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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support

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I've had a hard few days, tbh. Not related to my CO, that is all continuing quite nicely right now. But just my mental health generally - struggling to concentrate on things for any length of time and having to deal with a number of decisions in my everyday life that I could really do with talking about but unfortunately one of those decisions just causes one of my closest friends to get all defensive and judgey, is if my decision is criticising her own when all I'm trying to do is do what's best for my children. I feel alone right now.

But I am off to see my best friend on Saturday for 5 nights and I am very much looking forward to that. I'm hoping that the chance to talk to her and just be with her and have a bit of relaxation time will help my head massively. I'm also meeting up with two old school friends, one of whom is a former crush/obsession. I don't feel anything like that towards him anymore but I still feel a bit nervous about seeing him again weirdly. 

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Hello! I have recently developed a bad obsession with an actor. (Robert Knepper) I've seen a ton of youtube videos about him and tried to find out everything I could about him. It's pretty bad because he's 57 and I'm 20. I've even tried searching his family and ex wife on facebook. I found his ex wifes facebook and found out where there son plays hockey. Unfortunately I don't live near there. He's in California and I'm in New Jersey. Even though I wouldn't go!

It upsets me because he never comes to the east coast. Even when filming it's always on the west coast. Also I always get jealous when I see him kissing other actresses in shows. :P I just wish I can meet him. I keep replaying videos of him and searching his social media. I don't want to stop but its k illing  me knowing I have no connection to meet him. The only way would be a convention next year in San Diego, California, which I would have to fly to. It's only a panel to get autographs but I would rather meet him somewhere else in person. :( I'm thinking about sending him a letter for an autograph so we'll see. A little about me I don't have any friends and never had an actual boyfriend or talk to anyone. I spend my free time watching tv shows and obsessing over them, especially him. It's just getting bad knowing I'll probably never meet him. 

Edited by laurennj

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I posted the following on FB last night.

"I'm quite depressed tonight. Had counseling today and we talked about making changes. For starters, I need to stop emotional eating, and snacking in the early hours of the morning. Plus I need to start eating fruits and vegetables...all along with other personal changes.

I've gotten to a pretty dark place in my life. Every day, I keep wondering why I'm still alive. If I had the cojones, I would off myself, but I also know it's not worth it. So I'm stuck being miserable until I die, which I ironically hope is later rather than sooner. I just can't find a halfway decent reason to live. Oh, you could say "My family and friends, etc" all you want, but big, fat, hairy deal. They all have their own issues and I just don't want to be a burden on them. I'm just flippin' tired. I just downright hate myself so much. I'm doing everything I can to self sabotage my life. I'm not eating healthy, I'm not taking all of my medical meds (I do take my psych meds, no doubt about that), I don't use my CPAP (I have sleep apnea), I don't take care of myself or my place at all. I highly doubt I could care less. My life feels like a punishment I can't escape. I want to be done."

Had some sleep and I'm still down a bit this morning. I'm just lost. I don't know what else to say.

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@perfectcircle77 Aw, I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now. :console:I hope you get the support you need from your best friend and your old school friends. Wishing you a very good time with them...hope you come back home feeling much better. ?

Welcome to the thread, @laurennj ...your CO played a major character on one of my favorite shows from a few years ago. Have you ever seen "Prison Break"? I understand they're supposed to have started it up again. I have to try to get information about that ...until just now, I totally forgot about it. I completely understand the jealousy you feel when you see certain images. It's part of what we all go through here, I'm sorry to say...we're here to support you through it.  

@fabulousrockstar your post is very heartbreaking. And yet, I've felt the same things you've said, almost word for word, just about this time last year. The thought that I was just taking up space in the world, unnecessarily sucking up resources that would better serve anyone else!  I heard those same things...and it really isn't consolation to live for other people (friends, family, etc.) You have to find joy in living your life -- for you. You have to be the reason you get up in the morning, not your friends. But this I know: it is there inside of you. Because if I could keep going, anyone should be able to. You just have to keep going, keep looking, until it shows up -- this elusive joy. It may not come with fireworks (I can almost guarantee you it won't)...it will probably show up quietly, like a rain shower, or a flower blooming. 

You gotta love you...and love all the beautiful things around you, trees and birds...and if there ain't no beauty, you gotta make some beauty. ~ Maurice White (All About Love)

Don't overlook the importance of those last 5 words. Sometimes it's up to you to make it happen. It's not easy...but you have to do it, and it is worth it.  I was going through something last year -- a lot of things, really. It was like the universe decided to just dump everything on me, but there was something I would never be able to get away from...never. And it's still with me. Something I've never talked about here but it dragged me into deep, deep, deep depression last year. The ironic thing about it? It came as a result of getting healthier!! I should have felt better about myself, but I didn't...I felt worse, and it would never get better.  I wore my therapist (your equivalent of counselor) out over this issue...I can't even tell you how much I cried. And yes, I just wanted to die. At the beginning of this year something happened and out of the blue the song with those lyrics I posted above was played on SiriusXM as part of the tribute to the man who wrote them. I hadn't heard the song in awhile...those last 10 words (in my case) if there ain't no beauty, you gotta make some beauty...there's a reason I always say that songwriter is the best therapist I've ever had. At a moment of grief in one area of my life, it turned me around where the depression was concerned. That was my "rain shower" moment. I knew there was more beauty in life than the stupid thing I was worried about. And when I can't find it, it's up to me to make my life beautiful. 

Same goes for you @fabulousrockstar. It's not easy at all...but you can't wait for it to come to you. Get up and make some beauty. Your life is at stake, and it is worth it. ?

Edited by Audrey822

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3 hours ago, laurennj said:

Hello! I have recently developed a bad obsession with an actor. (Robert Knepper) I've seen a ton of youtube videos about him and tried to find out everything I could about him. It's pretty bad because he's 57 and I'm 20. I've even tried searching his family and ex wife on facebook. I found his ex wifes facebook and found out where there son plays hockey. Unfortunately I don't live near there. He's in California and I'm in New Jersey. Even though I wouldn't go!

It upsets me because he never comes to the east coast. Even when filming it's always on the west coast. Also I always get jealous when I see him kissing other actresses in shows. :P I just wish I can meet him. I keep replaying videos of him and searching his social media. I don't want to stop but its k illing  me knowing I have no connection to meet him. The only way would be a convention next year in San Diego, California, which I would have to fly to. It's only a panel to get autographs but I would rather meet him somewhere else in person. :( I'm thinking about sending him a letter for an autograph so we'll see. A little about me I don't have any friends and never had an actual boyfriend or talk to anyone. I spend my free time watching tv shows and obsessing over them, especially him. It's just getting bad knowing I'll probably never meet him. 

Hey there, I love Robert Knepper! Not the way that you do, but I love him as T-Bag on Prison Break and I'm excited that they are filming new episodes for the show. I have a crush on Wentworth Miller (I'm sure that surprises no one here. lol) I know it's tough to have a CO that's hard to meet. Although in some cases you might not even want to meet them since it might upset you if it isn't a good experience. I feel like I want to meet my current CO but I have no chance to right now, and maybe it's just better to keep him as a fantasy.

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44 minutes ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Hey there, I love Robert Knepper! Not the way that you do, but I love him as T-Bag on Prison Break and I'm excited that they are filming new episodes for the show. I have a crush on Wentworth Miller (I'm sure that surprises no one here. lol) I know it's tough to have a CO that's hard to meet. Although in some cases you might not even want to meet them since it might upset you if it isn't a good experience. I feel like I want to meet my current CO but I have no chance to right now, and maybe it's just better to keep him as a fantasy.

@HopelessRomantic2011 Yes! I just finished watching Prison Break. It's great! And from what I've seen he's really nice to fans and takes pictures with them and interacts with them on social media. Unlike some celebrities. But still you're right about meeting in person. I have no idea what I would say if I met him. I do have social anxiety and never met any celebrity in person before. Actually today was pretty bad. I can't stop thinking about him and checking his social media. My heart keeps racing. I know this sounds crazy and weird but is it normal to think that you too should belong together? Even though I know it would never happen of course.

@Audrey822 Thanks for the welcome! And about the images. I mean it is all just acting right ;)

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4 hours ago, fabulousrockstar said:

I posted the following on FB last night.

"I'm quite depressed tonight. Had counseling today and we talked about making changes. For starters, I need to stop emotional eating, and snacking in the early hours of the morning. Plus I need to start eating fruits and vegetables...all along with other personal changes.

I've gotten to a pretty dark place in my life. Every day, I keep wondering why I'm still alive. If I had the cojones, I would off myself, but I also know it's not worth it. So I'm stuck being miserable until I die, which I ironically hope is later rather than sooner. I just can't find a halfway decent reason to live. Oh, you could say "My family and friends, etc" all you want, but big, fat, hairy deal. They all have their own issues and I just don't want to be a burden on them. I'm just flippin' tired. I just downright hate myself so much. I'm doing everything I can to self sabotage my life. I'm not eating healthy, I'm not taking all of my medical meds (I do take my psych meds, no doubt about that), I don't use my CPAP (I have sleep apnea), I don't take care of myself or my place at all. I highly doubt I could care less. My life feels like a punishment I can't escape. I want to be done."

Had some sleep and I'm still down a bit this morning. I'm just lost. I don't know what else to say.

Oh man I know how it feels to just give up on life and stop looking after yourself. Haven't fully recovered from when I was in that situation so don't really know what to say but I have to some extent. Just try to remember that every little thing - cooking a meal, sending a facebook message to someone you care about, taking your meds, counts as a victory. One of my biggest struggles as I've mentioned before is the "how the hell can I possibly feel anything positive about anything that I've done when other people are doing the same stuff alongside jobs, hobbies without even thinking about it?" - I've realised now that this thought process is erroneous as when you're in a bad place every smallest thing takes masses of energy, is a step to getting out and is therefore an achievement worth celebrating. This probably doesn't even make any sense as I can only talk from my own experience and I don't know whether yours is similar but I just read your message and wished I could find something to say. Hope you're feeling better! 
 

24 minutes ago, laurennj said:

 I know this sounds crazy and weird but is it normal to think that you too should belong together?

Everyone here seems to have felt like that at some point from the time I've spent on this forum so its at least normal here. Also being unable to stop thinking or checking social media of our CO's is pretty normal. My mind was so full of her I couldn't do the basic things I needed to put my life back together again - jobhunt, retrain, just feed myself and get some sleep! I'm a bit better now though, still not productive though. Does it effect your ability to do stuff? Do you want to stop thinking of him? Or do you enjoy that he fills your mind and you're just worried that it seems weird? Anyway, Welcome!

I have managed to avoid reddit at least for a couple of days and haven't checked her social media today. Doesn't sound like much but its a start for me.

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2 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

@HopelessRomantic2011 I didn't have a crush on Wentworth Miller, but I certainly agree, he was very nice to look at (yes, very nice!! ?) 

I think he's so gorgeous and he seems really intelligent too! I discovered Prison Break on Netflix years after it had already gone off the air. It really was a great show so I'm looking forward to seeing more. And the show just wouldn't be right without T-bag! He had so many funny lines.

(Oh, and Wentworth is one of the people that my phone automatically created an album for since I had so many pics of him. lol)

 

Edited by HopelessRomantic2011

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This is something I've dealt with in the past as well and I am really proud of you for speaking up.  I never have.  I always felt ashamed of it, like it was stupid for affecting me so seriously.  But it does.

To be honest, the best solution I've found is to cut him out of your life.  Unfollow *every* tumblr and twitter account related to him.  Take down the posters, don't listen to his music, delete the photos.  It hurts and it's difficult but I swear, I swear to you--it well help.  You will feel lost.  It will still make you sick to your stomach.  You will still occasionally see him on gossip rags at Walmart.  But the more you get away, the better off you'll be.

You can even find an app or extension (depending on what browser you use) that changes words, so you can change his name.

Spend some time away from the social internet, if you can.  Read books or listen to other music or make friendship bracelets while you watch netflix.  Find something to fix your mind on.

I hope this helps <3

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3 hours ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

I think he's so gorgeous and he seems really intelligent too! I discovered Prison Break on Netflix years after it had already gone off the air. It really was a great show so I'm looking forward to seeing more. And the show just wouldn't be right without T-bag! He had so many funny lines.

(Oh, and Wentworth is one of the people that my phone automatically created an album for since I had so many pics of him. lol)

 

Those eyes!! *swoon*  ?

No one takes the place of my CO ❤️ ....always just looking. ?

Your comment about the phone album made me giggle....my phone made an album of my CO,?? and I'm not kidding.  Apple got fired.   ?  I am now a Box.com customer. 

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3 hours ago, sunblocker64 said:

This is something I've dealt with in the past as well and I am really proud of you for speaking up.  I never have.  I always felt ashamed of it, like it was stupid for affecting me so seriously.  But it does.

To be honest, the best solution I've found is to cut him out of your life.  Unfollow *every* tumblr and twitter account related to him.  Take down the posters, don't listen to his music, delete the photos.  It hurts and it's difficult but I swear, I swear to you--it well help.  You will feel lost.  It will still make you sick to your stomach.  You will still occasionally see him on gossip rags at Walmart.  But the more you get away, the better off you'll be.

You can even find an app or extension (depending on what browser you use) that changes words, so you can change his name.

Spend some time away from the social internet, if you can.  Read books or listen to other music or make friendship bracelets while you watch netflix.  Find something to fix your mind on.

I hope this helps <3

Good advice for those who want to rid themselves of a CO.  

But I don't.  That's not me. I can't get enough of mine. ❤️

Thanks for sharing! ?

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@perfectcircle77 Sorry you're going through a rough time :(  I hope spending time with friends works to refresh your mind and give you a bit of rest :hearthrob:

@laurennj Welcome! :smile: I'm not familiar with your CO, but I'll have to check him out. I'm just a bit older than you, and I have social anxiety too. Never had a boyfriend, virtually no social life etc. etc. I had an opportunity to meet my CO and missed it, but to be honest, I think it was a blessing in disguise. I would hate to be disappointed by him in any way. Not saying you shouldn't meet your CO - I'm just letting you know that not meeting him might not be such a bad thing. 

@fabulousrockstar *Hugs*  All I can really say is that I can relate to the feeling of being in a very dark place. There's no "right" thing to say. I feel for you, and I hope you find some peace. It is impossible to say why any of us are alive and it is definitely not worth it to off yourself. We're all going to die eventually anyway. You might as well give yourself a chance. You are worth it, trust me. :hearts:

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Please come find me Mila. You are my drug and I'm craving my fix. A REAL fix with no TV screen between us. Come on baby. It will be perfect. There is very little I wouldn't do for my day with you. Please let me kiss the lips and touch the skin that has made me cry so many times. I love you.

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On 10/19/2016 at 6:36 PM, MysteryName said:

I have managed to avoid reddit at least for a couple of days and haven't checked her social media today. Doesn't sound like much but its a start for me.

Well... so much for that huh. I can't even understand how I manage to be so completely incapable of just doing the simplest thing in the world of switching the internet off or at least just not looking at every single sodding video of my friggen hypnotic CO!!!! :ranting: Been battling massive massive procrastination and internet addiction for years, even before I had a CO, tried every single strategy going. Now at my lowest point its worse than ever. I seem to have less willpower than anyone on earth.

Oh well... lets try and accomplish one simple task... choose and order a new laptop as this ones hopeless... without going to a single unrelated site! I promise you I will! You can be my witnesses/accountabily-buddy or however you spell it lol.

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@MysteryName Remember I told you that we all fail in these things?  It's true. You can have a nice long streak of success going (you posted that you avoided reddit for a couple of days on the 19th -- and congratulations for that!) and then you slipped.  It happens.  It happens to everybody who has ever had to give up something....I promise you!!  It doesn't mean you're a failure....it means you're human!!  (Hey, you're one of us!!)  

What do you do now?  Well, you could wallow in your despondency over having experienced this speed bump....and that will probably assure that you will not succeed going forward.  OR you can pick yourself up and realize what happened for what it is:  a slip, not a fall through the cracks.  Brush the dust off and keep going forward....don't look back.  You've got this.  

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@MysteryName If it makes you feel any better, the only reason why I've been able to avoid my CO online is that I'm terrified of coming across something that will upset me. Right now, the chances of me stumbling across unwanted info about his personal life are extremely high, so it's gotten to the point now where it's no longer worth it to me to indulge in my CO. This is an imperfect plan, as now avoiding him has become its own obsession. I'm now petrified of coming across anything to do with him by accident, and that's not healthy either. I have a very "all of nothing", obsessive personality (imagine that! lol). At this point, just unexpectedly seeing his photo on a tabloid website would be enough to cause me intense anxiety. I've made it so that I can't look at anything to do with him anymore and this isn't good. 

There is absolutely no way I would be able to avoid my CO if he weren't causing me a lot of pain. If your CO is still a source of happiness to you (which I know she is), then you're not behaving any differently than any of us would be in your position. 

Edited by posie_riot

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@MysteryName I want to add that I agree with @posie_riot....if your CO is making you happy, indulge yourself!! I always did, when everything was all sunshine and lollipops, before I had to worry about dodging land mines. (I miss those days ?) Let that lovely girl put a smile on your face...there's so much ugliness in the world, and so few opportunities to enjoy a CO in a carefree environment....take advantage of it while you can!! Let her keep you motivated to move forward with your goals. ?

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2 hours ago, MysteryName said:

@posie_riot @Audrey822 Thanks! I'm more accepting than I was that I'll probably always be looking stuff up about her a lot, unless it goes away organically. It's just the complete lack of productivity that kills me.

I know....but that's probably not (100%)  your CO's fault.  I know lots of time can be wasted daydreaming, starting at pictures, etc....yes, I do that too.  ❤️  But I only do it when I can allow myself the free time for it.  I've said this to you before, and you can do it....just start small....set a goal of accomplishing a small task and congratulate yourself when you've accomplished it.  Don't beat yourself up because you didn't do more; that's counterproductive.  And maybe reward yourself for the accomplishment by allowing yourself to check out your CO's pics on Instagram (or wherever you usually go) without the guilt you usually feel...in that case, remind yourself that you deserve to be looking stuff up about her because you've earned that time as a reward. 

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6 hours ago, MysteryName said:

I'm more accepting than I was that I'll probably always be looking stuff up about her a lot, unless it goes away organically. It's just the complete lack of productivity that kills me.

@MysteryName, if I may I think I'd like to add a little to what @Audrey822 told you.

Something that I think would help is to remember to remind yourself to be patient with yourself. In my experience sometimes that helps a lot. Also I find that with many things in life that are "addictive" or "compulsive", it kind of only makes it harder if you try to cut yourself off of something cold-turkey. It might depend on the situation or the person, but I think more often than not, to try to resist something completely only spider-webs it. And I think that like with anything in life that we can experience true joy from, we shouldn't have to cut ourselves off completely if we don't wish to. I think it's important to remember moderation as well. That we all can do other stuff if we really put our minds to it. I know that sounds cliché, but what I mean is like what Audrey822 said, I think you can have a CO and still be productive, even if it takes a slow start.

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I hope things are going better for @fabulousrockstar by now. I haven't personally struggled with depression in almost 9 years, but when I did, it was hell. I do sympathize, but please remember that there are good days and bad days. If you give up after a stretch of bad days, how will you know what the good days could've brought? Always keep fighting! @MysteryName, I think parts of that apply to you as well. You just have to find your motivation. Whether you want to give up your CO or not is up to you, but I think you'll find that there's an underlying problem that's causing your lack of motivation and probably making things with your CO even more challenging. Finding out what that problem is may be a start. And last but not least, I'm happy to see that your CO is catering to your wants/needs,  @HopelessRomantic2011! Lol. As for me, I'm struggling a bit with a former CO, but I'm managing. I spent last year and much of the year before obsessing over Tim Curry, and his most popular movie, The Rocky Horror Picture Show was just remade... With a cameo from him. Unfortunately, his appearance was the only highlight. It was terrible. Now my fiancé and I are going to a midnight showing of the real thing (for the 5th time) and considering the fact that it's a very sexual movie, I shouldn't be surprised that it brings backs the old thoughts/feelings moreso than his other movies, TV shows, etc. Looking back at recent posts, it's good to see that I'm not the only one that sometimes struggles with former CO's. I'm sure my current one will be back to distracting me in no time.

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