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I'm starting to feel haunted by this again but then I see his life now in social media and just think to myself : look at what he has now. 

When I look at Taylor Swift and see her life a part of me wishes that I could have went after it but then again I know that she has a younger brother and her parents are ok but it rattles me to think that I would be out there and something happen being as I'm an only child. I'm not coveting my neighbor I'm only stating my worries.

I know that I made the right choice it just sometimes gets to me in a way but I have to remember that I did the right thing for myself and everyone else.

I never would have dreamed at 6 years old still living in the same town but I have a duty to God and my family to put others before my needs or wants and we have to be willing to sacrifice ourselves for others. 

You can't rely on anyone to make you happy or secure because one day they may leave you by choice or circumstance that's why I have to lean not on my own understand.

I can't see myself being with a man or having a relationship because yes I'm supposed to love God with all my heart, mind, body, soul and strength and love my neighbor as myself but that doesn't mean you fall in love. I don't understand how people depend on someone else. I thought the whole point of life was to learn how to survive on your own but apparently people can't handle it and depend on someone else.

Sometimes I type his name in just to make sure there isn't an obituary that follows. I know he's 38 but anything can happen right? I am not saying that as a good thing I am saying that as we don't know what's going to happen.

I hope you all are better than I am right now. I didn't mean to sound so morbid but it's a part of life.

Edited by urivgirl86
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@urivgirl86 You definitely need to stop comparing yourself to Taylor Swift! I know she seems to have the perfect life, but I (and many other people) get the impression that most, if not all of her relationships are 100% fake. Think about it, she's "dated" so many men, and every single one of them has been a celebrity. Not one non-famous guy out of the whole lot. And she seems very eager that all the important moments of these "romances" are played out in full view of the paparazzi. I wonder why, lol!

Now no matter what you think, you do have a chance at finding a loving relationship - a relationship that's far better than posing for the cameras with someone you hardly know! Maybe you're not ready to go looking for it yet, but keep an open mind and a positive attitude all the same. You never know what might happen!

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@OpalP25 Thank you. I think it's sometimes more about the fact that she's three years younger than me and has accomplished so much more but when I look at her from a different perspective of my faith I tend to think: What good is it to make that kind of money in the first place? I'm not saying that in a holier than thou way but in a common sense type of way ...

 

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@urivgirl86  I tend to agree with what @OpalP25 has already said to you.  You can't really compare your situation to Taylor Swift or anyone else.  You really don't know what anyone else is experiencing inside.  You only know what they choose to let you see, and that can be very misleading....especially for (but not limited to) celebrities.  You have a lot of regrets and uncertainty with respect to the choice you made about pursuing your CO....I would hate to see you have more regrets and uncertainty later.  You'll never know if you could have found true love where you are if you don't try, but please don't let too much time pass you by.  Opal is right, there are so many very nice young men just looking for a nice  young woman exactly like you.  You may have to kiss a lot of frogs until you find your prince, but you can only find him IF you start looking!! 

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Today started like any other..honestly have been feeling a little better lately thanks to my meds.. but today the hate is just flowing right through me. It started to be directed at my job but now it has centered on the greatest source of my hate once again..HIM. Probably came from the constant feeling that I have to do a trigger sweep on my facebook like every hour anymore. I REALLY REALLY need today to be trigger free. If I see that loser's face once, I'm gonna put my fist through something. There's nothing that hurts more than not only the inability to destroy those you hate..but having to watch them be successful when they suck at everything..its like insult to injury. You will NEVER be good enough and I will NEVER believe the lie. Fade into nothing like the washed up reject you are and be happy that wishing ill on people doesn't do anything because I wish ill on you every day. I'll never believe that you're with her. NEVER. She is NOT your person and you couldn't even make a convincing suitable mate for her on tv.. There's not a person alive good enough to touch her and if you think you're any different, you're even more pathetic than your career. Charlie sheen shoulda beat you senseless for ruining his show. That woulda been more entertaining than anything you've ever done.

Mila, I can't speak to you today. The thought of you touching someone else...i cant even go there today. The reason I've felt better lately is because my brain gave me a brief break from fixating on YOU. All you ever do is hurt me and ruin my life. I just want ANYTHING celebrity related to stay as far away from me as humanly possible. Especially the magazines. What a waste of paper. "paparazzi" is not a job, its a joke. I wish I got paid to have a joke job that does nothing productive for America.

Well, sorry for those bothered by my hatred but I gotta get it out somewhere. Hope all of you have a good day.

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@urivgirl86 You said (about Taylor Swift): "I think it's sometimes more about the fact that she's three years younger than me and has accomplished so much more..."

She got extremely lucky. Yes, she's a talented songwriter (I enjoy her music), but that's just about it. There's nothing else particularly spectacular about her. She became famous at a very young age (18?), and you can tell that the fame has gone to her head a bit. As much as celebrities want everyone to believe that they worked super hard and earned their success, you have to understand that there are people out there who work just as hard and hardly accomplish anything in comparison. The music industry is cutthroat. Also, I find it hard to envy anyone that famous. Have you heard her song called "The Lucky One"? She describes some of the difficulties associated with fame in that song. Perhaps she can't stay in a relationship because she's a workaholic and can't go anywhere or do anything without cameras following her around. Plus she has to worry about people dating her for the wrong reasons. Celebrities like her live far from perfect lives. 

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On Sunday, October 23, 2016 at 11:55 AM, laurennj said:

Recently I tweeted to my CO just a friendly message saying "hope all is well have a great weekend!" and he liked my tweet out of the other replies so that made me happy :)

That's so exciting! I've managed to get quick replies or likes from a couple of my former CO's, so I know that something so small to others really is huge. It really gives you a bit of a rush, doesn't it? :Coopyahoo:

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@urivgirl86 I'm not sure I have anything useful to say that hasn't already been said, but I'll give it a shot. I can see how you might think that celebrities like Taylor have perfect lives, but I can pretty much guarantee that for every celeb with a "perfect" life, I can think of at least one that has struggled drastically with what the fame brought, whether it be with drugs, alcohol, an eating disorder, etc. Money truly doesn't buy happiness and I don't think that being rich or famous would've had much of an effect on any possible relationship with your CO. I absolutely agree with your later questioning of the usefulness of such a large amount of money. I think sometimes people end up with more than they know what to do with, and it has it's consequences. Either way, comparing yourself to others almost never makes you feel good. Try to focus on the positive aspects of your own life. You may be struggling in some ways with your CO and your faith, but there must be some good as well.

Edited by dazedandconfused1
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4 hours ago, posie_riot said:

@urivgirl86 

Celebrities like her live far from perfect lives. 

This cannot be over-stated. 

1 hour ago, dazedandconfused1 said:

@urivgirl86  I can think of at least one that has struggled drastically with what the fame brought, whether it be with drugs, alcohol, an eating disorder, etc. 

I can think of many who have struggled with all of the above (some from before the time of some people on this board -- drugs:  Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, alcoholism:  Robin Williams, Billy Joel*, Amy Winehouse,  eating disorder: Karen Carpenter -- *Billy Joel is the only one in this group who is not dead)...and the difficulties associated with being a celebrity are probably to blame....the demanding schedules.... the time on the road (for musicians like Taylor and others).... the pressure to continue doing whatever it is that made you famous -- writing songs,  recording hit albums, making movies, etc.... the lack of privacy, because everywhere you would go, someone will recognize you -- every nice dinner with your significant other is interrupted by a fan wanting to get a picture or autograph.... or you'll have paparazzi taking a photograph of you and your significant other for the latest issue of a sleazy tabloid, over which they'll slap a sensational headline about you containing a rumor that isn't true -- and the more famous you are, the more of a problem all of this becomes.  

We all say that if our COs had only found us, we would be different...our relationships with them would have succeeded.  That may be true, but it's also true that celebrity relationships fail at a higher rate than the general population for the reasons stated above -- absenteeism and lack of privacy probably being among the chief reasons the significant others of celebrities get impatient with the lifestyle. 

All of the above responses have merit, @urivgirl86 .... Taylor Swift's life looks fabulous to those of us who aren't living it (she's living the dream I wanted, too) but we just don't know what she's not telling us.  And I'm willing to bet there's a lot she's not telling us.  Everyone has problems; Taylor Swift is not exempt just because she's famous. 

 

Edited by Audrey822
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8 minutes ago, urivgirl86 said:

Thanks everyone. I understand it's just sometimes my mind drifts for a moment but then I'm reminded of my faith, family, health and what I truly am living for and it far outweighs my childhood dreams 

Hang on!  

We're all talking about the fact that Taylor Swift may or may not have a perfect life.  Not that you shouldn't pursue your childhood dreams if that's what you want to do.  Those two thoughts are like comparing apples and oranges.  

Explanation:

If having what Taylor Swift has is your dream, go for it!  Just understand that her life is not necessarily perfect, that's all.  And you don't have to give up your childhood dreams to live your faith and I certainly wouldn't recommend giving them up to please your family (if you're looking for that advice, you've come to the wrong person....I've adopted a "follow your own heart" philosophy, and I wish I'd done it sooner.  Don't make the same mistakes I did long ago.)   

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@urivgirl86 Also don't worry about Taylor Swift being younger than you either. She's an outlier - she became famous as a teenager. That is abnormal and not healthy in my view.

At the end of the day you're still young. 3 years is peanuts in the grand scheme of things and will look totally irrelevant when you look back on your life in 30 years time. If god had wanted us all to get wherever we're supposed to be going at the same age then he wouldn't have made our natural biological lifespan vary by about 20-30 years (talking only about a full healthy life). Maybe you're so focused on what you see as missing your destiny because you haven't discovered your actual destiny yet because you were always supposed to discover it at 32 or 35 or 55.

That's how I'm trying to process the friggen hell hole that is my mess. I'm roughly the same age as you. When I'm in a better mood I just see my life as a false start. If I was meant to get wherever I'm meant to be at my second attempt, a few years later, then that really won't make any difference in the grand scheme of things. Just makes my journey through life look a bit more interesting from hindsight some day. Of course now its looking like I'll never get anywhere but that's for other reasons, not my age. 

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I completely agree with what everyone else has said already. It's so easy to compare ourselves with other people and feel inadequate as a result. I'm very guilty of doing this myself, and it never makes me feel any better about myself or where I'm at. The ironic thing is, most people would probably think that I'm doing quite well in life at the moment - and they're right. But I can never live up to my own ridiculous expectations. That's the problem of having a perfectionist personality; it spurs you on to achieve things, however you're never truly satisfied with what you've got. But I know that no one just suddenly wakes up with the life they've always wanted - it takes a lot of time and patience to get there. That's what I keep having to tell myself!

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Hey all.

Just dropped in to say thanks for the support. It's not easy being me these days, but knowing I have people who support me even a little bit helps.

Counseling got deep for me this week. Realized several things. 1. I'm living in the past. I'm still struggling with issues from as far back as 20+ years ago. I'm still obsessed with crushes, still reliving old memories from my youth, and still dealing with the effects of bullying. 2. I'm looking for closure with a lot of things, from the aforementioned past issues to the more recent Steven issue, which has affected me more than I thought. Counselor told me that I may not ever get closure with those things, and that kills me. Which leads me to...#3. I need to give up control and let things be. I am NOT good with that at all. I feel everything should go the way I want it to go, and things should always work out in my favor. I refuse to accept anything less than what I deserve, and I think I deserve fabulous. Is that so wrong?

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Hi @fabulousrockstar. Thanks for giving us an update. I've been thinking of you, and I'm glad to hear that the support here has helped a little bit. 

"I need to give up control and let things be. I am NOT good with that at all."

You and me both. That's OCD for me. Accepting how little control we have in life is an extremely hard thing to do. It's not wrong to think that you deserve a fabulous life. The crappy thing about life is that deserving a fabulous life doesn't make you any more likely to have one. Sorry to sound so depressing, but I think there's a positive message in there somewhere. All any of us can do to is try to appreciate the present moment. Try not to allow the past to cloud your perception of the future. Life is unpredictable. Your only job is to just be. 

I've often wondered if my fantasy life with my CO is an attempt to get closure for things from my past. It clearly hasn't worked. It has only brought all my problems to the surface. I think it is possible to get some sort of closure for things that happened to you in the past, but it's only going to come from within. It won't come from the external world in the form of romance, material possessions, career success, fame, or anything like that. Too bad, because it would be convenient if it did. 

Edited by posie_riot
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This email came in about a half hour ago...it's from the admin of a group I joined before I came here. I thought I'd share because 

  1. maybe someone here meets the criteria for this interview
  2.  some of you may want to join that group
  3. this is good news! 

Hello.  This is Cordellia, site founder and admin.  I spoke to a woman who is a TV producer in NYC, and she's looking to help spread the word about Maladaptive Daydreaming so that the world will know more and be more accepting, which is greatly needed.  She is seeking one or two people to be interviewed.  They can be anonymous if desired.  It will not be live, and she's happy to talk with them in advance if that helps.  I've pasted her message with contact info below. 

 

"I am a producer with WCBS-TV in New York City, working on a story about maladaptive daydreaming...I am looking to interview someone who is such a daydreamer in the NY-NJ-Conn area...the story would air in our 11 p.m. broadcast.  I feel that many people suffer from this, and that it is not well understood.  I think this story could enlighten our viewers and let those who are such daydreamers know that they are far from alone.  An interview would take about 20 minutes.  If anyone is interested, please e mail me at ptighe@cbs.com, or call me directly at  (212) 975-7953.  I would be more than happy to answer any questions....thank you!

Best regards,

Pam Tighe"  

Visit Wild Minds Network at: http://wildminds.ning.com/?xg_source=msg_mes_network << click here to join.

 

 

 

 

 

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@fabulousrockstar people tell me I live in the past all the time. More obvious observations. ? There are certain things about the past that were just better. If I could erase my mother from some scenes, they'd be perfect. ? Like you and @posie_riot I'm looking for closure too. I'm not going to get it. My CO, alter-ego, and daydreams are attempts to escape rather than find closure though (I think.) They won't help me find that closure, only temporary reprieve from real life...that's what they've always done. 

Giving up control and letting things be...or letting things go. If I had a dime for all the times someone suggested I should do just that about some issue or another... ? It has to be OCD-related. I will not let go!! 

You're definitely not alone in this! And you always have support here. :hugs:I hope things get better for you. Check in soon and let us know!! 

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You all ..... I have been on a complete turn around this week. It's like I woke up and thought: Why have I been liking this man all this time and why did I like him for close to 20 years?! 

I began listening to some different music but it wasn't just about the music - it was like coming home and feeling like you haven't seen or heard these people in a long time and what I mean is: I am no longer going to listen as I have a choice to listen to music by black people for black people.

I am not racist but I have woken up and realized: I am still a white woman who is naturally drawn to white men in everyday life no matter what and musically speaking I can't allow myself to listen to or like any other man because I know it's not for me. I have listened to some very talented famous singer / songwriters who are around my age and you all .... I am so happy to be back in my white world. I have been listening to James Bay, Borns, Ed Sheeran & Hozier and I have been gushing like a teenage girl all over again this week. I haven't loved music like this since Hanson and they're still making music 20 years later!

I can't tell you the last time I have been this happy. I feel so much joy. I know it's not just about the music it's about releasing him and being okay with God about it.

If you will excuse me I'm going to go dream about James Bay ... he's such a babe ???

 

Edited by urivgirl86
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We went to a wedding this weekend. We're in Virginia, we're on the trip I mentioned a few weeks ago. That may or may not be significant because of the ultimatum I gave my husband if things didn't go well. Since his sister passed away in early October my husband has seemed a changed person...until this. 

My husband doesn't dance. He doesn't care for it, but when the right music is playing, I can't stay seated. I'd already had a couple of drinks...I was feeling good, and when the DJ played EWF's September, it didn't bother me to get up and dance alone. When I came back to the table where my husband and I were sitting with our two sons, future daughter in law, and several of our sons' friends from their days in their high school band, one of my sons' friends asked why my husband didn't dance with me. He didn't mean anything negative by the question, and I wasn't being sarcastic or judgmental with my answer when I just truthfully answered, "he never likes to dance." To that, my husband (for whatever reason, and how he learned of this I still haven't figured out) said to me, "maybe (my CO's name) would dance with you." ????? 

I don't think anyone else overheard him. They wouldn't have understood if they had anyway. Whatever. Is that how he he wants to go forward now? OK. It's going to bother him more than it will bother me, because unlike some couples who feel they have to spare their significant other's feelings with regard to this issue, that's not me.  I only didn't want my husband ridiculing my CO if he figured out his name...and apparently, he has. But I'm not the same person I was only 6 weeks ago (you can choose not to lose, find your groove and be a winner!) I'd really advise my husband not to do that, or he might come home and find me gone. People keep underestimating my feelings for this man I refer to here as "my CO." Unlike certain people in my real life (*ahem!*), he's never embarrassed me, disrespected me, or neglected me. And I don't need to be reminded now that my ideal of him is unrealistic and unreasonable. It's all I have, but it's better than being humiliated. ?

Incidentally, I didn't allow that remark to dampen my fun for the rest of the evening. I had a few more drinks and was repeatedly invited to dance with the younger guys. Imagine that...me, dancing with 30-somethings. ?

The bad news of the weekend: the Cubs are one game away from losing the World Series. ?⚾️?

Edited by Audrey822
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@Audrey822 It's scary that your husband managed to figure out who your CO is, especially after you'd made a lot of effort to keep that a secret from him. Not so long ago, I remember saying here that our obsessions probably aren't as obvious to our family and friends as we think they are. But now I'm thinking that maybe I was wrong about that... I'm very sorry to hear this has happened to you. :hugs: I really hope your husband doesn't make any more comments about your CO. 

Glad you had a fun time dancing at the wedding! :Party_fest30: 

But it sucks that your Cubs are losing the World Series, hope they can stage a comeback!!

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Thanks, @OpalP25... I'm OK. You know, I always say I have a bit of a 12-year old streak when it comes to my reaction to my CO (that was really my therapist's theory, but I agree with it.) I sense that here. I'm feeling a little defiant about this today. Now that the cat is out of the bag (in a manner of speaking) he may regret letting me know that he's learned this information, because now I have no reason to be discreet. ? It's on. 

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Speaking of weddings, I had a dream a couple of nights ago which I think will probably turn out to be one of those future-predicting dreams which I seem to get quite often. It was about my sister getting married... And of course, there was lots of questioning from the family about my own love life, and why I'm single. Ugh, not looking forward to having to deal with all that in real life. Maybe I should just tell them that I'm in love with a celebrity who I've never met, just to see their reactions lol!

However in the dream, I showed up to the wedding late, and in my pyjamas. And then there was a fire alarm and we all had to evacuate the building. So I don't think the entire dream was a prediction of the future (hope not)!! :roll2:

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@Audrey822 Don't worry too much about your 12-year-old streak...I just spent about 10 minutes screaming at this site for glitching out on me and preventing me from describing your predicament in the form of a cat GIF. 

I don't think it's terribly immature to annoy your husband with your CO. You're taking a bit of the power away from him and letting him know that this little secret he found out about is no big deal anyway (even though it is...but you know what I mean). If you can take a lighthearted attitude about it and tease him a little, he won't be able to use this against you. 

Good for you for having fun anyway with your 30 year old dance partners :Coopyahoo:   

 

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13 hours ago, posie_riot said:

@Audrey822 Don't worry too much about your 12-year-old streak...I just spent about 10 minutes screaming at this site for glitching out on me and preventing me from describing your predicament in the form of a cat GIF. 

I don't think it's terribly immature to annoy your husband with your CO. You're taking a bit of the power away from him and letting him know that this little secret he found out about is no big deal anyway (even though it is...but you know what I mean). If you can take a lighthearted attitude about it and tease him a little, he won't be able to use this against you. 

Good for you for having fun anyway with your 30 year old dance partners :Coopyahoo:   

 

I definitely agree with this, @Audrey822 about taking the power away from him. I'm glad you didn't let the remark spoil your evening and you still enjoyed yourself and had fun dancing with other people.

I know nothing about baseball but I hope the Cubs turn it around.

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