Jump to content

Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


Recommended Posts

18 hours ago, posie_riot said:

Not a stupid suggestion - this is the only thing that puts me to sleep some nights. I can't sleep without pretending I'm not alone. The benefits to being an excessive fantasizer!

Proud. Pillow. Cuddler. 

I sleep better with my cat in bed with me. (No, I don't pretend that she's my CO. lol)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

On 11/25/2016 at 6:52 PM, Audrey822 said:

While watching the Dallas Cowboys' game, near halftime, I got a notification on my iPhone that almost caused my heart to stop: MY CO LIKED MY POST!!! ❤️❤️❤️

 

I love this, I can only imagine how happy it made you - if my CO liked anything I'd posted, I would be giddy.

On 11/26/2016 at 3:31 AM, Vera said:

I'm feeling very depressed tonight. I don't have anyone to tell so I'm posting it here. It's that hopeless feeling I have when I want to be held by my CO.

I get this. I hope you're feeling a little better today.

On 11/26/2016 at 2:48 PM, Audrey822 said:

 

The only thing I know to do to simulate being held by that special someone is to go lie down in bed and hold a pillow very tightly (can you tell I've been where you are a lot?) Yeah, my suggested solution is stupid, a very poor substitute, but what else is there to do? We have to comfort ourselves in strange ways. ??

 

OK, knowing that I'm not the only one who does something similar has made me feel a little less crazy this morning. I don't hold a pillow but I tend to lie on my left side and then put my right arm over myself and tuck my hand under my left side. I imagine my CO is behind me.

On 11/26/2016 at 7:03 PM, posie_riot said:

I think all my issues can be traced back to OCD. I hate using that term though because it gets tossed around these days like it's nothing. People say: "I'm so OCD about this..." and they clearly don't have the disorder at all. I don't even think the average person would understand what I mean if I used that term to describe myself. Sometimes I drop the acronym and the word 'disorder' and just describe myself as obsessive-compulsive so that people will be less likely to get the wrong idea. 

My "lows" are normally caused by over-the-top obsessive thinking, worrying, and analyzing that sometimes has an external trigger and sometimes doesn't. Occasionally my brain gives me a bit of a break from this and that's when I feel more "okay".  I'm never entirely free of obsessive thinking, but the severity of it moves in cycles. I've never been on medication and I don't feel it'd be the right choice for me at this point. I can't say I would never consider it in the future, but right now the idea of it intimidates me. 

I feel like a lot of disorders exist on a spectrum and you can show symptoms of something without actually being diagnosable. My OCD resembles bipolar disorder in some ways. I don't experience classic mania, but I do experience bursts of "obsessive energy" (lol, my own term) that can result in extreme productiveness. After awhile I lose interest in whatever triggered the productivity or I'll experience a bit of a crash. I might take up a hobby, become completely obsessed with it so that it's almost all I think about, and then I move on. I enjoy the high that the new activity gives me and the distraction it provides me from my depressive thoughts. As always, nothing ever sufficiently distracts me enough to keep my attention. 

This is so me. I never considered myself to have OCD before I found this site. To me, OCD was someone who washed their hands so much they were raw or flipped a light switch a specific number of times. My lows are like yours, Posie, they are normally caused by over the top thinking and then lead to even more obsessive thinking until I cannot concentrate on anything else. The days that are 'good' are the days where he's just in the background. There's never a day he's not there. I've also not considered medication, I don't think it'd be right for me right now and also I just don't know how I'd explain it to my family that I need it. I would say my working life is characterised by the idea of being very into something and then losing interest. I've done various courses in a bid to retrain and find what it is I want to do. I've often wondered if it's because I didn't follow my dream job when I was younger, it's now way too late, and I'm searching for something that would satisfy me in the same way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@perfectcircle77 coming from someone who spent their whole teenage years and 20s dreaming and trying to be a famous musician..dreaming id share the dream with Mila..i know that feeling of regret of not chasing your dreams harder..feeling like its too late.. now I have material but no real friends to share it with and too scared to get a twitter or isntagram to promote myself farther.. I am so sorry you're feeling that way. If you find any resolution to these regrets, please let me know some of your coping skills cuz like most things, I dont have any.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

44 minutes ago, nothingatall7777 said:

Hey all. I dont have time to say alot today but I just wanna say Audrey, that is so awesome..your news. He noticed you ? I think he would notice you under any circumstance though. I'm gonna go fantasize that it happened to me now! Good day everybody!

I know you know how happy that made me. ? Thanks for what you said here. ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Audrey822

 Oh my good Audrey I can't imagine how amazing that must feel! That's amazing I feel so good for you! I'd faint if she liked something I posted! Much as I hate myself for saying that - I'm a 30 year old man after all. She never will though. I don't dare posting stuff to her as I don't want me posting to her to fill up my friend's newsfeed (it would be very suspicious as I post so little to facebook anyway. It would look like all I think about is her. Although that's true. Everything that doesn't involve her seems a bit lifeless). And if I did she'd never respond. The only time she responds to people is if they actually create something cool like cool fanart of her. Just thinking about that reminds how lacking I am in the talent or discipline.

 

On ‎26‎/‎11‎/‎2016 at 7:03 PM, posie_riot said:

I feel like a lot of disorders exist on a spectrum and you can show symptoms of something without actually being diagnosable. My OCD resembles bipolar disorder in some ways. I don't experience classic mania, but I do experience bursts of "obsessive energy" (lol, my own term) that can result in extreme productiveness. After awhile I lose interest in whatever triggered the productivity or I'll experience a bit of a crash. I might take up a hobby, become completely obsessed with it so that it's almost all I think about, and then I move on. I enjoy the high that the new activity gives me and the distraction it provides me from my depressive thoughts. As always, nothing ever sufficiently distracts me enough to keep my attention. 

My god I can relate so much to this! This is exactly what I meant way back when I said I'm always going to be obsessed - I just wish I could be obsessed over productive things rather than an enchanting girl who doesn't know I exist. Obsessions that make me achieve rather than an obsession that makes me a creep and hate myself more. I have often in my life been obsessed over productive things - it has just never lasted as you said.

Anyway, I GOT A JOB!!!! A Good Job for me!!
When I found out I could barely believe it! I thought I was unemployable! Does this mean the dead years as I always call them are finally over? I leave to travel soon and then start working as a functional human being once more as soon as I get back!

I don't know to be honest. Whether I think about that I'm gripped with terror - my last job ended in a mess - what if I can't do this one? Imposter syndrome, if you've heard of that, is overwhelming with me. The job hunt was actually too easy when I finally started - like I was cheating and I'll get found out when I have to do the work.

 

On ‎24‎/‎11‎/‎2016 at 4:08 PM, Vera said:

Has anyone wondered what their CO is doing today on Thanksgiving! It's floating around my house and enters my consciousness every so often.

 


Dressed up as a turkey apparently! And posting photos of herself looking absolutely gorgeous as always and like sunshine personified. She is so delightful. I wish I could just be a regular fan, a fan with a crush but still a fan, rather than worrying about sad stupid rubbish like trying to work out all the time how many other guys crush on her or how I'll react when she admits having a boyfriend. I've often said its ironic - the more obsessed I am with her the less I am actually a good fan. I haven't even watched everything she's been in. I want to watch whole films and stuff with her in - enjoy her properly - as a reward for getting stuff done but then I never get anything done because I waste too much time watching stupid little clips of her or looking at photos or looking for info because this is the stuff that is easier to access. Takes more willpower to resist than watching a whole movie and I have no willpower.

I have to see her perform live some day. Even if its a stupid thing to do. I don't care. It would be awkward. I'd be seeing her on my own, travelling across the Atlantic, going on holiday to LA - people would ask why - I never choose places like that for my holiday. I'd be pretending to have a duel purpose to the trip - seeing LA and her. That's not true and I'd know it. It's only about her. I'd be in the audience on my own - awkward. creepy. Just what she hates. And then I'd be crushed that the meet and greet would just be her saying "hi" and signing autograph and no more. But somehow I have to.

I wish I could fantasize about her the way often discussed here. I do but as soon as I start it just sends me crashing down to reality as I realize how I am nothing and she is a goddess. I thought getting a job, becoming functional would solve this. Maybe it will! If the job isn't a disaster! Please don't let it be! For it not to be I have to somehow stop wasting 99.9% of my time and I've been trying to not do that for years. I think for me to fantasize about meeting her as an equal, never an equal she is a goddess, but as someone who at least has something in common with her, I need to accomplish something, create something. Comes back to my previous point - I need to be obsessed with creating something again.

 

 

Why do I do this? I've got people in my life who actually care about me. I should focus on them. But instead I focus on someone who doesn't know I exist.

@SophieViolet95 It's a while ago now but I hope things are getting better with college. Over time classes should get smaller and lecturers get to know you and enter the field of people you are comfortable with. Just think of it as surviving the first little difficult bit. Academics tend to be riddled with issues - imposter syndrome, depression, conflict avoiding socially anxious personalities and many should sympathize with people who struggle with these things even if the first few you meet are not sympathetic. I should know I was one and understand why mental illness is so high in that fricken potentially soul destroying profession.

To the people who mentioned social anxiety SophieViolet and Posie_Riot I used to lose money because I just quite simply would not phone up to cancel things. Now I can pass phone interviews (and in face but phoning was my biggest problem). I'm still a mess, as these posts reveal, but sometimes time and being sometimes forced into situations does achieve what seems impossible.

@nothingatall7777 I don't often hear mention of Mila all that often and can't remember seeing her in a film, don't know what the media says, but when I have heard mention of her you are the first person who I think of. I have no clue how to give advice but you're very much connected to her in my mind anyway.

On ‎24‎/‎11‎/‎2016 at 11:23 PM, BattleScars said:

Hi everyone, hope you had a good trigger free day.

To those who were talking about trying to avoid/ignore their CO completely, I find myself doing that after years of obsessively consuming every piece of media with my CO in it. It's truly the best way to keep them out of mind and avoid any crises.

But as much as I'd like to follow my own advice, I simply can't help it. I feel like I'm neglecting my CO, cheating on him if I avoid it.

Recently my CO was in some movies where he had romantic interests, which is unusual for him, for many years I only saw him be romantic with his wife and if that killed me, imagine seeing him with other women...

So yes, do watch/look at the new things even if they are triggers, but only do it once. Don't torture yourself with it, don't force the breakdown to happen. There's definitely a touch of masochism to unrequited love, I believe I'm partially in love with my misery, but try to stay away - it's the best thing for your mental health.

 


I can relate to all this. I always feel like I'm neglecting her if I haven't look at stuff about her quite enough - absurd as that may sound! And I often feel I've chosen  to be a mess in my head. I didn't need to obsess about her. Maybe a form of masochism. I'm suspicious when things go well. Feel as though they should go badly. My life is also a long list of self sabotage. Finally beginning to sort stuff out though! Just don't let me self sabotage again.
 
And there's no such thing as a dream job. What kid knows the full array of jobs that exist out there and anything about what they are really like or even about themselves? Ok, maybe not quite true that there's no such thing as a dream job but millennials seriously over emphasise the idea of following your dreams to the point where everyone ends up miserable and full of regret. Don't be deceived. Dream job is a very modern notion. In the past I'm sure many were happy and people, for the most part, never even thought it terms of dream jobs. The trick is to just be fluid, move on if you can't stand your job, do what seems most interesting at each point in time, go for opportunities you have and realise nothing is permanent but then again, most of us at some point have to sacrifice a bit of this freedom for buying a house, raising a family etc. Just part of life. Everyone else is the same. If Hollywood stars all had their dream jobs why are so many depressed and even why do so many try directing or music even if they should be happy as actors.
Quote
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, MysteryName said:

@Audrey822

 Oh my good Audrey I can't imagine how amazing that must feel! That's amazing I feel so good for you! 


Anyway, I GOT A JOB!!!! A Good Job for me!!
When I found out I could barely believe it! I thought I was unemployable! Does this mean the dead years as I always call them are finally over? I leave to travel soon and then start working as a functional human being once more as soon as I get back!
 

First ..

9ea554da5b4055846cf05c85c6dd80c1.jpg

 

That's wonderful news!!   I knew you'd do it!  I always believed in you!!  :Party_fest30:

OMG, you should have seen me when that message came in on my phone!!  I was sitting next to my son, we were both on the sofa watching the football game.  Of course, I had to play it cool....until I ran out of the room with my iPad.  I clicked on that notification and almost passed out!!  Got a screen shot of it, too!  I'm still smiling very broadly...that will keep a big smile on my face for quite awhile!! :icon12:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, MysteryName said:


Anyway, I GOT A JOB!!!! A Good Job for me!!
When I found out I could barely believe it! I thought I was unemployable! Does this mean the dead years as I always call them are finally over? I leave to travel soon and then start working as a functional human being once more as soon as I get back!
 

 
And there's no such thing as a dream job. What kid knows the full array of jobs that exist out there and anything about what they are really like or even about themselves? Ok, maybe not quite true that there's no such thing as a dream job but millennials seriously over emphasise the idea of following your dreams to the point where everyone ends up miserable and full of regret. Don't be deceived. Dream job is a very modern notion. In the past I'm sure many were happy and people, for the most part, never even thought it terms of dream jobs. The trick is to just be fluid, move on if you can't stand your job, do what seems most interesting at each point in time, go for opportunities you have and realise nothing is permanent but then again, most of us at some point have to sacrifice a bit of this freedom for buying a house, raising a family etc. Just part of life. Everyone else is the same. If Hollywood stars all had their dream jobs why are so many depressed and even why do so many try directing or music even if they should be happy as actors.

Congrats on the job @MysteryName - fantastic news, so happy for you.

Interesting what you say about dream job. Maybe dream job isn't the right phrase. I didn't do what I was passionate about, what I thought I might be good at. I didn't trust in myself enough to have the confidence to take that first step. I could have hated it, who knows? Given the way the world has changed in terms of technology since I was at university, that job is not really something that is valued any more anyway.

And people may look at me now and think, "that is the dream" - I am doing something I am fairly good at on completely my own terms, I work from home, I choose when I work, I choose how much work I'm prepared to do. That is good (although at low times it is bad because if I don't work, I have no money so it's hard to muster the energy and concentration). But trust me, over the past 20 years, I have been fluid and moved on when I started to hate what I was doing - I can usually last about 2 years before I get itchy feet. My last job, before becoming self employed, I lasted longer because I had my eldest daughter in the middle which broke it up. It goes back to before about cycles of obsession, in this case, it's not so much obsession more something that will hold my interest.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As of last week I was okay until that horrible tragedy in Chattanooga happened and then I felt sadness for him all over again. As of right now I am completely broken as a person - not because of him but because of myself.

I understand that with the way being a celebrity is today that it's much harder to be in the limelight being known for your talent rather than the circus behind you but to a certain degree I am still dealing with the Taylor Swift thing only because she's three years younger than me. The only difference is she believed in herself enough to pursue her dreams and got lucky and was able to make a ten year career out of it filled with highs & lows. I sincerely hope that if she wants to that she finds someone who is able to love her the right way. I'm not saying she won't I'm just saying that you can be in the same town you've been born in and think that people in that world living your dreams that everything is perfect but its not. I could name you several different people who because of choice or circumstance or both for whatever reason did not cope with fame very well during or after their careers. I know of one example who had hit pretty hard but by grace has gotten himself from that to the spiritual side and for that I am glad for this individual and still listen to his old music and it makes me smile.

When I look at it from that perspective of knowing there are no guarantees in life even if you're living your dreams and how it's not all glitz & glamour I realize celebrities are just people. Sure they may get paid thousands of dollars and get to be on television but they have no real normalcy if you can call it that. I saw an interview with Lady Gaga the other day and she was crying because though she's famous she misses having a real connection with people. She said something along the lines of how she can't just go up to a person and make conversation the way everyday people can. It almost feels like you make it and then you're made to feell like a prisoner because of your career. We all have normal lives and normal jobs and go home and have our own lives. We look at these peoples lives like they have made it when really they just make more money - that's all. They don't know what it's like to live in say Kentucky Indiana or Ohio. I'm not bashing those places I'm just saying certain major celebrities who have lived in California all of their lives don't understand what it's like to live in middle America. I felt really bad for Lady Gaga but then I also felt relieved for myself & my family because even though I would have used my fame for good I wouldn't want to drag my family into my career like that. I'm so glad that I'm a nobody to the public eye lifestyle.

As for my individual who is not mine and will never be mine I am doing okay. I realize now that regardless I did make the right decision though sometimes I go to bed at night and think to myself that I missed out on getting to know someone who has such a spark about him that drew me to him all those years ago and that's the part of me that is selfish. As for his life and career I am proud I got to witness a talent who is now a husband & father to children who gives back in various ways and is multidimensional in facets that I wish I could have seen in real time but I have to believe that everything is all for the best - for his sake and mine as well.

I wish you all a good day. I had been contemplating writing this a few days ago but hadn't felt up to it. I'm writing this to you all on a upset stomach. The older I get I can't digest food the same way I used to. I guess that's all part of the aging process. When I turned 10 and became a woman I felt as though I was 30 and now that I'm 30 turning 31 in the New Year I wake up and my body aches and pains and can't sleep properly because my mind races on so many issues in life: personal & beyond my control, other people, things that happened in my childhood, things I've done wrong, just a myriad of things but I have to remember that what's done is done and try to move forward in everything the best way I possibly can.

 

 

Edited by urivgirl86
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, perfectcircle77 said:

Congrats on the job @MysteryName - fantastic news, so happy for you.

Interesting what you say about dream job. Maybe dream job isn't the right phrase. I didn't do what I was passionate about, what I thought I might be good at. I didn't trust in myself enough to have the confidence to take that first step. I could have hated it, who knows? Given the way the world has changed in terms of technology since I was at university, that job is not really something that is valued any more anyway.

And people may look at me now and think, "that is the dream" - I am doing something I am fairly good at on completely my own terms, I work from home, I choose when I work, I choose how much work I'm prepared to do. That is good (although at low times it is bad because if I don't work, I have no money so it's hard to muster the energy and concentration). But trust me, over the past 20 years, I have been fluid and moved on when I started to hate what I was doing - I can usually last about 2 years before I get itchy feet. My last job, before becoming self employed, I lasted longer because I had my eldest daughter in the middle which broke it up. It goes back to before about cycles of obsession, in this case, it's not so much obsession more something that will hold my interest.

Thanks so much! Thanks too @Audrey822 !

Admittedly what I write about dream jobs is skewed by my own experience. I had sort of dreams growing up but they were short lived and I don't attach much weight to them now. Also skewed by the fact that now all I care about is my lovely CO. I did stop thinking about her as much (still looked up stuff on her online regularly of course and used her to calm me down when the job hunting tension got too much) when I became focussed on the job hunting process. Now though the obsession has come back. I don't think I'm quite as obsessed as I once was though. I hope I can care about something other than her when I start my job.

Although I can't speak from the point of view of someone who really has grown up with an intense dream career I still think society today places too much emphasis on dream careers. The thing that gives you fulfilment doesn't have to be the same thing as the thing that gives you an income and jobs that a typical kid hasn't even heard of can still be interesting and creative and challenge you.

Edited by MysteryName
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well I saw the preview for that Franco movie and it looks just as bad as I thought it would. HATE. Like I said before, I've never actually seen any movies he's done with Mila but there's 3..thats too much! I'm just not gonna look into it any farther but god seeing that a****** made my blood boil and I think my girlfriend may have picked up on that cuz while I tried with all my might to hide my anger, I still couldn't act like I was before it came on. I really hope what I believe is true..that nothing happened..but its what I MUST believe. Seeing all his ridiculous muscles and whatnot..id like to think for my sake that she isn't into all that. I am attractive enough I guess but I only weigh 150 pounds. I'm just trying to shut that part of my mind off but I tell you what I am NEVER watching that crap and I wont help but feel like my face is being spit in even if she watches it without me. If she thinks he's so great maybe she should go get him. And if she does watch it, bad moms here I come. I hate hearing my gf talk about all the things she gets excited about on tv cuz I don't get to watch anything I truly want to watch. Not even family guy cuz I'm not allowed and I cant even hear her voice without losing my mind with wanting. I shoulda never told her sh*t. Stupid me wanting to share all of myself with someone. My OCD about the movie wears on me more by the day. Her next movie is called jackpot. Wonder what Mila will do that I cant see this time. Well, im sorry for rambling on. I just need to see Mila so bad.

How can you tempt me with being able to see your angelic face and hear your sweet sweet voice for only a dollar fifty?? I dont know how the red box doesn't have a line going out the door but I'm glad there isn't. You're not for them. You're supposed to be for me. I just hope you see that one day, baby and for the love of god please stop hurting me. I cant take any more pain but I need to see you, Mila.

sorry for rambling. I know I dont need to explain why. OBSESSED.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@MysteryName Your insight into the idea of "dream jobs" is interesting....you've presented this in a way I never considered before, and it certainly helps to relieve a lot of regret. 

"What kid knows the full array of jobs that exist out there and anything about what they are really like or even about themselves?"

From personal experience, being a mom to a young boy, now grown, who changed his preference for a "dream job" almost every week:  kids almost never choose jobs that many people have and are satisfied with; kids always go for glamour or fun jobs (my son wanted to be a race car driver, a pediatrician, a scientist, and a baseball player ...that's just some of the careers he aspired to have that I can remember!)  He's now selling supplemental health insurance policies with his dad who has the same profession....both are doing quite well, but does anyone ever say "I want to be an insurance agent when I grow up?"  LOL -- I doubt it.  Incidentally, this same son is just waiting for his teacher's certification, at which time he'll be ready to teach biology at the high school level.  << At least that's closer to his preferences when he was younger! :Coopwink:

I wanted to be a pop singer.  I didn't yet realize that I have a phobia about speaking (or performing!) in front of a lot of people!!  Let's not even discuss whether it would have been possible due to my singing talent  ? (or, more precisely, lack thereof!! LOL)  

For awhile I managed to have the career I aspired to have when I was in college...I wanted to work in advertising, and I did.  I was a copywriter and account rep....unfortunately, it was for a local agency, so I never got to write a TV commercial for Coca-Cola or Apple Computers.  I did get to write a few TV and radio commercials though:  clients included a local car dealer, paint retail store, and a seafood restaurant.  Yay.  ?

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Audrey822 said:

@MysteryName Your insight into the idea of "dream jobs" is interesting....you've presented this in a way I never considered before, and it certainly helps to relieve a lot of regret. 

"What kid knows the full array of jobs that exist out there and anything about what they are really like or even about themselves?"

From personal experience, being a mom to a young boy, now grown, who changed his preference for a "dream job" almost every week:  kids almost never choose jobs that many people have and are satisfied with; kids always go for glamour or fun jobs (my son wanted to be a race car driver, a pediatrician, a scientist, and a baseball player ...that's just some of the careers he aspired to have that I can remember!)  He's now selling supplemental health insurance policies with his dad who has the same profession....both are doing quite well, but does anyone ever say "I want to be an insurance agent when I grow up?"  LOL -- I doubt it.  Incidentally, this same son is just waiting for his teacher's certification, at which time he'll be ready to teach biology at the high school level.  << At least that's closer to his preferences when he was younger! :Coopwink:

I wanted to be a pop singer.  I didn't yet realize that I have a phobia about speaking (or performing!) in front of a lot of people!!  Let's not even discuss whether it would have been possible due to my singing talent  ? (or, more precisely, lack thereof!! LOL)  

For awhile I managed to have the career I aspired to have when I was in college...I wanted to work in advertising, and I did.  I was a copywriter and account rep....unfortunately, it was for a local agency, so I never got to write a TV commercial for Coca-Cola or Apple Computers.  I did get to write a few TV and radio commercials though:  clients included a local car dealer, paint retail store, and a seafood restaurant.  Yay.  ?

 

Writing for TV does sound very cool, local or not commercials or not! Also it's weird seeing a job that you briefly attempted but that destroyed your soul being listed as a dream job. Just goes to show! although I don't think I really counted as a scientist except for working in a university in a research capacity in a field more science than arts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, MysteryName said:

Writing for TV does sound very cool, local or not commercials or not! Also it's weird seeing a job that you briefly attempted but that destroyed your soul being listed as a dream job. Just goes to show! although I don't think I really counted as a scientist except for working in a university in a research capacity in a field more science than arts.

That definitely counts! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@MysteryName Congrats on the new job!! I can relate to you about the Impostor Syndrome. I did a lot of research into that in my last year of university when my grades shot up and I was facing the reality that the degree I'd been working towards for four years was actually becoming a reality. Of course, being the way I am, that made me feel weird rather than good. I was convinced I didn't deserve anything, my accomplishments were all flukes, and my professors didn't know what they were talking about. All unnecessary self-punishment. It's the demon in our minds, set out to destroy us. Don't let it take over. It has no power. It just wants to give you the illusion of power. Allow the good into your life. Don't fight it. Realize that the voice in your head that's telling you to fight the good is wrong. That voice is the psychological equivalent of a mean bully who wants to take you down for no good reason. You are too strong not to win this fight. I really believe in you :happy: 

Edited by posie_riot
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@MysteryName The only person who can decide if you're nothing in comparison to your goddess is you. I know I am just as suitable for Mila as anyone else..possibly more so than anyone from silver spoon land cuz I live real life, have real problems, and try to be real in everything I do. Who decides who is unattainable? Who is good enough? Some spoiled Hollywood bonehead? Screw that man. Once you get past the point of thinking that there's someone out there better suited for your goddess than you..and that she's YOUR person..the better your fantasies as well as hopes for a future encounter will be, I promise. As far as I'm concerned, if there is a lick of truth to anything the media tries to tell me about Mila, which I refuse to ever believe, it's only going on because I haven't chosen to go over there and stop it. Hopefully, you can adopt this way of thinking. And remember anything you hear that's hurtful is just rubbish unworthy of polluting your thoughts. I heard you have what paparazzi people DON'T have..a real job. Congratulations on that. Just remember, a success story for you is no more unrealistic than it is for anyone else and if you let yourself think otherwise, you're pretty much admitting that other men are better suited for her. I dont even know who your CO is but the truth is, you are not only worthy of her, but the MOST worthy, even if your comparisons of yourself to her fall short as mine often do, because she's YOUR person. She was meant for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've just got through one of the most stressful and busy weeks of university I've ever had! I still have quite a lot of stuff I need to do, but I think the worst is over for now.

As for my obsession, I suppose things are going alright. Though I'm kind of starting to wish I didn't have to be like this... Part of me wants to actually have a real relationship or at least something resembling a love life. I've been single for over two years now, and I feel like I'm wasting away the years of my life where I should be dating and having fun - trouble is, the thought of doing that fills me with dread. Being by myself and dreaming about being with someone who doesn't know I exist still seems like the better option to me. The problem I have is I don't want to be single... but I don't want to be with someone I'm not madly in love with. No real solution to that I suppose!

One bad thing I've noticed about myself is that I've become so so cynical about relationships since being with my ex. When we were together, everyone thought we were a happy, loved-up couple, even my own mother. Of course, nothing could have been further from the truth! These days I see all these couples I know who seem so desperate to prove to the world how amazing their relationships are, and it just makes me think that the only reason these people get together is so they can feel smug and superior over single people... I'm going to be honest, that was one of the many awful reasons why I ended up with my ex. Maybe I'm just a bitter singleton, and all these couples really do feel the same way about each other as people like us feel about our COs... but somehow I doubt it. :roll2:

Completely off topic - but does anyone else here get this annoying problem when you're typing a post? Sometimes it's fine, but other times I click the mouse in the wrong place or something, and then when I try and change something I've written, it highlights the bit I clicked on and then when I write, it starts deleting what's written after. I think I've explained that really badly, but it's so annoying!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@posie_riot That is a perfect description of imposter syndrome. I have such lows I wish I could be left alone to enjoy the highs but I'm always suspicious of them - like a deal that looks too good to be true. And thank you for what you said after it. I believe in myself more than I did. I want to say the same to you in return but I don't know what you're situation is right now and what you're working on. I want things to work out for you. 

@OpalP25 We all in this forum seem to have the same tendency to overthink. If you can bring yourself to just try dating, sign up to OKCupid if you want, it can just be a fun thing to do in its own right if you don't think too much about what it could or couldn't lead. I'll try and have that attitude when I get into the new job and get myself together. You have interesting conversations, meet interesting people, have a few fun evenings. If you're nice to hang out with and you aren't already decided that you 100% don't want a relationship then you aren't misleading anyone or wasting anyone's time so nothing wrong with trying it and seeing what happens. Easier said than done maybe but just my 2 cents and advice I'm gonna try giving myself.

@nothingatall7777 What can I do? Even ordinary girls are out of my league, how can a perfect goddess be in it? She's not a vapid celebrity. She has earned her fame the hard way by working and working and working and being very good at many many different things. She is endlessly creative and contributes so much (as well as being the most one-of-a-kind beautiful woman on earth with an impossibly sweet personality) and I do nothing. I haven't even finished anything I've created. She isn't a mainstream celebrity - she inhabits a geeky off beat world ignored by mainstream media inhabited by many people who are moderately famous because, like her, they work really hard to create amazing things. Not by pointless celebrities. She must be dating one of them. The media doesn't lie as it just ignores offbeat geeky celebrities like her anyway. Thankfully.

I contribute nothing. I waste all my time on the internet consuming what she creates and ogling photos and videos of her. I will feel better when I start my new job if it goes well but I still won't be near her level.

What would I do anyway? I live in England, she lives in LA. How will I see her except at a meet and greet after her show if I fly to LA. I'd get a few seconds with her and then be told to move on and then I'd have to fly home anyway. She has already said in interviews that she finds guys who come up to her after shows and say they have a crush on her creepy. A ton of other guys will think the same of her as I do. Why am I special? If I send her an e-mail it'll be just be thrown on the pile with all the other creepy e-mails sent from weird obsessed guys. There are a lot of them. She attracts them.

No. I will definitely meet her some day. But I can't expect more than just meeting her.

Edited by MysteryName
typo
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

I've just got through one of the most stressful and busy weeks of university I've ever had! I still have quite a lot of stuff I need to do, but I think the worst is over for now.

As for my obsession, I suppose things are going alright. Though I'm kind of starting to wish I didn't have to be like this... Part of me wants to actually have a real relationship or at least something resembling a love life. I've been single for over two years now, and I feel like I'm wasting away the years of my life where I should be dating and having fun - trouble is, the thought of doing that fills me with dread. Being by myself and dreaming about being with someone who doesn't know I exist still seems like the better option to me. The problem I have is I don't want to be single... but I don't want to be with someone I'm not madly in love with. No real solution to that I suppose!

One bad thing I've noticed about myself is that I've become so so cynical about relationships since being with my ex. When we were together, everyone thought we were a happy, loved-up couple, even my own mother. Of course, nothing could have been further from the truth! These days I see all these couples I know who seem so desperate to prove to the world how amazing their relationships are, and it just makes me think that the only reason these people get together is so they can feel smug and superior over single people... I'm going to be honest, that was one of the many awful reasons why I ended up with my ex. Maybe I'm just a bitter singleton, and all these couples really do feel the same way about each other as people like us feel about our COs... but somehow I doubt it. :roll2:

Completely off topic - but does anyone else here get this annoying problem when you're typing a post? Sometimes it's fine, but other times I click the mouse in the wrong place or something, and then when I try and change something I've written, it highlights the bit I clicked on and then when I write, it starts deleting what's written after. I think I've explained that really badly, but it's so annoying!

Sometimes I have a problem when I'm trying to quote a post but I haven't noticed the exact situation that you're describing.

But I feel your pain on the love life stuff! I don't even want to say how long I've been single but it's been much longer than two years. :)  I was speaking to someone on a dating app recently who was way too young for me anyway (12 years!), but we were chatting for a bit and he gave me his number. But he did it in such a nonchalant way that I wasn't really motivated to contact him, and I kind of felt that it would be a waste of time for both of us anyway since my mind isn't on dating and he's just too young. So our communication ended there. I feel kind of bad because I kind of just disappeared on the poor guy but...it was for his own good (and mine).

Today at work, I spent a lot of time thinking about my daydream/story and it's been pretty fun because I'm working on visualizing my character's second wedding. The first one was a huge affair but after the divorce, she just wanted to do something small the second time around so they eloped. On the beach. And it was beautiful.... Yeah, so this is why I can't date in real life! lol 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

I've just got through one of the most stressful and busy weeks of university I've ever had! I still have quite a lot of stuff I need to do, but I think the worst is over for now.

As for my obsession, I suppose things are going alright. Though I'm kind of starting to wish I didn't have to be like this... Part of me wants to actually have a real relationship or at least something resembling a love life. I've been single for over two years now, and I feel like I'm wasting away the years of my life where I should be dating and having fun - trouble is, the thought of doing that fills me with dread. Being by myself and dreaming about being with someone who doesn't know I exist still seems like the better option to me. The problem I have is I don't want to be single... but I don't want to be with someone I'm not madly in love with. No real solution to that I suppose!

One bad thing I've noticed about myself is that I've become so so cynical about relationships since being with my ex. When we were together, everyone thought we were a happy, loved-up couple, even my own mother. Of course, nothing could have been further from the truth! These days I see all these couples I know who seem so desperate to prove to the world how amazing their relationships are, and it just makes me think that the only reason these people get together is so they can feel smug and superior over single people... I'm going to be honest, that was one of the many awful reasons why I ended up with my ex. Maybe I'm just a bitter singleton, and all these couples really do feel the same way about each other as people like us feel about our COs... but somehow I doubt it. :roll2:

Completely off topic - but does anyone else here get this annoying problem when you're typing a post? Sometimes it's fine, but other times I click the mouse in the wrong place or something, and then when I try and change something I've written, it highlights the bit I clicked on and then when I write, it starts deleting what's written after. I think I've explained that really badly, but it's so annoying!

First, congrats on getting through the "worst" part of your university semester.  That must be a relief!  

I doubt that those couples feel the same way about each other that we feel about our COs.  To paraphrase Miss Therapist, no real person could live up to the ideals we set for our COs.  I was reading something last night about the phases of a relationship (it was a bit depressing, to be honest.)  Here's the link:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-passion-paradox/201302/can-old-love-be-new-again

My theory:  since we've never had a real relationship with our COs, we're all still in that "passionate" stage of the relationship we're having with them in our imaginations. We haven't seen them at their worst; we haven't seen what they're really like when they're not performing, when the cameras are turned off, when they're not preening for social media.  In other words, we don't know what they're really like at home. We only know what we're allowed to know; what the PR agents want us to know, or what the celebrity him/herself chooses to allow us to see. Let's face it, we all have annoying habits and idiosyncrasies; everyone does....the men and women we idolize and love here are no exception.  

While I know I would love my CO, I'm mature enough (LOL) to know that the "passionate" phase of any relationship we might have couldn't last forever -- that's right; not even with him.  That's not to say I would lose my desire for him...there's no way that would happen.  I'm struggling to explain this....if you've been in a real relationship where things have stabilized, you know what I mean....it's a feeling where you become "comfortable" with one another, rather than being on high alert all the time.   This is not a bad thing, but it does mean people in that situation don't have the same (giddy) feelings we have for our COs for reasons that should be obvious.  

Am I trying to talk anyone out of a "real" relationship here?  No.  But you know what?  Not too long ago, when I was still having pity parties and feeling quite down on myself, I wondered if the chance for a (better) real relationship had passed me by due to my age (and with another birthday fast approaching. ?)  I was reassured by a few people that it wasn't so....many people even older than me (yes, there are people older than me! ha! ?) have started new relationships.  I recalled that my mother was just beginning a new relationship at the age of 80 when she passed away....I still have a ways to go before I reach that age.  It made me feel better to hear all that.

BUT...

I got to thinking about it....putting myself in that position in my (very good) imagination.  Any unfortunate man who would try to date me would still have to compete with my CO...I couldn't even imagine myself having a dinner date with anyone else.  I'm serious.  I'm just not really interested in anyone else. 

Disclaimer:  I know you know this @OpalP25...and others do too, but for the sake of anyone reading this who doesn't...yes, I'm married.  And there was a time when I was interested in someone else, i.e, my husband.  He let those feelings die, not me.  He allowed me to turn my full attention back to my CO.  I'm assigning full blame of this on him.  For us, it's more than just having settled into that "comfortable" phase.  Much more. 

About your off-topic final paragraph...YES!!  The formatting on this site drives me insane at times.  I've experienced the same thing you mentioned, and other issues as well.  I post on quite a few message boards, none of them have the formatting issues this one does.  

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, MysteryName said:

I believe in myself more than I did.

 

wtg.jpg

 

 

 

 I'll try and have that attitude when I get into the new job and get myself together. 

(see my comment above!!  -- Same here!!)
 

What can I do? Even ordinary girls are out of my league

no-1.gif

 

Stay positive!! 



I contribute nothing.

(see above comment!! -- Same here!!)

I will feel better when I start my new job if it goes well but I still won't be near her level.

thats-better.jpg

I'd get a few seconds with her and then be told to move on and then I'd have to fly home anyway.

I said the same thing about meeting my CO.  IF it's going to happen, I don't want it to happen at a meet and greet, after a concert where I'm just another woman who gets 30 seconds to tell him "I've loved your music all my life!" and then have to move on with nothing but an autograph to show for the meeting. ? I've said at least 100x on here if I've said it once, I could not stand to walk away from him like that.  I want to be able to speak to him, one-on-one....like normal people do when they're flirting. ? (LOL)  I want to have a chance to charm the socks off of him.  ? I believe in myself much more than I used to also....and I believe I could do that, if given the chance.   (And so could you with your lovely CO.) ?

 

Due to the ridiculous formatting issues discussed above, I had to put some of my replies to specific parts of your post inside the quote box.  ?

Edited by Audrey822
Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, nothingatall7777 said:

As far as I'm concerned, if there is a lick of truth to anything the media tries to tell me about Mila, which I refuse to ever believe, it's only going on because I haven't chosen to go over there and stop it. Hopefully, you can adopt this way of thinking. And remember anything you hear that's hurtful is just rubbish unworthy of polluting your thoughts.

You know how I handle this....a little differently than you do.  I can't accept what I've seen as a lie (if you can, that's great!)  but I just choose to ignore it.  I'm so much better now that I've had my closure moment. The link is to the post where I described, in detail, what I did to a poster with you-know-who* on it (*now referred to as CPG, "Charred Poster Girl"...this is why ? )  I don't know if you read about that or not...well, you can now if you click the links.... I had a lot of fun doing it!! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Today at work, I spent a lot of time thinking about my daydream/story and it's been pretty fun because I'm working on visualizing my character's second wedding. The first one was a huge affair but after the divorce, she just wanted to do something small the second time around so they eloped. On the beach. And it was beautiful.... Yeah, so this is why I can't date in real life! lol 

Your username isn't "HopelessRomantic" for no reason...LOL!! ? (I love it!)

I love hearing these details about your stories...you're very creative!! ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@OpalP25

Part of me wants to actually have a real relationship or at least something resembling a love life. I've been single for over two years now, and I feel like I'm wasting away the years of my life where I should be dating and having fun - trouble is, the thought of doing that fills me with dread. Being by myself and dreaming about being with someone who doesn't know I exist still seems like the better option to me.

____

This line is me !

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@OpalP25 Congrats on making it through your "hell week"! I bet that's a huge weight off your shoulders. 

We're a lot alike. I can relate to what you're feeling about wanting a real relationship but also knowing in your mind that your fantasy relationship with your CO is preferable. Who in their right mind would choose a flawed, real-life relationship over a  "perfect" relationship that satisfies you just as much (if not more) than a real relationship? But every once in awhile, along comes that little tap on your shoulder and a little voice says: "Umm, you do realize you're alone, right?" No relationship is perfect - not even the fantasy ones. 

Your analysis on relationships is interesting and likely true in a lot (most?) cases. There's a stigma around being single. There's this perception that being single makes you a "loser" or that you're single because no one wants you. People get into relationships as a way of saying to themselves and to the world: "Look! Someone loves me! Someone thinks I'm great!" I've been single since...forever. I feel like a loser for a lot of reasons, but ironically being single isn't one of them. I wish I could find someone who I'm madly in love with and want to be with, but I don't feel the need to date some random guy just to prove something about myself to others. That's just not part of my make up, for some reason. All those feelings that you'd normally get in a relationship - feeling special, loved, and appreciated - I get through my fantasies. For me, fantasizing about being in a relationship works very well as a substitute for a real-life connection. Of course, there are cracks in this little plan. My very presence on this thread shows a pretty obvious crack. Not having anyone in my life physically is another major crack (I'm socially isolated and totally touch-starved). I worry constantly about never having children. Basically, whether you're in a real-life relationship or a fantasy relationship with a CO, there are going to be problems. I guess we have to decide which problems are easier to deal with. Ideally we'll both fall madly in love with men who are our fantasies brought to life, but I'm not really holding my breath :(

About the formatting...this site drives me insane. I don't think I've ever had your specific issue, but I've had just about ever other issue you can think of. Every successful post I make here is a small miracle. 

Edited by posie_riot
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...