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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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The other day on his Instagram some woman commented on some things that to honest with you I hope for his sake are just rumored but if they were true I would be shocked to think that someone would do something like that to him. I would never ever do anything like that to him or anyone regardless it would not cross my mind. 

I am in a space where I feel as though I am admiring him from a distance and am okay with that so long as he's happy & taken care of properly. I know that God has a purpose and we have a choice and it affects every aspect of our lives so much so that I think maybe if I would have been with him none of this bad stuff would have happened. I guess I'm protective of him and want ultimately for him whatever makes him happy but I have to keep myself from overstepping boundaries because of it and have to realize that I can't prevent things from happening in his life as they are to be. 

One day I hope to understand just exactly what you would call all of this. What do you guys think? What am I feeling? Have I robbed myself of something or someone by not stepping out in faith or did I ultimately make the right choice by playing it safe? Why would God allow me to feel this way? He may have presented him as an opportunity but my choice has affected me every single day since then no matter what other things are going on in my life. 

I think I'm going to cry because I'm angry at myself but it's selfish right? I truly thought that he was the one but you can't love someone and be afraid to love them .... you have to love them with all that you have and keep loving them.

Edited by urivgirl86
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I didn't follow up on the therapy session today because we had some bad news in my family:  my sister-in-law (husband's sister) passed away this morning.  She's had cancer, we knew it was coming, but of course people who are close are never sufficiently prepared for it.  I wasn't especially close to her, but it's hitting my husband really hard. 

I went to therapy before hearing this news, so I had no reason to take mercy on him at that time.  I said I had a lot to think about yesterday, and I did.  I put a plan together, and I gave him an ultimatum last night and I told her about it.

This is relevant to the situation:  about 3 months ago my husband and I and the son who went out to dinner with us Saturday night went to Chicago for 5 days.  I didn't mention it here, but I was posting while I was standing in line waiting to get into Wrigley Field.  ?⚾️ The reason I brought that up though, the trip with the two of them was horrible, just like the experience at dinner Saturday night...the same kind of thing happened many times (but I wasn't as strong then as I am now.  I was in a very bad place at that time.)  We have to take another trip at the end of this month.  Our whole family is going to a wedding in Virginia, and I sort of expect the same kind of thing to happen because my husband always behaves that way when he's with one of our sons.  BUT, I told him last night that if he does, I'm pulling out the money I have in the bank from the sale of my parents' house and I'm leaving. (I have no idea if, legally, I'm entitled to that money by now or not...it's been co-mingled in our mutual savings account, so a lawyer might say it's half his by now...but that's neither here nor there for now.  He fell for it.  I don't think he expected such audacity from little ol' me.)  

So that's what I told my therapist I did.  I was proud of myself again, just for taking that stand.  She wasn't.  (Good Lord.)  She told me she understood that I was angry, and I had a right to be, but I should understand that I'm not going to change someone's behavior by giving them ultimatums.  ? (My thought:  I don't care if it changes his behavior, it gets me away from the situation.)  Once again, she suggested we go to couples' therapy. She doesn't think I should leave.  

*sigh*

Well, that's my decision, not hers.

To be honest, I don't want to make that decision, and I hope I don't have to.  I still don't think I have much to gain by leaving.  I obviously have much more thinking to do. 

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@Audrey822 First of all, I'm so sorry to hear about your sister-in-law. I hope your family are doing okay. It's true that it's something you can never completely prepare for. 

Regarding the ultimatum - I for one am proud of you. Of course I'm not a therapist, but I don't know why she's suggesting couples' therapy to you when you don't want to go. That makes no sense. Also, it's not your responsibility to change your husband's behaviour. It sounds like she's got an issue with you acting the way a normal person would act instead of the way you would act if you were his therapist, which you're not. You don't want to change his behaviour. What's so hard to understand? Your reservations about leaving the marriage have practically nothing to do with him - it's your sons, and your own living situation that concern you (totally understandable!). She should be helping you come to terms with that and figuring out the logical next steps. Perhaps as a therapist she feels the need to "mend" things instead of helping or allowing something to naturally come to an end. I'm totally biased because I've seen my parents suffer through a miserable marriage. I just can't understand the point of sticking it out when there's no chance at resolving anything and one or both parties are experiencing exacerbated mental health issues. She's probably biased as a therapist, and I'm biased to the other extreme. 

I hope that your trip to Virginia runs relatively smoothly. It sounds like you may have woken him up to something. Who knows, maybe he'll pleasantly surprise you. Have you ever sat down and had a long talk to him about all this, and could it possibly help anything? I don't see why he shouldn't make an effort to pay better attention to you - that's just common human decency. The lack of affection issue is a lot more complicated (very complicated I would say, from what you've shared), but he should at least treat you as a better friend! That's not a lot to ask. 

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I've been doing a little better concerning my CO situation for the past few days. I'm not feeling quite as guilty, so possibly as a result, I've calmed down quite a bit. As with all of the other obsessions I've had, I'm sure it'll have it's ups and downs for weeks or even months at a time, but for now I've accepted that this is just kind of how it is. I think the unpredictability of when it will suddenly flare up and be worse than usual bothers me almost as much as the obsession itself. Either way, I'm fairly comfortable with it at the moment, so I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts. That being said, something frustrating did happen. Normally I don't mind my fiance seeing my sketchbook. I know that some of my work is good and some is far from it, so comments and criticisms are usually welcome. Unfortunately, I recently did a quick sketch of my CO. It's not even finished. But my fiance saw it last night and didn't say anything, but just kind of raised his eyebrows. I'm not sure if he thinks I have a thing for my CO now even though I've done plenty of other celebrity sketches or if he thought it was really good or really bad and I've been too afraid to ask. Maybe I'm completely overreacting and he was just trying to show an interest. I don't know...

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12 hours ago, urivgirl86 said:

One day I hope to understand just exactly what you would call all of this. What do you guys think? What am I feeling? Have I robbed myself of something or someone by not stepping out in faith or did I ultimately make the right choice by playing it safe? Why would God allow me to feel this way? He may have presented him as an opportunity but my choice has affected me every single day since then no matter what other things are going on in my life. 

I think I'm going to cry because I'm angry at myself but it's selfish right? I truly thought that he was the one but you can't love someone and be afraid to love them .... you have to love them with all that you have and keep loving them.

I think you made the right choice. As far as what I would call it...I call it celebrity obsession. "Celebrity" as in an individual famous person, not "celebrity" as in a state of being. No one here is obsessed with "celebrities" in general. You are experiencing the pain of "what if", which is common both within and outside of celebrity obsession. There are a thousand different paths that any one individual on this planet could have taken that would've changed their own lives or the lives of others. That's a huge burden for all of us to carry. I could've tried to pursue a music career like I always dreamt of, and maybe by now I'd have a hit single and perhaps my CO and I would've met at a show or a function. I have to just trust that none of that was in the cards for me. I wasn't pulled very strongly towards that path. The stars didn't seem to align for me in that way, for a variety of reasons. You have to try not to dwell on that and realize that the concerns you have apply to everyone. 

"Why would God allow me to feel this way?" Well, truthfully, I'm asking myself the same question. I have no idea why I'm going through this, or why I feel so connected to my CO. "Scientific" me wants to put it down to childhood problems, chemical imbalances in my brain, non-existent social life etc. There's another side of me that will always wonder if the connection I feel to him is somehow real. Maybe it means something. Do I think it means that my CO and I are destined to be together romantically? No. That's a wonderful thought, but no. Who knows where this complicated journey with him will take me or what it will lead to. I'd like to believe that there's some spiritual significance to what I'm going through. But I'm not going to get angry at myself for not getting on my feet and running to his rescue. You shouldn't get angry at yourself either. Life is not perfect. It can't be. Our struggles make us who we are, and it's not always easy to see the reason behind them. 

"[...] you can't love someone and be afraid to love them"

^ Oh, yes you can. You've just described the human experience. 

 

Edited by posie_riot
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@Audrey822 I'm sorry to hear about your sister-in-law even if you weren't close. Cancer is a horrible way to go and I hope you and your kids are doing okay with it. It's also good to hear that you stood up to your husband. My dad has mentally, verbally, and physically abused my mom my entire life, so I have no tolerance for any of it. I'm not trying to insult your husband, but what he's doing really is mental and verbal abuse. Your therapist sounds like she might be a little money hungry if she's trying to pressure you into couples therapy. Not to mention, it's a little odd that she's discouraging you from leaving your husband. I thought that confronting your problems was a fairly important part of solving them. If you feel like you're making progress, then I'd say don't let her spoil that.  

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@Audrey822 - Does the therapist know about the other incidences of this? Because if not, hearing about what happened on Saturday and then the ultimatum may sound like an extreme reaction. However, if she knows he's done this before, then I don't get her reaction. She seems rather hung up on couples counselling, how does she imagine this would change your husband's behaviour? I think the ultimatum is something to be proud of and it shows him that actually, no, you're not going to take this any more. I hope it does the trick and your trip to Virginia goes OK. Sorry to hear about your sister in law.

My signature is a Beau Taplin poem - I discovered him through Pinterest where there were a lot of poems along a similar line but this one basically had me sobbing on the sofa one afternoon. He's self published 3/4 poetry books with similar themes, I may well buy one when I get paid later this month, if the £ doesn't crash further.

Which reminds me, it was your signature, @posie_riot that sent me off there looking for something for mine. I adore Wuthering Heights, have done since my teens and I love that quote from it.

Edited by perfectcircle77
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15 hours ago, urivgirl86 said:

The other day on his Instagram some woman commented on some things that to honest with you I hope for his sake are just rumored but if they were true I would be shocked to think that someone would do something like that to him. I would never ever do anything like that to him or anyone regardless it would not cross my mind. 

I am in a space where I feel as though I am admiring him from a distance and am okay with that so long as he's happy & taken care of properly. I know that God has a purpose and we have a choice and it affects every aspect of our lives so much so that I think maybe if I would have been with him none of this bad stuff would have happened. I guess I'm protective of him and want ultimately for him whatever makes him happy but I have to keep myself from overstepping boundaries because of it and have to realize that I can't prevent things from happening in his life as they are to be. 

One day I hope to understand just exactly what you would call all of this. What do you guys think? What am I feeling? Have I robbed myself of something or someone by not stepping out in faith or did I ultimately make the right choice by playing it safe? Why would God allow me to feel this way? He may have presented him as an opportunity but my choice has affected me every single day since then no matter what other things are going on in my life. 

I think I'm going to cry because I'm angry at myself but it's selfish right? I truly thought that he was the one but you can't love someone and be afraid to love them .... you have to love them with all that you have and keep loving them.

I agree with Posie, you have made the right decision and this is 'What if?' which I think is just part of the human condition. I play 'What if?' all the time, over many different decisions in my life. There are infinite paths we could have taken, and maybe it comes back to the idea of predestination and fate - are we meant to be where we are because of some master plan. I think the place you're in - being OK as long as he's happy and taken care of - is a good place to be in. :hugs:

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3 hours ago, dazedandconfused1 said:

I've been doing a little better concerning my CO situation for the past few days. I'm not feeling quite as guilty, so possibly as a result, I've calmed down quite a bit. As with all of the other obsessions I've had, I'm sure it'll have it's ups and downs for weeks or even months at a time, but for now I've accepted that this is just kind of how it is. I think the unpredictability of when it will suddenly flare up and be worse than usual bothers me almost as much as the obsession itself. Either way, I'm fairly comfortable with it at the moment, so I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts. That being said, something frustrating did happen. Normally I don't mind my fiance seeing my sketchbook. I know that some of my work is good and some is far from it, so comments and criticisms are usually welcome. Unfortunately, I recently did a quick sketch of my CO. It's not even finished. But my fiance saw it last night and didn't say anything, but just kind of raised his eyebrows. I'm not sure if he thinks I have a thing for my CO now even though I've done plenty of other celebrity sketches or if he thought it was really good or really bad and I've been too afraid to ask. Maybe I'm completely overreacting and he was just trying to show an interest. I don't know...

I'm going to repeat what you said to me the other week: "Sometimes men don't see things quite like we do (obviously, lol), so maybe your husband just didn't think anything of the photos, especially if he thinks you have a bit of a crush on someone else. But prepare for a sneak attack later, just in case. ?" 

Of course in your case it's the sketches, but if you've done celebrity sketches in the past, what would make him think this one is any different to the others? Does he have any clue about how you feel about this CO? If not, he's probably not thinking of it at all any more, much like my husband hasn't raised it since (and he's had plenty of opportunity to, my CO's name/tour has been a subject of intense discussion here this last week). I am sure he's just showing an interest but have a :hugs:because I know exactly how you feel. 

 
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Thanks to all of you @posie_riot @dazedandconfused1 and @perfectcircle77 for your support and encouragement. To @perfectcircle77 yes, the therapist knows everything...the cruel joke he made,  she heard all about what happened in Chicago right after I got back (had a session the very day after we returned home) and she knows all about what doesn't go on (and for how long) in our marriage too. She also knows, because in the session after the Chicago trip, I told her I would be fine if my husband and I could just get back to that comfortable place where we were a few years ago: at that time, I would have said to anyone that he was my best friend. But not now. After that session, the one that followed the Chicago trip, I did sit down and have a long talk with him about all of that.

The reason it fell apart in July was because I didn't follow through. I was in a really bad place at that time. A lot of it had to do with my CO. (I realize how hypocritical and insensitive that sounds when we're talking about making an effort to keep my marriage together.) Right before we left for the trip I had to deal with something someone said to me that triggered me badly and spiraled me into a cycle of self-punishment that didn't have a chance to get better because 10 days after we returned, the eBay poster showed up and kept showing up, and I kept punishing myself more and more -- self-esteem in the gutter.  I mentioned how I triumphed over that on this past Sunday morning (God bless Maurice White.) 

Here's an update on how things went here yesterday: he was extremely nicer. 

There's an added element to the situation (besides my ultimatum) that I was thinking may have something to do with his radical change: mortality. His sister's death most likely has him thinking how fragile life is...and maybe he should be nicer to the people around him.  Obviously he was very sad about that last night, and I was sympathetic to his feelings. He was definitely changed. How long will it last, I don't know. But I'm stronger now than I've been in the past 3 years.  I know this. I feel this. He'd better stay nice because he's never seen the side of me he will see if he's not. I'm tired of being everyone's victim. That ended Sunday night. There's a lot of anger, resentment, and regret built up in me over almost 61 years. I'm not going to allow anyone to continue to add to it another day.

 

 

I apologize for taking this thread ridiculously off-topic. Hopefully, after this post, we're back to discussing only our COs again. 

 

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Oh...shoot, I forgot to add something to the above about couples therapy and I know I'm going to have trouble adding text in an edit since I dropped a music video in that post. (There are so many issues I have with posting stuff here...but that's another story!)

Anyway, this is the 3rd time Ms. Therapist brought up couples therapy, and this is (sort of, but not really) funny.

I'm sorry, I'm breaking my rule about not derailing the thread already...but this is CO-related. You'll see.

The first time was in November 2014. She was trying to convince me I should be doing something productive. I told her I am; I'm a writer -- sort of.  So she asked me if I ever had anything published (no, not even trying for that.) She then correctly guessed I was (and still am) writing romantic stories about myself and him, right? (Yep.) She tried then to convince me that my marriage wouldn't get better if my mind was elsewhere. I don't know what sort of expectations she had for improving my marriage, but I was pretty sure they must have exceeded mine! That was when she made the comment that I was -- by doing these things -- "stepping out on my marriage" in a way....I took that to mean she was blaming me for what was happening and not happening.  She gave me the couples' therapist's card but I never called. I resented what she was implying, and for the next 2 or 3 months, I stopped all talk about my CO and/or my marriage with her. When I resumed the discussion (because something happened and I needed to) I told her exactly how I felt about what she said to me...that these thoughts in my head IN NO WAY are an affront to my marriage, and any other woman in my place would probably have stepped out FOR REAL by now...to imply that I'm doing that by merely FANTASIZING about someone is insulting. ? I told her the problems in my marriage are neither MY fault nor the fault of this man in my fantasies. And I never want to hear any discussion of that in THAT context again. ???

The most recent time before yesterday that couples therapy came up, I was almost open to it. It came at another very low point for me...in June of 2015. I'll spare rattling off all the other issues that were going on at the time, but there were many including a very BIG one related to my CO that had me on high anxiety right at that time. That was when his band's concert was coming, that following weekend in my neck of the woods, and I wouldn't/couldn't allow myself to go. But just knowing he was that close (and I'd never refused to go see him before) was really messing with my head. Anxiety through the roof...I wasn't handling anything well, and my psych doc had recently changed my meds. Horrible combination. My husband piled on with one of his usual antics involving our son. Couples therapy was suggested by Ms. Therapist, and I was all set to make the appointment. But on my way out the door, Ms. Therapist says to me "I'll forward everything you and I have talked about to her so she'll be up to date on your part of the story." ???Uh....no, I don't think I want that going to COUPLES therapy. I asked her what exactly she would be forwarding. She said "everything we've talked about." Thanks, but no thanks. If I ever decide to do this, it will be with someone who won't be getting THAT information. I'm sure, looking back on it, I could have told her she doesn't have my permission to do that...or at least not to send anything not DIRECTLY and SPECIFICALLY related to my marriage (and I would not have allowed her to guess what I wanted her to exclude ?) But it's a moot point now. I'm not interested in couples therapy.

Adding on edit: in spite of how it sounds (because I guess I mostly complain about what she says and does when I disagree ?) I like her...that's why I've continued to see her for 2-1/2 years now. She's done good things for me, but (as I've told others here) we have to take control of our own therapy. Our therapists aren't mind-readers, and they don't always know what's best for every person because -- as in most things in life, one size does not fit all. We have to speak up if something feels wrong. She told me on Day One she didn't have an agenda, and we would always be working towards my goals. THEREFORE, if anything she tries to put me on is not within MY goals, it's my responsibility to tell her. She's only giving advice as she sees things, but if the advice isn't right for me, I have to speak up. She's never fought me when I've called her out on anything.

Edited by Audrey822
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7 hours ago, perfectcircle77 said:

I'm going to repeat what you said to me the other week: "Sometimes men don't see things quite like we do (obviously, lol), so maybe your husband just didn't think anything of the photos, especially if he thinks you have a bit of a crush on someone else. But prepare for a sneak attack later, just in case. ?" 

Of course in your case it's the sketches, but if you've done celebrity sketches in the past, what would make him think this one is any different to the others? Does he have any clue about how you feel about this CO? If not, he's probably not thinking of it at all any more, much like my husband hasn't raised it since (and he's had plenty of opportunity to, my CO's name/tour has been a subject of intense discussion here this last week). I am sure he's just showing an interest but have a :hugs:because I know exactly how you feel. 

 

I guess I should learn to take my own advice, huh? ? I think everyone here probably knows that's easier said than done, though. It's always different when it's a personal experience, I suppose. The problem is, I don't know if he knows or suspects that I'm attracted to my CO. I hate not knowing that, but it's not exactly something I can bring up.

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@perfectcircle77 I'd never heard of Beau Taplin before. Just found "I Want a Love That Hurts" on his website, and now I'm checking out his Instagram. Great stuff. He appeals to the hopeless romantic in me, that's for sure. I read Wuthering Heights shortly after finding out about "the news" and loved it. I think my true love could very well be Heathcliff :laugh: 

This was probably my favourite passage of the book, spoken by Heathcliff himself. It really moved me at the time. 

heathcliff3.jpg

I can't get that photo to a decent size and I'm not sure why it's so dark on here , but hey...I POSTED A PHOTO! 

Here's the corgi you were all sadly deprived of seeing a few days ago

corrg.jpg

Is it anyone's birthday? Party!

*Edited to change size of photo

Edited by posie_riot
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@urivgirl86 Some people who comment on Instagram are very messed up! I've seen some horrible abusive comments directed towards my CO on his account, so it certainly doesn't surprise me that the same thing would happen to a huge celebrity like your CO. But I wouldn't worry too much about it. These people may think that they're speaking directly to your CO, but he probably gets so many comments each day that he'd never have the chance to read all of them.

As for asking yourself "what if?"... I completely agree with what's already been said. If I remember correctly, your plan to get together with your CO hinged upon you becoming a famous singer yourself. Now of course that wasn't (and still isn't) entirely impossible, but the chances of succeeding in that sort of career are incredibly slim for anyone. But imagining you had been successful, so many other factors would have had to go in your favour for you to have had a relationship with your CO:

  • Both you and him being single at the same time
  • Both of you being able to commit to a serious relationship (which can be very difficult for famous people, what with travelling, busy schedules, etc.)
  • Both of you being in the same place at the same time for long enough to actually get to know each other well enough to start a relationship

I hope that doesn't sound too harsh - I just don't want you to carry on torturing yourself over something that really only ever had a tiny chance of happening. If it helps, I think it's the same for all of us with COs. There's always going to be something holding us back. I've got the first of those bullet points going in my favour, but unfortunately I can't say the same about the other two...

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@Audrey822 I think you definitely did the right thing in giving your husband the ultimatum. It wouldn't be healthy to just let him continue treating you disrespectfully, while keeping all the hurt and anger inside. Much better to get things out in the open so you can work towards getting on better with each other again. Couple's therapy seems to be focused on "rekindling the romance" - as that's not your goal, I agree with you that it probably wouldn't be a great idea for you and your husband to try it. I just hope that, whatever you decide, your situation improves from how it is now. :hugs:

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@OpalP25 One point that I personally never thought much about was "Both you and him being single at the same time". If my CO had never entered into a serious relationship, I think I would've had a hard time dating (should the opportunity arise) because it would've bothered me to be "tied down" while my CO was still available. So, in a way, it's almost a blessing in disguise that he's taken because now I'm forced to try to pursue someone else. I don't have to think "what if". What if I were more courageous and adventurous and just booked a plane ticket to his country and attended a show? < No longer worth pondering, and maybe I should consider that a relief. I always say "he's an ocean away, he's in another country, it couldn't have worked". But then I think about how many people my age travel, and I think about how nothing - absolutely nothing at all - is keeping me where I am. Nothing except for rather severe social anxiety. Now at least I know that any effort I could possibly make to be with my CO would be totally, unquestionably futile. 

If I sound optimistic right now, it's only because I'm grasping at straws. The truth is that - as all of you know - this obsession was never really about my CO and I getting together. That was only ever a fantasy - a fantasy that has now been ruined, for reasons I still don't fully understand. 

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1 hour ago, OpalP25 said:

@Audrey822 I think you definitely did the right thing in giving your husband the ultimatum. It wouldn't be healthy to just let him continue treating you disrespectfully, while keeping all the hurt and anger inside. Much better to get things out in the open so you can work towards getting on better with each other again. Couple's therapy seems to be focused on "rekindling the romance" - as that's not your goal, I agree with you that it probably wouldn't be a great idea for you and your husband to try it. I just hope that, whatever you decide, your situation improves from how it is now. :hugs:

Thanks, @OpalP25 ...that's all I want, too.  Just to make it better than where it is right now. 

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I'm feeling nostalgic today....about my CO.  

I was listening to my playlist, and I was thinking how I've been saying on here that it was his picture on the back of his band's 3rd album that caused all of this

That's mostly true.  But he had my attention before that.  

I was listening this morning to my playlist with his songs...got to thinking about one of his songs from the band's second album, which I already had about 6 months before the 3rd album came out.  There were two songs that he wrote and sang lead on that album.  One of his songs got some airplay on the local radio station (although it didn't do well on the music charts) and it was that song that made me have to have that album immediately.  I fell in love with that song!  I remember thinking (and possibly for the first time) about his pictures on the 2nd album,"hmmm, he's kinda cute!" but being able to go about my life unscathed.  Although, I also remember liking (very much) the way his voice sounded in the other song of his on that album -- the one that didn't get played on the radio.  I wouldn't have been able to describe it then, as a girl who just turned 11 (it was a much more innocent time, boys and girls!) but I can now:  he sounds SEXY.   His voice in the opening lines of that song is VERY SEXY.  ❤️

By the time that 3rd album came out, I was definitely ready for his picture on the back to throw me overboard.  He had my attention before, but before I'd seen his picture on the 3rd album I was always able to "recover." Once I saw that picture of him on the back of the 3rd album, he did something to me that I've never been able to get over.  Other mere crushes became cringeworthy, but he never did....and never will. ❤️

 

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2 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

@posie_riot I love the corgi!!!  But how did you get the photos to work?? 

I was going to test to see if I could get it to work, and I see they put back the little box that says "Insert other media" that was missing last week.  

Yay!

 

 

The "choose files" option is working for me now! Thank God, I can bring back the gifs :yay:

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5 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

 

  • Both you and him being single at the same time
  • Both of you being able to commit to a serious relationship (which can be very difficult for famous people, what with travelling, busy schedules, etc.)
  • Both of you being in the same place at the same time for long enough to actually get to know each other well enough to start a relationship

 

In addition to those very necessary elements you mentioned, I have to add one more obvious one....you'd have to hope that he is as attracted to you as you are to him.  This is not saying anyone is unattractive; but (for instance) there are any number of men in Hollywood that other women drool over, but they do nothing for me, because -- you know, my heart belongs to that man on the band's 3rd album cover. ❤️ Attractiveness is very subjective....I'm stating the obvious here.  (I'd like to think my CO would take one look at me and realize I'm the love of his life, fall madly in love, happily ever after and all that...but realistically, I might not do anything for him at all. ?)

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24 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

In addition to those very necessary elements you mentioned, I have to add one more obvious one....you'd have to hope that he is as attracted to you as you are to him.  This is not saying anyone is unattractive; but (for instance) there are any number of men in Hollywood that other women drool over, but they do nothing for me, because -- you know, my heart belongs to that man on the band's 3rd album cover. ❤️ Attractiveness is very subjective....I'm stating the obvious here.  (I'd like to think my CO would take one look at me and realize I'm the love of his life, fall madly in love, happily ever after and all that...but realistically, I might not do anything for him at all. ?)

I've said this before, but I'm not my CO's type. Plus I'm basically half his age and I look like a minor. Bad combination. Of course, in my fantasies, he's too in love with me to care about that! 

On a related note, my obsession with my CO gave me major body image issues. Not that I didn't have insecurities before, but I became very obsessive about my body once I realized that he probably wouldn't be attracted to me. I can't believe I let him have that much power over me. I wish I could say I've overcome that, but I haven't. And the worst part is that I might not have felt this way at all if he weren't such a...let's go with the word "dog". I'm making him sound bad, but it should be said. He's a real "ladies man" (*eye roll*...I'm being kind) and as someone who cared about him for his intellect and good heart, that aspect of his personality did me some damage. Of course, it all mostly comes down to my mental health issues in the end. 

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@posie_riot I'm so sorry he put you through all of that. But I don't buy into the "type" thing. It doesn't work that way for me, at least. I could round up 15 men that I find attractive, and they wouldn't necessarily be of the same "type" at all!  Maybe it's just me, but that's how I am. Maybe your CO is the same way....but maybe your best quality (in his eyes) would be how much you care for him. There's nothing wrong with that because, as we get older, looks fade. That's true for everyone. My CO is still a nice- looking man, but he was better looking in 1968...that's just common sense. I looked better when I was 28 years old, too. But my love for him has remained constant. ❤️That's the thing that (I'd like to think) counts the most.

 

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