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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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14 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

I won't speak for anyone but myself...but since I might be the most outspoken married person here who is unapologetic about these fantasies (and outright stated that I would sneak out the back door and leave with my CO if he miraculously showed up) let me remind you that my marriage is not normal (I've also said it might be hours before anyone would realize I'm gone....maybe when the Call of Duty game ends and he's hungry, but that's about it.)  If you're a good husband to your wife, if you do everything you're supposed to do, I doubt she would be tempted to act on anything outside of your marriage.  That said, most men continue to have fantasies even after they're married -- it doesn't mean they'd act on anything either. ?

i am really sorry about the way your marriage is, i used to be a very naive and innocent dude and i believed in the stereotypicial love life/eternal fireworks... i know very well what you are saying, we are humans and it's biological to have more "attractions" during our lives, that we either control or do not ; i was just stating my paranoia/trust issues that might have emerged from the previous naivity...it's very hard to stop making scenarios in your head :(

i took love as something that is most pure and can't be questioned...can't remember who said this "you are a true atheist not when you deny only faith, but when you deny both faith and love" (or something like this) ...all i know is that without wishing love for myself in which i can find tranquility, i am just wasting oxygen until i kick the bucket.

Edited by Throwaway
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@MysteryName I'm sorry you've had such a horrible week. Don't worry about writing "mega rants" - this is the right place to do it! We all need to sound off about our CO related issues from time to time.

I can see why it was a shock for you to see your CO do a scene like that, especially when you'd always seen her as a sweet dorky girl. I wouldn't worry too much about those guys on reddit though. It's easy to get jealous when other people admire your CO, but I doubt they're really any sort of true competition to you. They probably just enjoy watching attractive actresses getting their clothes off, and have no real hopes and dreams of actually ending up with your CO.

Best of luck with your volunteering abroad. That's such a brave thing to do. No one who gives up their time to go and help people in need could ever be a pathetic person, believe me!

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19 minutes ago, OpalP25 said:

@MysteryName I'm sorry you've had such a horrible week. Don't worry about writing "mega rants" - this is the right place to do it! We all need to sound off about our CO related issues from time to time.

I can see why it was a shock for you to see your CO do a scene like that, especially when you'd always seen her as a sweet dorky girl. I wouldn't worry too much about those guys on reddit though. It's easy to get jealous when other people admire your CO, but I doubt they're really any sort of true competition to you. They probably just enjoy watching attractive actresses getting their clothes off, and have no real hopes and dreams of actually ending up with your CO.

Best of luck with your volunteering abroad. That's such a brave thing to do. No one who gives up their time to go and help people in need could ever be a pathetic person, believe me!

Thanks a lot for your support Opal! I did just need to let off steam and this is the only place I can.

I find her extremely attractive of course so enjoyed the scene itself! The first shock was basically seeing her go suddenly from relative obscurity to seemingly the number one most crushed on female celebrity on the internet. From the comments its not just guys perving - its a ton of guys who also had crushes on her that I simply didn't know about. The second shock was realising how bad this had affected me and how it makes me even more of a loser to be so affected by something so irrelevant to my "life".

I'm not volunteering for the right reasons though. I'm not an altruist. I'm selfish. I just ABSOLUTELY HAVE to get out of sitting around at my parents house. I am decaying. And, as the volunteer placement provides board and lodging, this was the only way of doing that without either spending all my money or risking rejection from a potential employer. While at the same time getting to see an interesting part of the world and feel a bit better about myself. Thanks for a good luck though, I may not be a saint but it'll be better than where I am now anyway. Not a permanent solution though. I'll have to come home again.

 

Edited by MysteryName
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13 hours ago, Throwaway said:

i don't know why but reading through the replies here has made me sad and my paranoia go nuts...reading that so many people here have husbands/wives but they fantasize a love/sex life with someone else...never had a girlfriend, but if i'd find the love of my life and i would find out that she has a celebrity crush with whom she would do so many things, i would probably be emotionally torn :( .

I've pondered how to answer this. I'm not going to lie, when I read it initially, I felt a bit judged, therefore my answer is probably quite defensive.

I am married, my husband is a lovely man, I am very lucky that way. But he is not the love of my life - he is a man who I love. I still love him, regardless of what is going on in my head, but after 16 years, it is not the all consuming passion it may once have been. Because I love him, I suffered from extreme guilt when I admitted my CO to myself, I would never tell my husband just how I feel about my CO for fear of hurting him. I do fantasize about a life with someone else but in that fantasy I am not me either - I am a better, less screwed up version of me with my dream job. It is a dream, I am very aware of that. I like to think of it as my safe space, there are far worse things I could be doing to avoid reality. 

My husband and I are the 'Friends' generation - we have a top 5, we've always been open about it. If he asked me tomorrow, I'd tell my husband who was in my top 5 (and it would include my CO) and he'd share his. He might not be obsessing about women in the same way as I am about my CO but of course he has celebrity crushes - if Gillian Anderson appears on screen, you can bet he stops what he's doing and watches her. For all I know, he's thinking about her when we have sex, I have no idea what goes on in his head any more than he does in mine.

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39 minutes ago, perfectcircle77 said:

I've pondered how to answer this. I'm not going to lie, when I read it initially, I felt a bit judged, therefore my answer is probably quite defensive.

I am married, my husband is a lovely man, I am very lucky that way. But he is not the love of my life - he is a man who I love. I still love him, regardless of what is going on in my head, but after 16 years, it is not the all consuming passion it may once have been. Because I love him, I suffered from extreme guilt when I admitted my CO to myself, I would never tell my husband just how I feel about my CO for fear of hurting him. I do fantasize about a life with someone else but in that fantasy I am not me either - I am a better, less screwed up version of me with my dream job. It is a dream, I am very aware of that. I like to think of it as my safe space, there are far worse things I could be doing to avoid reality. 

My husband and I are the 'Friends' generation - we have a top 5, we've always been open about it. If he asked me tomorrow, I'd tell my husband who was in my top 5 (and it would include my CO) and he'd share his. He might not be obsessing about women in the same way as I am about my CO but of course he has celebrity crushes - if Gillian Anderson appears on screen, you can bet he stops what he's doing and watches her. For all I know, he's thinking about her when we have sex, I have no idea what goes on in his head any more than he does in mine.

i really hope i haven't insulted anybody, it was not my intention :(. I had a high admiration for my grandparents (mother's side) which were the perfect example of eternal/loyal love...i have never heard them fight; each time i entered their home, it was filled with joy and laughter...1-2 years ago my grandma died, and i can see how devastated my grandpa was from this... he shows his feelings harder, but i can see how broken of a shell he is...i have no doubt that these 2 had on their mind only each other since the day they met.

I know this is reality and that humans are filled with defects and brought up ideas, but it's hard to let go of these ideals. Maybe i should stop dreaming...i have lived inside my head for so long, this is probably why my life is filled with disappointments and a lack of purpose.

I'm not going to say anything anymore out of fear of offending anyone, but seeing how the world works, i am most likely going to be unhappy.

 

Edited by Throwaway
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4 minutes ago, Throwaway said:

i really hope i haven't insulted anybody, it was not my intention :(. I had a high admiration for my grandparents (mother's side) which were the perfect example of eternal/loyal love...i have never heard them fight; each time i entered their home, it was filled with joy and laughter...1-2 years ago my grandma died, and i can see how devastated my grandpa was from this... he shows his feelings harder, but i can see how broken of a shell he is...i have no doubt that these 2 had on their mind only each other since the day they met.

I know this is reality and that humans are filled with defects and brought up ideas, but it's hard to let go of these ideals. Maybe i should stop dreaming...i have lived inside my head for so long, this is probably why my life is filled with disappointments and a lack of purpose.

I'm not going to say anything anymore out of fear of offending anyone else, but seeing how the world works, i am most likely going to be unhappy.

 

Not insulted at all, I think you've had a really lovely example of love which I haven't had. I wish I could have what your grandparents had, that is the fantasy I've basically been searching for since childhood. Obviously it exists and there's no reason to think you won't find it, I really hope you do. I don't have it but I'm not really unhappy. When I focus on my lot, it's a good one.

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Hey all...

Just wanted to pop in and say hey.

I'm now seeing another counselor every week in addition to my other counselor whom I see every other month. She and I are working on getting me out of this latest bout with depression. I started by making positive affirmation cards.

One of them has perhaps my favorite song lyric on it: "Keep your dream alive, dreaming is still how the strong survive..." That's from a song called "Once Upon A Time In New York City" from the Disney movie "Oliver and Company".

I feel that describes a good majority of us. Daydreaming is how we survive this anything but mundane life, and it's even kept us alive, especially in my case.

Me, I have OK days, and I have bad days. Those are the days that I usually want to spend in bed daydreaming, but on some of those days, I have physical therapy and I force myself to go and exercise hoping to get into a better mood. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Whatever. Either way I come back home, force myself to eat something, then go straight to bed and daydream my night away.

But lately, I can't even do that right. I have glimpses of daydreams throughout the day, but they're not lasting as long as they usually do. I think I'm too into my head with all this depression and negativity to have a decent daydream. I don't know. I'm just frustrated with almost everything these days. I feel trapped and I don't know what to do or where to begin. I feel like I'm destined to be miserable. I'm just tired and stuck.

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5 hours ago, MysteryName said:

All this lead to me wasting so much time over the few days that I pretty much gave up even trying to be productive after that. 

The one thing you should not do under these circumstances is give up.  Keep moving forward on being productive...everyone hits a speed bump when we try to accomplish something difficult or break a habit.  Just look at it that way:  you hit a speed bump on the way to your progress, roll over it and keep going.

My opinion about what's going on with your CO, and I hope this doesn't upset your further, but I think -- if a young nice-looking actress gets naked on camera, it's naturally going to bring much more attention to her than ever before, and young men -- especially on websites like reddit, 4chan, and possibly even Twitter, are going to make comments about it that you probably do not want to see.  I would advise avoiding those places forever, now that she's decided to take that step in her career. 

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3 hours ago, perfectcircle77 said:

I do fantasize about a life with someone else but in that fantasy I am not me either - I am a better, less screwed up version of me with my dream job. It is a dream, I am very aware of that. I like to think of it as my safe space, there are far worse things I could be doing to avoid reality. 

@Throwaway I should have mentioned this too....but for me, it's complicated.  I have an alter-ego who is the lead female character in my fantasies, and she is (primarily) the love interest of my CO in (most) of my daydreams (I'm a maladaptive daydreamer...I think I mentioned that in my previous post to you.)  As @perfectcircle77 said above, my AE is a better, (much) less screwed up version of me, created when I was a very young girl, in that awkward stage when as a preteen, I had zits, braces, and all the other things that make an 11 year old girl wildly unattractive.  When I first began, in 1967, crushing on this man who is still my CO, I was too young to even dream of being with him.  But my AE wasn't.  And -- oh, if you could see her the way I see her in my head, you'd know why he fell in love with her immediately because, unlike me at 11 (or anytime in my life, really) she's BEAUTIFUL.  

Here's where it's complicated though (but not really.)  I would be lying if I told you that when I fantasize about my CO with my AE, it's not about me.  Of course it's about me.  She IS me.  The difference between her and me is that she has everything in her life I've ever wanted, that's all.  

One more thing I'm adding on edit @Throwaway ... I wasn't insulted at all. I was happy to explain it to you because I do realize that the things I say sound bad for a married woman to say unless you know my story. No offense taken here. ?

Edited by Audrey822
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@fabulousrockstar has your counselor suggested that you see a doctor for antidepressants?  For me, the right antidepressants make a HUGE difference between feeling the way you described and being able to get through the day.  If you're already on some kind of medication, you should tell the prescribing doctor how you've been feeling because your meds may need to be adjusted.  Just a suggestion. 

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@MysteryName I don't think the real reasons why you want to volunteer matter that much. What counts is that you're going to be doing something good for other people, who are too much in need to care whether your motives are completely altruistic.

During my gap year, I started volunteering in a couple of places in my local area. Although I liked the idea of helping others, I admit that the main reason I did it was because I couldn't get any sort of steady employment, and I really needed to feel like I was doing something useful. I'd also just got out of the toxic relationship I had with my ex, so my self-esteem was in absolute tatters. The volunteering turned out to be such a big step in rebuilding my life. It gave me a sense of purpose again. And the best thing is, I enjoyed working in one of the places so much that by the end of the year, I felt like I was actually doing it for the "right reasons"!

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@MysteryName I completely agree with @OpalP25... I don't think that your actual motives matter all that much. The point is that you're volunteering at all. To me, that says that you're a decent and generous person, and perhaps you are actually doing it for the "right" reasons and don't realize it yet. That being said, I don't think there's ever really a wrong reason to volunteer, so you shoudn't feel guilty. As for what's happening with your CO, I imagine that you're not alone. I'm not trying to be sexist here, but it seems that women are more willing and asked more often to do nude scenes, so I think a lot of men with female CO's have probably been in your shoes to a certain extent. I'm sure it's difficult to handle all of the attention she's getting right now, but I think it's probably pretty normal for any of us in the forum. My CO is on a very popular show and there are so many women (and even some men) from probably age 13 to 80 that find him ridiculously attractive that sometimes it gets frustrating. The things some of them say frequently make me cringe. Since this is a fairly new obsession, I'm sure that'll get worse before it gets better. Fortunately, he's never done a nude scene, so I haven't had to endure the pain that you have, but even his shirt lifting up a little to catch a glimpse of extra skin is apparently quite an event. Sorry for such a long reply, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I've only been on this forum for a few days, but I immediately felt safe. I think it's definitely okay to speak freely here. This is like our own little community and we're all dealing with generally the same thing in different ways. We're here to help both ourselves and others. You seem very self-aware, which is good, but I think you also judge yourself very harshly. There's no need to feel bad about your "rants" or about your reasons for volunteering. Maybe someday your words will help someone else in a similar situation, and volunteering is a noble thing no matter the reasoning.  

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@mysteryname no, a meet and greet or anything that would make her view me as just another fan and not her greatest admirer would be horrible for me. I wrote the perfect letter to her awhile back but ill never have the strength to send it and I can't do that to my girlfriend. I try to tell her all the time that I've always had feelings for Mila since I was 18 and I've always wanted this day with her but that with my girlfriend, I want and have a life with her. But she is still hurt by the whole thing which I feel terribly about. But when I'm triggered by it all, whether it be good or bad, I cant focus on anything else. But yea, I don't want her signature. I want her lips on mine. I gotta feel like shed like me. I have to believe it because I worship her. Even if I was single, I dont think id have the courage to send her anything..id be too scared of the reply or lack thereof.. I just have to believe that she can feel me out there thinking about her..and that things are the way they are cuz I did nothing to pursue her. Its just an endless catch 22 cuz the other way, I get no closure. So I dont know what the end of this story is gonna be for me but it probably wont be good. I just cant control the jealousy. Its the hardest thing. I am jealous of everything and everyone that associates with her and 99.9% of the time, I cant even look at her. I thank you for taking an interest in my story.

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@MysteryName First off, that's great that you're volunteering abroad. That'll be a good opportunity for you and who knows where it might lead. Second, your rants are not incomprehensible to me at all. In fact, I'm always surprised by how much I can relate to nearly everything you say. You said one thing in particular that actually woke me up to something about my obsession that I've been routinely burying, unconsciously. I will call it "the hipster fascination". 

You said:

Do I have some weird hipster fascination with my celebrity crush being different? Had I been subconsciously insulting her - seeing her as an "accessible" crush, seeing her as some sort of lower "rank" in some sense to the big name obvious hollywood beauties? And now her new found popularity was challenging this? What a reflection of how pathetic and low my self esteem is if that really is the case - so low that it affects my fantasies.

Let me just say this - back when I was obsessed with knowing what everyone else was thinking and saying about my CO, I hated when people would say positive things about him. I hated it. I've talked about this a little bit in the past, but part of the appeal for me with my CO was that I thought he was "broken". 1) He's got some pretty serious mental health issues. 2) He has a terrible reputation in his country for being a sexist womanizer and overall s*** disturber. He's not a bad person. He's actually a wonderful person. But he's very, very flawed. This played right into my wheelhouse, for reasons I'll describe below.  

Anyway, a few years ago - about 6 months into my obsession - my CO started soaring in popularity for positive reasons. Sorry for being so vague. Basically, people who once thought he was an ***** began to see the "real him" and he became widely adored. He managed to fix his own reputation, and suddenly everyone was talking about how incredible he is. You would think that since I loved him that I would be happy for him and happy that other people now loved him. Nope!! Not at all. My God, not at all. 

You see...I loved him and saw through to his "good heart" before anyone else did. Why? Because I myself have my own mental health issues and my own demons. I thought I understood him in a way that others couldn't. Perhaps I thought I was a bit "special" in that sense. I was willing to accept him for all his demons and flaws at a time when anyone else with half a brain would've told him to f*** off. Seeing him become popular amongst "normal people" was like a kick in the gut. I've still got it in my head that he should be more appreciative of people like me who would've loved him even when he was at his worst. The people who came into his life when everything was going right for him were just fair-weather friends, as far as I was concerned. The same was true for his newfound fans. All those new fans he was collecting a few years ago would never love him if they knew as much about him as I do. Not true, but that's what I told myself. 

At some point it occurred to me that perhaps my CO isn't really as "tragically misunderstood" as I wanted him to be. I wanted other people to take issue with him because it made me feel good somehow to know that I had this inner wisdom about him. The truth is, he's had "normal" girlfriends his entire life. I'm not special. I'm not the only woman in the world who could ever "accept" him. It boosted my self-esteem to think that I was the only woman smart enough and kind enough to be able to put up with him. Truth is, I'm not the only woman. I'm probably not even the only woman who feels this exact way. Moreover, he doesn't need some deep dark emo like me. He's happy with his lovely, bright, jubilant fiancée.  And where does that leave me? Put simply - it destroys the fantasy. If he were constantly breaking up with various women over and over again infinitely into the future, I could easily keep my fantasy going. I could point at all those women and tell myself that they don't "get" him like I do. The fantasy becomes hard to maintain when he's successfully married with a family. That's why I'm stopping now. I'm trying to put an end to my obsession now before it has a chance to hurt me any more than it already has. 

Now I wanted rid of her more than ever I tried to remind myself there's a lot less gap between her and the Brad Pitt's and Justin Bieber's of the world than I pretend. She lives in a different world despite how down to earth everything she seems. It's an illusion. She still causes excitement wherever she goes, goes in big TV shows, VIP entrance, glamorous parties, 1%er can afford most of what she wants, non stop life etc. etc. - I'm nothing. I couldn't relate to her.

The same is true for my CO. My CO likes to act incredibly down-to-earth and accessible. He claims to despise all the glamorous celebrity nonsense that you mentioned above. But the truth is, he's a world away from me. He can pretend to be on my level, but he isn't. Neither is his fiancée, who grew up privileged with rich and famous family members. My CO lives in a multimillion dollar home in a rich neighbourhood and has basically no career responsibilities outside of recording podcasts and doing the odd comedy show. I have to focus on reality. I need to focus on my real life. He's living in a bubble. I'm not. I have no access to his bubble, no matter how much it might seem to me like I do. 

The thing about CO for me, as I mentioned briefly in a previous post, is that there's no point even trying to force it out my brain unless I've got something I actually care about to think of instead. The problem isn't her. The problem is that I have absolutely in my life to replace her. You can't remove one part of my brain and put nothing back to replace it. It creates a vacuum. 

Bingo. My CO was my world. He was all I cared about. I thought my life would be meaningless without him, and truthfully, it is. But somehow I'm starting to feel better about that. I'm not in as much pain over it as I once was. I don't know why, since I haven't done anything to make myself feel better. I think it's just the passing of time, and joining this site. I'm still in a lot of pain but it no longer feels as explosive and life-threatening as it did. I think this also has a lot to do with avoiding him on social media and in the news. If I were looking at articles all the time, and paparazzi photos, or reading what his fans are saying etc. etc., I'm quite positive I'd be right where I was when I first found out about the pregnancy. But as I pointed out yesterday, the down side to avoiding him is that now I'm in the dark and am just waiting around stupidly to hear about this kid. I can't google his name at this point. It's too risky. I've got one person (his friend and former assistant) whose Twitter account is relatively safe, and for that reason I still follow her. One of these days I'm sure she'll post something. A photo maybe. It might not be for months though. And then I'll probably unfollow her, but at least I'll know. 

Edited by posie_riot
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as much as id love to be able to fake it and act like its all gone for my fiancees sake, if I see her, I'm either gonna gush or cry depending on the circumstances. I spend my life hiding from her cuz I can never handle looking anymore. It fills me with way too much unfulfilled desire and aching and then I also get that guilt feeling because I'm hurting someone else. Endless cycle while the cause for it all just gets to remain rich, unaware, and perfect. Its hard not to feel the hate sometimes. But even the hate is because of love.

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Okay this is completely off topic and I apologize. Is anyone else having difficulty posting photos all of a sudden? I have tried for two days to upload a photo to my blog on here and there seems to be a technical glitch that's preventing the photo from being posted. I just noticed that I'm having the same problem on this thread. 

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1 hour ago, posie_riot said:

Okay this is completely off topic and I apologize. Is anyone else having difficulty posting photos all of a sudden? I have tried for two days to upload a photo to my blog on here and there seems to be a technical glitch that's preventing the photo from being posted. I just noticed that I'm having the same problem on this thread. 

Yes.  They changed the way it's done...instead of posting the URL address in that box that used to be on the bottom-right hand side, now you have to directly upload the picture from your computer by tapping that "choose files" button on the bottom left hand side of the post box.  I still haven't managed to get a picture posted here in the thread, but I can post a stand-alone picture on my blog.  

I'm going to try again now. 

(It should have posted my avatar pic here)

Nope. Nothing came out.  

Edited by Audrey822
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This is so embarrassing.  I went to the forum to ask questions about these things, because it's been on my mind as well.  Wouldn't you know....after I posted the message and tried again....the image showed up. 

?

 

I'm going to try again here. 

It didn't work.

This makes no sense.  Maybe you can only do it if you start a topic???

 

Just realizing ... every time I post on my blog, I'm starting a new entry, so it's like starting a new topic.  Maybe that's why it's been working there?

 

Edited by Audrey822
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@Audrey822 I just realized that the photo does show up on my blog. I got confused because normally I see the photo before I hit "post". And also, it wasn't showing up when I hit "preview". I'm going to post a random photo now so that this post isn't completely pointless (let's see if it works!) 

 

Edit: Nope. You all are missing out on a photo of a corgi with a bow on its head. 

Edited by posie_riot
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1 minute ago, posie_riot said:

@Audrey822 I just realized that the photo does show up on my blog. I got confused because normally I see the photo before I hit "post". And also, it wasn't showing up when I hit "preview". I'm going to post a random photo now so that this post isn't completely pointless (let's see if it works!) 

 

Edit: Nope. You all are missing out on a photo of a corgi with a bow on its head. 

That's not fair....I want to see the corgi!! ?

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@Audrey822 Perhaps you're right about starting a new topic. That makes no sense. I'm going to try to post the photo again. Here we go...

Edit: Annnnnd nada

Edit II: I just had a vision that I went to bed and woke up to like 5 posts in a row from me that were automatically posted while I was sleeping - just the corgi photo over and over. Wouldn't that be fun. As if I didn't already seem like I've lost the plot. 

Edited by posie_riot
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5 minutes ago, posie_riot said:

@Audrey822 Perhaps you're right about starting a new topic. That makes no sense. I'm going to try to post the photo again. Here we go...

Edit: Annnnnd nada

I went back and edited my post to ask that question.  I think they should fix that, it doesn't make sense that only a topic starter can post a picture. 

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