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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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So I mentioned before about the possibility of seeing my CO on tour early next year and guess what? Three months today, I shall be seeing him on stage, from the front row, with my husband next to me. We're not doing meet and greet (price was a factor but also my husband didn't want to and I really didn't want to push it and raise ideas in his head) but we are front row. I am excited about this but also terrified. I wish I hadn't got front row, I wish we were sitting further back. He can see me on the front row, he is going to see me and not recognise me as the love of his life and I am going to walk out of the arena having been so close to him and not talking to him. I've been pondering presents for all 4 of them - lots of fans do it - but we're not meeting them so I'm not sure how I'd get them to them but also I can just see my husband's reaction at my ridiculousness, so I won't.

I expect to be a whirl of conflicting emotions as it draws closer, I am hoping our impending house move might distract me enough.

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@musiclover83 Welcome back to the board! :)

Like your CO, my CO is quite a private person so I don't think the mystery of his love life will be solved for a while either. He doesn't seem to have ever had a serious relationship, but he has been linked to one man and a few women in the past (all of whom are famous people in his country). I have also read some very contradictory posts on internet forums by people who claim to know him, or know someone who knows him... Some say he's definitely gay, others swear he is (or at least used to be) a total womaniser. So basically I have no idea what to actually believe!

Maybe this is a bit strange, but I think I'd deal with my CO turning out to be gay a lot better than I'd deal with him ending up with a woman who's not me... Obviously it would still be disappointing for me, but at least I'd know for certain that I never had a chance in the first place. However if he had a girlfriend, I'd feel like I "missed my chance" and that would be so frustrating. And of course I'd be very jealous!

@perfectcircle77 Wow, having front row seats to see your CO sounds absolutely amazing! I can see why you're nervous about the thought of him seeing you and not recognising you as his true love though... But maybe he will be too busy performing to notice individual members of the audience. I just really hope everything goes well for you and you have a great time there!

@Audrey822 Yay, you did it! Bye bye poster! :Party_fest30:

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@dazedandconfused1 @OpalP25 and @perfectcircle77 ? 

I was just thinking this morning, I didn't even give a thought to being seen by neighbors, and if anyone had seen me, it must have been quite funny.  

I had seen the mailman pass outside my bedroom window. It was time to check if he left a present. 

Like a stalker lying in wait, I first peeked out of my front room window to see if the familiar-looking package from this vendor, from whom I've made many purchases, was in my mailbox...finally, it was! ? That thing was not coming in my house as I said many times, so I brought my supplies (scissors ✂️and matches?) to the backyard where I would do the deed. ? Went back through the house, out the front door to the mailbox, then around the house to the backyard. 

Now, you have to understand...eBay vendors package things very carefully (assuming you actually want what you've bought from them LOL.) There's always a lot of packing material to go through and LOTS of strong tape around the outside of the package, and this was no exception. The sight of me fighting just to get through the package was probably humorous by itself. Once that was successful, package popcorn was flying all over my backyard (I didn't care...just let me at HER, for the love of all that's sacred!!) I finally got to my destination....Ugh! I did not want to look at HER, and I did my best not to...but before I could rip, I had to cut off my baby's song lyrics. ❤️ So, I'm trying to do that without looking at HER (by now, I'm sure my neighbors would have called the mental health hotline if anyone was looking, but the best visual was yet to come! ?)

I finally got the song lyrics off (and it wasn't as easy as it sound, squinting through one eye ?) I carefully set them aside so they wouldn't blow away ?....and once that was done it was time to go at it. You would have thought I was a crazed animal the way I ripped HER up (the poster, I mean...LOL) I probably turned that thing into 10,000 pieces in 10 seconds or less, while giving her a piece of my mind under my breath. (If I survived that step without getting picked up by the authorities, I can assume no one was watching ?)

I (thought) the fire bowl was all ready...I'd set up a few charcoal briquettes (I wasn't wasting good fire wood on her!) and splashed some lighter fluid on them before I started opening the package...but when I first tried to light it, nothing happened. ? I was going to get the fire going and drop HER into it, but it didn't work. Now what? I couldn't put down the 10,000 pieces of paper in my left hand...it was too breezy for that. I certainly didn't want even ONE piece of THAT getting away in my yard. I picked up the can, squirted LOTS of lighter fluid on the charcoal again, and -- you'll notice in the picture there's a partially burned piece of wood -- I put HER between the charcoal and that piece of wood (because I'd need two hands to light the match), and demanded: "BURN, B!TCH!" (Yes, I actually said that out loud.) 

And she did. ?☠️?

I'm (still) in a happy mood this morning ?...and recounting that story above for y'all adds to my happy mood! When I'm happy, I use lots of emoticons. ? I know it looks like a 12-year old wrote this ?...well, that's where my emotional development stalled where he's concerned, according to Ms. Therapist. ??

@posie_riot I want to thank bow-head corgi ?...that pup knows how to throw a good party! ?

Edit: auto-correct is drunk ????

Edited by Audrey822
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@musiclover83 yes, keep that fantasy life separate from reality. It's the only way to go. As you said, we're not the same in our fantasies -- that's mostly true for everyone here. So why must we keep our CO's true to reality down to the last detail? I refuse, and I realized that within 36 hours of being hit with reality.  I come from a different era that everyone else here...I'm not used to knowing, through social media, every move my CO makes. I knew very little about him when I rekindled this obsession in 2013, the first time it became a "thing" when I had access to the Internet.  You and @OpalP25 are speaking about your CO's sexual orientation being a mystery...everything about mine was a mystery, and -- for the first time in my life, that question crossed my mind: what if he's gay?  But the idea that there could be another woman in his life besides my alter-ego? No, that never occurred to me (Go figure.) When I was doing all that searching in early September 2013, it was for any clues about his sexual orientation to be honest (I guess I found the answer ?). While I'm definitely not at all homophobic, I think I would have felt the same way about that as I did about HER. I just can't see him with anyone else but my alter-ego. I don't want to share him with anyone, man or woman. If I'd learned he was gay,  I would have had to rip up a poster of some man yesterday. ?

Edited by Audrey822
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3 hours ago, perfectcircle77 said:

So I mentioned before about the possibility of seeing my CO on tour early next year and guess what? Three months today, I shall be seeing him on stage, from the front row, with my husband next to me. We're not doing meet and greet (price was a factor but also my husband didn't want to and I really didn't want to push it and raise ideas in his head) but we are front row. I am excited about this but also terrified. I wish I hadn't got front row, I wish we were sitting further back. He can see me on the front row, he is going to see me and not recognise me as the love of his life and I am going to walk out of the arena having been so close to him and not talking to him. I've been pondering presents for all 4 of them - lots of fans do it - but we're not meeting them so I'm not sure how I'd get them to them but also I can just see my husband's reaction at my ridiculousness, so I won't.

I expect to be a whirl of conflicting emotions as it draws closer, I am hoping our impending house move might distract me enough.

That bolded part: one of the biggest fears of my life. As it draws closer, we'll be here for you. I think I mentioned before, my CO came within 1-1/2 hour drive from where I live 16 months ago...for every reason you mentioned in that sentence, I didn't go. But as that date got closer, especially that week of -- OMG, the anxiety attacks were awful. And I know I was miserable to be around. ? There was only one person who knew what was going on, a young woman I used to correspond with via email who used to post here when I first joined the board -- no one else knew about this upcoming concert, which was on a Saturday, until after the date had passed. I had a therapy appointment on the Wednesday of that same week right before, and I thought about telling her, but I didn't. I don't remember what the topic was that day...what I do remember is, I had a meltdown in her office and had to apologize for it (and I told her why) in the following session. 

That's just how crazy I am. You'll probably handle things much better. As I said, I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to....I get it. I wish you the best of luck! ?

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I found out this morning, from someone I follow on Twitter, that my CO is doing warm-up shows in preparation for a tour. As you can imagine, I wake up every day fearing a different sort of news entirely, so this probably shouldn't have bothered me the way it did. But every time I see a tweet about my CO, it reduces me to a pile of goo. This morning my heart was pounding, I was overheating, my limbs felt like jello...the works. I don't really know why I took it so hard. It's unlikely that it'll be a world tour and that he'll end up in my neck of the woods, but it's a very real possibility. I think part of me is just unhappy to think of other people getting to enjoy him, and seeing his life go on as normal, while I'm still a mess over him.

There are some complex reasons why I feel this way, and they're not all jealousy-related. As I've said before, my CO has been a disappointment to me in general for the past year. Ugh, I don't even know what I'm saying. Well, I do know what I'm saying but it's too much to get into. I'm just sitting here wondering how ridiculous I am and if anyone - anyone at all in his fan base - feels even a little bit like I do. 

Going to respond to others' posts a little later on, but had to get this off my chest. 

Edited by posie_riot
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I'm also seriously considering unfollowing the few people I'm still following who might tweet things about my CO in the future. I unfollowed a ton of people earlier this year but left myself a few "safe" people. I'm sure the big news that I've been waiting for has already happened. I don't need to live in fear of my social media accounts all over again like I did when I was still following him. No one is safe. This is such an absurd way to live. It's probably time for me to reclaim some control. 

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8 minutes ago, posie_riot said:

I'm also seriously considering unfollowing the few people I'm still following who might tweet things about my CO in the future. I unfollowed a ton of people earlier this year but left myself a few "safe" people. I'm sure the big news that I've been waiting for has already happened. I don't need to live in fear of my social media accounts all over again like I did when I was still following him. No one is safe. This is such an absurd way to live. It's probably time for me to reclaim some control. 

I had to do this, too @posie_riot... it really is a matter of taking control and protecting yourself.  No little piece of "safe" information is worth whatever bombshell someone might throw into the mix.  I still belong to the fan group.  I hold my breath every time I see a notification that anyone has posted anything, even though the possibility exists the post could be about any of the other band members.  Usually, it turns out to be music-related, but I'm just anxiety-prone that way....and with good reason. 

Edited by Audrey822
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10 minutes ago, posie_riot said:

I'm also seriously considering unfollowing the few people I'm still following who might tweet things about my CO in the future. I unfollowed a ton of people earlier this year but left myself a few "safe" people. I'm sure the big news that I've been waiting for has already happened. I don't need to live in fear of my social media accounts all over again like I did when I was still following him. No one is safe. This is such an absurd way to live. It's probably time for me to reclaim some control. 

I have to say since unfollowing other fans, I do feel a lot better for it. The small handful of fans I do still follow on social media it is either for the pics alone or they post about other things too - aren't constantly trying to get his attention - and I definitely feel more control over what I see now.

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@perfectcircle77 @Audrey822 Looks like it's what I'll have to do. I unfollowed all his fans, him, and his mother (actually I technically just removed the last two from the "list" I created on Twitter...can't bring myself to actually unfollow). I never look at my Twitter home page - just my list. Anyway, I left a few of my CO's real-life friends on the list. I won't be missing much by taking them off of it. 

The best decision I've ever made in my life was to unfollow his fan group accounts. I was taking years off of my life by keeping up with those accounts and I wish so much that I'd never gotten involved in the first place with all that. I'm sure they're all skipping around in a circle, with linked arms, singing "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang or something right now. 

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@posie_riot and @perfectcircle77

Social media is poison when it comes to a CO.  I will never be otherwise convinced. For every good thing I ever saw or learned in that fan group, the two things that happened in April -- especially the link to the gallery that led me to find the photo of him with the now-virtually-burned woman (?) were devastating. See? My  fire bowl party yesterday had a lot to avenge, and I enjoyed every minute of it. ?

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Hello, I'm calling myself 'Lovely Windy Day' in my username, because the hurricane, Matthew, is in our path, the southeastern USA where I live. I hope that the coast will be safe. Not worried about here, because we are inland and when hurricanes have struck in the past- we only get very high winds, but hurricane is less strong.

What is bothering me more- is that the hurricane is named Matthew.

And 'Matthew' is the first name of my celebrity crush, an actor. I'll just reveal his name. I'm cool with that. I don't want to marry Matthew, or am jealous of any girlfriend he has. I picture Matthew as an imaginary friend to talk to, which is extremely childish considering I am an 19 year old girl. Am I crazy, to have an imaginary friend (a movie and TV actor) who I pretend to talk to? I have a normal life with normal friends, college class, don't get me wrong. It's just strange I know, because this is something we ought to outgrow once we're 12 or 13. 

Well, it is good to get this off my chest. I have a crush on this actor Matthew, his name is on the news because of this freaking HURRICANE that is blowing and making it really windy here! I'm going to focus on the positive things, like many of you with 'CO's' have done. There's this old pop song that I just thought of, about it being windy, that makes me feel very happy. I've been listening to this song and watching the wind outside, singing it to myself, and picturing Matthew singing it with me. I hope you guys don't think I'm crazy. 

Here's the old song I have in my head right now, because it is so windy out and I'm worried about the people affected by the hurricane. It's called 'Windy.' Sing along with me!! 

:music:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPYT9Vyu62A

 

 

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1 hour ago, posie_riot said:

I'm sure they're all skipping around in a circle, with linked arms, singing "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang or something right now. 

This broke my heart...but it made me mindful of something.  I've made it very clear how much I can be a victim of the very same thing, but not so much how I could be guilty of it...but it's true.  

I'm a different kind of fan of EWF, I've said that many times.  I belong to that fan group, too.  Each one of those guys in EWF probably is or has been someone's CO...it would be ridiculous to assume otherwise, they're all nice-looking guys, and many of the other ladies have made comments saying as much.  Me, I love them differently.  It would never occur to me that I could be breaking someone's heart to comment on one of those "Kool & The Gang Celebration" moments in life that you mentioned where they're concerned.  It's never happened, but it wouldn't have occurred to me until you said that.   You've called my attention to this, and I can't ignore it now...I will be mindful of this if the situation ever calls for it.  I can't control what other people do, but I can control what I do.  I'm not saying I won't express happiness for whatever....but I'm not going to dance on the table over it. 

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Wow, I had a few celebrity crushes as a younger guy.
When I was a kid I was in love with Tatum O'Neil from Bad News Bears. She was older and very dangerous. Used to gawk at a photo of her inside the "making of" book.
The Internet wasn't even a thought in those days. I can imagine celebrity crushes to be so much more complex these days when you can actually communicate with these people etc.

Later I was in love with Jessica Lange during her King Kong era. She was quite a looker. She's actually still a great looking lady for her age.
I wanted Jeff Bridges to fall into Kong's mouth... Barsteward!

f356dee78b201390e1359f61341ddc24.jpg
 

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12 hours ago, musiclover83 said:

Hi everyone! A part of me feels guilty for posting because I always seem to post a couple of times and then disappear. But then, there's times when I'm okay with how I feel about my CO or just don't feel like talking about it. Obviously things have changed. I was doing pretty well and then a couple of things happened. First, my CO is a very private person which I've come to see as a blessing and a curse. Last time I posted, I was freaking out over my decision to send him a follow request on twitter. At that point I'd been following him on Instagram and still am. I decided that I wasn't going to check his twitter because if I'd somehow seen that he's rejected that request, it would've hurt. I hate that something like that has the power to hurt us! That was months ago and I'd sort of let it go. I stopped thinking about it. Oh, he's remained my CO this entire time, but I'd stopped worrying about twitter.

Right up to a couple of weeks or so ago when I was seeing what was going on on there and much to my surprise come across a tweet of his in my timeline. His account being private means that the only way I could've seen it is if he'd accepted the request. Come to find out, he'd taken a break from twitter and was now back. Being weak, this of course meant looking through his timeline and his pictures and generally feeling like a crazy person. It feels like everything's gotten worse.

@OpalP25 you mentioned that your CO's sexuality is a bit of a mystery? Mine is too. I've seen pictures of him from a few years ago with a woman that really made me think that they were a couple at some point. Last fall he posted pictures of him with her going to a friend's wedding and those were like a punch to the stomach. But that said, it honestly wouldn't shock me if I found out that he was gay. Or maybe bisexual. Point is, I don't know for sure and considering how private he is, I don't think that mystery will be solved anytime soon. 

I was thinking about whether him being gay would make it any easier on me, if it would make it easier to let him go. I've determined that it wouldn't. For two reasons. The first being that as much as it hurts sometimes, I still don't want to let him go. The second being that I'm pretty sure I'd be crazy jealous of anyone he was with, man or woman. Either way it wouldn't be me. And I don't know what it is, but lately it seems like he's looking better than ever. As if I wasn't attracted to him enough already! 

This is all so frustrating! Does anyone else ever get mad at their COs? Logically I know that my feelings for him aren't his fault. Even if he is so good looking and talented and has a way of flirting with a camera that drives me crazy. It's not personal. It's not like he's deliberately trying to torture me - how could he after all? But I get so irritated with him sometimes. I've actually fantasized about him being my boyfriend and us getting into an argument so I could yell at him and it's more satisfying that it probably should be.  Of course, this fantasy always involves him doing something wonderful to make it up to me. 

I think that's what I'm trying to come to terms with. The fact that my fantasy of him is just that: mine. There was a point where I thought that if I found out he was gay that I'd have to give up the fantasy. But the reality is that even if he is attracted to women, I have no idea what being in a relationship with him would be like. Or what it'd be like to even just spend a day hanging out with him. The version of him that exists in my fantasy is not the same as who he is in real life.

I'm realizing that I've felt guilty about that, about making him something that he's possibly not and maybe that's what I have to let go of. The guilt. @Audrey822, you said it, we have to keep the fantasy life separate. I mean, in my fantasy, I'm not completely myself either. It's a better version of me, prettier and confident and everything I wish that I was in real life. And in this fantasy, he is perfectly straight and completely in love with me. I have to stop letting the reality ruin it because right now, I need the fantasy. I just do. 

Welcome back! It is definitely a blessing and a curse when a CO chooses to be private. My CO went from being very open with fans to suddenly becoming more private and I took it poorly, even though I know I was spared some heartache that way. I oddly took it a bit personally and felt rejected. I felt like he didn't care about me anymore. What I should have realized then is that he never really cared about me to begin with (why should he?).

"Does anyone else ever get mad at their COs?" Oh yes. And of course most of my anger is irrational and fuelled by jealousy. "Logically I know that my feelings for him aren't his fault." I know this too, but it feels good to blame him (lol). Of course it has never been his intention to upset me or anyone else. But wherever positive emotions run high, there is room for pain. There's always a crash after the high. When you become emotionally invested in anyone, there is always a chance that they will hurt you and disappoint you. This is obviously true in life - which is why so many people are afraid of love and commitment - but it's true for celebrity obsession as well. If you care about him, then you're going to be disappointed by him sometimes. That's inevitable, and it's okay. 

Edited by posie_riot
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10 hours ago, perfectcircle77 said:

So I mentioned before about the possibility of seeing my CO on tour early next year and guess what? Three months today, I shall be seeing him on stage, from the front row, with my husband next to me. We're not doing meet and greet (price was a factor but also my husband didn't want to and I really didn't want to push it and raise ideas in his head) but we are front row. I am excited about this but also terrified. I wish I hadn't got front row, I wish we were sitting further back. He can see me on the front row, he is going to see me and not recognise me as the love of his life and I am going to walk out of the arena having been so close to him and not talking to him. I've been pondering presents for all 4 of them - lots of fans do it - but we're not meeting them so I'm not sure how I'd get them to them but also I can just see my husband's reaction at my ridiculousness, so I won't.

I expect to be a whirl of conflicting emotions as it draws closer, I am hoping our impending house move might distract me enough.

Congrats! That's exciting! I understand the fear. I shall offer you a short anecdote...

First of all let me start by saying that I feel like everyone's worst fears on here have already come true for me :laugh: I'm going to put a positive spin on this and call it liberating. I've mentioned before that I sat in the fourth row at one of my CO's shows in a small venue. I was very close to him, and I feel like we made eye contact more than once. At the beginning of the show, the lights went on and he started walking around/interacting with the audience. I was near the end of my row, on the far left side of the stage. I swear to you, he scanned my whole row and looked at every single person except me. His eyes stopped just short of me, almost as though it were intentional. As he was looking down my row, he said something like: "There's a lot of good looking women in [my city]!"  I'm laughing now because this is so the story of my life and my CO deserves a good smack for that! :roll2:

I laughed it off at the time too, although it is a bit sad considering no one in that room was more obsessed with him than I was. After the show, a bunch of fans gathered around him outside and got photos/autographs. I had no idea this was going on and missed it (blessing in disguise, I think). Oh man...there's more to this story, but it's embarrassing and today is NOT the day to share it with the whole thread (I have a fear of lurkers with bad intentions). It's hilarious, but embarrassing. I don't mind PMing anyone who wants to know. 

The main takeaway here is that I survived all of that. Now if I were to actually talk to him and he snubbed me...yeah, that would probably be devastating. Never meet your heroes. 

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Hi, I am new. I am not depressed, or anxious, etc but I do have recurring (perhaps, obsessive) thoughts about my celebrity crush. 

Don't have too much share about my private though life (as of yet) but I will say I was very relieved to find this thread and know that I am not alone. I thought I was very odd for having such a robust thought life so much so that I would talk (out loud) to whomever my celebrity crush was at the moment. 

Most days I fantasize about Kit Harington during my early morning walks. Its the only time I really have to myself so I get up, literally at the crack of dawn, and go walking for an hour or so (with music playing through my earbuds) and ponder on Kitty (as I call him). 

I wonder does anyone else have some sort of "thing" that facilitates the daydreaming?
For me, its definitely music. Music is what sets off my daydreaming about Kitty (and other men I fancy) every time... 

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Welcome to the thread @Emme Ventura ...I'm glad you feel relieved to learn you're not alone.  That's how most of us feel when we come here.

To answer your question, I don't have anything in particular that facilitates my daydreaming.  I've noticed that's a criterion of maladaptive daydreaming, but it's one that doesn't apply to me....mine just go on almost all the time without any need for anything to kick start them.  

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2 hours ago, posie_riot said:

Congrats! That's exciting! I understand the fear. I shall offer you a short anecdote...

First of all let me start by saying that I feel like everyone's worst fears on here have already come true for me :laugh: I'm going to put a positive spin on this and call it liberating. I've mentioned before that I sat in the fourth row at one of my CO's shows in a small venue. I was very close to him, and I feel like we made eye contact more than once. At the beginning of the show, the lights went on and he started walking around/interacting with the audience. I was near the end of my row, on the far left side of the stage. I swear to you, he scanned my whole row and looked at every single person except me. His eyes stopped just short of me, almost as though it were intentional. As he was looking down my row, he said something like: "There's a lot of good looking women in [my city]!"  I'm laughing now because this is so the story of my life and my CO deserves a good smack for that! :roll2:

I laughed it off at the time too, although it is a bit sad considering no one in that room was more obsessed with him than I was. After the show, a bunch of fans gathered around him outside and got photos/autographs. I had no idea this was going on and missed it (blessing in disguise, I think). Oh man...there's more to this story, but it's embarrassing and today is NOT the day to share it with the whole thread (I have a fear of lurkers with bad intentions). It's hilarious, but embarrassing. I don't mind PMing anyone who wants to know. 

The main takeaway here is that I survived all of that. Now if I were to actually talk to him and he snubbed me...yeah, that would probably be devastating. Never meet your heroes

I don't think that can be stressed enough. :thumbsup:

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Hi gang,

Well, when things go bad, things go bad.  First of all, a friend of mine for 25 years died. He went fishing with his young son and another man. They never came back. Last Saturday their bodies were found in 300 feet of water.

With Reina, my CO I could at least find a little solace.  But today I went to one of the sites to acquire more pictures. There was a new one.  It was one from a new show she's in. She was lip locked with someone.  I felt very jealous and it pretty much ruined my day.  Now I know it's only her acting in a show, yet I hate seeing it.  It was just another taunting reminder that is something I'll never do with her. Seeing that makes life suck. Maybe it wouldn't have been as big of a deal if my friend didn't die. That's just added to the stress. 

Sometimes I wish I could be happy with the pictures of her I have already and never look her up online again, yet I feel a need to find more. How many more do I need? I must be closing in a 7000 pictures of her now. I've spent thousands of dollars on the obsession.   I still feel so high when I look at her. I'm hopelessly hooked on her.  I guess I'm going to have to accept seeing garbage like I saw earlier today if I'm going to keep obsessing over Reina.  I can't help but obsess, so I'm stuck. 

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