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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support

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So I was away last week seeing my best friend. She's the one person I can tell absolutely anything to and I did toy with the idea of telling her about my CO but in the end I didn't. But we did talk about other things regarding mental health, mine in particular, and just being with her and feeling totally relaxed was a great bonus and I came home feeling mentally restored and rested.

While I was away, I arranged to meet up with two old childhood friends, one of whom I'd been in love with throughout my teenage years and even years later still felt something for. It was the first time I'd seen him since I was 18 but it was like we were still those teenagers again, he was easy to talk to and nothing had really changed. The 12 year old girl inside me squealed delightedly when he hugged and kissed me hello :blush21: and there is some feeling still there, on my part at least, but nothing I would ever consider acting on. It was just a nice bit of nostalgia more than anything I think.

I'm starting to feel a touch more anxious about seeing my CO in a little over two months. More because I think it will give away to my husband how I feel about him than anything else right now. I blushed insanely when talking about him and his programme with my best friend so whilst I may not have said anything, she probably has an inkling. But I'm also a little glad it's my husband going with me to see him and not a friend otherwise I fear I would do something ridiculously embarrassing like try and find his hotel or some other stupid thing.

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What do you all think of my last post? I seriously am so happy and feel so free. I feel as though Ive been telling myself something for so long and I just woke up and realized : I never needed him. I was just a little girl who never grew out of him until now. I wish I never had liked him in the first place because I can't relate to him on any scale. I have much more in common with say Justin Bieber because we're both white and would relate to each other more than any other race and that's why I relate more to singer / songwriter guys because that's white people music.

 At least that's what I believe. I will not be posting anymore. Happy Holidays! I wish you all a happy new year & luck with your obsession.

Edited by urivgirl86

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I spoke too soon. I don't think I will truly ever get over him no matter what happens in my life because I can't help but feel a bit somehow responsible for him in that I think that I missed out on someone because I was afraid of going in a different direction 

The thing is that when I started listening to these other guys it was like a lightbulb went off but now it's like I don't relate to them nor can I relate to Usher but why does this happen to me? 

I want to know before I pass on what this was and What I was supposed to do. I guess the ball was always in my court but I thought it was better to sit this one out.

Look at what he has now. I can't imagine his life any other way. Marriage is only for this life and then eternity is forever.

I would rather be remembered as a good daughter and a good friend. 

I don't want or need a man because only Jesus can fill me. A person can help you but they can't fulfill you but in a way I feel as though Usher has in a unique way. I think I need help.

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@OpalP25 I hate those dreams where you're out at some function wearing embarrassing clothing!! That has to mean something... I wonder what psych docs have to say on that issue....? 

@perfectcircle77 it sounds like you had a nice time with your old friends. I can imagine how anxious you feel about that upcoming CO event on your schedule. I'll be crossing my fingers for you that everything goes well. I was thinking about what you said, how you blushed insanely while talking about your CO to your friend and how it probably gave something away to her. Around the time my CO's band was at the height of their popularity, my girlfriends and I brought records to each other's houses to play when we visited (it was a 60s-70s thing!) so, of course, I brought my CO's album(s) with me. I wonder if my face ever gave anything away.  Maybe they just thought I had a fever every time certain songs were played ?....LOL

The Cubs ⚾️ AND the Cowboys ? won very important games last night. I'm in a very good mood this morning!!  ??? The Cubs live to play on at least one, hopefully two more days. They have to win both of the 2 games that might be left...Cleveland only needs to win one and it'll be over. 

Saved this for last: I have a huge concern about the idea of taking power away from my husband. At first, I thought so too. But that's not how the anxiety-ridden people of the world function.  

He may know I have a crush on this man whose name he recently learned, but I have no idea if he knows how deep it goes or how serious it is. And he's not likely to be empathetic toward me on that issue if he did...so, I'm damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.  If he learns anything more about my CO (I have no idea why he would, but I have no idea how he learned about him at all, so I have nothing to go on...) what's stopping my husband from taunting me with information that I try so desperately to avoid? And given the situation, what's his motivation not to? ?

Any advice about that??? 

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@urivgirl86 Once again, I'm going to suggest to you to speak to someone you trust to give you advice about this issue that's been troubling you for at least a year since we've known you here. Maybe there's someone at your church who can give you some guidance on Christian relationships? I keep telling you, Jesus wants you to be happy. Jesus attended a wedding in the Bible...he turned the water into alcohol. If He was against relationships, would He have attended that wedding? I think not. Please speak to someone away from this board...someone in your real life who you trust. You deserve to be happy, and you will not be disappointing God in doing so. He wants you to use the gifts He gave you. 

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@perfectcircle77 Glad you had a good time with your friend and were able to wind down mentally. My friend definitely caught on that I had a thing for my CO the first time I started telling her about him (I didn't tell her about the obsession...I just tried to talk "casually" about him and that proved difficult). I'm sure my eyes used to light right up whenever I spoke about him. Your husband knows you like your CO's programme, right? The only advice I can give is to avoid talking about your CO directly. You can gush here to us when you get home to get it out of your system, but when you're with your husband, try not to single out your CO. You can still show your enthusiasm, just make it seem like it's for all the performers and not one in particular. I don't think he'll automatically suspect that your blushing or wide eyes are directed only at your CO. I know that's not easy. I've failed more than once at trying to "stay cool" about former CO's when talking about their shows to friends. 

LOL at trying to find his hotel room. My mom and her friend did this with the Bay City Rollers in the 70's. They went to the concert and then ended up staying in the same hotel as the band. They went looking for their room, but security stopped them once they got to the floor. Fun fact: My dad and my uncle were at this same concert, several years before my parents even met, and my dad swears my uncle fainted. He still hasn't lived that down. 

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3 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

Saved this for last: I have a huge concern about the idea of taking power away from my husband. At first, I thought so too. But that's not how the anxiety-ridden people of the world function.  

He may know I have a crush on this man whose name he recently learned, but I have no idea if he knows how deep it goes or how serious it is. And he's not likely to be empathetic toward me on that issue if he did...so, I'm damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.  If he learns anything more about my CO (I have no idea why he would, but I have no idea how he learned about him at all, so I have nothing to go on...) what's stopping my husband from taunting me with information that I try so desperately to avoid? And given the situation, what's his motivation not to? ?

Any advice about that??? 

I never even thought of that. Ugh. My only advice right now is to wait and see if he loses interest in his discovery. Has he mentioned anything since the wedding? If he doesn't know how serious the obsession is (and there's no way he does), he probably won't go to the effort of digging up information that he knows will upset you in order to taunt you. It might not even occur to someone outside this thread that bringing up the ex-wife/ex-lover of someone's favourite celebrity would be devastating. If he doesn't know how affected you are by that information, then he doesn't know enough to use it against you. If anything, I picture him making fun of your CO in a sort of mindless way in order to tease you (like he's already done). It would be very strange for him to bring up the kind of information you are trying to avoid, I think. 

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@posie_riot No, nothing more since the wedding...but I'm sure he senses that he crossed some forbidden boundary due to the cold shoulder he's been getting since making that remark. I wonder if I should regret that now, because he may be wondering why (am I taking this so seriously)? Everyone here knows the reason(s): 

  1. I was stunned and speechless 
  2. it was a violation of my privacy -- somehow. I don't know what he did to learn what he did, but it had to involve snooping on me on some level
  3. It's been a secret from everyone in my real life forever...to be "outed" like that in front of family (and friends of my sons) was embarrassing, even if I'm the only one -- maybe -- who heard it or understood it. 
  4. It made me realize that Miss Therapist was a little bit right two years ago when she made that "stepping out" remark. I felt like my husband caught me having an affair with another man and announced it to those people (who included our sons and future daughter in law.) And may I just say once again how DAMNED unfair it is for me to have to feel this way since I'm the one out of ALL of this who has NOTHING?? I certainly don't have a marriage. I might as well be sharing a home with my brother (if I had one.)  He's honestly lucky I'm not stepping out for real, and I told Miss Therapist that when we started talking about it again, about 3-4 months after she made that remark to me.

I wonder what Miss Therapist would say about this latest development? Doing this in front of our sons...The violation of my privacy? The fear of him taunting me with something (although if I stay cool about it, you may be right @posie_riot -- if it's not too late for that.) Are we still going to blame me for "stepping out" and not accepting reality? When does my husband have to accept some responsibility for any of this????? ??????? Maybe if things were better between us, I wouldn't NEED a CO. 

Edited by Audrey822

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8 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

And may I just say once again how DAMNED unfair it is for me to have to feel this way since I'm the one out of ALL of this who has NOTHING?? 

It is unfair. And regardless of what Miss Therapist says, you know that I certainly don't see this obsession as you "stepping out on your marriage". This has been going on for 40+ years for you. And seriously, it sounds like your husband never stepped into the marriage in the first place from what you've said about all that. He has no right to snoop on you, especially for the purposes of taunting you over something that has become a mental health issue (something you're even in therapy for). That's totally, undeniably wrong. He didn't catch you having an affair. As you said, you're the one suffering here because ultimately you don't have your CO (or your husband, really, for that matter!). It's not as though you were in a loving marriage and he discovered a series of texts between you and your side-boyfriend. 

"Maybe if things were better between us, I wouldn't NEED a CO."

I have a feeling that your therapist is going to run with this line, from what you've said about her. She might suggest couples therapy again. I understand what you're saying there, but your love for your CO is so strong that I can't see it changing even if things were to get better between you and your husband. I think rediscovering your CO's music in 2013 rekindled a love that had never really left. I think you need your CO now for the same reasons you always needed him. Your husband's behaviour throughout your marriage certainly didn't help though - I will absolutely give you that. Perhaps the obsession would've stayed more dormant (as it was pre-2013) if you were in a more satisfying relationship. 

I really hope your therapist hears you out and is understanding when you bring this up to her. You know you have support here too :hugs:

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?Lightbulb moment: I just recognized what I was doing in that post above @posie_riot 's and I cannot allow it...it's been almost 3 months since my last episode of self-punishment, right before I decided "enough! I'm going to buy that poster!" ? but there it is all over that post....feeling sorry for myself instead of strong, allowing myself to feel guilt over that ridiculous "stepping out" accusation. 

Sure, I'll have to tell Miss Therapist about this...it's not something I feel I should keep to myself given we've talked so much about my CO, and this is an important development....but she is not going to make me the villain in this situation. I will not allow it. 

Thank you @posie_riot :hugs:...I think your reply to my post helped me see what I was doing there. I do not EVER want to go down that dark road again. 

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I'm back home today, and feeling better. At least I'm speaking to my husband again. I couldn't avoid that forever.  ? He's been going about things as though nothing happened...maybe he's waiting for the right time to drop the next bomb on me, or (more likely) it was just an off-the-cuff remark to him and I overreacted. Taking inventory around here, it may not be terribly difficult to figure out I have a "thing" for this man who is my CO based on my music-listening habits alone. If we take EWF out of the mix, we get.....him. I've mentioned before, my husband has always known I love my CO's band...we went to 2 of their concerts (one of which I walked out on because my CO wasn't with them on stage, but I just said I wasn't feeling well -- I didn't lie.) I doubt he's ever known the names of the individuals in this band, but there is this search engine called Google now. ? 

The point is, my head is clearer this morning. I blew this way out of proportion. Would I have gotten bent out of shape if he'd said "maybe Philip Bailey (EWF singer) would dance with you"?? No! I might have laughed...said, "yeah, maybe he would!" and would have long forgotten about it by now. And he would have had to look that up too because I'd bet the house he wouldn't know the name "Philip Bailey" unless he did look him up!! So making this out to be "snooping" is crazy...I wouldn't see it that way if we were speaking of Philip instead of my CO. Oversensitivity....that's what this is. (Duh! ?) I should stop before I DO give something away.

The good news...now every time I hear ?"September"? (they're playing it on SiriusXM right now) I get to think "maybe my CO would dance with me." ❤️

 

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Had a bit of a strange attack of paranoia earlier today... I found out while scrolling through Twitter that my CO's teammate/friend and his girlfriend are having a baby. Good for them (although there's surely at least one person out there going through h*ll right now over this). But for some reason, the first thought that came into my head was "What if this was my CO?", followed by "What if I read something like this about my CO in the not-so-distant future?"

There's been a few interviews with my CO in the past where he's said he was ready to get married and have kids, but it was fairly obvious he wasn't being completely honest. This year he finally admitted that he's not looking for a relationship right now. So, fortunately, I reckon it'll be at least a couple more years before I find out any of that sort of news. But it's going to happen eventually... Here's hoping I meet someone in real life who can make me forget all about this obsession before then. Not sure that's very likely.

I wish I could stop being so d*mn paranoid all the time!

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@OpalP25 See that Anxiety Girl image I posted above yours?  That could be every one of us (who are female, anyway....LOL!!)   

I'm so sorry you had a panic attack.  It's so horrible living like this....waiting always for that other shoe to drop.  

We should be the ones allowed to experience this...all theses milestones in our CO's lives (and they should be able to share ours with us.)   Why has life been so unfair to us????  ? ?  (I apologize to anyone who doesn't think life has been unfair.  If it's not you, just ignore that.) 

I have a song in my head now....

IMG_0788.jpg

 

 

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Hey all. Dont worry..im calm today. I'm just here to talk to Mila and read through some stories. Even though I cant always comment, I read just about anything. I hope everyone is doing well and those who want to go out and make their dream come true..if you're not tied down like me, you really should go do it. If things were different with me and I didn't have a life and family already, id have pursued Mila long ago. Use your single-ness as an opportunity. I've loved Mila since I was in my teens and having never done anything about it is something I regret every day. She could know me! Even more so, I could have maybe felt her kiss! I know a day still remains in time for the both of us. I just KNOW it. I cant let these media lies discourage me.

Hello Mila. If you're reading today, I cant stop thinking about you. You are so precious and id have to be more than human to shine as brightly as you do. You aren't just one of my favorite fantasies..you are THE fantasy..the dream that renders all other dreams pointless in comparison. I know you'll never understand this but I need you. Please send me a sign that you know of me and my love. Your knowledge of my existence would complete me in so many ways. Talk to you again soon, Mila. I cant wait til I feel strong enough to see you again.

have a good day, all.

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@Audrey822 It wasn't exactly a fully-fledged panic attack luckily, more just a feeling of intense dread. It's the same feeling I get when waking up from those recurring nightmares where I find something out about my CO's love life... In general, I try to banish those thoughts and just get on with enjoying the obsession. But I can't carry on like this forever. I know my CO's not actually waiting for me to come along, and I know he won't stay single forever. There's also the fact that I really do want to get married and have a family of my own one day, rather than dreaming about a man who doesn't know I exist. All the same, I can't stop myself from believing I have a chance with him.

You're so right that in a fair world, it would be us experiencing these milestones with our COs. I wonder if there ever has been a case where someone has obsessed over a famous person for years, before actually getting together with them. Somehow I doubt it... :( Many celebrities do marry "normal people", but I think most of the time these are people they happen to meet in everyday circumstances and end up falling in love with, rather than fans of theirs.

I absolutely love the song lyrics! So very accurate for our situation...

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@Audrey822 I hope things are going better now that you and your husband are at least on speaking terms again. Whether you overreacted or not (absolutely not saying that you did), his comment had to have come as a shock and I think every one of us here can understand that. My fiance occasionally jokes about me having the hots for my CO or things like that, so I assume that he really does know that I find him attractive, just not the extent. I think maybe that's what happened with your husband. What concerns me more is how your children reacted. Did they take it as a joke? Or did they seem uncomfortable? If they took it as a joke, I would say that your secret is still fairly safe for the most part. Either way, don't give your husband the power over you because of one comment that may or may not have been made to upset you and definitely don't let your therapist manipulate the situation. It seems like you have it handled, though (for now, anyway.) :Coopwink:

@OpalP25 I certainly hope your dream isn't some sort of premonition as well! Lol. Try not to read too much into it at this point. Sometimes dreams are so difficult to understand because even when they do make some sort of prediction or have even the slightest basis in reality, things can get so twisted and distorted in our dream worlds that it's nearly impossible to analyze it. And I think the majority of us have had at least slight paranoia about possible events in our CO's lives, so I'm not sure there's really a solution. We just have to remind ourselves that if it's not happening now, it may not happen at all. If it does, that's a bridge to cross when you come to it.

@perfectcircle77 I'm happy to hear that you had such a good time with your friend (and childhood crush :inlove:!) Having someone to talk to, even when it's not about what bothers you the most, can work wonders. The fact that you even considered bringing up your CO shows what a close relationship you must have. 

@urivgirl86 My suggestion would definitely be to talk to someone within your church to help you sort out the struggle between your religion and relationships. Maybe they can clarify things a little.

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@OpalP25  I thought about saying something to you like, "Focus on the present and appreciate that nothing bad is happening now, don't worry about the future because the future doesn't exist yet and BLAH BLAH BLAH". Then I realized that if someone were to tell me that when I was in a state of paranoia and worrying about the future (which I always am...I'm an anxiety girl!), I would want to throw a pop can at their head. So I will spare you that, even though it's true that there's no point worrying about the future until it comes. If only there were a practical way for that knowledge to influence our emotions. I can only empathize with you here and tell you that it sucks that you're feeling this way.  

As you know, I've already gone through what you're paranoid about and the good news is that I'm still alive. I'm now allowing myself to believe that my CO will get divorced and that 10 years from now, nothing that's happening now will matter much. Is this healthy? Absolutely not. But true "acceptance" of his current situation is, I've decided, pretty much impossible. I'm doing the only thing I can do, which is hope that the future is better than the present. I have to do whatever I need to in order to get through this. Even though I've made progress with my emotions and the simple passage of time has made day-to-day life easier, I'm still in survival mode. The other option is to let go of my CO, which would be impossible for me without some kind of professional help because this whole issue runs far too deep for me (see my signature!). If you're not prepared to let go of your CO, all I can tell you is that no matter what happens, you will survive. Your brain will adjust. It won't be easy at all, but it won't be impossible. 

 

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1 hour ago, OpalP25 said:

I wonder if there ever has been a case where someone has obsessed over a famous person for years, before actually getting together with them. Somehow I doubt it... :( Many celebrities do marry "normal people", but I think most of the time these are people they happen to meet in everyday circumstances and end up falling in love with, rather than fans of theirs.

I've always heard that Katie Holmes was a huge Tom Cruise fan growing up and had pictures of him on her wall and stuff. Obviously the marriage only happened because she eventually became famous though. And we see how that ended. 6 years...not bad by Hollywood standards!

I often wonder if my CO would be freaked out if we were ever to fall in love in real life and he found out that 1) I've written thousands of pages about him in the form of journals 2) I stalked him online for 3+ years and 3) I joined a forum for people dealing with unhealthy celebrity obsessions and talked about him being my soul mate before we even met. The hopeless romantic in me thinks that maybe this just adds to the brilliance of our story :sigh:. Sounds like a the plot of a novel, doesn't it??

Edited by posie_riot

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47 minutes ago, dazedandconfused1 said:

@Audrey822 I hope things are going better now that you and your husband are at least on speaking terms again. Whether you overreacted or not (absolutely not saying that you did), his comment had to have come as a shock and I think every one of us here can understand that. My fiance occasionally jokes about me having the hots for my CO or things like that, so I assume that he really does know that I find him attractive, just not the extent. I think maybe that's what happened with your husband. What concerns me more is how your children reacted. Did they take it as a joke? Or did they seem uncomfortable? If they took it as a joke, I would say that your secret is still fairly safe for the most part. Either way, don't give your husband the power over you because of one comment that may or may not have been made to upset you and definitely don't let your therapist manipulate the situation. It seems like you have it handled, though (for now, anyway.) :Coopwink:

No reaction from either of them whatsoever.  One thing for certain, they know their Dad is a joker.  I'm sure that's how they took it if they even heard it at all.  They wouldn't even know who he was talking about if they did (which is probably worse, I realize....but I'm prepared to answer with the partial truth if asked:   he's a long-ago crush, a member of that band that you and your brother think is so lame; a guy that your Dad is quite jealous of....so it's probably best if we don't keep talking about it. ? That is all.) 

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So I recently flew out to see my former CO in concert (Who happened to be my current CO at the time that I booked the flight but I'm still a big fan). His band put on a great show as always but this trip has been exhausting. Seeing him always involves standing in long lines for hours to compete with all the other fans for a chance to get as close as possible. I've gotten very little sleep over the past few days and although I enjoyed seeing him again, all I want to do is go home to my house, my cat, and my YouTube videos of my current CO. I got extremely homesick on my first night here in the hotel and actually started crying a bit. lol Ridiculous I know, considering that this was supposed to be a fun trip and I've done this several times before so it's not like I've never been away from home. I did get to say a few words to him that made him laugh, and take a picture with him again so that was nice. But my feelings for him right now aren't what I feel for my current CO.

I think another reason why I felt so homesick on this trip is that while I've been away, I haven't been able to engage in my daydreams about my current CO that I enjoy so much. It's weird because when I'm at home, that's pretty much what I do all day. And it's not even because I was having  so much fun on my trip that I didn't want to daydream about him but it was like my mind was too exhausted to even create the daydreams. I just can't do it in this environment not even when I laid down in my hotel room and tried to do it. I've still been listening to his music during my trip, but I couldn't relax enough to have the daydreams like I do when I'm at home, and it's unsettling to not be able to do something that I love doing so much. So I want to go home...now! :)

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Awww, @HopelessRomantic2011 I'm sorry you're not having as much fun as you thought you would have...it has to be making you feel badly to be unable to daydream though.  Suggestion: just imagine your CO is there with you....instead of trying to create a story line, just let what you're doing be the story and he's doing it with you.  Maybe that will carry you over until you can get home and create a better daydream!  ?

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2 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

Awww, @HopelessRomantic2011 I'm sorry you're not having as much fun as you thought you would have...it has to be making you feel badly to be unable to daydream though.  Suggestion: just imagine your CO is there with you....instead of trying to create a story line, just let what you're doing be the story and he's doing it with you.  Maybe that will carry you over until you can get home and create a better daydream!  ?

Thanks @Audrey822, I like that idea! :) I would say that the trip was a success overall but that first night away was just tough for me. I always miss my cat a lot but I'm going home tomorrow!

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@HopelessRomantic2011 Sorry to hear your trip isn't going as well as planned... Our CO's manage to mess with our minds no matter what, don't they? I have a feeling that it's just being around your former CO that's causing your "block." When I have setbacks with former CO's, it tends to put my current CO on hold at the time. I'm sure things will be better when you get home tomorrow. :thumbsup:

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