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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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@dazedandconfused1 Some of the fans of my CO make me cringe too! If men of their age acted that way about a woman of my CO's age, they would definitely be seen as very creepy (which is a bit of an unfair double standard). But seriously, they have no filter. Many of them use their real names and post pictures of themselves on their accounts, and yet they don't feel embarrassed about posting their sexual thoughts for everyone to read (it's never graphic or anything, but still, most people would think twice before writing that sort of thing)... I mean, the most I'm willing to do is post here, without revealing either my own name or my CO's!

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Hi, Mila. If you're out there reading today, I hope you can feel me thinking about you. You weigh very heavy on my mind today. No matter how long this goes on, the ache to have my day with you and hold you and feel your lips on mine never gets any less intense. I have a life and a family that you are ruining so please PLEASE give me what I crave so I can get back to it. You have been in my heart since I was a teenager and I swear I loved you first and the most! I just want to say that I know what its like to hold and kiss you..i want to be able to say that if you saw me, you would know who I am. I need some kind of recognition from you Mila. Please help me baby. I dont want to be seen as another fantasizer.. I want to be special to you..good enough..what you'd like. Please set me free.

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6 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

@dazedandconfused1 Some of the fans of my CO make me cringe too! If men of their age acted that way about a woman of my CO's age, they would definitely be seen as very creepy (which is a bit of an unfair double standard). But seriously, they have no filter. Many of them use their real names and post pictures of themselves on their accounts, and yet they don't feel embarrassed about posting their sexual thoughts for everyone to read (it's never graphic or anything, but still, most people would think twice before writing that sort of thing)... I mean, the most I'm willing to do is post here, without revealing either my own name or my CO's!

I know... I find it so odd that anyone can be okay with just putting it all out there like that. I think part of the reason I struggle with my obsession so much is because when I see on Facebook/Twitter/whatever that so many people (both men and women) are okay with basically drooling over celebrities for everyone to see... Including their real-life partners. As silly as it probably sounds coming from someone on this forum,  I think it's a bit disrespectful of real-life relationships. Obviously everyone can post whatever they want and that's not for me to judge, but I feel that for me personally, some things are better left private.

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@dazedandconfused1 @OpalP25 On a somewhat related note, I also find it disrespectful to the celebrities' real-life partners. I often felt crazier than my CO's other fans for being so heartbroken whenever he was in a relationship because the rest of them never seemed to care at all. But eventually I realized that, for me, I did actually see him as taken when he wasn't single. That wouldn't necessarily have stopped me from fantasizing or even gushing about him to people in private. But it would definitely have stopped me from gushing about him publicly, online, where he and his significant other could see. I think "groupies" in general have a tendency to go way over-the-top with things like this. It's like they see their CO as just this fantasy figure - like a character in a movie - instead of as a real person. There's no connection to reality for them, which is probably how they manage to not have their hearts broken. Perhaps the key to not getting your heart broken is to actually be truly delusional, instead of maybe just half-delusional :upside:

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14 minutes ago, dazedandconfused1 said:

I know... I find it so odd that anyone can be okay with just putting it all out there like that. I think part of the reason I struggle with my obsession so much is because when I see on Facebook/Twitter/whatever that so many people (both men and women) are okay with basically drooling over celebrities for everyone to see... Including their real-life partners. As silly as it probably sounds coming from someone on this forum,  I think it's a bit disrespectful of real-life relationships. Obviously everyone can post whatever they want and that's not for me to judge, but I feel that for me personally, some things are better left private.

Here I go being complicated again.  I messed up in the "real-life relationship" department.  Furthermore, I've lived almost all of my life in an alternative universe -- the setting in my head where the maladaptive daydream starring my alter-ego and CO takes place. Their lives have been lived out in my head.... a day-to-day, hour by hour life just as real people live in real life, only it's in my  head and going on simultaneously with my own real life.  They do the same things real people would, work, play, have meals together...and yes, sex.  But I would never discuss the details (especially along with names) online because I do respect his privacy too much.  He never asked for any of this.  I consider he was/is just a man who enjoys playing music, a long time ago he wound up in a band that was lucky enough to have a string of hit records...and a few of those records, one in particular, found their way into my hands (boom.)  That's not his fault, it's all me.  

I don't want to dwell on this too much, because I do still need the fantasy and ignoring the real-life stuff is important to doing that....but...it's one thing to choose to ignore the reality.  It's another thing to deny it.  I'm not delusional.  I can't unknow what I now know, what I learned 3 years ago.  Before then, I didn't know, now I do. The fact that I have to work so hard to ignore it proves I'm not in denial about it.  To put all this out there the way it goes on in my head....

yes, it would be disrespectful to....others.  They're not together anymore, but there were consequences of that...and therefore, it would be disrespectful.

 

Where is that damned poster???  ??✂️??

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@dazedandconfused1 It astounds me how some fans with partners act! Sometimes I wonder if their partners even look at their accounts, because if they did, surely it would not end well... Of course we all know too well that people in relationships can still be/become infatuated with a celebrity, but you'd think they'd try to be a bit more discreet about it. How could their partners possibly believe that someone they tweet about multiple times every single day is just a harmless crush?

@posie_riot It's true that the fully-delusional people don't tend to get their hearts broken... But I suppose that's because they don't really respect their COs as human beings. You're right that they just see these celebrities as fantasy figures made for their own entertainment, rather than real people with private lives of their own. Maybe they have Celebrity Worship Syndrome!

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@OpalP25 Except for here, I'm very discreet, always have been ...but the dots could certainly be connected. I just can't believe my husband would find the whole story anything but funny at best and pathetic at worst. I'm in no danger of being thrown out on the street over it, I can assure you...nor would he be if the tables were reversed (I have to say, I'd be very happy to learn he's sexually attracted to any woman at this point.) I'm protective more over the idea he would find it pathetic, and the things he might say if that was the case.

That Victoria's Secret "joke" he made a couple of years ago? (I posted about it on here a couple of times, even right after it happened in early July 2014.) I recently learned things like that are another form of emotional abuse. I guess cycles keep repeating. 

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So, I'm sitting here outside this afternoon...a nice early Fall day. ? The first day under 90° we've had. I was waiting for the mailman, but he brought no poster today. ? Ironic thought: the song that has the lyrics on the poster was playing on my iPhone, just as the mailman walked away. I just to post that when I realized it. ?

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@OpalP25 I think there is definitely some Celebrity Worship Syndrome going on in my CO's fan base. I constantly have to remind myself that they're not seeing or accepting my CO for who he really is. If I don't remind myself of that, then I'll just end up thinking that there's something more seriously wrong with me than there really is. These people completely deny anything negative about my CO, or downplay anything negative to the max. This isn't to preserve a mental fantasy, the way many of us here probably have done. These people believe wholeheartedly in the validity of their re-written reality. They do this instead of just accepting that he's a human being with flaws. You can see how this sort of it makes it seem at times like they're "better" fans than me...because I do react negatively to my CO, whereas everything negative just seems to fly over their heads. There's no ignoring happening here with them, like what you do @Audrey822. It's total denial. If they knew how to separate fantasy and reality, and could ignore the reality, they probably wouldn't be throwing themselves at him the way they do in real life. I hope that made a lick of sense haha. 

This is what I mean when I (half-jokingly) refer to them as "delusional". They're in denial about who my CO really is as a person. They don't see his status - single or taken - as particularly relevant to anything. They hold him to a completely different standard than they would any other person. They hold their own actions towards him to a completely different standard than what would be considered "normal" in the real world. It's one thing to act out a pretend fantasy in your mind (most of us here do that), but it's another thing to actually involve the celebrity - as well as the celebrity's friends, family, girlfriends etc. - in that fantasy. I don't even think they realize they're living in a fantasy. That's why it seems weird to us when fans - who are themselves married or in a relationship - start drooling over our CO's publicly. It appears to us like the line between fantasy and reality has awkwardly been crossed. But for them, there is no line. It's all like a fun, innocent game to them. As far as they're concerned, there is no "reality" behind the celebrity or his family and personal life. 

I wasn't expecting to go on such a rant about that! It's something I've been observing and thinking about for a long time.

 

Edited by posie_riot
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@posie_riot It absolutely makes sense. It's what I think my therapist didn't completely realize about me until that moment I put my foot down in that June session, because she was messing me up so badly. 

When I came in so upset after having seen that picture in April,  

I think she wasn't understanding it. It didn't mean I don't know where the line is between the fantasy and reality; I DO

What went wrong at that point was, I now had a strong, very unpleasant visual to go along with the reality that would be 1000x more difficult to stuff down and ignore.

 

For the next few sessions, every exercise she was giving me was an attempt to make me face the reality. I didn't need to face it to know it exists, I didn't want to/don't want to face it. I'm not going to mess up anyone's real life...I know where the line is.  But I don't want my fantasy messed up, so stop rubbing my nose in the reality! I needed to get back to ignoring it. And now, I have. 

That said, if I thought that man could/would actually want me without me making a fool out of myself to have him...well, that's a story for another day. But we all know, I have a better chance at winning the lottery. I'm not the first or only girl who fell in love with him over these almost-50 years; he's heard this all before, no doubt. I'm also not in denial over the idea that there's anything special about me. I only fantasize about that, too. Of course, we're soulmates...he'd recognize me immediately. ❤️

I'm just doomed to this life for some damned reason. I'm supposed to respect a spouse who doesn't know I exist 90% of the time? OK. 

Please don't ask me to respect anyone besides him on his end.

Where in the hell is that damned poster????? ??✂️??

I respect HIM. isn't that enough?❤️

Does that make sense?

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@Audrey822 Honestly, I don't respect my CO's partner either. I can pretend to respect her to keep myself from embarrassing myself publicly, but it's a lie. I'm following societal convention by "respecting" her. 

Edit: By publicly, I mean outside this thread!

Edited by posie_riot
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23 minutes ago, posie_riot said:

@Audrey822 Honestly, I don't respect my CO's partner either. I can pretend to respect her to keep myself from embarrassing myself publicly, but it's a lie. I'm following societal convention by "respecting" her. 

Edit: By publicly, I mean outside this thread!

Fortunately for me, there's no discussion about any of this anywhere for me to even have to pretend to respect anyone other than the band members themselves. Besides, as I said, it's all in the past....in spite of the fact that it still bothers me. ?

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@Audrey822 What always kills me is the innocent comments from regular people beneath online news articles. Comments along the lines of: "I'm so happy for them/him!" or "I wish them the best of luck!" or my personal favourite: "This will be the making of him"

Is it too much to ask that everyone keep their HAPPY thoughts to THEMSELVES? :lookaround:

It's amazing how bothered I would always get by random people's completely meaningless words. 

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My feelings for my current COs (I have two) are a bit dysfunctional. I think it's just because I'm working on a new story right now and in order to write it, I have to completely immerse myself into thinking about them constantly in order to remain inspired. So that's what I've been doing. It's been fun for me like it always is, but I feel like I have no romantic energy left to direct towards a real person. Luckily I'm single, but I can't imagine having a CO and a real life partner at the same time. I actually don't feel a desire to date or be romantically involved with anyone when I'm very immersed in a CO like I am right now. Like I said, I know that's dysfunctional, but that's how I feel. 

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9 minutes ago, posie_riot said:

@Audrey822 What always kills me is the innocent comments from regular people beneath online news articles. Comments along the lines of: "I'm so happy for them/him!" or "I wish them the best of luck!" or my personal favourite: "This will be the making of him"

Is it too much to ask that everyone keep their HAPPY thoughts to THEMSELVES? :lookaround:

It's amazing how bothered I would always get by random people's completely meaningless words. 

I feel for you @posie_riot. You're not alone in this.  Not at all  :hugs: ....everything you've said, I feel it too.  We don't have the exact same triggers, but I have them.  All these things that annoy you...they're not the same things that annoy me, but I sure do understand if I put myself in your place.   If my CO were as famous as yours, if fans were doing that same thing fans of your CO are doing, I would feel the same way you do.  There's nothing unusual about the way you feel about that...you love him, and it annoys you that these other people (who can't possibly know how you feel (but still!) won't keep these comments (innocent to them, hurtful to you) to themselves.  

I know this would be hard...I know this would take a LOT of discipline, but if I were you, I would try very hard not to read those comments.  You have to take care of YOU -- this sort of thing was very difficult for me in the beginning, but eventually I learned, I triumphed (mostly) over the OCD in that regard.  I couldn't let curiosity rule me.  The pain was too much and the payoff was too small.  

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34 minutes ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

My feelings for my current COs (I have two) are a bit dysfunctional. I think it's just because I'm working on a new story right now and in order to write it, I have to completely immerse myself into thinking about them constantly in order to remain inspired. So that's what I've been doing. It's been fun for me like it always is, but I feel like I have no romantic energy left to direct towards a real person. Luckily I'm single, but I can't imagine having a CO and a real life partner at the same time. I actually don't feel a desire to date or be romantically involved with anyone when I'm very immersed in a CO like I am right now. Like I said, I know that's dysfunctional, but that's how I feel. 

When I was romantically involved with a real-life person....I couldn't.  I've said all along, this has been an on again, off again thing.  During the times when, as a teenager, I was dating someone...and in the early couple of years of my marriage when I still had "romantic" feelings, I couldn't maintain those relationships and this, too.  Those were the times it was dormant.  (Mostly during the years when my babies were pre-school kids, too...because that would have felt weird.) 

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On 9/28/2016 at 6:42 AM, Audrey822 said:

@fabulousrockstar has your counselor suggested that you see a doctor for antidepressants?  For me, the right antidepressants make a HUGE difference between feeling the way you described and being able to get through the day.  If you're already on some kind of medication, you should tell the prescribing doctor how you've been feeling because your meds may need to be adjusted.  Just a suggestion. 

@Audrey822 I am currently on 3 psych meds. Bupropion for depression, Citalopram for anxiety, and Invega Sustenna for voices and hallucinations. Officially, I am diagnosed as schizoaffective. I have told my psych about my depression, but I don't think she's willing to adjust my meds because she's working with my PCP to watch my weight and keep me from getting diabetes.

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@posie_riot That's something I didn't think to mention, but it's true for me as well. I don't particularly like my CO's wife and I do think she's kinda leeching off of his success, but it isn't her fault that she married an attractive man that has tons of crazy fans. When I see some of the things they comment on pictures she posts of them together, I actually even feel a little sympathetic. And @Audrey822, I hope you didn't feel like I was insulting you or anything when I was discussing keeping things private and respectful. You know what's going on... You're not some crazy, dangerous person and you're not disrupting your CO's life. I don't really think your CO/alter ego situation is any more unhealthy than anyone else's story on this forum. That's why we're here, right? I've learned to understand a lot just in the few days I've been here.

Edited by dazedandconfused1
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@fabulousrockstar I'm glad to hear you're already on meds (I'm currently taking Bupropion, and took Citalopram before being switched to Fluoxetine...all work well)  but at least tell her how you've been feeling so she knows you've had bad days lately. 

@posie_riot I can't even take my own advice.  I didn't expect this though.  I was just reading the "Artist Info" page about the band on iTunes.  I have no idea why; it's not as if iTunes is going to provide any information I don't already know.  

 

They had to mention that #1 sang background on the band's second number-one hit.  I wonder if she's suddenly demanding royalties or something because for 45 years I saw nothing about this, and now I can't seem to escape seeing it. F*** that song.

I'm OK.  I'm in the middle of writing a beautiful story ❤️ believe me....this is not even going to be a speed bump.  Like I said, iTunes didn't tell me anything I didn't already know.  Just something I didn't want to see again. ? 

 

She's not even the one on the poster, but I might see if I can I'm going to order a copy of that song on 45 from eBay, just so I can smash it into pieces, too.  Yep, I will.  Closure is good. ?

Edited by Audrey822
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1 hour ago, Audrey822 said:

I feel for you @posie_riot. You're not alone in this.  Not at all  :hugs: ....everything you've said, I feel it too.  We don't have the exact same triggers, but I have them.  All these things that annoy you...they're not the same things that annoy me, but I sure do understand if I put myself in your place.   If my CO were as famous as yours, if fans were doing that same thing fans of your CO are doing, I would feel the same way you do.  There's nothing unusual about the way you feel about that...you love him, and it annoys you that these other people (who can't possibly know how you feel (but still!) won't keep these comments (innocent to them, hurtful to you) to themselves.  

I know this would be hard...I know this would take a LOT of discipline, but if I were you, I would try very hard not to read those comments.  You have to take care of YOU -- this sort of thing was very difficult for me in the beginning, but eventually I learned, I triumphed (mostly) over the OCD in that regard.  I couldn't let curiosity rule me.  The pain was too much and the payoff was too small.  

Thank you for being so supportive. It really does help. I don't read those comments anymore, but the ones I did used to read are pretty firmly etched into my mind. It sounds ridiculous but those comments almost feel insulting to me. That's almost what it feels like when I read them. I would never admit such a thing outside of this thread, that's for sure. I wish my CO weren't so famous. Of all the men I've fallen for over the years, why did I have to fall so hard for him? Why couldn't I fall for some D-list nobody who is never in the news? Sigh. 

Edited by posie_riot
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9 minutes ago, dazedandconfused1 said:

@posie_riot That's something I didn't think to mention, but it's true for me as well. I don't particularly like my CO's wife and I do think she's kinda leeching off of his success, but it isn't her fault that she married an attractive man that has tons of crazy fans. When I see some of the things they comment on pictures she posts of them together, I actually even feel a little sympathetic. And @Audrey822, I hope you didn't feel like I was insulting you or anything when I was discussing keeping things private and respectful. You know what's going on... You're not some crazy, dangerous person and you're not disrupting your CO's life. I don't really think your CO/alter ego situation is any more unhealthy than anyone else's story on this forum. That's why we're here, right? I've learned to understand a lot just in the few days I've been here.

Nope, I didn't take it that way at all.  Usually, I just pick up on something someone said and expand on it from my own point of view, and that's what I did with your post.  I wasn't insulted at all!  :hugs:

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Want to hear something weird about the song I just spoke about (in the hidden contents above)?  

Remember about a week or so ago I said I'm a very superstitious person?

You know I was an 11-year old kid in 1967 when that song came out.  By the end of that summer, all those years ago, before I ever had a clue about this, I began to feel that song was bad luck for me....and I started to avoid it.  It didn't matter; my CO didn't sing lead on it...his songs were really the only ones that mattered to me all along anyway (and I love them.)  I like most of the other songs the band sang, but I would have forgotten all about this band a long time ago if not for him.  Of all the songs my CO's band sang, that one has never been a favorite (even though it was very popular with everyone else and reached #1 on the Billboard chart.)  

 

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2 hours ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

My feelings for my current COs (I have two) are a bit dysfunctional. I think it's just because I'm working on a new story right now and in order to write it, I have to completely immerse myself into thinking about them constantly in order to remain inspired. So that's what I've been doing. It's been fun for me like it always is, but I feel like I have no romantic energy left to direct towards a real person. Luckily I'm single, but I can't imagine having a CO and a real life partner at the same time. I actually don't feel a desire to date or be romantically involved with anyone when I'm very immersed in a CO like I am right now. Like I said, I know that's dysfunctional, but that's how I feel. 

At the absolute height of my obsession, I could never have had a real-life relationship. First of all, it absolutely would not have been fair to whoever I was with. I'm referring now to the way I felt during the first year or so of my obsession, when I was totally one-track minded about him. Second of all, like you said, I had no romantic energy left for anyone else. There was a period of time, early on in my obsession, where I couldn't even look at other men. I had no interest whatsoever in anyone other than my CO. By late-2014, I had started to ease up on that a little. Not that it ever got much better for me though...as I'm sure you can imagine. I would say there were a good 15 months straight where the mere possibility of a real-life relationship would've been absurd. I was actually worried during that time, because I knew we'd never be together and I didn't quite know how to cope with that. I wondered then if I would end up going my whole life never feeling even remotely satisfied in love.  

Nowadays I've accepted that the possibility for happiness with another man does exist for me. I've been attracted to other men and have thought about other men since late-2014. But no man will ever compare to my CO, and that'll likely always leave me feeling bitter and wanting more. He's always going to be the gold standard that no one will ever measure up to. 

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6 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

Want to hear something weird about the song I just spoke about (in the hidden contents above)?  

Remember about a week or so ago I said I'm a very superstitious person?

You know I was an 11-year old kid in 1967 when that song came out.  By the end of that summer, all those years ago, before I ever had a clue about this, I began to feel that song was bad luck for me....and I started to avoid it.  It didn't matter; my CO didn't sing lead on it...his songs were really the only ones that mattered to me all along anyway (and I love them.)  I like most of the other songs the band sang, but I would have forgotten all about this band a long time ago if not for him.  Of all the songs my CO's band sang, that one has never been a favorite (even though it was very popular with everyone else and reached #1 on the Billboard chart.)  

 

I believe that there is some supernatural significance to odd coincidences like that. I've experienced enough odd occurrences (often related to obsessions!) to convince me that "something else" is at work in my life, whatever that may be. As a matter of fact, I currently feel like I'm being followed by my CO's favourite number. For the past few months, I've been seeing it everywhere. I don't think I'm looking for it either. It's an awfully strange "coincidence". 

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