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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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13 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

I've just got through one of the most stressful and busy weeks of university I've ever had! I still have quite a lot of stuff I need to do, but I think the worst is over for now.

As for my obsession, I suppose things are going alright. Though I'm kind of starting to wish I didn't have to be like this... Part of me wants to actually have a real relationship or at least something resembling a love life. I've been single for over two years now, and I feel like I'm wasting away the years of my life where I should be dating and having fun - trouble is, the thought of doing that fills me with dread. Being by myself and dreaming about being with someone who doesn't know I exist still seems like the better option to me. The problem I have is I don't want to be single... but I don't want to be with someone I'm not madly in love with. No real solution to that I suppose!

One bad thing I've noticed about myself is that I've become so so cynical about relationships since being with my ex. When we were together, everyone thought we were a happy, loved-up couple, even my own mother. Of course, nothing could have been further from the truth! These days I see all these couples I know who seem so desperate to prove to the world how amazing their relationships are, and it just makes me think that the only reason these people get together is so they can feel smug and superior over single people... I'm going to be honest, that was one of the many awful reasons why I ended up with my ex. Maybe I'm just a bitter singleton, and all these couples really do feel the same way about each other as people like us feel about our COs... but somehow I doubt it. :roll2:

 

Congratulations on surviving the hellish week. I agree with Audrey, I doubt many of those couples feel the same way we do. Outward over the top displays of affection are, imho, more likely to be a show of, "Look, we're so great," but really they're screaming at each other behind closed doors or barely talk or something. I went out with my husband last week for dinner, a super rare event where our kids were doing something else and we had a couple of free hours. I doubt we looked like a super loved up couple, probably more like an exhausted married couple. But it was the first time in ages that we'd sat and talked to each other 

9 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

First, congrats on getting through the "worst" part of your university semester.  That must be a relief!  

I doubt that those couples feel the same way about each other that we feel about our COs.  To paraphrase Miss Therapist, no real person could live up to the ideals we set for our COs.  I was reading something last night about the phases of a relationship (it was a bit depressing, to be honest.)  Here's the link:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-passion-paradox/201302/can-old-love-be-new-again

My theory:  since we've never had a real relationship with our COs, we're all still in that "passionate" stage of the relationship we're having with them in our imaginations. We haven't seen them at their worst; we haven't seen what they're really like when they're not performing, when the cameras are turned off, when they're not preening for social media.  In other words, we don't know what they're really like at home. We only know what we're allowed to know; what the PR agents want us to know, or what the celebrity him/herself chooses to allow us to see. Let's face it, we all have annoying habits and idiosyncrasies; everyone does....the men and women we idolize and love here are no exception.  

While I know I would love my CO, I'm mature enough (LOL) to know that the "passionate" phase of any relationship we might have couldn't last forever -- that's right; not even with him.  That's not to say I would lose my desire for him...there's no way that would happen.  I'm struggling to explain this....if you've been in a real relationship where things have stabilized, you know what I mean....it's a feeling where you become "comfortable" with one another, rather than being on high alert all the time.   This is not a bad thing, but it does mean people in that situation don't have the same (giddy) feelings we have for our COs for reasons that should be obvious.  

Am I trying to talk anyone out of a "real" relationship here?  No.  But you know what?  Not too long ago, when I was still having pity parties and feeling quite down on myself, I wondered if the chance for a (better) real relationship had passed me by due to my age (and with another birthday fast approaching. ?)  I was reassured by a few people that it wasn't so....many people even older than me (yes, there are people older than me! ha! ?) have started new relationships.  I recalled that my mother was just beginning a new relationship at the age of 80 when she passed away....I still have a ways to go before I reach that age.  It made me feel better to hear all that.

BUT...

I got to thinking about it....putting myself in that position in my (very good) imagination.  Any unfortunate man who would try to date me would still have to compete with my CO...I couldn't even imagine myself having a dinner date with anyone else.  I'm serious.  I'm just not really interested in anyone else. 

 

That is a really interesting article but, yeah, for the romantic in me, depressing. Also, I don't think I've ever really had that passionate love stage. I've had 2 really serious relationships in my life - one started as a long distance thing but he was a virgin so it was months before we actually had sex and tbh, by then, I was already thinking the whole thing was a bit of a mistake. And then my husband, and yeah, the first few months were fun but it tailed off quicker than that article suggests. We're at that comfortable stage and I suppose the fact that I've not run off counts for something, counts for the knowledge that even if I met my CO and ended up with him, at some point, we'd become the comfortable couple, despite my fantasy life. I already know he has some habits that I would want to strangle him for. 

But the thing is, in my head, I don't care. Maybe if I was presented with him in real life, had a real relationship with him, a few years down the line I'd say, "No, your annoyances are too much and this is no fun anymore," and it'd be done. Maybe I'm addicted to the idea of the passionate relationship and need to cut loose when that bit is over.

5 hours ago, posie_riot said:

Your analysis on relationships is interesting and likely true in a lot (most?) cases. There's a stigma around being single. There's this perception that being single makes you a "loser" or that you're single because no one wants you. People get into relationships as a way of saying to themselves and to the world: "Look! Someone loves me! Someone thinks I'm great!" 

Yep. 

9 hours ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

The first one was a huge affair but after the divorce, she just wanted to do something small the second time around so they eloped. On the beach. And it was beautiful.... Yeah, so this is why I can't date in real life! lol 

I actually eloped (well, not technically eloped, we planned it for 2 years) and got married on the beach, with no friends and family around. It was exactly what I wanted from a wedding.

 

Not sure if I've made a lot of sense here. I think what it comes down to is I'm constantly searching for that passionate relationship that I've never really had. Maybe if I'd had that to begin with, I wouldn't be dreaming about it now? Unlikely seeing as I've had COs for over 25 years. I suppose a CO is safer at least because it's so unlikely.

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@MysteryName "Meet and greets" are like being in a real life horror movie to me. God the thought of having Mila find me creepy..I'd want to die. If it were me, id find a different way to get yourself in her life. Meet and greets are for fans and those who don't mind being fanzoned. Next thing you gotta get outta your mind is that other guys feel the same way as you. It will discourage, hurt, or anger you. It does all three to me. Anyone who thinks they feel the way I do about Mila..id love to fight them. Other guys weren't made for her..you were right? There probably ARE celebrities out there that wouldn't give me the time of day..but not Mila. Were connected I know it. But yea, if it were me, id just approach her like a guy approaches any girl. I'd act like I never heard of Mila and just make ways to keep her talking to me. I'd make myself NOT look like a fan. It would probably make your approach less overwhelming for her. Like you said, who knows what these people hear every day..who cares. They don't. You gotta find something to say or do that they WILL care about. I've never been all that great with girls either. I mean, I've had a few girlfriends but I am socially awkward. Nothing too serious until i met who im with now. But if I saw Mila, I know I wouldn't allow myself to be socially awkward. I'd have to own the situation. Make myself believe that for that moment I AM a big deal. I consider people who get to be near her AND fans of her to be my enemies. I have to rise above them and their numbers make it hard. There's just too many ******* people in this world period. But I don't know, that's just my view on it.

@audrey822 I believe the things the media say about Mila are lies for two reasons..1. its too hurtful to believe anything else, 2. They ARE lies.

This ones for anyone and everyone to help me with.. I'm going to be completely alone all night Saturday night. My mind is overwhelmed with the opportunity and temptation involved. Even if I watched her and it went well, ill probably have trouble getting back to my life on Sunday and its hard for me to fake it when its that fresh. I'm not saying I can watch an entire movie but its like I want to use the opportunity but at the same time, I want to be available emotionally for my girl and kid the next day. Basically what I'm saying is..I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO GUYS. ******* red box!

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10 minutes ago, nothingatall7777 said:

@audrey822 I believe the things the media say about Mila are lies for two reasons..1. its too hurtful to believe anything else, 2. They ARE lies.

I know.  We all do what we have to do in different ways.  I've just never been able to successfully convince myself of that in my case.  For me, it's more like my alter ego lived with my CO in an alternate universe from this one where we all live our real lives.  And I just ignore his reality.  (You know that.)

Quote

This ones for anyone and everyone to help me with.. I'm going to be completely alone all night Saturday night. My mind is overwhelmed with the opportunity and temptation involved. Even if I watched her and it went well, ill probably have trouble getting back to my life on Sunday and its hard for me to fake it when its that fresh. I'm not saying I can watch an entire movie but its like I want to use the opportunity but at the same time, I want to be available emotionally for my girl and kid the next day. Basically what I'm saying is..I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO GUYS. ******* red box!

I was going to screen that movie for you.  I never saw it.  I really wanted to, but it got away from me.  If I have a chance to see it before Saturday night (can't promise) I'll let you know here if it's OK for you.  I know what to look for. 

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@MysteryName Yes, I think I'm definitely overthinking everything to do with love and relationships! I'm so obsessive about the idea of having the sort of relationship I've always dreamed of that I don't really know what I can realistically expect... It seems like other people instinctively know what they can and can't aim for in their love life, so they don't bother wasting time over people who are out of their league. 

Regarding meeting your CO, I say you should go for it! That is, as long as you know that it won't cause you huge damage and heartbreak if things don't go as you'd like. I've also decided I'd like to try to meet my CO (who knows when that will be, I hope next year, but 2018 seems more likely). My reasoning is this: 1) I'm never going to have a chance at being with him if I don't actually meet him, and 2) If things didn't go as I want, of course I'd be heartbroken, but it would at least be a sign that I should move on with my life. Either way, hopefully I'd find some sort of sense of resolution to this whole thing.

@HopelessRomantic2011 You're right that real-life dating and relationships seem so dull and mundane compared to our daydreams. In this respect, I think movies, books and music about love have a lot to answer for! They're definitely a big reason why I've ended up in this situation (Disney is particularly to blame lol).

Your story sounds amazing... looking forward to hearing what your character gets up to next!

@Audrey822 Thanks for posting that article - it was a very interesting read. I've often wondered what would have happened if I had ended up with the guy I was so mad about at school. I know those intense feelings couldn't have lasted forever... but I also know the "honeymoon phase" would have been amazing. :( Worrying that I'll never have the chance to experience something like that is definitely an obsession for me.

@posie_riot The "loser" perception of single people has been bothering me lately. I think it's because at the moment I seem to be surrounded by people in relationships, who act in a smug and annoying way! One of my friends is not only smug about having a boyfriend, but is also a little too interested in my (lack of) love life for my liking... She's actually gone as far as to invent a "dream boyfriend" for me, who has a name and everything. :help: Even though she doesn't know about my CO, this fictional man is the same nationality as him! I did not know I was that obvious about my liking for men from that country lol!

That's just one example of an annoying coupled person from my life, and unfortunately not the worst... If I were to list everything that people in relationships have done to make me feel cr*p recently, I'd be here a while. :roll2:

@perfectcircle77 Like you, I'm addicted to the idea of a passionate relationship. Part of me doesn't even care if it wouldn't last forever - I'd just like to experience it once in my life. That's why I'm still not really over the fact I never got to be with the guy from school, even if I'm over him himself, if that makes sense. At the time I felt like I was so close to having the relationship of my dreams (although I wasn't that close at all, as it happens), that the disappointment of it not happening was absolutely crushing.

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1 hour ago, OpalP25 said:

Like you, I'm addicted to the idea of a passionate relationship. Part of me doesn't even care if it wouldn't last forever - I'd just like to experience it once in my life. That's why I'm still not really over the fact I never got to be with the guy from school, even if I'm over him himself, if that makes sense. At the time I felt like I was so close to having the relationship of my dreams (although I wasn't that close at all, as it happens), that the disappointment of it not happening was absolutely crushing.

Yeah, I can definitely understand this. There have been very few times in my life that I've felt excited about a real life guy, so I can pretty much remember every time it happened. There was one incident 8 years ago, where I met this guy at a pizzeria. He was working there and I was a customer and he told me that I was beautiful and asked me my name. And he was gorgeous!!! Completely my physical type which is rare for me to come across in real life. But I had just starting seeing someone else who was a nice guy, a decent guy, and even though I didn't feel any real passion for him, I thought I should keep seeing him and see where things might go. But anyways, I actually stopped going to the pizzeria because I didn't want to be tempted by this other guy (stupid, I know!). I dated the guy I was seeing for about a year and a half before we broke up, and at some point, I did return to the pizzeria but of course the guy was no longer working there. :(  I have no idea what happened to him, but I'm sure he's probably happily married/taken by now. And I'm still single. Sucks.

(Sorry if I've already told this story on here before! I repeat myself sometimes. hehe)

Edited by HopelessRomantic2011
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3 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

 

@posie_riot The "loser" perception of single people has been bothering me lately. I think it's because at the moment I seem to be surrounded by people in relationships, who act in a smug and annoying way! One of my friends is not only smug about having a boyfriend, but is also a little too interested in my (lack of) love life for my liking... She's actually gone as far as to invent a "dream boyfriend" for me, who has a name and everything. :help: Even though she doesn't know about my CO, this fictional man is the same nationality as him! I did not know I was that obvious about my liking for men from that country lol!

That's just one example of an annoying coupled person from my life, and unfortunately not the worst... If I were to list everything that people in relationships have done to make me feel cr*p recently, I'd be here a while. :roll2:

@OpalP25 Okay, I think you just gave me a good reason to not be so upset by my lack of friends! Having basically no social life has its benefits, apparently. I'm not dealing with that kind of social pressure and I'm sorry you are :( My one and only close(ish) friend was going through Tinder awhile back and sending me a bunch of photos of guys she knew were my type, but that was mostly a joke thing. That said, I think it would've excited her if I'd actually shown an interest in any of those guys instead of just laughing them all off. I'm the same as you - my expectations for relationships are very high. I'm probably not going to find the love of my life on Tinder (lol), so what's the point? Let's just say my friend isn't on the same page as me about this. I don't think I've ever met anyone in real life whose desire for "true love" is as strong as mine. 

I do experience a lot of pressure from family members around the holidays though....I forgot about that. My family always act shocked when I tell them once again that I'm single. Then I'm bombarded with this amazing question: "Why?" Umm...what? What do you mean "why?" How am I supposed to answer that? :suspect:

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Thanks Audrey but I don't know how you're gonna tell me if there's anything wrong with the movie. I already know how I will react whether I want to react that way or not. The 2nd trailer put a little fear in me though. I just dont know. And even if its a good viewing, getting out of la la land on Sundays gonna be a huge task too. HUGE. There's never any concrete solutions to anything I want to do. No wonder I'm going insane.

 

As far as the media stuff goes, its no different than a movie. Its not real. Just entertainment. I'll never believe any of it. Its just too sickening to be true. She has to be attainable to me at all times!

Hi, Mila. If you're doing calendar for 2017, go easy on me cuz you know I have to look. Please reach out to me, my sweet Jackie.

Have a trigger free Friday everyone.

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1 hour ago, nothingatall7777 said:

Thanks Audrey but I don't know how you're gonna tell me if there's anything wrong with the movie. I already know how I will react whether I want to react that way or not. The 2nd trailer put a little fear in me though. I just dont know. And even if its a good viewing, getting out of la la land on Sundays gonna be a huge task too. HUGE. There's never any concrete solutions to anything I want to do. No wonder I'm going insane.

 

OK, it doesn't look like I'll have time to watch it anyway....I know it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation for you.  I hope it goes well for you if you decide to watch it.  

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@HopelessRomantic2011 Aww, that's a shame about the pizzeria guy. :( It seems like whenever we meet someone who could potentially be the right person, it's always at the wrong time... I haven't mentioned this on here before, but I had a similar experience when I was with my ex. There was a guy I knew at the time with whom I got on so well and had a lot in common with, but he unfortunately was with a very long-term girlfriend. The last thing I wanted was another inevitable heartbreaking rejection like I had with the guy at school, so I made a deliberate effort to suppress my feelings for him (this was part of the reason why I ended up with my ex). 

Looking back, it's quite obvious there was a little bit of "emotional cheating" going on between the two of us. I haven't been in touch with him for over two years now, but I still wonder if perhaps things could have worked out or even work out in the future. He's single now - his girlfriend of six years dumped him for another guy. I feel so awful for him, and surprised too, as she had always seemed way more into him than he was into her. Well, the opportunity's now open for me I suppose, but he's actually living abroad right now, so maybe not lol!

Ugh why does romance and dating always have to be so complicated?! :roll2:

@posie_riot Right now I'm living with four other girls (three of whom have boyfriends) at university, so that's why the social pressure's so bad! At home, I also have my sister's relationship to deal with, and there is a lot of smugness there. When we're together as a family, practically every conversation revolves around him. (I've learnt not to complain about this anymore, as it apparently means I'm "jealous"). So wherever I am, coupledom seems unavoidable lol! My best friend back at home is the only one who somewhat understands, as she's been single her whole life due to having very high relationship expectations. Still, she seems pretty happy with her situation, and not bothered about having to wait for the right guy to come along. For that reason, I don't feel comfortable enough to tell her about my CO and the pain I feel over my love life...

Ugh the family interrogations are always a nightmare. Sometimes it's tempting to tell the entire truth, just to see their reactions lol! I hope it goes as well as it can for you, and that they don't ask too many personal questions...

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@audrey822 I found enough clips of it to say I've seen half the movie. She is so cute and perfect in every single clip. I melted over every second. Not one trigger in any of it! Except the trigger that's in everything she does..the trigger that makes me want to beg to be in her life. I look in her eyes and know she can take me to heaven. I was in heaven almost every time she smiled ? she was made for ME. I wish there was a way I could make her understand. I really hope what I've seen tonight gives me a great dream. Just for the guarantee that shed come to me in my dreams and id remember it to reminisce.. God. I wish I had one picture that I could save in my phone and look at whenever I want but I know that's taking it too far and is too risky. Sorry for rambling. I am high on Mila. I love her.

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I know the social media's bad for me... why can't I imagine giving it up?

On Friday night, my CO went to a football match as did around 10 contestants from a beauty pageant. After the match, he had his photo taken with them which of course led to a lot of jokes from fans on Twitter about whether or not he managed to get any of their numbers, etc... Then this male fan who very occasionally interacts with the main group of fans suddenly butted in, saying "He is very private he is in a relationship!!!" Obviously, my heart sank when I read that. :(

Other fans asked him how he knew this, and whether he had any information about it. But he didn't reply to any of their questions, although he must have seen them, because he was tweeting again later on in the evening... The other fans said they wouldn't believe what he said if he couldn't back it up & that if my CO really does have a girlfriend, he doesn't appear to spend any time with her. Bear in mind that these fans are very different to me - they really want to see my CO settle down with someone. If even they are fairly convinced he's single, that probably means he is. So I felt slightly better after reading their views.

Maybe this guy on Twitter does know something the rest of us don't, as I know he's seen my CO in person at least a few times, and has possibly met him too. However, so have several of the other fans, and they're not aware of any relationship...

If my CO had a girlfriend, would he really spend every moment of free time he has hanging out with his male friends (including going on holiday with them last month), and following attractive female celebrities and models on Instagram? Besides, there is a tonne of speculation about his private life which I know he doesn't like. If he was in a fairly private relationship with a non-famous girlfriend, the press would completely lose interest. So I don't know what he would gain by keeping it secret?

This has come at a time when I thought I was getting over my recent paranoid episodes... I just don't know what to think of it all. :(

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29 minutes ago, OpalP25 said:

I know the social media's bad for me... why can't I imagine giving it up?

On Friday night, my CO went to a football match as did around 10 contestants from a beauty pageant. After the match, he had his photo taken with them which of course led to a lot of jokes from fans on Twitter about whether or not he managed to get any of their numbers, etc... Then this male fan who very occasionally interacts with the main group of fans suddenly butted in, saying "He is very private he is in a relationship!!!" Obviously, my heart sank when I read that. :(

Other fans asked him how he knew this, and whether he had any information about it. But he didn't reply to any of their questions, although he must have seen them, because he was tweeting again later on in the evening... The other fans said they wouldn't believe what he said if he couldn't back it up & that if my CO really does have a girlfriend, he doesn't appear to spend any time with her. Bear in mind that these fans are very different to me - they really want to see my CO settle down with someone. If even they are fairly convinced he's single, that probably means he is. So I felt slightly better after reading their views.

Maybe this guy on Twitter does know something the rest of us don't, as I know he's seen my CO in person at least a few times, and has possibly met him too. However, so have several of the other fans, and they're not aware of any relationship...

If my CO had a girlfriend, would he really spend every moment of free time he has hanging out with his male friends (including going on holiday with them last month), and following attractive female celebrities and models on Instagram? Besides, there is a tonne of speculation about his private life which I know he doesn't like. If he was in a fairly private relationship with a non-famous girlfriend, the press would completely lose interest. So I don't know what he would gain by keeping it secret?

This has come at a time when I thought I was getting over my recent paranoid episodes... I just don't know what to think of it all. :(

Unfortunately our COs can't stay single forever. I know that's not very comforting, but it's true. My CO has never gone public with anyone he's dating, but he's almost 30 so I'm sure he hasn't been single all this time. And even if they aren't officially "in a relationship", they're men so we can assume that they're spending "quality time" with someone, sorry to say. :(  If they're private about it, that's a good thing!

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@HopelessRomantic2011 Yeah, I suppose it's inevitable that I'm going to end up being disappointed eventually... Like your CO, my CO has never gone public with anyone either, and that has just made me build up lots of unrealistic hopes. Over the 6 years that I've had this obsession, I doubt he's actually had a serious relationship (it's difficult with his job), but like you say, I'm sure he'll have spent "quality time" with someone or another. I can deal with that. But I can't deal with the thought of him being in love with someone else.

You're right that it's better for us when COs keep their personal lives private. But it makes no sense at all to me why my CO would keep a relationship completely secret...

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21 minutes ago, OpalP25 said:

@HopelessRomantic2011 Yeah, I suppose it's inevitable that I'm going to end up being disappointed eventually... Like your CO, my CO has never gone public with anyone either, and that has just made me build up lots of unrealistic hopes. Over the 6 years that I've had this obsession, I doubt he's actually had a serious relationship (it's difficult with his job), but like you say, I'm sure he'll have spent "quality time" with someone or another. I can deal with that. But I can't deal with the thought of him being in love with someone else.

You're right that it's better for us when COs keep their personal lives private. But it makes no sense at all to me why my CO would keep a relationship completely secret...

Well, even if he is, he won't be in love for long. Relationships don't seem to last these days. (I'm a cynic. LOL)

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@OpalP25 I'm so sorry you saw that.  

39 minutes ago, OpalP25 said:

@HopelessRomantic2011 Haha that is very true!  I think I'll just have to wait and see what happens... I'm inclined not to believe that person on Twitter, and I think it's for the best that I try to ignore what he said.

Yes, it is definitely for the best.  , 

I know the social media's bad for me... why can't I imagine giving it up?

Because so many of us in this thread have OCD and it's very difficult to push ourselves away from the possibility of seeing something we don't want to miss out on.  But the fact of the matter is, we're putting ourselves at risk of seeing something that will hurt us when we indulge in social media.  Is it worth the risk?

I had to answer that question just yesterday morning.  A situation presented itself that might have put me closer to my CO than I've ever been before.  I joined a FB group Saturday afternoon that someone with connections to his band started, and when I got there, I noticed my CO was also a member of the group.  At the time, the group was small...about 80-100 people.  I got the idea in my head that this is the universe's way of finally putting us together!  But I also knew the risk of seeing anything he posts.  I know my tendency to jump to negative conclusions about even the most benign comment.  I know how fragile I am, and I know the potential that had of ruining the good feelings I still have from the fact that he "liked" my post on his birthday, and also ruining the fantasy I've had of him throughout my entire life.  I knew I should block him.  

He should have already been blocked.  He should never have been un-blocked.  As I said when I told y'all the story about the post he liked from me on his birthday, I was surprised that he wasn't blocked....I can't explain that because I remember blocking him. ?  I can only assume that small interaction between us was something that was meant to be.  But it would be greedy and ridiculous of me to expect more.  I knew I should re-block him!

But OCD was trying to lure me into thinking that I should keep things as they are....I might miss out on something, an opportunity for him to notice me, talk to me, make me leave my present circumstances and go out with him, we could get married....finally!! Oh, yeah...I had it all figured out.  But no.  I knew better.  I realized which scenario is most likely...the one where I'll see something that will hurt me, even if I'm reading something into it that isn't really there.  I came to my senses.  I blocked him again, because it wasn't worth the risk.... but it wasn't an easy decision.  

Social media is poison.  I know it does good things....after all, it was on Facebook that he "liked" my birthday wish to him, and I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.  If I'd listened to the advice I'm always giving, I would have missed out on that, the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me where he's concerned.  But there's a reason he should have been blocked in the first place, even on his birthday. I can't ignore FB has been a very hurtful experience quite a few times.   I got lucky on his birthday, but the chances of that happening again....probably less than 1%, and it's not worth it.  Unless there's a really good chance you're going to  have a real connection with your CO, I would say cut the social media out of your routine.  Things were so much better when we didn't know as much as we have the potential to know in 2016.  Just think, in the late 1960s many of the young men we idolized were married, and we didn't even know it.  That's not even possible now considering almost all celebrities have their own Facebook accounts, Twitter, Instagram, etc.  If you know your CO's every move, it stands to reason you're eventually going to be hurt because they're living their lives and bragging about the same things your friends and family are sharing on social media.... their marriages and/or significant others, their lives at home, the milestones in their lives.  These are things we don't want to know.  We have to discipline ourselves so we don't learn these things if we want to stay sane and keep our fantasies intact.  

I felt so much better after I blocked my CO yesterday.  I know now that I won't be hurt by anything he says...and there's nothing he's going to say that I need to know.  Yeah, it wasn't easy....OCD was being a bad angel on my shoulder, trying to lure me into keeping things as they were over a less than 1% chance something good would happen vs a 60-70% chance something bad would.  Fortunately, my good angel won out.  It had to be done.  

 

Edited by Audrey822
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@Audrey822 I think I know why the social media stuff's been causing me more difficulty lately. Until around a year ago, there was only really one account I'd regularly look at on Twitter, an unofficial fan account of my CO. The person running the account used to post loads of info, pics, videos, etc, and there was never anything I saw there that caused me any sort of pain.

However, this year she has been posting a lot less than she did before. There was also a time this summer when she was constantly tweeting in support of another player from my CO's country, and seemed to be very much in favour of him overtaking my CO in terms of career achievements. Now I know that wasn't really the case and that she just wanted both of them to have as much success as possible. But I was finding the constant reminders of how much more luck the other player was getting compared to my CO more than a little hard to take.

So my focus has shifted more towards the personal Twitter accounts of a group of people, mostly women, who are all fans of my CO. And I think that's where the trouble really started for me - they love speculating about his personal life. And now it's the off-season and they have nothing much else to talk about, that's what a lot of their discussions are revolving around at the moment. I know that's what's been causing me all this anxiety lately.

I hope I can go back to relying on the unofficial fan account, otherwise giving this stuff up altogether might be the only solution.

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@OpalP25 it's better to have less of the right kind of (safe) information than it is to have more information that's potentially unsafe.

Keep in mind, those other fans don't share your feelings for your CO. I can relate to that from my experience as a fan of EWF or even my sports teams. In those discussions, I couldn't care less if the topic of conversation turns to their individual personal lives. I could see myself as one of the fans who would be happy to hear of someone's marriage, or a similar event -- the kind of which would upset me forever if it was about my CO. (I'm more aware of these things within the last few months, and try to tone down my enthusiasm a bit. I realize all of these people are likely to be someone's CO, and I'm just adding to their misery if I overdo the congratulatory message. ?)

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Social media is nothing but a bunch of lies. There is no proof that anything reported is anything more than a made up story for publicity. That's WHAT IT IS. You guys gotta believe me.

I cant stop thinking about the movie clips I saw Saturday. I'm starting to learn ways to navigate around the lies, only believe what I want to, have amazing fantasies..all that is great. But the feeling like I HAVE to be in her life, the overwhelming attachment I get every time I watch her, what to do with THOSE feelings are still to be determined. I will never be whole until I have her. The only good thing that comes out of NOT seeing her for awhile is that why I need her so much isn't so much at the forefront of my life but eventually the cravings make not seeing her too hard to not cave in. I just have to tell myself til I believe...i WAS with her Saturday night. I WAS!

Now that she's in the front of my mind I have to be super careful cuz that's when the lies always present themselves to ruin her for me. Its not happening this time and if I see anything incorrect about her being stated, ill burn whatever it is. She's MINE to enjoy. MINE!

Any time I watch something new with her, I do have to admit that I sometimes have the hope that time will have done something to her to make me less attracted. Never happens. I'm so scared to watch the whole movie but now that I've had a taste, how can I not?

I dont expect anyone to care about my ramblings but I am so obsessed today that its beyond overwhelming. I need her so bad.

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@OpalP25

If my CO had a girlfriend, would he really spend every moment of free time he has hanging out with his male friends (including going on holiday with them last month), and following attractive female celebrities and models on Instagram? Besides, there is a tonne of speculation about his private life which I know he doesn't like. If he was in a fairly private relationship with a non-famous girlfriend, the press would completely lose interest. So I don't know what he would gain by keeping it secret?

To answer all those questions - No, it doesn't seem like it makes sense that he's in a private relationship. That said, I feel an obligation to say something after everything I've gone through with my CO. I'm still going through varying degrees of hell where his personal life is concerned. I haven't talked about it much here, but one of my biggest regrets is how I would constantly try to use logic to talk myself out of believing things I didn't want to believe. Before finding out that my CO's gf was pregnant, I actually thought they were on rough terms and I was expecting to hear about a break-up. A month later, they were engaged. Their whole relationship defies logic. He bought a house with her and was planning a family but wouldn't even admit to the media that he was seeing anyone. Just like your CO, my CO has little "spies" who would do anything to find out as much information as possible about his relationship status. I relied on them a little too much for updates and their lack of concrete information was part of what led to me being hit so off guard with the news. I truly feel like at least a 30% of the pain I felt came from the shock factor of me having no clue what was going on. By not really knowing what was going on, I was free to make my own speculations. As it turns out, sometimes things just don't make sense and you can't predict, with any degree of certainty, what's going on in another person's life. I know this isn't what you want to hear right now and I seriously apologize but I'm hoping this "heads up" might help later on. After finding out "the news", I was so tortured by this feeling that I'd been fooled and that I was stupid for not seeing the situation for what it was. The funny thing is, my predictions were more logical than the truth. 

It's unfortunate that the safe fan account has become somewhat inactive. That would've at least spared you the rumours.  I don't understand the obsession that female fans have with the personal lives of their favourite male celebrities. My CO has fans who would become ecstatic when he got into a relationship. I can't wrap my head around that. It's like they cared more about that than anything else. The worst part is that I know they're attracted to my CO and only became obsessive fans due to a certain level of romantic attraction. Perhaps they're living vicariously through his girlfriends? Maybe it's because it gives them another person, of their own gender, to look up to and take an active interest in. 

My advice to everyone is always to avoid their CO on social media, as I've been doing. I know it's easier said than done though and it took hitting rock bottom for me to do that. If someone had suggested this to me at a time when it was up in the air whether my CO was in a relationship or not, I would've been like "Okay, thank you" and then turned around like...

giphy.gif

 

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@Audrey822 That's so true. Now whenever I hear any sort of "happy news" regarding a celebrity, I can't help but think that that person could be someone's CO, and how much pain they must be going through. :(

@posie_riot I think that's what worries me most - I know logic says my CO is most likely single, but his personal life so far has hardly been predictable. So I guess it is best to be prepared for the worst.

The fact that the news about your CO came so unexpectedly is just horrible. :console: If what you had been hearing about him and his gf was the usual "loved-up" stuff (ugh) the media like writing about celeb couples, at least you would have been a bit better prepared for what would come next.

I also find it really strange when fans are really excited about their favourite celebrity being in a relationship, or about the idea of them being in a relationship! I suppose because they know they don't really have a chance with the celeb themselves, they want to live precariously through their partner, like you say. I don't know if in some cases it's also a bit of a case of trying to suck up to the celeb, like saying "look at me, I think your relationships's fantastic, I'm such a great fan!".

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