with your life without him, is not something you ever think about. If you love someone, that thought is frightening. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@emilydresar1983 Like you, I feel I've invested far too much time and emotional energy into this obsession to not at least try to see it through to some sort of satisfying conclusion. My daydreams are nice but I want and need more than just daydreams in my life now. Having an actual relationship with my CO has always been the end goal for me, and the only way of finding out whether there's any possibility of that happening is to meet him.

@BlueStarr Unfortunately, I think you're probably right that if I met my CO and things didn't go as I hoped, I still wouldn't be able to move on... All the same, I want to give it a try. 

If I don't meet my CO: I will certainly never have a relationship with him. I will spend the next God knows how many years of my life continuing to wonder whether someone who doesn't know I exist might be my true love, and never having a real relationship for this reason.

If I do meet my CO: Tiny chance that my dreams will come true (which makes it totally worth trying in my opinion). Big chance that meeting him won't be as good as I want, and I'll end up feeling unsatisfied and unable to move on. BUT I'll certainly never feel satisfied or able to move on if I don't try to meet him.

So the decision's fairly simple for me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

43 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

You're not crazy or irrational. You sound just the opposite to me. Meeting a CO has never gone well for anyone here that I can recall. Almost everyone has come away from that meeting over-analyzing a look on their CO's face, or something he said and/or the tone of voice he used if he spoke to them.  But everyone seems to think they'll be the one who will be different. If such a meeting has gone well for anyone, I can't recall reading about it. And I would also say that unless they're dating the CO now, their disappointment makes sense to me. I'm not in the "I just want my CO to know I exist" camp. He knows I exist now...and, as wonderful as that feels, it's not my ultimate goal because this was never about me. It's about him. Maybe I'm the only one of the few here who truly loves the man I refer to as my CO? If you truly love someone, moving on, getting on with your life without him, is not something you ever think about. If you love someone, that thought is frightening. 

I wrote you a private message about this.

Edited by BlueStarr
Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 minutes ago, OpalP25 said:

@emilydresar1983 Like you, I feel I've invested far too much time and emotional energy into this obsession to not at least try to see it through to some sort of satisfying conclusion. My daydreams are nice but I want and need more than just daydreams in my life now. Having an actual relationship with my CO has always been the end goal for me, and the only way of finding out whether there's any possibility of that happening is to meet him.

@BlueStarr Unfortunately, I think you're probably right that if I met my CO and things didn't go as I hoped, I still wouldn't be able to move on... All the same, I want to give it a try. 

If I don't meet my CO: I will certainly never have a relationship with him. I will spend the next God knows how many years of my life continuing to wonder whether someone who doesn't know I exist might be my true love, and never having a real relationship for this reason.

If I do meet my CO: Tiny chance that my dreams will come true (which makes it totally worth trying in my opinion). Big chance that meeting him won't be as good as I want, and I'll end up feeling unsatisfied and unable to move on. BUT I'll certainly never feel satisfied or able to move on if I don't try to meet him.

So the decision's fairly simple for me.

I guess it's a lose/lose situation. You can't move on if you don't meet them, yet you can't move on if you do. (I'm speaking for myself too.)

Edited by BlueStarr
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Audrey822 The thought of moving on from my CO is definitely very frightening for me. But the thought that I'll never find real, reciprocated love frightens me a whole lot more. I do love my CO and care about him very much. But I can't continue to live like this for the rest of my life, dreaming about a man I've never met.

I desperately want to get married and have kids - these are things that I strongly feel I'm meant to do in my life. And of course I hope to do these things with a man I'm in love with, who returns my feelings. I know deep down it's highly unlikely that I'll end up with my CO. So if I can't be with him, I want to be with someone who I love just as much as him. But the problem is I'm too hung up on the idea of being with him, that it seems to be impossible for me to develop feelings for anyone else.

5 or 10 years from now, I don't want to still be obsessed with my CO (unless I'm actually in a relationship with him). I just want to be in a happy relationship with someone I'm deeply in love with.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, OpalP25 said:

@emilydresar1983 Like you, I feel I've invested far too much time and emotional energy into this obsession to not at least try to see it through to some sort of satisfying conclusion. My daydreams are nice but I want and need more than just daydreams in my life now. Having an actual relationship with my CO has always been the end goal for me, and the only way of finding out whether there's any possibility of that happening is to meet him.

@BlueStarr Unfortunately, I think you're probably right that if I met my CO and things didn't go as I hoped, I still wouldn't be able to move on... All the same, I want to give it a try. 

If I don't meet my CO: I will certainly never have a relationship with him. I will spend the next God knows how many years of my life continuing to wonder whether someone who doesn't know I exist might be my true love, and never having a real relationship for this reason.

If I do meet my CO: Tiny chance that my dreams will come true (which makes it totally worth trying in my opinion). Big chance that meeting him won't be as good as I want, and I'll end up feeling unsatisfied and unable to move on. BUT I'll certainly never feel satisfied or able to move on if I don't try to meet him.

So the decision's fairly simple for me.

@BlueStarr 

@OpalP25 my thoughts exactly. All of them. We are absolutely in the same boat when it comes to the CO thing. 

I am also not sure whether actually meeting the CO could help me move on but there is no other way than going out there and trying it. As you said, there IS a tiny chance of gaining some kind of relationship with one's CO, even if it's not a romantic kind but IMO still worth it. I am not satisfied with 'just' daydreams at this point. Anything "real" I can get is better than "nothing". 

@Audrey822 I can understand why you don't want to meet your CO and protect your daydreams at all costs. I have been thinking about myself and you may be right - maybe I don't love my CO the way you love yours. Frankly speaking, I don't want him "in my life" forever. It often frustrates me too bad that I have this obsession. I want to find love, sure... but I only or almost exclusively want to love someone who will love me back. The difference between us is that you have been able to keep the nice fantasy about your CO with your AE... whereas I haven't been able to keep it at that... And since I know the CO will never be with myself...(which is the only thing I would REALLY want "from him")... I know that I will have to move on one day. I am now putting it off because I still have no one in my real life, so the CO serves as an object of my affection and warm daydreams about love, but I feel I don't want to live in this ilusion forever. Maybe I don't love the CO all that much and I'm being selfish? ? I don't know. But sooner or later, I will definitely have to get over it... And I want it too. Because I have a feeling (speaking for myself!) that it's going nowhere.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, OpalP25 said:

@Audrey822 The thought of moving on from my CO is definitely very frightening for me. But the thought that I'll never find real, reciprocated love frightens me a whole lot more. I do love my CO and care about him very much. But I can't continue to live like this for the rest of my life, dreaming about a man I've never met.

I desperately want to get married and have kids - these are things that I strongly feel I'm meant to do in my life. And of course I hope to do these things with a man I'm in love with, who returns my feelings. I know deep down it's highly unlikely that I'll end up with my CO. So if I can't be with him, I want to be with someone who I love just as much as him. But the problem is I'm too hung up on the idea of being with him, that it seems to be impossible for me to develop feelings for anyone else.

5 or 10 years from now, I don't want to still be obsessed with my CO (unless I'm actually in a relationship with him). I just want to be in a happy relationship with someone I'm deeply in love with.

I get that. :hugs: I've already experienced all that (not that the marriage went well, and I never found real love with someone who reciprocated, but I do have two wonderful children, and I wouldn't trade that life experience for anything.) My situation is different from most (much) younger and/or single people here, I'm aware of that. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@OpalP25 Your last post. ? Again, we basically said the same thing... in different words.

Yes. I love my CO but I know I'll never be with him (not saying it can't happen at all, for everything can happen in life... but yeah, we all know it's highly unlikely). But I'm soon turning 34. Divorced, childless. I still want to have a family on my own and my CO won't provide me with that. I want to re-marry and have a partner who will return my love all the way back. So as much as I don't want to give up the CO dream... I know that the day will come and I will have to. In that moment, I hope it won't feel as that much of a 'sacrifice' anymore because I will have someone to love (hopefully as much as I love(d) my CO or more) in "real life."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Audrey822, That's too bad that you had a bad experience.

Well, I guess I can say a brief version of what I wanted to say in private. My CO already knows me and I am not sure that is a good thing. I would like him to truly know that I am sincere because I am afraid he might misunderstand who I really am.) At the same time, I love him beyond just that. I don't know if I love my CO the way you love yours, but at least I believe I love him for what he is. Also, it's not just the fact that he is a celebrity. I would still feel the same if he wasn't famous at all.

(I edited my comment because I feel it expresses what I wanted to say better.)

Edited by BlueStarr
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, BlueStarr said:

Oh, okay. That's too bad that you had a bad experience.

Well, I guess I can say a brief version of what I wanted to say in private. I do want my CO to know me, but at the same time, I love him beyond just that. I don't know if I love my CO the way you love yours, but at least I believe I love him for what he is. Also, it's not just the fact that he is a celebrity. I would still feel the same if he wasn't famous at all.

As you get to know me, you'll find out exactly how I love him because I never stop talking about it!! ❤️ That last thing you said, that's true for me too. I don't care what he does. It's not his celebrity status I love, and many others here have said the same about their own CO. You and I may not be very different about all this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

40 minutes ago, BlueStarr said:

I guess it's a lose/lose situation. You can't move on if you don't meet them, yet you can't move on if you do. (I'm speaking for myself too.)

You may not have seen this about me, but I'm not trying to move on. I'll never move on. If someone is trying to move on, however, it's probably a good strategy to complete any unfinished business" on your "bucket list" (the sort that you can't complete once you've committed yourself to your real-life love) so you can have peace.

As I said to @OpalP25, that's all behind me, even if I never found that love the others here speak of. If I haven't found it by now, it's not gonna happen!! ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 minutes ago, emilydresar1983 said:

@OpalP25 Your last post. ? Again, we basically said the same thing... in different words.

Yes. I love my CO but I know I'll never be with him (not saying it can't happen at all, for everything can happen in life... but yeah, we all know it's highly unlikely). But I'm soon turning 34. Divorced, childless. I still want to have a family on my own and my CO won't provide me with that. I want to re-marry and have a partner who will return my love all the way back. So as much as I don't want to give up the CO dream... I know that the day will come and I will have to. In that moment, I hope it won't feel as that much of a 'sacrifice' anymore because I will have someone to love (hopefully as much as I love(d) my CO or more) in "real life."

Well, I'm basically prepared to grow old alone. lol I don't say that to be pessimistic but I just don't see marriage and/or children in my future with my CO or anyone else. Sure, life can surprise you but at this point, I'm assuming it won't happen. So unless I get some other hobbies, I guess I'll be traveling around to see my COs in concert until I get tired of it or I just can't do it anymore.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

You may not have seen this about me, but I'm not trying to move on. I'll never move on. If someone is trying to move on, however, it's probably a good strategy to complete any unfinished business" on your "bucket list" (the sort that you can't complete once you've committed yourself to your real-life love) so you can have peace.

As I said to @OpalP25, that's all behind me, even if I never found that love the others here speak of. If I haven't found it by now, it's not gonna happen!! ?

Yes, what you said here. I want the peace of completing unfinished business.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 minutes ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Well, I'm basically prepared to grow old alone. lol I don't say that to be pessimistic but I just don't see marriage and/or children in my future with my CO or anyone else. Sure, life can surprise you but at this point, I'm assuming it won't happen. So unless I get some other hobbies, I guess I'll be traveling around to see my COs in concert until I get tired of it or I just can't do it anymore.

I could have written most of this. Yes, I don't expect to be with my CO or anyone else at this point. It would be nice, but the way things look right now, I don't think it will happen (with anybody).

Edited by BlueStarr
Link to comment
Share on other sites

25 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

You may not have seen this about me, but I'm not trying to move on. I'll never move on. If someone is trying to move on, however, it's probably a good strategy to complete any unfinished business" on your "bucket list" (the sort that you can't complete once you've committed yourself to your real-life love) so you can have peace.

As I said to @OpalP25, that's all behind me, even if I never found that love the others here speak of. If I haven't found it by now, it's not gonna happen!! ?

I'm quoting my own post here because I'm disappointed in myself right now. That sentence I'm striking through sounds a lot like self-punishment, and I don't do that anymore. 

Please excuse this message to myself: 

God bless Maurice White (RIP) 

Edited by Audrey822
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...