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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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1 hour ago, posie_riot said:

@Audrey822 You have invited this woman over to your house to give her a piece of your mind :Coopwink:  Oh, how terribly unfortunate that she must think she's coming for tea! 

Crossing my fingers for you. Stick her in a closet if she has to stay overnight. She'll be fine. 

^ I worry that this post, taken out of context the way it is, could get me reported :laugh:

You gave me such a giggle!! Thank you for that!! ?

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My parents relationship was less than ideal as well - married at 19 because my mum was pregnant with me, divorced by the time I was 7. They fought a lot, mostly when they thought I was asleep and my mum has told me repeatedly how if it hadn't been for me, she would have never stayed with my dad that long. To my siblings, she has essentially blamed me for ruining her life. So not something to aspire to.

My husband and I get on well now. Yes, he has annoying little habits that I've learnt to live with and I'm sure he'd say the same about me. But he doesn't always get me - I think he still struggles to believe I have anxiety and depression because I function on a day to day basis, he doesn't seem to realise what is going on 'behind the scenes' of me as it were. Still, for me, this is preferable to never trying at all.

But I can imagine that in 20/30 years time, we could be like your parents @OpalP25 - we have very few common interests outside of similar taste in tv programmes and he can annoy me with petty things. He'd have to be pretty horrible before I'd leave, partly because we're both the children of divorced parents and whilst he might be OK with it, I am most definitely not, but also I literally cannot afford to leave, I don't make enough as a freelancer to pay the bills on my own. Funnily, the fear of being on my own is what led me to here but I no longer fear that. I quite like my own company, I could live like that.

@Audrey822 - I hope that when the mail does come, you are able to do what you need to do before your husband gets home, although @posie_riot's reply did make me laugh.

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@posie_riot Oddly enough, I don't think either of my parents spend time wondering "what if?" My mum's actually said to me several times recently how lucky she feels to be married to my dad... I suppose when a couple's been together for 30 years like they have, it's unrealistic to expect flowers and rainbows all the time. But they've had these disagreements for as long as I can remember, though they've got noticeably worse recently. I guess some people just have a higher tolerance of what they'll put up with in a relationship.

@Audrey822 When I mentioned suffering for love, I meant more along the lines of experiencing the other person's emotional pain, rather than having regular blazing arguments - I definitely don't want that! You're right though that it's natural for even the best of couples to have disagreements from time to time. However this happens most days with my parents (although 90% of the time it's just extreme passive-aggressiveness, rather than full-on rows). And it's nearly always over the silliest of things. I remember as a young child my dad storming out of the house and driving off after a row with my mum over orange juice (no, I haven't made that up)! Only yesterday they had a passive-aggressive debate about which shelf of the cupboard to put something on, followed by a proper sweary argument over how they should go about tidying up a room. It almost sounds like something out of a TV comedy, but it drives me absolutely mad! I think this is one of the reasons why I like my CO so much - he is not at all the argumentative type, and that's what I need in a relationship. I could not live like my parents!

@perfectcircle77 It's horrible that your mum blames you for her relationship with your dad - it's no one's fault but their own. What an awful environment to grow up in. I totally understand why you're determined not to make the same mistakes as them. (My mum comes from a very messy upbringing with divorced parents, and I think that explains a lot about why she and my dad got married and continue to stay together.) However, unlike my parents,  it sounds like you and your husband try hard to get on well together and learn to live with each other (apart from his lack of understanding about your mental health issues). You're definitely making an effort to create the best family environment possible, and you should be applauded for that. :hugs:

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11 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

@Audrey822 When I mentioned suffering for love, I meant more along the lines of experiencing the other person's emotional pain, rather than having regular blazing arguments - I definitely don't want that!

This is what I meant too. I want the person I'm with to have some emotional depth to them. And usually when someone has "depth", it means they've been through some sort of hell. There's an ugly side to being with a person like this, but seeing as my brain isn't all rainbows and butterflies, I want someone I can relate to and who can support me. I guess this is why I'm drawn to...let's say "bad boys" (:yuck:). Anyone in their right mind would stay far away from the kind of men I'm attracted to, and that includes my CO. As you all know, I experience extreme emotions as it is (passion, love, despair, fear, anger, obsession) so being in a relationship that complements those emotions doesn't seem like such a bad idea. I think I would go crazy with a "nice guy" (emphasis there on the quotations...I'm trying to prove my point as simply as I can). I can't tone myself down to match a passive, go-with-the-flow, "simple" man. I feel embarrassed admitting all this because I know it goes against all expert relationship advice. I'm completely aware of how immature I sound. I'm supposed to want the nice guy. Yeah, well, I don't. 

I also don't buy the whole "opposites attract!" thing. Yeah, they always attract...and then everything goes south. My mom bought a magnet that shows a cartoon couple and it says: "Opposites attract then they drive each other insane". 

Edited by posie_riot
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@posie_riot and @OpalP25 OK, I misunderstood that as badly as anyone could, huh? LOL!!  Now that you've both explained it, I agree....it would be awesome to be with someone who has a range of emotions, but not too far out on the extreme bad end; I'm not attracted only to "bad boys" and I abhor domestic violence, as you can imagine...if there would be anything that might cause me to turn away from my CO, it would be learning he has a history of domestic violence.  Oh please God, no.  Especially considering I needed him as my safe place against that.  I'm putting that out of my mind right now, because there's no reason to dwell on it.  There's no reason to assume that, so I'm not and I won't. Back to "range of emotions"...yes, that would be awesome.  But of course, that's not what I have in my real-life partner.  Just the opposite, in fact.  (He would say I make up for that.  He might be right.)  @OpalP25 mentioned "experiencing the other person's emotional pain."  I have that capacity; if my significant other happened to be going through emotional pain, I certainly would experience it with him.  I'm extremely sensitive...it doesn't take much. 

@perfectcircle77 I'm so sorry that your mum blames you for "ruining her life" but that's only because she has no way of knowing what her life would be like without you.  Every child is a gift to his/her parents.  It's the parent's fault if they don't see it, and nurture the gift they were given properly (the last 7 words were for you, Mom.  ? )

No mail today.  But I have a plan if "she" has to stay here overnight. I don't know why I didn't think of this yesterday, but I think I was too anxiety-ridden at the time.  It's happened before that I've gotten mail I didn't want to bring into the house until the next morning -- only it's usually good stuff. ❤️ What I do in that case is stick it in the back seat of my car and go out to get it after everyone leaves in the morning. ? (Then -- it's usually something I can scan --  so I do. I can be satisfied with a digital copy that no one knows about.  After it's scanned, I squirrel away the original magazine or poster in my safe, hidden place that no one will know about until I'm gone from this world.) The poster I'm expecting won't have to be in my house longer than the 20 minutes  it takes to carry out what needs to be done*.  Come to think of it, it may not need to come inside my house at all.  That would be so much better.  (I feel better already, having realized that thought.)

*One thing that needs to be done:  I mentioned a few times, this was a promotional poster for a record release at that time, a song that was written by my CO (and, on which he sings lead)...the lyrics to the song are printed on the poster, and they may have credited him by name (I don't remember.)  I cannot destroy that...it must be removed before I go forward with the rest of my plan.  I don't want to bring bad karma on him by destroying something that has his name on it. 

Cue Stevie Wonder....yes, I'm very Superstitious. 

 

 

 
 
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6 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

 

@perfectcircle77 I'm so sorry that your mum blames you for "ruining her life" but that's only because she has no way of knowing what her life would be like without you.  Every child is a gift to his/her parents.  It's the parent's fault if they don't see it, and nurture the gift they were given properly (the last 7 words were for you, Mom.  ? )

Very true and in that way I can kind of empathise a little bit with her because of course, in her mind, her life would have been fabulous - she wanted to do art at uni - and getting pregnant with me took away all her choices at that time and I can definitely understand how she feels in that respect, but yeah, blaming me for something I had literally no control over is not right.

@OpalP25 - thank you for your kind words. Not having my kids grow up in the same passive-aggressive environment I did has been one of the key things for me as a parent.

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@perfectcircle77 For what it's worth, I feel like I ruined my mother's life. That's a harsh way to put it, but she's basically admitted that she should've done things differently. It's not that she doesn't love me, and in fact, she'd say I'm the best thing that ever happened to her. It's just that I think she probably would've been happier as a single career-woman. I was a planned pregnancy, but she didn't know what she was in for. She had to quit a great job she loved because of me (I was a difficult baby, wouldn't stay with a sitter, and my dad pressured her to stay home). I think she had me because once she got past the age of 30, she kind of thought "now or never". She basically told me that. Also, my dad desperately wanted children. I know that I screwed up my parents' relationship, although I don't blame myself for that because it would've fallen apart anyway. I just sped up the process. They were happy together for a long time (about a decade) before deciding to have me and once I arrived, s*** hit the fan. Probably good that I'm an only child :upside:  I'm also certain that my parents would be divorced if not for my mom's financial dependence on my dad, which is "my fault". If it weren't for me, my mom likely would've taken up her employer's offer to pay for her university education, thus allowing her to be promoted in the company. Who knows where she'd be today. 

Of course I didn't choose to be here and my mom doesn't shove any of this in my face. I do sense some subconscious resentment from her and even if that's only my imagination, it has affected me. I can't imagine her actually verbalizing any of this to me though, and I'm sorry your mother has been so insensitive to you. That's truly awful. 

Edited by posie_riot
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7 hours ago, perfectcircle77 said:

Very true and in that way I can kind of empathise a little bit with her because of course, in her mind, her life would have been fabulous - she wanted to do art at uni - and getting pregnant with me took away all her choices at that time and I can definitely understand how she feels in that respect, but yeah, blaming me for something I had literally no control over is not right.

As someone who's spent an awful lot of time examining and re-examining the road not taken, I've come to realize that it's impossible to say what's down that road if you've never travelled it. I can dream and fantasize about what I'd like to think would have happened (and I do! ❤️) but there's no guarantee it would have turned out that way...it might have gone horribly awry. (No, it would have gone horribly awry. My stars were not aligned and the love of my life and I were never available at the same time.) Instead of the life of perfect bliss that I imagine, I might be dead -- or worse (yes, there are fates worse than death) right now if I had tried to pursue that course. In the same way, there's no guarantee that your mother would be "fabulous" without you. Quite possibly just the opposite. That's in her mind, just as my fantasy is in mine. It certainly doesn't mean her dream would have come true. Perhaps, if she really stopped to think about it...she would realize you are her dream come true.

You know....my own children would be completely devastated to hear my fantasy as well...it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what that would mean for their existence (and that's the one snag in it for me, because I know if I couldn't give them up...if I could have both, that's the only way...but all this talk of going to run off with my CO before they existed is one thing that scares me...like, do you realize what you're saying??? It wouldn't have been possible anyway, but I've talked about it a lot here. They won't find out, but if they ever did....?)

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One more thing @perfectcircle77...your comment about your kids not growing up in the same passive-aggressive environment you did. Boy, that hit home with me. Some of you know why. Not so much passive-aggressiveness (I get accused of that a lot...one woman surrounded by 3 men, my husband and 2 sons...what can you expect? LOL They automatically think everything women do is passive-aggressive. ?Son #2 already thinks his fiancé is passive-aggressive about some things. ?) In my case, it was emotional abuse I was desperately trying to avoid...and same son, #2, gave me his "seal of approval" when he learned about all the horrors my mother inflicted on me (and others.) You can't even imagine how GOOD it felt for me to hear him say those words to me. ?

@posie_riot some of what you said hit home too. Mine was a planned pregnancy, but I didn't plan to have twins!! ? I'm an only child, and I had zero experience with children and babies before my own. Talk about getting thrown into the fire!! Those two young men are without a doubt THE best things that ever happened to me, but on that day I learned I was having twins (a Friday the 13th, you can't make this up!) I felt very unlucky. I felt sick, quite honestly. I was completely unprepared for that news. It changed everything from the time I heard those words until they were born. I was dreading the future from that moment on...I didn't think I'd be able to handle it, I didn't want to have two babies at one time. Why did this have to happen to me?? Everyone was telling me how BLESSED I am, and I felt far from blessed...my head was spinning for 5 months, and I grew so big, I literally couldn't walk across a room or get out of bed without help. ? It was a nightmare. I wanted OUT. But.....it turned out to be just the opposite of what I expected. The minute...the absolute minute they put those babies in my arms, I fell in love like I've never been in love in my life. ? Ever hear someone say they'd go in a burning building after another person, or drown trying to save someone? That's how I feel about those two guys I gave birth to. I was sooooo wrong. It makes me ashamed to remember those thoughts I had during my pregnancy. They DID change my plans -- ha! Oh, yeah. I had to quit my job. And I never went back. But I don't regret that. I'd do it all over again for them. ?

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2 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

. In the same way, there's no guarantee that your mother would be "fabulous" without you. Quite possibly just the opposite. That's in her mind, just as my fantasy is in mine. It certainly doesn't mean her dream would have come true. Perhaps, if she really stopped to think about it...she would realize you are her dream come true.

Absolutely no guarantee, I agree. I think I am the easy thing to blame for it all though - she has no idea how her life would have been without me, but rather than think that and maybe examine her own life choices, it's easier to blame me. My mother is never wrong, never to blame for anything in her mind.

 

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@posie_riot Oh yes, men with emotional depth are a lot more appealing than nice, simple guys... I suppose I want to be with someone who fascinates me, who's had interesting and different experiences in life compared to most people. Having said that, I understand why some women long for a pleasant, stable, normal sort of man, who's gone through life pretty much without a hitch. That's what my sister's gone for and I think my family expect me to do the same some time soon. But I don't want or need a man to provide companionship and security - I just want one who I can fall madly in love with...

@Audrey822 It's my fault you misunderstood my point - when I'm rambling on, I don't always express myself clearly lol! 

Love the Stevie Wonder song btw. As you know, I'm superstitious too so I very much agree that you should remove the lyrics before destroying the poster... Don't want you to bring bad luck on your CO like I did to mine!!

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2 hours ago, perfectcircle77 said:

Absolutely no guarantee, I agree. I think I am the easy thing to blame for it all though - she has no idea how her life would have been without me, but rather than think that and maybe examine her own life choices, it's easier to blame me. My mother is never wrong, never to blame for anything in her mind.

 

Is it possible we had the same mother? LOL

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2 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

@Audrey822 It's my fault you misunderstood my point - when I'm rambling on, I don't always express myself clearly lol! 

Love the Stevie Wonder song btw. As you know, I'm superstitious too so I very much agree that you should remove the lyrics before destroying the poster... Don't want you to bring bad luck on your CO like I did to mine!!

Of course!  You've mentioned you're also a sports fan....sports fans are pretty much superstitious by default, right?  I haven't "met"  too many who aren't. Don't even get me started about all my rituals and things to avoid where my sports teams are concerned!  :smilingteeth: 

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I'm worried now.  It's Wednesday and the stupid thing hasn't come in the mail yet.  I really thought it should be here by Monday, and what's worrying me now is, I don't want it to get here Friday....even with my plan, I don't want it to have to stay in my car over the entire weekend.  If it doesn't come tomorrow, I'm going to be very upset. It's almost like this person has to keep trying to taunt me...no matter what....for over 3 years now.   ?

No. I'm not allowing it.  I didn't climb all the way back to this point for nothing.  I'm not going to whimper  in a corner again.  If I have to, I'll bring the scissors with me for a little drive Saturday afternoon....clip off the song lyrics, put them in a book, rip the poster to shreds in the parking lot of some shopping mall (I would prefer to do this at home...I know there will be some anger involved, and I hate when strangers have to see me as a deranged woman..... but I have to do what I have to do.)  I'll bring a baggie with me and put the little pieces of paper in there and "she"* can be kindle for my fire bowl Saturday night.   I will sit there Saturday night, watching my fire bowl as I drink a couple of Samuel Adams new 20 lbs of Pumpkin B33r (it's good!)  with a big smile on my face....my husband will wonder why (I'll never tell...I never do ? ), and no one will be the wiser.

Got it all figured out.  That's the beauty of this place...talking it out. :hugs:

*Mods, it's a piece of paper.  :suspect:  No real person will be harmed. 

Edited by Audrey822
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Hey guys, new here... been trying to catch up but 324 pages is a lot. So here it goes.

Game of Thrones. :Cooptsearch:. Yeah. Happened to me. Whoever watched/watches GoT probably will know who I'm refering to in this post. 

 There was a character I liked from the start, probably because the actor visually reminded me of my ex husband (although my ex was an as****e and this character is the honorable guy) and it wasn't really that big of a deal and not really taking over my life, I just liked him. Cried when he died, was happy when he was brought back to life. (Like all of us) Well he does not have any kind of social media, and is a really private guy (which in hindsight was a good thing cause it kept me from getting sucked in ). To make a long story short, a few weeks ago some photos came out of him walking around with his girlfriend (which everybody knew about but I figured they haven't been seen together in a while so who knows :shifty3: ) and that moment I said to myself "hell no" and it just went cold, I can't even explain it. It was like I was being betrayed, by a guy who didn't even know I'm alive and it was a bit sad although not heart-breakingly-sad. I just let go. Just like that. 

Then I started rewatching previous seasons again and absolutely fell in love with a character that dies in season 2 (or actually with the actor who plays him). I started watching all of the actor's clips and youtube tributes and other films/shows. But wait, that's not all.... His whole storyline was around a gay romance with another character (who also dies in season 6) and I found out the actors are actually friends in real life and seem to be really nice, easy going, funny & attractive straight guys. And watching all those scenes of them together (on + off camera - interviews, appearences of both)  I also started thinking about the second guy. a lot. And realized I am screwed.

They both have social media. They travel, they are young and somewhat famous and they like to have fun. I follow them on instagram and see that this one is having a party and this one is following some girl and I'm like two continents away from their native country (both British) and three continents away from where they're now (US & Canada) and I am so jealous, not even at the prospect of actually meeting them but I am jealous of the people who actually get a reply from either. I follow to see them interacting with people, but when I see them interacting with other people it makes me so sad (because it's not with me).  And this time, I can not let go. I don't know why. It's only a few weeks of a crush but it's gotten so intense that I don't know how to make it end. 

It came to a point where I invested a bunch of money in ordering signed photographs of them online. Not one, not two. FIVE. Like in a dumb way to feel closer, knowing I will never meet either. I just feel so stupid. Regular people have one crush to feel miserable about, but why have one reason to be sad when you can have two? :withstupid: 

I don't even know why I'm writing this, I just unfollowed both of them on social media and I really just need a hug right now. 

Edited by Sandy2016
typo
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4 hours ago, Sandy2016 said:

Hey guys, new here... been trying to catch up but 324 pages is a lot. So here it goes.

Game of Thrones. :Cooptsearch:. Yeah. Happened to me. Whoever watched/watches GoT probably will know who I'm refering to in this post. 

 There was a character I liked from the start, probably because the actor visually reminded me of my ex husband (although my ex was an as****e and this character is the honorable guy) and it wasn't really that big of a deal and not really taking over my life, I just liked him. Cried when he died, was happy when he was brought back to life. (Like all of us) Well he does not have any kind of social media, and is a really private guy (which in hindsight was a good thing cause it kept me from getting sucked in ). To make a long story short, a few weeks ago some photos came out of him walking around with his girlfriend (which everybody knew about but I figured they haven't been seen together in a while so who knows :shifty3: ) and that moment I said to myself "hell no" and it just went cold, I can't even explain it. It was like I was being betrayed, by a guy who didn't even know I'm alive and it was a bit sad although not heart-breakingly-sad. I just let go. Just like that. 

Then I started rewatching previous seasons again and absolutely fell in love with a character that dies in season 2 (or actually with the actor who plays him). I started watching all of the actor's clips and youtube tributes and other films/shows. But wait, that's not all.... His whole storyline was around a gay romance with another character (who also dies in season 6) and I found out the actors are actually friends in real life and seem to be really nice, easy going, funny & attractive straight guys. And watching all those scenes of them together (on + off camera - interviews, appearences of both)  I also started thinking about the second guy. a lot. And realized I am screwed.

They both have social media. They travel, they are young and somewhat famous and they like to have fun. I follow them on instagram and see that this one is having a party and this one is following some girl and I'm like two continents away from their native country (both British) and three continents away from where they're now (US & Canada) and I am so jealous, not even at the prospect of actually meeting them but I am jealous of the people who actually get a reply from either. I follow to see them interacting with people, but when I see them interacting with other people it makes me so sad (because it's not with me).  And this time, I can not let go. I don't know why. It's only a few weeks of a crush but it's gotten so intense that I don't know how to make it end. 

It came to a point where I invested a bunch of money in ordering signed photographs of them online. Not one, not two. FIVE. Like in a dumb way to feel closer, knowing I will never meet either. I just feel so stupid. Regular people have one crush to feel miserable about, but why have one reason to be sad when you can have two? :withstupid: 

I don't even know why I'm writing this, I just unfollowed both of them on social media and I really just need a hug right now. 

Firstly, welcome. It's a big step making that first post and saying something you've probably not really admitted to anyone else so you deserve a hug for that :hugs:and for taking the step to unfollow them on social media :hugs:I can't imagine being in a place where I could do that so well done.

You're not stupid at all. We get it. The bit I bolded about interaction on social media, I am right there with you, I feel exactly the same way whenever anyone gets a reply from my CO (or any of his friends from the show). I can't offer advice on how to get over this, because I can't get over mine (and I'm not sure I want to right now, I'm learning to live with it), but other people have and are working on it and am sure will have some words to help you.

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2 hours ago, perfectcircle77 said:

Firstly, welcome. It's a big step making that first post and saying something you've probably not really admitted to anyone else so you deserve a hug for that :hugs:and for taking the step to unfollow them on social media :hugs:I can't imagine being in a place where I could do that so well done.

You're not stupid at all. We get it. The bit I bolded about interaction on social media, I am right there with you, I feel exactly the same way whenever anyone gets a reply from my CO (or any of his friends from the show). I can't offer advice on how to get over this, because I can't get over mine (and I'm not sure I want to right now, I'm learning to live with it), but other people have and are working on it and am sure will have some words to help you.

 

Thank you so much. I do realize the crush itself is not the actual problem, it is a symptom (of the underlying depression, loneliness, self confidence issues). It is not the crush that makes me sad, it is being sad that led me to this crush (does this even make sense?) 

I really am a rational person, I know and understand that I will never meet my CO in real life and even if I ever do it can only go in both ways - 1. he'd be really nice and then I will get even more obseessed and more sad 2. he won't be nice at all and then I will get sad because of that. It's a lose-lose situation. Either way this needs to stop, and I am mad at myself for actually crying right now and feeling like in a midst of a break up (:coopcray:)

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@Sandy2016 Welcome!  Everything you said makes so much sense...you're not stupid at all!  We're all going through the same thing in this thread, even if we go through it in different ways.  What I mean by that is, some of us want to stay obsessed and some don't, some want to meet their COs and others don't.  But we all have pretty much the same feelings of hopelessness, loneliness, depression, etc.  Maybe not 100%, but most of us do. We all understand how you felt posting that first message.  You do need a hug, and I'm going to give you one. :hugs:Welcome to our thread!

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today blows. I forget to bring my iPod to work one day (typically brought to protect me from peoples conversations) and I had to hear people talking about MY person and it infuriates me. I never realized JUST how seriously I have to take protecting myself. This world is merciless. If I cant watch her no one else should get to! She's MY person. To feel better, I continually fantasize about boy band loser and the even bigger loser people constantly keep LYING and associating her with who looks like a monkey and reject getting in a head on car collision with each other. If only you could wish something so bad it actually came true. I keep telling myself that if she were to come here to my job that I'm the one she would like but were just talking about ordinary 9 to 5ers that she wouldn't look twice at anyway so I cant say it makes me feel much better. I am NEVER forgetting my iPod again. I am so full of hate I could explode.

Sorry Mila, I dont feel like talking to you today. Those who get to be close to you are my greatest enemies and sources of hate and these losers keep forcing their way into my brain. Sorry but you infuriate me right now.

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Hi there @Sandy2016 :smile: Welcome! 

Quote

I do realize the crush itself is not the actual problem, it is a symptom (of the underlying depression, loneliness, self confidence issues). It is not the crush that makes me sad, it is being sad that led me to this crush (does this even make sense?)

Yes! That makes sense. I'm quite certain I would've "fallen for" my CO no matter what, but I absolutely would not have become obsessed the way I did if not for underlying issues. I was sad, lonely, self-loathing, shy, out-of-place and my CO sort of rescued me from all of it. Unfortunately, it all went south for me and I ended up right back at square one, only this time it was worse. I can't handle when my CO is in a relationship, even though I too consider myself a rational person and I always knew with 100% certainty that we'd never be together. The problem is that while I have the capacity for rational thinking, I don't always prioritize that part of my brain. I'm a dreamer, a hopeless romantic, and I live in a fantasy world inside my head. My biggest problem in life is just coping with reality, which is exactly where my CO stepped in. 

My story goes a little like this: Once upon a time this man I adore got a woman pregnant and then proposed. My brain sort of turned to goo and I couldn't sleep anymore. I wondered if life was worth living. Then I signed up for this site. The end!

For the past two months I have been avoiding anything related to my CO online, including his social media. It's too painful for me and I want to move on. I'm struggling with this. I miss my CO. I'm regressing into a child-like state just talking about it all. But anyway, I've been successful with it so far. You are smart to unfollow your COs now while you're still ahead. I'm here to support you in any way you need me to - that's the only positive thing that's come out of all this for me. 

*hug*

Edited by posie_riot
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Off-topic, but I am worn out!!  I updated my computer (Mac) to the new OS, Sierra. In addition to the fact that it took forever to download, it messed up my iPhone.  Had to restore my phone completely....that meant all my passwords were gone... I had to log in to everything again to save the passwords.  I was soooo worried about my music and (you know...*ahem!*) pictures too.  But everything's there.  All is well.  But I need a nap!! ?

Temporary rejuvenation!!  I just checked on Facebook...wow, this hasn't happened in such a long time, I almost forget to check these days.  A new throwback Thursday pic!!  ❤️❤️❤️? xoxoxox ? (can you tell how happy I am?) ?

Edited by Audrey822
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46 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

Off-topic, but I am worn out!!  I updated my computer (Mac) to the new OS, Sierra. In addition to the fact that it took forever to download, it messed up my iPhone.  Had to restore my phone completely....that meant all my passwords were gone... I had to log in to everything again to save the passwords.  I was soooo worried about my music and (you know...*ahem!*) pictures too.  But everything's there.  All is well.  But I need a nap!! ?

Temporary rejuvenation!!  I just checked on Facebook...wow, this hasn't happened in such a long time, I almost forget to check these days.  A new throwback Thursday pic!!  ❤️❤️❤️? xoxoxox ? (can you tell how happy I am?) ?

 

image.jpeg

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1 hour ago, posie_riot said:

Hi there @Sandy2016 :smile: Welcome! 

Yes! That makes sense. I'm quite certain I would've "fallen for" my CO no matter what, but I absolutely would not have become obsessed the way I did if not for underlying issues. I was sad, lonely, self-loathing, shy, out-of-place and my CO sort of rescued me from all of it. Unfortunately, it all went south for me and I ended up right back at square one, only this time it was worse. I can't handle when my CO is in a relationship, even though I too consider myself a rational person and I always knew with 100% certainty that we'd never be together. The problem is that while I have the capacity for rational thinking, I don't always prioritize that part of my brain. I'm a dreamer, a hopeless romantic, and I live in a fantasy world inside my head. My biggest problem in life is just coping with reality, which is exactly where my CO stepped in. 

My story goes a little like this: Once upon a time this man I adore got a woman pregnant and then proposed. My brain sort of turned to goo and I couldn't sleep anymore. I wondered if life was worth living. Then I signed up for this site. The end!

For the past two months I have been avoiding anything related to my CO online, including his social media. It's too painful for me and I want to move on. I'm struggling with this. I miss my CO. I'm regressing into a child-like state just talking about it all. But anyway, I've been successful with it so far. You are smart to unfollow your COs now while you're still ahead. I'm here to support you in any way you need me to - that's the only positive thing that's come out of all this for me. 

*hug*

I actually think that the access to social media these days is exactly what's creating the problem. By having them sharing all this info, all these personal every day things it makes you feel closer to them, like you actually know them, and it makes it so much harder to disassociate from the situation. It's not like in the 90s when you gave up your crush you just threw out his posters and be done with it, nowadays they creep up back in your life over social media and you get involved in their personal life without even realizing it and soon enough you're following the sister of the neighbor of the hair dresser whose photo he liked and trying to go CSI on his photos just to see who is the blonde girl in the back.  I don't think it's the "official stuff" ( movies and appearances) that's doing the damage, for me it's the damn social media.  I sure hope it gets easier. I find myself trying to "shop around" for a new crush lol I'm watching this show on tv and I'm like "why can't you like this guy instead? At least you live in the same country " :-)

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