Jump to content

Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


Recommended Posts

@Audrey822 Well, my CO's type is pretty straight-forward. Curves. Of course there could be exceptions, but once I sat down and ran through my head all his past and present partners (the ones I'm aware of), I realized they all had one thing in common, if you know what I mean. TMI? Dumb, I know. It's dumb to care about this. And admitting this is probably putting my CO in a bad light. I don't think my CO would ever reject someone on the basis of their looks. But the way I see it is that this is just one more reason for him not to notice/care about me right off the bat. Maybe bringing this up on here is a good thing - explaining this to you all is forcing me to think about how horribly superficial of a concern it is. 

I know what you mean though. I have a "type", but it's so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I've been attracted to so many men who don't fall under that type and I would never turn down a guy for not looking a certain way! Personality trumps everything. And there's nothing my CO could ever do to his appearance to change my feelings for him. That's for sure. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 minutes ago, posie_riot said:

@Audrey822 Well, my CO's type is pretty straight-forward. Curves. Of course there could be exceptions, but once I sat down and ran through my head all his past and present partners (the ones I'm aware of), I realized they all had one thing in common, if you know what I mean. TMI? Dumb, I know. It's dumb to care about this. And admitting this is probably putting my CO in a bad light. I don't think my CO would ever reject someone on the basis of their looks. But the way I see it is that this is just one more reason for him not to notice/care about me right off the bat. Maybe bringing this up on here is a good thing - explaining this to you all is forcing me to think about how horribly superficial of a concern it is. 

I know what you mean though. I have a "type", but it's so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I've been attracted to so many men who don't fall under that type and I would never turn down a guy for not looking a certain way! Personality trumps everything. And there's nothing my CO could ever do to his appearance to change my feelings for him. That's for sure. 

The same thing could be true for mine...I've never seen enough of the "other women" (LOL) to know much about their physical attributes or lack thereof, and that's a good thing. The less I see of them, the better.

 

Except for the poster girl. Given what she did for a living, where she was employed, she had to be well-endowed I would think. ? 

I really hate talking about her, where she lived, where she worked, her name upsets me, just everything about her. That's why this is hidden.

Edited by Audrey822
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Audrey822 

 

Hiding this for pretty much the same reason you did. My CO's ex-wife is pretty much every man's dream woman (well, not every man, but you know what I mean). I could comfort myself by remembering that he divorced her, but there's another way of looking at that - such as, how big of a role did her looks play in him falling in love with her? Kind of ruins the fantasy of him being captivated by my appearance :rolleyes:

Edited by posie_riot
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@posie_riot In response to your last line in the hidden comment: you can't let that happen. Just don't let it happen. We have no choice but to separate fantasy from reality, at least that how I see it. I decided right after I learned about *ahem* --  that which I ignore and do not speak of -- that I can make my fantasy whatever I want it to be, because it's mine. In my fantasy, he absolutely adores me (as my alter-ego.) That's just how it is, always has been, and always will be. 

"Other women" do not exist.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Audrey822 You know what's really terrible (but perhaps funny)? Whenever I'm upset about my CO being with someone else, I slip into a fantasy where I'm 10x hotter than I really am and my CO wants me (or at least admires me) but he can't have me because I'm taken :roll2: I did this a lot when he was with his last girlfriend. It's called "survival instinct"!! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 minutes ago, posie_riot said:

@Audrey822 You know what's really terrible (but perhaps funny)? Whenever I'm upset about my CO being with someone else, I slip into a fantasy where I'm 10x hotter than I really am and my CO wants me (or at least admires me) but he can't have me because I'm taken :roll2: I did this a lot when he was with his last girlfriend. It's called "survival instinct"!! 

It's not terrible...I like it! ?That's the kind of conflict that makes for a good story! He'll have to fight to win you over! ????

Edited by Audrey822
Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, posie_riot said:

@perfectcircle77 I'd never heard of Beau Taplin before. Just found "I Want a Love That Hurts" on his website, and now I'm checking out his Instagram. Great stuff. He appeals to the hopeless romantic in me, that's for sure. I read Wuthering Heights shortly after finding out about "the news" and loved it. I think my true love could very well be Heathcliff :laugh: 

This was probably my favourite passage of the book, spoken by Heathcliff himself. It really moved me at the time. 

heathcliff3.jpg

 

I read Wuthering Heights at 15, Gone with the wind at 13 and Pride & Prejudice at 16 - it's no wonder I am a hopeless romantic really. I spent a lot of time thinking I was Cathy. :blush21:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Audrey822 Yes, it's true that mutual attraction is also a very necessary element! While making that list of bullet points, I actually thought "your CO being attracted to women" would be another important thing to add... I've already mentioned here that my CO's sexuality is a bit of a mystery. But that doesn't really apply to anyone else's CO so I decided not to include that particular point!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, perfectcircle77 said:

I read Wuthering Heights at 15, Gone with the wind at 13 and Pride & Prejudice at 16 - it's no wonder I am a hopeless romantic really. I spent a lot of time thinking I was Cathy. :blush21:

The classics are the best romance novels! ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

FINALLY!! ????

Closure.jpg

In case you can't figure out what that's a picture of (but I'll bet you can!) ...that is what it looks like when a poster is set on fire.  I had to share it here when I was finally able to do it.  She is gone.  Tomorrow will be 37 months to the day....but no more.  She is gone

The symbolic way to rid myself of #1 is to smash the single (45rpm) record on which she sang background.  I am on my way to order it from eBay right now.  I just had to get this out of the way first because this one bothered me much more.  

I feel free.  :Coopyahoo:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just realized...(cue Stevie Wonder again) I can't order that record on eBay just yet. I mentioned that particular song has always brought bad luck to me in MANY different ways (it came on the radio on opening day of football season last year -- that night, our best wide receiver broke his foot...the next week, our QB broke his collarbone, and the team only won 4 games the entire season after getting 2 games away from the championship the year before -- they were expected to do even better last year, but it crashed and burned.) 

Here's why I have to stay away now: my baseball team is the Chicago Cubs. They haven't won a World Series in 108 years, but they're the favorite to win this year. They have had jinxes and bad luck things happen to them over the course of that 108 years...I am not going to add to that. It can wait until November!!  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I was six years old after seeing Michael Jackson on television I knew what I wanted to do with my life.  I then saw Tevin Campbell and thought he was like the cutest guy in the world! Usher came along and my life changed and I have never been the same .....

God speaks to me in a way through the radio and I still feel Him touch my spirit and tell me things whether it's a sermon or a song. 

There are so many things going on in the world I don't know when He will come back but I think back to my life at 6 & 7 years old in 1992 & 1993 and I still feel best up over Usher because I feel as though I let all these bad things happen but he makes his own decisions too.

I don't live in New York City in a fabulous apartment. I don't look like Cindy Crawford or am as tall as Taylor Swift. I have achieved nothing I wanted to & don't have the man of my dreams so in a way I feel as though I've gained nothing but lost everything when in reality I have faith, family, food, shelter, clothes, work, but it hurts because I see other people living the life I wanted but at the same time if in order to be famous means: being a puppet for the Illuminati & blood sacrifices and satanic cults I cannot cross over from light to darkness as my faith says. I can't say I love Jesus but flirt with The Devil at the same time. You can't serve two masters. You will love the one and despise the other. 

I still feel like I'm responsible for him but I am learning that I can't worry about him anymore. He's a grown man and he's able to make his own decisions regarding his life and what he makes of it.

I am only one person. If something should happen in the world very soon - I want you all to know how much I love and appreciate your words.

Thank you all for taking the time to be patient with me and enduring my struggle along with yours.

Edited by urivgirl86
Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 minutes ago, urivgirl86 said:

When I was six years old after seeing Michael Jackson on television I knew what I wanted to do with my life.  I then saw Tevin Campbell and thought he was like the cutest guy in the world! Usher came along and my life changed and I have never been the same .....

I understand completely....I feel the same after seeing the back cover of my CO's band's 3rd album. 

God speaks to me in a way through the radio and I still feel Him touch my spirit and tell me things whether it's a sermon or a song. 

There are so many things going on in the world I don't know when He will come back but I think back to my life at 6 & 7 years old in 1992 & 1993 and I still feel best up over Usher because I feel as though I let all these bad things happen but he makes his own decisions too.

If I'm understanding you correctly here (and maybe I'm not) you are in no way responsible for any choices that Usher made in his life. He is responsible for those choices, you are only responsible for the choices you made for yourself. 

I don't live in New York City in a fabulous apartment. I don't look like Cindy Crawford or am as tall as Taylor Swift. I have achieved nothing I wanted to & don't have the man of my dreams so in a way I feel as though I've gained nothing but lost everything [...]

Ya know....you mentioned Taylor Swift.  I gotta say, I don't think she has the man of her dreams either.  Every time I turn around, I see she's IN L?VE with another man, and then two weeks later, her face is on the tabloids again saying she broke up with that one and has been seen with another one.   But I get where you're coming from.  You, me, and Taylor (and many others in this thread)..we don't have the man (or woman)  of our dreams.

when in reality I have faith, family, food, shelter, clothes, work, but it hurts because I see other people living the life I wanted but at the same time if in order to be famous means: being a puppet for the Illuminati & blood sacrifices and satanic cults I cannot cross over from light to darkness as my faith says. I can't say I love Jesus but flirt with The Devil at the same time. You can't serve two masters. You will love the one and despise the other. 

Oh, but yes you can!  People do it all the time, because humans aren't perfect.  You can say we're not supposed to, but being only human, we all succumb to human temptations.  If you're a Christian, you know that Jesus died for your sins and mine.  He didn't expect perfection from us.  He knew we would slip and fall into temptation because only God is perfect.  That doesn't mean we shouldn't try to do better, but we don't have to beat ourselves up when we fail either, because Jesus already paid the debt for us.  

To your comment about the Illuminati...I've heard the conspiracy theories about that, and I don't dismiss that out of hand.  But neither do I believe all famous people are puppets of the Illuminati.  

I still feel like I'm responsible for him [...]

But you are not!

but I am learning that I can't worry about him anymore. He's a grown man and he's able to make his own decisions regarding his life and what he makes of it.

Exactly.  That's what you need to keep telling yourself.  This is not the first time you've worried about this...you seem to be in agony over this quite often.  I hope you can allow yourself to let it go eventually because you are not responsible for anything he did.  You are only responsible for YOU.  

I am only one person. If something should happen in the world very soon - I want you all to know how much I love and appreciate your words.

Thank you all for taking the time to be patient with me and enduring my struggle along with yours.

Sending love and appreciation back to you, Hon.  Let yourself relax over this, OK?  

 

My responses in blue throughout....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you @Audrey822

 

Sometimes I think God is mad at me but he gives us freewill but I have this fear at judgement He's going  to say "Why didn't you do this?" I have my family & more important responsiblities to worry about than chasing fame & a hoping that one day he would like me.

I know He loves me and I'm okay I know He's okay about it but still ...

Edited by urivgirl86
Link to comment
Share on other sites

22 minutes ago, urivgirl86 said:

Thank you @Audrey822

 

Sometimes I think God is mad at me but he gives us freewill but I have this fear at judgement He's going  to say "Why didn't you do this?" I have my family & more important responsiblities to worry about than chasing fame & a hoping that one day he would like me.

I know He loves me and I'm okay I know He's okay about it but still ...

Well, let's turn that around.  If you say your family needed you and you had a responsibility to them, how would God have looked at that if you turned your back on them and left?  Would he judge you for that and ask you "Why did you leave @urivgirl86 when your family needed you?" Do you remember all the things @OpalP25 said to you in her post yesterday?  How all the stars and planets would have to be aligned for any of us to reasonably hope that we could live happily ever after with the CO of our dreams?  I believe her bullet points are true  --  plus I added one more. I think we all instinctively know that in the back of our minds, whether we admit it or not, and that's what really keeps us from chasing off after our COs on a whim.  To run off like that if you had a responsibility to a parent or a child who is depending on you, knowing your chances of really being together with the man/woman of your dreams could be less than 1% (in many cases) ...that seems pretty selfish, doesn't it?  What would God say to any of us in that situation?

Edited by Audrey822
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think He will be glad that I laid aside my own selfish desires in order to care for the ones who He allowed to be a part of my life.

 I am longer going to allow myself to be dictated by what others may have. I don't envy them when I let myself consider what I do have.

I am in no ways perfect but am glad that I chose to not go for these dreams which seem like nightmares when you see how it turns out for some along the way.

We all mak our own choices and we don't usually get another time to make it right so I am glad that I am not living the life I had envision for myself. I don't need much in life so long as I have the basics and a family that loves me no matter what that's what matters.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@urivgirl86 You are lucky if you have a family who loves you. I wish I could say the same, but I'm not sure I can. Only that I was loved "conditionally" the only way a narcissist knows how, and for that person, I sacrificed my dreams and whatever else good may have come my way that we will never know. For that, I made choices I still have to live with and regret every day. If God works the way you think He does, what will He make me answer for?

I don't think He works that way, @urivgirl86. I think those who emotionally abused me and kept me from living my dreams, or even exploring them -- I think they are the ones who will have to answer to God, if anyone does. But, as a Christian, I don't think even that will happen because Jesus paid the debt. Somehow *I* have to find my way clear to forgive before I leave this world. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have to stop myself after that last post. See? That's what I cannot allow any longer. Especially today. Today is supposed to be a happy occasion and I'm not going to let anything take me down...look what I found! ???

IMG_0959.jpg

 

That combo is too too good to be true and just in time! ?? (you can tell from my avatar, I'm a Hello Kitty fan!) 

@posie_riot I'm going to find your corgi, we need to get this party started! ???⭐️

"You can choose not to lose, find your groove and BE A WINNER!" ???

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 minutes ago, urivgirl86 said:

Please forgive me I won't bother you anymore. I don't drink but I think the Hello Kitty things are too cute!

You're not bothering me...I just have to be careful not to invite myself to anymore pity parties. ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Audrey822 Congrats on finally getting the closure that you've been waiting for! :party: If it was as therapeutic for you as you made it sound, I'd say it was a success.

@urivgirl86 I haven't been here long, but I've noticed that your main problem is the struggle between your religion and your CO. I can't pretend to know about the situation you're in, but I do think that if you're truly looking for a resolution, you may not find it, but you'll eventually know the reasons why you didn't and will be able to come to some sort of acceptance. Keep looking for answers.   

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi everyone! A part of me feels guilty for posting because I always seem to post a couple of times and then disappear. But then, there's times when I'm okay with how I feel about my CO or just don't feel like talking about it. Obviously things have changed. I was doing pretty well and then a couple of things happened. First, my CO is a very private person which I've come to see as a blessing and a curse. Last time I posted, I was freaking out over my decision to send him a follow request on twitter. At that point I'd been following him on Instagram and still am. I decided that I wasn't going to check his twitter because if I'd somehow seen that he's rejected that request, it would've hurt. I hate that something like that has the power to hurt us! That was months ago and I'd sort of let it go. I stopped thinking about it. Oh, he's remained my CO this entire time, but I'd stopped worrying about twitter.

Right up to a couple of weeks or so ago when I was seeing what was going on on there and much to my surprise come across a tweet of his in my timeline. His account being private means that the only way I could've seen it is if he'd accepted the request. Come to find out, he'd taken a break from twitter and was now back. Being weak, this of course meant looking through his timeline and his pictures and generally feeling like a crazy person. It feels like everything's gotten worse.

@OpalP25 you mentioned that your CO's sexuality is a bit of a mystery? Mine is too. I've seen pictures of him from a few years ago with a woman that really made me think that they were a couple at some point. Last fall he posted pictures of him with her going to a friend's wedding and those were like a punch to the stomach. But that said, it honestly wouldn't shock me if I found out that he was gay. Or maybe bisexual. Point is, I don't know for sure and considering how private he is, I don't think that mystery will be solved anytime soon. 

I was thinking about whether him being gay would make it any easier on me, if it would make it easier to let him go. I've determined that it wouldn't. For two reasons. The first being that as much as it hurts sometimes, I still don't want to let him go. The second being that I'm pretty sure I'd be crazy jealous of anyone he was with, man or woman. Either way it wouldn't be me. And I don't know what it is, but lately it seems like he's looking better than ever. As if I wasn't attracted to him enough already! 

This is all so frustrating! Does anyone else ever get mad at their COs? Logically I know that my feelings for him aren't his fault. Even if he is so good looking and talented and has a way of flirting with a camera that drives me crazy. It's not personal. It's not like he's deliberately trying to torture me - how could he after all? But I get so irritated with him sometimes. I've actually fantasized about him being my boyfriend and us getting into an argument so I could yell at him and it's more satisfying that it probably should be.  Of course, this fantasy always involves him doing something wonderful to make it up to me. 

I think that's what I'm trying to come to terms with. The fact that my fantasy of him is just that: mine. There was a point where I thought that if I found out he was gay that I'd have to give up the fantasy. But the reality is that even if he is attracted to women, I have no idea what being in a relationship with him would be like. Or what it'd be like to even just spend a day hanging out with him. The version of him that exists in my fantasy is not the same as who he is in real life.

I'm realizing that I've felt guilty about that, about making him something that he's possibly not and maybe that's what I have to let go of. The guilt. @Audrey822, you said it, we have to keep the fantasy life separate. I mean, in my fantasy, I'm not completely myself either. It's a better version of me, prettier and confident and everything I wish that I was in real life. And in this fantasy, he is perfectly straight and completely in love with me. I have to stop letting the reality ruin it because right now, I need the fantasy. I just do. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, musiclover83 said:

This is all so frustrating! Does anyone else ever get mad at their COs? Logically I know that my feelings for him aren't his fault. Even if he is so good looking and talented and has a way of flirting with a camera that drives me crazy. It's not personal. It's not like he's deliberately trying to torture me - how could he after all? But I get so irritated with him sometimes. I've actually fantasized about him being my boyfriend and us getting into an argument so I could yell at him and it's more satisfying that it probably should be.  Of course, this fantasy always involves him doing something wonderful to make it up to me. 

I think that's what I'm trying to come to terms with. The fact that my fantasy of him is just that: mine. There was a point where I thought that if I found out he was gay that I'd have to give up the fantasy. But the reality is that even if he is attracted to women, I have no idea what being in a relationship with him would be like. Or what it'd be like to even just spend a day hanging out with him. The version of him that exists in my fantasy is not the same as who he is in real life.

I'm realizing that I've felt guilty about that, about making him something that he's possibly not and maybe that's what I have to let go of. The guilt. @Audrey822, you said it, we have to keep the fantasy life separate. I mean, in my fantasy, I'm not completely myself either. It's a better version of me, prettier and confident and everything I wish that I was in real life. And in this fantasy, he is perfectly straight and completely in love with me. I have to stop letting the reality ruin it because right now, I need the fantasy. I just do. 

The guilt is what I'm learning to let go of to. It's not always easy but I find I have an easier time of it mentally when I do let go of it, even momentarily. And I get mad with my CO too which is irrational but there you go. Sometimes so little of this seems rational. There is, in my opinion, nothing wrong with needing the fantasy as long as it's not becoming your whole life. I need my fantasy, I need it to get through the bad days, the days where I don't want to get out of bed let alone be a human being in the big wide world. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...