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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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31 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

Want to hear something weird about the song I just spoke about (in the hidden contents above)?  

Remember about a week or so ago I said I'm a very superstitious person?

You know I was an 11-year old kid in 1967 when that song came out.  By the end of that summer, all those years ago, before I ever had a clue about this, I began to feel that song was bad luck for me....and I started to avoid it.  It didn't matter; my CO didn't sing lead on it...his songs were really the only ones that mattered to me all along anyway (and I love them.)  I like most of the other songs the band sang, but I would have forgotten all about this band a long time ago if not for him.  Of all the songs my CO's band sang, that one has never been a favorite (even though it was very popular with everyone else and reached #1 on the Billboard chart.)  

 

I know it's not really the same thing, but even though my CO is an actor, he has an amazing voice. He did a particularly great version of Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Simple Man," and I swear that's part of the reason my obsession started. I've always liked the song, but not enough to really think about. Since my obsession started, I swear it's on the radio more often, in TV shows more often... Everything. 

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@posie_riot It's always nice to hear that someone can understand and even relate to my rants. I re-read them and discover that I've garbled half my sentences, missing out words here there and everywhere, before we even get to the content! I feel selfish not wanting her to be super popular - isn't it ironic, being obsessed with someone but not even being a good fan who wishes every success on her! I can't imagine how it must feel when your CO is publicly in a relationship. I think wanting to feel special as you say is a large part of CO worship, which is why it tends to affect people with self esteem problems. We need to find something to replace it! Some way of feeling special. A creative project, a relationship (platonic, romantic, family, existing or new, with an individual or a community - anything), a job, an intellectual pursuit. It could even be something that comes from within. That seems impossible to me but if you're feeling better then maybe you are indeed finding that something! 

@dazedandconfused1 Don't apologise for the long reply. It's me that posts the friggen novellas and the one thing I find most reassuring here is being told I'm only doing what many of us here do so your post was good to read, thank you :). Though not for your sake of course as I feel your pain :( . An obsession on how many others guys are obsessed with her just felt like a new level of strange to me - above just being obsessed with her - but I guess its not that abnormal. Just feels it. 

@OpalP25 arrgh I know about creepy fans. This is why I have so many times before complained about feeling creepy myself. I think everything those guys think and 10 times more and more often too. I do get the feeling these days though that some fans of hers are as obsessed as I am. I've often wondered if some are lurking in this forum, not wanting to post because they read my posts and freak out that its about their CO (as I would!). There have been bits and pieces of evidence that her extraordinary unique persona and appearance has a tendency to attract rather strong crushes. And I'm exhibit A.

I really don't get about them being public with no shame though, as you say. I never on my facebook newsfeed see a friend post a comment on a celebrities page telling them they look hot so if one of my contacts did that one day it would stand out. My CO's creeps though seem to do this all the time so what do their FB friends think? I can think of one female friend for whom my CO seems to be an actual hero and role model and who would be horrified to see someone she knows out himself as one of the various weirdos who publicly objectify a hero of hers.

You say disrespectful to their partners or our partners. I will never have a partner and she isn't public about... oh god I don't want to think... apparently she doesn't have one. So it's more about being disrespectful of her hard work as most of the gushing is just about her looks, and indeed that is what first drew her to me and the larger part of my obsession so I'm not really any better, although after I discovered her work and general persona I loved her more and more.

@OpalP25 fully delusional people probably do have it easier at first. They are also more likely to act on their obsessions, more likely to lose real life relationships, jobs, friends or even end up as stalkers though maybe I'm stereotyping (no one who I've ever seen on this forum is close to fully delusional - if they were they wouldn't be on this forum as searching for this place suggests seeing it as a problem). This all means a real, serious crash of some sort is likely and I wouldn't want to be them when it happens. Sure being completely delusional could seem attractive in the short term but not in the long term.

@nothingatall7777 thanks for appreciating - I try to take an interest. I feel for you. But I'm out of ideas for knowing what to say. Can't even figure out what to do about my own obsession as you can tell and right now I have no life whatsoever so there's nothing between me and her. She fills an emptiness that otherwise would just be emptiness but ironically by taking over my mind stops me from being able to actively fill the emptiness. You have a life and a fiancee so there has to be something that can help. You getting therapy right now?

@Audrey822 Thanks Audrey. I know she'll always be more popular now and I'm really not managing to accept this, an inability that I hate myself more for. I have less willpower than anyone on earth, I know it. I cannot avoid a website for 5 minutes. I've managed to avoid the worst parts of reddit but not everything. From the bits I have seen the new interest in her is dying off but its still there and it comes back in smaller spikes regularly. I've avoided the actual comments. My emotions have been more level but my productivity is still completely gone. You triumphed over your OCD. You took control of your situation with your fantasy, making your fantasy concrete with your writing and through your plans for the poster and the album. You have more discipline than me. Your doing well even though no armour is perfect so obviously some things got through eventually. I don't even understand how I can have such a complete absence of willpower, motivation, discipline. It's like I don't WANT to get better or become a functional human being. Its not even 100% CO related. What is wrong with me? I've never been diagnosed with anything - am I just the world's number 1 most lazy useless spoiled brat. What would my CO think as one of the hardest working people in showbusiness it seems?

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11 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

@dazedandconfused1 It astounds me how some fans with partners act! Sometimes I wonder if their partners even look at their accounts, because if they did, surely it would not end well... Of course we all know too well that people in relationships can still be/become infatuated with a celebrity, but you'd think they'd try to be a bit more discreet about it. How could their partners possibly believe that someone they tweet about multiple times every single day is just a harmless crush?

 

Oh, yes. I'm not the kind of person who would tweet my CO endlessly, it is just not me. But my husband does look at my twitter account regularly, he follows so few people (he barely uses it) so my tweets would very much stand out in his timeline. Same on Facebook (although my CO only seems to use FB to promote the show, tour dates and any competitions they're running).  so I do consider what I'm saying on social media before I send it but that isn't just about my CO, it's about everything - on FB I have friends & family who don't know about my depression and anxiety - so I definitely censor what I write. Anyone who wanted to could spot a pattern though - when I have bad days, I just don't post online at all because I can't say what I want to say. This place and my blog have become my outlet. I worry about people finding this site because my username here is the username I use everywhere online, have done for 17 years. I had to think long and hard to come up with a blog name that wasn't connected to it.

Most of the people connecting with my CO on social media are in their late teens and are just so out there. They claim to be in love with these 4 guys but they have zero respect for them, some are definitely bordering on if not completely stalking one or more of the guys.

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6 hours ago, posie_riot said:

At the absolute height of my obsession, I could never have had a real-life relationship. First of all, it absolutely would not have been fair to whoever I was with. I'm referring now to the way I felt during the first year or so of my obsession, when I was totally one-track minded about him. Second of all, like you said, I had no romantic energy left for anyone else. There was a period of time, early on in my obsession, where I couldn't even look at other men. I had no interest whatsoever in anyone other than my CO. By late-2014, I had started to ease up on that a little. Not that it ever got much better for me though...as I'm sure you can imagine. I would say there were a good 15 months straight where the mere possibility of a real-life relationship would've been absurd. I was actually worried during that time, because I knew we'd never be together and I didn't quite know how to cope with that. I wondered then if I would end up going my whole life never feeling even remotely satisfied in love.  

Nowadays I've accepted that the possibility for happiness with another man does exist for me. I've been attracted to other men and have thought about other men since late-2014. But no man will ever compare to my CO, and that'll likely always leave me feeling bitter and wanting more. He's always going to be the gold standard that no one will ever measure up to. 

@Audrey822 and @posie_riot I'm glad some of you can relate! Having all consuming feelings for a CO can definitely get in the way of having a healthy, real relationship. In my case, I haven't accepted the possibility that happiness with a non-CO exists for me. I've dated a lot and never been happy. Not because they weren't my CO, but real life romance has always been a letdown for me. I think what it comes down to is that I have complete control over what happens with my CO in my fantasy world. Obviously, I could never have complete control over a real life relationship. Things could crumble at any moment and that's a scary thing. Real relationships take a lot of work, and having a CO is just way easier. lol I know that sounds crazy, but that's how I feel at this point. Not to say that if a seemingly great guy approaches me that I'm going to reject him, but I think I am done with actively looking for one.

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@HopelessRomantic2011 My therapist: "You know, no real man could ever live up to the (CO's name) of your daydreams, not even (CO's name) himself, right?"

Yes, I realize that, and I don't care. If I ever have to deal with facing the differences between the real man my CO is, vs. the fantasy I've cooked up of him over these decades, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. If I were faced with that scenario, I would take it that a very good, miraculous thing happened.  For now, and until then, I'm happy like this. ❤️

That's what's going on with you, too HR11. You've created, in your mind, an ideal man. And all women know, that species doesn't exist in the real world. ? (Perfect women don't either, guys!!) 

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@MysteryName You asked "What is wrong with me?" Nothing, except you feed yourself negative messages all the time. As long as you do that, it's going to be difficult for you to achieve anything positive ONLY because you keep hating on yourself. That's the main thing I see "wrong." If you asked me for advice, that's the first thing I'd tell you to stop. If you can stop doing that for a string of 3 days, see if you don't feel better on the 4th day. But really work at it!! If you catch yourself giving a negative message to yourself (lazy, useless, spoiled) turn it around and say something NICE about yourself...like the amazing taste you have in women, or how well you're traveled, or that you've volunteered to do earthquake relief...do you even realize how wonderful that is, even if you don't think your motives were "right"? You could have chosen any number of ways to get out of the house for awhile, but you chose that. Instead of beating yourself up all the time, take inventory of all the good things about MysteryName. You know they're there. I know they're there. If I knew you personally, I'll bet I could rattle off at least 30 more. 

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21 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

@HopelessRomantic2011 My therapist: "You know, no real man could ever live up to the (CO's name) of your daydreams, not even (CO's name) himself, right?"

Yes, I realize that, and I don't care. If I ever have to deal with facing the differences between the real man my CO is, vs. the fantasy I've cooked up of him over these decades, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. If I were faced with that scenario, I would take it that a very good, miraculous thing happened.  For now, and until then, I'm happy like this. ❤️

That's what's going on with you, too HR11. You've created, in your mind, an ideal man. And all women know, that species doesn't exist in the real world. ? (Perfect women don't either, guys!!) 

Not even just the ideal man, but the ideal romantic situation(s). Not to say that everything is always happy in my fantasies/stories because that would be boring. Of course there's conflict, but I know that I'm going to resolve it in a way that satisfies me. And if I get bored with my COs (which I do), I just switch to another CO. It's perfect!

So yeah, now you see why I can't be with a real man! lol :)

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48 minutes ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Not even just the ideal man, but the ideal romantic situation(s). Not to say that everything is always happy in my fantasies/stories because that would be boring. Of course there's conflict, but I know that I'm going to resolve it in a way that satisfies me. [snip] It's perfect!

So yeah, now you see why I can't be with a real man! lol :)

Yes, all this too (especially what I put in bold letters, and snipped out one little bit that really didn't apply.) 

I may as well write fairy tales* for 5-year olds or scripts for Disney movies!! ?

*I had to edit to add this: I actually put my spin on a re-write of Cinderella a couple of years ago. (LOL) It's not the exact story as the one we know so well...in this re-write, the main characters are involved in a community theater that's putting on the play "Cinderella" ...but there's some play on words to the Cinderella story in what really happens between them beyond the acting. ❤️

Edited by Audrey822
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Hi Mila. I am feeling sad and hurt today because I can't help but think of how many things you probably see all the time of people acting like they admire you the most. It makes me feel so random and insignificant as things relating to you often do. If you're out there reading, please don't see me as just another. Please. I swear I love you the most. I try not to care about other people and what they think but its because of all of them that you may view me in a way I would never want you to. I want to feel special but right now I feel more ordinary and random than ever and it really hurts.

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On the subject of having a CO as well as a real-life relationship, well, I've tried that and failed miserably! I hate admitting this now, but I really did want to make things work with my ex. At the time, he honestly seemed liked the only choice I had if I didn't want to stay single forever (still haven't really been proven wrong on that). The problem was I never had any romantic feelings for him, whereas I certainly did (and do) for my CO. Based on the relationships I'd seen in my family, I kidded myself that what I had with my boyfriend was just a "realistic relationship", and to expect anything more than that was asking for miracles to happen. Therefore I tried to get rid of my obsession, hoping that by doing so I would get rid of the dissatisfaction I felt with my real-life relationship. Of course, all that did was make me feel worse...

The last time I was obsessed with someone I actually knew was ages ago now. I've already talked about him at length on here last year, but he was someone I'd known since early childhood, who I had an on/off crush on between the ages of 11 and 16 (and I wasn't truly over him for at least another couple of years after that). It was in the autumn of 2011 that we ended up spending a lot more time together. That was when the crush turned into full-blown passionate love. Looking back, maybe I wasn't truly in love with him... He obviously wasn't "the one", although I had firmly believed he was. I should have known all along that he would end up breaking my heart.

However I can honestly say that that period of time was the only true dormant phase in my obsession with my CO. I think if I had got together with that guy, the obsession would have faded away pretty quickly. Whether it would have returned later, I'm not sure. But the inevitable rejection brought me straight back into fantasy land again - my CO was the only thing that got me through the heartbreak and humiliation. And the obsession got much stronger as a result. Now I seem to have lost the ability to fall for anyone I actually know... Not sure whether that's because I'm too obsessed with my CO, or because I'm too scared of rejection.

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20 hours ago, MysteryName said:

@posie_riot It's always nice to hear that someone can understand and even relate to my rants. I re-read them and discover that I've garbled half my sentences, missing out words here there and everywhere, before we even get to the content! I feel selfish not wanting her to be super popular - isn't it ironic, being obsessed with someone but not even being a good fan who wishes every success on her! I can't imagine how it must feel when your CO is publicly in a relationship. I think wanting to feel special as you say is a large part of CO worship, which is why it tends to affect people with self esteem problems. We need to find something to replace it! Some way of feeling special. A creative project, a relationship (platonic, romantic, family, existing or new, with an individual or a community - anything), a job, an intellectual pursuit. It could even be something that comes from within. That seems impossible to me but if you're feeling better then maybe you are indeed finding that something! 

Yeah I suppose it is pretty ironic, but not at all strange. It has to do with jealousy and wanting to feel special/needed. It definitely all comes down to low self-esteem in the end. That's me in a nutshell - jealousy, wanting to feel needed, low self-esteem. I can't say that I've found anything to replace my CO as a self-esteem booster. But it's surprising the effect that even just little accomplishments can have on a person's overall mood. My CO's relationship has been deeply upsetting me for over a year now. Earlier this year, I decided to crochet an afghan blanket for the first time in my life. It's funny how just the small amount of pride I feel from doing something like that actually does - looking back - make a difference. Not a huge difference, but little things help. Coming up with a new recipe helps. Finishing a book helps. These seem like such insignificant accomplishments, but they work to brighten my overall outlook more than I'm consciously aware of in the moment. I remember you mentioning that your friend enjoyed the game you're creating. That game is a huge accomplishment, even if you don't end up finishing it. Just that visit from your friend did help you. Most of the time we don't even realize when we're moving in a better direction. The natural need that many of us have to see our success and progress clearly laid out in front of us can make life feel so overwhelming. You never know how a seemingly insignificant experience or accomplishment will change you, over time. That's something to keep in mind when you do your earthquake relief volunteering. By the way, none of my volunteering has been for altruistic reasons either. Not that I'm not happy to help others - it's just that my primary motivation was always to have something on my resume. That's normal. Don't beat yourself up over your motivations. Think of how many people don't volunteer at all. 

12 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

@MysteryName You asked "What is wrong with me?" Nothing, except you feed yourself negative messages all the time. As long as you do that, it's going to be difficult for you to achieve anything positive ONLY because you keep hating on yourself. That's the main thing I see "wrong." If you asked me for advice, that's the first thing I'd tell you to stop. If you can stop doing that for a string of 3 days, see if you don't feel better on the 4th day. But really work at it!! If you catch yourself giving a negative message to yourself (lazy, useless, spoiled) turn it around and say something NICE about yourself...like the amazing taste you have in women, or how well you're traveled, or that you've volunteered to do earthquake relief...do you even realize how wonderful that is, even if you don't think your motives were "right"? You could have chosen any number of ways to get out of the house for awhile, but you chose that. Instead of beating yourself up all the time, take inventory of all the good things about MysteryName. You know they're there. I know they're there. If I knew you personally, I'll bet I could rattle off at least 30 more. 

^ I agree with Audrey. I also need to take this advice myself, and trust me - I know how hard it is. Your biggest problem is the way you treat yourself and talk down to yourself. Can I just say that I would never have the courage to do all that travelling on my own the way you have, and that one fact alone makes you an interesting person. Ditto the earthquake relief volunteering. Of all the volunteer opportunities you probably could've found, that is quite special. Not everyone has it in them to just pick up and head off to another place like that and experience such a wildly different lifestyle and environment. Give yourself credit for that. 

Edited by posie_riot
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Sorry I've not posted for a week or so, my internet was down until a couple of days ago.

 

My first week at college was actually so good! :smile:

Even though I was only there for about 5 and a half hours, like every week, it's still so much fun and I am so excited to be able to do this. My anxiety was okay for it, Monday was a bit bad, but once I'm there I am absolutely fine, same with Wednesday, though anxiety was better.

The thing I love about it is already, I feel confidence gaining, I feel happier generally. I actually feel able to talk to people, sort of. I am the worse at conversations but I don't feel overly awkward about being in them. I feel able to say answers in class out loud too, which again is something I never do.

My COs have already gone down a little, my older one, has come back the last few days but my most recent one has gone down quite a bit at the moment. My recent one got flared up the other day when he said that I was "very sweet" on Twitter after a Tweet conversation between me and some of the cast members of his new show. :inlove: That also has made my week even better. 

 

College already has made me feel more confident and I am feeling a little happier with life already! :smilingteeth:

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Feeling pretty depressed tonight. Nothing to do with my CO. This is real life-inspired depression. I don't know the exact moment things got this bad. They weren't always. I could at least once say my husband and I were friends in spite of the lack of a physical relationship. Now, even that's gone. 

We went out to eat tonight with one of our sons. All 3 of us were involved in a conversation about something that had been in the news. I was in the middle of making a point about the topic, I hadn't just started speaking so it's not like my husband started talking at the same time as me...he just looked at our son and started talking as if I was invisible...seemingly unaware of interrupting me (or not caring.)

That was 3 hours ago. I haven't said one word to him since, and I don't even think he's noticed that or wonders why. 

I want out of this life, but it's too late to walk away from this marriage. What would I do for an alternative? If the problem is that I'm ignored (and untouched) how will my circumstances be improved by leaving? I keep saying it's too late to find another man who would want an almost 61 year old woman, and no one -- not even my therapist, has ever said well, you never know... Yeah, I do know. 60-70 year old men date 45-50 year old women. My chance for life is over. The only way out for me is death. 

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I'm sorry @Audrey822. I wish I knew the right thing to say. The most I can say is that you have every right to feel depressed about the way you're being treated in your marriage. That type of subtle, yet blatant disrespect sounds infuriating. There is no clear conflict to work out and resolve. It's total indifference on his end, and that can't be easy to put up with. It's like a slow, silent form of torture. 

You are still young. Seriously, you are. You are not a hopeless case. I can't tell you whether or not you should end your marriage, but I do believe that you should feel free to make decisions based on what is best for you and your mental health. I know that a chance for a better life still exists for you, with or without another person. I strongly believe that. You are a thoughtful, caring person with a lot of love to give and you should be surrounded with people who are willing to receive it. 

Virtual hugs coming your way... :hugs:

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@Audrey822 I second everything @posie_riot has already said. Your husband's behaviour is completely disrespectful towards you and you shouldn't have to put up with it. I feel so sad and angry that this is happening to you, as I see the same thing happening in my parents' marriage too. My dad constantly interrupts my mum (and sometimes me and my sister too), tries to finish her sentences for her, and "mansplains" things. My parents are around the same age as you, so I wonder if that sort of behaviour is related to sexism. Men of that generation grew up thinking they were superior to women and that attitude's been ingrained into them, even if they say they believe in equality. It seems to be second nature for some of them to treat women as beneath them.

I do believe there's still hope for you to find a better life, I really do. Sending you lots and lots of hugs. :hugs:

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Thank you both so much, @posie_riot and @OpalP25

I don't know what I can do (but I've been thinking about options, and not for the first time.) Thing is, I don't have a job, and it's been a very long time since I had one that brought in decent money. Age is going to be a factor there as well...how would I support myself if I leave? Along those lines, this was a thought I had last night: I wonder if he realizes this too, and he doesn't bother to make the effort to treat me better because what can I do about it anyway?

I wish these things wouldn't happen right before a therapy appointment (tomorrow.) I know I'm going to be tempted to talk about this when she asks how I'm doing...and I never know if it's a mistake, if I'll be opening a can of worms by bringing up something like this.  Will she try to talk me into couples counseling again? (do not want) ...tell me it's because I've been "stepping out on my marriage" with my CO? (? I wish.) 

I have a lot of thinking to do.  My sons will never understand this either. There's that to deal with. 

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Popping in to announce that I'm already feeling stronger this morning...thanks to @posie_riot and @OpalP25 again for your support.  I really appreciate it.  

When I was struggling mightily with self-punishment in mid-August, right before another therapy session (in which I was also indecisive whether to mention what I was going through, but did.  I even posted about it here)  I finally listened to the lyrics to that song  by EWF that I speak about so often:

You can choose 
Not to Lose
Find your Groove
and Be a Winner 

Those words were written -- along with James Newton Howard and Valerie Carter -- by my mentor (and the best teacher and therapist I've ever had), Maurice White (RIP) of EWF ....and on that day, about 6 weeks ago, it was almost like he spoke to me from the grave when I needed to hear those words the most.  I've known and loved that song for 35 years, but finally I took those words in ...and I would feel like I'm letting him down if I slip again.  I have to stay strong, I will not have another pity party.  Whatever I do to survive this, even if I stay where I am, I will do it with dignity....and I will be OK.  I will BE A WINNER

Probably for the 154th time, I am posting the song in this thread again. Just because it means that much to me, and it saves me over and over and over again.  

God Bless Maurice White.  ??

 

 

 

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@Audrey822 I'm sorry to hear about what happened with your husband. It sounds like this was far from the first time if you're thinking so seriously about ending the marriage. I think that maybe the reason your husband didn't notice (or care, whatever the case may be) that you weren't talking to him is because he's comfortable and assumes that if you've stayed this long, you won't leave now. I don't want to sound harsh, but if it's anything like my parents' marriage, the kids are the only reason either of you have stayed for some time now. Obviously there are benefits to leaving and benefits to staying, which I'm sure you've thought about at length. It's not exactly conventional, but have you considered separating but still living together? Maybe without the expectations of affection, consideration, and things like that, it could relieve the tension while being a "safe" place for your family to still be a family and actually make you and him more civil toward each other. I'm sure it would also take some pressure off of you if you were free to enjoy your obsession without the guilt. I think it's safe to say that if this is making you this unhappy, something has to change. Obviously it's up to you what that change is, but I think you have plenty of support on this forum no matter what route you take.  

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Yes, it all comes down to low self-esteem in the end. But improving your self-esteem takes time, and if you are obsessed with the life of another(famous) person, it's pretty hard to live your own life and improve yourself. I know that because I am(or was) obsessed with an actress, but I'm slowly getting over it(thank God!).

So if you are obsessed with an actor/actress and want to get over it, here is some advice that I hope will help you:

He/she is not perfect, they just are presented that way to the public. "Oh, but I watched all his/her interviews and he/she is so honest, hardworking, down-to-earth, and nice" you say. Well, have you ever heard of PR/Image managers? Here is a small text I found on the internet:

"Typically, a star’s image manager is supposed to do everything she or he possibly can to ensure that the client appears to be the most honest, hardworking, down-to-earth and decent person in an industry not really famous for these virtues.

Duties include deciding which channels or publications the star gives interviews to, telling the star what to say in those interviews, ensuring that the media does not ‘misquote’ the star or come up with a negative story, etc."

They even tell their client how to act in public sometimes, as this other small text I found on the internet, about a celebrity, shows you: “By the way, it goes that Vicky has not turned into a wretch – she just stopped smiling in public after her image makers had advised her to do so. Their point was that the smile did not make her face attractive. What do you think about it, should Victoria follow their recommendations?”

Hell, there is even a technique to “smile with your eyes” to make their smile look more genuine!

And guess what? Every big name actor/actress/singer/celebrity has a PR/Image manager. That's something pretty normal among the 'stars'.

"Oh, but he/she is so pretty!" you say. Yes, I'm pretty sure the makeup they use during their movies, interviews and events make them look much more beautiful than they really are. That's the reason makeup was invented, you know. Try finding some(rare) pictures of him/her without any makeup, to see how they really look like. You will be surprised of how many of them look like avarage people. 

At the end of the day, most of what you see is a constructed image to attract people's attentions. It's not real, and you shouldn't waste yout time admiring this publicity stunt.

 

Remember those things, and try to stay away from everything related to your celebrity crush and everything that reminds you of him/her. Sooner or later, your obsession will be gone.

Edited by Anon30
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12 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

Thank you both so much, @posie_riot and @OpalP25

I don't know what I can do (but I've been thinking about options, and not for the first time.) Thing is, I don't have a job, and it's been a very long time since I had one that brought in decent money. Age is going to be a factor there as well...how would I support myself if I leave? Along those lines, this was a thought I had last night: I wonder if he realizes this too, and he doesn't bother to make the effort to treat me better because what can I do about it anyway?

I wish these things wouldn't happen right before a therapy appointment (tomorrow.) I know I'm going to be tempted to talk about this when she asks how I'm doing...and I never know if it's a mistake, if I'll be opening a can of worms by bringing up something like this.  Will she try to talk me into couples counseling again? (do not want) ...tell me it's because I've been "stepping out on my marriage" with my CO? (? I wish.) 

I have a lot of thinking to do.  My sons will never understand this either. There's that to deal with. 

It is a lot to think about. I mentioned awhile back that my mom is in pretty much the same scenario, as far as not being able to support herself. I've seen how hard it is. It might not be so bad to bring this up in therapy. You can shoot her down if she gives you the same suggestions as before. Talking it through with another person might help you to organize your thoughts in a way that might help you, should you later decide to communicate the issue with your sons. It's a tough spot to be in, definitely. You always have us to talk to or rant to :console:

I'm chair dancing to "Shining Star" now :thumbs-up:

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@dazedandconfused1 what you suggested is pretty much how I've been living for most of this marriage; I've long ago given up any expectations of "affection" and he doesn't expect anything from me. Also, my sons are adults now...but that doesn't mean they wouldn't have strong feelings about this, which I'm sensitive toward. I don't know if there's ever a good time to hear that your parents aren't compatible anymore. 

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19 minutes ago, posie_riot said:

It is a lot to think about. I mentioned awhile back that my mom is in pretty much the same scenario, as far as not being able to support herself. I've seen how hard it is. It might not be so bad to bring this up in therapy. You can shoot her down if she gives you the same suggestions as before. Talking it through with another person might help you to organize your thoughts in a way that might help you, should you later decide to communicate the issue with your sons. It's a tough spot to be in, definitely. You always have us to talk to or rant to :console:

I'm chair dancing to "Shining Star" now :thumbs-up:

I think I may bring it up. I recognize I'm stronger now than I was in 2014, and I should be strong enough to shoot down suggestions that are wrong for me. Thank you. :hugs: Your Shining Star dance comment made me smile. ??⭐️

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1 hour ago, Anon30 said:

Remember those things, and try to stay away from everything related to your celebrity crush and everything that reminds you of him/her. Sooner or later, your obsession will be gone.

I guess that explains why I remained obsessed by my CO even though I didn't even know if he was still alive for decades. After 1969, there were no more articles, after 1973, no more new music. There was (of course) no Internet, no YouTube, no social media. Between 1980-2013, I couldn't even continue to play the music by him I owned because it was on vinyl and I no longer had a turntable. But he stayed in my heart all that time, nevertheless...waiting (in a way) for me to find that music again on iTunes (the recordings for the band he played in were not re-issued on CDs until 2013.) All that time in between, my dreams of him may have been dormant at times, but never gone. I fell in love with him in 1967, and there has never been a day since then that I have not loved him. ❤️

I'm sorry, but I think I just disproved your theory. 

Edited by Audrey822
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@Audrey822 - I'm sorry your husband did this to you. I can really only echo what the others have said and offer you a massive :hugs:I understand that feeling of being trapped by circumstance, maybe talking to your therapist might help, like Posie said, to organise your thoughts more and you are strong enough to say no to her suggestions if you want to. Hope the appointment today goes well. :hugs:

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